If you can see what love will become after it has grown dull, should you continue?

Based on the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner is currently experiencing a state of confusion and internal conflict. The questioner himself has formed an expectation of what married life might entail, which may not align with the desires of the other party. This has led to uncertainty regarding the continuation of the relationship.

The questioner finds enjoyment in the sweet moments of a relationship, such as watching movies and eating together, as well as having someone to share their joys and sorrows with. However, when the two of you are at home together, each engaged in individual pursuits, you may have to address a multitude of trivial household matters or encounter concerns that may be beyond her understanding, with her hobbies potentially not aligning with yours. This experience has led you to anticipate that this may be how your married life will be like, which has the potential to shake your determination and confidence in continuing the relationship.

The individual in question experiences the positive aspects of romantic love, yet simultaneously encounters difficulties in adapting to the practicalities of married life. They exhibit a state of internal conflict and confusion, questioning whether their expectations are excessive and their standards too high.

It is not uncommon to encounter two contrasting sayings regarding marriage: "Marriage is the grave of love" and "Marriage is a besieged city, those inside want to get out, and those outside want to get in." These sayings may resonate with the anticipated dynamics of a particular marriage. The evolution of love within a marriage can be conceptualized as traversing four distinct stages: the honeymoon period, the disgust period, the conflict period, and the stability period.

From the questioner's description, it can be seen that the questioner is currently in the transition period between the honeymoon period and the disgust period. Both the sweetness of being in love and a certain degree of disgust are present. However, regardless of whom the questioner falls in love with, if we do not make an effort to manage the disgust and conflict periods, we will never be able to enter the fourth stage. This is because the questioner will never be able to appreciate the two people becoming one through mutual tolerance, understanding, encouragement, and support. If the two people are truly willing to open up to each other and become one with each other to solve the difficulties and challenges of life, they can work hard together for a beautiful life.

Should the questioner and their partner successfully navigate the aforementioned four stages, it would be an auspicious outcome. The questioner would then be regarded as the closest and most significant individual in the relationship. This would render the questioner akin to a lifelong family member with a romantic attachment.

The question of whether the questioner is willing and able to successfully navigate these four stages with their current partner may require a collaborative effort on the part of both parties.

Hello. I'd like to offer you a hug, if that's okay with you.

After reading your question, I had a thought that might be a bit unconventional. I'm not sure if it's something I should share, but I feel it might be helpful to at least mention it.

I recognize that this may be a sensitive topic, but I feel compelled to share my perspective, regardless of its appropriateness. I acknowledge that my views may come across as arrogant, but I believe they are based on a genuine desire to contribute to the discussion.

I wonder if I can see the future of a relationship that has grown stale, and whether I should continue to be in love or get married. But as the saying goes, the end of life is death. Since the end is already predetermined, there is no exception.

I realize this question may be seen as extreme and could potentially lead to offense. Please accept my apologies if this is the case.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that what is often most important is not the result, but the process. I also believe that there is not just one way to go about it, and that everyone can find their own path.

It might be said that, just as with love and marriage, love is an instinct, but that how to love and how to manage a marriage is a skill that needs to be learned.

I'm not sure about your current relationship status, but the way you describe marriage or what it's like after the passion has faded seems quite representative. However, it's important to note that this doesn't necessarily reflect the experience of everyone.

As we often say, it would be interesting to know how many people have divorced and what the divorce rate is. However, the flip side of the data is that more people are still in marriage and more people are happy in marriage.

You may be wondering what you can do to ensure your marriage will be happy.

As the saying goes, it's important to be a good person and find a good person. This is a key ingredient for a happy marriage. What is often overlooked is that marriage requires management and love necessitates a certain amount of compromise. This is a complex science, so it's wise not to let your imagination run away with you.

Ultimately, the kind of life you lead is your own choice. In a marriage, it is a dance between two people, and it cannot be achieved by the efforts of just one person.

While you may not be able to change the other person, you can certainly influence them. If all else fails, you always have the option of divorce.

