I long to be loved like crazy, but how can I become a better person?

Good day. I extend my utmost support and encouragement in the form of a 360-degree embrace.

In your inquiry, you indicate a desire for a high level of romantic attachment.

What is the rationale behind the assertion that loving you is crazy? The individual in question checks in with you in the morning and reports back in the evening. He texts you back immediately. He follows you around when you go shopping. He gets jealous when you hang out with your guy friends. You are forced to keep an eye on him all the time.

It would be beneficial to define what is considered "crazy love."

In my estimation, those who are madly in love with someone may be prone to extreme emotional responses that could potentially affect the emotional state of others.

I apologize for the digression. Let us return to the question of how one might become a better person.

In light of the aforementioned issue, what is your recommended course of action for improvement? To illustrate, in terms of psychology, behavior, work, and so forth, what are the characteristics and practices that will enhance your performance?

There is no universal consensus on what constitutes good. Some may consider celebrity-like appearance to be a positive attribute, while others may value cleanliness and tidiness.

Please describe your standards. These standards should be observable and measurable so that you can see the difference, see the progress, and clearly see at a glance whether the goal has been achieved or not.

If the objective is simply to make incremental improvements, this standard is too general. Therefore, it is essential to define what constitutes a meaningful improvement.

It is possible to set standards in a number of different areas of life.

For instance, what position do you aspire to attain in your professional life, and what salary do you expect to earn on a monthly basis?

For instance, if you claim that you lack distinctive characteristics due to an external factor, it would be beneficial to identify the specific characteristics that you do possess. It would also be helpful to break down the requirements and standards that you currently have in place.

It is recommended that you set a scope, minimum, and maximum that you can accept.

A goal provides a path and a method for achieving it.

It would be prudent to consider the importance of accepting oneself unconditionally and embracing one's true identity and individuality.

Additionally, you may wish to consult with a counselor to discuss these issues further.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes depressed, occasionally positive and motivated. I extend my best wishes to the world and to you.

Hello, question asker!

You once spent a lot of thought and energy pursuing a boy, and he rejected you. You neglected your studies in the process, but you were able to get back up after the blow. You tried to be as good as you could, but when you encountered something you were not good at, you felt that you were uncharacteristically uncharacteristic. Is this a correct summary?

You asked, "I really want someone to love me madly." You want someone to love you madly just as you were crazy about them at the time. You want that kind of balance to satisfy you.

In an intimate relationship, both parties are equal, tolerant, and understanding. It's clear that crazy about you is not equal, is excessive, and is tired.

You must treat intimate relationships with the right attitude. You should not compensate for your own losses in this way, as it is unfair to that person. Agree.

I am a person who is now uncharacteristic in some things. That is, apart from appearance, academic achievements, and what I have, I am something different.

What are the things that are uncharacteristic of you?

Ask yourself a few questions and think about it.

First, you need to ask yourself: with everything you have, can you see how these could be an advantage in anything? In other words, you need to decide whether you want to be equipped to deal with anything.

You can do it. It's absolute.

2. If you believe you lack distinguishing features beyond your appearance and academic achievements, define what you consider to be a distinguishing feature. What distinguishing features would you like to have?

You can learn this later. (Self-development)

3. You don't have to play to your strengths in these things. Use your strengths in things that are easier to show. (Goal selection and direction)

I am confident that after thinking about these questions, you will be able to find the answer. I hope this is useful to you. Best wishes!

Dear Questioner, I can see from your experience that you are in a challenging situation. I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. Let's work together to find solutions that will help you move forward and embrace a positive outlook.

Attachment

Attachment can be defined as a special emotional relationship between an infant and its caregiver (usually the mother). It arises from the interaction between the infant and its parents and is an emotional connection and bond.

Consequently, the initial researchers concentrated on how the mutual relationship between mother and child enhances and transforms as the infant develops. Currently, researchers concur that attachment is a crucial aspect of human survival. It not only enhances the infant's chances of survival but also influences the infant's lifelong adaptation and facilitates the infant's development in a manner that enhances survival prospects throughout life.

Ainsworth's Strange Situation Test categorizes infant attachment into three distinct categories.

A secure attachment is one in which the child is able to play with toys comfortably when with their mother and does not always cling to her. When the mother leaves, the child will show distress, but will quickly seek contact with her upon her return, calm down, and resume playing.

The second category is the insecure-avoidant attachment style. This is characterized by a lack of distress when the mother leaves and a tendency to ignore or briefly approach her upon her return. The child may also exhibit evasive behaviors and a lack of differentiation between the comfort of a stranger and that of their mother.

