In my middle age, in my forties, my relationship with my husband has become quite distant. How should I make a decision?

An excellent inquiry.

I empathize with your situation. Terminating a marriage is not a simple decision, particularly when the other party has not engaged in egregious misconduct. After all, reality is not a romantic fairy tale, and we must exercise greater caution and rationality in navigating it.

Nevertheless, I am aware of some of the discrepancies between you and your husband. During middle age, it is challenging to alter one's routines and perspectives if one is not aware of them and does not possess the motivation to modify them. When you are young, you may engage in heated debates about these discrepancies. However, as you age, you tend to become more passive and seek solitude.

As time passes, couples may experience a natural fade in their feelings for one another, leading to a sense of stagnation in their lives. This can result in frequent contemplation of divorce, despite a recognition that the other person is not inherently problematic and bears responsibility for the situation. The potential loss of half of one's partner's income can contribute to feelings of apprehension about the future.

In light of these considerations, it is my recommendation that

1. Identify your fundamental desires.

It would be prudent to consider these matters carefully. What is the underlying motivation for seeking a divorce? Is it to rebuild a happy home, or is it simply a matter of perceiving an improvement in one's circumstances if one were to leave one's husband?

Alternatively, might the decision to leave be driven by a lack of clarity regarding the means of reconciling differences with one's spouse?

It is possible to achieve a state of calm and clarity of thought, thereby avoiding impulsive action.

2. It would be beneficial to consider the situation from an alternative viewpoint.

Furthermore, you have indicated that your husband is not inherently malevolent, yet you are at odds with his conduct in certain instances. You perceive him to be somewhat simplistic and discourteous, and you believe that he treats the children in a similar manner, which causes you considerable distress. If the children's academic performance is unsatisfactory, do you attribute this to a lack of proper guidance and education?

It would be beneficial to consider the following: your husband is employed in the public security sector, which inevitably exposes him to a considerable degree of the darker aspects of society. If he were to adopt a more gentle and unhurried approach to his work, would it still be completed in an appropriate manner? The opinions expressed by your husband may not be entirely unreasonable. However, given the relatively simple nature of your own life and work environment, you do not feel the need to act in such a way. This does not imply that one approach is inherently superior to the other, or that there is a definitive hierarchy. Rather, it is simply a matter of individual differences.

Furthermore, the issue of children's education must be considered. It is erroneous to assume that a child's education is solely determined by their academic performance. In my opinion, a child's character is of greater consequence than their grades. It is crucial to assess whether a child retains their curiosity and drive, and whether they are willing to work hard towards their goals. It would be unjust to negate a child's entire being based on their temporary results in the middle school entrance exam.

3. Attempt to implement some modifications.

It is important to note that the relationship between a mother and father affects not only the parents themselves but also their children. Children are perceptive and can sense when there is discord or tension in the atmosphere at home. When coupled with the fact that parents may have different approaches to child-rearing and do not approve of each other's methods, it can create a further sense of confusion and uncertainty for the child.

It would therefore seem prudent to attempt to make some effort in the relationship rather than giving up so readily. One approach might be to avoid looking at one's spouse with a critical eye. Despite differences in personality, it is important to respect one's partner's ideas, offer affirmations, and then express one's thoughts. Communication should be conducted in a calm manner, free from accusations or criticism. With time, the other person may also adopt a similar approach.

It is evident that children are most willing to observe their parents exhibiting positive behaviors. A favorable family environment can provide children with the resilience to navigate the external world. With regard to one's children, it is imperative that both parents demonstrate unconditional love and avoid solely imposing demands.

I am a dancing firefly. I extend my gratitude to those who have perused this text and hope that it has been of some assistance.

Hello! It's so exciting to see how marriage is taking on more and more diverse forms in modern society. These new forms often reflect practical considerations, which is great!

The post-90s generation has a unique perspective on marriage. They view it as a portfolio of assets or a complementary set of resources. This modern outlook on marriage is refreshing and offers a new way of thinking about the institution. The best part about this model is the sharing of resources, which provides a more stable economic foundation for the family and ensures that children can grow up in a privileged environment.

However, this resource-oriented marriage also has many negative effects. In the past, marriage was based on emotions, but now it is gradually changing to a resource-oriented reality.

It's clear to me that your marriage with your husband is a great example of resource sharing. This has led to a certain degree of emotional deprivation, including a long-term lack of sex in your relationship.

You feel dissatisfied with him, and even look down on him, perhaps because your love for him has become fragile deep down inside. Perhaps you were attracted to him not entirely because of who he is, but because of his position, status, and financial strength—and what a great position, status, and financial strength it is!

This has led to significant differences between you in terms of your family of origin, lifestyle, and family background, which is great because it means you have a lot of different experiences to bring to the table when it comes to parenting! This is also reflected in the way you raise your child, for example, you are dissatisfied with his simple and rude way of educating the child. You are deeply worried about the way you are raising your child, and you are worried that this way of education will have a negative impact on your child's future development, which is a great opportunity for you to learn and grow together!

I totally get it! This is a very realistic and reasonable concern, and I can fully understand how you feel.

Your concerns stem from your desire to provide the best education for your children, and they reflect the opportunity for you and your husband to communicate more emotionally. Personality differences and the lack of a married life will undoubtedly cause your relationship to gradually become indifferent.

I suspect that your communication may not be frequent, and this family atmosphere already has the color of cold violence. But there is hope! You can turn this around. Start by having frequent, open communication. This will help you identify and address any underlying issues. It will also help you and your husband understand each other better. This will lead to a more harmonious family atmosphere.

This family model presents an exciting opportunity for growth in your marriage and the strengthening of your family. However, you also face a realistic challenge: divorce may result in significant financial losses, as your husband is currently more financially capable.

I want to say that you two must have come together because you complement each other in so many amazing ways! It's important to appreciate each other, and I'm sure you do. It's just that now, that appreciation may have been overshadowed by the current state of your lives.

Every family is special and full of surprises! After all, nobody's perfect. But it's these little imperfections and quirks that make our lives so rich and full of colour!

We absolutely have to learn to appreciate each other while accepting and tolerating each other's imperfections. Your husband definitely has his own merits and strengths, there's no doubt about it!

I really don't think divorce is the answer here. I think you've already taken the first step by seeking help. You're already recognizing your own value. That's a great start!

You want to solve the problem, not just choose to divorce, which shows that you are a very rational and mature woman. I admire your desire to find a solution!

I'm so excited to tell you that marriage and personal growth are mutually reinforcing and closely linked! I think you'll find that focusing on your own growth is a great idea, but don't stop there. I also suggest that you communicate deeply with your husband and work together for the future of your family.

Your husband is an amazing person! He's doing a fantastic job in his career. I also believe he's a person full of positive energy and righteousness.

I'm sure we can resolve his somewhat harsh attitude towards child-rearing through communication. You can try communicating with him in a gentler way and let him realize that scolding children does not help them grow.

I also think it would be a great idea if you could encourage him to check out some of the audio courses on parenting at the Fan Deng Reading Club. I'm sure they'll be really helpful for him!

As long as you can agree on how to raise your children, I believe you can work together to raise your next generation. After all, you are both working for the future of your children, and that is what matters most—and it's going to be great!

There are so many factors that contribute to a happy and harmonious marriage! I can see that you're currently focusing on educating your children, which is wonderful. It's great that you're putting your energy into that.

When it comes to sex, I think it depends more on your personal attitude. If you feel contempt for your partner, it might affect your intimacy.

Has the love of the past and the passion of the past all disappeared? Let's find it again!

Absolutely! You can definitely find that love again. All you have to do is awaken the emotions within yourself through self-study and growth. After all, he once attracted you, and you had a good time together.

So why not recapture that passion now? Absolutely! It will take time and effort, but I truly believe that with learning and consultation, you can gradually improve the situation.

