I got married at the age of 28 and have been married for 3 years. I often lose control of my emotions because of my relationship with my husband. What should I do?

Let's try to comfort the OP from afar.

Let's take a moment to hear from the questioner herself.

After the wonderful news of the pregnancy, the whole family was so excited and focused on the new baby. It's understandable that the daughter-in-law might have felt a bit neglected at times.

I was also told that I should be doing more babysitting.

It's so sad - the in-laws think the daughter-in-law is being pretentious, and the poor child has to put up with everything.

It's so true that parenting conflicts never stop!

I feel like all of this is caused by my low income. I'm feeling a bit torn between all these conflicting emotions, and I'm feeling a bit down and irritable.

I'll probably end up arguing with them.

The questioner has some doubts.

I'd love some advice on how to handle this relationship!

A quick word to the author:

First of all, we all have to admit that we're never professional enough when it comes to parenting.

You've got some experience, but you can't say for sure if it'll help your little one grow up.

There are lots of wonderful professional child-rearing consultants who can help you with any parenting problems you might have and also help you resolve any conflicts you may be having.

It's so sad to see how everyone is turning towards the child, and you've forgotten how to be good to yourself. It seems as if the role of your children is just to give birth to another child, which is really sad for you.

All problems may be related to material things, but don't worry! Material things are definitely not a necessary factor in the healthy growth of children. What your child really needs is a harmonious and happy family.

Your little one will learn about the many conflicts in the family, and this will also become the case in his or her own marriage. In a noisy environment, you cannot know what kind of impact it will have on your child's heart.

You're new to the whole parenting thing!

We might as well take this opportunity to find out how our parents treated us. It'll be a great way to learn more about ourselves!

It doesn't matter if things were the same or if they were very different back then. This topic might be able to help you with the conflicts in your family.

Dear question asker,

I am uncertain of your child's age. However, I postulate that the relationship between your parents and your daughter-in-law's child has become increasingly strained since the birth of your child. It is challenging for you to be caught in the middle of this situation. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a perennial problem that cannot be solved by ordinary people. Therefore, it would be beneficial to first consider releasing oneself from the burden of responsibility for these issues. It is important to recognize that the challenges experienced are not solely a result of one's financial status. Even if one's income is high, these difficulties may still persist. It is possible that the root cause of these problems may lie elsewhere. Therefore, it would be advantageous to first consider releasing oneself from the burden of responsibility for these issues.

As a mother who gave birth via caesarean section, I am acutely aware of the challenges associated with this mode of delivery. Initially, my mother was anxious about my well-being and opted to stay with me at my in-laws' residence for 22 days. However, due to the necessity of her presence at home, she was compelled to return. Following the postpartum full moon, I promptly sought my mother's assistance. She expressed concern about my potential discomfort and opted to remain with me throughout. It is evident that the epidemic has contributed to the absence of my wife's mother. The postpartum period was particularly arduous for my wife, marked by persistent pain and a lack of familiarity with her newborn. Additionally, breastfeeding posed a significant challenge.

In my view, this is not a matter of being pretentious. While there is undoubtedly an adjustment process involved, it is nevertheless a positive one. At the time in question, you, as a husband, were eminently qualified to act as you did, given that you were able to discern your wife's feelings. I am therefore compelled to commend you for your perceptiveness.

Indeed, your subsequent actions were not erroneous. It is only natural that you seek a compromise, and there is no objective right or wrong in matters pertaining to family. His emotional response is incongruent with reason. This is a perennially problematic issue. If one desires a compromise, one must be willing to compromise.

Indeed, this is due to the fact that the children are young and the grandparents are also experiencing this stage of life for the first time. The care for the next generation stems from a place of genuine concern and affection. It is not uncommon for there to be a generational gap with the parents of the child. The management styles can be quite different. However, as the child matures, it is likely that the number of issues will decrease. In this case, it may be beneficial to attempt to reconcile the differences or to appeal to the emotional aspects of the situation. It is reasonable to assume that your parents and your wife love you and that you are all striving for the well-being of your children. It seems that you are all aligned in this regard.

It would be beneficial to train oneself to be more tolerant. For example, if one's spouse or partner complains, it would be advisable to accept their feelings and reassure them. The same approach should be taken with one's parents. By understanding their perspective and reassuring them, one can defuse the situation. It would be even more advantageous to persuade the other party with one's own abilities.

It is also evident that this is a challenging endeavor. In the event that persuasion is unsuccessful, it is imperative to fully embrace the emotional perspective of the other party. This is a more intricate process than merely convincing the other party. It entails observing the other party's dedication and offering praise, while simultaneously acquiring a deeper understanding of scientific approaches to child rearing. This understanding should be coupled with the hope that, on occasion, the other party will recognize the value of one's insights, which may prove to be more scientific and accurate.