The third category is the insecure attachment, resistant type (insecure-ambivalent). This type of child displays a strong resistance to the mother's departure and seeks contact with her upon her return. However, they also exhibit resistance and even anger, and are unable to resume playing games. It should be noted that some children's behavior does not align with any of the aforementioned three types. These children have experienced abuse and neglect, and as a result, Crittenden (1988) proposed an additional attachment type: the insecure attachment, disorganized type (insecure-disorganized). This type of child displays indifference towards the mother.

You can ascertain your attachment personality type. If you have an insecure attachment personality, you are likely to experience difficulties in relationships characterised by chasing and running away. There are various reasons for developing an insecure attachment personality. In short, we have all experienced various forms of emotional neglect or trauma in childhood. No childhood is without its challenges, and no parent is perfect. We can supplement the emotional energy we lacked in childhood through acquired practices. I recommend you read two books:

The Neglected Child: A Guide to Overcoming Emotional Neglect in Childhood

"Parenting Your Inner Child"

In his book, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm asserts that all attempts at love are futile unless one works to develop their entire personality in a positive manner, fostering a creative personality trait.

It is not possible to receive satisfactory personal love without the ability to love one's neighbor, sincerity, humility, courage, loyalty, and self-control.

[Low self-esteem and low sense of worth]

From your latter description, it seems you may have some self-esteem issues. Despite your efforts to study and your physical appearance, you still feel inadequate. Is this accurate?

If you feel this way, you should develop qualities such as self-confidence and self-responsibility.

The spleen meridian and low self-esteem

Emotional health maintenance in traditional Chinese medicine identifies emotions as stored energy within our meridians. Emotions associated with the spleen meridian, in addition to a lack of self-esteem, also encompass a lack of courage to defend oneself, timidity, weakness, a lack of drive, dependence on others (seeking approval), a lack of security, a feeling of hopelessness, a feeling of not being able to control one's own life, worry, doubt, and fear of the future. These emotions often manifest as negative beliefs, such as "I'm not good," "I'm not strong," "I'm not brave enough," "I'm not worthy," "I don't deserve this reward," and "I can't do it."

Those with this belief tend to act like pawns in the situation, seeking constant reassurance of their self-doubts while also undermining their own potential.

This situation can manifest in various ways. To compensate for these inferiority complexes, individuals may engage in behaviors that are perceived as excessive, such as working twice as hard as their colleagues to prove their worth.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a psychological counselor. I hope my response will be helpful to you. Please feel free to ask further questions and engage in self-reflection with me. If you found my answer useful, please indicate so by clicking the "like" button.

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can help you out.

You say that apart from appearance, academic achievements, and material possessions, you feel that you are now uncharacteristic because of something. My feeling is that you are actually very good! Perhaps it is because we attach too much importance to "something" that we feel we are not good enough. But in fact, we are really very good! As the saying goes, "Happiness is not about having a lot, but about caring less."

I've got some great advice for you!

Embrace your imperfections and accept yourself, flaws and all! You are a wonderful person, and your imperfections don't change that.

No matter how good a person is, they will always have shortcomings. But here's the good news! If we can accept our own shortcomings and inadequacies, we can free ourselves from the constant preoccupation with these imperfections. A person who can accept themselves knows that they have shortcomings and flaws, but they don't deny or attack themselves because of this. They don't doubt themselves either! Instead, on the basis of accepting these inadequacies, they see what else they can do to shine!

He's just like Dong Yuhui—a person who knows how to accept himself very well! Others say his eyes are small, but he says everything has cracks, which is where the light comes in. Others say he's ugly, but he says, "You're right." Others say his face is square, but he says it has the temperament of an aristocratic terracotta warrior (which most people don't have yet). If he didn't accept his appearance, he'd definitely be bothered by these comments from others. But he knows that it's difficult for him to change, so he accepts himself at the deepest level. And when he does, he becomes peaceful and sees his own advantages. He has accumulated a lot and read a lot, and finally exudes his own unique charm and brilliance!

You and I are the same! We all have our own imperfections, but try to accept your own imperfections, and it will make you a wonderful person!

2. Long for someone to love you like crazy, then love yourself like crazy!

You said that you once pursued a cold person, and he rejected you. In fact, you also wondered if you should continue to pursue him like a fool. Of course, you now know that you are delusional, and you don't want to get someone who doesn't want to warm you. But you're learning! We often give up the right to control our emotions and love ourselves to others, but we are often frustrated, sad, and in pain as a result.