You can also seek help from a professional marriage and family counselor, who can provide you with more specific advice and guidance. If the problem is really difficult to solve, don't worry! It's not too late to consider whether to get a divorce.

After all, marriage is a wonderful adventure that requires us to be serious about it.

Let me use a vivid metaphor to describe your relationship with your husband. Is it appropriate and reasonable?

Picture this: you and your husband are restaurateurs. You're a French chef with a passion for fine cuisine, while your husband is a Turkish chef who likes to use a big spoon to scoop up the food. Every night, you set the table in your restaurant and prepare different dishes, but your styles are very different.

The first issue is education, which is like the way you treat ingredients in the kitchen. You think your son should be treated like a high-quality ingredient that needs to be carefully cooked and nurtured, while your husband is like someone who throws ingredients into a pot and stirs them around, thinking that they will be fine in time, and doesn't care about details at all. This is an exciting opportunity for you to learn and grow!

Then there's the working environment, which can be imagined as two restaurants with different, equally delicious cuisines. You are in a French restaurant, full of elegance and refined music, while your husband is in a Turkish barbecue restaurant, with a lively atmosphere and a hot, exciting atmosphere.

You are in two completely different worlds!

And then there's the sex life, which is like the food you cook: you long for exquisite French cuisine and hope to enjoy a delicious feast, while your husband only knows how to serve an ordinary plate of Turkish kebab, without any regard for your tastes.

And finally, there's the financial dependence, which can be compared to the business performance of the two restaurants. Your French restaurant business is doing really well! It's a small business, but it's thriving. And your husband's Turkish barbecue restaurant business is even more popular and has higher revenue!

You have your own amazing skills! But you are still financially dependent on him.

Now, you have the exciting opportunity to make a major choice: whether to close your restaurant and invest in your husband's barbecue restaurant. This decision will have a profound impact on your life and future, and you get to carefully weigh the pros and cons to make an informed decision.

You could try making your restaurant more successful by adjusting the menu to find a balance that suits both your tastes!

It can be argued that this is a prevalent issue among couples in the modern era. As individuals advance in age, their physiological functions tend to diminish, accompanied by a gradual waning of psychological fervor. Concurrently, the progressive decline in physical capabilities gives rise to shifts in psychological state, manifesting as heightened anxiety and restlessness. When communication between spouses is deficient and challenges emerge in child rearing, these factors can intensify inner distress and restlessness, leading to more pronounced difficulties in the marital and parental relationships, creating a self-perpetuating cycle.

Among family relationships, the couple relationship is of primary importance, followed by the parent-child relationship. The quality of the parent-child relationship is frequently influenced by the quality of the couple relationship. When the couple relationship is stable, harmonious, and loving, the couple can generally agree on the best way to educate their children. Even if there are differing opinions on certain aspects, this will not impede the normal upbringing of the children.

Conversely, if the relationship between the couple is characterized by conflict, instability, and disharmony, and if the couple's approach to childrearing is inconsistent, the child will experience significant confusion and helplessness. The child will be unable to discern which perspective to adhere to, let alone which individual to trust. The child will inevitably gravitate towards the side that is perceived as beneficial, which can lead to challenges in the child's educational development. Therefore, if the objective is to prevent major issues in the child's education, it is essential to first address the underlying issues between the couple.

It is important to note that the resolution of marital discord does not necessarily guarantee the resolution of familial discord. Children are also undergoing a period of maturation, during which their sense of self-reliance becomes increasingly evident. They possess a multitude of needs and ideas that may differ from those of their parents, necessitating the attention, respect, understanding, acceptance, and approval of the couple.

With regard to the relationship between the questioner and her husband, she indicated that she initially held negative perceptions of her husband and was only in the marriage for reasons related to his financial stability. This is the fundamental issue. The questioner's primary concern is not the quality of the relationship with her husband but rather the financial aspects of the marriage.

In other words, the questioner's expectations of her husband's emotional support are misguided. Respect and positive regard are prerequisites for a loving relationship, and without these, it is unsurprising that the marriage has reached its current state, including the lack of marital intimacy.

A harmonious married life can facilitate the stable and harmonious development of the relationship between husband and wife, which is conducive to family stability. However, the questioner and his wife have not had a married life for a considerable period of time, which has resulted in a deterioration of their relationship. When the relationship is poor, it is natural that the husband's attitude towards the questioner is also negative. After all, he also requires a married life and a supportive and loving relationship with his wife.

If these conditions are not met, it can lead to feelings of anger and dissatisfaction, which may manifest in various ways, such as arguing with the questioner or disagreeing with the approach taken to educate the children.

The decision of whether the relationship between the two individuals will continue to deteriorate until it ends, or whether they will alter their attitude and approach to improve the relationship, is at their discretion. However, it is this author's opinion that it would be a regrettable outcome to simply terminate the marriage after such a lengthy period. In the event of the presence of issues, it would be prudent to address them and engage in discourse to ascertain a resolution. It is possible that the two individuals can still maintain a positive relationship, which would also be beneficial for the children.

It is in the best interest of the child for their parents to maintain a positive relationship. Even if the relationship between the two parents is poor, the child will still experience distress if they witness their parents separating. If the issue is not resolved, even if the two parents separate and live their own lives, the questioner will still encounter this situation in the future, and the pain it brings at that time will be even greater.

The aforementioned opinions are those of the author and are presented for the reader's consideration and reference.

As you enter middle age, you find yourself at odds with your husband on matters of education and work. This has led you to consider the possibility of a divorce. However, you find yourself torn between two concerns. Firstly, you recognize that your husband is not inherently flawed and has not done anything wrong. Secondly, you are aware that ending the marriage would result in a significant reduction in your financial resources.

It seems that the questioner is experiencing a conflict and a psychological struggle that are causing them a great deal of inner pain.

It seems that the questioner should have quite a few hopes and expectations for married life, right? However, reality may present some challenges.

I imagine you have had a challenging journey over the years.

If I may make a suggestion, perhaps the first step would be to give the questioner a warm hug.

It seems that your main concern is whether you should proceed with a divorce.

I believe this is a rather complex issue, but not inherently so.

You might consider making a list of the pros and cons of divorce, ranking them, and adding or subtracting points according to your values to calculate a final score. You could also try to imagine what your life might be like now if you had divorced, what challenges you might face, and so on. How would you feel about accepting and bearing these things?

Perhaps it would be helpful to imagine what you would like to do after the divorce and whether you could achieve these things without getting divorced.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that the root of your issue lies in the communication between you and your husband.

The different working environments and natures of the two of you have led to significant differences in the way you raise your children, and there seems to be a lack of understanding and respect for each other's methods. Communication could be improved, and it would be beneficial to respect each other's views more.

I believe you recognize that your husband is a responsible person. This suggests that you still hold him in high regard.

However, given that you two don't communicate much and have different views on many things, and that communication hasn't changed over the years, it's understandable that neither of you is comfortable.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider changing the way you communicate to see if that helps to break the ice.

For instance, when it comes to child education, it's important to remember that the child is already in adolescence and has their own thoughts. They can clearly express their views, so it's worth considering which of you they prefer as a role model and which approach is more effective. These can be judged entirely by referring to the child's thoughts. Perhaps a combination of the two approaches could be beneficial?

For instance, in terms of the work environment, it's worth noting that different settings often give rise to distinct professional styles and approaches. While these differences are undoubtedly shaped by historical factors, they also reflect the unique demands and nuances of each profession.

Perhaps it would be more constructive to try to understand why that profession requires that style and approach to work, rather than resenting each other.

For instance, physiological needs. Middle-aged people may find themselves tired of the trivial matters of life and prone to situations of low interest. In such instances, they may benefit from creating a sense of ritual or romance and small blessings to add some color to their lives.

