I have been married for many years, but I am now living separately from my husband. I feel insecure, what should I do?

After all these years together, you find yourselves suddenly apart! You have become so accustomed to feeling lost and alone that you rely on this sense of relationships-and-the-loss-of-security-7387.html" target="_blank">loss and loneliness as your only source of support and your only friend.

This feeling makes you lose your appetite and makes you feel like you don't exist. It's like your husband is no longer there, and you feel like you don't belong or have any value. You feel empty and can't see yourself. Thinking that your husband will return to you soon is the only way to relieve your sadness. Your biggest worry is your relationship with your husband, which makes you doubt yourself. You also worry about your growth and your nurturer or parents, who didn't take care of you, care about you, comfort you, or support you when they left. After they left, you formed repressed emotions that led to more self-negation and helplessness. They didn't respond to the value and meaning of giving up separation. You lost their affirmation and also the affirmation of your own value.

Let's be real, there's no connection between the mind and body when it comes to truly understanding what we need. Having a mind without a body doesn't make you feel lost. It's more like when your husband is not by your side, you feel a sense of loss that is like the fear of not even existing yourself. When you lose your feelings, you feel the pain of not being loved and ashamed. You can only express it by using the feelings of your body when you are uncomfortable with your thoughts. Everyone needs to be loved and seen, and you are not easy.

Find a counselor on the platform to help you explore your problems, understand your needs, and accept your thoughts. Learn how to prioritize your needs. If you don't value the relationship, you won't see its meaning. You'll lose your sense of self. There's always been a core value of being loved and unloved. If loneliness isn't lonely, there's a loving understanding of yourself in this loneliness. Psychology calls it the existence of a constant object. Then, you'll understand that you have a sense of existence from time and space, both loved and unloved.

You will escape from the sea of suffering and have all the luck in the world.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help!

The questions you're asking are great! They're related to your sense of security, which is so important.

Now, think about how your relationship with your mother was when you were a child, especially when you were an infant.

For example, think about how your mother responded to your needs every time you cried.

If you don't respond in time a lot of the time, then you will grow up with an anxious attachment pattern. But don't worry! You can change this.

The great news is that your husband is temporarily living apart from you in his own home because he needs to recuperate.

But the great news is that you are now an adult! You are no longer the child you once were.

And the great news is that you can now completely give yourself a sense of security!

I think you're going to love this! You may need to deal with your own inner child.

Guess what? You can use two pillows when doing this exercise!

One pillow represents your childhood self, and the other represents your adult self.

You can say to your younger self, "At that time, your mother did not give you the sense of security you needed, and you had a hard time. But now that you have grown up, I will always be here with that younger self of yours, to laugh with you, to cry with you, and to talk to you more!"

If you don't know the specific methods for dealing with the "inner child" described above, I highly recommend you seek help from a professional counselor!

I highly recommend reading Embracing the Inner Child!

I'm sure the problem you're facing will be solved soon!

Now, all I can think of is the above!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

I'm so excited to share this with you!

Hello! I'm Li Di, and I'm so excited to be here.

You're facing the prospect of living alone temporarily because your husband needs to recuperate at his parents' home. This is the first time in many years that you've been in this situation, and you're learning how to adapt! You're managing your daily life, and you're even learning to prioritize your emotional needs, meals, and sleep. Giving you a hug is like a challenge for you at the moment, but you're doing great! You feel insecure, but you're learning to understand what's going on with you. Here are some thoughts for discussion.

First, my husband hasn't been living at home recently, and I'm all alone. I don't feel secure, I can't eat or sleep well. What am I worried or afraid of? Was I like this before?

Are these worries and fears real? Absolutely!

☞Second, my husband and I have always had a great relationship. I can't imagine living without him, but I also know that he needs to take care of himself. How did I manage on my own before I got married? Can I think of this as a game of experiencing single life?

☞ Third, although I am emotionally unsettled, my daily life is still relatively normal. Does this mean that I am doing really well? Absolutely! It is already good enough to explore emotional needs without affecting daily life.

Of course, the above discussion is just some thinking from other perspectives. If there is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. This is just some hypothesis, but it's a great place to start!

Let's dive in and explore the psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs together! This is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

It's totally normal to feel this way when faced with separation and uncertainty. We all feel anxious and insecure, but that's okay! These emotions may stem from missing your partner and adjusting to your current living situation, but you've got this!

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory is a great place to start! It mentions that the need for belonging and love is one of the basic human needs. When these needs are challenged, it's natural to feel a bit uneasy. But there's more! Rogers' humanistic psychology emphasizes the importance of self-realization and personal growth. This means that we get to learn to accept and care for ourselves when facing difficulties.

