Is there any hope for a marriage that has mutual disdain and no communication?

Dear question asker, I can perceive the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend my support to you.

After nine years of marriage, you and your husband have reached a point of exhaustion and disillusionment.

It seems reasonable to posit that at the outset of the relationship, there was a greater degree of conversational activity than is currently the case.

In particular, the demands of raising two children may have left you with limited time for meaningful dialogue.

It is possible that each time you attempt to communicate with him, it is because you require his assistance to resolve a particular issue.

Therefore, it is likely that he will eventually become disinclined to communicate with you.

In a previous article, the author posited that a successful marriage requires three fundamental elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

It may be beneficial to consider implementing a daily exchange with your husband for approximately 30 minutes before going to sleep. This could involve discussing interesting experiences or observations from your day.

As an alternative, one might consider surprising him on a weekly basis.

For example, one might arrange for the husband to be picked up from work and taken to a restaurant with live music for a candlelit dinner. Following this, one could then lead him onto the dance floor to dance to the music of the piano accompaniment. It should be noted that this example presupposes that childcare arrangements have been made for the couple's two children that evening.

Should the necessity arise, the option of bringing one's husband to a couples counseling session is available.

Professional counselors are equipped with the expertise to provide more informed guidance.

It is my sincere hope that the problem you are currently experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this juncture, my thoughts are solely directed towards the aforementioned subject matter.

It is my sincere hope that my above answer will prove both helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I endeavor to provide thoughtful and well-researched responses on a daily basis.

Best wishes from Yixinli.

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The questioner, dreams are often a reflection of our deepest emotions and desires. You dreamed of the wedding you were looking forward to, which reflects your longing for a happy married life. It's totally understandable that the reality of married life is far from your expectations, which makes you feel lost and confused.

From what you've told me, it seems like there's a bit of a communication breakdown between you and your husband. It's totally normal for there to be misunderstandings in any relationship, but it's important to talk about your feelings and needs so you can work through them together.

I also want to talk about the conflicts you mentioned with your husband's family. These are really important for your relationship. It seems like it's really hard to make things better, and you feel like you're letting your husband down.

I really think that you should try to have a good, long chat with your husband. It's so important to be able to talk things through with each other. You need to be able to express your feelings and needs, and listen to his thoughts and feelings too. Only through open and honest communication can you understand each other and find a solution to the problem.

If you're having trouble communicating or if you feel like your marriage just isn't working, it might be helpful to speak with a marriage counselor or psychotherapist. They can offer more specific advice and guidance to help you work through the issues in your marriage.

It's so hard to know whether to say goodbye, isn't it? It's a very personal decision. You need to think carefully about your feelings and needs, as well as what marriage means to you.

If you feel that this marriage can no longer bring you happiness and satisfaction, then ending it may be a better option. But before doing so, make sure you have fully considered all the possibilities and consequences, okay?

And remember, whatever you decide, stay positive and confident! Life is full of surprises and possibilities, and you have the power to create your own happiness.

Dear question asker,

From your description, it seems that you are longing for a perfect wedding, closeness with your husband, and inner satisfaction. These are your current desires. In reality, your husband is not willing to communicate with you, but he is taking care of the household chores and is responsible for the children.

This pattern can lead to feelings of depression. You may feel that you cannot let go of your past obsessions, which could result in your husband and family becoming estranged. You are in a challenging situation, and it can be difficult to know how to break the ice with your husband. I understand how you feel.

From what you have described, it seems that your husband has taken on the responsibilities of the family and has also done a good job of clearly dividing up the work. However, it seems that he is reluctant to communicate with you. Could this situation be related to a past issue that he is still dealing with?

It might be helpful to consider communicating with your husband. Even if he avoids communication with you, you can still express your thoughts and feelings to him.

It is possible that he will remain silent, but it is also likely that he will be thinking.

Perhaps the most important thing to consider before communicating is what kind of life you want. It might be helpful to think about whether there are any conflicts with your in-laws from the past that you cannot resolve. Have they become a source of tension and conflict in your husband's heart as well?

