I was unloved as a child, and it makes me want to cry when I see other people being spoiled by their dads. How can I adjust?

It is unlikely that your father will undergo a sudden change in attitude without some form of prompting. Patriarchal attitudes are often deeply ingrained and may persist throughout his life. Therefore, it is advisable not to expect too much.

It appears that it is challenging for you to alter your perception of being wronged unless your father suddenly displays favoritism towards you, unless you acknowledge the existence of biased fathers in the world, and you happen to encounter one.

As the individual responsible for your upbringing, I must accept the consequences of my actions. This is simply a matter of accountability and responsibility.

It is important to recognize that emotions cannot be generated without a foundation. Can you genuinely love him from the bottom of your heart? There is no need to harbor negative feelings, and there is no reason to be remorseful. If there is no love, it is unproductive to discuss love. If there is responsibility, it is more productive to address it directly.

From my perspective, it is difficult to accept the notion of one-sided responsibility or emotion. It appears to be a form of hypocrisy and insincerity. I must admit that I do not possess a great deal of understanding or tolerance. I am inclined to believe that the family with whom you spend every waking moment has instilled in you the feelings you have held for the past 25 years.

If you are in a situation where you are experiencing conflicting emotions, I would advise you to focus on identifying the source of your feelings of love.

My parents were firm and even authoritarian, rarely offering praise or encouragement, and there was no question of being spoiled. For a long time, they were full of anger and dissatisfaction, but I never questioned my parents' love for me. I am aware of their expectations regarding my eating and dressing habits, the unease I experienced when waiting under the streetlamp after returning home late at night, and the gaze I received from my parents as I set off to go to school. Behind it is the love and care that I feel more clearly.

Despite the possibility of further rebellious behavior and subsequent physical consequences, I do not believe such actions are necessary. However, I am noticing a growing sense of resolve in my emotional state.

Should you recall any similar details, kindly disregard the aforementioned statements.

If you state that you are merely indifferent, that is acceptable. When you feel aggrieved and sad, allow yourself to cry. Once you have cried, consider other, more probable, positive aspects. You will be able to get through these 25 years, and you will be able to get through another 25 years, 50 years, and so on.

It can only improve from here on out, right?

It is reasonable to assume that things will improve.

Rather than waiting for unlikely outcomes or pursuing unattainable goals, it is more productive to acknowledge past experiences and current circumstances. Focusing on factors such as love, friendship, career advancement, self-reliance, and strength can help address grievances and fill gaps. There are numerous sources of happiness, joy, and security. While paternal love and family affection may be challenging to replicate, they are not the sole determinants of a sense of security.

There are no fixed rules, and experiences vary from person to person. However, whatever approach you take, as long as it makes you feel more relaxed and happier, it is the best course of action.

I wish you success and happiness.

My dear, I read your confession. You felt aggrieved as a child, not receiving unconditional love from your parents. You feel aggrieved, and when you see other fathers doting on their daughters, you want to cry. Let's explore this together!

1. You have no parents to love you. You are 25 and still not married, so you don't have a sense of security.

You were born into a family that values boys over girls. Your parents think girls are part of the family and should be loved and cared for. This is traditional thinking and a limitation of your parents. It's a fact that can't be changed. You can try to explain to them. They haven't received much education, so their level of thinking is limited.

There's nothing wrong with not getting married by 25. Many women in their 30s are still single. Learn more about psychology, grow as a person, and love yourself.

Also, 25 is a great age to fall in love. Go on a few good relationships. Sometimes people are nourished in love.

2. I've noticed more and more fathers treating their daughters well. It makes me angry and I cry. I don't want to talk to my father because he's a man of few words and a male chauvinist.

If you talk to your father about your past grievances, he can care about you like a father cares about a daughter. When you get what you want, you won't be sad.

You can also send a gift to yourself in the future. Write a blessing in your father's voice and feel the care. There are many similar ways to feel better.

This is for your reference. Thanks.

Greetings!

Individuals who were raised in a patriarchal family and experienced neglect from their parents may develop feelings of insecurity and distress when they observe fathers lavishing attention on their daughters. Such observations may evoke a complex array of emotions, including sadness, resentment, and anger. These individuals may be uncertain about how to address these feelings and alter the circumstances they perceive as problematic.