It is my contention that if one employs a scientific approach to child-rearing and is able to gain the trust of one's spouse and parents, then such conflicts may be resolved. It is possible that the conflict may be resolved by acknowledging the fact that one earns a higher income. However, it is my opinion that it may be a beneficial course of action for one to actively learn scientific methods of parenting.

In any case, it seems that the current situation requires one to endure the seemingly endless monologues of either party. It is therefore necessary to find a way to calm one's emotions. Should the situation become unbearable, it may be helpful to try writing therapy. This involves writing down whatever comes to mind after the other party has finished speaking. It is important to write everything down. Once this process is complete, it is likely that one's mood will improve and that healing will have occurred.

First, it is important to allow oneself to become a receptacle that can withstand the emotional outbursts of others. Subsequently, it is advisable to set aside time to enhance one's learning abilities, gain knowledge about parenting techniques, and learn effective communication skills. Additionally, there is a possibility that one's learning endeavors may also enhance one's financial capabilities.

It is my hope that the positive qualities you exhibited in the early days can swiftly transform this current state of distress, preventing irritability and quarrels from taking hold and enabling you to serve as the unifying force within your family as a parent, wife, and child, fostering a harmonious and fulfilling environment for your large family.

I extend my utmost regard to the world and to you.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help!

What you are experiencing now is something to do with your marriage. And I'm here to help! Please allow me to give you a warm hug again.

I think the best thing you can do is communicate better with your parents.

Absolutely! The fact that the daughter-in-law lives with her mother-in-law can lead to a lot of conflicts.

If you live together for a long time, conflicts will intensify, which means you have the opportunity to work through them and come out stronger than ever! This will then positively affect your relationship with your wife.

And the great news is that there are always more than three solutions to every problem!

Daughter-in-law, you must be there seven days a week! Do you live with your parents-in-law?

I also read that you said your low income is the reason why your wife hasn't been able to move out with the children.

Then, I think: You can definitely find a great opportunity to talk to your parents and tell them that you should be in charge of child-rearing!

I know that some mothers-in-law are afraid that their children will eat too slowly if they learn to eat on their own, so they're really eager to feed their children.

Then, you get to blow on the food yourself before feeding it to your child! Your wife might think that's unhygienic, but it's a great way to make sure your little one gets the nutrients they need.

It's still a possibility that your parents have some pretty traditional ideas.

Then, you can go online to find some of the latest and greatest parenting videos for them to watch! Let them learn a proper method.

I'm sure the problem you're facing will be solved soon!

I've got some great ideas!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you the best!

I'm ten years older than you. Let me tell you the conclusion first: you are half right when you say, "I often feel that it's all because of my low income."

Poverty and hardship make couples miserable. Financial conditions restrict people's choices, especially in our current environment, where many services can be purchased. If financial conditions are very good, many family needs can be outsourced, eliminating the cause of many conflicts.

But you don't have to blame your income for all the problems.

Reason 1: Ordinary people should have ordinary expectations of themselves. They buy their children things from big brands, sign them up for classes, and outsource all the housework. The financial conditions that support this kind of life are extraordinary, so ordinary people don't doubt themselves because they haven't lived this kind of life. Reason 2: Some problems aren't economic. For example, you mentioned that parents always tell their children what to do, which is uncomfortable. This parenting conflict has never stopped. Let me give an example. The daughter-in-law graduated from a top university. She knows more about education than her parents.

Your mother-in-law is acting according to her own reasoning, which is different from yours. This is why there is a conflict.

What can the host do when faced with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Specific methods must be adapted to local conditions. Here, let me remind the host of an important point: the relationship between you and your parents is that of blood relatives. The relationship between you and your wife, on the other hand, is one that humans have set.

Which relationship is more likely to die? Which one requires more effort to maintain?

Hello, question asker! I'm Letao, the respondent.

I've read the question carefully and it's clear the questioner has a happy family. But there's a generation gap when it comes to raising kids, which has led to a change in the relationship between your parents and your daughter-in-law. This has left the questioner in a tough spot. I can see that the questioner is struggling to handle the relationship between the two (daughter-in-law and parents), which has caused the questioner to feel very depressed, low, and irritable. But it also shows that the questioner loves his mother and his daughter-in-law. He doesn't want to hurt them, so he's hurting himself instead.

