I like my military partner, but how can I handle his annoying family?

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

Your situation is basically unsolvable.

Everyone is shaped by their family. Even if you uproot him now, he will still argue over people who are not present but are important to him.

It's tiring, and there's no solution. His family can't be changed, so don't make things difficult for him or yourself.

You probably know that as long as you're with him, you'll have to face his original family. Even if he promises you won't live with them after marriage, you'll still have to deal with them.

The law doesn't agree.

You have to face his original family. You know it will be tiring, and your own family is not good either. You have worked hard to break free, and you don't want to get involved in another bad family. So do you think you need to make a decision now, whether to break up or to continue living together and put up with the discord?

Enduring this will be exhausting. If you break up, the other person will be responsible, hardworking, not afraid of trouble, and willing to sacrifice for you.

The other person's shortcomings are also obvious: no independent opinions, no initiative, and low emotional intelligence.

Make a list of what the future holds. On one side, write the person's strengths. On the other side, write the person's weaknesses.

Then see if the pros and cons cancel each other out. For example, being willing to sacrifice for you is a plus, but having no independent opinions is a minus.

Does that mean he'll give you more and have more control when you can make decisions for him? Or maybe two advantages are cancelled out by three disadvantages.

Then see if it's a strength or a weakness.

If it's positive, keep going. But know that if you like the good things about the other person, you have to accept the bad things too.

This person is still good for you.

If it's a disadvantage, forget it.

You can also talk to a counselor. You mentioned that you have broken free from your original family, but it may still affect your next relationship.

I'm a counselor who is both Buddhist and pessimistic, but sometimes positive.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell you're going through a lot of inner confusion and feeling a bit helpless. But you're also aware of it, and that's great! It's so brave of you to face it head on.

You've been together with your military partner for five or six months!

I still like him very much, and I'm excited to see where our relationship goes! His family's atmosphere and his parents' attitude towards you

You feel conflicted, which is totally normal! Your partner also tends to listen to his parents, which makes you feel a bit overwhelmed. Is that right?

From your description, I can tell you're already aware and have come here. You already have the answer inside, but you may care more about the object.

Your current intimate relationship and your future marriage will be filled with exciting challenges as you navigate the differences between your personalities and emotional states. It's a chance to learn and grow together! Now, it's time to focus on your relationship.

How is the level of trust and tolerance between you? This is something you need to consider, and I'm here to help!

All problems are our resources, and we are experts at solving our own problems! Based on your description, I have some suggestions that I hope will help.

First of all, it's time to tune in and identify what you truly want and what's holding you back.

You can do this! You just need to examine what the needs behind the emotions are, constantly sort out your emotions, and slowly you will be able to find some answers.

I want to tell you something really important! Your partner's family is not going to change easily. And as you didn't say, your partner's family depends on him and he is almost submissive to them. What's more is that you need to communicate with him and express your thoughts to him that you are facing this problem together.

And finally, I want to tell you that no matter what your choice is, the most important thing is to learn to love yourself, respect your feelings, and take care of yourself. You can do it!

Hello. I'm listening.

You're torn between letting go and not letting go. You like that he's responsible, hard-working, and generous. But you're worried about his family's expectations and his sister's demands. He avoids communicating with you, which makes you feel disliked.

This makes you worry about the future. You are torn between letting go and not letting go.

You've looked at this comprehensively. You can see how he treats you and his family.

Your advantages and disadvantages are two sides of the same coin.

You are generous with money, both to yourself and to your younger sister.

Listen to your mother and yourself.

2. Find your core needs.

Rank yourself according to your family, housing, savings, salary, education, support for the elderly, and conflict resolution. See if you can meet your needs.

Can you change the timeline? Can you accept the changes?

Think about it from these points of view.

3. You don't trust him.

Going on a blind date behind your back makes you feel betrayed and insulted. You are angry and sad. You feel unbalanced when his family picks on you.

You trust him less, so you listed his shortcomings to feel better.

4. Be honest and build trust.

Talk to your brother calmly. Talk about how you feel and what you think, and what bothers you. If you can't talk calmly, write it down and talk about it without talking.

Talk about your future plans.

Wish you happiness.

Hello, dear friend!

I really like my boyfriend, but I do find his family's way of handling problems and their habits a bit off-putting. I'm just not sure if I want to continue this relationship.

First of all, you have a clear head, which is great!

You know your boyfriend's strengths, and they're amazing! He's responsible, and he loves to give.

However, there are also some disadvantages. He has no independent opinions and is held hostage by the family bonds. He avoids problems.

Are you okay with these shortcomings? Do they bother you?

For example, his strengths of being loving and responsible can be directed at you or at your family—it's totally up to him!

When you are put together with other family members, it would be so great if he would choose to give more to you! It would be really interesting to know if he sees you as more than just another family member.

From what I can see, he really values the family!

Marriage is not just about two people, it's about two families coming together!