1. Re-examine the concept of exploring one's family of origin.

It is evident that our original family has a profound impact on our personality, psychology, and sense of security. This realization is a positive step, but it is not sufficient to merely identify the root cause of our current situation and the individual responsible for it. Such an approach may only result in distress and impede our ability to progress.

Indeed, the value of examining one's family of origin lies in discerning the origins and attributes of one's personality, thereby identifying areas for improvement, with the aim of implementing targeted self-enhancement and growth strategies.

To illustrate, if an individual identifies a lack of security due to neglect from their parents during childhood, particularly a lack of paternal affection, the subsequent step is to consider strategies for fostering a sense of security within themselves.

Indeed, this desire has already been articulated at the conclusion of the inquiry, which is a commendable observation. The subsequent step would be to link this aspiration with the importance of examining one's own family of origin. This process allows for the identification of personal character traits and the discernment of avenues for personal growth through the exploration of one's family of origin.

2. Consider the influence of one's original family on one's development.

Many individuals harbor a desire for perfection when examining their familial origins. Upon recognizing the imperfections inherent in these origins, they often experience feelings of resentment and grievance. However, it is important to recognize that no family origin can be considered perfect. Even parents, who are often viewed as role models, grew up in imperfect families.

It is not the case that there are inherent problems in the original family, that we were not treated perfectly, or that we will inevitably experience difficulties as we mature. Some posit that one's first half of life is shaped by one's parents, while the second half is shaped by oneself.

This implies that individuals can entirely adapt and compensate for any deficiencies in their original family through their own endeavours, attain the life they desire, and enhance their quality of life.

3. It is recommended that the individual focus on the present, identify their strengths and resources, and work hard to grow in a down-to-earth manner.

Regardless of the growth process one has undergone, at the age of 25, one is fully capable of assuming responsibility for their own life, developing an independent self, and achieving separation from their original family.

One must remain anchored in the present, utilize one's inherent resources, acknowledge one's strengths and advantages, and strive to fulfill one's potential.

It is recommended that one gradually cultivate their abilities in all aspects, with the aim of developing a good body, a good mind, and a good character.

For example, the capacity to generate income and achieve financial autonomy and stability represents a fundamental aspect of personal independence.

It is recommended that individuals interact with others with an altruistic heart, expand their social circle, learn to be altruistic when interacting with others, demonstrate an ability to care about other people's feelings, and consider issues from other people's perspectives. These behaviors will contribute to the formation of positive interpersonal relationships.

4. Cultivate an independent mindset, establish a sense of autonomy from one's familial origins, and pursue personal growth and development.

By studying psychology, one can gain insight into their own irrational beliefs with the assistance of a professional, address their familial complexes, and achieve psychological separation from their family of origin, thereby attaining individualization. This is a crucial phase in the process of maturation and the attainment of independence.

As one's capabilities increase, one is better positioned to achieve desired outcomes in the real world. The sense of security that one creates for oneself is the most reliable and dependable form of protection.

It is my hope that the response from Hongyu will prove to be of assistance. I am grateful for your inquiry.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

From the questioner's description, it is evident that he believes his parents adhere to a patriarchal concept of men preferring sons to daughters. The evidence is clear: his parents treat him and his younger brother differently!

I want to know why parents treat the questioner like this. I also want to know who instilled these different concepts in them.

The way the parents treat the questioner makes her feel unappreciated and envious of families that spoil their daughters. What the parents do may seem normal to them, but it often causes depression and hurt to the questioner.

I want to give the OP a hug and some warmth. The original family can't always give love, but the OP can. Hug yourself, care for and love yourself, and enjoy feeling loved and valued. Based on the OP's question, I'll give the OP some simple advice:

Understand the parents' motives for treating the questioner.

The parents of the questioner are treating the questioner this way for a reason. What circumstances have caused them to treat the questioner this way? How do they treat their daughter? Did their parents teach them this way in their original family?

This is a common phenomenon in China. The OP is not the only one who has been treated this way. Parents learn how to treat their children from their original family.