Perhaps you could try to see more of your husband's good points and praise him, with a view to changing the atmosphere of emotional communication in the home.

While the challenges of marriage are complex, they are not insurmountable. The key lies in our ability to navigate them effectively, adapt to change, and collaborate constructively.

Please note that the above input is for reference only. I hope that you will be able to make an early decision and that you will find happiness along the way.

Hi, great question.

You feel caught in a cycle of anxiety/a-22-year-old-girl-why-has-she-been-extremely-afraid-of-conflict-and-arguing-scenes-in-the-past-six-months-6100.html" target="_blank">conflict and suffering in your marriage. Your husband can provide security, but not emotional support. After more than ten years of friction, you're afraid of losing financial support and the effort you've put into your marriage and family. You've accumulated disappointments and feel powerless. You're middle-aged and believe divorce is the only way to change the status quo. Your husband isn't likely to change, and you're unwilling to compromise. Will things get better after divorce?

You're unsure and unhappy, so you're stuck. Let's look at what's really worrying you.

[The thought of divorce]

You know your suffering comes from thinking about divorce but being unable to make a decision. Every couple will have 200 thoughts of divorce in their lifetime. What is the reason for the recent frequent thoughts of divorce?

Your child's poor grades and the college entrance exam are making you anxious. You blame yourself for not educating your child well. You think the differences in your and your child's father's educational methods are to blame.

You regret not getting divorced sooner. You feel indifferent towards him. You have no common topics of conversation and no sex life. You feel dissatisfied with him. You have not divorced to give your child a complete and financially secure family. You feel that the suffering and compromise in the marriage has been meaningless. Getting a divorce will be a relief. The thought of divorce can ease your inner anxiety and give you a sense of hope. You still have one more option to alleviate your sense of powerlessness.

[Confronting the reality of the problem]

The thought of divorce can ease your anxiety about your child's college entrance exam and create a temporary psychological space for you. Divorce is not the ultimate goal, but it can help you achieve psychological balance. However, it can also have a counterproductive effect, causing you to become consumed by internal conflict.

Everyone can solve their own problems. Accept your anxieties and emotional needs to find ways to satisfy yourself. Work on the root of the problem, deal with your inner conflicts, and explore and grow yourself. You can read books or seek professional psychological counseling for help.

Hope it helps.

I'm your neighbor. Thanks for listening.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

First, let's dive into the fascinating topic of relationships and the self!

In "The Remarkable Me," Chen Hai-xian talks about how people are in relationships all the time, and that the self is different in different relationships. What often determines our thinking and behavior is not our personality, but the relationships we are in. This is great news! It means that we can transform the dimension of our thinking simply by starting from the perspective of relationships.

The questioner wrote in the article that the relationship with her husband had become very weak in middle age, and she often thought about divorce. So, she was ready for something new!

We can ask ourselves, what role do I play in the marriage? We haven't had sex for years, so I don't really look up to him, and we don't usually talk much. But that just means there's room for improvement!

What an amazing opportunity to explore the role I play in my relationship with my in-laws! I'm a wife who is financially dependent on my husband, and he has a wonderful sense of responsibility.

And what is my role in the relationship of child-rearing? I'm a parent who has the opportunity to learn and grow alongside my husband as we navigate our parenting methods.

And we can ask ourselves: what do we want from a marriage? What if we could have a husband who is basically not bad and has a certain sense of responsibility?

And what do we want from our nuclear family? Financial independence!

What do we want in terms of our children's education? Our child is approaching the entrance exam, so we want to give them a stable learning environment!

And we can also ask ourselves, when thinking about divorce, what position and role we are putting ourselves in. Do I accept this position and role? Absolutely!

What kind of position and role do you put yourself in when you think about not getting a divorce? Do I accept this position and role? Absolutely!

If we display behaviors that we don't want, it's not a personal problem, but a problem in the relationship. So by understanding our own needs from the perspective of the relationship, we can also deal with things from the perspective of the relationship—and it's a great feeling when we do!

We can try to communicate with our husbands once, face our relationship, discuss it, express our thoughts honestly, listen to our husbands' thoughts carefully, acknowledge the current situation between us, and communicate not to change each other, but to understand each other and unlock more possibilities, while also releasing our pent-up emotions. We cannot expect a single communication to solve the problem, after all, we have been living together in this way for so many years. So we need to be patient and confident, give ourselves some time, and also give our husbands some time. And I know we can do this!

Let's talk about loving yourself!

The good news is that whether or not to divorce is not the primary issue in your current relationship. What is important is your state of mind. So, in line with the principle of separating issues, you can make the choice to divorce if you want to, but if you don't, you can still have a good relationship!

Absolutely! We can seek help because if this thing is bothering you, it is not easy to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

And we absolutely must empower ourselves, cultivate some interests and hobbies, enrich ourselves, and please ourselves! We have every right to choose, and we can choose to live our best lives!

I'm so excited to recommend this amazing book: "Amazing Me"!

One must bear the financial responsibility for one's own understanding throughout one's life.

I must admit that I didn't fully comprehend this concept before, but I am now beginning to grasp it. It seems logical to conclude that people are not omnipotent, but rather interdependent.

There is a distinction in perception between husbands and wives.

A husband and wife are two independent individuals. Initially, the needs of men are higher than those of women. Later, the system automatically upgrades, and both men and women are required to upgrade to become fathers and mothers. This can be likened to an upgrade of the phone system. Those with good quality (character and foundation) can maintain and enjoy it.

When it comes to the basics, progress is hindered by the weight of existing commitments. This presents a challenge to human resilience.

The role of parent is a passive and continuous process, which will inevitably supersede the roles of husband and wife over time.

For example, the role of husband and wife is the primary focus, while the role of parent is an ancillary concern. Prioritizing the latter over the former can lead to complications, and it is therefore not uncommon for individuals to seek avenues for mental or physical respite.

The role of parents presents a stark contrast, akin to an absolute demon mirror that forces individuals to confront their true selves.

Furthermore, it serves as a significant driving force for our advancement.

Provide consistent encouragement and affirmation.

As the ancients wisely observed, "If the water is too clear, there will be no fish." (What can be explained rationally and in detail lacks some element of love. It seems that you have opened the wrong window of life. You long for a warm and loving atmosphere, for love. Love needs to be expressed.)

The ancients also said that confusion is a natural state of being and that it is beneficial to embrace this state of being. They also said that it is helpful to model behavior after how one interacts with colleagues at work. This can be done by identifying one positive aspect of the other person each day and acknowledging it. Even if one feels awkward at first, it is important to persevere and maintain this positive behavior over time. This will lead to changes in the relationship.

The host discussed the spouse's work environment. While being able to work within the system is beneficial, the work environment often requires you to present a certain image to fit in with the team. It's akin to not smoking in order to not stand out in a group, but smoking against your will. Over time, it can become difficult to distinguish whether it's the person smoking or the smoke that's affecting them. Do you understand what I mean?

Therefore, it is important to maintain a positive outlook on life despite any challenges or difficulties.

Show gratitude for the roles of husband and wife, parent, etc., in your life, which are all positive experiences that contribute to your personal growth.

It is important to remember that your role is that of both mother and individual.

When you are experiencing fatigue, offer yourself or your partner a supportive embrace to provide encouragement.

It is challenging to maintain a positive work environment, foster a strong relationship, and avoid prematurely ending a marriage.

Eye charity:

Show consideration and kindness in your gaze when interacting with others.

Maintain a positive facial expression, avoiding frowns or other negative expressions.

Verbal generosity: offer praise and appreciation to others.

Show respect for your colleagues.

Ear giving: Learn to listen, refrain from rejection, refrain from retaliation, refrain from judgment.

