I'm 12 years old, and my parents are getting a divorce. What should I do?

Hello, my dear child! I am Jiang 61, and I'm so grateful you've put your trust in us.

I can see that you are a very sensible and well-behaved child who thinks of others. There are very few children your age who are so thoughtful and capable of doing this. So, I feel even more distressed for you and give you a hug.

After reading your account, I want to tell you:

1. About death

1⃣️, you can't solve the problem you want to solve by dying, sweetheart.

You were so happy when you said your parents got along well. I can see why you'd want to live with your mom now that they're getting divorced.

But Dad has money, and you and your brother are both doing poorly at school, so he can pay for private tuition. Mom? Unfortunately, there's not enough money to pay for private tuition.

My dear child, you think you can't afford to support you and your brother. You're facing a difficult problem and you're looking for a solution.

My dear child, I'm afraid I have to tell you that if you do that, it won't solve your problem.

I know this is a tough situation, but I want to explain why I think you're wrong. When the court decides who should have custody of you, it will also consider the financial situation of both parties. It's possible that it won't award you and your brother to your mother at the same time.

I know this is a tough situation, but even if the court allows you to stay with your mother, it will also require your father to pay part of your maintenance until you reach adulthood.

In that case, your dad will also help you with your education. It's the law, and your dad will never ask for anything in return for your death.

So I said that you have to solve the financial problems of your mother's upbringing, and the only way to do this is through legal means. I'm sure you understand that your death won't solve this problem.

2⃣️, sweetie, your death will only make your poor mother feel guilty.

You think that if you die, your mother will be able to support your younger brother. It may be as you think, or it may be even worse.

I'm sure you'd agree that your mother is already under a lot of stress, and your death would only make her feel even more guilty. It's so important to support her through this, as her worrying will only affect her work and therefore her ability to support you and your brother financially. I'm sure you'd agree that death is too simple an act to make things better.

3⃣️, death is a sign of cowardice.

The thing is, the problem you and your brother face is learning difficulties. But if you can find a way to improve your learning ability, you can truly solve your learning problems.

And you know what? Death is just an attempt to escape from the reality of learning problems, which is a cowardly act.

Secondly, try to be as strong as you can be.

1⃣️, Learning to be strong is the greatest help you can give your mother.

After a divorce, it's not just your mom who needs to take care of you — she also has to take care of your studies. It's a lot to handle, especially since there's no dad around to help. But you've got this! You're learning to be stronger, take better care of yourself, and become more resilient. You're also improving your ability to survive and your learning skills. This way, your mom can spend less time worrying about these things and more time focusing on the things adults should do. You're giving her a huge helping hand!

2. Improved ability

Let's talk about how you can improve your learning ability! The first step is to identify any learning problems you may have. This could be anything from reading comprehension to problem-solving skills. It doesn't matter if it's a big problem or something small, just focus on identifying it. Then, you can start working on a solution!

And guess what? Your learning ability will improve!

You'll also find that your self-care abilities improve. You'll learn to do things for yourself, so that your mother doesn't have to worry about you.

It's so important to help your mother with some of the housework and take on some of the burden in her life. Not only does it help her, but it also improves your own life skills!

You'll be amazed at how much your ability to survive will improve! Never give up in the face of difficulties, and learn to solve the problems you encounter. You've got this!

3⃣️, love yourself!

Life has taught you so many wonderful things, including how to love yourself. When you love yourself, you can truly appreciate the beauty of life and have the amazing ability and opportunity to love others.

To love yourself is to appreciate all that you have, including your precious life. To love yourself is to be kind to yourself first, and to never give up on yourself.

Love yourself means daring to say and do what you want. Don't waste any of those wonderful opportunities that come your way every day. Make yourself stronger!

I really hope you can live your life to the fullest and have a wonderful time doing it. I love you lots, Jiang 61.

My child, I can tell you love your mother very much and are even willing to give everything you have for her.

But if something happened to you, how would you make sure your mother and younger brother were taken care of?

Life can be tough, but there are always more solutions than problems.

If the family has money, they can live a rich life. If they don't, they can live a frugal life.

What really matters is being together as a family.

If you were to leave the family, your mother would blame herself, and your brother would be lonely.