From your question, it seems that you have some reservations about your future love and marriage life, but I'm not quite sure what the underlying reasons might be.

You have mentioned that you have studied psychology and received psychological counseling, which suggests that you are aware of the unique rules that govern the mind. While change can undoubtedly be challenging, it is not an insurmountable obstacle.

It would be unfair to say that you are greedy. We all have dreams of finding love and marriage like that of a fairy tale. However, you seem to have a somewhat pessimistic outlook.

I'm not sure if you should continue, and I'm curious about the source of your concerns. Are they based on imagination or on how you interact with others in the moment?

If it's just a fantasy, there's no need to worry. After all, you don't know what kind of person you'll meet, and you can only react to each situation as it arises.

If it's about the current relationship, it might be helpful to examine the reasons. If there's a problem, it's always good to find a way to solve it. It's important not to rush to admit defeat.

In short, while life may not always be straightforward, it's important not to lose hope. We are all adults and should take responsibility for our own actions.

I am a psychological counselor who experiences a range of emotions, including periods of depression and moments of optimism. I have a deep love and appreciation for the world and for you.

Hello, host. I'm Mi Duo, a listening therapist at Yixinli.

After reading your question and looking carefully at your description, I think if we could always see what love will be like in the future, it seems that we would lose interest in it. At the same time, this future state happens to be something we are not willing to accept, something we don't like. In this situation, of course, we will be very confused. It seems that the future life is no longer the way we want it to be. Should we continue this relationship?

When we feel like we've got a handle on the future, we keep going. If we don't, we feel like we're being greedy and that we can't have it all. A lot of people tell us to find a balance in life, using these same words.

Is it really possible to have it all? Perhaps not. We all want something more perfect, something better, something that suits us better, people, things, relationships we like, and the state we long for to appear in our lives.

We're all just chasing our ideal life. This may be the main reason why most people, if not all, living in this world work hard and give it their all!

Who doesn't want a better result?

At the same time, everyone likes to meet their own needs, and we also have our own vision of the future. So what can we do now to achieve this vision of the future?

First, if you want to have a long talk with your partner, you might want to think about finding something you both like to talk about together.

Secondly, if we want our own space and don't want some of our private things to be touched, do we have to maintain a certain distance in life? This distance may allow us to respect and appreciate each other.

Ultimately, everyone's ideal state of life is something they create for themselves, not something that's handed to them by another person. If other people can give us the life we want, it's only because their ideas align with ours. But there's no guarantee that your partner's ideas will apply to you, and you might not even like them. When it comes to love, marriage, and many other relationships in life, it's not just about sincerity and dedication. It's also about both people putting in the joint effort.

The world might be small or it might be big. Either way, we need to make the most of every encounter. The future isn't set in stone. I believe that we can all make a difference by working hard and pursuing our goals. In this change, we can appreciate the beauty, the existence, and the value.

This might be what the present moment is all about.

Finally, I just wanted to thank you for meeting with me. I really appreciate it. And if you ever need to talk, you know you can find me.

I'm a good listener. If you need me, I'm here for you!

I can totally relate to your question! I can see how your relationship with your partner is making you feel conflicted and miserable.

I can see you're having a tough time. I'm here to support you. I'm wondering if you're thinking about whether to continue this relationship? It might be worth thinking about what your future life might look like.

Take a closer look at how you and your partner got to where you are now. You were so sweet in the early days of your acquaintance!

Psychologically, having a partner means having someone to confide in about the joys and sorrows of life, and life becomes more interesting. This is a common feature of all good relationships, and it's so important to have someone you can share your experiences with!

From what you've told me, it's clear you had a wonderful time together before.

It can be really tough when you and your partner have different interests at home. It's not always easy to know what to say or ask for, and it can feel like what you want and what he wants are two different things.

As someone with 30 years of marriage experience, I can see that this is a common problem between men and women, not just between you two. There's a great book called "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" that talks about the differences between men and women.