The current situation in the questioner's family is pretty common in Chinese families. As they say, "Every family has its own problems." So, the questioner shouldn't worry too much about the mutual complaints. If he can solve it himself, he should do so. If not, he should try to keep the peace because he can't tell who's right or wrong between them.

I've got three suggestions for you to think about:

My first suggestion is that you spend more time with your daughter-in-law and avoid arguing with her. Since she's generally in a weak position in your family, arguing with her will only make things worse.

I also think it's important for your wife to be polite to your parents, because they're trying to do what's best for everyone.

Second, I suggest that the questioner communicate more with his parents, including sharing his thoughts on how to educate children, so that his parents can understand. Since your parents are your parents, you can also give them a heads-up to be kind to your wife.

Finally, if the questioner is struggling to cope and is under too much pressure, it might be helpful to consider moving out of the family home and living separately. This could help to change the dynamic within the family and ease the questioner's psychological stress.

Every family has its own unique challenges, and yours is no exception. It's truly a blessing to have the elderly help with childcare, but it's also normal for conflicts to arise over time. The most common issue is that the two generations have different parenting philosophies, which can lead to some disagreements.

It's clear that this has been on your mind for a while. It's understandable that it's affecting you emotionally, making you feel irritable and sensitive, and even making you feel like everything is your own fault.

Let's take a look at the reasons for your loss of temper and see how we can help you feel better.

Let's start by looking at what's causing these family conflicts.

I'm sure it's not really because "you earn less." When did you start thinking this way? When your child was born, when your parents first started helping you with childcare, when the conflicts over childcare first arose, what were you thinking?

If you earn more, you can hire a nanny, right? So parents don't need to come over and help with childcare?

But they are their grandchildren, so it's only natural that they'll want to be involved in their education. And of course, we can't blame them for wanting to see their grandchildren!

If you earn a high income, you don't have to live with your parents. Even if you live far away, there's still a chance that you'll have some disagreements over time.

Ultimately, it's just that the two generations have different ideas about education. As long as the child's education is a factor, it's only natural that there'll be some conflicts and contradictions.

It's okay to accept this situation and ease your self-blame and anxiety.

However, it's important to remember that prolonged emotional tension can make you more sensitive and irritable. This is also why you always want to argue with your wife, but also understand that you are being unreasonable.

First, take care of yourself. Try some relaxation techniques, like talking to friends or asking for advice. Even if it's just a way to let out your emotions, it can have a really positive effect on your feelings.

Secondly, the most important thing in family relationships is the relationship between a husband and wife. It's so important to set family boundaries with the elderly.

It's so important to have a sense of boundaries. When we do, we save ourselves a lot of trouble. But many elderly people, bless their hearts, have no sense of boundaries at all. They want to get involved in the arguments between their children and even in their children's education.

I always feel like I have so much experience and a duty to help. But I guess I'm just getting in the way.

If the elderly person isn't aware that their behavior is crossing the line, it's important to gently and kindly let them know.

Of course, you need to be careful about the way and method, being tactful and gentle, but also firm. Sometimes smoothing things over in the family may temporarily avoid conflicts, but it cannot resolve them.

To resolve conflicts, it's important to be firm but fair. Speak up when you need to, and show your boundaries.

And third, make sure you communicate more with your wife.

I know it can be tough when there's a chance of conflict in the family. It's not just you who'll be affected, your wife will be feeling it too.

You also mentioned in the text that your wife is also dissatisfied because she feels neglected. When your wife expresses these grievances, do you talk to her about it?

You can try to have a heart-to-heart with your wife about this. It's a great way to let her know how you're feeling, and you can also find common ground and come up with solutions together.

I really do wish you all the very best!

Greetings, question asker.

I am Zhao Ying, a listener at Yixinli. It is my hope that the following words and phrases will prove helpful to you.

The equilibrium was disrupted.

The previous harmony was disrupted by the arrival of the infant.

The primary focus of the four individuals is on the infant, and the intergenerational gap is particularly pronounced in the case of the elderly.

Anger directed at oneself

From the words, it is evident that you have a high level of care and understanding for your daughter-in-law. As a new mother, you will experience a profound sense of maternal love. However, due to the hormonal changes associated with pregnancy and childbirth, your endocrine system may be temporarily disrupted, leading to emotional fluctuations. These fluctuations may manifest as feelings of frustration and a sense of being overwhelmed.

For her, this is a period of joy and challenge. As a first-time mother, she lacks experience and is beset by concerns.

"Frequently, a remark from my daughter-in-law would incite a rage within me, resulting in intrapersonal struggles, feelings of despondency, and a proclivity towards irritability. We would engage in arguments, attempting to resolve the situation through discourse.