Kind thoughts and deeds. [Clasp hands together]

Hello, question asker.

Give him a warm hug.

Your confusion: "First, we have serious disagreements about how to raise our child. I strongly disapprove of his methods. He lets the child play games and starts to scold the child from the fifth grade. He also disapproves of me, and even feels that there is a certain rationality in his methods.

The child is getting ready to take the college entrance exam and hasn't been doing well in school, with poor grades. Second, my work environment is very different from his. He works in the government sector and is a minor official in the public security department.

I don't care for the work atmosphere there. It's straightforward and sometimes rude, and people like to swear. My work environment is relatively positive, simple, and academic.

We don't talk much. We haven't had sex in years, and it's because I don't respect him much.

Fourth, the only good things about him for me now are, firstly, that he provides financial support because he earns a little more than I do. Although my salary is also OK, due to the influence of my family of origin, I still have a sense of fear inside that if I leave him, I will lose half of my financial resources.

Second, he's not inherently bad and has a certain sense of responsibility. Point 5: My pain lies in the fact that I often think about getting a divorce, but when I think about the children and real life, I repeatedly fail to make a decision. This isn't something you can decide quickly.

I'm still struggling with this. I'm not sure what the best decision is.

"I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks so much!"

The host: After hearing your story, I can tell you have a very logical way of thinking. You've thought carefully about why your husband isn't right for you and what the pros and cons are. But you're still not sure what to do.

You're hoping we can give you some advice as friends, but psychology can't give advice. It can only suggest ways to help you feel a little better.

I think the first option is to try to accept your husband. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and nobody's perfect. Think back to when you first met. Did you think he was great? But as time goes on, you find more and more of his strengths and weaknesses, and you get to know him better. At this point, it's not about comparing the disadvantages to the advantages. It's about accepting his shortcomings because what seem to be shortcomings are often advantages from a certain perspective. For example, he speaks rudely, but when dealing with rude people, only people who speak rudely can solve the problem. Scholars encountering soldiers have difficulty arguing their case, and this is also a requirement of his profession. He can achieve this.

The second option is to leave your husband. You feel he's useless, but does leaving him really make you feel better? Does it really put you in the kind of happy situation you want? You said yourself, "I have my child, I can't let go, and leaving him will take away my happy life. He earns more and provides me with a stable income, and he is a responsible person."

After looking at these two options, we can also think about what the best choice is.

That's all for now. Have a great day!

This is a complex, sensitive issue that affects many parts of your life. Here are some suggestions that we hope will be helpful to you:

Get help from a professional.

Think it through. Give yourself time to think about everything. Don't get too emotional.

Think about what's best for your kids. This is a big part of divorce. Make sure your decision helps your kids grow. You can talk to their teachers and counselors.

Talk to your partner. Tell him how you feel and what you're worried about. Listen to what he says, too. Sometimes, problems need to be talked through in depth.

Financial rights and interests: He is your financial dependant, which may affect your security. You can divide these rights and interests to ensure both parties' rights and interests are met.

Seek support from friends or family. They can help you see the issue more comprehensively. Make a plan. Include practical issues like how to communicate with your partner, tell your children, and divide finances.

Remember, making a decision takes time and calm. Don't rush. Consider all your options.

Good luck!

Dear colleague, Your feelings are understandable. Navigating the challenges of marriage, especially when there is a perceived weakening of the relationship with your partner and disagreements about your children's education, can be a challenging experience.

Your feelings are understandable and deserve respect. It is not uncommon for the feelings between a husband and wife to evolve over time, which is a typical occurrence in many long-term relationships.

Additionally, discrepancies in parental educational philosophies and methodologies are also prevalent during the child's developmental years. These issues necessitate a collaborative approach from both spouses to be effectively addressed through communication and mutual understanding.

This is a common challenge faced by many families in relation to their children's education. I appreciate your concerns about the use of disciplinary methods such as scolding and beating. Psychological research has demonstrated that the manner in which parents educate their children can have a significant impact on their development.

While disciplinary actions such as scolding and beating may negatively impact a child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth, positive encouragement and support can foster self-confidence and a positive outlook on life.

The harmony of the parent-child relationship is often rooted in the soil of the marital relationship. Just as in a tree, the marital relationship is the root, and the parent-child relationship is the branches and leaves. If the root is not strong, the branches and leaves will not flourish.

To address the parent-child relationship, it is essential to first address the marital relationship. When confronted with our partner's methods of education, particularly criticism, accusations, and suppression, we may experience feelings of powerlessness and frustration.

This not only has an adverse effect on the children, but also causes significant emotional distress. The underlying cause of this distress is a deep-seated resentment and rejection of one's partner.

This rejection stems from disappointment in the partner and dissatisfaction with the status of the marriage.

If we are unwilling to deviate from our comfort zone and opt for divorce, we must endeavor to modify ourselves and enhance the relationship. Let go of accusations and complaints, express your views and feelings candidly, and simultaneously listen to the other person.

While our approaches may differ, our ultimate objective is the same: to ensure the happiness and future success of our children.

Diversity in work environments can result in discrepancies in values and lifestyles, which can pose a challenge for many couples. It is essential for both partners to collaborate to gain a mutual understanding and adapt to these differences.

In today's diverse society, couples often have different backgrounds and experiences, which can present both challenges and opportunities. It is essential for couples to respect and learn from each other, and to grow together in order to find harmony in their differences and stability in change.

It is recommended that you identify common interests or activities to facilitate mutual understanding and communication. Additionally, maintaining an open mind and respecting each other's work is crucial for maintaining marital harmony.

Every marriage is unique and has its own value and significance. Every relationship has its own reason for existing. When we reflect on our experiences, we can identify those moments that stand out in our memories and resonate with us deeply.

In regard to sexual activity, it is a private matter within a couple's relationship and serves as an important bond that maintains their relationship. The harmony of a couple's sex life is not only related to physical health, but also to emotional communication.

It is essential that both parties are transparent with each other and engage in open dialogue to identify a mutually agreeable solution. When founded on respect and understanding, a harmonious sex life will naturally evolve.

It is important to note that the issue of economic dependence is a reality that cannot be ignored in modern marriages. While pursuing economic independence, it is essential for women to also learn to manage their finances and plan.

It is in a woman's best interest to continually develop her vocational abilities and augment her economic autonomy. This will afford her a greater degree of influence and flexibility within the marital partnership.

Additionally, there are online resources available for learning about financial management, as well as the option of consulting with a financial advisor. This can assist in developing a reasonable financial plan to reduce economic dependence on a partner.

In light of the efforts made to enhance the relationship, it is essential to determine whether divorce is a viable option. This decision warrants meticulous deliberation.

It should be noted that divorce is not the only solution to marital problems. In fact, it can potentially lead to further issues, such as financial strain and psychological distress among children. It is therefore important to seek a resolution that is both effective and sustainable.

When we are confident in ourselves and optimistic about the future, we are less likely to be afraid of losing. We have the ability to support ourselves and lead a more refined, tasteful, and happy life.

Marriage is a partnership that requires joint efforts and compromises from both parties. If you are experiencing confusion or distress, it may be beneficial to seek professional psychological counseling to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify solutions to address your concerns.

When our emotional resilience is strong, our relationships will become more stable and harmonious.

It is our hope that every marriage will be as picturesque as a painting, and that every family will be harmonious and happy.

Hello, questioner. I can see that you're feeling a bit confused, and I want you to know that I'm here for you.

I'm not sure how old your husband's children are.

It might be the case that after the birth of your child, you will find yourself devoting all your energy and time to your child.

It is likely that you will be required to attend your child's school activities and extracurricular classes.

It's not uncommon to feel that married life becomes less exciting after having children.

But is that all there is to it?

I respectfully disagree.

If I might make a suggestion, your own parents are still alive, right?