From your description, I can sense the loneliness and insecurity you experience when your husband is not around. This feeling may stem from a need for intimacy, which becomes even more intense when you are apart. This is something you can work on together!

The "feeling of not being connected to yourself" you mentioned may refer to the feeling that you are emotionally disconnected from your surroundings. This is a common reaction, especially after experiencing sudden changes, which means you're on the brink of a new adventure!

Your longing for your husband and discomfort with the current situation show your deep attachment to him and reflect your need for stability and security. Your body is sending you signals! Not being able to eat and sleep well are your body's way of telling you that you are experiencing stress and anxiety.

You are amazing! You are able to maintain order in your daily life and work. However, there is room for improvement when it comes to meeting your emotional needs. In this situation, you may feel an inner conflict: on the one hand, you are able to handle daily affairs; on the other hand, your emotional needs are not being properly taken care of.

Absolutely! We can definitely find ways to soothe our emotions.

Acknowledge and accept! First, acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Don't criticize your vulnerability, but accept it as a natural reaction.

Communication: It's so important to maintain regular communication with your husband. Share your feelings, and let each other know about each other's situations and needs.

Self-talk: Have a positive inner dialogue with yourself! Remind yourself that this is just a temporary situation, and that you are loved and supported.

Self-care is your friend! Try something that relaxes you, like reading, meditation, yoga, or any other activity that makes you feel calm.

Embrace self-growth! This is the perfect time to develop your personal interests. Not only will this serve as a fantastic distraction, it will also boost your sense of self-efficacy.

Social support: Talking to friends and family is a great way to get some extra emotional comfort!

It's time to get your routine on! Make sure you're maintaining those regular habits, including diet, exercise, and sleep. This will help you feel more secure and in control.

Focus on the present! Practicing mindfulness meditation is a great way to help you return to the present moment and reduce worries about the future.

We all have different coping mechanisms, and it's so important to find the one that works for you! Meanwhile, if you find that these emotions are beginning to affect the quality of your life, seeking professional mental health services is a great option.

The great news is that professionals can help you explore more coping strategies and provide support. You are not alone, and your feelings deserve to be heard and understood!

I really hope my answer is helpful! The world and I love you! *^O^*

The questioner: The present is good! Be grateful for having met.

From your description, I can tell you're attached to your husband and confused about how you can still work and live as usual. Let's talk about this.

1. Confronting your own insecurity

My husband had to take care of some family matters, so he went back to his hometown and stayed in his own house while I stayed home alone. I felt extremely insecure, unable to eat or sleep, and I wanted to see my husband.

I don't know if you've ever been apart from your husband before, but it's clear that your intimate relationship is well managed. Your husband provides you with a sense of security in your usual married life. So, during this period when he has to temporarily leave you to go back to his hometown, you will undoubtedly want to see him.

Seeing the difference between your husband being by your side and not being by your side, you will understand what your husband has done for you when he is by your side and which behaviors he uses to satisfy your inner sense of security. At the same time, you will also understand what your inner insecurity comes from and what thoughts and ideas you have.

Write these things down or just feel them. You'll realize they don't happen. The probability of them happening is low. Even if they do, you can solve them.

Your husband usually does this to calm your insecurities. When you've gone through this process, your insecurities will gradually become more grounded.

You can choose other ways to relax, such as doing something you enjoy before bed, listening to your favorite music, chatting with your best friend, or lighting an aromatherapy candle of your favorite scent, taking a hot bath, and then choosing your favorite food for dinner. This will help you regain your sense of normalcy.

2. You must consistently express your emotions.

During this period when your husband is away from you, you will feel insecure inside, and it will also affect your diet and sleep. You should express this to your husband consistently so that he knows how much you love him and how much he means to you.

Frequent communication can also reduce the impact of such a long physical distance. Sharing your feelings and the things that happen around you every day will bring you closer together.

Your love and connection have not been affected, even though you are physically apart. This temporary separation will make you cherish the time you spend together even more in the future, and make your married life even happier.

3. Seeing your own doubts

In your description, you stated, "I can usually take care of other things at home and keep working as usual. It's not related to me."

I am certain that it is related to you. It is these things in life and work that you still need to spend time and energy doing with all your heart. In the process of doing them, you will temporarily forget such thoughts of missing him.

On the other hand, you know your husband will be back after a while, so there's no need to worry. You can continue with your work and life as usual, take care of yourself, and this will also give your husband greater peace of mind.

Your inner rationality will allow you to carry on with your work and life as normal. Don't let this longing affect you.