This model is imprinted in their hearts, and they will bring this model into the family they form. They believe this is how parents should treat their children.

You need to understand your parents' motives. Once you understand why they did what they did, you can release your emotions, treat them more calmly, and be more composed.

Speak to your parents.

The questioner should communicate with their parents when they are in a good mood and talk about their feelings and thoughts. They should express their love for their parents and make it clear that they want to receive their love and care.

The questioner should communicate with them about how they feel about their parents' behavior. Find out what their parents think and what their motives are.

Parents' views on their children often originate from previous generations' ideas or patterns inherited from their own families. These patterns and ideas can directly impact the questioner. To understand their parents' views, the questioner must first understand their parents' situation.

Get active.

The questioner's negative emotions are inevitable when faced with her parents' behavior. She feels envious and uncomfortable when she watches other people's families adore their daughters. The best way to resist negative emotions is to get active.

Get active and go outdoors to get some fresh air and sunshine. Exercise will speed up blood circulation, and the brain will feel more comfortable with plenty of oxygen, relieving tension in the nervous system. When you exercise, the brain will secrete a substance that makes people happy, and you will experience this feeling after you exercise, which will encourage you to use exercise as a way to dispel negative emotions.

Get professional psychological support.

If you find it difficult to accept your parents' behavior and don't know how to communicate with them, you should seek professional psychological support. Find some psychological counselors or listening therapists on some psychological platforms and talk to them. They will help you communicate better with your parents.

If the school has a psychological counselor, the questioner should go and talk to the teacher!

Accept yourself.

If parents cannot give the child love and cannot even do something for the child to make the child happy, then the child can and should care for themselves, love themselves, and even accept themselves. Do more of the things you like, and let yourself feel the warmth of being loved in the things you like. Understand that you are worthy of love.

Accept your own state, and when you are in a low mood, take action to please yourself. Make yourself happy, and you can also eat something sweet. Sweet things make the body happy, and they will also make you feel happy.

It is crucial to prioritize your own happiness without causing harm to others. Don't allow negative emotions to take over your life.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

Good day, landlord. I hope my response can be of some assistance to you.

It's understandable to feel a longing for your father's love and affection. However, it might be helpful to consider whether communication is the best way to receive it. It's possible that your father is not the most talkative person and that his views align with traditional male chauvinism. This could lead to a sense of fear about not receiving the care and love you desire.

I hope you can feel some warmth and support. As a daughter, I can relate to this feeling, and my father also rarely spoke. For a long time, I also longed for his recognition and affection, but I was also afraid of not getting a good response. The last time I went home, I mustered the courage and finally went to find my father to communicate. I found that, in fact, he loved me, it's just that his way of expressing love was different from what I expected. Therefore, if I can suggest that we should still communicate with our fathers, then what else do we need to do?

It is important to note that changing our perspective and moving away from the role of a victim does not mean that we can change our experiences. However, it does allow us the opportunity to approach them in a different manner.

We often say that people can choose their future, but we cannot choose our birth. When we truly accept that our biological parents are the only people who can be our parents, we may find it easier to let go of that sense of grievance and the thoughts and ideas of wanting to change our parents.

It is understandable that we may feel that our parents have hurt us in the past, and that we may resent or even hate them for their inaction. The mistreatment we suffered is real. However, it is important to consider that this perspective may not be entirely helpful for us.

Perhaps what matters most is not the past, but the direction we want to go in and our true desires.

It is important to recognize that maintaining a victim role with all kinds of grievances may not be the most helpful approach. While it can be challenging to accept the unfair treatment we feel, it is essential to understand that it is not a fact, but rather a different point of view from a different perspective.

Perhaps our feelings will be different when we look at things from a different perspective.

For instance, we could consider the circumstances and era in which our father lived. It might be the case that, in general, fathers in that generation placed a higher value on sons than daughters. However, this does not necessarily mean that they did not love their daughters. It is possible that they were constrained by the influence of culture. Similarly, we could examine our past from the perspective of species evolution. This is because humans often retain negative information and are more likely to ignore positive information. Therefore, we could ask ourselves whether, beyond the idea that our father valued sons over daughters, he also demonstrated some loving behaviour towards us.

