I think it's important to have a solid financial foundation for marriage, but what about vanity and love?

Hello!

I agree with you.

Outsiders seem righteous, while insiders have reasons to be condemned.

Let's talk about your parents' comments.

Your parents are out of touch. Times are changing, and so are jobs. But the elderly often struggle to keep up. They feel stuck if they stay in the same place. But staying still is scarier than falling behind.

You may feel there's a generation gap in communication with your parents. I think you can ignore such comments as long as basic morality and civilization are maintained. They're meaningless except for their negative impact.

And marriage: "suitable partners" is not feudal or superstitious. It just means partners with similar interests or values. You're right to consider this, especially if you want to work in the system.

This is called environmental influence. Imagine if nine people talked about clothes and only one talked about food.

You have to decide whether to leave or fit in. Your parents and fiancé may not think you're necessary and try to keep you away.

This is unfair. Outsiders and insiders.

My advice is:

There's nothing wrong with marriage, but big data shows that it can lead to big changes. For example, financial problems can become major issues.

My calculation is that the probability is high.

There's no one answer to a situation. The previous one was negative, but you can handle problems brought about by four aspects: work, the other party's family, your own parents, and yourself. I think the probability is low.

This is just a reference.

The influence of reality

In the contemporary era, the economy has become a dominant force, and material possessions are widely regarded as a crucial aspect of life. The ostentatious display of wealth by colleagues and the adoption of mannerisms and speech patterns reminiscent of the Versailles era both implicitly and explicitly convey the superiority of material things and the strong value position of the economy.

The pursuit of success is often perceived to be primarily about financial gain, and material possessions are often considered the path to achieving this goal. It is evident that many individuals aspire to a comfortable and well-off life, and this seems to be a widely accepted reality.

There are numerous factors that are of significance.

The issue is that there are numerous factors that extend beyond material wealth. Individuals must consider a multitude of elements, and when they do so, they realize that no single aspect is inconsequential. When selecting a marriage partner, for instance, it is essential to consider not only material wealth but also character.

One might also consider the role of personality and health in the formation of a marriage partnership.

One might inquire as to the importance of love.

.

It would be interesting to ascertain whether there are any factors that are not considered important.

These are the things that are taken for granted, yet they are fundamental to our existence. People often prioritize immediate concerns, such as securing food, while neglecting the underlying resources that sustain them. The pursuit of immediate gratification, such as the consumption of fish or bear's paw, is often seen as a necessity, yet it is only a means to an end. The essential sustenance of rice, on the other hand, is often overlooked. It is only when one is no longer hungry that the importance of rice is fully appreciated.

What is your understanding of the nature of marriage?

The act of eating can be understood as a two-fold process. Initially, it is driven by the physiological need for sustenance, which is essential for maintaining health and survival. Subsequently, it becomes a matter of personal preference, with individuals seeking to satisfy their taste buds and exercise their right to be picky. In a context where food and drink are not a source of concern and individuals are free to indulge their preferences, there is no inherent problem. However, many people have experienced the contrast of enjoying a highly regarded, exquisite, and luxurious Western meal, and then having a meal that is less refined. This phenomenon is not a mistake but a matter of personal choice and suitability.

It can be argued that some marriages are based on economic or power reasons, but for the majority of people, it is a union of emotions and a partner for life. It could be proposed that it is not a question of whether economics is important, nor is vanity, love, or comparison a disadvantage, let alone the idea that autonomous choice is rubbish. Rather, it would be more beneficial to consider what marriage means to you and your partner.

What is the most fundamental reason for the union?

You are entitled to make your own decision.

It is evident that your family adheres to traditional values and is morally upright, and your parents are not worldly or elitist. Nevertheless, your self-deprecating definition and vague sense of unease and guilt also indicate your benevolence and positive energy. It appears as though your parents are implying that vanity and comparisons of love cannot influence your decision, and that his financial difficulties are not a justification for coercion. You are therefore able to consider all factors and make an informed decision based on your own values, as this is your life.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness in this decision.

Dear questioner, I am Goodbye, Falling in Love, and I am grateful to have the opportunity to offer my assistance. From your message, I understand that you are facing a challenging situation. It seems that your colleagues at work tend to prioritize material things and engage in comparisons, which has led you to feel uncertain about the prospect of marrying your boyfriend from a less affluent background.

Given that all of your colleagues have married well, you feel somewhat uneasy when you consider marrying someone who is not as well-off as you would like. You are also concerned about the criticism you have received from your family. Let's discuss your confusion together.

I wonder if it might be helpful to consider whether a solid financial foundation is an important aspect of marriage.

When considering marriage, it may be helpful to reflect on the importance of an economic foundation. While there are many factors to consider, the economic foundation can play a significant role in shaping the future of a marriage.

While a solid financial foundation is not a prerequisite for a happy marriage, it can certainly contribute to marital happiness. In a poor family, every little thing can cause trouble, and in a family with financial pressure, it is more likely for couples to have friction or conflicts.

It is therefore not hurtful to talk about money in a relationship, and there is no shame in discussing financial matters.

Perhaps it would be wise to consider whether it would be beneficial to end the relationship due to your partner's financial situation.

As we mentioned above, the economic foundation is important for marriage and family. This raises the question of whether, if the other person's financial situation is not good, it would be advisable to reconsider the relationship. There is no standard answer to this question. Everyone's needs are different, and so are their choices.

Take some time to reflect on your needs for marriage. Rank them in order of importance and identify the most essential ones. It might also be helpful to review what your original intentions were when you chose to be with your boyfriend. Consider which of your needs he currently satisfies and whether he has the ability to satisfy your core needs in the future.

It might be helpful to listen to your inner voice first, and then make a choice. It's not too late to do that. You might find it useful to give yourself some time to sort out your thoughts.

Could it be that I feel a bit out of balance because my colleagues are all married to people who seem to have found more suitable partners than I have?

You have a good job and family situation, and you see that all your colleagues are married well, which can make you feel a bit out of balance. This unbalance may stem from the fact that your boyfriend's family is not as well-off as you would like, and may not be able to provide you with a good material situation in the future.