As long as the family can stay together, it doesn't matter if you go to cram school or not. And good grades aren't the only way out.

What we really need is the companionship of our loved ones, not material things.

From a legal standpoint, if you live with your mother, your father is responsible for paying for your education and living expenses.

You don't have to risk your life, but you need to fully support your mother and help her get what she's owed financially.

You can also get help from lawyers, social services, and your mother's relatives and friends. Don't give up just because your father isn't doing what he should.

You're not a burden. You're the most precious family member to your mother and brother.

Your goal isn't to leave this world. It's to be with your mother and younger brother, to face the difficulties together and solve them together.

Take care of yourself, for example by looking after your own body and your own studies. Only when you take care of yourself will your mother not be distracted.

Let the adults handle the grown-up stuff.

Of course, if there are other trusted elders who can provide you with help, such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles, they are also a valuable resource.

You've got this!

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through. You're only 12 years old and have to deal with so many difficult issues, as well as worrying about your mother and younger brother. You're willing to sacrifice yourself, and I admire that. I'm here for you if you need anything.

It seems like mom and dad's marriage is in trouble. They seem to have some irreconcilable conflicts between them. They're unable to handle their marriage relationship and cannot maintain a good relationship. Whether or not to continue this marriage depends on their willingness. Whether or not mom and dad continue to maintain their marriage is to maximize the interests of the two people and for their respective happiness, which has nothing to do with you and your younger brother. I hope you don't have too much of a burden.

I can see that you're feeling anxious. When you're feeling down, I suggest talking to your mother or a trusted friend, or keeping a diary. You could also listen to music, go for a walk outdoors, or go for a run.

I can see that you're worried about who you and your younger brother will live with after the divorce. I can see that you want to stay with your mother, but you're worried that she'll have a heavy burden. You're very sensible and consider your mother's situation. I want to tell you that after a couple divorces, the parents still have the obligation to support their children. If you and your younger brother stay with your mother, your father will still need to pay regular child support. So don't worry too much about the financial situation. This is a problem that your mother can consider, and it's also a problem that your parents need to negotiate when deciding to divorce.

Divorce means division, and everyone's interests will be lost. I believe your parents will handle it with care, and it won't progress that quickly. Don't be too anxious. Take care of yourself and your younger brother, and let your parents have the time and energy to deal with their problems. That would be very good.

I can see that you're worried about your studies. Of course, studying is very important. If you encounter difficulties, you can ask your teachers for help, communicate with them about your problems, study with classmates who get along well in class, set goals that are suitable for you, and take things slowly step by step. Find your strengths and areas of expertise. As long as you work hard, you will definitely reap the rewards. Every little bit of progress is worth being affirmed, so you must have confidence in yourself.

There are lots of communities on Yixinli where you can chat about how you're feeling. There are also lots of experienced people and friends who have been through similar things and can offer support and advice.

I hope you can get over your troubles soon. You must love yourself. You are very important, and you are most worthy of love because you are so sensible. Never think of hurting yourself again. Please feel free to ask questions at any time.

Hello sweet girl, I'm so sorry you have to face the challenges of life at such a young age. You're stronger than you know, and you can get through this. There are solutions to everything, and you must never hurt yourself.

You said that your mom is worried about you and your little brother, which is why she hasn't divorced your dad. It's clear that your mom loves you very much. So you just need to live your life well and get through the difficulties together with your mom. Besides, your mom will become stronger with your company.

I know you've been feeling pretty down lately. You're only 12, and it's tough when the adults in your life are having trouble getting along. But you're not to blame for that. I'm sure your folks will figure out a way to work through their issues and find a solution that works for everyone, including you and your brother. It might just be a temporary blip, and there's still a chance to smooth things over. Divorce isn't the end of the world. Even if they can't resolve it, there's always the law to fall back on. There's always hope! And remember, you've got to take care of yourself.

You also brought up the question of where you and your younger brother will live after your mom's divorce. The law says that children under two usually go to the mother.

For children over the age of two, the better-off parent will be given priority when it comes to raising children. This is great news for you! It means that your wish to live with your mother is very likely to be fulfilled. Even if you're over ten, you can decide who you want to live with.