He has already united with you in your choice, but the unbreakable family ties have also made him miss them more and more as the years go by. It might be helpful to consider how you would feel if you were to abandon your parents.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this.

Of course, the past conflicts have really hurt you, and it's understandable that you can't let go and care about them. You don't have to reconcile with your in-laws, but you may wish to consider allowing your husband the freedom to make his own choices.

Perhaps there is a way to find a breakthrough in this knot in the heart. It's not that there is no affection between you, but rather that the affection is not flowing freely because of the knot in the heart. It might be helpful for either you or your husband to take the initiative to resolve it.

Additionally, the emotions and satisfaction you experienced in your dream were unique to you. When you attempted to communicate with your husband in the middle of the night, he hadn't had those experiences and wasn't aware of your feelings. It's likely that he wasn't even aware of your strong desire to share. It's understandable that people are often tired in the middle of the night and just want to sleep to cope with the demands of the day, which can make communication challenging. You may need to find ways to comfort yourself.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well!

Hello, question asker! I'm Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you.

From what you've said, I can tell you're really struggling. It sounds like you're sad about your nine-year marriage and blaming yourself for things.

Let's talk about it!

1. Your dream is gorgeous.

It was a beautiful dream, just as you imagined it would be.

From a psychological perspective, dreams are shaped by repressed desires within our subconscious. This was the wedding you had envisioned, so why wasn't there a wedding, or even the wedding you wanted?

Who is this person you mentioned?

This is a question that goes deep into your heart, which will help you find the real issue at hand. Find a quiet environment, close your eyes, imagine the scene, and see what happened inside.

2. When you wake up from the dream, you want to share this happy dream with your husband, but he rejects you.

From your perspective, you really want to share this happiness with your husband. This is your idea of the perfect wedding. But he rejected you, and you were very disappointed. You were even more disappointed that your husband treated you this way.

From his perspective, what he wants most is to go to bed.

Just because they have different preferences doesn't mean your wishes are invalid or that you did something wrong. They're simply considering what they want.

3. You're still as busy as usual with your kids, and there's no communication.

I can understand why you're feeling bad and lonely in this kind of marriage.

You also said that your husband seems happy when he's around other people, but he's very quiet when he's with you. You feel like this is your fault and that you're a burden to him.

You know, dear, you haven't done anything wrong. Everyone does what they do because that's what they want to do. It's their own choice, and even if they're unhappy, they're the ones responsible for dealing with their emotions.

However, we should also keep in mind that when it comes to your husband, it's important to focus on your own feelings and thoughts.

You might want to try this: When you feel like your husband is silent, ask yourself how you feel and what you think. Does it make you feel sad and self-blame?

If you think you're not good enough and that you've done something wrong, that's your negative self-evaluation system. Look at the good things you do in your daily life and give yourself more recognition and affirmation.

Or you can practice mirroring every day to praise yourself. You are actually pretty great, and you deserve to live and wed as you wish.

4. Communication between husband and wife

In a couple's chat, focus on understanding the other person's perspective and feelings. Be open and honest about your own thoughts and feelings, but avoid making it about the other person.

Try to start a conversation with your husband, even when he's with the kids. Or come up with a topic to talk about with him.

When chatting with the other person, it's important to maintain a calm mood. This will attract them and encourage them to open up and respond to you.

If you're unhappy in your marriage, it'll affect him too. Women tend to be more open about their feelings, but men are more likely to keep them to themselves.

Take the time to recognize the good in yourself and give yourself a little more praise. Do the same with your husband. Let him know what you appreciate about him. This will help to warm his heart.

5. You mentioned that you both have something that bothers you.

Because of this, your marriage has been hurt, as has your intimacy.

This issue that you can't let go of is filled with resentment and hatred towards your in-laws. And your husband's parents have resentment towards him because of your feelings, which is a pain for him.

I think your issues with your in-laws stem from something they did that upset you. It's okay to feel dissatisfied and disgusted, and you haven't done anything wrong.

Also, have you brought up this incident with your husband more than once? What did you say?

Did you say that his parents were wrong, or did you just tell him how you felt about something they did? The way you phrase it will make your husband feel differently.