This is totally normal! It's due to social culture and natural selection. Men and women receive different education and upbringing during their development.

Women often have a knack for noticing the little details in life and can multitask like champs! Men, on the other hand, tend to focus on the big picture and major events.

This is just one of those things that sets men and women apart!

Let's take a look at the pattern of your relationship. It's important to note that you say he will refuse to do what you ask him to do. I know this feeling of being rejected is very uncomfortable for you.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not being accepted and respected, especially when it comes to love and belonging. We all need that, and it's okay to feel this way.

It's only natural to want love and belonging, and to want to be respected.

So, take a look at the demands you have placed on her. If not, it's really just a matter of psychological boundaries.

He has his boundaries, you have yours, and then the two of you have the parts that overlap. This is the best way to get along, my friend!

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but falling in love is simply a matter of following your heart. No matter how passionate and splendid a love affair is, it will eventually calm down after marriage.

The romance in marriage is in the daily grind, my friend.

People often use fireworks to describe love. It's a beautiful image, isn't it? Just imagine the moment fireworks bloom — it's truly magnificent!

But, as we all know, fireworks are easily extinguished. And after such extreme brilliance, they must return to silence.

Love is like a passionate rush, but marriage is like a fine wine. It needs time to mature and to keep on fermenting in your life.

It's so important to be tolerant and accommodating of each other. As you do this, you'll gradually find a way of getting along that's comfortable for both of you while still allowing you to maintain your individual independence.

A happy marriage is made through hard work. Tolstoy said in Anna Karenina that happiness is similar for everyone, but we all have our own challenges to face.

I really do believe this is the truth.

You also mentioned whether you are a perfectionist. We all have that human instinct to pursue beauty.

It's only natural to want to feel good in relationships all the time. But remember, life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.

It's so important to remember that there will always be shadows under the sun.

I really hope this helps!

Hello. I'm a heart coach. I'll listen to your story with warmth and compassion.

I understand your feelings. When love and romance fade and you enter into marriage, you're left with mundane tasks. Your romantic fantasies about perfect love seem to have vanished.

You deserve a love and marriage that provides material satisfaction and spiritual resonance. You want a soul mate, someone who understands you and is in harmony with you. A single glance or gesture is enough for the other person to understand.

The perfect love only exists in stories. This tells us that the ordinary is true.

Life requires love, and love requires romance. For those of us who are struggling to make ends meet, we must find a way to fulfill our spiritual needs in a mundane marriage.

There are three elements to perfect love.

A perfect love/marriage requires intimacy, passion, and commitment. These three elements are non-negotiable.

Passion is often more intense in the early stages of love, while intimacy and commitment grow stronger after marriage.

The feeling of "holding hands," "husband and wife by day, brothers by night," the passion subsides, and what remains is more of a family-like emotion.

If we don't know how to express our love, marriage can feel like a waste. The book The Five Languages of Love explains why expressing love is crucial for intimate relationships and marital emotions.

Let's revisit the stages of intimacy to help you release your expectations for marriage and your partner. By combining the "three elements of a perfect relationship," you can assess the state of your own marriage and "fill in the gaps" accordingly.

The attraction period is when two people are drawn to each other because of their personalities, appearances, and qualities.

This is an attraction that drives the two parties together.

2. Appreciation period: This is when you see the good in the other person because of hormonal influences. It's called the "halo effect."

The habituation period is a long-term stage where love transforms into affection, and the two partners become accustomed to each other's good and bad points.

It's undeniable that love can be exhausting. The fairy-tale love of Mr. and Mrs. Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang, which everyone envies, was also maintained by the efforts of both parties.

4. Expectation period: We always expect the other person to change in ways we don't like. (We've let our expectations of romantic love fall by the wayside.)

5. Disappointment period: Subtle changes occur in the relationship. When hopes are not met, hope turns to disappointment; the relationship changes from positive to negative; as disappointment accumulates, the relationship becomes worse and worse.

If your marriage is becoming dull, you can take action to repair intimacy.

