I had a fight with my mom, and she treats me with kid gloves. I'm in pain. What should I do?

Hello, topic master. Let's start with a hug across the air. I understand your current state and mood very well. In fact, we can look at all these things that bother you in two ways. I know that solving life problems with philosophical thinking sometimes leads to different results.

1. About marriage pressure

Our society is evolving, and the future will bring more independent women. This will lead to a more open and flexible approach to marriage. There is no longer a question of whether you are old enough to marry, but rather whether you are in love. If you marry for the wrong reasons, you will face problems. It's time to face the facts.

2. About being fat

There are many types of fat people. If your blind date dislikes your weight twice, then you need to take control and make a weight loss plan. This is the beginning of self-discipline and a great opportunity for self-growth. Nowadays, everyone is busy and no one has time to study whether a soul is interesting. They are only interested in people before they study their souls.

3. About mom's attitude

Your mother loved you and was trying to protect you from hurting your self-esteem and damaging your self-image. She denied that people found you fat, and she became cautious, which caused you a lot of pain. It wasn't necessary. You should take action to change your appearance. When you become confident, you will find that the world is different.

The questioner needs to face life with a confident attitude, and they need to do it now.

It may appear that there is a general understanding of the pain you are experiencing, but in reality, many individuals and even the person themselves may not fully comprehend the intricacies of this issue. I will address this from three distinct perspectives.

From a societal perspective

The age of 30 is a particularly sensitive one. The special thing about it is that the whole society can discriminate against and suppress you in the name of loving you. This is evident in the attitude of the people around you towards your matchmaking. They blame you for not trying to get a man to marry you. The pain of this kind of pressure is that you can't find a source of pressure. You don't know who to argue with and prove to, and you don't know where to fight back. This pain is suspended in the air, and the only way to break it is to not care.

From family members

The underlying logic of your description of your mother as "cautious" and "caring" is that "you are now a vulnerable group that needs special care." Because of the fact that you are 30 years old and unmarried, your mother seems to perceive this as a negative situation, one that is undesirable and abnormal. This also causes your mother to feel embarrassed. Due to a marital issue, you are placed in a vulnerable group, and you are not even permitted to be seen with other advantages and positive attributes, let alone be appreciated.

To your mother, you are now in a similar position to a child who is not yet ready to use the toilet independently at the start of their school life. You must support them through their treatment, boost their self-esteem and accept that there will be some shame involved.

It may be necessary to make significant changes in order to overcome this obstacle.

From your own perspective

It is evident that despite the discomfort, there is a desire to fulfill one's mother's wishes. There is an understanding of one's mother's positive intentions. However, when confronted with criticism about one's appearance, there is a tendency to question one's own self-worth. The desire to please others is understandable, but it is crucial to maintain self-acceptance.

There is no inherent problem with age, marital status, or body shape, provided that one does not fall short of the expectations of certain individuals. No one can deny you on the basis of these factors. However, if you deny yourself, you may miss out on potential connections with individuals who genuinely appreciate you. These individuals may be more numerous than you realize. It is therefore advisable to proactively seek out such connections.

Hello, dear questioner!

As a woman and someone who has also experienced the pain of finding a spouse at an older age, I really understand your pain, especially your feelings of breakdown twice. Hugs to you!

I can really relate to your kindness. It's so admirable how willing you are to make everyone benefit from your presence, especially your mother.

You want to fulfill your mother's wish as soon as possible and get married. Deep down, you also hope that the future husband will be proud of you.

But all these hopes have been dashed because of our so-called "fatness." It really hurts us, who are kind at heart.

Hug you again!

From my experience as a former child, I want to tell you that we should be kind and respectful to our mothers. It's important to remember that our mother's love for us is unconditional and infinite.

Oh, that's not the real situation at all! Moms' love is boundless and selfless.

We just have to enjoy ourselves! Just as you broke down and argued with your mother because of the limitations we think we have,

Don't worry, this is totally allowed. Your mom will be totally fine with it too!

This is the kind of love only a mother can give.

A mother's love is like a deep, caring river. It flows ever deeper the more careful the mother is, and it's so wonderful to have a mother like this by your side, even if she does push you to get married! In the future, we'll definitely be fighting our way forward with this kind of carefulness, watching our faces and secretly pushing for marriage when the opportunity arises. Life is like this, with rain and mud, and only after that can there be a beautiful rainbow!