His family itself does not have many advantages, but they have high expectations of their daughter-in-law because in their eyes, their son is exceptionally outstanding and deserves a better daughter-in-law. In other words, in real life, it is likely that no daughter-in-law will satisfy them, and even if the girl he is dating marries into the family, the family may suppress the girl and help their son establish dominance. It is a challenge to get along with such a family, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow!

They're just looking to satisfy their own vanity, and they don't really consider their son's happiness.

And marriage also involves the daily grind and requires money!

Your income has room to grow! This man has to contribute half of his income to the family, and sometimes you have to ask him for money. So after you get married, how will you divide up the finances?

Do you have to pay for raising a family and children?

I know you don't want to see this happen!

The person you are looking for needs to take on the responsibilities of the family and be someone who can care for and give to you. But if after marriage your expectations are not met, why get married?

But don't worry! Disappointment will lead to a lot of arguments, and I don't believe this kind of relationship is what you want.

I really hope you can soon escape from your boyfriend's family, which is like a leech!

Hi, zucchini scrambled eggs!

You're having trouble with your romantic and marriage choices. You want to hear everyone's opinions to help you make a choice you won't regret. I want to hug you. You said you finally broke free from your original family and don't want to be trapped by another bad one. You've considered it very objectively and the situation you anticipate is likely to happen. Choosing a partner is choosing your future life.

Let's look at this together and see what you think.

[Dating stage]

You've been together for six months, mostly talking online and only meeting up on vacation. You even went to visit him when he went back to his hometown. You're still in the honeymoon period. For example, your boyfriend came to see you as soon as he got back from vacation and was willing to spend money and make sacrifices for you. These are all signs of being in love, but it doesn't last. During this stage of being in love, you can only see the good in each other. The "problems and shortcomings" you see now are just the beginning.

[Your partner]

He is a soldier, so his identity filters everything. If you become a military wife, you will take care of his family. You admire his strength of character, which is "being responsible." A responsible person is unlikely to unload the "burden" of his original family.

If your interests conflict with those of his family, he will choose them over you. His family is an inseparable part of him, so accept him for who he is.

There's no "good side" of him. If you expect his shortcomings to change, you'll be disappointed.

The reality is pessimistic.

In a relationship, you can only consider the relationship. Most of your current concerns are about married life. So what are the benefits?

You can add this to your thinking.

You're rational and far-sighted, so you can make the choice that's best for you. Whatever you choose, remember to love yourself and make the choice willingly.

I hope it helps.

I'm your friend. Thanks for listening.

Good day, my name is Jokerev. I appreciate your confusion, exhaustion, and ambivalence.

Firstly, I would like to affirm the merits of your partner. His sense of responsibility and devotion to you are commendable qualities. However, you are also experiencing significant distress due to the various pressures and unreasonable demands imposed by his family.

Your relationship is based on mutual understanding and support, but the practical problems do pose a serious challenge to your relationship. The influence of the original family is far-reaching, shaping a person's values and behavior patterns. Your partner is now in a situation where he is suffering from the financial and emotional dependence of his parents and younger sister.

It is important to acknowledge that his parents' actions may be driven by concerns about their future and the potential impact on their lives. However, this does not justify undue interference with their children's autonomy and excessive demands. The manner in which your partner handled this situation indicates a need for continued growth in independent thinking and decision-making, which will require time and psychological adjustment.

It is important to note that this relationship is not only about love, but also about your future quality of life. As a result, you have the right to pursue the ideal married life you want, without being subject to the excessive demands and expectations of others.

It is also important to consider how to assist your partner in gradually extricating themselves from this situation, learning to say no in a reasonable manner, and establishing a clear distinction between their family and personal lives.

I recommend that you have an honest and in-depth conversation with him to ensure that he is aware of your feelings and concerns, and to encourage him to express his thoughts and pressures as well. You may wish to consider exploring solutions together, such as seeking help from a professional counselor or attending lectures and courses on intimacy and the influence of the family of origin, in order to better deal with these issues.

It is also important to remember that everyone has the right to choose their own lifestyle and partner, and that they should not feel obliged to sacrifice themselves in order to cater to the views or expectations of others. The most responsible decision for you to make is one that you have carefully considered.

Regardless of the outcome, it is important to recognize that every experience offers valuable insights and contributes to personal growth. Best wishes for success!

Hello there!

You said that the person you've been dating for six or seven months is in the military. You've been together for a while, and you think he's down-to-earth, so you're getting married!

Love is that simple! It's so lovely when you feel a connection after just a little bit of contact.

I remember that military personnel are only allowed one vacation a year, but this may vary depending on the branch of the military and the region. It can be tough to get time off, though, because of the nature of the military and the strict requirements of the army.

It's so new, you haven't been in contact for very long. So your knowledge of him is limited to what he tells you.

