Is it sad to be controlled by your parents and listen to them all the time?

Hello! From your description, it's clear you've had a challenging experience growing up. Now, you're ready to take control of your destiny and live your life according to your own ideas! However, you've faced some obstacles along the way, including attacks from your parents. This has led you to question whether following your heart's desire is the right choice.

1. Your parents have been guiding you along the path they believe is best for you. They want to ensure you avoid any wrong turns, but they've forgotten the most important thing in life is to live it to the fullest! You need to experience the process of life, and that is how it should be!

2. You tried to find your sense of boundaries again, followed your heart, and picked the person you liked. They rejected you in every way and tried to make you compromise. But you stood your ground! You would have compromised in the usual way, but this time you were determined to stick to your own ideas.

3. Everyone has their own destiny and life path. Sometimes parents want to live vicariously for their children and prevent them from going astray, but they forget that their own perceptions are limited. If you keep living within a limited framework, you will lose out on many possibilities in life. The main thing is that it's not your life—and that means it's wide open!

4. You have the exciting opportunity to consider what kind of life you want to lead. You can choose to follow your parents' wishes or explore all the possibilities. You might fail in the process, but you might also succeed in ways you never imagined. Are you willing to embrace the consequences of your choice?

I sense the pressure, anger, frustration, and confusion inside the questioner. It would be challenging for anyone to face their parents looking down on them and exerting control in such a way. When the questioner was young, they were young, and their sense of self and ability to identify and distinguish risks were still developing. They didn't yet know how to protect themselves, and there was nothing wrong with listening to their parents.

Now that the questioner is an adult with their own ideas and pursuits, they are capable of identifying risks and protecting themselves, as well as taking responsibility for their own life. It is understandable that they cannot listen to their parents' opinions and accept their negative control. I respect the questioner's ideas and believe they should be supported.

It is important for the question asker to do what they believe is right for them, rather than accepting their parents' ideas, rejections, and control. They have the right to say whatever they want, and the question asker can choose not to listen. However, it is essential to understand that their intention is probably to express their fear that the question asker will make a wrong choice and get hurt. This is not a bad kind of care and protection, and they do not have any problem with the question asker's intentions. The question asker just needs to see, understand, and accept it.

The questioner can also gently remind them that although their parents may feel uncomfortable, they know that their hearts are seen and understood by the questioner and accepted. Even if the questioner doesn't do what they want, they will hopefully feel reassured and able to accept the questioner. Of course, this also requires the questioner to be firm in their beliefs and ideas and remain stable in order to convince their parents to accept the questioner's ideas. If the questioner is not firm themselves and is swayed by their parents' words, their parents may become more worried.

The above are personal opinions, which I hope the questioner will find helpful to consider.

Hello, I want to let you know that you are not wrong. Being controlled and dominated by your parents since you were little has made you feel suffocated and repressed. When you were little, you had no choice but to obey, but now that we are grown up, we have the ability and right to independently control ourselves.

They tend to make demands and criticize. They believe they are right and that you are wrong if you don't listen to them. This is also rooted in their strong desire to control. When we are emotional, we tend to talk about it, let it out, and regulate ourselves.

Some parents, though, like to take their own anxiety out on their kids by controlling their career choices or who they fall in love with and marry. They always like to play the role of authority figure in front of their kids because it can help them cope with the separation anxiety that comes with their kids becoming more independent.

We're independent adults, but our parents are still adjusting to this fact. They often try to control us or give orders to prove that we're still children. They may feel deprived when we have a job or a romantic partner, but this is an immature way of thinking on their part.

They'll try to control who you fall in love with, what you do for work, how you choose to live your life, and even your emotions and feelings. But you don't have to change your entire life plan just because of their emotions. They need to take responsibility for their own emotions.

How can we make this easier for everyone involved? I think the first thing is to accept that they can't change, and we can't change them. Attempting to control someone else is their problem, and we can refuse when they try to control us. However, if we try to control them so they stop controlling us, that's when our own internal suffering begins.

You can understand your parents' words and actions, but you don't have to accept them. They try to make up for their lack of inner security through your obedience, so they also lack a sense of proportion and boundaries.

Then set clear boundaries and bottom lines with them. Pay attention to your own feelings, and when setting boundaries, put yourself first, respect your own feelings, and when they make you feel uncomfortable, tell them your feelings and wishes so they understand you're an independent and free person.