I'm so happy to say that with my mother's support, I finally got married! I truly believe that there is a place for everyone.

I truly believe that the right person is waiting for you in the future. You're just a little overweight, and I consider myself to be in a worse situation, but I've gotten through it, and I know you can do it too!

You are so unique, and you should believe in yourself! It's not all about losing weight.

Don't worry about it too much, sweetheart. I'm sure there will be someone who likes you for who you are.

Let the past be the past, my dear. Look ahead with your head held high, because the future will definitely be bright!

You've got this! When this difficult stage is over, you'll be so grateful for your current strong self, your mother who pushes you to get married, and your carefulness.

: Wing's mom.

Just remember, this is the darkness before the dawn. The sun is always breaking through the clouds!

Smile and face life with a big, beautiful smile! The world and I love you!

Good day, inquirer.

I have read your description and understand that you may have been preoccupied with your career or studies for many years, which may have resulted in missing the optimal period for selecting a partner. This is a common occurrence. It is possible that there are other factors that are more significant than choosing a partner. Therefore, it is essential to acknowledge these factors and address them. Even if our mothers or those around us do not fully comprehend the situation, I have gained insight into what has prevented me from addressing this matter for an extended period. It is not due to a lack of capability, but rather because of other pressing responsibilities.

It is important to accept oneself fully, including one's physical attributes. Everyone possesses both strengths and imperfections. Rather than rebelling against one's mother, it is more constructive to strive for a deeper connection. She represents a significant aspect of one's identity, yet she is not the sole defining factor. There is much more to one's self-perception than merely the physical body and its perceived shortcomings.

When our mothers discuss us, we likely internalize the negative aspects of ourselves and desire to convey to them, "I am a commendable child; I seek your acknowledgment." We attempt to engage in a dialogue with our inner voice.

Your mother compared you to others and attempted to substantiate her assertion by engaging in a telephone conversation. It is possible that you perceived your mother's disapproval, or perhaps it was your sense of shame that was at play. Your mother stated that the individual she had arranged for you to meet did not find us physically attractive. Indeed, if we were to consider the situation from your mother's perspective, what course of action would you take if you were in her position and faced with your daughter's inquiries?

It is possible that your mother is merely offering an excuse, but it would be prudent to at least consider her perspective. She is concerned about her own aging process and the prospect of growing old without a partner to care for her. Her current anxiety is likely driven by a genuine concern for your well-being. She aspires for you to find a suitable partner, but she may be worried that as you age, you will be overlooked by potential partners.

Indeed, the incident is inconsequential in comparison to the underlying needs of your mother. Once these needs are addressed, the matter will be resolved.

I wish you the best of luck. I am currently behind on my obligations.

I extend my affectionate regards to you, and I wish you a pleasant night.

Hello, question asker!

When you reach the age of marriage and having children, your parents will do their best to match you with a partner and help you get married. This is how they got through it when they were your age, so they'll think it's for your own good. They'll be busy worrying about everything, and they'll seem to think that if they're not so active, they're not good parents.

Everyone's different. Even if you're close with your parents, you'll still have different views on marriage. You might not see eye to eye, and the topics you discuss might not always align. I get that you want a happy marriage but are also worried about the reality and feel uneasy about it.

First of all, marriage is about loving someone and there are many ways to show love. It's not about how you look or what you have, but about finding someone who will appreciate you and love you for who you are. It's a happy and wonderful thing, so just wait for it to happen. There's no "best" now because there will be something even better waiting for you in the future.

Second, marriage is a combination of many factors, so values are very important. How do you view the world, your own life, and what is right and wrong? It's important to clearly establish your own criteria for choosing a spouse. Combine your own actual situation with your values and give your partner an accurate position. Then, when you meet the right person, you'll do your best to actively pursue it. If it's not right, you won't marry just for the sake of it and leave the problems to the future spouse to deal with.

Third, parents love you in their own way and don't have a set of rules for what's right or wrong. They don't always understand your true feelings, so it's important to communicate with your mother. You don't need to negotiate, and you can do it while shopping, cooking, or watching TV together.

Tell your parents what you really think in a way they can understand. This will help them to understand you, support you, and create a great life together.

At the end of the day, you're you, the only you there is. So, stand tall, live your life as your own person, make your life better, plan ahead, start each day with a smile, and believe that he's just around the corner.