In terms of material conditions, we really can't compare with them. However, whether a marriage is good or not, and whether you are happy or not, can't be simply measured by material conditions, could it? It's possible that the reason we feel inferior to others is often because we only see the other person's strengths and our own weaknesses, and we can't see the other person's weaknesses and our own strengths.

Perhaps the question of whether a woman marries well is not determined by comparison with others, but rather by whether the marriage nourishes, grows, and fulfills her. From this perspective, you may have a different view.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you. Wishing you well.

Hello, I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Happiness is like drinking water: everyone knows best whether it's cold or hot. I recently watched the movie "Swapped Lives." Everyone in the movie has a different life. Some are rich, but their families don't care about them; some are poor and have low self-esteem, but their families are warm and loving.

It's human nature to compare ourselves to others. An 18-year-old boy with no money envies a 30-year-old man with money, while the 30-year-old man envies the 18-year-old boy's warm and loving family. Everyone has their own desires and needs, but in reality, it is difficult to make our lives perfect. Just as there is no perfect person, everyone's life will also have some deficiencies. And as long as we compare, we will feel inferior. When we compare, we tend to see the good parts of each other and compare these advantages with our own shortcomings. The more we compare, the more inferior we will feel.

There's a saying that the happy person isn't the one with the most, but the one who appreciates what they have. We should focus on what we have now, not what we don't. Also, we can only control our own feelings and thoughts, not other people's lives.

So, we need to focus on ourselves and ask ourselves what kind of marriage we want and what we value most in our partner.

What are your most important needs that you hope he can satisfy? These are the key factors that will ensure your relationship is stable and long-lasting.

I've also included some additional thoughts for your reference:

An economic foundation is important, but the current economic situation doesn't necessarily predict future conditions. We need to see potential in each other, and economic factors shouldn't be the only thing we consider when evaluating someone.

From what I've seen, many couples don't have great financial situations when they get married. But after marriage, they work together through mutual cooperation to make their lives better and better. In fact, the current poor economic situation doesn't mean that the economic conditions will be bad in the future. We all have development potential and we are all capable of making our lives better and better.

Using current economic conditions as the only way to measure someone is not very objective, right? Look at Dong Yuhui. Before June last year, he was paid very little. Who would have thought he'd be so popular and valuable now?

When my husband and I got married, we didn't have a house or a car. Even taking a taxi felt too expensive, so we often took the bus or even walked, just to save a few dollars. But now, 11 years later, thanks to our hard work, we've achieved financial freedom.

When I first got married, a lot of people told me to get a divorce because my husband didn't make much money. But I valued his hard work, ambition, and sense of responsibility. I also believed that we could work together to create a good life that is rich in material and spiritual wealth. And now, all of this has really come true. Along the way, we have supported each other and worked hard together, which has made our relationship even stronger and made us love each other more.

2. By comparing, you can see what you need and want, and whether you can meet these needs in a way that works for you.

As I mentioned earlier, when we compare ourselves to others, we tend to focus on our weaknesses while overlooking their strengths. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy as we see ourselves in a less favorable light. The best approach is to let go of these comparisons and recognize that everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Her positive qualities don't diminish our own, and her happiness doesn't negate our own happiness.

In fact, when we compare and contrast, we can take a good look at ourselves and see what we really want and need.

If you're envious of others, it's a sign that you're driven by an inner desire for financial security. If you're willing to marry someone with good financial conditions, it's a clear indication that you value financial stability. There's nothing wrong with this. It's perfectly fine to prioritize financial security. If you truly believe it's important, you should work towards achieving it in a reasonable way. You can find someone with good financial conditions and work with them to improve your financial situation. This is not a bad thing, but it's also important to recognize that financial conditions are just one aspect of a happy marriage. To truly have a happy marriage, you also need to learn to manage and maintain a close relationship.

3. Learn to differentiate between issues, choose your own marriage, and also accept the consequences of your choice.

We all have different values and ideas, but no one can take the place of ourselves in our own lives. Adler believes that we should all take responsibility for our own lives. When we face challenges in life, we need to be willing to make our own choices and accept the consequences of those choices.

You don't need to worry about what your colleagues think, and you should mainly listen to your parents' advice. Ultimately, you need to decide who you want to marry, when you want to marry, and who you want to marry. You can marry your current boyfriend, and then you need to work with him to improve the family's financial situation, but you can also enjoy the happiness and sense of accomplishment of working hard together. You can also choose to break up with him and marry someone else who you feel is more suitable. Of course, you also need to consider the consequences, which is that you will have to wait a few years before you can get married, and you will also need to cultivate a relationship with another person, and you will need to consider the risks involved. You can also wait a few more years and marry your boyfriend again, wait for his financial situation to improve, or see if you are still suitable for each other.

Ultimately, who you marry is your own personal decision. You don't need to worry about other people's problems, but you also need to take responsibility for your own issues, make choices that you're comfortable with, and accept the consequences of those choices. This is the start of our journey towards independence.

Just wanted to share this with you for reference. Wishing you all the best!

The question is good.

I'm Kelly Shui.

What about you? You'd like a healthy family atmosphere and more open-minded parents.

It seems like you're confused about:

Do you think the economic foundation of marriage is important?

This shows you're thinking about it. Marriage is never a dreamlike castle of love, and no matter how romantic it seems, it can't hide the reality of the storms.

If we look at marriage through the lens of love, we can truly grasp its meaning and hold on to the happiness it brings.

We can ask ourselves, "Stay true to your original goals, and you'll succeed."

1. He's wealthy, but he's very busy, or perhaps he's not the one you love.

So, who do you love and who loves you back? Let's say there's a rich guy who's in a rush to get married but doesn't talk about love, and a guy who's willing to be devoted and loyal to you.

You can ask yourself which one you'd choose.

2: Many people around us think that love is a romantic collision of souls. If a person's understanding of love is only about appearance and material things, it's too shallow. They haven't truly understood the meaning of marriage.

If we look at our parents or some people who are happily married, we'll see that those who aren't attracted to love based on appearance or material things are the ones who stay together unswervingly.