6. Did he say that you were to blame for him not being able to be reunited with his parents?

For a married man, the biggest dilemma is choosing between his wife and his parents. No matter who he chooses, he'll feel like he's not good enough, which will make him even more disgusted and dissatisfied with himself.

Nobody wants to see the bad in themselves.

Have you ever thought that your husband chose you over his parents? It shows he values you above them and is invested in your relationship. His silence might be a sign that he's struggling with some negative emotions, which is something we can support him with.

It's similar to how you feel when you're unhappy with yourself and suffering.

It might seem like your marriage is on the rocks, but the real issue isn't whether you should call it quits. It's about pinpointing the root causes of your unhappiness and finding solutions.

Just because you love each other doesn't mean marriage is a smooth ride. It's a new path for a man and a woman. Love can keep you happy and connected, but marriage has other things too. The most important thing is to manage your intimacy, which involves dealing with all kinds of conflicts and problems caused when one partner is at a loss because of the other's actions.

Your partner is like a mirror, reflecting your own personal journey. Marriage will push you to grow through problems, and through your partner, you'll see your own problems and your partner's, which will also encourage growth.

Not every happy marriage is happy all the time. It's often the result of having gone through a lot of conflicts and clashes, and sometimes it's even affected by thoughts of divorce. But it's still worth persevering.

My dear, can you see the real problem based on the above points? Can you accept the current state of your marriage and your own state?

If you let things happen as they may, you'll be better able to handle whatever life throws at you, and you'll be happier in the end.

I love you, and I wish you well!

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

In a marriage, a lack of expectations can result from a gradual accumulation of disappointments. While some problems may not be insurmountable, they can become so if they are not addressed in a timely and proactive manner. A significant number of unresolved problems can lead to a lack of ability to solve them.

Direct your attention to your aspirations.

Dreams are the output of the subconscious mind. In the questioner's dreams, she is happy and sweet, which are real emotions. The dreams serve as a reminder of her past feelings with her husband. Everything seems to be vividly clear in her mind. It can be said that everything in the dream is the questioner's inner longing and vision.

The subject was awakened in the middle of the night and encountered her husband, who was rising with the children to use the bathroom. The subject was eager to share the dream she had with her husband, but he responded with a blunt rejection, indicating that he wanted to return to sleep and asked the subject not to disturb him.

For individuals with typical sleep patterns, the onset of sleepiness is typically immediate, even when interrupted for brief periods. Disruption to this state can impede the ability to resume sleep. The husband's desire to sleep aligns with typical patterns, as does the questioner's desire to share dreams. The most appropriate course of action is to address the situation promptly and effectively.

In light of the aforementioned issues, it is imperative to address the challenges currently facing the relationship.

Facing her husband's rejection, the questioner experienced a sense of sadness and confusion. The discrepancy between her expectations and the reality of the situation seemed significant. This discrepancy prompted her to engage in a period of deep reflection, during which her thoughts became somewhat scattered. The questioner was left wondering why her relationship with her husband had reached this point. However, upon reflection, she was aware that there had been no tangible change in their relationship.

It appears that both parties are contributing to the family unit. However, there are significant issues in the relationship between the two, including a lack of communication and interaction, as well as a gradual deterioration in the relationship. Additionally, the questioner perceives a sense of resentment from her husband.

In light of the changes in their relationship, the questioner values their marriage. When the questioner strives to enhance their relationship and address the current issues, her husband deliberately avoids engagement. This pattern of interaction raises concerns for the questioner, leading her to question her role and perceive herself as a burden or source of stress for her husband.

Should this relationship be terminated?

It is not uncommon for couples in a marriage to experience conflicts. Given that two individuals are adjusting to living together after being single, it is to be expected that they will have to adapt their ways of interacting with each other. As long as conflicts are resolved, they should not have a significant impact on the relationship.

It is important to note that the questioner is aware of the issues in the relationship. However, when she attempts to improve the situation, she encounters resistance from her husband, which hinders progress. The accumulation of minor issues can have a significant impact on the couple's overall relationship.