I can imagine how upsetting this must be for you. It's so hard when our loved ones don't make the decisions we think are best for them. It seems like your boyfriend is very obedient to his parents, and in many cases, his parents make the decisions.

It can feel like he doesn't have much say in his own marriage problems, or even the right to choose.

Not only did his family's requirements not match yours, but his attitude, thoughts, and behavior were also not very consistent with yours.

I'm sure you'd feel the same way if your parents asked you to go on a blind date! And as for his ex-girlfriend, she broke up with him because of their height difference. He was totally on board with his parents' decision to stop seeing her.

You really like his sense of responsibility and his willingness to work hard. He's so willing to sacrifice for you, and you like each other a lot!

But he always listens to his parents unconditionally and is not very good at resolving conflicts in a relationship. So, do you think his shortcomings and strengths suit you?

I know it can be tough, but can you tolerate his shortcomings?

Maybe you feel a connection with his sense of responsibility and willingness to work hard. It's possible you've met people with these qualities before. When we feel secure, we're naturally drawn to people who share these traits.

Maybe in the future you'll always look for a boyfriend who's a better fit for you in this way.

I highly recommend the book If Only I Knew Before Marriage. While love is about mutual affection, marriage is a different kind of love, especially in traditional Chinese families, which is a union of two families.

I know you've thought about being a military wife, which means you've thought about marriage and how it might be more difficult if you two were to get married. I really hope you'll read this book, because you'll see that there are so many issues in marriage, such as the economy, housework, family traditions and customs, spending habits, and so on.

There are so many things to think about before marriage! It's so important to get to know each other before tying the knot.

Of course, it would be absolutely wonderful to find a boyfriend who has all the qualities we're looking for, who we get along with really well, and who comes from a similar family background.

In reality, it can be really tough to find someone who's a perfect match. It's totally understandable if you feel stuck in this dilemma!

You've finally broken free from the shackles of your original family and don't want to get trapped in another one. I admire your thinking so clearly.

Given his sense of responsibility, he'll stick with his original family, bless his heart. He's attached to his family members, with no clear boundaries.

In the future, his father, mother, and sister may all be supported by him. If they get married, it will be as if he and you are supporting each other. It's so important for you and him to communicate and discuss important matters to enhance mutual understanding.

The world and I love you, and we want you to love yourself too!

A gesture of physical affection is extended to you initially.

First, it is important to recognize that the emotional challenges associated with a long-term relationship with a military partner can be complex, particularly when the partner's family background and values may exert a significant influence on the relationship. In such cases, it is essential to consider a number of key areas.

Communication and Trust: You indicated that your partner appears to be reticent when confronted with familial disputes and disagreements, which could be a significant issue that necessitates resolution. The establishment of transparent and candid communication channels is vital in a relationship.

It would be beneficial to arrange a meeting with your partner to discuss your feelings and concerns in a more empathetic and understanding manner. Furthermore, it would be advantageous to consider how you can collaborate to resolve these issues.

2. Family Expectations and Personal Values: There are notable discrepancies between his family's expectations and your personal values, which could potentially give rise to conflicts in the future marriage.

It is essential to determine whether these discrepancies can be reconciled and to ascertain the extent of commitment and effort that will be invested in achieving this resolution.

3. Financial dependence: The practice of relinquishing his salary to his family may be indicative of underlying issues. Financial independence is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship, and financial disputes are a common source of conflict between spouses.

It would be prudent to consider whether your attitudes and plans for financial management are similar.

4. Personal happiness and independence: As previously stated, the desire to avoid being trapped by another dysfunctional family is understandable. However, it is crucial to recognize that one's happiness and independence are fundamental aspects of life, and that these values should not be compromised for the sake of romantic attachment.

5. Long-term planning: It is important to ascertain whether your long-term goals and aspirations are aligned and whether you both possess the motivation to work towards their realisation.

Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that this is a decision that only you can make, and that all individuals deserve to experience happiness and respect. Regardless of the path you ultimately choose, it is crucial to ensure that your decision will lead to a life that is fulfilling, secure, and satisfying.

It may be beneficial to engage in a discussion with a trusted family member, friend, or a professional counselor regarding one's feelings and decisions.

Dear questioner, I've read your story and I can see how much you care about your military man and how important this relationship is to you. I also understand your concerns and feelings of helplessness about his family.

Please know that you're not alone in facing this challenge. Many people have been in your shoes and found ways to navigate similar dilemmas. I'd like to share some thoughts and suggestions that I hope will provide some insight and help.

First of all, I just want to say that your feelings are totally normal. It's only natural to feel a bit troubled and unsettled when faced with a complicated family situation.

Don't blame yourself for this. You don't have to take on all the responsibility. You have the right to protect your feelings and the right to choose a lifestyle that suits you.

Next, we can look at this issue from a few different angles. First, his parents might have certain expectations for their son's marriage because of their life experiences and limited perspectives.