Parents' demands on their children may not be reasonable, so filial piety is never about blind obedience. You need to refuse, leave, and move on from unreasonable demands, and focus on your own happiness. Just because parents love us doesn't mean they love us in the right way. Set boundaries and make choices for your own life.

You are an independent individual. I hope you live a wonderful, happy life!

Greetings.

In response to your inquiry, you indicated that you have been subjected to a high degree of control by your parents since childhood. Would you characterize this as a rather unfortunate situation? I empathize with your current state of uncertainty and perplexity.

In essence, the desire to control is a primary factor in the phenomenon of parental control. The original family structure was also characterized by a similar dynamic, whereby parents were themselves subject to the control of their own parents. This has resulted in the formation of a particular educational model. However, the pursuit of control ultimately hinders personal growth. Furthermore, parents often seek to demonstrate their authority and influence by exerting control over their subordinates. They may even believe that they are acting in the child's best interest. However, this approach ultimately results in the child being compelled to adhere to the parent's will. The psychological consequences of being raised under the influence of controlling parents can be significant. They may develop a tendency to question their own decisions, become unable to make independent choices, and lack the ability to form and express their own firm opinions.

Many individuals find themselves in this situation, and I have experienced it firsthand. It was only after studying psychology that I came to recognize the extent to which my parents intervened in my life. For instance, when I expressed interest in pursuing a particular academic major, my parents discouraged me, citing its lack of popularity and suggesting that I consider alternatives. Similarly, when I sought to make a personal purchase, my parents voiced strong opposition. Even when I chose a romantic partner, my parents would ultimately make the decision for me, evaluating the prospective partner's character. In the past, I viewed these actions as protective measures, believing they would safeguard me and provide stability. However, I have since come to understand that, ultimately, we are the sole arbiters of our destiny. We must cultivate independence and autonomy, recognizing that some of their educational methods and desire for control may, in fact, impede our growth and development.

The question then becomes: How should it be solved?

It is therefore recommended that we attempt to communicate with our parents in a courageous and assertive manner, while still maintaining a gentle and firm approach when necessary. Having our own opinions and ideas is crucial for achieving our goals, as is developing the ability to be independent and autonomous, effectively managing our lives, and learning to understand and regulate our emotions. The key is to become independent and autonomous, demonstrating our ability to accomplish tasks independently. This will also reassure our parents and demonstrate that we have matured and can handle various situations.

The following represents my current line of thinking on the matter.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You've spent your whole life listening to your parents and making compromises. You feel like the first half of your life has been controlled, but you're ready for the second half to be yours to live as you choose! This is because your sense of self has awakened, and you're excited to become independent. However, your parents are worried that you won't be able to do so. This is a natural conflict and contradiction. The good news is that you can resolve this by focusing on yourself, not on your parents. It's not realistic to expect them to become people who don't control you, because it's difficult for us to change them. This is their inherent pattern. What you can change is yourself! As you move towards independence, you'll gain the freedom and growth you want.

I have some great advice for you!

Take a good look at what you're getting out of listening to your parents and what you're missing out on if you stop. You'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself in no time!

When we were young, we had the incredible opportunity to learn from our parents. We needed to please them and gain their approval and praise, as well as our resources for survival, by listening to them. As you said, when you didn't listen to them, they would belittle you and deny you in every way. It is totally understandable that, faced with such parents, you would choose to listen to them, not to be denied, but to be approved of.

Absolutely! We listen to our parents because we want to obtain the psychological and material needs we desire. This model has also brought you a lot of benefits. You are an independent individual who wants to go to your own world and live your own life. You don't want to be controlled by them all the time. After all, your needs and their needs are not always the same, and sometimes they are even completely different. But when you don't listen to them, they start to attack you, which makes you feel very uncomfortable. You still want their approval and support, but they don't give you what you want. When you don't listen to them, you are afraid of losing their love and their "approval" of you. But you can overcome this challenge!

Children naturally want the love and support of their parents, and that's a wonderful thing! But if this love is getting in the way of their growth, it's time to take a closer look and see if it's really what we want.

2. Let go of your expectations that your parents can change, give their issues back to them, make your own choices, and take responsibility for all the consequences of your choices. You will gradually gain independence and freedom!