In a relationship, it's important to make a firm decision to marry and to have constant admiration for your partner. This helps to maintain love and a happy marriage.

3: Osho said in "Women and Marriage": "When two people truly love each other, they help each other grow, they gain insight into each other, they become each other's mirror, they reflect each other, and they help and support each other."

A solid, intimate relationship can make people really happy in marriage. It's all about mutual understanding, support, and appreciation.

You'll also get to know yourself better as you grow together.

Be the best you can be, both as a person and a lover.

Marriage is like a pair of shoes – you know best whether they fit or not. So ask yourself, why did you fall in love with your boyfriend?

What should I do if I'm in a vain love?

Psychologists also say that when we feel superior to others and have an advantage over them, we tend to feel happier.

The more technical term is social comparison psychology, which is a cognitive bias that refers to people comparing themselves to those around them who are stronger and smarter, and feeling resentment and hostility.

This bias is actually reflected in everyday language, with phrases like "not being able to stand seeing others do well" and "the psychology of hating the rich."

You're aware of the issue of comparison, which is great.

We all get different messages, and we have to be OK with that. Give it some thought, and you'll see that comparisons are pretty pointless.

And you can become more certain of your own needs.

I think this is a worthwhile way of thinking, and it is also possible to think positively.

But if our happiness depends on comparison, then when we fall short of others, we can easily become unhappy.

We all do it: compare jobs, compare clothes, compare houses and cars, compare appearances, compare whether your children are smart.

On the other hand, when we're always comparing ourselves to others, we might also start to doubt ourselves.

It seems that more and more make up for happiness, but there's also more and more negativity.

For instance, you don't like to compare yourself to others because your parents didn't do that.

By example and teaching, you'll learn to choose your own love. The issue is that before, your family situation was much better than your boyfriend's, so you didn't have this kind of comparison mentality.

So this part is your true self, your original self.

Also, focus on your strengths, be proud of yourself, and don't compare your life and happiness to others.

What's most important is that this kind of psychological comparison uses up a lot of mental energy and can also make us see ourselves in a worse light.

You're wise and you trust your own choices.

We're all individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses. Not everything needs to be changed. For instance, a little vanity can help us achieve our goals.

Let's focus on our own strengths.

The key to measuring a person's value is how well you can leverage their strengths, not how much you can overcome their shortcomings.

Wishing you the best!

From your expression, we can infer two key areas for discussion: how to overcome feelings of jealousy and an imbalance in our mental state, and how to navigate the line between reality and vanity. It would be beneficial to place particular emphasis on the latter.

1. How might one approach the challenges of jealousy and an unbalanced state of mind?

It is part of human nature to experience feelings of jealousy and imbalance from time to time. Just as children crave the attention and love of their parents, we all have an inherent desire for recognition and acceptance. When these needs are not met, it can lead to feelings of discontent and unease.

It is possible that feelings of jealousy and imbalance may result in feelings of anxiety and a sense of loss of face in front of others. This could be akin to the experience of missing a friend's birthday celebration or repeatedly offering excuses when invited.

As the saying goes, you can only gain something if you give something up. It is possible that jealousy and imbalance may make people lose their rational thinking to a certain extent.

How might we approach the challenge of jealousy and imbalance? It may be helpful to recognize that these are normal emotions. If we are aware of these emotions and can find ways to restrain them, we may be better able to navigate them.

On the other hand, if a person is unable to recognize and control their emotions, it can lead to more serious consequences. Therefore, in order to have a happy life, it is important to learn to regulate one's thoughts and emotions.

How might we thoughtfully navigate the relationship between reality and vanity?

I feel that our society is becoming increasingly focused on comparison.

In today's world, there is a tendency to engage in behaviors that are driven by a desire to demonstrate superiority over others, particularly in the context of academic competition. While this can lead to feelings of vanity, it's important to recognize that vanity, in and of itself, is not inherently negative.

How might we best manage this state of mind in our daily lives?

(1) Gain a correct understanding of reality and vanity.

In life, it is important to recognize our social status and social value. It is not necessarily the case that we are great just because we are better than others. There is a possibility that this is just an illusion.

It would be beneficial to understand that if we want to stand out among our classmates or show ourselves to our leaders, it is important to recognize the role that both reality and vanity play in our lives. Both are valuable, and learning to navigate them effectively can be a valuable skill.

First and foremost, it is crucial to have a well-informed understanding of one's own social value. This will enable individuals to stand out and make a positive impression in the face of competition.

This may also result in a tendency to compare oneself to others.

It would be beneficial for us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, our purpose in life, and the best ways to navigate our actions.

(2) Vanity is a normal psychological phenomenon for everyone.

I would like to clarify that I am not suggesting that we should not show others our strengths, or that we should not acknowledge our weaknesses. What I am saying is that it is important for us to learn to understand ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses, and to perceive ourselves correctly.

At the same time, when we encounter some unfortunate phenomena, it might be helpful to consider whether they evoke a negative emotional response or have an impact on us in some way.

Of course, there are times when we may choose to hide or pretend to be low-key, but it is still beneficial to maintain our true selves.

I would like to take a moment to remind you that a gentleman makes good use of things.

(3) The potential drawbacks of vanity

Perhaps the most important thing is to maintain a positive outlook and avoid feeling too overwhelmed.

The second point is to try to control ourselves and not let ourselves get too stressed, so that we can better grasp reality and vanity.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is to trust our own thoughts and feelings.

While vanity is not inherently negative, it is important to recognize that excessive pursuit of it may not align with our personal values.

(4) How might we view this phenomenon?

It is my hope that we can all learn to handle reality and vanity in a way that is respectful and mindful of the fact that not everyone is interested in this phenomenon.

(5) How might we best navigate the interplay between reality and vanity?

First, it would be helpful to understand that reality and vanity are not necessarily opposites, but rather can complement and influence each other.

For instance, when vanity is at play, we may find ourselves behaving in a "high profile" manner to showcase our achievements. In the process of vanity taking over, we may already have developed a sense of vanity, which could lead to some confusion.