1. Speak up and express your feelings.

You must connect on a feeling level to achieve intimacy.

Expressing your feelings is the best way to create intimacy. Set aside time for the two of you, time when no one will disturb you. Take a walk holding hands, reminisce about the past, and imagine the future. Every moment can be romantic.

2. Never complain.

If your hopes are not fulfilled, you can demand what you want. Complaining will only lead to frustration.

Behind every complaint is a hidden unmet need.

3. Take off your armor.

Take off your armor in front of your loved ones. Intimacy means having no fear in front of the other person.

"Many people wrongly believe that the purpose of marriage is to find a rational other half to make themselves a 'complete person'. They want to use marriage as a way to deal with their own incompleteness and things they cannot solve independently. In reality, they can only end up in discord." - "Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup."

Furthermore, learning is about making our lives happier and more fulfilling. I'm pleased to see that you're also engaging with psychology. There are regular patterns to the development of things, and it is precisely because we understand these patterns that we can change the direction of their development.

For example, there are the "three elements of love" and the "stages of intimacy." Once we understand the rules, we can reflect on our relationships and marriages in a targeted manner and make the necessary changes.

Test your learning to see if it has been effective.

1. You are more energetic, happier, and more vital than before.

2. You must have become more open to choices in life.

3. You must take responsibility.

4. You must pay more attention to overall balance when you think about things and act.

5. You are more action-oriented.

Growing up is a process of change that makes you mature. You don't have to use what you've learned to demand things from others. Open your heart to accept and embrace more people and things.

Growing up is a process of continuous intellectual improvement, a process of continuous expansion of one's mind, and a process of continuous acceptance.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you, and I love you and the world.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good day, questioner.

From your description, it can be inferred that if you could foresee your life with your partner after things have settled down, you would not want to meet again. This suggests that you may be experiencing difficulties in your current relationship, or that you feel your life is becoming less exciting, prompting you to seek the passionate days of the past.

The original poster has studied psychology and should be aware of the typical stages of romantic love. These stages typically include passion, intimacy, commitment, and so on. It seems that you are currently in the emotional adjustment period, during which you may encounter difficulties in addressing the issues that arise in a relationship. For instance, you may find it challenging to come up with a mutually acceptable solution to your preferences, or the other person may have difficulty meeting your emotional needs.

This is a process that will be experienced by all individuals in a relationship and will manifest in various forms of conflict. Over time, relationships may become less vibrant and characterized by these issues. Prior to marriage, it is essential to recognize the significance of compatibility in values and the ability to reach a consensus on matters of disagreement.

In your description, you and the other person discuss an issue, but the other person consistently rejects your opinion. The other person desires to view your phone, which causes you discomfort. This is due to the lack of a clearly defined boundary between the two of you. Mature individuals possess an awareness of boundaries. You have the right to express your needs and rejections, but you must also comprehend that genuine feelings are rooted in respect, equality, acceptance, and trust in the other person. Only when two individuals trust each other, understand each other, and respect each other will the relationship endure over time.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you.

Comfort the OP from afar.

The poster's description is as follows:

I am a 30-year-old male.

At first, life was exciting. I really enjoyed it.

When you're stuck at home with no entertainment, just housework, work, and daily chores, it's uncomfortable.

For example, you discuss something with your partner, but they refuse for no reason. You want to talk to them about spirituality, music, and feelings, but they only care about food, cosmetics, and clothing.

You have something you want to tell your partner, but they're too busy watching TV to pay attention.

You don't want to show your phone to your partner, but they insist on seeing it.

I've always tried to convince myself that my view of the future is wrong, but the facts prove otherwise.

The questioner's doubts are misguided.

You know you and your partner don't like the same way of life. So, should you continue the relationship?

Words to the OP

The OP states that when passion fades, the mundane nature of life is unappealing. This is simply a fact of life.

If you don't want to be in a relationship anymore, you can just break up casually.

You can get divorced casually after getting married.

You can't abandon your wife and children on a whim when you have children.