It is crucial to establish a positive environment for children to thrive, as well as to foster a healthy relationship between spouses. For a husband who is reluctant to communicate, avoiding the issue may not be the solution. This is an opportunity for the initiator to develop a habit of open communication and sharing.

When the husband is engaged with his phone, ensure he is not occupied with a crucial task. Then, the question asker can inform her husband of her desire to share or communicate something with him, requesting he put down the phone and engage in discussion and negotiation. If successful, subsequent attempts can be made at a regular interval, gradually establishing a routine of communication.

It is important to change your mindset when facing conflicts between husband and wife. When two people choose to get married, it means that they see a future in each other and are more willing to face and support each other in moving forward together. This should be reflected in their mindset when facing conflicts. When facing conflicts between husband and wife, they should not easily think about separating. People who often think about this are just avoiding the problem and denying their own inability to solve it.

It is important to ensure that emotions do not control your thoughts. Instead, you should be the master of your emotions. It is inadvisable to make decisions when you are depressed or impulsive. Instead, you should change your mindset, face conflicts, and treat them as bosses who challenge you on the road of life. You should be prepared to face and deal with them, rather than allowing yourself to fall into negative emotions and over-speculate and seek trouble.

Learning Together: The questioner has been married to her husband for over nine years. From the beginning of their relationship to the present, the questioner has held the same view. We are unaware of the husband's thoughts on the matter, but the questioner's perception is that she does not dislike her husband, she just cannot accept his changes. If he were to revert to the way he treated her at the beginning of their relationship, the situation would remain unchanged.

Many couples become increasingly indifferent after marriage, precisely because they are unaware of the importance of protecting their marriage. They neglect the fact that after marriage, they also need to work hard to manage their relationship. Problems encountered in marriage need to be faced and discussed by both parties to find the most appropriate way to solve them. Solving problems can ease the relationship between husband and wife, and it can also allow them to learn more about intimacy management in the process of solving problems.

During the course of this marriage, the questioner and her husband have each developed grievances that they are unable to let go of. This is a factor that is affecting the relationship. In a relationship, understanding is more important than love. If you still wish to maintain this marriage, you may wish to consider learning together from courses related to intimate relationships and learning to deal with problems in the right way.

I hope my response is useful to the individual who posed the question. Best regards,

Greetings.

The 3.13 is a day of great beauty, and you have created a beautiful dream. This is your expectation. In your dream, your husband's words are full of praise and determination. This is the kind of husband you desire.

In one's dreams, there is also a figure from one's ideal, the one who poses the questions – a familiar stranger. This is an excellent question that will guide one to the core of one's family relationships, confront one with one's conflicts, solve one's problems, and lead one to happiness.

A family can be conceptualized as a system, wherein the interactions of each family member contribute to the formation of a relatively stable family structure, characterized by a specific pattern of interactions between members.

The nuclear family consists of four individuals, representing the core family unit. There is a lack of communication and a tendency to face each other with cold expressions, which is something that is not readily accepted.

However, it is evident that the familial system in question has not ceased functioning. There are no discernible irregularities, and the outward appearance is that of a harmonious and peaceful coexistence. The husband in question demonstrates a commendable work ethic, exhibiting no signs of discontent, while the wife maintains a commendable level of organization in the upbringing of their children. The familial dynamic is characterized by a certain level of activity, yet it remains stable.

After nine years of marriage, the couple has reached a point of exhaustion with one another. They have grown weary of each other's company due to the ongoing conflicts with his family, which have led to a sense of detachment on his part.

The conflicts in the extended family have been brought into the small family, affecting your relationship as a couple. However, I have found that you two are really similar. You are both highly responsible for your family and children. You are both unable to let go of the past, and neither can he. You both deal with things in a detached manner, and so does he. You both chose to avoid mentioning the anniversary of your marriage.

Both parties have chosen to avoid the issue at hand. It is evident that they both harbor negative feelings, yet they have elected to disregard them. Their avoidance may serve a purpose, ensuring the continued stability of the familial structure.

Your dream represents your expectation, which indicates that you are not rejecting your marriage or your husband. It suggests that you are not saying goodbye, but rather hoping that he will take the initiative to come back to you. It is challenging to expect others to change; you must begin changing yourself.