If I might offer another example, when vanity takes over, a sense of comparison may arise. If we don't recognize this correctly, it could potentially lead to a phenomenon of comparison.

It might be helpful to consider that competition itself does not always produce the desired benefits. In some cases, it can even create a vicious cycle.

In short, I hope that you can clarify your own pursuit of happiness as soon as possible on the basis of understanding the above information, and that you may be able to reap the rewards of an ideal life!

That's a great question!

After a thorough examination of the issues raised by the original poster, it is evident that the topic of marriage is a sensitive one that cannot be ignored.

Everyone has their own views on marriage and values, and there is no simple or clear standard answer.

Here is my analysis and advice:

A financial foundation is necessary.

The title character is right: if you want to get married, you need an economic foundation.

There is no doubt that an economic foundation is crucial for marriage. The principle of "the economic foundation determines the superstructure" is irrefutably true in the context of marriage.

You can only live well, be happy, and make your marriage last with a solid financial foundation.

There is no doubt that "poverty and hardship make a couple miserable."

When financial conditions are good, there are more choices, the mood is more stable, life is easier, and the couple can avoid hurting each other's feelings over household matters.

[The role of emotions cannot be ignored.]

A solid economic foundation is important for marriage, but it is not a guarantee.

A happy family comes from a harmonious married life and affection and love.

A solid economic foundation and deep feelings are the two necessary factors for a happy marriage—neither is dispensable.

The questioner must acknowledge the role of emotions. Mutual affection deepens on the basis of understanding, respect, and tolerance—this is one of the most important guarantees of married life.

[Comparison psychology creates a gap]

The questioner is correct in noting that they feel uneasy when they see colleagues in similar or even worse situations than them getting married and doing better than them. They also correctly identify that they feel anxious and compare themselves when they see others getting married or doing similar things.

There will always be a psychological gap as long as there is a comparison, whether it is between oneself and others or between the current situation and the ideal situation.

The reverse gap in oneself creates the questioner's anxiety and frustrating psychological experience, which in turn generates a cognitive tendency of self-doubt.

I have a few suggestions for the questioner.

First, the questioner should consider the economic foundation and emotional cultivation together, as previously analyzed.

The second is objective cognitive comparison psychology. As the questioner compares above, it is clear that the comparison is made without considering many internal and external factors and other variables.

You are only comparing your own weaknesses and disadvantages with the other person's brilliance and beauty. This makes you see only the part of the other person that they want you to see or hear. This kind of comparison is unreasonable.

Third, the main concern of the question is the cognitive tendency to doubt oneself. You must avoid negative behaviors in a timely manner, such as psychological retreat in the form of self-abandonment or inaction.

You must actively adjust your mentality and narrow the reverse psychological gap through the psychological compensation of "accepting gains calmly and losing them with equanimity; striving for the inevitable and letting go of the natural" to gradually eliminate the psychological experience of defeat.

I am confident that the above will be of some help to you.

I wish you the best!

Hello, girl. I see the confusion you're facing, and I'm here to help.

You are experiencing some behavioral problems. I'm going to give you another warm hug.

Your vanity may be a result of your upbringing.

I want to know how your relationship with your parents was when you were a child.

If your parents didn't pay enough attention to you when you were a child, you will crave attention as an adult. This is how you make up for the part of you that was missing when you were young.

Parents are first-time parents with their own limitations. They have to support their families and may face heavy financial pressure. It is inevitable that they cannot give us a perfect education and life, but they have done their best.

You need to fill the emptiness in your heart.

Bi Shumin said, "Life itself has no meaning. You must give it meaning to live actively."

And to give meaning is to focus one's attention on pursuing what one likes. I prefer sports because I can reap the pleasure brought on by endorphins and dopamine. I also prefer writing and answering questions because I can feel the "flow."

You are vain and love to compare yourself to others. This is also due to the psychology of "herd mentality."

It's just that everyone else does it, so you will do it too.

I used to be just like you: a vain person who liked to compare.

I soon saw that this way of life was exhausting.

The fact is, comparing people makes people angry.

You have a house, then you want a duplex, then a villa. You have a small car, then you want a big car, then a sporty MPV.

This will result in an endless whirlpool of comparison with others.

Then, you will never be satisfied.

Often, it is because we are inferior and feel that we are not good enough that we compare ourselves to others. This is wrong.

There is no unified standard for this set of good standards.

In fact, in the past two years of studying psychology, I have learned that looking inward is better than looking outward.

We often blind ourselves because we look outside for answers. We fail to see our own merits and good qualities.

When you see your own strengths and bright spots, you won't blindly compare yourself to the herd outside and follow a so-called standard.

I am confident that you will resolve the problem you are facing soon.

That's all I have to say.

I am the answer, and I study hard every day. I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, girl.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

People compare themselves to others. They feel inadequate when they compare themselves to the best, but feel better when they compare themselves to the worst. Most people think everyone around them earns over 10,000 yuan a month or comes from families that own cars and houses. But the people who own cars and houses, don't have any debt, and earn over 10,000 yuan a month are often at the top. Society amplifies these people and publicizes their deeds.

It seems like everyone around you is rich, but most people are not. Many people with houses and cars are actually struggling with debt. This can lead to a very depressing environment for the next 30 or 20 years.

The quality of life is poor, with worries and tight budgets. It is normal to think that money is important in marriage and to be vain and compare.

People at the top of the pyramid may be the few million people who do not reach 10 million. They will make themselves unhappy and unjoyful. They will miss out on love.

If you want to choose a husband who matches your values from among 10 million people, it's hard. Most people just find someone okay. The other person may have a mortgage or car loan. If there's no love, the relationship may end. If there's love, the two parties may support each other, which means they have to cut back.

Don't spend money unnecessarily. Don't compare too much. Buy things you really need, like a car or a house. Parents usually have their own house, but if they live with their parents, young people may not want to.

If you don't want to live with your parents, you can buy a house or rent one. Many people think renting is not their own, which is a challenge to our values. If you don't think renting or living with your parents is right for you, you can only buy a house.

If they don't pay their loans on time, they may lose their homes and the money they put down. They'll still have to pay the rest of the loan, which is difficult. You can see that everyone around you is doing better and talking about it, which makes everyone feel anxious. Even those who are doing well have some bad things.