This doesn't mean they're trying to be mean or that they don't understand you. It just means they want the best for their son. You can try to talk to them, tell them what you think and feel, and let them know that you're an independent and thoughtful woman who deserves their respect and trust.

On the other hand, your partner's indecisiveness and reticence when it comes to family issues might be related to the environment he grew up in. He may have been used to obedience and compromise in the family, which could have led to a lack of self-confidence and courage when facing problems.

As his partner, you can give him more support and encouragement to help him figure out his own position and point of view. You can take some communication skills training courses together to learn how to better express your needs and feelings.

I know the issue with his sister has been a real source of stress for you. But it's important to remember that she's her own person with her own patterns of behavior and values.

You can talk to your partner about how to communicate with her and explain how her behavior is affecting you. At the same time, try to see things from her perspective. Maybe she's just looking for attention and recognition.

There's a theory in psychology called "family systems theory." It says that the family is like a system, and how each family member acts affects the whole system. So, we can't just look at your partner's family problems in isolation. We need to look at them from the perspective of the whole family system.

You can also go to family therapy sessions or activities with your partner to learn how to handle family issues better and improve family harmony.

OK, let's get to the heart of the matter. There are some issues with your partner's family situation, and these could have a negative impact on your relationship.

But the key is communication and understanding between you both. As long as you can talk openly and find solutions together, you can overcome these difficulties.

I've got some more specific, actionable advice for you on this topic.

First and foremost, it's important to communicate with your partner openly and honestly. Choose a comfortable time and environment, and sit down with him to talk about your feelings and concerns.

You could say something like, "I care about you and our future together. I just want to check in about how your family situation might affect our relationship."

"I hope we can talk about this openly and find a solution together."

Next, you can work with him to set some family rules and values. This can help you figure out who's responsible for what and what you both expect from each other, which will help create a more harmonious family environment.

For instance, you could agree to set aside a specific time each week for family communication, to share your feelings and needs. Or you could work together to set some family goals, such as saving for a trip or a special event, to make the family more cohesive and focused.

In the meantime, you can encourage your partner to take some personal growth courses or participate in some activities. These can help him become more self-aware and improve his problem-solving skills, so that he can become more confident and independent.

You can suggest some courses or activities that might be helpful, like communication skills training or emotional management courses, and go with him to participate.

You can also get professional help if you need it. For example, you can talk to a psychologist or family therapist, who can give you more professional advice and guidance.

You can also join some support groups or communities for military spouses to share experiences and insights with other military spouses and get more support and help.

Finally, I want to emphasize that no matter what the outcome, you must continue to love and respect yourself. You have the right to pursue a happy and healthy relationship.

If you find that this problem can't be solved or is having a significant negative impact on your feelings, you have the right to make your own choice. Remember, your happiness is the most important thing, and don't sacrifice your feelings to please others.

Dear host, I know these suggestions may be a bit much, but I truly believe that as long as you try your best, you will definitely find a solution that suits you. Please know that we will always be there for you, supporting and encouraging you.

Stay strong! Have faith in yourself and your relationship, and things will work out!

I empathize with your situation and want to extend my support. I can sense your commitment to this relationship, while also recognizing the challenges you're facing. It's a complex situation, where you're trying to navigate between what you perceive as right and wrong.

Your military partner's previous relationships were arranged by his parents and subsequently terminated due to incompatibility or other factors. Additionally, his ex-girlfriends were rejected because they did not meet his parents' requirements in terms of height, and they had to hand over half of their wages to his parents. These experiences demonstrate the significant influence his parents have over him and his obedience to their authority.

Furthermore, it is evident that your military partner's parents are concerned about the potential loss of their son and the disruption of their support system.

It is essential to understand the feelings and thoughts of your partner, who is the son of such parents. What are his views on his parents' approach?

Please clarify whether he agrees or not.

If he does not concur with his parents' approach, it is unclear why he would still adhere to their matchmaking arrangements when he already has a girlfriend. If he does concur with his parents' approach and their way of thinking, he may bring this agreement into the intimate relationship. This would place significant strain on his girlfriend, who would be required to maintain the intimate relationship while also taking care of his parents' feelings, needs, and ideas.

It is essential to consider your own thoughts and feelings in order to make an informed decision.

Hello, questioner.

Your problem is not psychological. It is a relationship problem. Psychologists do not typically help clients solve non-psychological problems like this. However, I can see that you are very troubled.

Let me analyze the situation. I'm confident this will help.

From what you've told me, I think it's important for you to understand a few things about your boyfriend. For instance, he left the countryside, was admitted to military school, and became an officer.

Has his family helped him a lot, even at the expense of themselves? Now he needs to repay his family.

If his family has helped him a lot, even at the expense of their own interests, then he should repay them now. If his family is just morally blackmailing him and he is unable to escape his family's excessive demands because of the bonds of kinship, then you need to help your boyfriend define which of his actions are his responsibilities and obligations as a son and a brother, and which are not.