If one member of the family undergoes a change, the existing equilibrium will be disrupted, and the entire system will undergo a corresponding adjustment. If the objective is to break the current state of coldness, an examination of one's own actions and motivations may prove beneficial in identifying potential avenues for disrupting the current stalemate.

What measures can be taken to maintain the status quo?

Given the presence of expectations, it would be prudent to take action. One potential avenue for doing so would be to proactively identify an opportunity to engage in dialogue with one's spouse. Such an initiative could prove to be a pivotal moment in the relationship.

It is possible that there is an intermediary who can facilitate communication between the two parties and help to resolve the current difficulties in the relationship. This intermediary could be a close friend, a family member, or a professional counselor.

Discussing adult love is inherently challenging. It is my hope that you will muster the courage to take the initial step of articulating your desires and expectations in this regard.

I wish you the best of luck.

Good morning, my name is Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who utilizes imagery as a tool for communication.

The questioner inquires as to the viability of salvaging their marriage. Based on the provided description, it is evident that the marriage in question is experiencing a significant crisis.

In a marriage with minimal communication, the husband exhibits a lack of regard for his wife. He is perceived as a benevolent individual by external observers and a devoted father by his children. However, he displays indifference towards his wife. The questioner identifies the underlying cause as irreconcilable conflicts with her in-laws, which have impeded her husband's ability to unite his wife and children with the rest of the family. This has led to a sense of resentment within him.

The questioner used the phrase "heart-stabbing thorns" to describe the situation between herself and her husband. Typically, the method of dealing with foreign objects like thorns is to pull them out. However, when the questioner and her husband faced their respective "heart-stabbing thorns," one chose to "not let go," while the other chose to "avoid it." The result of either choice will lead to "suppuration."

From a physiological standpoint, pus is composed of dead white blood cell bodies and bacterial decomposition products. White blood cells serve as the body's primary defense mechanism. When medical methods to treat wounds are not yet available or not applicable, the body will first activate its protective mechanism and send white blood cells to prevent bacteria from entering the wound. Without proper treatment, a wound will not heal on its own and will require medication to prevent infection.

Similarly, your issues with your husband will not be resolved by simply ending your marriage. Addressing the problems, enduring the pain of breaking down barriers, and removing the negative aspects is not only the only way to save your marriage, but also a challenging but rewarding journey of self-discovery and spiritual healing.

In the dream wedding scenario, a single inquiry prompted the husband to express his affection for the wife. It is possible that the current marriage also requires assistance in establishing communication channels. This could include seeking guidance from a marriage and family counselor. If the husband is currently reluctant to engage in counseling, it may be beneficial to focus on healing emotional wounds first. This can facilitate positive changes in the family dynamic.

Best regards,

I have completed reading your text and, between the lines, I can discern your delicacy, your expectations, and your disappointments.

He genuinely cares for the children as if he were honoring a marital commitment. He also holds his sister in his arms and goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He fulfills his marital obligations to you, and to meet your needs, he is compelled to consider your opinions, which prevents him from reuniting with his family.

It would appear that both of these entities are designed to provide care and support.

It is possible that you perceive him as helpless. It may be that you once had a wish and he assisted you in fulfilling it. As a result, you may experience a vague pain and resentment. However, I am uncertain as to what has caused you to become like strangers to each other, so cautious in your interactions.

What are the specific factors that contribute to the emotional distress and disappointment experienced?

In your statement, what about the indications of emotional states such as calm, depression, and a certain degree of emotional distance?

From an alternative perspective, it would be beneficial to discuss the type of relationship that is desired and anticipated in this marriage. Could you please elaborate on this further?

The past cannot be undone. The question now is what obstacle lies between you and moving forward.

What is the most insurmountable factor that led to your decision to end the relationship? Have you ever considered the potential loss you might experience in the middle of the night, prompting you to miss him, and how the gentleness he once displayed affected you?

It would be beneficial to gain further insight into the specific instances that have led to these shifts in the relationship, including the emotional states that accompanied them.