We don't see or publicize people who are doing well. We need to realize that some people are doing well, but we don't know how much happiness they feel.

Even if they get these things, they may not be happy because they're foreign objects. They're not independent, but external. We don't live just for meaning. Sometimes it's okay to live without meaning. I also recommend that you seek psychological counseling to help you stabilize your emotions. Good luck!

ZQ?

The questioner doesn't need to be nervous. This kind of thinking is normal.

It's hard for the questioner to change their personality because it's shaped by their temperament, genes, and upbringing.

Secondly, I will briefly analyze why there are such thoughts.

The influence of colleagues. In work, people interact. What do people discuss together?

We always talk about equal rights, but the reality is cruel. Women talk about their children and husbands. Children talk about hobbies and schools. Husbands talk about work and salary.

They may not have married well. They may be wealthy and from a similar background. They may think it's normal to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a bag.

You will care about this in the long run. They may or may not express opinions about people without luxury goods in their daily lives.

But if you listen, you'll see that without these things, you can't integrate.

Your colleagues may not be your friends. There may be competition between you. In any group, there are only a few really friendly people.

② Human nature.

People are happier when they compare themselves to others. If neighbor B is worse off than resident A, then resident A will be happier.

People say you should be tolerant and not look down on people. But there is always contempt, just like there is a chain of contempt between academic qualifications.

Some say those with more education won't discriminate, but why should those with intermediate education discriminate? Discrimination is an attitude, and so is being polite.

Put yourself in their shoes. We ignore those worse off than us and compare ourselves to those better off. We attack those similar to us.

Marriage is not an option.

Marriage isn't appropriate right now.

Without money and mental health, conflict will increase.

If you don't become a DINK, you'll think about having kids. There'll be endless comparisons. Think carefully.

The cost of a child is high.

You can change your mind.

It changes how you think.

Aspiring people don't think about trivial matters. Love is the least valuable emotion.

Love isn't stronger than family or friendship.

You can take interesting exams, learn new skills, and exercise. Immerse yourself in learning. You are young, and there is no need to get married now.

When you get a new certificate, you'll feel happy. This is better than a designer bag. A bag may lose value, but knowledge will gain value.

You know the ROI best.

If you look back at your confused self, you'll think you were silly.

Hello!

Anyway, I think your sincerity in caring about the financial situation of the future family is actually quite valuable. What I'm most afraid of is actually pretending not to care on the surface but secretly caring about it in private.

I'd also love to share my honest thoughts on this topic! I believe that caring about your partner's financial situation and vanity are two separate issues.

[1. About marriage and economic conditions]

In a fascinating turn of events, the restrictions on marriage in the birth registration system in Sichuan were recently lifted. This has shed light on the inner workings of the marriage system in a truly remarkable way.

In the past, people got married for all the right reasons: to have children and live together to take care of them. But nowadays, couples can also have children and live together to take care of them without getting married. So what is the difference between getting married and not getting married?

Subjectively, we can say that in the traditional sense, marriage is what really forms a family. But objectively, it is more realistic to say that the difference between being married and not being married is whether or not there is legal joint property—and that's something to get excited about!

Boyfriends and girlfriends spend their own money, and mutual financial support is only a moral requirement. But there is a legal basis for the equal division of property between spouses, which is great news for couples who want to make sure they're both taken care of financially in the event of a split!

Let me be frank with you. From the moment you get married, half of your money doesn't belong to you. I'm sorry to say this is a bit cold-blooded, but it is also the truth.

For those who are financially better off, marriage can actually be a "loss." But for those who are truly in love, it's a sacrifice worth making!

It's up to you to decide whether you want to focus on emotional or financial conditions. What's important is that you choose what's right for you. Don't sacrifice yourself to relieve moral pressure. You only live once, so make the most of it!

[2. About brands and vanity]

It's one thing to be concerned about your financial situation, and another to pay attention to big brands—and it's a great thing to do!

If you really love a brand's products, like the functionality and texture, that's great! But if it's just because other people have it so you want it too, it actually goes against the idea of being concerned about your financial situation.

There's a fascinating concept in economics called "opportunity cost." Let me explain it in a simple way. Imagine you have 100 yuan in your account. You can either go out for a 100 yuan dinner or go to a 100 yuan IMAX movie.

And the best part is, if you go out to dinner, the cost is just 100 yuan, but you also get the amazing opportunity to go to the movies!

Similarly, when you spend money on a luxury item, apart from the monetary cost, there is also the amazing opportunity to use that money to improve other aspects of your life. If the luxury item itself cannot bring you more gains, it is actually equivalent to a disguised way of reducing the cost of your life.

This is why I feel that wanting luxury goods for the sake of face is contrary to paying attention to your financial situation — and it's a great thing to keep in mind!

Guess what? I've been paying attention to what's going on at all levels of my company, and I've made some fascinating observations. It seems that everyone always says that the poor play with cars and the rich play with watches. And it's true! Wearing a watch can more or less reflect the difference in hierarchy. Isn't that amazing?

The first thing I've noticed is that leaders at all levels in my company always talk about how the poor play with cars and the rich play with watches. And you know what? Wearing a watch can really reflect the difference in hierarchy! So, what's the result?

A colleague of mine wears a Rolex Green Dial Submariner (commonly known as the Green Submariner), which retails for 50,000 to 100,000 yuan and costs more than 100,000 yuan secondhand.

Guess what! A leader wearing a Cartier blue balloon costs less than 30,000.

Guess what? The leader of leaders wears a Xiaomi bracelet for less than 300 yuan!

And there's more! Prince William of the United Kingdom is considered the most standard aristocrat. The heir to the throne of the future British king generally only wears an Omega quartz watch in public.

And it's true that although it is a quartz model, Omega is also a luxury watch! He has been wearing this quartz watch for 22 years since he was 18 years old. He has been wearing this watch not because Omega is so expensive, but because his mother, Princess Diana, gave it to him as a birthday gift!