If that is the case, I would like to make a suggestion.

Perhaps you could consider spending at least one weekend evening a month with your husband, during which you could leave the children with your parents.

For instance, you might consider surprising him by picking him up from work and then taking him to a nice restaurant for a candlelit dinner, perhaps one with live piano music.

Then, if you would like, you can dance with your husband on the stage to the music played by the piano after dinner.

It might be helpful to try to have this kind of interaction with your husband every month. Over time, you may find that your relationship with him improves.

I came across an article recently that suggested a good marriage is built on three key elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

If you notice that your marriage with your husband has grown cold, it might be time to consider taking action.

If it is convenient for you, it might be helpful to set aside time each night to talk with your husband before going to bed. You could discuss things like how your child was that day or what interesting things you encountered on your commute.

I wonder if I might suggest that perhaps, even before asking today's question, you already had an answer in your heart, and knew what choice you should make.

Perhaps you would like to hear more from the rest of us about your current marriage.

It would be ideal if possible, but it is not compulsory, to try to give your children a complete family.

If you are still uncertain, it might be helpful to speak with a professional counselor.

I truly hope that the issue you're currently facing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this moment, I am only able to think of the above.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I am the answerer, and I study hard every day.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and the entire world from Yixinli. Wishing you the best!

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going.

Dear Sir/Madam, I can see that you are experiencing difficulties in your marriage. I can sense that you are not entirely satisfied with your current situation, but there is little you can do about it, which is causing you distress. Best regards, [Name]

The lack of a common language is a significant obstacle to the success of the marriage. It is essential for both parties to be invested in maintaining the marriage. If one party is not willing to put in the effort, the situation will likely continue to deteriorate.

The situation is indeed quite awkward. It would be beneficial to communicate more and cultivate common topics, which will help enhance your relationship. It would be advisable to tell him your true thoughts. If the two of you continue to stay together, there will be more and more conflicts, which will only make both of you miserable in the end.

It would be beneficial to communicate with your husband to identify the root of the problem. You have listed numerous aspects of your husband's behavior that you find unacceptable.

However, these are all relatively minor issues. For instance, appearance. You have no desire for him, and I believe he looked the same before the wedding. Given that you were able to accept him and marry him, it indicates that he is still within your tolerance range.

Additionally, the work atmosphere is a factor to consider. As you are not employed by the same company, the specifics of his work are not directly relevant to you. My mother often reminds me that marriage requires a higher level of tolerance.

It may be beneficial to take some time apart to allow each party to regroup and regroup. This could potentially lead to unanticipated outcomes.

If you have reached the point where you are unable to coexist, it may be time to consider separating. While you are still of an age where starting a new life is an option, you have the opportunity to do so. If communication is ineffective and you are not interested in pursuing divorce, you may wish to focus on other areas of your life, such as work, or develop new interests to enrich your life. This may help you to move on from this issue.

I wish you the best in resolving this matter.

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

"I'm in my forties and my relationship with my husband is very weak. What should I do?" In order to make an informed decision, it is necessary to consider the issue in its entirety.

In the initial inquiry, the author highlighted a discrepancy in educational philosophies between the two parties, with a lack of alignment in their respective approaches to child education. Rather than focusing on the question of who is right or wrong or whether one educational philosophy is superior to the other, it would be valuable to understand the child's perspective on the matter. While both parents have the best intentions for their child's education, it's essential to ensure that their actions align with the child's needs. Instead of viewing the child's education as a point of contention between parents, it's crucial to prioritize the child's well-being and engage in constructive dialogue to find a solution that benefits the child.

Regarding the career issue mentioned by the questioner, it may be helpful to consider that a person's work is only one aspect of their professional life. It is important to acknowledge the reality of any shortcomings in the other person's work, but it is also valuable to identify potential advantages. Carefully examining the bright spots in any role can provide a more comprehensive view. However, our perspective and attitude can influence how we perceive these advantages, leading us to focus on the aspects we find most important.

If we are unable to reach an understanding of each other's work, that is acceptable. Work is only one aspect of life, and not the entirety of it. In such a case, it may be beneficial to communicate with each other about topics of common interest.

Points 3, 4, and 5 ultimately depend on our own views. The choice and decision depend on our priorities and desired outcome for the relationship. If our goal is to divorce, we will find reasons to justify our decision and accumulate resentment until the marriage ends. If we still have attachment to the marriage, we will experience pain and indecision.

The option of "divorce" may appear to be a tempting one, but it is important to consider the potential implications of such a decision. It is likely that we have not fully considered the future course of action that would be required to move forward after a divorce. This lack of clarity can lead to uncertainty about the best course of action in the future. However, if a decision is to be made, it may be beneficial to attempt to repair the relationship first. This can be achieved through options such as marriage counseling or family therapy, which can assist in clarifying thoughts and finding a solution to the problem. If the individual in question has concerns regarding the practical aspects of the situation, it may be helpful to educate oneself about family and marriage relationships through books or courses.

Ultimately, if all other options have been exhausted, we can choose to trust our instincts and respect our decision. This choice must be made with the understanding that all other avenues have been explored and proven ineffective. While this may not be the ideal solution, it is the one that aligns most closely with our personal values and preferences.

When faced with dilemmas and decisions in a marriage, you must take a fresh look at the problem, think deeply, and make decisions that are in your own interests and values. First, let's revisit the situation you described:

You and your husband have significant differences in terms of your children's education, work environment, sex life, and financial situation. These differences have led to a weakening of your marriage and caused you distress. You have considered divorce, but you are hesitant because of your children and financial dependence.

It is completely understandable that you are experiencing internal conflict and pain. After all, divorce is a major decision that will have a profound impact on you and your family.

Now, let's rethink this issue from a brand new perspective. First, you need to understand that marriage is based on mutual respect, understanding, and support.

When there are differences of opinion on important issues, it is crucial to find a way to deal with them. You may disagree on your child's education, but you can find a balance through communication and compromise. Work together to lay a good foundation for your child's future.

In fact, compromise is the best way to resolve differences and conflicts in a marriage. Through compromise, both parties can find a solution that works for everyone.

Let me be clear: compromise does not mean that either party completely gives up their position. It means that a balance and consensus are reached through mutual concessions.

For example, suppose you and your husband disagree about your child's education. You want your child to focus on academic performance, while your husband wants to focus on developing your child's interests and talents.

Through compromise, you can and will explore how to balance academic achievement and the development of interests, and formulate an education plan that meets your expectations and takes your husband's views into account.

It is essential to understand that compromise requires the willingness of both parties to participate and make sacrifices. It is a process of mutual respect and understanding that seeks common interests and solutions.

When making compromises, you must emphasize communication, listening, and respecting each other's views.

Furthermore, it is essential to address the barriers caused by the working environment and personality differences. Take the initiative to understand the other person's perspective, find common ground, and enhance mutual understanding and trust.

Communication is the key to resolving conflicts. Don't let silence and alienation exacerbate the gap between you.

It is crucial to prioritize emotional intimacy and shared interests to maintain a healthy sex life and a thriving marriage. If you find yourself lacking in these areas, take the initiative to rekindle the spark by seeking common ground and fostering deeper emotional connections.

Everyone should pursue financial independence, especially in terms of fear and dependence. While leaving can bring certain financial pressures, you must not let fear limit your options.

You can increase your financial resources by improving your abilities and finding a better job, which will alleviate the financial burden that divorce may bring.

Believe in your own value and rights. Don't sacrifice your own happiness to maintain an unhappy marriage. Marriage is built on mutual respect and happiness. If you feel that you are unable to achieve your due happiness, then make changes.

Seeking professional psychological counseling and marriage counseling is the best choice. It will help you gain a clearer understanding of your needs and expectations and find a path that suits you.