My dear child, I can see that you are very worried about your mother's ability to support you. You are so sensible, considerate of others, and kind. I can understand why you feel this way, but I want you to know that you are loved and that there are ways to overcome these challenges.

I know your mom's income is temporarily low, which is a real problem. But don't be too pessimistic! First, the law says that if your mom takes care of your dad, she has to pay alimony.

Second, your mother can also learn to earn money, and by changing herself, she can take care of you. You can cheer her on and work together with her to overcome difficulties.

You also said that your family isn't great at studying, and it seems like you're not super confident in learning. I just wanted to say that there are ways to learn well! There are books and online articles that can teach you how to learn well, how to improve your interest and enthusiasm in learning, and so on.

So, don't worry! Learning problems and all other problems can be improved. We can pay more attention to the process of overcoming difficulties, encourage ourselves at any time, work hard and find solutions, and see an increasingly better self.

Hugging you, I hope to give you a little strength, and I truly believe that the pain of life will be resolved.

Hello, little girl.

You keep a close eye on everyone in the family. You love your mother and younger brother, but you're afraid of your father (deep down, you still have expectations and a longing for paternal love).

You're very thoughtful and considerate, always thinking of their every need. But your little sister wants to tell you: "The bitterness in your heart comes from your understanding."

"You were surprised to find that your parents aren't as close as they used to be.

It's not okay for your dad to hit your mom. Kids shouldn't have to deal with that kind of emotional pain.

You feel like you're responsible for your mom not getting a divorce and for making her suffer.

But whether they decide to get married, have a baby, or have a second child is something they'll discuss and decide as adults.

As a child, you need to know that you're an angel sent from heaven to them. You haven't ruined the happiness of your loved ones.

It all depends on how much they grow and understand each other.

If the parents can't live together, they can get a divorce. Legally, the father still has to support his minor children.

You're taking on a lot of responsibility, trying to protect and fulfill your mother! There are many ways to solve problems in this world, and some problems need to be solved and negotiated with the help of professionals, such as lawyers and mediators.

Your future is limitless, and to enjoy the benefits of a fulfilling and successful life, you need to keep learning. Take the present moment, for example. We know there are ways to overcome challenges in life.

There are lots of people in your life who can help you, like your older siblings who have chosen a profession. They can help us because they have acquired knowledge, social experience, and life experience.

You could even become someone who helps people in need and solves problems in the future.

You've had your share of setbacks, and your father has a bit of a temper, and your mother has her moments. But none of that is going to stop you from succeeding. You'll get back up and keep moving towards the bright sunshine.

You'll get lots of love and support from society.

I hope this letter can help you lighten the psychological burden you're carrying.

Keep up the good work!

Treat yourself first, and then you can help others.

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon of light. Whether you ask a question or answer one, your words can help to illuminate the hearts of many people. This is a power that we can all share.

Hello, sweetheart. I'm a heart coach. I'd like to give you a warm hug first. You really are a kind and simple good boy. There are more than three solutions to everything. Perhaps we could take a look at how to solve it together?

I hope you face the sun so that I can feel your positive, sunny, and optimistic attitude.

First and foremost, please do not fret over the prospect of you and your brother attending school. Regardless of whether your parents opt to divorce or remain together, the law does indeed safeguard the rights of minors.

For instance, you and your brother will look to your mother for guidance, and your father will also fulfill his responsibilities and obligations to raise you. At the very least, this will continue until you turn 18, which should provide sufficient time to address the issue of school fees.

At the same time, mothers love you. It is often said that "a mother is strong," and it is certainly true that mothers are often strong and independent. It is rare for anyone in this world to die of starvation; it is more common for people to die of laziness.

It would be wise to trust your mother and believe that her love for you is strong and unwavering.

If you were to jump into the river, who would be the most sad and upset? It might be your mother. Have you ever considered how difficult it is to give birth to a life?

When she was pregnant with you, it was a challenging time for her, and giving birth to you was a difficult experience.

If you love your mother, it would be wise to extend that love to yourself as well. It's important not to let yourself be hurt or give up so easily, because your mother's life and your life are connected.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember that your parents' marital problems are not your concern.