So, to sum up, a solid financial foundation is important, but if you have no personal connection to a luxury item, it can become less important—and even less directly related to your identity and status!

Hello, question asker!

I have read your question very carefully and I can tell you are a very kind girl. I also feel your confusion, bewilderment, and helplessness at this time. You will get through this.

From what you've said, it's clear that you come from a loving and supportive family. Your parents sound like they're genuinely kind people. However, when your colleague got married to a good husband, your parents criticized you, calling you vain and saying you love to compare. I believe there are many parents who want their children to marry someone with a higher social status, and there are also many people who prefer the rich to the poor. So, I'd like to give your parents a big compliment for being so open and honest with you!

I understand that you feel an imbalance in your heart. Everyone wants to improve themselves. It's natural to feel uncomfortable when everyone around you is wearing designer clothes and bags, especially when he is not as good as you in every way. This is not about being better than them; it's about being the best you can be. We all want to live our best lives. It's normal to have this mentality. If you don't, there's a problem.

But we must find a balance. Indulging in negative thoughts, self-pity, or acting out of control will only lead to internal conflict and an unbearable life.

I'll tell you what you should do next. It's based on my personal knowledge.

First, ask yourself what you really want. I see what you mean. A strong financial foundation is important for marriage. It's as simple as that. Look at the development of our country. It's always advocated economic development.

But when economic development conflicts with physical health, our country did not protect people's physical health at the beginning of the epidemic. For marriage, the degree of understanding between the two parties and the way they nourish each other is more important than the economy! You can maintain such a relationship with her, despite his condition, to ensure he has the intention to marry you. Then there is the fact that your parents did not support you because of your vain comparison. My feeling is that the boyfriend, despite his not-so-good financial situation, should have his excellent qualities!

You need to look within yourself right now.

Second, consider what you need from the outside world. Do you have to be better than others?

It's human nature to want what others have. If someone else has a famous bag, you want a famous bag. If someone else has designer clothes, you want designer clothes. If someone else is wearing a necklace from Van Cleef & Arpels, you want to wear one from the same designer. I will do anything to achieve this, just like some girls who worship material things. Otherwise, I will feel like my heart is being torn apart and I will be on pins and needles. When they say it, we feel uncomfortable, but when we actually wear it, can we have the same mentality as them? Do you also want to show off in front of others?

You must find the way that makes you most comfortable to live a better life.

Finally, cultivate yourself to maintain a pure heart. I'm going to say something subjective here. From your text, I get the impression that you are not a materialistic gold-digger. There is nothing wrong with pursuing a good economic foundation for marriage. But if you cannot achieve a good economic foundation and your partner has the qualities you like, you will know which way to go and see the economic foundation for what it is. Otherwise, you would not have come here to ask a question, and you would not have a little bit of agreement in your heart with what your parents said about you being vain and loving to compare.

You know as well as I do that changing one's temperament is difficult. And changing one's character is even more challenging! Not to mention that our character is not bad. We are anxious and love to compare!

This is a good thing. Practice self-awareness. When they come, let them come. When they go, let them go. The Buddhists say, "Let your mind be free of attachment and let it be born." This is how you maintain a pure heart.

In short, you need to be aware of yourself from both the inside and the outside, and maintain a clear mind! Start here, be aware of yourself in real time, and improve yourself all the time. You will make good choices for your future life.

You deserve a life as sweet as honey. The world and I love you, so go out there and make it happen!

Dear original poster, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

If you have a good job with good conditions, you can choose your boyfriend. You can assess what kind of partner is good for you, whether they are stable, have wealth, possess the qualities you hope the other person has, and whether they can provide you with comfort and communicate with you with empathy. Ultimately, it is your choice.

It is likely that people around you will compare, and your parents will also have some considerations. However, the choice is ultimately yours. If you are experiencing doubt or denial, you may wish to consider seeking professional assistance, which could prove a wise choice.

The decision to hesitate or linger is also a matter of taking responsibility for yourself. Being able to listen to other people's advice is also a way of avoiding future regret. Ultimately, life is your own responsibility. It is undeniable that economic factors influence many aspects of life. Marriage is also a reality. Financial stability is often a prerequisite for long-term relationships.

While there is a desire to obey one's parents, there are also external influences, such as comparisons with colleagues and a desire to be oneself. These conflicting emotions can be challenging to navigate. However, with time, the answer may become clear. It is beneficial to gain an understanding of one's partner's parents, their approach to parenting, one's boyfriend's personal qualities, their financial management style, and their ability to handle challenges. These factors are often more important than external conditions and can have a significant impact on future relationships.

Many young people nowadays find it challenging to take on responsibilities, marry at a later age, or not marry at all. This is also an indication of social progress, as individuals are increasingly prioritizing their freedom and autonomy. Happiness is a crucial aspect of life.

Take the time to reflect on your personal goals and values. Consider whether you can maintain your independence and self-worth in the face of external influences. Engage in constructive dialogue with your partner about your future aspirations and create a shared vision for your future life. Believe in your ability to continuously improve and grow.

Good day.

As you prepare to enter into marriage, you may find yourself uncertain about the criteria for choosing a spouse. You might benefit from stepping out of the perspective of your parents and coming to the Yixinli platform to post questions and seek help. This could indicate that you are a person with your own ideas, which is not a common occurrence.

[Criteria for choosing a spouse]

The Zhu Zi Zhih Family Aphorisms is one of the most classic family education aphorisms. One of the famous sayings in it is about marriage between men and women, which offers valuable insights that are still relevant for us today. It suggests that when choosing a good son-in-law for your daughter, it is important to consider more than just the financial aspects. Similarly, when taking a daughter-in-law, it is essential to look for a gentle lady who will contribute to the family in other ways.

In this context, the term "son-in-law" refers to a daughter's husband. Similarly, the phrase "virtuous son-in-law" is used to describe a husband with admirable character traits.

"Suo" can be understood to mean "to demand or ask for." "Ping" is a term that encompasses the concept of a bride price or engagement gift.

In this context, "lady" refers to a virtuous woman. "Huan" is a mirror box that holds a woman's makeup and toiletries, and in this instance, it generally refers to the dowry.