Ultimately, you must decide what's best for you and your children. Face reality head-on and pursue happiness and satisfaction. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness. Don't let the past hold you back. Believe in your ability to create a better future.

There are two fantastic reasons for the urge to divorce: one is to be in unbearable pain and to leave as the ultimate goal; the other is to seem too dull and boring, and to have more expectations and visions for life after leaving.

The former often regard each other as sworn enemies, unable to tolerate each other, and even fight. The disgust and hatred, anger and pain in each other's hearts have reached an unbearable level. Every second together is torture and suffering, and divorce is the only way out of the suffering. However, such urgency and determination do not require consideration of other gains and losses or trade-offs. Leaving is already the greatest liberation and gain, and things will not get any worse anyway.

It seems that you fall into the latter category. You are dissatisfied and unsatisfied, but you are not unable to get by. You are just unable to calm down. On the one hand, the motivation to leave seems to be insufficient, and on the other hand, the appeal of an unknown future life is not clear. You are hesitant and wavering, wanting to leave but also wanting to stay. Even if you list some reasons for whether or not you should leave, the result is still as you feel, "I can't make a decision again and again." Rather than saying that the decision is difficult, it is more accurate to say that the reasons are insufficient and the basis is not strong enough.

For example, the things you listed are actually unlikely to lead to the idea of divorce. Differences in education can be communicated, and the harshness of the work environment seems to have nothing to do with you. "It's hard to look up to him" may be the root cause and key to everything! This is the only thing that you feel directly and ultimately towards him, and it also explains the emotional relationship.

Therefore, your divorce is more based on finding someone you can look up to. Obviously, this uncertainty is the real reason for your hesitation, rather than your income or anything else.

So, is the fact that you "don't look up to him" a sufficient motive for you to leave? In a marriage, is the spouse you "look up to" your top priority?

And is it enough to ignore his strengths?

Maybe this is also a problem of "not being able to make a quick decision."

Before making a decision, I wonder if you have ever tried to examine your own emotional conclusions. "Not being able to look up to someone" is naturally a general and subjective conclusion, and there must also be a process of accumulation and reinforcement from specific events such as beating and scolding children, or speaking rudely to people. It would be great if you could think about whether the logic of "not being able to look up to someone" is objective and fair!

Can you just dismiss it? Absolutely! Is your conclusion of feelings unassailable? Absolutely not!

Have you tried communicating to improve the situation? I'm not saying that he's right, but I am asking if you're being objective and fair when you say you don't like him.

Absolutely not! Marriage is totally compatible with the idea of "him and not me." Have you made any efforts in this regard?

After spending a long time together, you might be wondering whether it's the little things that have made you "not look up to" your partner or whether it's the fact that you "no longer look up to" your partner that has made it difficult to communicate and compromise on specific matters. The good news is that a third party won't have the answer to your question, but since you're eager to find out, you might as well try to resolve the specific problems and conflicts.

And before everything else, I'm excited to say that perhaps the point of "not looking up to" is the first thing to examine and think about, because this may be the starting point and key to the outcome!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not just for appreciation, but for blossoming.

It's tough when you're in an intimate relationship and you're hurting, but you also feel like you can't leave each other. It can be really confusing when you're always on the fence about whether or not to divorce. Let's share and discuss together:

1. To work on the parent-child relationship, start with the intimate relationship (spousal relationship).

You strongly disagree with his approach to raising the children, especially the criticism, accusations, and suppression, which can easily dampen their enthusiasm and even cause them greater physical and mental harm.

But the other person still goes their own way, leaving you with no choice. My dear, if we combine the following points, we can easily see that what really bothers you is your husband. That's why you find almost everything he does annoying.

The couple's relationship and the closeness and harmony between them directly affect the children. Your differences in opinion about education stem from the fact that you don't like him and even have a rejection of each other in the sexual relationship. You can only come to terms with each other by accepting each other.

2. Can you look back on your relationship and find the good in each other?

Since you got married and started a family together, it means that you still have some foundation for each other, whether it's an emotional foundation, an economic foundation, or a foundation based on other purposes. There's always a reason for you to be together.

Take a step back and see if you can find the good in him from your past. If you can, you'll be able to accept and approve of him. If you're not willing to step out of your comfort zone (that is, to divorce decisively), you'll need to look for change within yourself to achieve a breakthrough in your relationship.

As you said, this person isn't inherently bad and has a certain sense of responsibility. It's just that the way he deals with things is different from yours. Could you change your communication style to help him change his?

Relationships are formed through interactions with each other. When you change, the other person has to change too to adapt to your changes.

For instance, instead of accusing and complaining, just express your views and feelings about your child's education, listen to the other person, and make sure you're both aiming for the same thing—the good of the child—even if you have different ways of getting there. Build a foundation of respect and trust and work together to find a solution to the problem.

3. Try to do (2) first, and then think about whether you should get a divorce.

You're torn between wanting a divorce and staying married. You don't want to lose the financial security he provides, but you also can't fully accept and connect with him.

You say it's for the kids, but I think it's really about your own personal fears. The fear of losing, the fear of losing "security." Having enough money and support from others can satisfy your need for security.

But the truth is, true security comes from within. Even if he's penniless, he won't be afraid because he's confident in himself and therefore confident in the future. You have a job and a decent income, just below your partner's. If you really get a divorce, you'll still be able to support yourself and you may even be able to live a more refined, tasteful, and happier life.

But you're afraid to because you're lacking something inside, so you try to fill the emptiness with material things or the support of others.

There are more than three ways to do everything. There are other ways to resolve your relationship besides divorce.

Divorce is just not the best option. I'd highly recommend the movie Groundhog Day. In the end, the male protagonist discovers what is holding him back and how he achieves a breakthrough in his life.

I hope this is helpful to you. I wish you all the best.

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Facing emotional indifference and life difficulties in a mid-life marriage is a complex and sensitive issue. Here are some suggestions to help you make sense of it:

1. Have a deep conversation with your husband about your differences and grievances. Be honest about your feelings and listen to his views.

2. Marriage counseling: Get help from a marriage counselor. A professional can help you understand each other better and give you advice on improving your relationship.

3. **Personal growth**: Focus on your personal growth and interests. You will bring new vitality to your marriage by improving yourself.

4. **Financial independence**: You should consider increasing your financial independence. This will alleviate your fear of losing your financial source and increase your autonomy in the marriage.

5. Children's interests: When considering divorce, your children's interests must be your top priority. You must consider their feelings and needs, as well as the impact divorce may have on them.

6. Realistic assessment: You must assess your current marital situation rationally, including emotional, financial, and family responsibilities. This will help you make a more informed decision.

Seek support from family and friends. They can provide the emotional support you need to get through this difficult time.

8. Self-care: You must take care of your physical and mental health during this process. Maintain a healthy lifestyle, such as regular rest and exercise and a good diet.

9. Make an informed decision: Before making a decision, weigh the pros and cons of divorce and staying married. Choose the option that is better for your long-term happiness.

10. Get professional help if you are feeling distressed and confused. A counselor can help you process your complex emotions and offer professional advice.

You must remember that marriage is a complex relationship involving many factors. Before making a decision, you must ensure that you have fully considered all the factors and are prepared for your choice.

Patience and understanding are essential in this process.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan, and I'm a consultant in the transpersonal school.

From what you have shared, I can appreciate the challenges you are facing. It is not uncommon for couples in midlife to experience difficulties in their relationship.

It would be wise to take the time to think carefully and consider multiple factors before making any decision.

Marriage is a complex issue that can sometimes be confusing and depressing. It is important to carefully consider how to deal with marital difficulties in midlife.

At this stage, it may be helpful to consider a few more factors, such as the future of the children, economic stability, and personal emotional needs. It's understandable that the feelings and wishes of the questioner are reasonable, and everyone has the right to pursue happiness and satisfaction.