You need to decide whether you're going to give up your career because you don't like it anymore.

As a man, you must be able to handle the pressure that life throws at you, and you must also take on the responsibilities that come with it.

The other person only cares about cosmetics, clothing, and food, just like you only want to talk to him about your musical feelings. You are quite similar.

The difference is that you have different interests.

We are all individuals, and while we may have our own favorite hobbies, we must accept the interests of others if we want our lives to be more colorful.

In relationships, especially in love, you must accept some things about the other person.

If you only choose to like some of the things you like because of your own preferences, you're not being loving. You're being selfish.

The other person wants to watch TV series and doesn't want to listen to you, and the other person wants to look at your phone. This is normal.

The other person is checking your phone because they care about you.

She doesn't want you to have contact with other members of the opposite sex, and she doesn't want you to hide anything from her.

The original poster's final sentence is:

You know the thought is wrong, yet you keep verifying its occurrence.

There is a term in psychology called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You predict something to yourself and then look for evidence to support your prediction. The question owner is only willing to see what he wants to see, rather than actively discovering the other beauty in life.

Hello! It's clear you have questions. You're eager for a relationship, enjoy the world of two people, and feel that you have a companion by your side. However, after getting to know each other, you realize that life is not the ideal state you had hoped for. So, you begin to doubt yourself, wondering if you are asking too much.

"You discuss something with the other person, but they refuse for no reason. You want to talk about spirituality, music, and feelings with the other person, but they only care about food, cosmetics, and clothing. You want to talk to the other person about unhappy things, but they are busy watching TV and ignore you. You don't want to show the other person your phone, but they insist on seeing it." These are the facts of your relationship. From this simple description, I can tell that you are in a low position in the relationship, which means that you are not being treated equally.

The most important prerequisite for a close relationship is "reciprocity." Unequal relationships simply don't last. It depends on how much endurance one party has.

You can't stand it anymore, and the relationship has already made you uncomfortable. You need to stop blaming yourself and start taking control.

You lack confidence. You may have been neglected in the past, but you need to learn to express your needs and refuse others. You can't express your feelings and thoughts, and you don't take the initiative in this relationship.

You must stop blaming the other person and start taking responsibility for your own feelings.

You should consider the following questions:

1. You need to ask yourself why you're with her. What are the qualities in her that attract you the most?

Name the worst things about her. Be honest with yourself. Can you put up with the discomfort in the relationship for the things that attract you about her?

2. You need to figure out what kind of intimacy you want. What are your core needs in an intimate relationship?

3. List the ways you think two people should get along.

4. Do you often feel that the other person is superior to you? How do you handle it?

Dare to refuse and express your dissatisfaction. Why?

5. If you often feel uncomfortable in this relationship, but can't leave, you need to figure out why.

6. If you want to improve your current relationship, you must break through yourself and express it bravely. You need to make some substantial changes.

You may be ignored, but you know what you need. It's not just about eating and going to the movies. You have a rich inner world, and you need emotional support and comfort. When a relationship can't meet your core needs and there are things you can't stand, you know what to do.

I am Mingyang, and I love the world!

Good day, question asker.

I am Intern Meow, a listener with a background in psychology.

It is evident that you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, particularly during this seemingly dull period. You express a desire for a relationship where you can share the joys and sorrows of life with your partner. However, it appears that there is a lack of mutual understanding and a discrepancy in the level of interest in sharing these experiences.

The subsequent period represents a phase of adjustment following the initial stages of romantic attachment. During this phase, individuals may seek to establish a more profound connection with their partner.

[Running-in period]

In the initial stages of the relationship, both partners are likely to experience a profound sense of love and admiration for one another. During this period, it is common for individuals to present themselves in a manner that is perceived as understanding and supportive, while also striving to portray their partner as an idealized figure.

Following an initial period of enthusiasm, the couple will begin to reveal their true natures. It appears that the conversation will suddenly shift, and their preferences will diverge. Additionally, the reality of daily life, with its inherent challenges and trivialities, will inevitably affect the couple's relationship, potentially leading to the emergence of new conflicts.