2. You may find it helpful to view your parents through the eyes of your father's parents. This could assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of your father and reveal additional insights.

It might be helpful to try to see your father through the eyes of your parents (your grandparents). At this time, you are standing in the shoes of your grandparents and looking at their child (your father). Do they seem to have the ability and strength to take care of this child?

When they see this child, how do they feel? Do they feel proud, sorry, indifferent, or something else?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your father through the eyes of his parents. Initially, you may have viewed him through the lens of a child. By shifting to the perspective of your parents, you can gain a more nuanced understanding of your father. When viewed through this broader lens, it's natural to question whether the child in front of you is truly good.

Could I ask what his needs might be? And what emotions might he be experiencing?

Could I ask what you have given and what he has lacked?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that when he was a child, he also had many desires. It may be challenging to guarantee that all of them can be satisfied. It's possible that you may also have your own regrets and feelings of helplessness.

If you would like to, you can look back on the history of your family across generations. You may find that there is a reason why your father is the way he is and carries the message he does. It is not his fault. Perhaps he has already given you what he believes to be the best, but he has his limitations.

By doing so, we can gain a deeper understanding of our father, recognize his limitations, and accept him for who he is. This allows us to let go of past grievances and obsessions, learn to care for our inner selves, and become our own inner parents.

3. It may be helpful to learn to be your own inner parent, while also trying to communicate and express yourself sincerely to your father.

If you are open to it, you can engage in some honest communication with your father. It's not that he doesn't love you; it's just that he may not know how to express it in the way you'd like. This is something many of us have experienced. When we're ready to extend a willingness to communicate, it can open the door to a deeper connection. You can choose a time when you're both in a positive frame of mind and ask your father, "Dad, do you approve of me? I'd really love for you to be more like so-and-so's father and show me more affection. I need this kind of care and love from you to feel secure and happy. In the future, you can... (state your specific expectations and requests of your father)."

I believe that if you are prepared and really communicate with your father sincerely, you may be surprised and gain a great deal. However, if you are not yet prepared, there is no need to force the issue.

However, we will eventually have to leave our parents' side and may not always receive the love we desire from them. This is why it is important for us to gradually become independent and learn to be our own "inner parents."

There is a concept in psychology called the "inner parent." When we become adults, we have the option of being our own inner parent, taking care of ourselves again, and giving ourselves the kind of love and attention we need.

Perhaps the answer to the question of how to take care of yourself is as simple as loving yourself.

It might be helpful to remember that loving yourself is actually instinctive, and something we should do regardless of whether we have any childhood trauma. When you want to love yourself, it could be beneficial to first get rid of self-limiting beliefs like "I was hurt as a child," "I was helpless," and "I'm a victim." Just love yourself as you are.

Otherwise, you may inadvertently be limiting your own potential.

I believe we can give ourselves comprehensive love from five perspectives.

It would be beneficial to take care of your body and meet your material needs appropriately. This could include things like eating on time, getting enough sleep, and having a balanced diet.

Emotions: It would be beneficial to learn how to take care of your emotions and use reasonable ways to release them, such as writing to heal and doing your favorite sports.

Time: open to considering ways of accepting the past and envisioning a positive future, with plans that are carefully considered.

Space: Allow yourself to enjoy everything around you, to enjoy being loved, and to learn how to give love with all your heart.

Mind: Consider setting aside time for yourself, exploring your inner self, enhancing your insight, and continuing to learn and grow.

Please note that the above is for reference only. Wishing you all the best!

Dear girl, when I read your question, it's like seeing a lost child trying to blaze a trail on their own, but looking at the bustling crowd and unwilling to take their eyes off it.

If you're 25, you should be financially independent, right? But you're still sad about the lack of parental attachment and how your parents treated you when you were young, and you lack a sense of security.

It can really make people feel down. I want to give you a hug from afar to let you know that this kind of experience is pretty common in Chinese families. People who have gone through something similar to you also share the same pain.

Some people dwell on their wounds every day and feel sorry for themselves. Others have moved on from that phase and are courageously forging their own path.

Many parents don't know how to be parents. They lack a growth mindset and don't know how to educate or love. This is the cause of the pain you've described. We can't choose our parents, but we can choose how to live our lives.

