I get anxious just thinking about seeing my family for the New Year. Is there any way to avoid spending time with my in-laws?

The questioner said, "The anxiety/living-life-the-way-you-hated-it-as-a-child-always-focusing-on-the-outcome-how-do-you-live-in-the-present-27630.html" target="_blank">present is good! Be grateful to have met."

Your words show that you're anxious about this. It's clear that this is affecting you.

You've thought about a lot of possibilities for something that hasn't happened. Many unknown possibilities make you unsure of what to do.

You said you didn't get along with your in-laws before. They couldn't stand it when others were different. I don't know if this happened before or after your marriage.

You got married this year, which is a big event for a family. On this happy New Year's Day, your in-laws should be happy for you and not cause you any problems.

You feel anxious about meeting up for the New Year. You need your in-laws' approval, acceptance, and affirmation.

And you don't think that's possible, do you? Nothing is impossible.

For past problems, you can start by saying you're sorry for your part. At the same time, you can tell in-laws how you feel.

If it doesn't affect you, you can choose not to say anything. This will cause them pain in other areas. People are different, and not accepting this is a problem.

You said you might feel bad if you go back to your parents' house for the New Year and don't know how to communicate with your husband. You have the right to decide where to spend the New Year.

Express your concerns to your husband. See how he responds. Then discuss it with him. Going to each parent's home for half a day and returning for New Year's Eve might not be as hard or awkward.

Maybe both sets of parents will come to your house for New Year's. It could be fun for everyone. There are many possibilities. Let go of your worries and talk to your husband.

Or find someone to listen or a counselor. There are many ways, and the future holds many possibilities.

Treat yourself well and make yourself comfortable.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Hello,

I'm happy to meet you.

Let me share a few thoughts. I hope they help!

[Confronting the stubbornness of your in-laws]

It's hard. We can't change stubborn in-laws, but we can change our own stubborn thinking. Why are they stubborn? Why can't they accept people who are different?

Is it limited perception? Is it a low sense of self-worth?

Is it a desire to be noticed and approved? The saying that "every problematic behavior in a child is a longing for love" also applies to us adults. Does this thought make us feel calmer?

How to get along

In-laws are husband's parents. As a family, it is only reasonable to meet during the New Year. How can we avoid meeting? We can adjust our behavior.

Speak with your husband. He knows his parents better than you do.

"I'm anxious about the New Year because I hope..." Show more curiosity about this meeting. See how your husband interacts with his parents and how his parents interact with each other. This will bring unexpected gains to your future married life! As the saying goes, "When looking for a daughter-in-law, look at the mother; when looking for a son-in-law, look at the father." It's worth pondering!

"Go your own way and let others talk."

Do our part well, be polite, respectful, and courteous to our in-laws, set boundaries, and don't be arrogant. The rest is up to fate. Just do your own thing.

Best wishes!

The question is posed by the following individual: Good day.

Your strong aversion to spending the New Year with your in-laws indicates that your previous unfavorable experiences with them have left a profound imprint on your psyche, eliciting a comprehensible state of apprehension.

Anxiety can easily ensnare an individual, with the mind often fixating excessively on memories, which can exacerbate anxiety and precipitate a state of mind that renders it increasingly challenging to accept the situation.

It may be beneficial to consider a broader perspective. For instance, even if there have been unfortunate occurrences in the past, it is possible that the perception of those events differs between you and them.

It is important to recognize that what may be embarrassing to you may not be as significant to them as you perceive. Additionally, after marriage, your status shifts from that of a prospective bride to a full member of the family. This transition may naturally lead to a change in the attitude of your in-laws towards you, potentially becoming more accepting.

It would be advisable to ascertain whether your in-laws have any traditions pertaining to the return of the newly married daughter to their home for the Chinese New Year. Similarly, it would be prudent to determine whether your own parents have any customs regarding the return of their daughter to their home for the New Year. In some regions, it is customary for the son and daughter-in-law to visit their parents on the first day of the New Year, and on the second day, the daughter and son-in-law pay New Year's calls on their parents.

In the event that such customs exist, it would be advisable to arrange to visit both sets of parents during the Chinese New Year. Even if one were to visit one's in-laws prior to the New Year, it would still be necessary to visit one's parents after the New Year, and one would not remain at one's in-laws for an extended period. Consequently, it would be prudent to consider whether this would make it easier to tolerate the situation.

The integration of two families is a challenging process for both individuals, and it is essential to engage in open communication to navigate these complexities. Regardless of which family attends the holiday gathering, the individual from the original family should be prepared to accommodate the other person's needs to a greater extent.

Given that the other person is spending the holiday in a family with whom they are unfamiliar, it is inevitable that they will experience some degree of discomfort. If the other person is not accustomed to this situation and is struggling to adapt, it is the responsibility of the person from the original family to provide additional care and support, clarify any confusing aspects, and address any misunderstandings with the family members.

The New Year is primarily concerned with etiquette and socializing with family members. Given that the family is together, they should adhere to a higher standard of politeness than is typical. In general, they should refrain from engaging in any actions that might cause embarrassment to the other person.

The New Year may be regarded as an opportunity to become better acquainted with one's relatives. When relatives meet, they greet each other and become better acquainted. There is no obligation for them to engage in any profound interactions. It is often more beneficial to say a few more words. If one feels nervous, it is advisable to ask one's husband to do the talking for them. It is possible to get by with just a smile.

In conclusion, there is no necessity to succumb to the influence of past memories and become so intimidated that one is reluctant or unwilling to visit one's in-laws. As a full member of the family, it is imperative to maintain an upright posture, a polite demeanor, and a rational attitude. It is then evident that no individual can inflict any harm upon you.

Furthermore, it would be prudent to request that your husband provide you with more care and attention at your in-laws' residence.

Hello. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who uses imagery to communicate effectively.

The questioner stated that she had no intention of going to her in-laws' house for the New Year because she had had unpleasant experiences with them in the past. They are stubborn people who can't stand it when others are different from them.

Tell your husband about this unpleasant experience you had with his parents.

You're concerned that he'll be hurt if he finds out you don't want to go home with him. Is this just speculation, or is it his reaction to knowing you don't get along with his parents? How does he view your relationship with his parents?

You need to talk to your husband about your feelings, tell him the truth, and stop judging how the older people behave. You'll see that your husband's attitude is not what you think it is, and you'll learn more about how he gets along with them.

Once you've gained his understanding and support, you can face it together and resolve some awkward situations.

We can't hide from pressure, no matter where we go for the New Year. Avoiding pressure is a very primitive way of solving problems.

If you look at relationships with awareness, you will become more mature.

You should try to understand how your husband felt growing up in his family of origin and what he went through. Talking with him about his upbringing will help you understand him and his parents.

When we understand them better, we can understand each other better. At the very least, we won't feel uncomfortable.

Marriage marks the start of a new stage in life, and it is essential to face the path of cultivation together.

Best wishes!