It is important to remember, however, that divorce is not the only way to solve problems.

I would also like to offer some of my own views for the questioner's consideration, in the hope that they may be of some assistance in reaching a decision.

Self-reflection: It might be helpful for the questioner to take some time to think about what they really want in this intimate relationship. Having gone through the years of uncertainty, the life of the marriage is now plain and simple, and there are many differences in values with your husband. It would be interesting to consider what caused your differences, and what caused you to be so different to begin with.

After a marriage has lasted for a while, the development of a relationship is often related to how both parties manage it. It might be helpful for the questioner to review their married life and consider whether there is room and possibility for improvement.

It may be helpful to identify the underlying cause of the problem and explore potential solutions.

It is important to maintain open communication with your partner about your feelings and thoughts, and to listen to his views and opinions. Communication is a key factor in solving problems. By communicating in depth, you can gain a better understanding of each other's needs and expectations, and find common solutions.

If communication is challenging, the questioner may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Regardless of how disappointed the questioner may feel in the face of this intimate relationship, it is important to try to communicate with their husband and work towards a change in the way they interact with each other. If, after trying to communicate, there is still no change, the questioner may wish to explore other methods.

It might be helpful to focus on personal growth. The question asker could consider ways to improve their quality of life, for example by learning new skills, travelling, or taking part in social activities. Even in a challenging relationship, there are ways to enrich your life. It's worth exploring opportunities beyond the immediate relationship and family.

This may help to alleviate some of the pain and also make the questioner more independent and confident in facing future choices.

It may be helpful to seek support from those close to you, such as family members, friends, or professionals. They can provide a listening ear and guidance to help you navigate this challenging time and find a solution that aligns with your needs.

Additionally, the question asker may wish to consider joining groups that align with their interests, as these can provide valuable support. If the question asker feels that they require further assistance in resolving this issue, they may wish to explore the option of seeking guidance from a professional marriage counselor.

It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a legal expert, who can assist you in understanding your rights and obligations, as well as the potential legal procedures involved in a divorce.

It would be wise to consider the child's feelings. In China, children are often an important part of the family, and their growth and happiness should be given priority. Before making a decision, it would be beneficial to communicate fully with the child to understand their thoughts and feelings, and to try one's best to create a stable and harmonious family environment for them.

In any case, although the intimacy between the questioner and her husband is a matter for the two of you, it is important to remember that your relationship still has an impact on the child. Before making a decision, it might be helpful to try to inform the child at the right time and ask him to respect your choice.

It would be advisable to assess your financial situation when considering divorce. This would include issues such as income, division of property and custody. It would also be prudent to ensure that you have sufficient financial resources to meet the challenges of the future.

It would be wise for the question asker to consider all factors and potential consequences before making a decision. It might also be helpful to develop a plan for gradually achieving financial independence.

This could include considering ways to enhance one's vocational skills, exploring potential job opportunities, or even starting a side business.

It might be helpful to consider what life after divorce might look like. This could help the questioner to anticipate how their quality of life, emotional state, and relationship with their children may change.

I truly hope that whatever choice the questioner makes will be one that will improve their life and not be based on impulse.

I would like to suggest that marriage is not the only aspect of life. It is possible for the questioner to choose a path that allows them to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life without being limited to the traditional marriage model.

Ultimately, it is up to the questioner to decide what is best for them. They should take responsibility for their actions and consider all possible consequences. My hope is that the questioner will find a solution that suits them and live a happy life.

It is important to remember that, no matter what choice is made, maintaining a positive mindset and an optimistic attitude towards life is essential. Believing in one's ability to get through this challenging period is also crucial.

It is my sincere hope that my answer will be of some assistance to the questioner.

I would like to respectfully suggest some related book recommendations.

Nonviolent Communication: This book offers a way of communicating that is peaceful, respectful, and understanding. It can help couples reach consensus on issues such as child-rearing and reduce conflicts.

The Parenting Effectiveness Training Manual: This is a well-known parenting book that provides parents with specific methods for effective communication and problem solving when educating their children. It places great emphasis on respect for children, while also focusing on cooperation and communication between spouses.

Intimacy: This book offers insight into the establishment, maintenance, and repair of intimate relationships from a psychological perspective. It provides a framework for understanding the interaction patterns between couples and how to reach a mutually beneficial consensus on issues related to child rearing.

Psychology of Marriage: This book offers a comprehensive examination of the potential difficulties that may arise in marriage, along with practical psychological insights and techniques to assist couples in navigating these challenges, including disagreements regarding the education of their children.

Dear questioner,

I'm Liu, your listening coach.

In terms of behavior, you're facing a tough choice: divorce or not. Your text is very detailed, analyzing some of the reasons for and against divorce. I think you're suffering greatly. You're experiencing this relationship, and the truth is that none of us can really make a decision for you. But I hope this answer can give you some reference points:

1. When we're on the fence, the issues in the relationship tend to come to light.

From what you've said, I get the impression that

This marriage is a bit bland.

It's not ideal, but it's a shame to let it go.

But even vague expressions

And some inclinations, too.

I'm trying to decide whether I should leave.

Should I stick with it?

Sometimes there are two sides to the story.

Marriage is like drinking fish soup: you know whether it's hot or cold.

You're the only one who knows if you're happy and content in your marriage or if you're struggling. And getting to know yourself and your partner involves a lot of sunk costs—financial, habitual, and even children—that make the decision to "leave" very difficult. And the alternative of not leaving seems less satisfying.

When you're facing a double-avoidance conflict like this one, where every choice has pros and cons, it's only natural to be cautious.

Second, we can take another look at your self-analysis to see what's really going on. At first glance, this seems to be a question of whether to divorce, but there are also some deeper psychological issues at play.

(1) Reasons why I want to leave:

One person just doesn't fit with the other.

He's not the husband you need. You don't speak to him much, you're not close, and you said you don't respect him. You also don't like his parenting style. It seems like you're two different people, and he can't meet your needs. There's an imbalance in the relationship. Even though many people say marriage is a partnership, if it's not driven by emotions, it can be difficult.

It seems like love is a more idealistic description here. It's about having an unsuitable partner who has to compromise with you and who doesn't fit into your world.

It's difficult to see eye to eye with him.

In these kinds of relationships,

People often feel pretty lonely.

(2) Reasons why I can't leave:

He's not the best partner, but he's not a bad person. He's responsible and can provide financial support. The lack of security in our original family makes the "unknown" even more frightening. What will happen if we leave him?

Is there a way we can make a more positive change in our lives? Will everything really get better?

We're not sure we can make this choice on our own.

Of course, we also feel the pressure of our multiple roles, worry about our children's problems, and may even worry about the opinions of both sets of parents. At the same time, our habits may also change over the years.

This "cost" is significant.

3. Based on what I know about your situation, I have a few suggestions for you to think about.

(1) Of course, apart from just getting along and going your separate ways, there are other options.

Partners become partners because they support each other. If you try to understand each other, communicate while agreeing to disagree, and interact with warmth, it will change the relationship between you and your partner. Your partner may not know a lot of your feelings, and you may feel lonely because you've put a distance between yourself and the other person.

This takes effort and willingness from both partners. What's your partner's take on it?

What does your partner think about the current state of your relationship? Can we discuss this with them?

If you do decide to stay together,

It's important that you can both see each other in the relationship.

It's really important.

(2) Divorce is a decision, an idea. If we're going to go through with it, we need to at least know what we're up against and what our concrete response to it is.

We can try to think of all the different aspects of this. When it comes to our mentality, we need to be prepared for this. After the end of a marriage, we often feel pressure to re-coordinate our social identity, and it takes courage to break through this pressure.