The relationship is characterized by a shift from a passionate enthusiasm to a more straightforward and unassuming lifestyle.

In the initial stages of the relationship, the male partner will endeavor to exemplify composure, tolerance, and benevolence, whereas the female partner will strive to exemplify virtue and consideration.

As the couple matures and their relationship deepens, the male partner may become less attentive to minor details, while the female partner may become less inclined to feign virtue and instead prioritize her own needs and interests. This shift reflects the transition from the warmth and excitement of the honeymoon phase to a more stable and trusting relationship.

At this juncture, there is a shift in perception from an external to an internal perspective.

Over time, the search for the ideal restaurant for a romantic dinner gives way to considerations such as appropriate attire based on the weather. As the relationship progresses, individuals move from being strangers to acquaintances, gaining insights into each other's idiosyncrasies and personalities.

The capacity to tolerate and understand each other is crucial at this juncture, as it can foster closeness in the relationship. However, if this is lacking, it may lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

From the aforementioned statements, it can be inferred that there is a discrepancy in the level of interest between the two parties. While one is inclined to engage in discussions pertaining to spirituality, music, and feelings, the other is primarily focused on food, cosmetics, and clothing. Additionally, there is a lack of mutual understanding and communication, which has led to a situation where one party feels the need to confide in the other but is met with indifference. Furthermore, there is a sense of unease and discomfort when it comes to sharing personal information, yet the other party is insistent on viewing one's phone.

It is important to note that at this juncture, the female partner may also be experiencing heightened cognitive activity. This is evidenced by the fact that, just as the male partner may perceive rejection, the female may be entertaining the notion that he no longer loves her. This may manifest as prolonged periods of staring at her phone and a lack of responsiveness to his advances.

It would be prudent to cultivate a topic or hobby that both parties are comfortable with.

For instance, when the female partner is concerned about food, cosmetics, and clothing, one can engage in discourse about the suitability of various forms of makeup for specific occasions, the appropriateness of particular attire for certain social settings, or the emotional resonance of a particular drama and its association with past experiences.

As the two of you interact more frequently, your relationship will organically evolve without your conscious awareness. Following an increase in communication, the girl's feelings of insecurity will diminish, and she will begin to monitor your phone usage.

Due to the frequency of interactions and the nature of these interactions, it becomes possible to discern the other person's thoughts.

While life may be perceived as mundane, the manner in which one approaches it can be intriguing.

The notion that one cannot have one's cake and eat it too is a misnomer. Being together is neither fish nor fowl; it is a process of learning to tolerate, understand, and accept each other.

In a romantic relationship, it is important to maintain a sense of self-compassion and acceptance of the other person's shortcomings and preferences. This entails demonstrating respect and trust in the relationship, which can be achieved by addressing each other with consideration and understanding.

It is only through such a process that a relationship can be sustained over time and evolve to a deeper level.

It's a bit of a philosophical question!

I can relate to this concern. Who doesn't want that initial beauty and freshness?

Some people actively look for new relationships to achieve this "dynamic balance," while others hope for the next person to be the "right one." It seems like the questioner has a good understanding of themselves.

Ultimately, it depends on what you want at this stage. There's no right or wrong answer; it just represents your current view of relationships. It's also normal for two people to eventually become complacent in their relationship, but it's not a foregone conclusion. Most importantly, the emotional journey experienced along the way is different for everyone. Intimacy brings not only hassle and shackles, but also growth and insight. Sometimes, things will only develop in the direction we pay attention to. Switching a perspective, changing a mindset, and maybe everything will be different.

And then there's this: people change; how you view relationships and intimacy also changes. The interesting thing about relationships is that they are an interactive experience, and there's no way to predict how they'll end.

My advice is to give it a go and see what happens, or stick with what you know and avoid any potential problems. It's just another choice in life. :)

Thanks for the exchange. Best wishes!