I have never been in a relationship in real life. What if it is difficult to enter into an intimate relationship in real life?

Good day, young lady. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I extend my support in the form of a hug.

You are experiencing some relationship issues. Please accept this warm embrace.

I believe your resistance to the opposite sex may have been caused by the harassment you suffered at the hands of your trusted older brother when you were young.

This may have resulted in psychological trauma.

It is as though your inner child is still affected by the negative experiences you had in junior high school.

Should you require it, you are encouraged to participate in a course with Mr. Shi Qijia to "heal the inner child."

If your financial situation allows, you may also wish to consider seeking the assistance of the platform's professional counselors.

If you are unsure of the duration of your counseling needs, you may initially consult with the platform's instant listener.

The listener will provide an initial analysis of your current issues.

If necessary, she will direct you to a qualified counselor.

I hope the issue you are experiencing can be resolved promptly.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

I hope my above responses are helpful and inspiring to you. I am the solution, and I study diligently every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and wish you the best.

Hello, questioner! You inquire, "You have never been in a genuine relationship and it is challenging for you to enter into an intimate relationship in reality."

I would like to begin by congratulating you on your self-awareness. It is commendable that you are able to observe yourself from the perspective of an outsider.

Let's take a look at your questions together, if you'd like.

You say you have never been in a real relationship, but you have had online relationships with girls. It seems that in real life, you find it difficult to enter into intimate relationships and prefer to remain a paper person. It's interesting that every time you go on a blind date, it always ends when it comes to confirming the relationship.

You seem to have a certain apprehension about discussing topics like commitment, marriage, and children. When these subjects arise, you may find yourself wanting to disengage from the person you're with.

Even if the other person is good in every way, I find it challenging to develop a positive feeling towards her. Similarly, I tend to avoid excessive physical contact.

Could it be that my expectations are simply too high, making it difficult for me to open my heart to others? Or might my reluctance to trust men stem from a traumatic experience with a trusted older male figure during my youth? Or could it be that I harbor misogynistic views and suffer from severe PTSD? I find myself deeply affected whenever I hear anything about this topic.

You are a very lively and talkative person, not guarded towards others, and relatively easy to trust. However, you are cautious when it comes to forming close relationships with men, and you are also particularly sensitive, serious, and suspicious, analyzing every kind of sixth sense in conversation or behavior. What can you do to overcome these challenges? Do you just remain single on your own merits?

I am content with my current situation and am grateful for it. However, I am wondering if it might be helpful to seek the guidance of a counselor. If so, I am curious as to how long the process might take.

You have a strong sense of self-awareness and analytical skills.

Your ability to observe yourself so comprehensively and meticulously suggests that you possess a notable degree of self-awareness. Additionally, your inclination to delve deeply into your own analysis is commendable.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to seek the guidance of a counselor is yours to make. In response to your question about your emotional needs in your marriage,

You have the option of learning and exploring on your own, which may allow you to gradually discern your authentic inner needs. Alternatively, you could consider seeking the guidance of a counselor, who could assist you in analyzing and observing yourself. This approach might prove more expedient than relying solely on your own insights.

Ultimately, the choice depends on your personal growth goals. While exploring on your own can be beneficial, it may take more time. Given your strengths in awareness and self-analysis, you may find that you can grow effectively on your own.

Dear question owner, I wish you well! I hope my answer is helpful to you. I send you my best wishes and the world sends you love.

Hello, host. I'm July.

From my perspective, the issues you've outlined seem to stem from your current outlook. It's admirable that you've taken the initiative to seek guidance on social media platforms, as it shows your courage in facing challenges you've been grappling with.

From your description, it seems that forming intimate relationships may be challenging for you, particularly in terms of physical contact. It's possible that past experiences have shaped your current approach to intimacy, potentially leading to some degree of avoidance or resistance towards men or intimate partners.

Given your experience of being molested by someone you trusted when you were a child, it is understandable that you would be hesitant to enter into closer relationships. It is natural to feel afraid that you will be hurt even more, and it seems that you have developed a defense mechanism to protect yourself from further harm.

I must admit that I do tend to feel a certain degree of frustration when confronted with such topics. I believe that this is a natural response, and that it serves as a form of self-protection, given the pain that the past self has endured.