Good day, my name is Xiaolan, a family psychology expert. You may also refer to me as Chenxi. In this discourse, I will present my perspectives based on my theoretical framework, with the aim of providing a constructive contribution to the ongoing discussion.

From your statements, it is evident that you perceive yourself to be overweight and inferior in this regard. Additionally, you appear to be experiencing difficulties in forming a marital relationship due to your weight and age, and you express a profound sense of guilt towards your family.

This inferiority complex and guilt towards one's family have resulted in a heightened level of sensitivity.

Indeed, the most salient impression derived from your account is that you are apprehensive about becoming a liability to those around you. You are concerned that you may be unable to fulfill the expectations and meet the needs of others.

In conclusion, the aforementioned factors, including weight and marital status, can be regarded as symptoms and consequences of an underlying fear of being unable to satisfy the needs and expectations of others.

It is not the case that one's weight is a barrier to going on blind dates or meeting people.

In other words, the individual in question is afraid that they cannot satisfy the expectations of others, and thus uses their weight and other external factors as an excuse for avoiding activities such as going on blind dates, finding a partner, or getting married.

The concluding portion of the lengthy statement is of particular significance. Despite being in their thirties, the individual in question still relies on their mother for care.

From this sentence, it can be discerned that a considerable degree of guilt is experienced towards one's mother.

Furthermore, it is challenging to discern the influence of your father in your demeanor. You only alluded to his presence in a cursory manner. Could you elaborate on the specific remarks made by your mother and father?

It is also possible that there was a lack of attention from the parents during the formative years of the individual in question. Alternatively, it may be that the father expressed dissatisfaction with the individual from an early age, which may have resulted in the development of a character with a lack of self-worth.

It is evident that the individual in question requires a greater understanding of their own sense of value. This is evidenced by the statement made by the individual, which indicated that a blind date would be arranged once a certain weight loss goal had been achieved.

This information has not been conveyed to your mother.

However, it is likely that your circumstances will impede your ability to achieve this goal. While you may have the intention to lose weight or even a strong desire to do so, it is probable that you will encounter difficulties in translating this intention into action. Furthermore, even if you do succeed in losing weight, it is likely that you will face challenges in maintaining this weight loss.

Additionally, there is a concern that even if you achieve a certain level of physical fitness, you may still experience a sense of inferiority in other areas, which could potentially prevent you from engaging in future social interactions. For instance, your age may become a limiting factor.

From your description, it is evident that you require a greater understanding of your own sense of value. This may be in regard to your own sense of self-worth or in regard to the value you bring to others. Either way, it is crucial for you to gain this understanding.

It is evident that you lack a sense of self-identity and self-worth. In any social situation, whether it be a blind date or an interaction with others, you tend to become highly sensitive, irritable, and suspicious.

At a fundamental level, there is a pervasive concern that others may view you with disdain. This apprehension extends beyond the context of your blind date and romantic relationships to encompass your familial relationships, particularly with your mother.

Therefore, it is this writer's recommendation that you seek the counsel of a qualified mental health professional, such as a counselor, to assist you in developing a personalized self-worth identification system that will facilitate your journey of self-discovery.

Such an approach will prove more conducive to future interpersonal relationships, romantic partnerships, and familial relationships.

I extend my best wishes to you all.

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel your inner self-blame, anxiety, inferiority, pain, and helplessness, and I'm excited to help you overcome them!

I'm not going to go into all the details of the troubles you've had with love and marriage, but I'm going to give you three pieces of advice that I think you'll find really helpful!

I've got a great suggestion for you! Why not try to understand yourself and give yourself a little comfort?

Doing so will make your heart feel slightly lighter, which will help you think about what to do next—and you'll be amazed at what you come up with!

You said that you are an older woman, and your mother is especially worried that you will never get married. She is always pushing you to get married, which is a great opportunity for you to stand your ground and make your own decisions! This, combined with the pressure from your relatives, has made you feel like giving up twice. After arguing with your mother, you watched her carefully treat yourself, and you also felt very painful. Coupled with your lack of confidence in yourself, you are a little overweight, so you will blame yourself, feel sad, inferior, and anxious. In fact, your state of mind is understandable, and you can absolutely turn this around!