You're an adult now, and you've realized that your family's upbringing methods caused you a lot of trouble and pain. This is a good thing. It takes a lot of patience and courage to admit and face this, so you can change it. Not all parents are like your parents, and not all parents are better than your parents. If you can understand this, you won't envy others for being spoiled.

If you can appreciate the beauty in other people's lives despite their parents' shortcomings, it's a significant step towards your future happiness.

You have the right to feel pain, but I really think you should try not to dwell on it. Since you asked your question on the platform, it shows that you have a sense of self-help, which I think is great! I also hope that you can really go out and make your personality independent and reshape your thinking.

You deserve to be happy, and your parents' mistakes are not your fault. They didn't know how to love and didn't teach you to love, and they didn't give you enough happiness. But you are always worthy of being happy.

So you need to build on your sense of happiness, keep growing and adjusting your perceptions, and believe that you can create your own happy life.

Sorry if this reply is a bit blunt and not very comforting. You need to face your own needs. Your sense of security and happiness can't come from your parents. You have to learn to create it yourself. Come on!

I truly believe you can do it!

I hope this is helpful.

Hugging is painful because your family wanted a son.

You have a younger brother.

In this kind of family life, your subconscious believes you should be unimportant. This stops you from hating your parents.

This will only make you resentful.

Your parents are not bad.

Every child loves their parents.

Even if this parent doesn't show love to their child, the child still wants love from them.

You have a strong need for love but cannot trust it. You express love with grievances because you hate not being loved.

You can hate your parents and still love them.

You can hate your parents for not paying enough attention to you. At the same time, you can love them for raising you.

You'll know what to do. Or what you want to do?

In the future, it might be hard to connect deeply in romantic relationships.

My advice is to find a counselor or come to me for counseling.

Or learn to connect deeply with others.

I wish you happiness and joy.

Good morning, host. I am honored to answer your question. Based on the information provided, it appears that your younger brother is well-behaved, and many resources are skewed towards him. You dropped out of school to earn money after graduation. You went on spring trips together, but when you got hot and sweaty, he wouldn't buy you anything, so you didn't feel your father's love. The favoritism towards your younger brother, as well as the perceived unfairness, likely contributed to your growing indifference towards your father.

It is only natural to experience feelings of resentment when observing others lavishing attention on their daughters. Comparison is a normal human emotion. When experiencing feelings of resentment, it is possible to choose an appropriate outlet for expressing these emotions.

The expression of grievances in an appropriate manner, whether through the release of tears, the written word, or the confiding of one's concerns to others, can serve to alleviate the internal pressure caused by powerful negative emotions and maintain one's inner equilibrium.

Due to the relatively distant nature of your relationship with your father, you have had limited experience engaging with adult men during your childhood. Consequently, you lack the requisite skills to navigate a relationship with a man you admire. Your perception of men is shaped by the assumption that they are inherently male chauvinistic, cold, and heartless. This perception has led to your continued single status at the age of 25.

Emotions can be classified into three categories: family love, friendship, and romantic love. A harmonious blend of these three elements is essential for a stable and fulfilling life. In the context of a father-daughter relationship, the family love aspect may be lacking, yet it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is crucial to acknowledge and accept this reality. Despite one's efforts, it is often challenging to undo the emotional scars caused by a father's perceived lack of affection in the past. To compensate for the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity stemming from a lack of family love, it is beneficial to cultivate a strong support system of friends or to seek a fulfilling romantic partnership.

It has been established that in reality, a considerable number of fathers lavish excessive affection upon their daughters. Their world is characterised by an abundance of positive qualities, including optimism and confidence, and their future is perceived to be filled with hope. It would be beneficial to cultivate further friendships with individuals sharing these attributes, and to learn from this group of girls how to communicate and interact with good boys in order to promote intimacy.

It is important to improve one's own living conditions and strive to find one's own happiness.

The process of maturation is also a gradual process of emancipation from the constraints of one's original family. A satisfactory original family does not merely result in physical and mental distress.

The fortitude and perseverance to surmount these challenges. I am gratified to have an appointment. 1983. The world and I love you!