You don't need to indulge his family. You must fulfill your responsibilities and obligations, and you must not condone indulgent behavior.

Your boyfriend's parents have a strong desire for control, and it's clear that your boyfriend grew up in such a family. He's inevitably a bit weak and blindly follows his parents' authority. This makes him a bit helpless under the mental control of his parents.

If you love each other, you can and should entrust your life to each other. You need to firmly support your boyfriend.

Help him break free from his parents' controlling influence. He needs to learn to distinguish clearly between family ties and his own identity.

You need to help him clarify this boundary.

It is unacceptable for your boyfriend's parents to interfere in his marital problems. Every individual has the right to autonomy and freedom of love in marriage, and parents have no place in that.

You need to make your boyfriend firmly oppose his parents' interference in his love life and marriage. He needs to decide his own relationship issues.

Your boyfriend's family (including your boyfriend) have a very poor sense of boundaries with each other. Mom and dad, sister, they all cross the line a lot, and your boyfriend is confused about which are his rights and which are his obligations. He needs to understand where the boundaries between people (family members) are.

The root of some of your boyfriend's unbelievable behavior lies here. He doesn't know whether it is reasonable for his family to interfere in his marriage, demand half of his salary, and so on.

He didn't want to, but he did it anyway. You know you'll be happy with your boyfriend in the future.

You have to accept this shortcoming of his. Or he can quickly remedy this shortcoming under your guidance.

Otherwise, you will have many clashes of opinion in the future.

You have to deal with his family if you want to be happy with your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend will be able to follow your guidance and make up for his shortcomings because he loves you. His family, however, may not be able to change (or may not even want to).

You must consider how to get along with them. They are influenced by their education, social environment, and other factors, and may have some deeply-rooted concepts.

If you can't figure out a good way to get along with them, your life will be greatly affected by them. You need to think about this very seriously.

The power of love is great. As long as two people truly love each other, you and your boyfriend can face life's problems together.

You will also enjoy the benefits of a beautiful love. I wish you happiness.

Hello, I've read your question and I understand what you're saying about your partner's family and parents. It seems like they have a lot of expectations of you as their daughter-in-law. Your partner seems like a down-to-earth, responsible person, but it seems like you're the one who's supposed to solve all the problems. It's also worrying you that he's under too much pressure.

I can tell you're feeling stressed and confused. You don't want to be tied down by his family background. Your partner is also feeling some pressure, and you feel like your partner doesn't think for himself.

It's only natural that you'll face challenges in a relationship. You've taken the initiative to understand his family of origin, which is a great approach. When choosing a spouse, their family background is a crucial factor. Understanding the other person's family history can also help you empathize with their situation.

But you haven't gotten to the point of meeting the parents yet, have you? I'm going to assume the worst. To put it bluntly and offend a little, it's uncertain how far you two can go. What you're thinking about is a bit too long-term. If you keep focusing on the hidden dangers that will happen in the future, you won't be able to enjoy the present.

It seems like you're describing some conflicts between you and your partner's family. Is that all the information you have? Have you realized that when we get along with each other's families, the man actually plays a key role? He needs to take over the communication between you and coordinate between you and his parents.

If he's set on marrying you, then even if his parents aren't happy with you, what can they do? It's best to ignore his words and promises and focus on his actions.

He seems sincere and responsible, but has he taken any practical steps to move your relationship forward? If there are really disagreements in the future, will he side with you or stand with their parents?

You can talk to him about these issues, try to understand his family's situation, discuss your expectations for the future, including family, career, and financial planning, to see if your values are aligned, and then find a solution. You can tell him that you've noticed he's stressed, and he can also tell you about his confusion. Your support can have a positive impact on him.

I hope you can find the strength to face the challenges together, with understanding and support, and a happy life.

Dear Questioner, I am pleased to have this opportunity to respond to your question. I hope that my input will prove valuable to you.

You are no longer bound by your family of origin, but it is not easy for you to recognize the person you like. You feel uncomfortable when you face the current situation in your boyfriend's family and his obedience to his parents. It is indeed a challenging situation. The help platform can provide a detailed analysis of the situation.

As a graduate student, you are in a superior position to your boyfriend. You are invested in the relationship between the two of you. He is down-to-earth and generous to you. You are looking forward to walking down the aisle with him. You are upset when you find out that he has been going on blind dates with other people, and when your parents criticize you about various things.

His parents have historically exerted control over their subjects in various ways, and it appears that the boyfriend is similarly accustomed to deferring to his parents' authority, whether regarding financial matters or the selection of a partner for their child. This is also a challenging issue. His parents lack an income, which also represents a source of potential security, and they effectively treat their son as a pawn to control their child.

