It cannot be undone. What can be done to truly let go of someone you love deeply?

Hello, host!

This relationship has undoubtedly caused you both immense pain.

You both loved each other deeply, and that's why you feel such pain after parting ways.

After the breakup, you did everything you could to win her back. You took care of her and tried to show her how much you cared. But she seemed disappointed and gave up.

You can't accept this outcome, and you can't change it. So, what do you do?

From your words, I have identified two points for analysis to determine if there is any new hope for the situation.

1. Has she faced insurmountable challenges, either physically or mentally?

After the breakup, you did everything you could and should have done.

She said,

I'm not getting better. Don't waste your time and energy on me. I probably don't love you anymore.

She said it can't get better. Why?

Is there a physical illness that cannot be cured by a doctor?

It's likely a psychological issue that's making her feel desperate.

You have helped her find a cure and given her support in all aspects, including psychological, financial, and daily life.

She sees your efforts.

She said not to waste time and energy on her. She's losing confidence in herself and is probably also worried about you. She doesn't want you to work so hard for her anymore, right?

So, when she says she may not love you anymore, she's not saying you're not worthy of love. She's saying she no longer has the energy to love.

Your persistence and dedication are her hope.

Your perseverance will also put pressure on her.

If you don't see her determination and confidence, you'll also collapse if you persist for too long.

If you think she is cold and heartless, then I can only say that she needs this emotional detachment to feel a little more at ease.

Someone who doesn't think they'll get better doesn't want to burden the people who love her and the people she loves.

She is already too tired, and she doesn't want the people she loves and who love her to suffer along with her.

This will undoubtedly increase her psychological burden and make her feel that she cannot repay the favor.

She is understandably upset, but she is only considering things from her perspective.

She is unaware that for you, who love her deeply, it is a thousand times more challenging to let go than to bear.

You are not afraid of difficulties or resistance for the sake of love.

You believe that as long as two people love each other and have confidence, there is hope for improvement.

Love plays a crucial role in both physical and psychological problems.

She won't refuse your help because she thinks you love her too much.

When she feels burdened, you can't abandon her. In fact, you shouldn't even try to win her back immediately.

Take some distance and act as her best friend by doing what she needs most.

Don't take care of every little detail. It may make her feel engulfed and turn her away from you.

2. I want to know the reason for your quarrel and breakup.

She said she didn't want to anymore, that she didn't love me anymore, that she had suffered enough and cried enough. As early as the beginning of our quarrel, our feelings were gradually being drained away. Even if I took care of her in every way, she felt nothing.

She used to love you. Now, she just doesn't want to love you anymore. Let me be clear: it's not that she doesn't love you anymore.

I want to know what makes her not want to love you anymore.

Is her discomfort her own doing, or is it a result of your arguments?

If you argue because she wants to give up and you want to persevere because of her physical or mental condition, then it's clear that you two cannot agree and feel helpless.

Your text lacks crucial information, so the above possibilities are only speculations.

If these factors are present, your relationship can still be saved.

You must have strong inner strength to do this.

Stay optimistic and keep going.

As long as you know she still loves you and you're confident you can be there for her in the long term, show her.

People are particularly sensitive when they are vulnerable. If you show impatience when doing things for her or when you two get along, or if you show signs of depression or collapse, she will blame herself.

If she gives up on herself, the pressure on you will be immense. If you lack the mental strength to cope, seek help.

Also, help her deal with the problem from a psychological perspective if she encounters one that she thinks she can't solve.

Turn a new corner in her situation and your relationship.

I am confident that the above response will be helpful to you.

I am a psychological counselor, Yan Guilai. You will succeed!

From not being able to accept that the relationship is over and trying desperately to save it, to hoping that by leaving a message on the platform asking for help, they will learn how to truly let go of the person they love deeply.

No matter what, these behaviors are all a result of a heartbreaking emotional experience. The despair and pain behind them are slowly tearing and devouring the questioner's wounded soul.

I hope you find some comfort in these words and that they help to ease your pain in some way.

I hope you find some comfort in these words and that they help to ease your pain in some way.

1. You can only truly understand the depth of love once you've experienced it. This means that when you're breaking up with someone you love, you're going to feel a lot of pain and uncertainty.