Everyone has their own life lessons to learn, just like you and your brother, who are primary school students and need to complete your primary school studies. I'm sure your mum and dad are studying at the university of society and will complete their studies in due course.

No matter what your father does to your mother or what your mother says to you, those are things they need to deal with on their own. The most important thing for you to do is to protect yourself and finish your studies.

Sometimes life can be compared to the journey to the West undertaken by the monk Xuanzang and his three disciples, where they had to overcome 81 trials before they could successfully cultivate their spiritual path. It might be helpful to view your parents, you, and your brother's situation in this way.

Take a moment to look up at the sky. You will see that the sun rises every day, just as it always has. You will also see that you have the power to rise to the occasion, just as the sun does each day.

I hope this has been helpful for you, and for the world. I love you.

If you would like to continue our dialogue, please click on the link entitled "Find a Coach," which you will find in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

It's so great that you're open to talking about your experiences growing up. It's totally normal to have some extreme thoughts, especially at this time. I'm here to help you calm down and regulate your emotions. I highly recommend that you call the crisis intervention hotline now, so that you can protect your life at this critical moment.

You are now 12 years old, at the beginning of puberty, and your emotions may become very complex and changeable. At this time, it is even more important to know exactly what you want. Although your parents' relationship is not very good, no matter what, this life must go on. There are advantages and disadvantages to whether you follow your father or your mother.

Life is full of possibilities and potential. If I follow my father's advice, he may not be as concerned, but he is rich, so he may not have too many problems with material things in life. If I follow my mother's advice, although I can be rich in the spiritual realm, I may become more constrained in the material realm. This is something you need to expect. We cannot have a perfect life, but we can have a great one!

Then it's time to choose the life you really want! It doesn't matter if you choose your father or your mother. Just be comfortable with whatever happens. Your parents may also be in this situation because their marriage is no longer working for various reasons.

It's clear that many couples choose to divorce after the college entrance exam or at a certain point because maintaining a marriage is really difficult. Everyone has different ideas and attitudes, everyone has their own living habits, and it's not that easy to be in love. Everyone has their temper, and if possible, we still have to make certain adjustments.

Let yourself make corresponding changes! We can't change the outside world, but we can change ourselves. Your father used to beat your mother when he was drunk. This is a kind of domestic violence, which obviously has affected your father and your mother's lives, and also caused some psychological trauma to you and your younger brother. At this time, it is best to let them divorce as soon as possible.

The great news is that marriage does not have to be complete, and a family does not have to be complete to be happy! It is precisely because your father has committed domestic violence, a situation that has touched people's bottom line, that he has to file for divorce. Both your father and your mother have their own flaws, but the choice to accept and adjust to what type of flaws is ultimately a matter of returning to the choice you should make.

You and your younger brother have the exciting opportunity to think carefully about which one to choose. While it may affect your later life, remember that there are billions of people in the world, and everyone's ultimate potential and destiny is still in their own hands!

We still have the amazing opportunity to study for ourselves and our own rise during the Mid-Autumn Festival!

I highly recommend that you take advantage of your school's free psychological counseling to motivate yourself and realize your own importance. Learning is key! The more you learn, the more ways you'll find out of your current situation. And you'll develop a resilient thinking plan that will help you to calm down and view your own state of life more comprehensively. As a professional heart exploration coach, I recommend that you read "Pain is Growth," "Your Body is the Beginning of All Good," "The Body Knows the Answer," and "Modern People Seeking the Soul." Come on!

ZQ!

Hello, I'm the place of peace.

Good boy, give you a hug. At just 12 years old, he's already experienced more than most people do in a lifetime. His young heart has suffered too much pain, helplessness, powerlessness, and even hopelessness.

There's no one to talk to, no one to understand, and no one to comfort.

I'm really grateful that you thought of the platform and wrote this letter, and I'm also grateful for the way things have worked out so that I've had the chance to meet you.

My dear child, none of this is your fault, so please promise me that you will never again consider taking your own life. As long as you are alive, there is hope.

You're still young, and your future is wide open. If you want it, if you believe in it, it'll happen.

Dad and mom used to get along really well, but recently, dad has been drinking and then beating mom.