His parents' apparent disapproval of you is also indicative of their personality. They exhibit this behavior with all their girlfriends, displaying a fear of abandonment and a tendency to exert control. Their son is their primary focus, and they tend to be overly involved in his life. When it comes to his girlfriend, they must exercise wisdom.

You also have the right to choose. After all, choice is more important than effort. It is essential to ascertain your boyfriend's feelings on the matter. Otherwise, he will be exhausted both physically and mentally, and will be constantly in conflict. Treating your parents with gratitude is human nature, and you can never surpass their love for you.

It is important to maintain your boundaries. He is grateful to his parents and will treat your parents properly. Everyone is an independent individual, weighing the pros and cons. There is no right or wrong, only trade-offs. It is similar to your mood and your boyfriend's; neither of you have a sense of control. Do you agree?

Your comprehensive conditions are superior to those of your boyfriend, and his parents will also be concerned. After all, children of peasant families are intimately familiar with the challenges of life. Your boyfriend will also evaluate the pros and cons, feel that he is not adequate for you, and have the perception that he will be abandoned. Everyone will prioritize their own interests.

Be courageous and authentic. You are valuable, and your feelings are important. I am confident that you will make the decision that is right for you.

I wish you the best of luck!

Dear Question Asker,

After reviewing your inquiry, I understand the internal conflict you are facing. It would be ideal if only your military partner had to navigate this situation, but there are also his parents, his sister, and his original family. We cannot circumvent these individuals regardless of our efforts. If we were to adopt a more reasonable approach and pursue our desired outcomes, we would simply accept the circumstances. However, there are numerous factors that continue to challenge you. I extend my support and encouragement.

I commend you for finally liberating yourself from the constraints of your family of origin. I am unaware of the specific methods you employed, but I must acknowledge your success.

I appreciate your reluctance to become involved with another troubled family. We have successfully broken free from the constraints of our own families of origin, and reflecting on the past can evoke painful memories. It is understandable that you do not wish to experience that again. This has created a dilemma for you: you do not want to forego the positive aspects of your military partner.

However, you are reluctant to assist the military man's family due to the challenging family background he comes from.

It is important to note that while we embrace the positive aspects of a situation, we must also be prepared to address the challenges that may arise. There is a natural ebb and flow between periods of activity and rest. In this context, it is essential to recognize that as long as there is a military man in your life, there will be his family. This is a fundamental reality that cannot be circumvented. Fortunately, you have the experience of navigating away from your own family of origin, you demonstrate remarkable adaptability, and you actively seek answers through inquiry. I believe that in these two aspects, this is the foundation and motivation for you to thrive in your relationship with your military man.

In light of these considerations, it is reasonable to inquire whether we and the military object will be able to overcome any obstacle in the future. It is also worth noting that the process of finding a partner often involves both families, regardless of the circumstances.

Dating is a matter for two people, but marriage is a matter for two families. It is evident that you are committed to marrying him. Consequently, you will have to interact with his family and your own. It is, however, possible to find a solution to this problem when it arises.

As you have already discovered, when your military partner's mood is not optimal, it prompts a great deal of reflection and comprehensive consideration. We believe that the method previously used to escape one's own original family can be applied to assist the military partner's family.

I believe that as long as you and your military partner have a relatively stable relationship, his family may initially have a variety of opinions, but over time, they should gradually evolve. We should be prepared for this possibility, as you mentioned, being a military wife is challenging, and then having to navigate his difficult family dynamics can further exacerbate the situation. This is a realistic scenario.

Therefore, it places greater demands on our psychological resilience. Let us see if we can meet these challenges. To his parents, we will demonstrate our excellence, leaving them impressed. To his little sister, we will accept her current level of knowledge with an open heart, and then gradually help her to expand her understanding with wisdom.

I believe that the future will present significant challenges. To grow and succeed, we must be prepared to face these challenges head-on. If we allow fear to hold us back, we will be unable to take the necessary steps to succeed.

I recommend that you learn while anticipating and preparing for the future with your military partner. This approach will enable you to face the future with confidence and resilience, regardless of the outcome.

To achieve personal satisfaction, it is essential to engage in collective thinking, learning, and growth. You have the capacity to succeed. The world and I support you!

Hello, my name is Fei Yun, and I'm a heart detective coach. I believe life is a beautiful journey, and it's not just about appreciating it, but also about blossoming.

It's often said that "the outsider sees more clearly than the insider," and I think you've got a great view of the situation from your partner's and his family's perspective. It seems like he's a little "filial piety-obsessed," lacks a strong opinion, and is somewhat "kidnapped" by his parents and younger sister.

It's totally normal to feel a little lost in your relationship with your partner. It's not easy to change someone's personality, and it's also challenging to change how your partner's family thinks. It's natural to have some doubts about the relationship.

?1. "If Only I Knew Before Marriage"

Love is a beautiful thing between two people, but marriage is a wonderful journey that involves two families.

