I'm very anxious because I'm a PhD student and my boyfriend is not progressing. Do you want to break up?

Hello, question asker!

I'm so envious of you both! I admire you for being such a studious and motivated couple who love each other. I also feel really sorry for you. You're both already studying for your PhDs, and there's still a lot of anxiety, suffering, and confusion...

From what you've told me, it seems like your research is going really well and your boyfriend is doing great too! It looks like you're on track to graduate and enter society with flying colors. However, it seems like your boyfriend might be going through a bit of a rough patch with research progress slowing down. This has made you feel really anxious and even tempted to give up on the relationship. But you still love him and think he's amazing, so you're torn between wanting to stick with him and wanting to move on. It's totally understandable! From what I've read, you seem like a very driven and ambitious girl who wants to be the best at everything. You also want your boyfriend to be just as ambitious as you. I can relate to your current feelings so much! After all, you've both studied for a doctorate and are not young anymore. For girls in your situation, it's normal to think more realistically about things as they get older. This can lead to more anxiety, worries, and confusion.

Have you ever thought about how people are different? You probably know a lot more about the big ideas than I do, so I won't say anything. But you yourself have said that you can't just let your boyfriend say that he wants to take a break. As soon as he says that, you rush him to hurry up and do the experiment. Have you ever thought about how your boyfriend feels? You are inadvertently putting pressure on him. He himself is not sure whether his research is progressing or not.

I'm sure he feels the pressure, and I'm sure he wants to do well!

Oh, sweetheart, you can absolutely do this a different way. Have a good heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about how you're feeling, or let him talk to you about whether he's facing any challenges right now. If you can help him, then do so. If you can't, then just be there for him through the difficulties together. This is definitely better than nagging him all day long and pressuring him like a mother would a child. Because your anxious emotions like this won't make it easy for him, so how can he do his best research?

I can see that you feel like your boyfriend isn't keeping up with you, and I can also sense that he feels a bit like he can't keep up with you. I don't know if I'm right, but I don't think he's trying to be better than you. I think he's doing his best, just like you are.

I think your view of love is a bit "traditional." Men must be better than women. This seems to be the case in traditional views. But you are a doctor, and he is also studying. It's not that he is bad, it's just that you are too strong, right?

If you say you want to break up because he can't keep up with you, I'm really a little disappointed in you, sweetie. Just as you said, you "can only share the good times, not the bad." Then you will encounter many things in your life together. Can our whole life be smooth and safe? I can responsibly tell you that it is impossible. No one's life is smooth sailing. At that time, we will need to support each other, help each other, encourage each other, and comfort each other...

You two have such a great foundation of affection. I really hope you two will do well, study hard, and love each other! Support each other, understand and accept each other, and your future will definitely be bright.

I really hope my answer will give you something to think about.

I love you, world! And I love you, too! ?

Good morning, host.

From the original poster's description, it is evident that you are a capable and driven group. I commend you for your efforts.

I can discern the host's anxiety, but I also believe the host's boyfriend is experiencing similar distress.

When we are rushed by others, we tend to experience elevated levels of anxiety, which can lead to a perception that the outcome will be unsatisfactory.

Anxiety is a natural response to the perception that one is unable to meet expectations, or that one will fall behind or fail to keep up.

The majority of individuals experience anxiety in relation to themselves or their loved ones.

Anxiety is not a productive emotion and only serves to trap individuals in a cycle of negative thinking.

How should one address these emotions? The following are personal views and are for reference only.

It is important to be aware of your emotions and to accept them.

It is inevitable that we will all experience a certain degree of negativity and anxiety.

In light of your evident discomfort, it would be prudent to remain self-aware and reassure yourself that your current state of nervousness is entirely normal. It is essential to prioritize relaxation in this instance.

Furthermore, it is important to allow these emotions to arise without necessarily fighting them immediately. Attempting to fight back these emotions will only cause pain.

Awareness of and acceptance of one's emotions facilitates acceptance of reality.

Please indicate whether you like your boyfriend because of his character or his abilities.

I believe that our pace is different now, and I am considering ending the relationship. However, I still have strong feelings for him, and he is a very nice person.

It is challenging for two individuals to meet, fall in love, and recognize each other. If issues emerge, it is optimal for the two parties to collaborate in overcoming them and finding solutions.

Even if they are unable to overcome the difficulties, if it is a genuine relationship, with the support and tolerance of the other person, they can also generate the motivation to overcome them. This may be the magical power of love.

Take a moment to collect your thoughts and remind yourself that everything will be fine.

The source of the host's current anxiety is her boyfriend, not herself. It is important to remember that everyone is an independent individual with their own thoughts.

It is important to note that regardless of the host's level of anxiety, she is not in a position to provide assistance or influence the other person. The responsibility for addressing his challenges lies solely with the host's boyfriend.

As a colleague, your role is to offer encouragement and support.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the host for a happy and prosperous future.

I am Warm June, and I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

You and his family have supported him a lot over the years. You don't have to endure hardship together. You've been by his side, encouraging and guiding him. This is also a kind of sharing hardship.

But then you have to face a problem that is almost as difficult as his doctoral graduation. You have invested a lot of time and energy, but it's not worth it. Should you continue or give up? Giving up will make people think you're selfish.

If you choose to continue, it won't be easy. Over time, you'll find it harder to talk about him in your relationship.

Think about whether you want to break up or continue. Have a clear goal so we can discuss what to do next. You can't make this decision, so let's start by making one!

Go home and find a calendar. Choose a date, like the day you graduate or another special day. Mark it with a big red circle. Tell yourself that this is the day you'll decide to break up or not.

Until then, act like nothing is wrong.

If your boyfriend sees this date, you can say: I'm anxious about our relationship. This is the day I have to decide.

If you don't want to say anything, just say it's an important day. Until you make a decision, enjoy your life.