It's also worth thinking about whether our current income will support us for the rest of our lives. We might need to look at how we spend our money and save more. Of course, divorce will also involve dividing up our property, as well as how we will arrange our place of residence afterwards and the custody of our children. When considering divorce, we may need more professional legal advice.

It's also important to communicate with your kids. They can tell when their parents are having problems and it affects them too.

We always focus on how divorce hurts kids, but if the marriage itself isn't good, do kids subconsciously think their parents are staying together for their sake? Some will feel guilty, while others will think this is normal and it'll affect their future relationships. We really need to pay attention to kids' mental health.

If divorce is unavoidable, it's crucial to let your kids know they're still loved.

(3) Regardless of whether or not one gets divorced, it's important to pay attention to our own current feelings, rather than repressing them.

From your writing, I can see that you're dealing with some tough emotions. It seems like, no matter what happens with the marriage, you're still struggling to take care of yourself.

It's fair to say that marital relationships are one of the most obvious sources of anxiety.

But that's not the only thing.

You're not just a wife, a mother, or a child. You're also an individual with your own needs and desires. Do we truly accept ourselves? What kind of life do we truly want? These are important questions to consider.

If we want to make our own choices, we need to build up our inner strength.

We can try to heal ourselves. Reading and learning can be helpful. At the same time, we can also try to seek psychological counseling. In a safe environment, we can communicate with a professional psychological practitioner to see if there are any inner issues that have not been truly resolved. As we understand ourselves and nurture ourselves, we will also slowly see our own aspirations and cultivate the energy to make choices.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

Thanks for reading!

I'm a listening therapist at Yixinli.

Please feel free to get in touch with me.

Hello, questioner! My name is Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you in any way I can.

From your writing, I can see that you are going through a challenging time and may be feeling confused and in pain. Let's talk about it together and see if we can find a way forward.

1. Differences between you and your husband regarding the education of your children

With regard to the matter of education, he is in favour of corporal punishment, and you are of the opinion that this is an inappropriate approach to education. However, neither of you feels able to defend your own views, which has led to a disagreement.

In terms of educational values, it's possible that one's own educational background and the nature of one's work may play a significant role.

It might be helpful to consider children's education from a variety of angles, including educational and family-related perspectives.

2. Could I ask your opinion on the nature of the differences between your jobs?

His work tends to be rough, and you are quiet and may not fully appreciate the nature of his work. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on what feelings and thoughts his work has given you.

Given the impact of his work on your family relationship, it might be helpful to communicate your feelings and needs to each other.

Could I ask you to consider whether you might have a more accurate understanding of your partner's work? And might I also suggest that you think about whether you have a deeper and more comprehensive understanding of each other?

Could I ask you to consider whether you have a more realistic understanding of the other person, rather than a one-sided view?

3. Lack of sex

The sexual life of a couple is a very private aspect of their relationship. It can also have an impact on the intimacy between them. Having a lack of sexual life for many years may have caused a significant lack of intimate understanding between you.

And you recognize that this is an inner rejection of him, which is why you currently feel unable to be close to him. Could you please reflect on what it is about him that you find challenging to accept?

4. Divorce would likely result in a loss of financial independence.

If you were to get divorced, what kind of life would you have? And what are you afraid of?

It would be beneficial for you to address this issue, as your fear may be hindering your ability to make an informed decision. It would be helpful for you to identify your concerns and address them in a constructive manner.

The second point is that when you think about divorce, you feel that he is not entirely without positive qualities. Could you please elaborate on why you feel this way?

Could it be because you feel guilty towards him? Or perhaps because you have a bad reputation?

Perhaps the most important thing to consider is that only when you recognize the problem in your heart and solve it can you decide whether to divorce or not, or how to live your life next.

5. It seems that your suffering may come from the conflict and entanglement within you.

I understand that you are not happy in this marriage and that you want to leave, but I can see that you are also torn because you are thinking about the children.

Have you ever considered what you might be sacrificing by staying in this marriage? Is it possible that you are seeking happiness for yourself?

Is it because you don't like living with someone else?

It would be helpful to consider what the impact of a divorce might be on your children. Do you think they would suffer and have a hard time?

From your writing, I can see that you are facing some challenges in your marriage. It seems that you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, and that you are also concerned about the impact this might have on your children. It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed by these issues.

Let's continue to discuss this together and see if we can find ways to make things easier for you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start by looking at your relationship with yourself.

It might be helpful to think about marriage and parent-child relationships as a woman's secondary relationships, while her primary relationship is with herself. When a woman has a good relationship with herself, it can help her to find solutions to other relationships.

Your relationship with yourself will be shaped by the challenges you encounter when living alone. It is important to be prepared to face these challenges and take responsibility for your own life.

If you feel that you need the other person, it might be helpful to consider what kind of life you would want if you were to live together. Once you have a clearer idea of what you want, you could try living your life according to your own wishes.

It is also worth noting that the marital relationship and the parent-child relationship may evolve in response to changes in your own personal circumstances.

2. Would it be possible for you to sit down and have a constructive conversation about your differing views on child education?

It is often the case that a good marital relationship requires a good communication model. Once all problems are communicated, they can often be resolved or alleviated.

It might be helpful to try to sit down and have a good chat with your partner.

It might be helpful to consider how he views your marriage and how you view each other as a couple. You may also find it beneficial to talk about your views and how the other person's actions at home make you feel.

It's possible that your attitude towards him is sometimes perceived as being negative, and that he may also feel this way. It's important to be mindful of this, as it can affect the way you interact with each other and influence your behaviour.

3. Have you considered the possibility of divorce? Before making this choice, it might be helpful to reflect on your own situation.

If you are afraid to get a divorce because of your children, it might be helpful to consider whether the choice you have made for the sake of your children is truly the best one. You have been putting up with a marriage you don't like every day for the sake of your children, but it might be beneficial to think about how you can be a kind and loving parent to your children.

It would be beneficial to consider whether the child would be happy in this situation. It is important to remember that children are very sensitive and can often sense the mood of their parents.

It is worth noting that the way parents live their lives can have a significant impact on the happiness of their children.

I know you love your children very much. Before you can be responsible for him, it would be helpful to focus on your own wellbeing.

Once you have identified your genuine needs and possibilities, it would be beneficial to communicate these to your children. They will likely comprehend and respect your decisions.

4. It might be helpful to try to observe this person carefully, to see what kind of person he or she is by nature, and to identify the strengths and weaknesses in this person.

It would be beneficial to take some time to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings before engaging with others. This is an important first step in the process.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It might be helpful to try to find the things you admire about him every day. Or, if you feel he has a certain sense of responsibility, you could look at the aspects of his behavior that make you feel he is responsible every day.

If it would be helpful, you can also record it.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might consider mentioning to your partner what you find unacceptable about his behavior. It's important to approach this in a way that is not accusatory.

5. If you find that a divorce is not an option for you at this time, it might be helpful to consider whether there is still hope for your marriage and what you can do to improve it.

Running a marriage is akin to sculpting a work of art. It requires a great deal of investment and a deep desire for a harmonious marriage. There are various challenges that arise along the way, and it's natural for everyone to encounter them.

A good marriage is not one that is free of difficulties, but one that learns to overcome them little by little.

In the unfortunate event of an unhappy marriage, divorce can indeed provide a swift resolution to your suffering. However, it is important to recognize that the underlying issues may not be entirely resolved.

Divorce can potentially mark the beginning of a better life, but only if you truly desire it and are not merely avoiding challenges.

I believe that when you know yourself well enough and have a clear understanding of your problems, you will naturally understand how to make the choice.

No matter what you choose, it is always important to consider your own feelings and needs first. Once you have learned to take responsibility for yourself, you will also be able to take responsibility for your child.

I hope that the world and I can show you our love, and that all the good things in the world can be intertwined with you.