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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, question asker! I'm Qi Ao Bu Xun, your Heart Exploration coach.
Thanks for putting your trust in me. I can see that there are some serious issues in your marriage. Your husband suddenly proposed divorce as a mid-life rebellion, and he's being pretty firm about it. You're surprised and flustered inside. Where do you go from here? Is divorce really the only way out?
What if my husband decides he wants a divorce in his middle age?
After looking at the situation, you're not actually ready to get a divorce, are you? After all, you have a child together, and he's also very concerned about the child. There are too many unknowns. Can divorce really solve all problems?
Your husband's attitude is making you feel desperate. The reality is that he has had a serious pay cut and is under pressure from the mortgage, so he is hell-bent on getting a divorce and selling the house. You admit that there are indeed problems in your relationship. You are highly controlling and don't show enough concern for him. He has been putting up with it and has never said that he is unhappy with life. Now he has moved in with relatives for two months and just doesn't want to talk about relationship issues with you. What should you do?
You want to stick with the marriage and work through the issues together, but he's not communicating. How can you get him to open up? You've identified your own challenges, but you still want to salvage the marriage. You feel like there's still hope and that you can get through it. Do you think he feels the same way?
Is divorce really the answer to everything?
Stay calm and rational. There are many problems with mid-life divorces, but they are not easy either. Not only does it cause great harm to both spouses, it also has a great impact on children and the family. Divorce is not the end of the problem, but the beginning. Both spouses need to face arguments, cold wars, and various legal procedures, which will bring you mental and physical stress. The most critical point is that divorce will harm children, and you are also worried about this, aren't you!
How will the child handle the separation of the family and the journey?
Take a moment to think about the marriage problem. When you're facing one, your first reaction is often, "Did I do something wrong? Why are you divorcing me?"
In any case, you should take a closer look at the heart of the problem, do some self-reflection, explore better solutions together, and communicate honestly to find the root of the problem, understand each other's needs and feelings, and seek the best solution.
If you and your partner can't agree on how to move forward, you might want to consider seeking outside help from a professional marriage counselor or psychologist. They can provide you with objective advice and guidance to help you find a solution to the problem and identify the root cause. It's important to remain calm and rational, avoid giving up on the marriage easily, and work hard to repair and improve it. Negotiating a solution to the current problem is also essential. Avoidance is not the best solution.
It's important to communicate well in a marriage. Both partners need to put in more effort and pay more attention. They should also learn to listen to each other and respect each other's views. Communication is the basis for solving problems and resolving conflicts. Effective communication can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts between you and enhance understanding and trust between you as a couple. Now that he has suddenly proposed divorce, you should try to have a good talk to see what the other person's real demands are. Is it really irreparable?
Is there something else going on? You need to figure it out first.
When you're facing difficulties in your marriage, it's important to work together to find a solution. Since you both care about your children, you don't want to hurt them because of your differences. Try to be understanding and tolerant, and remember that conflicts are normal in any relationship. Divorce can temporarily solve the immediate crisis, but it's not a long-term solution. Can you sell the house to reduce the pressure? Wouldn't it be better if you could bear it together?
So, you need to communicate and negotiate with him properly, work hard until the end, and both of you should look for solutions together and work on improving your own and your marriage relationships. Give it a try!
The book "Intimate Relationships" can help you work through problems in your marriage, understand each other's character flaws, and decide whether to stay together. It also provides guidance on managing your marriage effectively.
I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, you can find me on my personal website. Just click on the Heart Exploration service and send me a message. Best wishes,
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Comments
I understand how deeply upsetting this must be for you. It sounds like you're willing to make changes and work through the issues. Maybe focusing on rebuilding trust and showing him, not just through words but actions, that you're committed to understanding his needs could help. Counseling together might provide a neutral ground to express feelings and concerns.
It's heartbreaking to hear about your situation. Perhaps reaching out to him with empathy and acknowledging past mistakes can open up lines of communication. Showing genuine effort to change and seeking couple's therapy could be a way forward. Sometimes external support helps in finding common ground.
Your dedication to saving the marriage is admirable. Have you considered expressing your willingness to change through writing a heartfelt letter? That way, he can take time to read and reflect on your thoughts without feeling pressured. Professional counseling might also facilitate more productive discussions between you two.
This must be incredibly tough for you. If you feel there's still hope, perhaps initiating calm conversations about what you've learned and how you wish to improve could resonate with him. Reaching out to a mediator or counselor can offer structured guidance as you both navigate these challenges.
It's clear you don't want to let go easily. Offering him space while demonstrating your commitment to change might encourage him to reconsider. Engaging in individual therapy could help you grow personally, which might inspire him to see the potential for growth in the relationship too.