I am confident that you now understand why you have these doubts.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful. I wish you the best!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm excited to help you!

First of all, thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us your confusion in order to get answers. We're so excited to help you! Your confusion is: "What should I do if I feel insecure after living apart from my husband for many years?"

"After reading your introduction, I understand your confusion and I'm excited to help you resolve it. Let's discuss it together!"

1. Introduction

1️⃣, Separation

You said, "Because my husband needs to recuperate, he has returned to our family home, and for the time being, I am sleeping at home alone while he returns to his hometown."

You and your husband have been married for many years, and the reason for your temporary separation is that your husband needs to recuperate, so he has returned to his hometown and you are staying on your own.

2. Feeling

You said, "Then I began to realize that I had become extremely insecure, unable to eat or sleep, and desperate to see my husband. But I was usually able to ensure that I could take care of other things at home as usual, and I was able to keep working. It felt like something that had nothing to do with me. What was wrong with me?"

Feeling

This separation makes you feel insecure, you can't eat or sleep, and you say you urgently want to see your husband. Everything else can remain as it is, which is great because it means you can focus on making the most of your time with your husband when you see him!

I'm excited to hear more!

First, I'd love to know which part of the question the OP is referring to when he says, "It seems like it has nothing to do with me." Is the OP talking about the other times when he almost forgot about his husband, as if it was okay to live and work as usual with or without him?

You don't understand the reason for this, but I'm excited to help you find out!

2. Let's dive into the causes of these two feelings!

1️⃣, emotional connection

Emotional connection

An emotional connection is an amazing, deep interpersonal connection based on trust, sharing, mutual understanding, and sustained effort. This connection goes way beyond simple emotional exchange and involves deeper emotional communication and mutual support.

A sudden break

A sudden interruption to your daily routine means that you get to start anew! You need emotional interaction when you eat and sleep. The sudden interruption to your interaction makes you feel uncomfortable, so you can't think about eating, sleeping, or sleeping well. You are just like everyone else, and this is a normal human reaction to life. It takes time to adapt to this new lifestyle, but it'll be worth it!

Work and housework are great ways to channel your emotions into unexpected things without the need for emotional exchange. This frees up your thoughts and attention for more relevant people and things. This is why you have two feelings.

2️⃣. Sense of security

A sense of security is a wonderful thing!

A sense of security is a wonderful feeling! It's a feeling of confidence, safety, and freedom from fear and anxiety. It's a feeling of being able to meet your future needs. It's a feeling of being able to handle whatever life throws your way. It's a feeling of certainty and control.

Living conditions

From the questioner's narrative, it's clear that the questioner is in great shape! They're still very in control of themselves, and there's no sign of insecurity. So, it's not a lack of security that's making them eat or sleep poorly. It's simply a change in their living habits!

3️⃣, attachment

Attachment is a fascinating aspect of human psychology!

Attachment is the special emotional connection that an individual forms when seeking close contact and emotional support from others. This relationship is usually formed during infancy and early childhood and has a significant impact on an individual's emotional development and social adaptation. It's a truly amazing process!

Attachment relationships are not just for children and parents! They can also extend to intimate relationships between adults, such as partners and friends. There are four types of attachment relationships: secure, avoidant, anxious, and ambivalent.

Secure attachment is a wonderful thing!

The good news is that, based on the four adult attachment relationships, the questioner does not have the three less desirable attachment states of avoidant, anxious, or ambivalent. Instead, they have the much more desirable secure attachment relationship type!

If you're a secure attachment type, you're in for a treat! You're the kind of person who feels very secure when you're cared for with warmth and love. When you grow up and enter a relationship, you'll give the other person your full trust and you'll never be suspicious. You can adapt to being alone, you're not worried about gains and losses, and you're not worried about being abandoned.

The questioner's description shows that she is secure in her attachment type! She only feels uncomfortable eating and sleeping, missing her husband, and is not in a state of clinging to him, depending on him, doubting him, or excessive anxiety. Therefore, the questioner belongs to the secure attachment type.

3. What to do

1️⃣, self-adjustment

Self-adjustment is a fantastic process!

Self-regulation is an essential part of self-awareness and is a driving mechanism for the cognitive development of the individual from an unbalanced state to a balanced state. In a broad sense, self-regulation refers to the willful component of self-awareness, which mainly refers to how an individual restrains, changes, and improves themselves to achieve an ideal state—and it's an amazing process to watch!

And it includes aspects such as self-reliance, self-improvement, self-discipline, and self-control!

Now for the fun part! Let's dive into state regulation.