I'd like to understand why Dad has changed so suddenly.

Has there been something going on at home or in his work life that's caused this change in his behavior?

Do you know about this? Has your mother told you about it?

Mum has always wanted a divorce. When did it all start? I thought Mum and Dad got along well.

I'd like to understand why your mother has such thoughts.

You're only 12, but you come across as a mature child in the letter. You've done a great job of weighing up the pros and cons of your parents' divorce. Well done!

I'm not sure if you have the chance to talk to your parents, especially your dad, or if he'll let you share your thoughts.

If you can, it would be a good idea to tell him your true thoughts and feelings.

I'd like to ask if there are any other elders in the family, like grandparents or other relatives. Do they know that Dad beats Mum when he drinks?

Do they know that their parents want to get a divorce?

I don't know why Dad's changed, so I can't give you any advice without knowing more. That would be irresponsible.

I just want to say that as a 12-year-old, you've done a great job. But you're only 12, and some things might not get resolved well just by relying on your own strength.

You can ask other relatives or social institutions for help. If your father is really abusing your mother for no reason, you can seek help from the authorities.

If it's eventually decided that Dad is responsible, even if Mom and Dad get divorced and you and your brother live with Mom, Dad is still required to support you. This means he has to pay child support and won't let Mom bear all the costs of your upbringing alone.

So don't worry, and please don't even think about taking your own life. I'm confident that things will work out, and you'll be better off in the end.

My dear child, I wish you all the best. The world and I love you.

Hello, sweetheart. I can see from what you've said that you're feeling anxious and sad because your parents are getting a divorce. Let me give you a big hug, and let's sit down and have a little chat.

Auntie can see that you are a very sensible child who knows how to consider others. Auntie is so proud of you!

You didn't ask your parents to stay together, but you're worried that you won't be able to afford tuition if you go to cram school with your mom in the future. Your dad is rich and your mom is poor, and you're worried that your mom won't earn enough to pay for your and your brother's tuition.

My child, you have every right to worry. It shows that you are a smart and far-sighted person that you can think about your future life!

But my dear child, do you know that? The money that your father and mother earned during their marriage is considered joint property, and when they divorce, the joint property is divided up. It doesn't just go to your father. At least half of your family's assets now belong to your mother. And, for minor children, the state stipulates that both parents have the obligation to support them. Even if you and your brother live with your mother in the future, your father is still obligated to pay support.

So, my dear child, you're not worrying about school fees in the future, are you?

I know this is a lot to think about, but I'm here to help. Take care of yourself, and if you can, it would be great if you could help your mom take care of your little brother!

You're only 12 years old, in middle school, and you're already such a good boy. I have every confidence in you!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and humble.

Don't worry about growing up.

It's sad to see you go through this at 12. We don't know how your parents will act or if they'll stay together. But you need to know the truth: they'll decide if they want to live together.

No matter what happens with your parents, they will always love you. So don't worry about money. Your father has to support you, and the law will protect you.

Dear child, your mother will always protect you and your brother. We are still children and cannot understand adult matters. Just protect yourself, and let's grow up well.

♥ Be stronger.

Children: No matter what happens, you will realize that most of life is lived alone. Spend time alone with yourself. Know that love yourself.

We love ourselves and try to avoid hurting ourselves. This is good. We also have to practice our abilities. If you say that you need extra lessons, I understand that you are sensitive at this age. But if you study hard, you will find that many things will be different.

We can rely on ourselves through our own learning. Studying hard is the simplest way to change our lives. The learning process may be difficult and boring, and there may be many things we don't know. It's okay. We can change our lives if we work hard.

Let adults solve their own problems. We just need to do our part.

Best,

My dear child,

Given what you've been through, I empathize with you deeply. If it would help, I'd like to give you a hug. I hope you can feel the warmth around you, even if you're feeling stubborn.

Your parents' relationship is not as harmonious as it could be, and this is likely to affect you and your younger brother. However, up to now, your parents have not really made a decision, which means that you and your younger brother have the opportunity to find a way to strive for a better outcome. Even if your parents separate, it is important to remember that your younger brother's tuition fees should not be obtained at the expense of your own. Your life is priceless, and you will have a better future. There is still so much mystery and beauty in the world waiting for you to discover. Never give up on yourself.