Hello! From what you've told me, I can see how much pain you're in. I'm here to help, and I want to give you a big hug first, just to show you that I'm here for you and I care.

It's totally normal to feel the way you do. You said your parents didn't love you as a child and treated you like you were fine just to have raised you. That must have been really hard for you. And it's not just you. Many girls feel the same way. Your family also felt that girls weren't worth studying. They thought it was better for girls to start earning money early. That's why they never bought you shoes when they fell apart. You never went on school trips. Your younger brother is very good to you. He spoils you. You said you feel particularly aggrieved every time you see other fathers being so good to their daughters. I can understand why. It's not your fault. There's no need to adjust it.

I can see that your past experiences have brought you a lack of emotion and hurt, as well as affecting your real life. It's totally normal to feel this way at 25 and not yet married. I'm here to help you find a sense of security in life.

In that case, you still have to do something for yourself. First, remember to love yourself, even if the world doesn't love you back. Second, even though you say you don't want to communicate with your father, you still need to tell him and your family about the impact and harm their past actions have caused you. It's important for them to know your true feelings. Even if they don't apologize, at least you won't just silently bear this grievance and sadness in your heart alone.

If you'd like to repair the relationship, that's great! But if you're not ready for that, that's okay too. Either way, you can always seek help from a counselor.

It can be tough to work through these things on your own, so don't be afraid to reach out to a counselor if you need some extra support.

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you, but they're just my personal opinion and are for reference only. Take care of yourself, sweetheart! ?

Good day, question asker. I am Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I am honored to answer your question on Yi Xinli.

From your description, it is evident that you have experienced a lack of parental love since childhood. It is likely that you have felt a sense of sadness and isolation, particularly when observing other children being loved by their parents.

Such a past is inherently challenging to navigate, yet those who have undergone similar experiences can offer a unique perspective and understanding.

The family of origin is a fixed entity that cannot be altered; however, the manner in which it is perceived can be modified.

In consideration of the aforementioned concerns, the following recommendations are offered:

It is recommended that the individual in question obtain gainful employment and thereby provide themselves with a sense of security.

Securing employment provides the opportunity to earn an income, attain financial independence, purchase desired items, and gain a sense of security.

Although your experience differs from that of others, adversity can foster resilience and fortitude, enabling you to maintain a positive outlook despite challenges.

Secondly, it is recommended that the individual in question communicate more with their parents and express their inner feelings.

Although you were born into a family that places a higher value on boys than girls, it is likely that your parents still love you. It is possible that their views are somewhat outdated and that they are not fully aware of the advantages of educating girls or of paying sufficient attention to you.

It is hoped that the individual in question will be able to let go, forgive themselves, and forgive their parents for neglecting them in the past, given that they are, after all, family.

It is often possible to communicate more effectively with one's parents, to express inner feelings, and to receive greater attention from them.

3. Divert one's attention and concentrate on alternative pursuits.

It is now possible to engage in alternative activities that will facilitate the gradual forgetting of the past, which is characterised by a lack of parental love.

☀️One may enhance one's qualifications through the pursuit of knowledge. Upon attaining a higher level of qualification, one may cultivate greater self-assurance and pursue more advantageous employment opportunities.

Once one has improved their circumstances through diligence and effort, it is likely that they will no longer dwell on past misfortunes, having embarked on a new and improved chapter of their life.

It is my hope that this response has been of some assistance to you.

I extend my best wishes to you.

There's a saying that I just love: "Seeing a familiar scene arouses emotions." It's so true! When we see another father doting on his daughter, it stirs up our longing to be doted on in the same way. And the stronger this longing, the stronger the experience of the lack will be. You'll experience a strong sense of grievance, and sometimes, you can't help but cry. But it's okay! It's all part of the journey.

♥Guess what! Everyone has a babyish part in them, and this part of you was activated when you saw that scene.

Our past experiences have shaped us into individuals who crave the comfort and care of others, even though we may appear to be independent adults.

♥ Different people respond to this situation in different ways, and that's a good thing! Some people dwell on complaining about others, like "He doesn't love me" or "He didn't give me what I wanted." Others dwell on self-pity, like "I'm not good enough" or "I can't do it."