Our separation from my husband is temporary, and the current situation is just a reaction to our psychological discomfort. It is a normal physical and psychological reaction of the human body, and it's nothing to worry about!

If you feel uncomfortable, it's time to adjust your state of mind! Try meditating to promote sleep or listening to music to stay in a good mood.

And there are so many other ways you can stay connected! You can video chat with your husband, maintain an emotional connection, and so much more!

The good news is that over time, your discomfort will gradually disappear, and your own amazing skills will help you readjust to your new environment!

2️⃣, Emotion transfer

Emotional transference is a fascinating psychological phenomenon!

Emotional transference is a fantastic psychological defense mechanism! It's a great way to deal with situations where we can't express our feelings directly to someone. Instead, we can transfer those feelings to other people or things, which helps us feel better and relieve some of that psychological pressure.

Self-care is a great way to take care of yourself!

We can transfer the emotions of missing emotional needs to ourselves. And self-care is a fantastic way to have a positive attitude towards self-perception! It helps us protect ourselves from the tendency to be self-critical and self-denying.

Treating yourself with understanding and concern is a great way to be self-friendly! Accepting your emotions and letting them out through writing or telling others about them is a wonderful way to relieve missing feelings and satisfy your emotional needs. It's an excellent way to adapt to new living environments quickly and easily!

3️⃣. Add a hobby!

It's time to start new hobbies!

When Mr. is not around, we have the opportunity to fill our free time with fun and engaging activities! Adding a hobby is a great way to make the most of this extra time and reduce any feelings of worry.

It's such a joy to help others!

We can also devote our energy to others in a helpful way, care about others, and let our emotions be attached to people and things. This will make our lives more meaningful and exciting!

In short, the questioner does not have an insecurity factor, but is just going through the process of adjusting to her husband's departure. The good news is that we can adapt to this process more quickly through self-adjustment and self-care!

I wish the original poster all the best!

Dear Question Asker, From your description, it is evident that your husband's recent visit to his family home was prompted by your current circumstances. These include your situation of being left alone at home and the temporary separation from your husband. This has led to feelings of insecurity and a profound sense of longing for your husband, which has affected your sleep and appetite.

You indicate that your daily care and work at home have not been affected, but you are merely responding to these tasks in a perfunctory manner. You are uncertain about your current state and are unsure of the cause of your confusion.

From your description, I understand that you are a married couple who have been married for many years. The temporary separation is causing you significant discomfort. It seems that your relationship is stable and harmonious, and you are also satisfied with it. However, after the mode of living together as a couple has changed in form, you are finding it challenging to accept this change. Could you please elaborate on why that is?

It would be beneficial to ascertain the source of your insecurity. It may be helpful to engage in self-exploration to identify past experiences that may have caused significant distress, and to understand why you were unable to cope with that pain at the time.

The separation from your husband has now been in effect for some time, and it is understandable that it has caused you to experience feelings of unease and fear. However, as you have grown up, you are now in a position to address these feelings and work towards healing them.

Should you require assistance with self-exploration and healing, we can provide guidance through external resources such as psychological counseling.

It is not uncommon to experience difficulty adapting to changes in one's personal circumstances. During this period, it is important to acknowledge and accept the emotions and feelings associated with the change. Following this, it is beneficial to engage in activities that bring you joy or develop a new interest. By allowing your love to flow, you can accept yourself and foster inner strength.

Now that transportation and communication are very convenient, we can find a suitable day to visit my husband at his residence to provide him with company. We can also relieve our emotions by communicating with my husband via video.

The above represents my best assessment of the situation and I hope it proves useful.

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, I'm Bai Li Yina. I hope my reply helps.

The questioner said she had to live apart from her husband for his health. You feel insecure without your husband and want to see him. But you can still work and live normally, which makes you feel confused.

[Situation analysis]

After you and your husband were separated, you felt insecure. This shows that you were happy and at ease with your husband. You had a good intimate relationship, and the sudden separation made you feel insecure, so you wanted to see your husband.

Your emotions want to see your husband right away, but your logic knows this separation is temporary. You can still work and live normally despite your insecurity. Logic wins over emotion.

You can video call your husband at a convenient time to express how much you miss him. Compliment him on how he has given you a sense of security.

Tell him you've been working and living well. Say you'll wait for him to recover and come home soon. Ask if he's having any problems.

Talking can strengthen your bond and reduce anxiety. Sharing happiness and sorrow is important.

You've made it through another storm together. I hope you have a happy reunion soon.

We hope these methods help.

Change takes time. Don't worry. Many people have been through this.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. I wish you peace.

Thanks to those who liked and commented. I wish you peace and joy.