From what I can tell, the questioner has done everything they could and everything they should have done. But in return, they still received a decisive response from the other party. This kind of situation, where effort and reward are not proportional, is also more likely to make someone feel hopeless and collapse.

Such devotion will only make you think more and more that "I love the other person, and I cannot live without them." And these thoughts will be even stronger when the other person is indifferent, which will make it even more unbearable.

Studies have shown that the pain caused by a broken heart activates the same brain regions as the pain felt when cutting yourself. So, heartache is not just a metaphor—it's a real pain that the brain can perceive.

So, when you're facing a situation like this, where it doesn't help to run to her with all your might, take comfort in a hug and a gentle word of concern for yourself: it hurts when you face a situation like this, and it hurts a lot. This is an inevitable process.

When you fall in love with someone, you're taking a risk. You could end up being rejected. I'm OK with that.

2. Look after yourself and try to stick to your normal routine as much as you can.

When the inner love collapses, the external life often follows suit and loses its normalcy, spiraling into disorder. If you let this happen, it will make things worse.

One way to reduce the harm is to try to eat, drink, study, work, and live as normally as possible.

Needless to say, this isn't going to be easy, and it's going to take a lot of effort to achieve.

But don't give up. Focus on maintaining a sense of stability in your daily routine.

If you're struggling to do this on your own, ask a trusted friend or family member to help you stay motivated. If you don't have anyone like this around, find a counselor to provide professional, stable, and long-lasting support. This will help you build a brand new world from the collapsed and ruined one inside your mind while maintaining the stability of the outside world.

3. It's time to say goodbye to the person you once loved, and start anew.

It's tough to say goodbye, but staying in the same place won't help. There's no need to rush this.

It's best to wait until your emotions have calmed down before beginning such a farewell.

It's also important to take your time with this goodbye.

From the start to the turning point to the end, you've seen and experienced the beginning, growth, and end of a love affair.

As a witness and participant, you can thank them for the good and apologize for the bad when you say goodbye. Then, you can write a farewell letter or go on a farewell trip to a place you always wanted to go during the relationship but never had the chance to go.

It takes courage to say goodbye. If you're not ready, there's no need to rush.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and if you've lost a loved one, try to love yourself again.

I hope you find this sharing inspiring.

I hope this sharing will be inspiring for you.

I'm a psychotherapist, not a human behaviorist. I just care about the human heart. Thanks for listening.

Hello, question asker. From your description, I can sense that you are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including sadness, distress, and a sense of helplessness. I can see that you are trying to salvage the relationship, and I can also see your sincerity. It's natural to feel hurt when we love someone and that pain is something I can relate to.

It's possible that the questioner is longing to be accepted by his girlfriend and hoping that the relationship can continue to develop. It seems that the questioner is trying his best to maintain the relationship, which is admirable. I can therefore understand your feelings at the moment. It might be helpful to try to hang in there.

1. "I thought that if I tried hard, put my heart into it, and fought for her, I could win her back and change her mind. But that was all just wishful thinking on my part. I did everything I could, everything I should have done. But when I heard her say, 'I'm not going to get better, don't waste your time and energy on me, I probably don't love you anymore,' I felt like my heart had died. I was in such pain that I didn't want to live anymore...

Despite my best efforts, I find myself unable to reach her. In the face of her indifference and apparent lack of compassion, I feel helpless. How can I possibly make amends for my actions? It seems like an impossible task.

(1) I have a quick question for the questioner. Is there something going on with your girlfriend's health? The questioner mentioned feeling unwell and said not to waste time and energy on them.

Could it be that your girlfriend chose to let go because she wants to return your freedom? It might be helpful for the questioner to ponder this slowly to see if your girlfriend also loves you, but is just in a special situation right now.

(2) It seems that the questioner has been trying to win back his girlfriend from the beginning. Given her apparent indifference, it's understandable that he feels helpless and painful. What's important to note is that, despite these challenges, the questioner is still trying to figure out how to save the relationship. This shows his reluctance to give up this relationship.

2. "I'm unsure how to proceed. I'm trying to let her go, but I'm struggling to do so. I'd like to understand what it takes to completely move on. Is there a way to forget her completely? How can I control my thoughts and not look for her? How can I truly let go of someone I love deeply? Is it as difficult as climbing up to the sky? I'm trying to understand how to move forward in this situation."

