I was not loved as a child, and after a breakup, I always abuse women. How can I improve my thinking?

Hello. I am the place of peace.

You were abused as a child, and your first love made you better and better. However, after breaking up with your girlfriend because you didn't trust her, you became prone to violence. You came to the platform to seek help, hoping to find a way to improve your psychology.

You need to find the answer yourself.

You are the expert on your own problems. You have the most experience and the most to say about them. You have the right to speak and choose.

I can explore it with you if you like.

As a child, you were often abused and beaten. Your childhood memories are painful, angry, helpless, and hopeless for you. You must have experienced the feeling of being loved at some point.

Your first love warmed you and moved you. She made you feel noticed and loved.

Give me an example of what your girlfriend said or did to make you feel better.

I'd like you to be more specific about what you mean by "good."

However, you later discovered that the amount of attention you gave her was not as important as that of her friends. This was unacceptable to you, and in your anger, you became a control freak.

"I've put in so much effort," you say. Tell me exactly what you've done. How much effort have you put in?

You feel she treats her best friend better than you. What actions on her part have given rise to this feeling?

When you feel this way, you need to communicate with her.

Tell me, are you "good friends" with the same sex or the opposite sex?

You need to ask yourself why you were stalking her and spying on her in an attempt to control her. Do you care about her? Are you afraid of losing her?

Or are you worried about losing the hard-won feeling of being loved that you just had?

Tell me, what was your girlfriend's attitude when you behaved in this way? And how did you respond?

Your approach hasn't yielded the desired result. She's like a handful of sand in your hands. You can't stop the relentless loss, no matter how tightly you hold it.

You ended up leaving her.

After the separation, you became violent and abusive, driven by uncontrollable abduction fantasies. You needed medication to cope. How long have you suffered like this?

You're here because you know you need to make changes. But you won't find the right method for you unless you try other things.

For example, a psychological counselor or therapist can accompany you on an in-depth and systematic journey of psychological healing. They will help you explore and understand yourself, and promote your growth and strength.

This is going to be an incredibly difficult battle, and it will be cruel.

Don't be impatient. Take your time. Give more, have more courage, perseverance, and hard work. Don't be afraid of setbacks or failure. Start again after a fall.

A professional teacher will provide the answers you seek.

I am certain that you will succeed.

Hello, I'm Wang Haimin, a psychological counselor.

You have the power within you to resolve the hatred in your heart, alleviate the trauma of your past experiences, discover and believe in the love of others, express love, and rebuild yourself. With the help of a counselor, you can do this.

First, could you tell me a bit about your upbringing?

If you were often abused as a child, you're likely to be more aware of the dangers and cruelty in the outside world. There are emotional abuse and physical abuse. Not being valued, respected, and loved is emotional abuse.

Hitting someone is physical abuse.

It doesn't matter what kind of child you are, adults should never abuse you. Nobody's perfect.

Parents should give their kids as much warmth and support as they can. Kids need their parents. If kids can live independently, they can protect themselves from abuse.

When you're dealing with parental abuse, it's tough to feel anything but pain and powerlessness. You might find yourself turning to hatred as a way to cope. Over time, it's not uncommon to feel increasingly resentful of the world.

Meeting your first love is a life-changing experience. It's like a door opens in your heart, and you feel loved, loving, and warm inside.

Meet your first love. It'll make you feel like a door has opened in your heart, that you can feel love and be loved, feel warmth, and become better and better inside.

As you mentioned, you found out that your first love treated her friends better than you. This discovery activated your trauma of being neglected. You are angry at your girlfriend for hurting you and you want to control her to see if she is as good to others as she is to you. These suspicions and speculations will make the other person feel controlled and scared.

As you mentioned, you discovered that her friends treated her better than you did in your first relationship. This discovery activated your trauma of not being valued, and you became angry with your girlfriend for hurting you. You wanted to control her and see if she was nicer to other people than she was to you. These suspicions and speculations will make the other person feel controlled and scared.

You can't help but wonder if your breakup was due to this.

She doesn't treat you as well as she treats others, which makes you feel resentful. This brings up past trauma.

The fact that she treats you differently than she treats others makes you feel resentful and unhappy. This is the shadow of past trauma.

In most relationships, one person can't fully satisfy the other.

You think you're treating her better than she's treating you, which makes you resentful and unbalanced. Past trauma has made you sensitive to whether others are treating you well, and you can't

What are the ways you show kindness to her, and how does she respond? What are the ways she shows unkindness to you, and how could she do things differently to be kinder? These are the questions that need to be clarified.

What are the ways you show kindness to her, and how does she respond? What are the ways she's unkind to you, and how does she do things that are good for you? These are the kinds of questions that need to be clarified.

If you clarify these standards, you can view relationships more comprehensively, reduce conflicts, and not be overly sensitive or suspicious. If the other person has a bad side to you, you can also communicate and express it, and it won't accumulate and suppress hatred.

We all grow up with some kind of trauma, and kids need their parents to love, support, protect, and care for them. People who haven't received unconditional love often feel like something's missing inside and look for it outside themselves.

2. Violence and Revenge

After a breakup, you might find yourself fantasizing about getting revenge on the other person. These fantasies can help reduce your hatred and help you achieve some psychological balance. However, if the hatred is particularly strong, these fantasies may not be enough to eliminate your hatred, and you may even take action and commit violence against others.

I think these feelings of hatred have two parts: one is your hatred of your first love, and the other is your hatred of those who have hurt you. The combined hatred is so strong that you can't let it go in your heart, and your heart can't accommodate this hatred. It seems like you need to do something practical to reduce this hatred.

How can we resolve some of this hatred?

1. Accept that you can't get the love of adults, let go of the idea of having good parents, grieve this loss, and gradually find people who love and accept you. If you can't find them, don't give up on loving yourself, treat yourself well, and take care of yourself.

2. There's a chance that your first love isn't your destiny. If she's the right person, you'll communicate well with each other and resolve conflicts effectively. There's plenty of time for you to meet the right person for you, and I believe your life will be very good.

3. You need to find someone you can talk to about these negative feelings. Don't suppress them. Gradually accept these realities through expression, let your emotions slow down, calm your mind, and start a new life.

I think it's important to remember that we all have to deal with these things at some point in our lives. It's not easy, but we have to try to find a way to move on.

4. Talk to a counselor or just talk it out. Let the hatred flow and slowly digest it.