I'm getting along well with my current boyfriend, but I still often think about my ex-boyfriend?

It is important to note that these conflicting emotions are indicative of a lack of readiness for marriage.

One potential explanation for the recurrence of thoughts about one's former partner in the context of a current relationship is a lack of decisiveness during the dissolution of the previous relationship, coupled with a relatively brief interval between the two relationships. In some instances, the act of breaking up may necessitate a certain degree of ritualization or a compelling rationale that evokes a sense of despair and resentment.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a certain degree of apprehension when transitioning from one romantic partnership to another, particularly for women. Given that you have been single for over a year and have already discussed marriage, it is understandable that you might feel some trepidation.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to ascertain the frequency with which one considers their former partner. Was the relationship mutually beneficial?

If one is still dwelling on the minutiae of the relationship, this is a cause for concern. It is also worth inquiring whether the subject in question still experiences a sense of longing for the time spent with the former partner.

This indicates that you have not yet fully accepted the dissolution of the relationship. Once again, the act of breaking up should also have a sense of ritual, both in your heart and in reality.

Thirdly, you have indicated that you consider your former partner when you are at home. It is possible that your parents are more satisfied with your former partner and that they still have doubts and are comparing him to your current partner, which also affects your judgment. Therefore, in the final analysis, it still depends on your choice and your way of thinking.

If one does not feel adequately prepared to enter into matrimony, it would be prudent to postpone the decision for a period of reflection. It is not uncommon for the apprehension surrounding marriage to be unrelated to a former romantic interest, but rather a result of a lack of readiness or a perception that one's current partner does not possess the requisite level of commitment to pursue marriage.

It is my sincere hope that these insights prove beneficial.

I am a member of the Personal Public Account, entitled "Pretentious Young People" (ID: qingnianJIA2020). I am interested in maintaining communication with you.

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Could you please describe the circumstances under which the questioner thinks about her ex-boyfriend? Is it a frequent occurrence?

Could I ask how long you were in a relationship with your ex-boyfriend? When you graduated from university, could you tell me why you broke up?

Could you please tell me how you met your current boyfriend? What made you decide to enter into a relationship with your current boyfriend at that time?

"I still think about him a lot, especially when I go home for the New Year. Before, my family was especially happy with him," is because the family was especially happy with him, and they are not "especially" happy with the current boyfriend. Although it is also good, it might make you think about him especially when you go home for the New Year.

"My boyfriend is from another province (I'm from Guangdong), and we've already purchased a house in Zhongshan for our wedding, but I'm not quite ready yet, and I'm a little nervous about getting married." What are the implications of "another province" for the questioner? What are the feelings that this evokes?

Could you kindly elaborate on what "getting married" makes the questioner think of? It would also be greatly appreciated if you could share your insights on how he feels.

"I don't know if I really love him." It would be interesting to understand why the questioner is thinking about this at this time.

I wonder if, if there were no marriage in the picture, the questioner would be pondering this question.

It is possible that the questioner is unsure of whether they truly love their partner.

From the text, it seems that the questioner is feeling somewhat detached and anxious about the future. She is afraid that after getting married, she will have to leave her hometown and her original family behind, and go to a place called "province" that feels very far away, with different customs and habits, and where she doesn't know anyone. At the same time, she will also have to undergo a change in status, from daughter to someone's wife, daughter-in-law, etc.

This is a challenging situation for anyone to navigate. One option for the questioner is to consider sharing their concerns about marriage and readiness with their boyfriend.

You might also consider talking to someone close to you. They may be able to help you understand what is going on.

They may be able to help you find a solution.

I truly hope that my reply will be of some help to you. Wishing you the best!

Hello, question asker! I'm Xiang Er, and I'm excited to help you!

After reading your story, I can totally relate to your inner confusion and unease. You often think about your first boyfriend, which makes you doubt whether your feelings for your current boyfriend are real. You are afraid that you will discover after marrying him that you don't like him. You don't know whether your current boyfriend is worth marrying, and you are full of fear about marriage, not knowing what it will be like after you get married.