I believe that the questioner loves his girlfriend deeply, and it is understandable that it can be difficult to forget her for a while in the face of the sense of separation. Moreover, it is possible that the more the questioner tries to forget her, the more likely he is to think of her. This feeling of yearning may arise from time to time. Are there emotional fluctuations in the heart, mind, and body?

I believe the most important thing for the questioner at this time is to try to adjust his emotional state and gradually emerge from this emotional low period.

Could you please explain how I can do this?

(1) It might be helpful to allow yourself to think about her. Try not to resist your thoughts or control yourself, and practice with awareness. For example, when you miss her, you could take a pen and paper and write it out. You might find it helpful to write out everything you say to your girlfriend and to yourself. Writing it out several times could be beneficial. The writing process could be a way of allowing your emotions to flow, which might help you feel better. It could also be a way of letting yourself face your emotions.

(2) It might be helpful to spend as much time as possible with friends. You could play sports with friends, go for a run, or play soccer. Spending time with friends and playing sports can give you positive energy, which can produce dopamine to activate the brain and calm you down.

(3) Consider listening to music and singing.

3. "She said she doesn't want to anymore, that she doesn't want to love me anymore, that she's suffered enough, that she's cried enough. From the very beginning of our arguments, our feelings for each other gradually began to dissipate. Even if I took care of her in every way, she just didn't feel it anymore."

We won't make any predictions or evaluations about what the future will bring. For now, it would be helpful for the questioner to adjust themselves. On the other hand, it would be beneficial for the questioner to return the girlfriend's personal growth homework, which means that the girlfriend needs to face her feelings and her ability to love and her personal growth homework on her own. Is the questioner willing to let go of this part? It would also be helpful for you both to have a period of calm, so that both sides can take care of their emotions and feelings. After both sides have stabilized their emotions, you can talk slowly. I think this will have a better effect.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Good day, question asker.

The following suggestions are offered in response to the question posed.

One should endeavor to identify a period of time when one will not be disturbed, such as Sunday morning when one is home alone. It is recommended that one engage in a lengthy bathing ritual.

Once you have completed your bathing and drying off, you should adjust the room temperature and take the time to find a comfortable position before sitting down.

Closing your eyes slightly and refraining from self-deception will facilitate a gradual and objective exploration of the reasons for your inability to move on.

One must inquire of oneself: Were the happy times spent together the chirping of birds in the springtime? Or the sensation of being overwhelmed by the bright lights of a neon sign?

Or, alternatively, could it be the pleasures of sexual intercourse?

The chirping of birds, the fragrance of flowers, being dazzled, and the joy of being together are all wonderful feelings. The question thus arises as to whether the inability to let go of her or one's own wonderful feelings is the result of a reluctance to do so, or whether there are other factors at play.

Do not deceive yourself; rather, respond to the question posed.

The question thus arises as to whether the desire is to be in the company of the object of one's affections, or to recreate the positive emotions experienced in the past.

If the objective is to experience positive emotions, the focus should be on one's own desires rather than on the other person.

One must inquire once more: apart from the pleasure, what is the most memorable aspect of the experience? Is it the energy invested in the other person?

Was it the financial investment made, or the time, patience, and affection demonstrated?

Has your input been acknowledged? Do you still desire acknowledgment?

If a response is desired, the source of this desire is the response itself, rather than the other person. If the desired response is not received, this is also a result of the desire for that response, rather than a reflection of the other person.

One must have confidence in oneself in order to perceive the radiance of the ordinary days.

Hello, dear questioner!

Be moved by your deep feelings!

And feel your powerlessness and helplessness.

"How can I truly let go of someone I love deeply?"

It's really, really hard, but you can do it!

I'd absolutely love to chat with you! I'm excited to share some fresh perspectives from the past.

1. Get to know your relationship and why letting go isn't an option for you.

We absolutely love our relationships and want to keep them going!

It is so meaningful for us to do whatever it takes to maintain this relationship, which is so precious to us!

You've done a great job of reflecting and realizing a lot. You've also let her go with great pain and without entanglement. However, your heart is still a bit restless.

Now is the perfect time to give yourself a big hug!

All this pain is meaningful!

This may be the last thing you can do for her, and it might make you feel bad, but it's the right thing to do!

You have always shown your love in action, and that's something to be proud of!

So, no matter what happens, you are doing your best to love her!