Absolutely! When we go to a beggar and ask for gold, even if he wants to give it to you, there's no way he can because he doesn't have it. A cold person has no way to give warmth, so how can we get warmth from him? This is the same principle. We need love, and that's great! But we need to find the right person to ask for this love. Clearly, the person you're asking is not the right one, right?

There's a fascinating law in psychology that says when we're missing something inside, we'll go looking for it outside. It's a great reminder that when we're hoping someone outside can love us like crazy, it's because we love ourselves just a little bit too little.

And you know that it is really hard to find someone outside who can love you like crazy, so we still need to look within and learn to love ourselves fiercely. And when you love yourself enough and accept yourself enough, you will find that your inner world will become more and more harmonious, your heart will become full, and you will no longer feel so unloved. It's an amazing feeling!

At this time, you can choose to feel the love that people outside of you have for you. You will feel happy and know that everything will get better and better!

3. How do you love yourself?

To love yourself is to accept yourself unconditionally, take care of your feelings and needs, learn to take care of your emotions, release them in time, and learn to care for and approve of yourself. It's an amazing journey of self-discovery!

The great news is that each of these is challenging and requires constant practice. This is how we gradually change our own patterns and turn negativity into positivity!

Unconditionally accepting yourself is like the sun shining on the earth—it's a beautiful, life-giving force that nourishes everything it touches! You can refer to the exercises in "Accepting an Imperfect Self" and "Rebuilding Your Life" to improve your level of self-acceptance.

Taking care of your own needs and feelings is an amazing way to express your true thoughts! You can use the method of non-violent communication to objectively express your needs and feelings and make specific requests without judging or blaming the other person. This will make your heart feel lighter and will not damage your relationship!

It's time to learn how to take care of your emotions and release them in a timely manner! You can chat with close family members or friends to vent your worries and sorrows. You can develop the habit of keeping an emotional diary and write down your feelings every day. You can go to your favorite sport to release your stress and anger. You can also go for a walk in nature, watching the mountains and rivers, watching the clouds roll by, feeling emotionally relaxed, and feeling the healing power of nature!

It's time to learn to care for yourself and approve of yourself! Treat yourself as you would a good friend and don't blame yourself for the slightest mistake. Be more understanding and tolerant of yourself instead!

Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses. When you achieve success, don't take it for granted! Celebrate it, recognize your value, and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. Repeat "I approve of myself" three or four hundred times a day, internalize it, and let it become a part of you. This will gradually build up our inner strength!

I'm so excited to share this with you! It's just a suggestion, but I think you'll love it. Best wishes!

Dear question asker,

From your inquiry, it is evident that you have experienced a rejection from another individual, which has resulted in feelings of sadness, distress, and even physical discomfort. You express a longing for a profound and unwavering love, a deep comprehension of your emotions, and a remote physical contact in the form of a hug.

From your description, it appears that you have pursued a romantic interest who does not reciprocate your feelings. Despite your efforts, this individual seems unmoved. Have you considered the possibility that he may not be an expressive lover, or that he does not meet your standards for a partner? It is also possible that you are seeking to enhance your self-worth through this pursuit, and you may feel a sense of inferiority and worthlessness due to your lack of success.

The desire for intense romantic attachment may stem from an underlying deficiency in one's own capacity for love. This deficit may not always be readily apparent, particularly when it is not consciously recognized by the individual. The recognition of this issue, therefore, represents an opportunity for personal growth and transformation.

The following advice is offered as a potential solution to this problem:

[1] It is important to ascertain the reasons behind pursuing a romantic interest who does not reciprocate the feelings. What are the criteria that this person meets, what needs does he or she satisfy, or is it possible that the feelings are merely an imaginative construct, directed towards someone who does not necessarily align with the person in mind?

[2] Identify the underlying motivation behind your desire for intense, unconditional love from others. I, too, have experienced this kind of thought. Everyone desires love and warmth, yet the potential for an all-consuming, irrational love is rare. This kind of love is, in fact, a form of pathological love, as it requires a complete and irrational dedication to another person. Our energy is limited, and everyone has their own life to live. Is the driving force behind your intense desire for love a lack of inner strength or an extreme need for the care of others to achieve it, with the hope of enhancing your self-esteem and sense of security?

[3] If one wishes to improve oneself, it is first necessary to examine one's own thoughts and emotions. While most people desire to become better, improvement can only occur if one is able to recognize and address their own needs. To do so, it is essential to understand the underlying reasons for one's actions and to identify the desires that drive one's thoughts.

One must first identify their needs and then determine the appropriate course of action in any given situation. To do so, one must employ rational and objective thinking, conserve energy, and then gradually enhance their personal growth and well-being.