You're a bit at a loss for words, but that's okay!

Xiang Er is excited to share some opinions and suggestions that she thinks might help you sort things out!

1️⃣ About your ex-boyfriend

What were the reasons for your breakup? "He tried to get back with me, but I refused." It seems that your decision to break up was unshakeable, and that the reasons for your breakup were unacceptable to you.

We'd love to know what you think about your ex-boyfriend when you think about him often! Do you think about his good qualities or his bad qualities?

Or do you think of your first love and that's why you think of him? When do you usually think of him?

What do you feel about him now?

I absolutely believe that first loves are always incredible and unforgettable. It's only natural to think about your ex from time to time, just as you would an old school friend you don't see very often. As long as you know how you feel when you think about him, you'll be able to tell whether you still have feelings for your ex!

2. About your current boyfriend

You "get along well with your current boyfriend," and you think the reason it reminds you of your first boyfriend is because he has something that your first boyfriend didn't have. Do you mind if he has shortcomings? Absolutely not!

Absolutely not! The only thing you're worried about is the problem of living in a different province? And you're not worried at all that he is not stable?

Oh, and you're worried that he won't be able to settle down in Guangdong? Well, he's already bought a house, so that's one less thing to worry about!

Or are you worried that after you get married, you'll have to go to his hometown for the New Year and won't be able to spend it with your family?

Why do you suddenly "not know if you really love him"? Could it be because you often think about your ex?

Or are there other reasons? If there are, I'm sure you can overcome them!

Your family is absolutely thrilled with your ex-boyfriend! Have they expressed any concerns about your current boyfriend?

3️⃣ About getting married

Your current boyfriend has already bought a wedding home in Zhongshan, so it seems he has decided to start a family in Guangdong! Have you discussed getting married before?

Have you reached a consensus on matters after marriage, such as how to divide household chores and which family to visit during the holidays? Have you told your partner about your fears about marriage?

I'm not ready yet, but I'm so excited to be ready when I am! Can we postpone it? Absolutely! You need to be honest with each other if you want to become a couple. Is this a good time to practice communicating with each other? Absolutely!

Marriage is a major event in life—and it's a very happy thing to walk into a church with the one you love and the one who loves you! It's also the basis for deciding whether you can spend the rest of your life together. Your thoughts in this regard prove that you are serious and cautious about marriage, and you want to be responsible for yourself and your future partner.

I'm really hoping the questioner can come to a decision soon and find a great marriage partner!

Hello! It's clear you have some big decisions to make. Should you tie the knot with your current boyfriend? He's bought a house and is ready to tie the knot, but you're still on the fence.

Let's dive into your relationship with your current boyfriend! It's totally normal to feel a bit hesitant. Your subconscious mind might be telling you that he's not quite ready for marriage. But don't worry, you'll get there! It's natural to not be ready to accept that your boyfriend will become your husband just yet.

It's great that you have the material conditions for marriage and are mentally prepared to accompany each other for life. I support you in not rushing to marry your current boyfriend because you are not yet able to devote yourself wholeheartedly to this relationship. Your relationship with him and your attachment to him are not yet good enough to enter into marriage and join hands for life. But you will get there!

You mentioned your ex-boyfriend, which is great because it shows you're thinking about your past relationships. You said you'll think about him especially during the New Year, which is a wonderful way to honor your past while embracing the future. You have some regrets about the end of your previous relationship, which is totally normal. I think you'll be able to fully commit to a new one once you truly let go of your ex. This is a responsible attitude towards both your current boyfriend and yourself. If you can't let go, don't rush into the current relationship. Plan your own romantic relationships well. No matter which relationship it is, if it can continue, continue to develop it. If it is impossible, give up as soon as possible. Explain clearly to the other person, and they'll feel valued by you.

Respect your own feelings, tell the other person how you feel, and don't rush into marriage! First, straighten out your own emotions and the life you want in marriage, and then make a choice.