Even if you were immature and fought a lot, it may just be that you didn't meet each other at the right time—but that just means there's someone out there who's perfect for you!

This relationship has the power to make us more mature and better at practicing love in the future!

So accept all your pain. It hurts, but it is also a tribute to the loss of this relationship. And you know what? That's a good thing!

2. Don't demand that you let go, and give yourself more time!

Sometimes, the more we try to let go, the more we realize we can't let go, and we end up feeling conflicted. But that's okay! It's all part of the journey.

At this time, you absolutely need to allow yourself to miss her! Don't make yourself forget her.

If you're willing to try, you should definitely set aside a period of time each day, the length of which you decide, to miss her.

After this time, just go about your business!

And most importantly, remind yourself that you haven't forgotten her!

Because at this time, asking yourself to let go forcibly is like betraying her and the relationship — and that's something you definitely don't want to do!

This is what psychology calls paradoxical intervention, and it's a great technique!

Absolutely! You can write down the words you want to say to her, but you don't have to send them to her.

Writing about it is a great way to relieve some of those feelings of longing and inability to let go!

3. And the best part is, in the process of pursuing love, we can learn to view it more rationally!

Love is a deliciously sweet and bitter experience!

Love is different for everyone!

You are willing to sacrifice for her and let her go for her happiness—and you're excited to see her happy!

You totally deserve a lot of praise!

And the best part is, we can learn from the process and realize what Erich Fromm said:

Love is not about objects. It's a capacity that can be cultivated!

Because love is about giving, not taking!

You are willing to do everything you can for her, and you have always loved her!

The happiness we pursue is neither a selfish pursuit of "my happiness" nor an altruistic expectation of "your happiness." Instead, we build an amazing, inseparable "our happiness"!

Instead, we build an inseparable "our happiness"!

When we find that we cannot establish our happiness in the pursuit, it opens up a whole new idea!

Take your time!

Take your time!

Take care of yourself and live your best life with love for her!

This may be a better kind of love—and it is!

If you're interested, you've got to read The Courage to Be Happy!

Bless you!

Hello, friend! After reading your question, I can tell that you have put a lot into this relationship. I believe you once loved her very deeply, which is why you are now so reluctant to let her go and so unwilling to accept it. First, let me give you a warm hug (づ ●─● )づ!

However, since she has made up her mind not to be with you, it is useless for you to resist, freak out, or feel resentful. On the contrary, it will only waste your time and energy. Instead, you should try to "stop the loss" and accept this irreversible fact. Let yourself rest and eat well! Nourish your body first!

Then, you can try to become aware of why you love her so much, even though she still wants to leave you. What happened along the way?

You said, "As early as the beginning of our quarrel, our feelings were gradually worn out." It's totally normal for couples to quarrel! It's also a kind of emotional catharsis. However, judging from what you said, it seems like you didn't grasp the right degree in your initial quarrels. And after the quarrels, you didn't communicate in time or do some constructive work to make up for it. So the rift became deeper and deeper!

I remember what my psychological counselor said: "Only those who know how to love and love well are lovable." I think you and she both have the potential to learn how to love and love well, which will lead to a bright future for you both! Therefore, I personally believe that this is the [life lesson] you need to work on in the future, and I'm excited to see how you'll grow and learn from it.

Just imagine for a moment that in the future, if you encounter the same thing again, you'll handle it in a totally different way!

In addition, try to learn three things: your own business, other people's business, and God's business. How do you view this issue? Whether you are currently struggling or fretting is your own business, so go all out! Whether she is willing to be with you is her business, so learn to respect. And whether you can continue your relationship with her in the future depends on fate, which is God's business, so learn to comply!

In a word: any problem is here to help you grow! This is your chance to grow, so go for it! Best of luck!

Hello, question owner. I know your pain. I know the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's difficult, but you're going to be okay. Let me give you a hug!

You love each other very much, and you are doing your best to keep it together while the other person is determined to go. Losing is always painful, especially when it's someone you've loved deeply. It feels as if a piece of your heart has been ripped out, as if there is a black hole...

You must allow yourself to go through this unacceptable process, to immerse yourself in the bits and pieces of the past together, and to do your best to win the other person back. These memories, thoughts, anger, guilt, and unwillingness will come and go. Topic master, you are not alone in facing these pains. Love is something that can be encountered but not sought after, and it is not something that you can definitely obtain by doing your best. If she has to go, let her go!