"A generous dowry" is generally understood to mean a large dowry. It is thought that a guy who is ready for marriage should have a number of qualities, including a stable job and source of income, a proper attitude towards money, a balance between the future and the quality of life in the present, stable interpersonal skills, and maturity and stability.

You say his family conditions are not very good, but he was able to pay the down payment on his own to buy a house and pay the bride price and wedding banquet expenses out of his own pocket, which shows that he is a down-to-earth person who is willing to work hard and change his financial situation. As for his impoverished family situation, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the causes of poverty, what are the objective factors, what are the human factors, how his parents get along, and what are the relationships between family members.

It is often the case that how a person raises their children and treats their partner is learned from their own biological parents. In addition, honesty is often considered to be the foundation of all virtues, and whether someone is honest or not is often a key factor to consider.

In these respects, parents can offer invaluable insights and experiences, providing a wealth of information that can be invaluable in making decisions.

I would like to share with you one of my favorite Beijing operas, called "The Locked-Up Treasure." It tells the story of a kind and wealthy young lady, Xue Xiangling, who gives a locked treasure chest full of jewels to a poor woman, Zhao Shouzhen, when she gets married. Later, Xue Xiangling is caught in a flood and ends up working as a nanny in the home of the wealthy Lu family. She discovers that the wife of the Lu family is the poor woman Zhao Shouzhen from years ago.

Zhao Shouzheng treated her as a VIP and became her sister-in-law after learning the story. As the saying goes, life is full of surprises.

It is also said that "husband and wife are birds in the same forest, each flying away when disaster strikes." Life is a long journey, and we will always encounter various challenges. While material things are ephemeral, it is the qualities within us that can help us pass the test.

It is not uncommon for colleagues to engage in comparisons, discussing the lives of their husbands and their own attire. This can be seen as a form of vanity. At times, women may feel that being labelled "Mrs. So-and-so" and wearing jewellery makes them superior. However, it is important to consider whether this perception is truly reflective of their worth. The story "The Necklace" by Guy de Maupassant, in which the wife Maudite pays a heavy price for her vanity, offers an illustrative example. When vanity exceeds one's purchasing power, it can lead to a tendency to seek ways to make money or influence one's husband to earn more. This can perpetuate a cycle of comparison and vanity. While material possessions can bring temporary happiness, it is essential to recognise that the joy they offer is often superficial. When you have your first gold necklace, it can bring initial happiness. However, when you find that other people's gold necklaces are thicker and even inlaid with jade, your initial happiness may fade. It is crucial to understand that material desires can sometimes distract us from our true values and lead to a narrowing of our perspective. By embracing a more balanced approach to life, we can avoid the pitfalls of vanity and cultivate a sense of contentment and fulfilment.

Then you may find yourself spending time and money chasing after the next fleeting happiness. There are also many examples on the Internet of girls taking risks for designer bags, and eventually going down the path of crime. It might be worth asking yourself why you would want to do that.

While material things are often thought to bring enjoyment and happiness, it is possible that fleeting happiness may in fact bring endless suffering. It may therefore be helpful for the questioner to consider the things in life that can bring them lasting happiness.

[The root of psychological imbalance]

The questioner has a relatively clear understanding of herself, that is, she is quite well-off. She feels a certain degree of psychological imbalance when she sees someone who is better off than her, which could be perceived as putting a price tag on oneself and treating oneself like a commodity. Do you think the standard you mentioned for marrying well is perhaps a bit too superficial?

It is often said that marriage is a matter of personal taste. Only the person involved can truly know if a marriage is a good fit. Similarly, marriage is like drinking water: you are in the best position to decide whether it is cold or hot.

It is worth noting that the objectification of women has been a stereotype for thousands of years, and even we women ourselves are influenced by this collective subconscious. In today's society, women are presented with a multitude of opportunities for self-realization. The notion that a woman's value is determined by her children and husband is gradually becoming less prevalent. Many women find fulfillment in pursuing their own interests and purchasing items that align with their personal preferences, without necessarily seeking external validation. If one aspires to a carefree life, it may be helpful to embrace this perspective from an early stage. Being financially and spiritually independent can bring immense joy to a woman's life.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a sunny dolphin. I am already in my middle years, and I have recently come to understand the ways in which society has deceived and exploited women. Men use high-end jewelry and designer bags to try to buy our freedom to fly. These material things can feel like a thin chain around our necks. We may think of them as an expensive ornament, but we should be careful not to become accustomed to this life of captivity, lose our yearning for the sky, and wither our souls. I hope my answer can help you, and I hope you can always be independent and free.

Hello! I give you a hug!

I agree that a solid marriage-but-what-about-vanity-and-love-30587.html" target="_blank">financial foundation is important for marriage. I envy others when I see their luxury goods.

My child says her mother loves money. She tells her aunt and classmates.

I'm not sure if I told my teacher. Anyway, she thinks her mother is just greedy.

I got married with no money and now I'm poor. I dream of becoming rich overnight.

I also believe it's best to earn money yourself. You can't win the lottery and get money from someone else.

This person could be a parent or spouse.

The ancestors said, "A gentleman loves money, but takes it in the right way." There is nothing wrong with loving money or hoping to be rich.

How does this money come?

Having desires is fine, but how we face them reflects our quality as a member of society.

The original poster said her colleagues are well-married with houses, cars, designer bags, and expensive jewelry. Her boyfriend comes from a poor family and only bought a house last year.

The wedding and house will cost the boyfriend money. Married life will be tough financially.

The questioner feels unbalanced because her family is well-off and she looks good for her age. At the very least, her boyfriend should be like the husband of a colleague who married well.

Your boyfriend doesn't have enough money, which makes you anxious and causes you to compare.

You can either find a new boyfriend with good financial resources, but this is probably not easy. There are more women than men, and good-quality men are popular.

You've been dating for a few years, so there's a relationship. It's not easy to find someone else.

Or accept your vanity, anxiety, and comparisons. They're normal.

If you can't change your financial situation or if your desired husband and parents can't provide you with what you want, you have to accept it.

You can make money yourself and motivate your boyfriend to make money. Use vanity, anxiety, and comparison to do it.