Furthermore, it is possible that opening this topic with others may result in a double hurt.

In light of these considerations, I have also put together a few suggestions for ways you might be able to find some relief from your current situation.

(1) It is important to recognize that the pain you are experiencing will not go away. It will always be a part of you, and it is understandable to feel this way. You may find it helpful to try talking to your past self, rather than avoiding the issue, in order to gain more courage to face it.

(2) Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that the past self did not do anything wrong. It might be beneficial to try to understand the past self, as you were the victim of past events.

(3) You might consider talking to someone you trust about your feelings, so you can better understand and release them. It's okay to share as much as you're comfortable with.

(4) It may be beneficial to consider psychological counseling as a potential avenue for support, as it has the potential to assist in integrating oneself and facilitating changes in the present.

(5) The duration of psychological counseling is dependent on a number of factors, including the individual and the nature of their issues. Additionally, the approach of the counselor may influence the length of the counseling cycle. Generally speaking, those who adhere to a psychoanalytic school of thought may require a longer period of counseling, while those who follow a cognitive behavioral approach may require a relatively shorter period of counseling.

I would like to extend my love to the world and to you.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello! I saw your title and I'm excited to share some of my thoughts and feelings.

Use your title to answer your question. The phrase "I have never been in a relationship in real life" actually shows that you deeply desire intimacy. Intimacy is a calling within you, and it's time to bring it into your real life! "It is difficult to enter into an intimate relationship in reality" is just an excuse. There are many reasons why it's difficult to enter into an intimate relationship in reality, for example:

Some people are afraid of being judged by the other person, but there's no need to worry about that!

Some people worry about losing themselves by becoming too dependent on someone, but there's no need to fret!

Some people worry that being too close to the other person will make them feel insecure. But there's no need to worry!

Some people don't believe that anyone really loves them, but they're wrong!

Some people worry about their inability to handle the relationship well and experience frustration. But there's no need to fret!

Some people worry about the eventual separation, but there are so many reasons to be excited about the future!

And the good news is that the difficulty in entering an intimate relationship is itself a protective umbrella, protecting us from harm and preventing us from entering a relationship that makes us anxious, fearful, afraid, or sad. When we haven't actually entered a relationship, the relationship is still being formed in our imagination, and our imagination presupposes many possibilities that may make us feel uncomfortable, but they are not necessarily real.

...

Our imagination space is a wonderful place, but it can sometimes be filled with worry and fear. These feelings are often related to our past experiences and environment. Our past experiences have formed our attachment patterns, our understanding of ourselves, and our sense of security in relationships.

When we were babies, we saw ourselves in our mother's (or primary caregiver's) eyes, and those interactions of smiles and frowns allowed us to get to know ourselves and gradually form relationship patterns and internal protective mechanisms. So if we want to enter and establish a stable intimate relationship in reality, the point that needs to be worked on and grown is our inner self—and it's an amazing journey!

And the best part is, you can learn to trust others and enjoy love in relationships!

And the best part is, you can find yourself in a relationship without losing yourself!

And the best part is, you can meet your own needs in a relationship without losing yourself!

And the best part is, you can love yourself and the other person in the relationship at the same time!

Psychological counseling is an excellent way to work with our inner world, our experiences, and our feelings. It is a fantastic way to help us move from the space of fantasy to the space of reality, because there is someone in the counseling process who is willing to accompany you on the journey to becoming better!

I really hope my sharing above is of some help to you!

I wish you the absolute best!

Hello! You may find it challenging to enter into intimate relationships in real life and may tend to avoid or seek ways to escape when faced with such a relationship.

You have looked for reasons in your own upbringing and are very curious to know why this is so and what you should do. I can relate to your feelings!

How might we begin to understand ourselves?

You mention that you're hesitant to discuss confirming relationships, that you're cautious about building intimate relationships, and that you're particularly sensitive, suspicious, and critical. This could be a reflection of your avoidant attachment style in close relationships.

Avoidant attachment is one of the four attachment styles. It is often the case that patients who display this attachment style did not receive sufficient attention and love from their parents during infancy.

It is not uncommon for parents to respond to their children's needs in ways that are inconsistent, sometimes providing and sometimes neglecting, which can make it challenging for children to feel secure.