You haven't found a partner by marriageable age, which can make you anxious. Your family and relatives are pressuring you to get married, which can make you feel even more anxious. After arguing with my mother, I saw how she carefully treated me. Anyone else in my situation would also blame themselves and doubt themselves, thinking that they shouldn't make their parents worry when they are already so old. This includes your self-doubt about your figure, which is difficult to lose weight in a short period of time. This is also the case for anyone else who is anxious and not confident. So you have to try to understand yourself, comfort yourself, and "see that inner self of yours with all kinds of negative emotions, but temporarily not knowing what to do, anxious and in pain." This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your brain will be constantly filled with all kinds of negative emotions. You can do this!

The good news is that by allowing yourself to try to understand and accept yourself, you can make it possible to promote change in the current situation! It may sound contradictory, but that is the way it is, because change is based on allowing for no change.

Second, I highly recommend that you take a rational look at your own situation.

Rationally viewing the situation is a great way to understand yourself and reality better!

To get the full picture, there are two simple things you can do:

The good news is that falling in love and getting married is not something to rush. It takes time, but it's worth it!

In other words, while you understand your own anxiety and the anxiety of your family members, you should also try to tell yourself that marriage is not something to rush into. It's a wonderful thing when two people come together in marriage! It takes time to face yourself squarely, to understand your own standards for choosing a spouse, and to understand what kind of person is relatively more suitable for you. Don't get married just for the sake of it. Find a truly happy marriage that is right for you!

Second, get this: the status quo can be changed because you can change!

When you exert your subjective initiative, you'll be amazed at how quickly your body image issues, relationship with your mother, and various negative emotions within yourself will improve! You need to see your own abilities.

I really encourage you to focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you think about it rationally, you'll see what you can do! At this point, you should focus on yourself and give it your all.

For example, you should definitely try to accept yourself and see the good things about yourself! That way, you can become more confident and ease your inner anxiety. Don't say you have no good points, because everyone has them, and you're no exception. From your description, I can see that you're not a bad speaker. You came here for help, which shows that you're motivated. You argued with your mother and blamed yourself, which shows that you have the ability to reflect and a grateful heart. So you see, you have many good points! When you see your own strengths, you'll feel better.

You can also address your shortcomings by accepting what cannot be changed and changing what can be changed. Just as you said, you are on the heavier side and want to lose weight, which can be changed. You can start taking action now! The simplest way is to eat less rice per meal and exercise when you have time. You will see results in a month or two. Of course, you can also find a professional coach to help you lose weight healthily. As your figure slowly improves, your mood will naturally improve!

Have you ever thought about having a good chat with your mother to resolve your inner self-blame? It could be a great idea! When you communicate with her, first think from her perspective and try to understand her. This will help her "hear" what you are saying. Then it is best to start sentences with "I" more often and talk more about your feelings. Avoid or minimize the use of sentences starting with "you" because the latter will make her feel rejected and blamed, which is not conducive to communication between you. After you communicate with your mother honestly, she is likely to understand you and stop pressuring you to get married. Her anxiety will be reduced, and your psychological pressure will also ease a bit. Moreover, you can also talk to her about your inner self-blame and tell her not to be so cautious. In this way, your relationship will also improve!

You can also consciously learn some skills on how to interact with the opposite sex, including understanding how to set objective and reasonable criteria for choosing a spouse. There are so many ways to do this, such as reading relevant books or learning from friends around you, etc.! This will help you to gradually improve your dating skills and feel better. In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the current situation, and you can do it!

When you start taking action, something amazing happens: all kinds of negative emotions in your heart are naturally resolved! Why? Because taking action is the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I'll be happy to talk to you one-on-one!

In the Naruto anime, there is a chubby boy named Tenten, and he is absolutely adorable!

Dingzi boldly declared to the enemy, "I hate it when people call me a fat pig."

Then, after taking the secret medicine, I burned fat and my life transformed into a pair of chakra wings! It was like a caterpillar breaking out of its cocoon and becoming a butterfly—I became powerful, beautiful, and tragic!

Guess what! The year I watched Naruto, I weighed 180 pounds.

In the years since I lost weight to 230 pounds, I always think of Dingci's secret medicine and the incredible pair of wings that burst out!

Hello, question asker!

There's a saying that really gets me going: "Don't look at how ugly you are, but how beautiful you think you are!"

Absolutely! When I look inside my heart, I can see that I was right to be told off by this brat.

In this half of my life, I have relied on beautiful fantasies to get through difficult times, and I have also grown big!

Absolutely! That is not a typo.