Start a business to improve your finances. This will give you more confidence in marrying a good colleague.

People influence us, but we should think about this and not let negative feelings make us do things we regret.

Talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who is Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I love the world.

Hello. From what you've said, I can see you're struggling with some issues. It seems like you're having trouble making a decision before getting married. How are you dealing with the financial aspect and your own vanity?

I'm a psychological counselor, and I'd like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

As the old saying goes, money isn't everything, but you can't do anything without it. Love and marriage are based on emotions, and so is the economy. Your husband is capable, as you describe him, and he is someone who can create value on his own. He is capable, responsible, and committed.

This is a potential stock. What about you?

How do you feel about your security? Do you compare yourself to your colleagues or your husband?

Or maybe your in-laws? Security is something you give yourself. You're both colleagues, and your incomes should be similar. Working within the system means there are no big risks, and the income is not high, but it is stable.

Two capable people come together, create their own home through their own efforts, based on their emotions, with communication and exchange as the link, set common goals, and live their own lives. Happiness is an experience of the spiritual world. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is based on physiological needs, including food, drink, sleep, and sex.

The second level is about security, the third level is about the ability to love and be loved, the fourth level is about respect, and the fifth level is about self-worth.

It's important to understand your own needs, experience what it's like to be with two people, and reflect on what your goals are. This requires a dialogue with yourself, free from external distractions. You can also seek out a psychological counselor to express your inner conflicts and anxieties, discuss them together, and empower yourself to become a strong person within, in control of your own world.

I love you, and I think you should love yourself too. You'll be in a good place mentally and physically before you can start an intimate relationship and have a stable and secure partnership. Best of luck!

Marriage is a personal choice, and only you can decide if it's the right fit for you. From what you've shared, it seems like you have valid concerns and thoughts.

And your parents' views are not necessarily incorrect. Could I ask what is going on here?

This involves a person's views on love and marriage, views on life, and values. If a person has their own firmly held views and their own unique insights and thoughts on life, they may be less affected by the views of others and can live freely and enjoy the pleasures of this one life.

Marriage is like shoes. Just because you think they look good doesn't mean everyone will agree, and just because everyone thinks they look good doesn't mean you'll feel comfortable in them. Comfort and good looks don't always go together, but it would be wonderful if they did.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that there are rarely shoes that are 10 out of 10 for comfort and 10 out of 10 for looks. It's understandable that there might be a preference for one over the other, and it's important to recognize that what we value differs from person to person.

Take a moment to calm down and reflect. It might help to sort out your own heart and understand your true needs. Your own life is always your own, and no one else can take your place. It's often the case that a person's troubles do not come from outside interference, but from within.

When you know your heart, simplify and understand your needs, and know the life you want in the future, then you will have a clear goal and will not be so blind. From your description, it seems that you are more influenced by the people around you in this process. People are social beings by nature. People in society want to belong to a group and hope that everything about themselves will be recognized by the group. This is understandable, but in the process, people must also grow and gradually mature. Life is their own, and no one else can replace them. So it might be helpful to find the most comfortable way to live that suits you best.

There is nothing wrong with valuing material things. It is a responsible attitude towards life. Life itself is based on material things, and as long as it is done in moderation, there is nothing to criticize.

Your description of the man's current material conditions could perhaps be more detailed. It would be helpful to know whether he is capable of creating wealth.

Or is he someone who just gets by? Even if you want someone who can create wealth, it's understandable to feel uncertain about the future of those who are not yet successful, unless they have already demonstrated success.

It is possible that even if he works very hard, he may not necessarily have the ability to satisfy your material desires. It would be helpful for you to understand this.

Some parents may advise against being too materialistic, but this is not just about material things. Some people work hard all the time but don't have much luck. However, their positive and optimistic attitude, courage to take responsibility, and consideration for their wife are all attractive qualities in a man. It is therefore important to consider whether these qualities are important to you and whether your partner has them. Marriage is a complicated matter, with so many possibilities and so many changes. As the saying goes, the choices you make today may change in the future. It is therefore important to understand your own needs, get to know the other person's character, and be prepared for the possibility of changes in the future, without forgetting your original intentions. This will help ensure that your marriage is happy and successful.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who loves to speak in images.

After reading the question, "How do I get rid of my vain character?," I couldn't help but wonder if the questioner truly agrees with the evaluation their parents gave them.

It can be so hard not to listen, not to look, not to compare when your work circle is full of people with designer handbags and rich husbands!

How much self-control do you think is needed to not be tempted by a "glamorous and beautiful" life?

So, as a young person entering society, you are going to compare and hesitate... It is actually really normal to have these reactions. I totally get it! The reason why you are struggling with the question of whether to marry your boyfriend is probably because you are worried about becoming the topic of conversation among "them," and you are comparing yourself to the "lower limit."

It's only through your kindness and humility that their beauty can truly shine through.

But we can't stop people from talking, and the truth is, you really need to think about this:

After a few years of dating, how would you say the relationship between you and your boyfriend is going? What do you love about each other?

I'd love to know, will this love change over time? And will it grow stronger or weaker?

I'd love to hear more about what else might affect your relationship, other than material conditions.

From what you've told me, it seems that your boyfriend may not be able to provide you with a superior life at the moment. But is he trying to create this future life for you?

It's totally normal to worry about sharing debt with your partner after marriage. It can feel like it'll lower your standard of living. Or maybe you're worried about having a simple life. Or maybe you're worried about being compared to your colleagues at work.

When we're feeling a little unstable inside, it's easy for any sound to become a distraction. As we mentioned before, we can't silence everyone's opinions, but it's so important to be clear about our own thoughts and needs.

We hope the questions we left at the beginning will help you clarify some of your thoughts. If you need more help, you can also sort them out through psychological counseling and have an in-depth dialogue with your subconscious. We truly believe that personality growth is worth spending money and time on. If you are rich in spirit, you may feel differently when you look back at those materialistic comparisons.

Material things can only be worn or placed there, and their value is given by people. But you know what? It's so much better to make yourself a valuable person!

Wishing you all the best!