It's only been a few months, but you've already noticed a few things that annoy you. It seems like your partner's personality might make it difficult for you to feel secure and valued in the presence of his parents.

Chinese-style marital relationships can make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law a bit tense. If a man can't psychologically separate himself from his parents and his original family, future family relationships might become a bit chaotic.

"If Only I Knew Before Marriage" is a relationship guide and marriage instruction manual. It's so important to work through any issues before tying the knot, as there's a good chance you'll face similar challenges in your marriage if you don't.

?2. There are more than three solutions to everything!

If you're feeling confident that you can help the person you're helping to recognize some patterns in their behavior, like a tendency to be weak, lack principles, and blindly obey, you can also look at how they interact with their family. Are there unclear boundaries? Do they take on too much responsibility? Do they lack boundaries?

Because seeing is the first step to making a change, be there for him and help him to make changes within his abilities. Relationships between people are formed through interactions.

In other words, his family's behavior is a result of what the object did or didn't do to "help" the family form these patterns: overdependence and emotional blackmail.

We can't wake someone up who's pretending to sleep. The good news is that only they can do that! All they have to do is wake up and become aware.

If you can't change his limitations, that's okay! There's still a way out. You can stop now.

In short, you do have a choice. And while making a choice can sometimes lead to difficulties and even pain, having a choice means having the power to make a choice.

There's also a stage in intimate relationships called the "halo effect" period, which is like the "freshness period" of an intimate relationship, lasting about 6-12 months. After the "halo effect" of mutual love has worn off, if you're still deeply in love, then it's time to make a decision!

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I love you, and so does the world!

If you'd like to keep chatting, you can follow my personal homepage, Heart Exploration Service.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, a psychometrician, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

There's a great saying in psychology: "Six people are lying on a marriage bed." It's a bit of an exaggeration, but it really captures a common social phenomenon: the complex and inseparable relationship between the nuclear family and the original family.

If we want our married life to be happy and smooth, it's essential that both parties are separated from their parents in their original families. And it's not about being thousands of miles apart, it's about having a high degree of internal separation. Some young couples can get along harmoniously even if they live under the same roof as their elders, while some young couples have a hard time even if they live in two different cities from their elders. But that's okay! It just means that you have to work at it.

As the original poster wrote, I like my military boyfriend, but I don't want to deal with his messed-up family.

Let's ask ourselves: What is the ideal boyfriend like? What is the ideal marital relationship like?

And we can ask ourselves: what do we want in a relationship? We can want a down-to-earth guy who is willing to be there for us!

What do we want from a marriage? We want a husband who has a strong sense of responsibility and can shoulder family responsibilities!

And we can also ask ourselves: what do we expect from our future husband, who is in the military, in our future marital relationship? What changes do we hope he will make?

And what about us? What do we want to change about ourselves?

So, it's time to get real with ourselves and ask: What do we really want? What are our boundaries?

What can I do?

We're ready to have a heart-to-heart conversation with our soldier boyfriend! From the moment we met to the present day, we've had the chance to get to know each other and adapt to each other's behavior patterns. We can express our needs honestly, especially when it comes to his family's interference, what we hope he can do, and what we can do for him. We're eager to listen to what the other party expects of us. Because we've learned to love each other, we're excited to establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship!

At the same time, we accept the other person and their family members' behavior patterns, and we don't force them to conform to our ideals and standards. Instead, we influence the other person through our own changes! This is how true growth comes from seeing and facing our own dilemmas.

Adler's theory of dissociation is a great one! It means that each person gets to deal with their own problems. That means both parties in a relationship can listen to the needs and suggestions of each other's parents. The final choice is still ours, which is great!

If this thing bothers you, don't worry! You can seek help. It might take a little time to overcome it, but you can do it! Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. They can help you release your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Affirm yourself and empower yourself! Any change starts from within. Go out into nature, listen to the frogs croaking, smell the birds chirping and the flowers blooming, and feel the beauty of life. Let go of your worries and feel happy! Of course, we must also maintain an ordinary state of mind, because we believe that we always have the right to choose.

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "Know Thyself, Accept Thyself"!

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the School of Fine Distinctions.

From the questioner's description, I can feel the confusion, anxiety, and conflict within the questioner. Marriage is an important intimate relationship for girls. There are so many exciting things to consider! It's not enough for the two of you to have a good emotional foundation—you have to build a great life together!

As I've said before, when it comes to marriage, it's not just about the two of you. It's about both families too! The questioner's boyfriend's job as a soldier has brought some extra pressure and restrictions, and his family background and the actions of his family members have also brought some challenges to the relationship.

Facing such a complicated family situation, the questioner has the exciting opportunity to seriously consider whether the relationship is worth continuing.

Here's a quick analysis for the questioner's reference:

It's time to clarify your needs! It's important to remember that in an intimate relationship, it's essential to meet the needs of both parties. So, what are the questioner's own needs in an intimate relationship? If you're not sure what you want, what kind of intimate relationship you desire, or what your expectations are for this intimate relationship, don't worry! You can always take a closer look.