I want to hug you again.

You love her, so stop forcing yourself not to think about her. Allow yourself to think about her. You won't disturb her as long as you don't go find her. It's her business whether or not she's in your heart. When you miss her, allow yourself to think about her. There's nothing wrong with that, and you're not affecting anyone!

You have no need to control yourself from thinking about her. Allow yourself to think about her. You love her.

Question owner, allow yourself to suffer, allow yourself to remember, and allow this painful process to exist. When you allow it, change will happen, and you will feel less pain.

I also advise the questioner to do more things to distract themselves, such as playing games, exercising, traveling, making new friends, etc. Be kind to yourself and do more things that are good for you. You will come out of it and start a new life!

Good day, question asker.

Your question pertains to the challenge of letting go of a relationship with someone you deeply care for. I would like to share my personal experience in response to this question.

We met in an idol QQ group. I was a freshman, and he was a junior, both of us college students. He was highly competent, and I held him in high regard.

After establishing a connection through online communication, he began pursuing a romantic relationship with me.

I have always been self-conscious, and I had never been complimented by a male acquaintance.

As a result, I became infatuated with him and became dependent on him.

One day, a disagreement arose between us on QQ.

He informed me that he was being pursued by numerous other women and that he was required to select the most outstanding one to marry, while the rest would have to content themselves with friendship.

He then stated that I was the first to be eliminated, which caused me significant distress.

At the time, I was so submissive that I allowed him to delete me.

In hindsight, I realize that I was overly optimistic and unprepared for the situation.

Following the cessation of communication, I retained a clear recollection of the distress caused by this individual.

However, as time passed, I was able to move on from the situation and the pain gradually faded away.

I am aware that you are currently in a similar situation to the one I was in when I lost someone I loved.

Please be assured that with time, your pain will subside.

I wish you good health and happiness.

Furthermore, I wish you peace.

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, I can feel your heart-wrenching pain through the screen, and it's clear you're feeling a range of intense emotions.

At the same time, I can also feel how much you value this love! Hugs...

First, look outward!

You said, "I thought if I tried hard, if I tried with all my heart, if I fought for her, I could win her back, that I could make her change her mind." You were so hopeful! You did everything you could, everything you should have done. But when you heard her say, "I'm not going to get better, don't waste any more time or energy on me, I probably don't love you anymore," you were devastated. You felt like you were dying of grief.

From this description, I can tell you're doing everything you can to save the relationship and pouring your heart out for her! Honestly, as the person being liked, you should be really touched.

But why did things go against your wishes? Have you thought about what she wants?

Second, I once promised her that I would never force her or pester her. If she really felt that separation was the best outcome, what else could I do? Nothing! I could only reluctantly let her go and try to let her go. But can anyone tell me what kind of heartbreak is needed to completely give up hope?

And what is the magic cure to completely forget someone?

Seeing this kind of writing, I also wondered: what kind of devotion in an intimate relationship can make a man so torn apart? I can feel that collapse within you, the heartache so great that you can't breathe, may be a description of your current state.

There's no magic pill that can make you forget someone completely. But there is something you can do now: find the reason for your failure!

Then, her text description was this: she said she didn't want to anymore, she didn't want to love me anymore, she said she had suffered enough, cried enough. As early as the beginning of our quarrel, our feelings were gradually depleted. Even if I took care of her in every way, she was indifferent.

From this description, I can feel the kind of disappointment a woman feels towards you. I can also feel that the woman really did love you! It's so sad when a relationship ends because of arguments and disagreements. When a woman has saved up enough disappointment, she leaves. But don't worry, there are plenty of other fish in the sea!

Now for the fun part! Take a moment to look inward. In the fascinating love triangle theory, love is likened to a triangle, with the three sides consisting of the three major elements of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

The word "love" is as unique as the people who experience it. If we don't know what love is, how can we find true love? If the couple's definition of love is inconsistent, how can they give each other the love they desire?

Passion is the mutual attraction between two people and the source of romantic feelings in love. Intimacy is the reason why the two people in love form a close connection.

When you're in a relationship, you want the other person to be happy, to value them, to rely on them when needed, to understand and communicate with each other, and so much more!

There are so many exciting possibilities when it comes to relationships! You can have short-term relationships where you confirm your romantic relationship with each other, or you can have long-term relationships where you make a commitment to marriage and spend the rest of your life with each other.