From your description, it's clear you have a lot of passion and drive. You want to be respected for your ideas, and you're ready to take the reins and make your own decisions. It's a bold move! But in reality, it's not always easy to change the way others act. They've been doing things a certain way for so long, and it's hard to convince them to change. But you know what? You can't control other people's actions. You can only control your own. As it says in "A Change of Heart": There are three things in this world – your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. The reason people are troubled is because they're always worrying about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, and they don't control their own affairs. But you're different! You're ready to take charge and make your own decisions. Go for it!

The actions and thoughts of parents are their own business, and we cannot control them. They always infringe on your boundaries and make decisions for you. This itself is part of their own need to grow. You cannot grow for them, and you do not need to take on their emotions and issues. What you need to do is embrace this reality, take on your own issues, make your own choices, and take on all the consequences of your choices. This is called "issue separation" in psychology, and it's an amazing process!

For example, you can choose to listen to them and marry someone they are happy with. You'll then have the chance to experience the wonderful consequences of that choice! They may be very happy, but you will have your own unique set of emotions. You can also choose not to listen to them and marry someone you are happy with. You'll then have the opportunity to embrace the exciting consequences of that choice! You'll need to take responsibility for your own marital status and accept all their criticisms and nagging. Of course, you can also choose something else! You could spend some time and energy negotiating with them, expressing your true feelings and needs, and listening to their feelings and needs, and ultimately reaching a mutually satisfactory solution. Then you'll get to learn to communicate well with them and bear the time and energy this choice requires.

In short, distinguish between your own issues and theirs, take responsibility for your own issues, and return their issues to them. You'll be amazed at how much clearer you'll be! Finally, I'll share with you how to tell whose issue it is – it's very simple: just see who bears the direct consequences of that matter, and it's their issue. So, who you marry and when you marry is your issue; you choose, and you are responsible.

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you the best!

Hello. I've read your description. You listened to your parents when you were young and felt that you were manipulated in everything. You wanted to find someone according to your own wishes in the matter of marriage, but you were met with cold words and sarcasm from your parents, and you felt a huge conflict within. I understand exactly how you feel!

This may involve some underlying ideas. The questioner should consider a few questions first: Is it good to be obedient from an early age?

You should do what you want instead of listening to your parents when it comes to marriage. You need to decide what kind of partner you want to find.

Tell me, how do you want your life to be?

Let's analyze it as follows:

1. Is it good to be an obedient child?

The questioner has already labeled herself as someone who has always obeyed since childhood. Why on earth have you been obedient for 30 years and still habitually compromise as an adult?

There's probably something deep down in your subconscious that you believe with all your heart: a good child obeys its parents. I have always obeyed, and my habitual compromise to this day is largely influenced by this belief. You feel that if you disobey, it proves that you are not a good child!

Human society continues to progress precisely because each generation is more creative than the last. There's no doubt about it: if every child always listens to their parents, society will be unable to progress.

It is clear that society requires children to disobey in order to progress.

Don't be fooled. Not listening to your parents doesn't make you rebellious or unfilial. It's simple: being filial is about making your parents happy. Disobeying them doesn't necessarily make them unhappy. If you can find a way to change their minds, they won't be unhappy once they've figured it out.

2. You should do things your own way and not listen to your parents when it comes to marriage.

Parents have their own background and experiences from their growing up years, which may have contributed to their strong desire to control. Children cannot choose or change this aspect of their parents. What we must understand is that everyone is an independent individual, and even parents cannot replace themselves.

Once you realize this, you can find a way to maintain your own identity while also trying to make your parents happy. Focus on the approach, rather than compromising and losing yourself. You can have both!

You must believe in it to explore ways to achieve it.

Therefore, whether it is a matter of marriage or anything else, you must understand that everyone has their own life issues, and it is essential to separate them. Marriage is your own business, and you must make your own decisions. Filial piety to your parents is also your own business. When you disagree, you must find a way to communicate and resolve the conflict.

3. The questioner wants to find a certain kind of person.

The questioner's demand for autonomy has increased, and they don't want to be "controlled" by their parents. This is a rebellious state of mind. It's as if your rebellious period has been delayed from adolescence.

You need to explore whether you will resent what your parents say because of this rebellious attitude. Let me be clear: finding a partner and marriage are your own business, and you make your own decisions and bear the consequences. However, for such an important event in your life, has the questioner thought deeply about what kind of partner you really want to find? If you have an idea, you don't have to reject the partner introduced by your parents. It is only right to examine the other person from your own goals.