Ultimately, the situation devolved into an unproductive outburst, and I am uncertain of the optimal way to conclude it. From my perspective, the husband's anger seems to be directed inward, rather than at his daughter-in-law.

The subject reports feelings of helplessness in family relationships, specifically with their daughter-in-law, the elderly, and a combination of both. Additionally, the subject reports feelings of deep guilt associated with their sense of powerlessness, which they perceive as self-punishment.

It would be beneficial to understand the initial state of balance and harmony in order to ascertain how it can be restored.

It is recommended that a line be drawn and that happiness be enjoyed together.

It is an unfortunate reality that cohabitation with the elderly can often give rise to conflict, a phenomenon that is all too common in many families.

How might this issue be resolved? It seems plausible to suggest that, in a shared living space, it may prove challenging to implement changes.

Given the constraints of a limited space, it is not feasible to revert to the previous state of equilibrium. Consequently, it is necessary to identify strategies for effecting change.

What is the most effective method for restoring equilibrium to an imbalanced state?

I am curious to know what your state of balance and harmony was like at the beginning. I would also be interested to hear from you, daughter-in-law, and your elderly parents, about your experiences.

What are these feelings like?

One possible solution is to attempt to establish a balance between the conflicting parties. This could entail the four adults sitting down together and engaging in a constructive dialogue, with each individual delineating a distinct boundary and space within which they can exercise autonomy in decision-making. It may also require the others to learn to concede under this boundary.

It would be advisable to discuss this with your daughter-in-law initially, in order to ascertain whether there are any difficulties in raising the baby that you are unable to handle independently and which require assistance. You should then assess whether the elderly are able to assist without adversely affecting their wellbeing, and if so, you should allow them to do so. It would be beneficial to discuss with the elderly and seek their help, while also ensuring that they feel valued and that their role is recognised.

The advent of a newborn can be a significant shock to the system. There is a plethora of tasks to be completed, and relying on a single individual's capabilities can be exhausting and challenging. By dividing and collaborating with four individuals, sharing the responsibilities and each having an independent voice, there is potential to allocate more time to the joy, satisfaction, and happiness that a newborn brings.

In conclusion, it is recommended that the aforementioned points be discussed with the daughter-in-law in order to ascertain her perspective and ascertain whether there are any difficulties that she is experiencing in raising the baby that she is unable to overcome independently. It

It would be beneficial to communicate to your daughter-in-law your understanding of her perspective. This may facilitate a more constructive dialogue and a greater sense of mutual understanding and warmth. It is my sincere hope that this approach will contribute to a restoration of harmony and happiness within your family.

Good day.

It is more common for women to experience feelings of insecurity in relationships due to difficulties in expressing themselves and a tendency to suppress their emotions. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to feel rejected and lose motivation to communicate, while failing to acknowledge their wife's desire for understanding. The underlying issue lies in the husband-wife relationship within the small family unit, and a solution can only be found by focusing on this relationship.

Did the issue exist between the extended and nuclear families prior to this? Or was it present but not apparent?

Ultimately, the questioner is often treated like a channel for anger, rather than a means of resolving it. Why is it that some men can serve as a buffer for both sides' emotions, while others can only be treated like a "sandbag"? I believe the issue lies in the "male mindset" in the middle. To resolve the problem, the approach must be targeted and solution-oriented.

Suggestion 1: When your wife is dissatisfied, listen to her concerns and attempt to comprehend her true inner feelings.

From the prenatal period through to the postnatal period, there are a number of subtle changes that occur. The entire family is focused on the baby, and the daughter-in-law's own mother has not returned due to the ongoing pandemic.

The daughter-in-law consistently feels overlooked and believes her in-laws perceive her as pretentious and believe she should endure any challenge for the sake of the child. She had a C-section, making it even more challenging for her. At the time, I was the primary focus for her emotional support, while the attention was primarily on the infant.

I am frequently criticized for not providing adequate care for the children. My daughter-in-law is particularly dissatisfied.

For example, in the problem description, the wife seems to be criticizing her in-laws for encroaching on the family's rights, disrespecting her, and ignoring her problems. However, the real concern is likely the issue with the children, as the birth of the children has disrupted the balance of the family. The elderly and the new parents lack the knowledge to care for a child, making the problem more complex. The misalignment of opinions is evident. As the primary family member, it is advisable to discuss with your wife how to resolve matters related to the children. Additionally, providing your wife with emotional support during the process will help her feel noticed and cared for, which will ultimately relieve her inner anxiety.

It is recommended that you communicate with your parents in a transparent and respectful manner, while maintaining clear boundaries.