[4] It is imperative to enhance one's self-confidence. It is a fallacy to believe that one is inadequate for another. It is imperative to enhance one's self-confidence. It is a fallacy to believe that one is inadequate for another.

In any relationship, there is no such thing as someone being undeserving of another's affection. It is inevitable that individuals with disparate perspectives will not see eye to eye. Disagreements are a natural consequence of differing frequencies and worldviews. It is also a common occurrence for individuals to have differing opinions because their cognitive processes, which include thinking, reasoning, and understanding, are influenced by a multitude of factors. To enhance one's self-confidence, it is essential to recognize one's own strengths and acknowledge them more frequently. Additionally, it is crucial to identify one's shortcomings and address them constructively. By leveraging one's strengths and compensating for shortcomings, individuals can foster a positive self-image and become more attractive to others.

Ultimately, regardless of one's circumstances, it is crucial to recognize that in addition to cultivating our intrinsic value, there is also a need to learn how to present ourselves in a way that is appealing, to bolster our self-assurance, to fortify our inner sense of security and spiritual fortitude, to nourish our inner selves, to develop self-love, and then we will be able to love others. If we flourish, opportunities for positive interactions will arise.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information has been both inspiring and helpful. Furthermore, it is my sincere wish that you may soon find yourself released from the distress that has been weighing on you.

Hello! I'm Strawberry!

It's so sad to see the questioner's sadness and heartbreak when they're in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way. We all want to believe in love and want to see each other every day and contact each other, even though we know the other person doesn't like us.

The questioner is brave for facing their feelings for the other person and taking the initiative. It's admirable because most people would either hide it in their hearts or, after being rejected, stay away because their pride has been hurt. Then, they let themselves go, which can lead to regret.

I'm really curious to know why you're not willing to give up.

The questioner mentioned that the other person is a bit cold, and the ability to empathize can sometimes be a bit of a bother. We tend to empathize with the other person's emotions based on their actions or movements. Seeing the other person's cold personality, the questioner may want to use their own strength to warm the other person. The other person's rejection could be seen as a strong defense, or it could be that they haven't seen the questioner's true heart and are unable to open their heart.

It's totally understandable that you're still holding on to this person. We've all been there! You've tried to change and become busy to make yourself better and to move on, but your efforts are not for your own benefit. They're for showing yourself to the other person.

Take a moment to think about it. You don't really know him that well, apart from what you see on the surface. Sometimes what we see is just a mask someone is wearing to protect themselves. When he is willing to let down his guard, he can be happy just the same. It's totally understandable that you want the two of you to be able to warm each other. Since the other person is unwilling to let there be a relationship between you, just respect him.

I can see how much effort you've put in.

In our lives, we may encounter more than one person we like. It's totally normal to feel sad when someone you like doesn't feel the same way. But you know what? You're stronger than that! You've faced your own heart, and you've realized that it's okay to move on. The important thing is to give yourself time to heal. And you'll find that, eventually, the other person will slowly get out of your heart. But don't worry, something better will come along!

It's totally okay to like someone, and it's also totally okay if they don't feel the same way. Just because you like someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. When you know that the other person doesn't have a place in your heart, seeing them happy is also a kind of liking. Wish them well silently, and then remind yourself that it's time to wake up from that beautiful fantasy.

It's totally normal to go through changes in appearance, academic achievements, etc. The questioner has changed a lot, but it's important to remember that we can't always control how others see us. Sometimes, we might feel like our changes are being ignored, and we even lose motivation to keep becoming the best version of ourselves.

It's so important to remember that just because someone rejected you, it doesn't mean you're not good enough. You've made so many positive changes, and you should be proud of yourself for that! The other person's rejection is just their own decision, and it doesn't reflect on you.

Take care of yourself and move on.

When that secret fondness of ours is rejected after being discovered, it can feel like a belief has been shattered, leaving us suddenly at a loss for the way forward. Give yourself some time, and slowly everything will pass. For now, it's important to face the life in front of you with a smile on your face!

1. Confide: Find someone you trust to listen to you, cry if you need to, and let it all out. It's okay to feel sad, but remember that everything will pass.

2. Be yourself: Everyone has their own strengths. Try to look at yourself, find more of your strengths, and become confident in yourself, rather than denying yourself. When we play to our strengths, we will radiate an invisible light that attracts others to us. "You are the answer" is recommended to the questioner: believe in yourself, just be yourself, rather than making it difficult for yourself to become the best version of yourself, because that doesn't necessarily make you feel happy.

I really hope my answer helps the original poster. I wish you the best of luck!