There are so many exciting topics to discuss before entering into marriage! Communication between the two is particularly important. Men think in a linear way, while women think in a more circular way. When communicating with a woman, don't try to reason with her, because the more you do, the more you'll get it wrong.

Guess what? Girls want understanding, empathy, and compassion!

I highly recommend a book called "If Only I Knew Before Marriage." It's packed with practical and useful content. While it might not have all the answers you're looking for, it's a great resource to have on hand!

Hello, questioner. From your description, it's clear you're still in love with this person. You're deeply in love with them.

I also had someone I really liked. It took me seven or eight years to stop thinking about him.

But I still think of him sometimes and look for traces of him. What's laughable is that I don't even know why we broke up.

I didn't ask because I was suffering. I hadn't made amends and I hadn't recovered yet, but he quickly moved on to the next relationship. I didn't really want to know why. At that time, I was still young and I didn't know what I had lost.

There is no way to fix it. You will blame yourself for not figuring it out every time you think of him late at night.

Time can dilute everything. It just makes your feelings less intense.

Over time, you've become accustomed to this feeling, so it no longer hurts as much as when you first lost it.

Love is a matter of two people. One person's devotion will not bear fruit.

When the other person doesn't love you anymore, you can't move her. In the end, you'll only be able to move yourself, and then you won't be willing to let go. This thing called love doesn't always pay off.

You gave it your all, but she still didn't reciprocate. This is a clear sign that it's time to move on. It's not polite to keep pestering her, so take responsibility for yourself and give this relationship a proper ending. Let go of your expectations and let her do the same.

She might not love you anymore, but you still have to love yourself. When two people love each other, they make promises and vows to each other, and they're serious. They're based on the fact that you still love each other.

From your description, it's clear you need to know what she meant when she said she would never get over it. Did something happen to her? Was it caused by an outside force, or was it a problem between the two of you?

You need to address the problem and find out why you broke up.

You may think you still love them, but you get used to them. It's the same as losing a favorite toy: you're distressed for a long time.

I'm going to give you my honest opinion. I hope it helps.

Hello! I am the place of peace. I am so grateful to have met you!

I think I understand the pain of not getting what you want and the powerlessness of loving but not being loved. But I also know that you can overcome these challenges!

You've done your best for this love and even given up your ego and pride! Why is it that you have hurt yourself so badly in a love that you have done your best for, and even been willing to give up your ego and pride for?

Absolutely! Have you tried to explore this question?

I'd love to ask you a few questions!

Oh, how did you two meet? What qualities of hers did you find so attractive?

What do you feel for her? Do you feel a strong attachment?

Care? Security? Absolutely!

Or what other feelings?

So, when did the relationship start to go wrong? Was there something that happened at that time?

What was your attitude when the first disagreement arose? Did you seize the opportunity to initiate an honest and in-depth communication with her?

How did she react? Was she willing to face it together with you and solve it together?

Or did both parties choose to avoid the issue at the time, and neither of you had the willingness to face it head-on and respond proactively? If so, what were the reasons?

What are you avoiding and what are you afraid of? You can conquer your fears! Are you afraid of being abandoned and feeling insecure? You can overcome this!

Are you afraid of becoming a failure in the eyes of others and losing your dignity? If so, you can beat that fear!

If so, what experience made you react this way?

When your relationship is going in opposite directions and the distance between you is getting wider and wider, and you try desperately to hold on, have you ever wondered what exactly prompted her to be so decisive? It would be really great if you could think about it and explore it!

Ask yourself again with a fresh perspective!

1. Is the thing I'm so passionate about really her? Absolutely! I'm 100% sure about this!

2. I'd love to know how I feel when I'm holding onto this idea!

3. Absolutely! I can definitely find a reason to let go of this idea!

4. Just imagine what it will be like when I let go of this idea!

Take your time, relax, and think about it. You've got this!

There is a song called "There is a kind of love called letting go." If a relationship only brings pain and suffering to each other, and even if you try your best, you cannot keep it together, then you have the power to choose to let go and move on to something better!

Forgiving the other person is also forgiving yourself — and it's the best thing you can do!

Forgive each other, complete each other, and bless each other! This is surely the true meaning of love!

Dear, I wish you an early escape from confusion and a bright future ahead!