The food that made me fat was not delicious at all! It was cheap meat, fried carbohydrates, bad beer, and tasteless salt, sugar, and pepper.

It's my fantasy that makes these things irresistible!

And of course, how could I do without love in my fantasies?

Love is like Ding Zhi's secret medicine!

I swear, if someone loves me, I will lose weight!

I thought it was the perfect excuse to give up and die, because I was convinced that no one would ever really love me.

Guess what!

There really are people with such a strong sense of taste in the world! I have met someone who loves me unreservedly and wholeheartedly.

Guess what! I'm trying to lose weight again... I'm not sure if I can, but I'm going to give it my all!

I am absolutely certain that as long as you keep meeting new people, you will find true love one day!

As for the questioner's mother feeling overwhelmed, just let her be!

Everyone has their own way of relieving anxiety, and it's so great that we all have different ways of relaxing! Some people eat, some people drink, some people talk, and some people kiss!

Their mouths are already busy, so they should take a little break!

It's tough to see you and your mom in such a constant state of stress-what-should-i-do-4306.html" target="_blank">conflict. It seems like there are some deep-rooted issues between you that are difficult to overcome, which have caused you a lot of stress and anxiety, and even led to some emotional breakdowns.

It seems like you always have a few days where you're on the brink of collapse. This could be a side effect of the stress you normally experience. It also makes you realize that your mother is pushing you to get married, as if she just wants you out of the house quickly.

If you don't know, you might think she's trying to start a business or something. But we can also see our current lives and the world. It seems that many things are beyond our control. We can see that there is often a generation gap between our parents' way of thinking and ours.

You've also said that she's always pushing for a wedding and hasn't stopped. She's even asked relatives to join in, which makes you feel worse. The way the other person looks at you is also increasingly discouraging and full of prejudice. They either dislike this or that about you, and it may be appearanceism or age discrimination.

This kind of discrimination will affect you. Your mother still thinks you think too much and are always hiding information. You feel even more uncomfortable, as if you're still being pampered despite being thirty years old. This really makes people feel passive. I recommend you read some books about the original family: "The Awakening of Parents," "Teaching Optimistic Children," "Parenting through Play," "It's Not Your Fault," and "Don't Control Me with Love." Good luck.

ZQ?

Hello, question asker! After reading your text, I really want to say that parents love their kids unconditionally!

There's always a lot to think about!

First of all, I can tell you're not happy about your mother's pressure to get married. It seems like you're embarrassed to refuse, so you're only accepting it reluctantly. I'm here to support you. At the same time, I can see that you're a very filial child, beautiful, and kind.

Secondly, when your mother arranges a boyfriend for you, she's enthusiastic but oblivious to your feelings. She just wants to find someone to take care of you in the future, to be there for you when you're tired or sad, and to make your life happy and joyful. But she ignores your thoughts and feelings, which is why there's such a difference of opinion.

What are your thoughts on this analysis?

Then you mentioned that it seems like everyone is concerned about your weight. I think it's important to remember that we can't control how others perceive us, but we can control how we perceive ourselves.

From the bottom of my heart, I can tell you also care about your body and want to lose weight. If you want to lose weight, what methods can you stick to?

Why not give it a go? 30 is a great time for women, when anything is possible.

What are your thoughts on this?

Also, it's important to face your emotions. If someone throws something at you and you don't accept it, does that mean it's still in the other person's hands? Unspoken emotions don't disappear, they're just temporarily hidden, and one day they'll present themselves in another form.

Finally, be honest with yourself. Nobody's perfect. Admit that you also have needs and consider whether they've been met as much as you've considered the needs of others. Don't suppress your true feelings to maintain an image. It's better to drop the pretense and face it head-on.

I'm Tianya, and I'm happy to help. Please follow me, and I wish you all the best!

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

In light of your experience with blind dates, I am reminded of my own past. I was once overweight and lacked knowledge about appropriate attire. My colleagues described me as a plain individual. Upon reaching a certain age, my parents encouraged me to seek a partner and get married. When they arranged blind dates to hasten my marriage, I was fearful of being hurt, similar to the original poster, who is currently experiencing a similar blend of anticipation and apprehension.

I even contemplated not getting married after being rejected twice due to my weight. When my parents suggested setting up a third blind date, I declined. I am capable of being happy on my own, so I had no interest in being subjected to the advances of strangers. My parents recognized my attitude and understood that they had previously caused me distress due to my self-consciousness about my weight.