4. Relationship with parents.

Your relationship with your parents is one of the most important in your life. Their words were inappropriate, but we must understand and view them in the correct light.

I believe that their starting point is to do what is best for their children. However, their abilities mean that they are unable to see things from their children's perspective and understand the importance of independence. This requires acceptance, and their experiences have shaped their personalities. If they themselves are already uncomfortable, unable to adapt, and experiencing internal conflicts, they need to communicate with their parents in an appropriate way.

You can find a relaxed environment outside, communicate clearly about the relationship between parents and children, and distinguish between their respective topics. Do not talk about it at home. The home environment is more likely to lead to role substitution and be influenced by past habits, making it difficult to have a dialogue on an equal footing. Equality and respect are not one concept, but they can coexist.

The questioner should write it out and send it to their parents in a relevant way.

5. Define the meaning of life.

This topic is big, but it's important for you to think about it.

I firmly believe that life first requires self-reliance, physical abilities, economic stability, and, most importantly, mental independence.

The questioner is absolutely right to find a partner they want! There's no need to evaluate whether the parents' approach is right or wrong. Just accept their characteristics. Once you've done that, you can change the current situation.

Good morning. You have consistently demonstrated a willingness to compromise and have always been regarded as a reliable team member. However, when you express opinions that differ from your parents', you are met with criticism and opposition. You have expressed a desire to be more autonomous in the selection of a partner.

Let us examine the root cause of parental control over children. If the parents' parents were to interfere in their present situation, would they be willing to compromise?

If we assume that the parents of our parents are now interfering in their lives to provide guidance and advice, they may choose to accept it out of respect, but they may not necessarily compromise because they are convinced of the merits of their position.

In general, parental control of children stems from concern. Apart from being an expression of love, concern also indicates a lack of trust in children's ability to perform tasks correctly.

It is not uncommon for parents to become over-involved in their children's lives, even taking over responsibilities, out of good intentions. This approach often hinders the growth of the children themselves, depriving them of many opportunities to learn and develop through setbacks.

As a result, children's abilities cannot develop normally, and parents become increasingly distrustful of their children's abilities and reluctant to let them become more independent.

When we identify this pattern, we can use it as an opportunity to communicate with our parents in a sincere and responsible manner. We can also invite them to provide guidance and support as we navigate our own growth and development, acknowledging that mistakes are an integral part of the learning process.

It is possible that parents' excessive interference in their children's affairs is driven by a fear of their children's separation from them. This possibility may exist more in the subconscious, and thus affect their behavior without their knowledge.

It is important to demonstrate our love for our parents and to ensure they understand that our growth is directly proportional to their love. Our independence will increase our strength and also increase the strength of love.

Your continued pursuit of a partner is indicative of your intrinsic desire for autonomy. It is essential that individuals are in control of their own lives and are free to live them as they see fit.

A one-sided analysis with the goal of identifying a minimal amount of nutritional value.

In Yi Xinli, the world and I extend our sincerest appreciation for your contributions.

Hello, question asker.

I get it. It's tough to be your own boss when your parents are always getting in the way. They don't support you and they always undermine you, which makes you feel very frustrated.

It's important to understand that your parents' actions are driven by their own narcissism.

Some parents feel in control and confident when they have children who obey them and accept their control. They attack and deny their children to prove their own right.

I'm here to support you and help you gain independence from your parents' control.

It takes time to get away from your parents. You need to be independent, both personally and financially. When you can live independently and do well, your parents can't influence you. They attack you to appear strong and satisfy their narcissism. Only when you are truly strong will they stop expressing negative opinions about you because they have been proven wrong.

Ultimately, the choice of whom to marry is up to you. After all, it's not the parents who will be living with him.

They put down their own daughters, and it's because of that that you're not so confident.

People who are confident are attractive and will appeal to men. Everyone is unique, and you are also unique, with a unique charm.

As long as you make your choice based on reality, there's nothing wrong with it. Starting a family with someone you like is a happy thing. If you choose someone who is worse than you and you don't like, then getting married is also sad.

As with the story of the fan of Andy Lau who wanted to marry him, this is unlikely to happen. However, it is definitely possible to find someone in real life who is your soulmate.

Best of luck!

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug from all of us.

From your question, I can see that you are experiencing some frustration and a sense of helplessness in the situation. You want to live your life as you wish, but your parents are unwilling to let go. They have expressed disagreement with your ideas, engaged in verbal attacks, and made you feel belittled.