Subsequently, due to concerns regarding the children's health and education, my parents consistently provided guidance, which I found particularly challenging. This ongoing parenting conflict persisted.

Subsequently, my daughter-in-law frequently expressed dissatisfaction with my parents, and my parents also often voiced discontent with my daughter-in-law. I am uncertain how to proceed, and each attempt at reconciliation has ultimately resulted in further complications.

After establishing effective communication with your wife, it is essential to take a clear stance with your parents. Assure them that you and your partner are capable of handling the challenges of parenting, despite being new to the experience. Emphasize that learning and growth are inherent aspects of parenting and that they can trust your ability to care for the child. Parents often have a more open and understanding relationship with their adult children than their daughters-in-law. This makes them more receptive to discussing boundary issues and other matters related to the child. The husband can serve as a mediator between the parents and wife, diffusing negative emotions and fostering positive energy. The focus shifts from expressing dissatisfaction through the child to providing comprehensive care for the child.

3. A man's shoulders should provide a wife with support, but he is under no obligation to listen to all of her "complaints" and learn to filter them.

I previously lacked emotional awareness, but over time, I became more sensitive to my surroundings. I often attribute this shift in perception to my current financial situation.

Often, I become irritated by the remarks made by my daughter-in-law, which causes me to experience feelings of frustration and discontent. This often leads to arguments between us, as we attempt to resolve the underlying issues.

Ultimately, it became an untenable situation, and I am unsure of the outcome. How should I proceed with this relationship?

If a wife has needs for her husband, her husband will undoubtedly have needs for her as well. When a wife loses the ability to listen, her husband may unconsciously take on the problem subliminally, because men need the recognition and support of their wives. It is evident that the questioner has also developed negative emotions in response to the situation. They are sensitive to problems and interpret them excessively, thus experiencing negative internal pressure and becoming less self-assured.

It is important to be aware that women are more likely than men to express themselves emotionally. This is not a cause for concern, as rational thinking will gradually return afterwards. Therefore, you do not need to over-interpret a woman's expression when she is focused on complaining or venting her emotions. Instead, when your wife really returns to a calm mood, you can express yourself clearly and tell her that you feel sad and powerless in the face of what is happening. You can also express your hope to gain your wife's support. A wife who is empathetic and loves the family will definitely be able to understand her husband's expression and slowly try to adjust herself. Therefore, when facing conflicts between the extended family and the nuclear family, the primary solution must be the relationship between the husband and wife. Only when the relationship between the husband and wife is harmonious can their emotions and sense of strength be restored. This will enable them to face the problems brought about by the outside world together.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Dear question asker,

It is challenging to provide guidance on family life in such a limited space. Nevertheless, I hope to have the opportunity to converse with you further and to offer support when you feel uncertain or overwhelmed.

[Wife's initial task]

I'm curious if you also lived with your parents before getting married. If so, it seems that when you married your wife, there wasn't much change in your living situation.

However, your wife may find marriage a challenge. She may need to integrate into a completely unfamiliar living environment and find a way to gain a place for herself within the relatively fixed family structure that has existed in your home for more than 20 years.

It is understandable that this task may present some challenges, as power struggles within the family are often unavoidable until a state of equilibrium is reached.

It might be said that this marks the beginning of a power struggle.

As you mentioned, when it was just the two of you, you had a harmonious relationship because your parents didn't interfere in your relationship. However, when a child is born, it can lead to a shift in dynamics and a potential for differing opinions on decision-making.

While it is not ideal for your parents to be involved in your marriage, they are well-positioned to contribute to the care of the baby. Their experience in raising children, the need for their support due to your and your wife's busy schedules, and the prevalence of intergenerational parenting in society all make their involvement a valuable one.

[Double-sided tape or punching bag]

[Double-sided tape or punching bag]

It seems that you are experiencing strong emotions, which may be difficult to control and could potentially affect the entire family. It's understandable that you're trying to find a solution that will "make peace between conflicting sides," as the current situation is quite challenging for you.

The scene you described in your article brings to mind a domestic drama about the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law called "Double-Sided Tape." The male protagonist in the show also encountered similar problems. He tried to be the "double-sided tape" to glue the two sides together, but in the end was unable to save a harmonious family. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether it would be more beneficial to stop and think about how to help your wife complete her original task, rather than continuing to be swept along by uncontrolled emotions.

Could you please clarify where the boundaries, positions, and power balances of each person in this family lie?

I hope the questioner will take the time to clarify his thinking and take appropriate action to create a harmonious environment for your children to grow up in. It would be wonderful to see him become a strong but gentle father!