It is thought that children instinctively protect themselves in order to adapt to their parents' attitude, and that they may show indifference and unconcern at their parents' departure. It seems likely that this attachment pattern in close relationships will continue into adulthood.

It is particularly the case when entering a romantic relationship as an adult that such individuals may conceal their desire for care and love, acting as though they have few emotional needs.

Due to their experiences in infancy, they often understand that it's not advisable to become too invested in a relationship, that they don't require external validation, and that they can love themselves. This approach can be perceived as a safer one. Such individuals often exhibit a complex relationship with intimacy, oscillating between desire and apprehension.

and embrace themselves

Everyone has a different upbringing, which shapes their personality. Sometimes, childhood wounds take a long time to heal. When we have the ability to reflect on ourselves and see our own inner coping mechanisms, we need to accept this self and know that this self is worthy of love.

It would be beneficial for you to affirm your own value. It is possible that you have experienced a number of challenges during your growth process, which may have led to the formation of negative thoughts about your own value. You may have come to view yourself as "I am worthless, no one will truly like me."

It would be beneficial for you to affirm your own value. It is possible that you have experienced a number of challenges during your growth process, which may have resulted in the formation of negative thoughts about your own value. You may have come to view yourself as "I am worthless, no one will truly like me."

It may be that you have not had the experience of being supported and protected by others in your life, and that you have not felt the warmth of sincere love. This can lead to a tendency to doubt those who approach you. Even when others express like and acceptance, you may find yourself questioning their motives. It is understandable that anxiety and conflict can arise from self-doubt.

It may be the case that nobody in your memory has stood up for you or protected you, and nobody has warmed you with sincere love. As a result, you may doubt everyone who approaches you, and even when others like and accept you, you may question why they do so. It is possible that anxiety and conflict will arise within you from self-doubt.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to learn to affirm yourself. You say that you have a lively personality, that you are a chatterbox, that you don't guard against people, and that you are relatively gullible.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to learn to affirm yourself. You say that you have a lively personality, that you are a chatterbox, that you don't guard against people, and that you are relatively gullible.

From your description, I can tell that you are a lovely person who is capable of forming trusting relationships with others.

Every life is valuable. There is no need to be troubled or feel guilty or uneasy about your shortcomings. It would be beneficial to focus on your own merits and strengths. It would be helpful to accept your current situation with an open mind, treat others with the same tolerance, and always face life with a calm attitude.

How might one go about growing themselves?

From what you've shared, it seems like you have a lot of self-awareness and are able to connect it to your upbringing to understand the reasons behind your experiences. This is a very positive step!

It is possible to change avoidant attachment, even though it can affect your life. When you are able to love yourself and others through self-growth, you will be able to accept love and perceive it.

It is possible to change avoidant attachment, even though it can affect your life. When you are able to love yourself and others through self-growth, you will be able to accept and perceive love.

First, it might be helpful to avoid labeling yourself too quickly. You have obviously learned a lot in the process of becoming aware of yourself, which is indeed a very good habit. However, it might be best to avoid rushing to draw conclusions about yourself in the process of learning.

First, it might be helpful to avoid labeling yourself too quickly. It's clear that you've learned a great deal in the process of becoming aware of yourself, which is a wonderful habit to have. However, it might be best to avoid rushing to draw conclusions about yourself in the process of learning.

When we lack sufficient knowledge about a subject, it can be challenging to navigate it effectively.

Second, you might consider seeking help from a professional. If you have become aware of the influence of your upbringing on your present situation and are keen to understand it better, you might find it helpful to learn more about psychology or to seek counseling. Professional help can often lead to a deeper understanding.

Third, it might be helpful to just let life happen. You say you like being single and are happy in your current state, so it could be beneficial to just enjoy that happiness.

It is not necessary to rush into an intimate relationship before you feel ready. It can be helpful to adopt a flexible approach when it comes to relationships.

My name is Teng Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor. I hope that you will find these suggestions helpful.

Hello, question asker!

I commend you for your awareness and introspection.

