I often take a long time to understand why I am angry, what should I do?

Hello! I'm thrilled to answer your question and I hope that my sharing will be of great help to you.

It's totally normal for people to have a hard time understanding what they really need. We all have these deep-seated desires for attention or respect, and sometimes we act out in ways that seem "inappropriate" to others. But here's the good news: once we can recognize these needs, we can start using our amazing powers of reason and creativity to deal with them in positive ways. We can say things like, "Please respect my choice," "I need you," or "I need your care." These are powerful tools that can help us connect with others in a healthy, constructive way.

Guess what! The brain doesn't fully develop until the age of 25. That means we need guidance from our parents or other people before then.

If our environment doesn't guide us in this way, we can absolutely practice on our own to acquire this skill!

This skill is all about consistency! When you're consistent in your behavior, you're full of vitality, confidence, love, responsibility, and acceptance of others. When you're consistent in your language, you're respectful of yourself, others, and the situation. You're emotionally calm and peaceful!

Before our brains mature, we experience a range of intense emotions that can leave us feeling aggrieved, angry or sad. When certain situations arise, these emotions can resurface. But, we can choose to view them as reminders from our younger selves, urging us to love, remember and satisfy our needs.

Absolutely! We absolutely can't go against the most basic human needs.

If the questioner has noticed this now, that's fantastic! Now go and meet your needs. Tell yourself:

"Dear (your name), I'm all grown up now, and it's time to take control of my life! I can clearly express my needs, I can tell the other person what I value, I can invite the other person to respect my needs, no matter how they respond, I have the right to express my true thoughts, true feelings, and true requests... I'm worth it, and I know I can do it!"

Seeing is the beginning of change! All we need to do is add a few simple strategies to make ourselves more flexible. And we don't need to completely change ourselves, do we?

That's all I wanted to share! Wishing you all the best, my friend. I love you!

Good morning,

All individuals possess seven primary emotions and six fundamental desires. This raises the question: What is the source of our human emotion of anger? Experts posit that anger stems from discrepancies between our expectations and the words and actions of others.

Such behavior is contrary to our usual standards of conduct and internal moral standards, resulting in a sense of disrespect.

When an individual behaves in a manner that contravenes our expectations and we are unable to address the matter promptly or persuade the other party to accept our viewpoint, we tend to internalise the situation and the associated feelings of anger. This anger can persist for an extended period.

You will find yourself repeatedly dwelling on the situation for an extended period. This will be a significant drain on your resources and may cause you considerable distress.

It took a considerable amount of time to determine the root cause of your frustration. This process involved reflection and self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the first step towards change. You are still a valuable asset to the company.

Let's examine the ABC theory of cognitive psychology together. The first step is to identify the triggering event.

B is the evaluation and perception of the triggering event. C is the resulting emotional and behavioral consequences.

It is commonly accepted that A leads to C. However, Ellis's theory suggests that it is B's interpretation of the triggering event, rather than the event itself, that causes the subsequent emotional and behavioural responses observed in C.

In the example you provided, the maid of honor was observed to be sitting and playing with her phone, displaying signs of impatience throughout the wedding proceedings. Her demeanor suggests the presence of an unusual emotional state, which may not necessarily be caused by you.

If you have this perception, for example, that because it is your wedding, she is unable to express her emotions, then she is suppressing her emotions. When she is emotional, you ask her to do things, and she may be distracted, unwilling to act, and unhappy in her words.

Once you have identified the root cause of her upset, you will be better equipped to manage your own emotions. For instance, if you believe that your friend is merely expressing her frustration at a social event, you will not become angry. However, if you perceive her behaviour as disrespectful and inconsiderate towards her friends, you may still feel annoyed.

Furthermore, there is a friend of your husband's who has a girlfriend but brings other women to parties and the two of them act intimately. You are strongly opposed to your husband's contact with this person. Your thinking is that if he is so fickle and promiscuous, it will eventually affect your husband and lead him astray.

Therefore, you will resist your husband's contact with this person. If your assumption is that your husband will not be influenced by him because he is a man of integrity,

Your husband is simply maintaining a platonic relationship with this individual, and you have the best understanding of your husband's character. Given these circumstances, it is unlikely that you would be angry.

It is evident that our thoughts, judgments, and perceptions are the root cause of our anger.

How can we alleviate this emotion? We can consider it from multiple perspectives.

To illustrate, let us return to the initial scenario. We are experiencing a negative emotion, which we believe is a result of an idea we have formed. Is there any truth to this idea?

It can be verified at the time or afterwards. If it is just an idea in our head, it will soon be dismissed.

Our thoughts will no longer be consumed by anger.

If you require a deeper understanding of yourself, you may wish to engage the services of a heart exploration coach to accompany you on your self-exploration journey. If you have an interest in psychology, I would suggest the book 'Cognitive Psychology'.

Let's embark on a joint learning journey in psychology and foster mutual growth.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you. I would also like to encourage you to embrace and value yourself.

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

I'm glad you've asked for help. I hope my input can support you and give you a hand. I also want to commend you for being able to perceive your anger and emotional state better when dealing with family and others, and for choosing to come here for help.

Once you realize that it takes time to become more aware of your emotional state, you're already on your way to making a change. Awareness is the first step to making a change.

This is something that takes a long time to work on. Our patterns in relationships and how we respond are hard-wired. They've been built up over time as we've grown.

So you should be grateful that you've seen how some inappropriate emotional states can harm you, your close family, and your relationships. In other words, you're now in a position to reflect on your emotional state. To become aware of your emotional state and your behavior in a timely and proactive manner, we need to constantly learn and grow. And understanding oneself is a lifelong task for everyone. When we can become aware of our subconscious and make it conscious, we'll be able to follow our hearts, be true to ourselves, and present a harmonious state.

You might want to try keeping an emotional diary to help you understand your feelings better. It can also be helpful to take deep breaths when you're feeling emotional to help you calm down and think clearly.

I suggest you read The Seven Emotions We Are Born With and Emotional First Aid.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.