Subsequently, my parents viewed the photographs and informed the other party that I was a tall and chubby girl. If they had a preference for thin and petite girls, there was no need to proceed. The other party expressed positive sentiments after viewing my photograph and expressed interest in meeting in person. The third blind date was now my husband. Sometimes fate is just so amazing.

I had a disagreement with my mother, and she has been excessively accommodating. I am experiencing distress. What should I do?

It is important to be clear about your own criteria for choosing a spouse.

Due to the age discrepancy and parental pressure to marry, the questioner has developed a sense of obligation, which has caused distress. Additionally, the previous unsuccessful blind dates have led the questioner to perceive a shift in her mother's attitude towards her.

For parents, the hope is that their children will find the right partner and spend the rest of their lives together. Previous marriages were often entered into without sufficient consideration of the other person, which has led to a lack of acceptance of young people who pursue love before marriage.

In the event that one is facing pressure from one's parents to marry, it is advisable to choose a spouse according to one's own criteria. This is because one's preferences are likely to align with one's internal values. Settling for a less suitable choice may result in subsequent conflicts. It is important to remember that everyone has the right to choose. Age or body image issues should not be used as reasons to deny oneself this right.

It is important to release the pressure you are feeling in a timely manner.

Due to my concern about my physical appearance, I have low self-esteem. When you combine this with my parents' expectations about marriage and my age, it is understandable that I am preoccupied with my appearance. The anxiety caused by these factors makes me feel irritable, and I express some of my emotions towards my mother. Given that we have had arguments, I feel that my mother is being overprotective, and I feel sad.

It is clear that the questioner's parents love them. However, there may be a discrepancy between the way they express their love and the way the questioner perceives it. It is beneficial for the questioner to express her inner thoughts, as it allows her parents to understand her attitude.

The use of the word "cautious" indicates that the questioner's mother is currently concerned that the blind date incident may have emotional consequences for you. She is both worried about you and anxious, so it is important to understand your parents' intentions, despite their approach being one that you resist.

It is possible to communicate more with your parents about your inner thoughts and let them know that you also want to have a suitable marriage. However, this cannot be rushed. Marriage is not a game, nor can it be achieved in a short period of time. It would be beneficial to allow your parents to give you more time to prepare. When your parents know your thoughts, they will also understand you. If they stop nagging all the time, you will not feel as much pressure.

It is possible to live a good life even if one is unable to fully accept oneself.

It is commonly believed that self-acceptance is the key to personal improvement. However, it is important to recognise that nobody is perfect and that complete self-acceptance is unattainable. Despite losing a significant amount of weight through exercise and other methods, I still have a pear-shaped body with relatively thick thighs. I have struggled to accept my thighs, but this lack of acceptance does not affect my day-to-day life.

Not accepting oneself can result in feelings of inferiority. However, increased self-confidence can also lead to recognition of one's strengths in other areas, thereby offsetting these negative feelings. I recommend that the individual in question consider engaging in activities that align with their interests, such as dancing, sports, singing, painting, and so on. When we showcase our interests, we have the opportunity to shine and attract the attention of others.

While I am not fully comfortable with the thickness of my thighs, I have chosen to accept them and live in peace with them. I do not believe there is a quick way to change them. However, when I dress in a certain way, the thickness of my thighs is less noticeable, and my waist appears to be thinner.

Thus, viewing the same issue from a different angle can yield disparate solutions. It is my hope that this response is beneficial to the questioner.

Hello, I'm Flower.

When we notice our mother's cautiousness, we begin to feel uncomfortable, which is normal. And perhaps this cautiousness is a good thing for us.

Why does my mother start to be more cautious?

"I didn't burst into tears and scream that I was inferior and fat and that the men I was set up with rejected me. After this episode, my mother's frequency of urging me to get married decreased, but she looked at me as if she wanted to go crazy. She also treated me with great care."

I think my mom is cautious because she sees our pride. She gets our inner concerns and tries to protect us from feeling inferior.

I think we just didn't want to make a scene. We want a good love and marriage. What we really reject may not be the whole matchmaking thing, but the fear of being rejected again and again during the process. Maybe during one of the blind dates, we thought the other person was quite nice, but then we found out that they had rejected us because they didn't like our weight. We know that it's really hard to change our weight in a short period of time, so we're afraid of being rejected again and again due to an uncontrollable factor. This kind of experience is really hard to bear.