You say, "Every blind date always ends without getting to the relationship confirmation step," "I'm still a strong patriarchal and PTSD sufferer, and whenever there's even a hint of this kind of topic, I'll blow my top," and "I really like being single." These issues may require some time and attention to address them fully.

I would be delighted to have a chat with you and I hope it will be of some inspiration to you.

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a look at our attachment types.

It is often the case that in our process of establishing an intimate relationship with a potential partner, we find ourselves repeating the relationship we had with our parents in our childhood.

Have you ever considered learning more about your own attachment patterns?

It is thought that people's main attachment patterns can be divided into four types, according to psychologists.

There are four main types of attachment: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.

People with secure attachments often feel at peace within themselves, feel relaxed and comfortable in relationships, and can easily form intimate relationships.

Similarly, when they were young, they would play quietly when their mother left their sight, because they trusted that she would come back.

In essence, avoidant attachment can be described as a desire to be loved, yet a simultaneous refusal to accept it.

If you were often ridiculed by your parents as a child, you may find that you are particularly sensitive as you grow up.

It can be challenging to take the next step in a relationship when we feel afraid of being hurt.

It might be helpful to consider that during our primary school years, we may have experienced disappointment due to the actions of a figure we trusted. This could have left a lasting impact on us.

It can be challenging to enter into an intimate relationship.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on our attitudes towards men. Do we sometimes feel insecure?

If this is the case, it might be helpful to take a closer look at the issues involved, identify the underlying wounds and explore ways to gradually work through them. It may also be beneficial to rebuild trust in men.

2. Consider ways to heal past wounds.

I'm not sure how you came to be the person you are today, with the challenges you're facing.

How might we view this issue now?

If left unresolved, past experiences can have a bearing on our present circumstances.

When we were young, we had to accept the preference for sons over daughters, as there was nothing we could do about it.

As long as we have the opportunity to grow up, we can re-examine it.

It would be beneficial to be aware that there are individuals who adhere to these beliefs.

We can try to avoid letting these thoughts influence us.

Ultimately, each of us must decide for ourselves what our value is, rather than allowing others, including our families, to dictate this for us.

It would be beneficial for us to recognize the impact that male superiority has on us.

For instance, we might consider whether we may have any hidden hostility towards men and be on our guard.

Perhaps we can begin to repair this by adjusting our perceptions.

When we were young children, it was also important for us to find ways to heal when someone we trusted molested us.

At that time, we had not yet developed the skills to protect ourselves as effectively as we would have liked.

Now, we have the opportunity to recognize what kind of people or behaviors we like, and we can also find ways to protect ourselves.

At the same time, we can gain a more objective perspective.

We have the capacity and resources to cope.

It would be unfair to say that all men are bad. There are many men who will not hurt us.

Perhaps it would be helpful for us to learn to be more objective.

3. Whether to choose to remain single or enter into a close relationship.

There is no definitive answer as to whether it is better to be single or to enter into a relationship.

It is important to remember that just because we find it challenging to connect with others, it does not mean we should avoid it and miss out on potential opportunities.

I admire your courage in exploring these issues.

You inquire as to whether psychological counseling is a lengthy process. It is important to set your own counseling goals.

Could you please tell me which problem you would like to solve most?

If you are simply seeking to enter into an intimate relationship, counseling may not be a necessary step.

I believe that psychological counseling is a beneficial approach.

There are a variety of ways to heal.

As an example, you might like to consider the "Mystery Love and Marriage Experience Camp," which is a group support method that you can try.

You might also consider finding a heart exploration coach to help you work through one issue at a time, which could be beneficial in helping you identify and address your own challenges.

In short, while the time required is uncertain, it has the potential to help us grow a little bit, reduce inner conflicts, and live the life we want.

If it might be of interest to you, you might like to read Intimacy.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

It's hard to have an intimate relationship in real life because of fear.

The poster is a girl who has had an online relationship with a girl. When she wants to confirm a romantic relationship with a guy, she runs away.

The host of this building seems to have done some self-analysis of this situation. Let's take a look at the reason.

1. They want a safe, intimate relationship.

He's never been in a real-world relationship, but has had online relationships. It's difficult for him to enter into an intimate relationship, and he prefers paper people.

The landlord likes virtual girls and figures.

They're pure, harmless, and not harmful.

The virtual world is full of fantasies.