Everyone has different needs in a relationship. Some people crave bread, others crave acceptance, and others crave support. What are your needs? You can find out by paying careful attention to yourself. And when you know what they are, you can decide whether this intimate relationship is suitable for you!

Family Pressure and Sense of Responsibility: The questioner also gave us a glimpse into the family situation of his partner in the text. The financial situation and family relationships of his partner's family are indeed complicated, which has put a lot of pressure on him.

On the bright side, he may be shouldering more responsibilities as the eldest son. However, this pressure may affect your relationship and life.

If the questioner wants to be with her boyfriend and get married, then she needs to be prepared to help him shoulder similar pressures and responsibilities. This is an amazing opportunity for her to help her boyfriend become a better person! Filial piety is an important part of traditional Chinese culture, but the questioner's boyfriend also needs to think about his future small family.

If the subject is married to him, then the subject can consider setting some boundaries with him, such as the fact that financial support should be limited rather than endless—a great way to keep things fresh and exciting in the relationship!

Communication and trust: The questioner can have an amazing, in-depth conversation with the object to understand his views on these issues and how he wants to solve them. At the same time, express your concerns and expectations to see if you can reach a fantastic consensus!

The questioner made an exciting discovery when he checked his phone. While he was doing so out of concern, it might have damaged the trust between you. In communication, both parties need to be honest and respect each other's privacy.

At the same time, it's important for the questioner to understand his thoughts and feelings and face problems together!

Family expectations and personal expectations: The questioner mentioned in the text that one of his partner's shortcomings is that he is indecisive and easily influenced by his parents. The good news is that the questioner can encourage him to learn to think and make decisions independently, which may take time and patience.

The subject's family has high expectations for his future partner, which is totally understandable! However, these expectations may conflict with your relationship, which is something you can work through together.

The questioner gets to think with him about how to balance family expectations and your expectations for this intimate relationship and your feelings.

Personal growth and choice: When faced with family pressure and expectations, the subject of the question has the exciting opportunity to learn to think independently and make choices. His indecisiveness and silence may make you feel helpless when facing problems, but you can help him to overcome these challenges and become the best version of himself!

The questioner can encourage him to express his thoughts and feelings and work together to find a solution to the problem. At the same time, the questioner can also consider whether this relationship really meets your expectations and the lifestyle you want.

The questioner has already experienced the challenges of their original family. Are they ready to embrace the exciting complexities of another original family?

Future plans and quality of life: It's time to think about whether this relationship is in line with your expectations for your future life. Being a military wife is an amazing opportunity! While the two may need to be separated for many years, it's a chance to grow as an individual and gain valuable life experience. The questioner often gets to raise the children alone, which is a great chance to become a great single parent! And if this is combined with dealing with complex family issues, it may make the questioner's life very exciting!

The questioner needs to assess whether they are willing to bear the pressure of such a life and plan for the future together. Are you both willing and able to work hard for it? Absolutely!

Every relationship is unique, and the questioner has the exciting opportunity to make the most appropriate decision based on their own situation and feelings. The questioner can communicate with their boyfriend to understand each other's thoughts and feelings, and work together to find a solution to the problem. It is important that the questioner and their boyfriend can agree on your goals and are willing to work hard for them.

At the same time, it's also important to think about what you want your future life to look like and whether you're ready for the exciting journey ahead. The final decision should be based on your relationship with your future self and what you want your life to look like.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

You get along well with your military partner and think he's very responsible. However, his family's situation isn't so good. They're of average financial means, have high expectations for their daughter-in-law, and have high expectations for Zhangzi. This makes you very conflicted. You don't want to give up your feelings for him, but you're worried about facing a lot of heartbreaking things in the future.

First, give the original poster a warm hug. I'm Tianyang, a heart exploration coach.

When I was younger, I was pretty simplistic in my thinking. I always thought that everything had a right and wrong, a black and white. As I grew up and gained some experience, I increasingly found that most things are not so clear-cut. There are often pros and cons. It's like the front and back of a coin. You can't guarantee that every time you flip it, it will come down heads. The probability is 50-50. It all depends on how you choose and what your response and attitude towards things is.

The same goes for the issue you're currently facing. There are still some connections, such as your military partner and his family.

You like that he's down-to-earth and responsible, but these traits mean he can't just abandon his family and get rid of the burden of supporting them. If he could, his sense of responsibility wouldn't exist.

The other side of being "down to earth" is that it makes you inflexible and unable to handle relationships easily. So he's stuck between you and his original family. What are your expectations of him, and can he meet them?

I suggest you take a deep breath, get your thoughts together, think about the pros and cons, and what you really want, and then talk to your partner openly and honestly about it. You might find you can work together to find a solution.

Happy New Year!