The advice here is to stop complaining about others and stop attacking yourself. Instead, choose to grow yourself! Face the trials of life and grow your own skills.

If you need a little extra help, you can always reach out to a professional counselor. It's time to start growing yourself!

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We would love for you to join our book club to discuss "The Mindfulness Book of Self-Healing." This book shows how the incredible self-healing power of mindfulness can break through the inertia of over-brain development, successfully reduce stress, and become a way to be at ease in oneself.

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Hello, host! I'm July.

After reading your description, I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask. In this regard, I'd like to give you a hug in the four-dimensional space.

Based on the issues you brought up, I believe it's normal for you to have immediate thoughts. Why? Because your parents didn't treat you fairly, so you have a psychological gap. You think other fathers are great with their kids, and you'll wonder why your father didn't treat you the same way.

So, you start comparing yourself to others and wondering if you're worthy of your father's care and attention. In this regard, I'm here to give you a warm hug.

It's worth noting that there are many people in similar situations. Most family environments are like this. They don't receive proper treatment from their parents because their parents' previous education was limited, and they were unable to give their children what they didn't enjoy. In particular, your parents still value boys over girls. These ideas have also been passed down from the previous generation, but they're not your problem. The problem lies with this sick society. So, take your time, because you now know your own problems, so it will be easier to solve them.

In this regard, I have also put together a few tips to help you deal with the current situation. I hope they'll be useful for you.

(1) It's not your fault if you feel unloved. The problem lies with the person who loves you. Maybe your father feels you don't need love and that you've grown up, so he doesn't show much concern or care for you.

(2) Parents are also new parents, so it's possible to accept some of their natural shortcomings. Parents are actually very difficult to change, so in a sense, we can change our attitudes and ideas first.

(3) You deserve love, but you have to learn to love yourself first. It's hard to be loved by others if you don't love yourself.

(4) You should also feel more secure because you approve of yourself. So try to give yourself more positive suggestions to adjust your current state.

(5) At twenty-five, you can fall in love and do the things you like. There's no need to limit yourself to a particular thing. Everyone has different plans, so there's no point in evaluating yourself based on the path everyone else is taking.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Wishing you the best!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

I see you're feeling down, so I'm here to give you a hug. I know your dad treats you differently from your brother, and it's made you feel sad because you feel like your needs have always been ignored. So now when you see other dads showering their daughters with attention, you think of your own upbringing and feel sad about it.

Many people have had this kind of growth experience. And nowadays, people say they are enlightened, but they are still influenced by these old ideas and concepts. This is the idea of son preference and male superiority. Boys and girls are all their children, so why is the treatment of girls so different from that of boys? It's because the old idea has always been that when parents grow old, they have to rely on their sons to support them, and that when their daughters grow up and marry, they will become someone else's family. No matter how well they are trained, they are only helping someone else.

I don't like it when people say things like that. When I find out that someone around me values boys over girls, I get pretty defensive. I also experienced being treated like this during my growth process, so I know how it feels to be treated differently. I remember when I was a child, my mother often told me, "You're the older sister, you have to let your younger brother go. If your younger brother cries, it's your fault..." No matter whose fault it was, the result was always that I got beaten up.

Don't take your parents' mistakes personally.

When parents show favoritism towards boys, it's because they were taught to favor boys over girls during their upbringing. They can't escape the influence of their caregivers or the wrong ideas they come into contact with. They even pass down these wrong ideas and behaviors, affecting the questioner's generation. This shows that they are unable to change themselves and don't think they need to change.

If someone doesn't realize they need to change, no one else can change the situation. The questioner was hurt by her father's differential treatment. She still feels emotional when she sees this situation as an adult because she knows she can't change her father. She'll never get the picture she wants, and that might be a regret.

Parents' education may have a big impact on us, but the responsibility lies with them, not us. We shouldn't blame our parents for their mistakes, so it's important to distinguish between ourselves and our parents. I am me first, and I am their daughter.

It's important to learn to separate the subject.

Parents are the people who are closest to us as we grow up. It can be really tough for parents and kids to learn to separate from each other. If we can't learn to do that, we'll always be affected by our parents' mistakes. We can't choose our parents, but we can choose our own lives. Once we know how our parents' bad education has hurt us, we can face it and then try to get rid of their bad education.

