I keep my distance from friends who are already in a relationship. Am I doing the right thing?
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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
I have a relatively good friend of the opposite sex. We met while working summer jobs. We are both college students, but he has already graduated. Then, two days after I started working at this factory, a girl also came. After that, we all got to know each other. Later, they became a couple. I made it very clear that I only considered him a friend. Sometimes his friends (male friends) work late, and they go home in one car. He waits for him, and he calls me to go out and play. Before they started dating, I went out and played with him, but after they started dating, he called me again, and I also wanted to go out and play, but I felt that I still had to maintain some distance, so I refused him. And last time he asked me, I let him ask his girlfriend to go out with us, but his girlfriend didn't want to go out, so I didn't go either. Today, he asked me again to go out and play (badminton), and I refused, and told him the reason, saying that I was afraid of conflicts between them. After he heard it, he said that I was overthinking things. I feel that after I said this, it feels like it has hurt our friendship. I also care a lot about this friend of mine, and I am also very conflicted about whether what I did was right or not. I am very conflicted,
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Comments
I understand your concerns and it's really thoughtful of you to consider everyone's feelings. It seems like he might not fully grasp the situation from your perspective. Communication is key, and maybe explaining your feelings more openly could help.
It sounds like you're handling everything with a lot of care and respect for all parties involved. Sometimes people don't immediately understand boundaries until they're clearly explained. Perhaps having an honest conversation about how you feel can clear up any misunderstandings.
You've been very considerate of his relationship and it's important that he recognizes the effort you're making to respect it. Maybe suggest activities where everyone can join or find separate times when his girlfriend isn't available, so you can hang out without causing tension.
It's tough because you want to preserve your friendship but also respect his relationship. Have you thought about talking directly to his girlfriend? She might appreciate your concern and could provide some reassurance or insight.
Your intentions are good, and it's understandable you want to avoid any potential conflict. Maybe proposing group activities or finding other friends to join you two could be a solution. That way, it's less likely to cause any issues.