It's hard to expose yourself and be manipulated.

The host wants intimacy, but only if it makes them feel safe.

2. Fear of a harmful relationship

Every time you meet someone, the relationship ends at the stage of confirmation. You seem to be afraid to talk about getting married, having children, etc.

The host tries to get in touch with the other person even though he can't have an intimate relationship.

The host wants an intimate relationship.

You feel threatened when the relationship is confirmed.

What is the danger?

After confirming the relationship, are you afraid of being controlled by your partner?

Are you afraid of being separated after marriage?

Fear of hurting the baby after giving birth?

The host may have had similar experiences. She feels that women and children are vulnerable in intimate relationships and at risk of being hurt.

The host is likely to fear harmful relationships.

3. Fear of harmful intimacy.

Even if the other person is good, there is no way to like them. There is also no way to have too much physical contact.

Are your expectations too high? Can no one meet them?

Or was it because you were disappointed by the harassment of a trusted older boy in your early teens?

The host's perception is very good. There is no way to like the other person.

If the host has been mistreated by male family members, they may view other boys negatively.

You'll have an idea of what an ideal man is.

If a boy you trust harasses you in junior high, you may feel unsafe around boys.

If you can find a boy who makes you feel safe and secure, you will be able to accept him.

But this is hard to do in real life because your inner world hasn't changed.

4. You may resist men because of the trauma of son preference.

Or is she a misogynist with PTSD? She gets angry at the slightest mention of this topic. I'm outgoing and talkative. I'm not wary of people and easy to trust. However, I'm wary of men when it comes to building intimate relationships. I'm also sensitive, serious, and suspicious.

The original poster has been affected by patriarchal discrimination.

The poster is on guard and resistant.

When you see a guy, you instinctively raise your hair, grab a weapon, and warn him off. You say you won't be nice to him, no matter what.

She only wants to get close to boys if she can stop hating men or if she can let her guard down and feel valued by them.

5. Set goals and get help if you need it.

What can I do? Am I single by choice? I like being single. Do I need counseling?

Is it okay to have to wait a long time to get psychological counseling?

The host said he likes being single and living a happy life.

If the host wants intimacy but is staying single because of fear, you can probably overcome your fear through therapy.

Intimacy is a special kind of relationship, so it's better to heal in a relationship.

If the owner wants to seek counseling, it may be better to find a male counselor of the same orientation as the owner. This can help the owner change his views and feelings about men, and thus be able to successfully enter into an intimate relationship.

You can also find a psychotherapist of a different orientation, preferably one who is empathetic.

I hope this helps.

I'm Yan Guilai, a counselor. Best of luck!

Hello, question asker: You sound interesting. Let's break your question into two parts:

Why is it hard to start a close relationship?

Do you need to be in an intimate relationship?

Why it's hard to start a close relationship.

When we talk about this, we usually say we can't feel love in a relationship. What do you think a woman is like? If you meet a girl you like, you'll want to be with her and feel close to her, right? So don't worry, you haven't met the right girl yet. Maybe you meet people through blind dates and you're afraid of getting involved. This shows you want someone who's not messy. There are people like that, but you need to keep looking until you find someone who matches your dreams.

Read the book Feeling Loved: The Art of Finding Happiness in Intimate Relationships.

Some habits and practices can prevent people from feeling loved. This is as basic as air and water. It can happen when people take drugs, rely on electronics too much, or don't communicate face-to-face enough.

You like paper people. Is your social circle too narrow? Do you lack face-to-face communication?

Emotional trauma

You said an older brother harassed you. I don't know how much this hurt you, but it did. You need to see a counselor.

Do you need to be in a relationship?

If you can find happiness at work, with family and friends, and take responsibility for your own happiness, you already have the characteristics of "androgyny." If you need a relationship to bring you security, worth, and intimacy, you need it. Everyone needs the emotional energy of an intimate relationship.

How long will counseling take?

The Yi Xinli platform has discounts on Singles' Day, including a package of six counseling sessions. By building a trusting relationship with your counselor, you can learn more about yourself and develop good relationships.

I'm Zhang Huili, a listening therapist. I hope my answer helps. Ask more questions if you want. If my answer was useful, please like it.