There's a saying that the true success of a parent's love is to let the child become independent as soon as possible. Since parents can't do it, we need to learn to do it ourselves. I'd recommend the books "Why Family Hurts" and "It's Not Your Fault" to the original poster. They introduce the harm that the original family has caused and suggest ways to heal. Learning is a great way to heal.

☀ Consider making some changes to yourself.

If you want to make changes in your life, you may first need to face the harm that your original family has caused you, admit the limitations that your original family has brought to you, and all the emotions that it has brought to you. The process of change will be difficult, but please give yourself time and confidence. Even if others help you, they can only provide assistance. Only by truly relying on yourself can you achieve better results.

The best way to feel secure is to love yourself. Learn to love yourself and some abilities will come naturally. Start by slowly loving yourself in life. It might seem simple, but it's not. For example, eat three meals a day on time, add clothes when it gets cold, express yourself when you notice your emotions, and see and meet your own needs. Once you realise that the sense of security you give yourself is actually so simple, you can also gain a sense of security from elsewhere.

Here are some ways to gain a sense of security:

1. Focus on yourself: We may have been treated differently during our growth process, which can affect us in ways that cause us to ignore our own needs and always think of others. These emotions won't disappear on their own. We can only face things and solve them to make the emotions disappear. If the father can't give the questioner the love they want, we can reduce that expectation and let ourselves have lower expectations. This way, the questioner can shift the focus to themselves, for example, paying attention to what they want and what methods they can use to obtain it.

2. Rebuild attachment: When we're young, we form an attachment with our caregivers. Once that's done, even if our parents have hurt us, we still don't want to leave them. To change this wrong attachment, we can try to find a secure attachment partner, learn from them, and slowly change ourselves. This will also allow us to raise our next generation in a secure way.

3. Boost your confidence: Because of the differences in treatment during the growth process, you might wonder if there's something about you that's not good enough, or if your parents only treat you this way because you're not good enough. Either way, it can lead to low self-esteem. We all need to feel secure, and it's important to enhance your confidence, play to your strengths, increase your hobbies, and make your life more exciting and fulfilling. When you do that, you'll see the glowing self. When you're confident enough, a sense of security will follow.

I hope this helps answer the question. Best regards.

It's all good. Many people don't understand me. Everything has two sides. There can't be just one answer.

You have a younger brother, which is good. When your parents grow old, you and your siblings can take care of each other. Don't be fooled by appearances. Sisters are related by blood. I can see my sister's good qualities. I envy you for having such a brother.

Your brother will never be a martial arts master. Brothers and sisters often hate each other, but they cherish their bond when they grow up. You just want your father's love. You're not balanced in your heart. You're troubled and sad.

Why do I say this?

People have always thought men were superior to women. As society develops, we are also equal, but the old concept of men being superior to women is still around. What's the difference?

My brother grew up rich, while we grew up poor. You're the oldest, so your dad can't educate you both. I'm tired. This will pass. Talk to your dad. He'll love you again and support you. You didn't owe him less than you gave your brother.

All parents are the same. You need to be self-reliant and self-motivated. You need to be rational and calm. Your parents are already at this age, and it's not something that can be changed quickly.

If you are smart and wise, your speaking skills may change your parents. It is normal that your parents will not suddenly change drastically because their environment, education, knowledge, and values cannot change the facts. What you can do is just have a small influence. Do our essential work well, be happy and healthy, be ourselves, learn to choose and refuse, but not to learn to be content with compromises. Do you understand?

Use the word "refuse" when faced with something you consider unreasonable. Strengthen yourself in knowledge and psychology, including controlling your emotions. Improve, be open-minded, enthusiastic, and motivated. Demand more of yourself and advance towards your goal step by step.

You must move forward after you become independent. Look farther with your eyes, at the big world. I wish my friend, "It is better to rely on yourself than to beg for help. Think about yourself to become stronger." "Be calm when you are successful. Watch the flowers bloom and fall in the courtyard. Be free to go or stay. Watch the clouds roll in the sky." I wish you success!