The relationship between you and your parents is both a family relationship and a blood relationship, which is something that will never change. From what you said, it seems that your father is wealthy, while your mother is financially deprived, so you chose your mother and decided that your father would not take care of you.

It's important to take a step back and consider all the possibilities before making any hasty decisions. It's natural to form opinions based on our own experiences and perceptions, but it's essential to recognize that parents' love for their children is a fundamental aspect of any family bond. In our daily lives, however, the complexities of relationships can sometimes make it challenging to fully comprehend and appreciate the nuances of love.

Your mother provides you and your brother with meals, laundry services, and encouragement to excel in your studies. Her dedication and attention to detail are admirable, and it's easier to understand her love for you when it's expressed in such a straightforward manner. Your father, on the other hand, is often preoccupied with work and managing relationships, which can result in a lack of communication with you and your brother. This can initially lead to feelings of distance or confusion about his love for you. However, as you grow and mature, you'll realize the depth and longevity of your father's love.

It is important to consider the depth of your feelings with care. It may be helpful to imagine standing at the North Pole and looking at an iceberg in the sea. If you are only looking at the iceberg from the surface, you may think it is small because you cannot see the vast mass of it submerged in the water.

If the conflict between your parents can be resolved, you and your brother might consider creating opportunities or seeking external help to help your parents reconcile. It's important to remember that happiness has to be fought for, especially for you as the younger brother. It's best to avoid acting out of anger.

Parents are just grown-up children, and sometimes they can be impulsive. It would be helpful to offer them support when needed and give them time to calm down. If your parents are unable to resolve their differences, it may be necessary to consider making a choice, but this does not mean being abandoned or deserted. It is possible to adapt to a new living environment while maintaining a relationship with your parents.

With regard to the tuition fees, it would be advisable to seek professional advice and assistance, as the current Chinese law entitles minors to financial support from their parents, which is linked to their financial situation.

Life is full of uncertainties. We can only do our best and strive for the best result. Even if it is not satisfactory, we must learn to face it with an open mind. Those who are weak may find it challenging to rise again in the face of difficulties. However, those who are strong may find a breakthrough or take a detour. After all, there is not just one direction in life.

I believe the same can be said of your relationship with your brother. While your parents' relationship will undoubtedly have an impact on you, it will eventually pass. Once you have navigated this initial challenge, you will likely find that there are many more possibilities in life.

You're a very sensible child. The adult world has unexpectedly made you shoulder so much responsibility. I hug you tenderly and see the words you've written. It hurts to see you, a young child, shouldering so much.

My child, you say that your parents used to get along well, but recently things have taken a turn for the worse. Do you know what happened between them? Have you tried asking other trusted adults for help?

For instance, grandparents, etc. It's possible that the adults involved could come up with a better solution.

Last night, my mom was suddenly choked by my dad, and she almost died. This has threatened your mom's life. Did your mom call the police or ask for help from others? This is a very serious act that must be taken seriously. You are also one of the witnesses, and you must fight for your mom's rights!

My child, you're already 12 years old and understand a lot of things. You've considered a lot, including your fear that your mother can't afford to pay for your and your younger brother's school fees after the divorce, and you're planning to sacrifice yourself to help your brother. But have you ever thought about how cruel it would be if your mother, on the one hand, suffered an emotional blow and, on the other, had to mourn the loss of her son?

No mother can stand it, so my advice to you is to slowly make yourself strong and protect your mother. You might still be weak now, but I believe you will become stronger and stronger.

Also, Article 1085 of the Civil Code says that if a child is raised by one parent after a divorce, the other parent is still responsible for providing support. The amount and duration of the support are up to both parties to decide, but if they can't come to an agreement, the People's Court will make a decision.

If your parents can't get back together and have to get divorced, it's a good idea for your mom to look into getting legal protection to make sure your rights and interests are taken care of.

At the end of the day, the world isn't black and white. There are lots of possibilities out there. Use the current setbacks as a way to hone your skills. Everyone has their own challenges, and life is a constant process of polishing and honing oneself into a unique and sharp sword!