There's the frustration of wanting to change but feeling really powerless, and the disappointment of seeing hope only to have it swept away. It's not a good feeling. So, when Mum sees this, she knows how we feel inside, and that's why she becomes so careful.

At 30, you're still her child.

"Now that I'm 30 years old and still rely on my mother for support, I feel like I'm not contributing much."

The upside of having my mom take care of me is probably the care itself. In life, we'll face a range of challenges, some easier than others.

As we grow up, we learn to solve problems on our own. But we don't have to do it alone.

When we face challenges, we can still seek help from others, and there's no shame in that. It's similar to when we're 30, we can still rely on our mothers, which is normal, and it doesn't make us "useless."

Everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to matchmaking, these differences can make it more challenging. Having a mother's guidance can provide a sense of stability and support. So, why not give it a try and experience the warmth of a mother's love?

Who says fat girls can't get married?

Since then, I've become even more self-doubting. I can't lose weight quickly, but I'm getting older and can't stop dating. I reject the idea of an arranged marriage, but I didn't tell my mother that I want to wait until I lose weight. I just told her that I heard you say that your match dislikes my weight.

It might seem like the world isn't very friendly to fat girls, but it's important to remember that being fat isn't a disadvantage. Some people may prefer thinness for aesthetic reasons, but that doesn't mean fat girls aren't accepted.

The most important thing in love and marriage is character, and whether the two sides can get along. Chubby girls can also have their own value in life and their own unique love.

Just go for it! Even if you don't succeed, you'll have tried your best. I hope you find your perfect match.

Dear Question Asker,

The individual in question is a 30-year-old adult who is overweight, unmarried, and facing social pressure from family members to enter into a marital relationship. Psychological factors contributing to this situation include an inferiority complex related to weight, which has led to an emotional breakdown.

Your mother is currently providing you with care and support, which is understandable given your recent experiences. It is not uncommon for individuals in your situation to experience feelings of guilt and distress due to the care they are receiving. It is important to recognize that seeking help and support is a positive step towards managing your emotions and coping with the challenges you are facing.

Your decision to seek psychological assistance demonstrates a commendable commitment to introspection and personal growth.

The concept of love and marriage can be understood in two distinct aspects. Firstly, there is the individual emotional journey, which encompasses the development of romantic and sexual attraction to the opposite sex. Secondly, there is the broader social and cultural context within which this emotional journey occurs. In order to gain a deeper understanding of the individual emotional journey, it is essential to consider the following questions: Have you liked the opposite sex or been liked by the opposite sex since your adolescence? What are your criteria for choosing a spouse?

This is an intrinsic emotional need. Conversely, the marital stability and harmony exhibited by one's parents can influence one's own preferences in a partner and attitudes towards marriage.

This is also of significant importance.

Individuals tend to prioritize physical appearance, and a positive appearance can confer significant benefits. You have indicated that you intend to lose weight to enhance your readiness for a romantic relationship, which is a commendable objective.

Prior to embarking on the weight loss campaign, it is essential to examine the psychological processes that underpin your decision.

It is evident that you do not like your current self, as evidenced by your stated intention to lose weight. It is also challenging to request that you accept yourself. Our initial objective is to assist others by empathizing with them in an equal relationship, providing emotional support while helping you to understand your own emotions.

Do you recall your previously held ideal weight? Is this a figure from the past?

Please describe the circumstances that led to your current physical condition. Have you ever consumed a large quantity of food or drink when experiencing negative emotions such as distress or anxiety?

Do you perceive an improvement in your emotional state when you consume food?

If this is the case, it is essential to be aware of one's emotions, confront them directly, and acknowledge that they are merely emotional in nature. Attempting to resolve emotional issues through eating is an ineffective strategy. Even if one achieves weight loss through sheer perseverance, the likelihood of resorting to overeating when confronted with similar challenges in the future remains high.

Subsequently, two actions are required. Initially, communication with parents is necessary to discuss attitudes and beliefs regarding marriage. Given the age of 30, there is minimal urgency regarding marriage. Secondly, a realistic evaluation and mental preparation for weight loss are essential.

One must consider the question of how much weight one wishes to lose and what the desired outcome should be. It is advisable to have a detailed plan in place and to have a clear understanding of the data that will be used to measure success.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is of some assistance.

My name is Chu Mingdeng, and I extend my love to the entire world.