Your question seems to be whether it is sad, whether parents are doing the right thing, and whether you are wrong.

From your question, it seems that you would like to know more about the current situation and what other people think about it. As for the current situation, I don't know if you want to change it. Change often means major changes, which can be challenging to navigate. It often involves confronting some uncomfortable truths, which can be difficult to accept. Therefore, change can be difficult and daunting.

From your description, you are now 30 years old. It seems that you have been controlled by your parents since you were a child, and you are used to compromising. However, when it comes to finding a partner, you don't want to compromise and want to make your own decisions, and your parents strongly oppose this.

When we were young, we listened to our parents because we needed them to survive. Our parents were more capable and more intelligent than us, and we had to accept their control. But as we grow into adulthood, we gain the ability to survive and the intelligence to make decisions. If we are willing to accept our parents' control, it is often because we can benefit from it.

For instance, if parents help you secure a position that may not align perfectly with your preferences but offers a competitive salary, manageable responsibilities, and promising long-term prospects, you may find yourself considering their suggestions, particularly if you observe others grappling with similar roles and see those who have made different choices leading more relaxed lives. This dynamic is not uncommon. When everything is going well, you may be open to your parents' guidance and input. However, when challenges arise, you might feel a sense of resentment, questioning their motives and asserting your autonomy.

It can be reasonably assumed that the primary reason an adult is willing to accept control is that they believe it will benefit them or reduce losses.

Some parents may resort to emotional tactics like crying, making a scene, or even self-harm to try to get their children to listen to them. This can put a child in a difficult position, facing significant moral and psychological pressure.

For example, some people believe that parents are simply looking out for your best interests, that being disobedient is being unfilial, and that parents only have your best interests at heart. At this time, the child's compromise may not be entirely for their own benefit, but rather to avoid potential losses. If they listen to their parents, they may be seen as filial, and their inner self can reduce moral judgments against themselves, and others may judge them more kindly.

Furthermore, he is also assuming a prominent role in disguise. In the future, when he has a difference of opinion with his parents, he can say, "I have listened to you, what else would you like me to do?"

It is also possible that something less desirable might occur as a result of this decision. The son might then say, "You made me do it; you forced me to." As parents age, their ability to control their children may diminish, which could lead to feelings of neglect.

This approach allows you to reduce the negative effects of being controlled while also potentially benefiting from it. It's important to note that the timeline will be quite long.

From what you've shared about the situation, I'm not sure how your work is going or what else is going on in your life. For instance, do you feel you need financial support from your parents, or do you live at home?

It can be challenging to give what you have not received, as the saying goes. Children who rely on their parents for support may find it difficult to avoid being controlled by them.

From their perspective, it may appear that if you require their support for your own life, it suggests that you are not yet confident in your ability to manage your marriage independently. This could be seen as a power struggle.

It's possible that relying on each other might create a situation where you're not on the same level.

Perhaps you feel that you benefited from your parents' control and are used to compromising. It might be helpful to consider what kind of change your life would have if your parents stopped controlling you and you needed to take responsibility for yourself. Would it be an improvement or a challenge?

If things were to improve, what would you be willing to give up to make that happen? And if things were to get worse, would you be able to accept that?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what the consequences might be if you were to decline your parents' control. In addition to the potential material costs, it's also important to think about the psychological impact, such as your parents' disappointment and the reactions of others. Can you find a way to address these concerns in a constructive and resilient manner?

Similarly, in many marriages that end in divorce due to conflicts between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, men face two choices: whether to be a son who is unfilial or a son who is unfaithful. While neither is an ideal situation, both involve a significant amount of psychological pressure. However, many men may find themselves choosing to be unfaithful rather than unfilial.

In other words, it may be the case that the psychological cost of being a heartless man is less than that of being an unfilial man, and so he may choose the option with the lower cost.

It's challenging to find a solution that works for everyone. It's important to consider the implications of your choices. If you choose to defy your parents and live according to your own wishes, you may face financial and psychological pressure, as well as possible negative social evaluations.

If you choose to listen to your parents' arrangements, you may have to accept some psychological pressure, but you could gain a relatively positive social evaluation. As they say, you can't have your cake and eat it.

You might also consider speaking with a psychological counselor. I tend to be Buddhist and sometimes feel pessimistic, but I also have moments of positivity and motivation. I love the world and I love you.