I absolutely believe that the moment you decide to move on, your horizons and heart will suddenly open up!

Then you'll see that the perfect person is waiting for you in the "dusky light," and you'll be thrilled that you've made it out. The timing is just right—not too early and not too late!

Hello!

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart coach. I've read your post and I can feel the pain and helplessness you're experiencing. I also see that you've courageously shared your distress and actively sought help on this platform, which will undoubtedly help you better understand and recognize yourself.

And adjust ourselves so that we can feel less pain!

Next, I'm thrilled to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I'm confident will help the poster gain a more diverse perspective.

1. Embrace the current state of being unable to forget!

It is observed in the post that you gave it your all to win her back, and while it didn't work out, you're ready to move on. You're feeling a lot of pain, but you're also feeling excited about the future. You're ready to let her go and focus on yourself.

After reading this information, I first of all understand your pain and feelings. And your current state is the same as many people who have just broken up, which means you're in good company!

When you first break up with someone, that period of time is really, really painful. But it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery! It's a chance to let go and move on. It seems that way we can stop suffering and start anew.

But then we also realized that we couldn't let go right away, could we? And we couldn't control ourselves from thinking about her, could we?

So, what can we do for ourselves at this time?

Absolutely! We can totally try to accept the current state of affairs, allow ourselves to feel pain, and allow ourselves to miss her. It's totally normal to feel pain after a breakup, and it's also totally normal to think of her from time to time.

Because we have loved her with all our heart and soul! I sometimes think that the depth of love is equal to the depth of pain, and it makes a lot of sense!

Absolutely! Accepting the current state is about embracing your own thoughts.

The more you resist, the more painful it is! It's like insomnia: the more you want to sleep, the less you can. And the more we resist our pain, the more painful it is. So let's embrace it!

2. Embrace the rollercoaster of painful emotions!

Once you've accepted that you can't forget and let go of her right away, it's time to accept that you will think of her now. And you know what? That's okay! You can allow yourself to suffer, and you can do it in a way that is healthy for you.

It's totally normal to feel pain after a breakup. We're human, not machines! So go ahead and feel that pain, and let it flow!

How can it flow? The host may try writing to express their pain, thoughts, and feelings.

Writing is a great way to sort out and listen to our emotions. It's also a fantastic way to express our painful emotions!

At this time, our emotions may be relieved. And that's a good thing! Emotions will be relieved after being expressed and seen.

So, why not allow the pain to exist and let it flow? There is a professional term in psychology for this: the grieving process.

This is great news! It means that any loss will make us sad, and when we allow sadness to exist and let it flow, it means that we have begun to accept the loss. A great loss will bring about great sadness, and it takes time for sadness to flow.

In a certain period of time, let the sadness flow out. Then, you'll have completed the process!

If you can get over a broken heart, you've already gone through such a process. So the host also needs to give himself time and space!

3. Focus on yourself!

You gave it your all, and that's what matters! While the result wasn't what you hoped for, you've still got a lot to be proud of.

It seems that we are currently unable to change the outcome, right? So, let's try something new! Let's focus on ourselves and make good use of this relationship to grow ourselves.

Who knows what the future holds for this relationship? The possibilities are endless! There are so many inspiring examples of couples who broke up but got back together.

But now we need to know that it is not something to strive for. We need to understand that the harder we try, the more we push her away. So, at this time, it is better to focus on ourselves. And that is something to be excited about!

Now, it's time to find out what went wrong in the relationship. And you know what? We're going to discover what has brought you to this point!

We can absolutely look for our own responsibility in the relationship! This is something we can do, as on the one hand we can see what went wrong, and on the other hand, we can prepare for the future.

Focusing on ourselves is a great way to grow in the relationship!

I really hope these words will be of some help and inspiration to you! And if you need support, you can also click on Find a Coach to communicate and grow one-on-one.

Hello, host! I can tell you're going through a rough time. I just wanted to say that I'm here for you.

It's always two people in a relationship. I don't know what happened that caused you to break up, but from what you've said, it seems like you've tried really hard to get back together and have stuck with it for a long time. Unfortunately, you haven't received the feedback you wanted, and the other person still hasn't changed their mind.

So, you've also fallen into a negative state, feeling resentful, doubtful, sad, and depressed. I think these negative emotions are understandable and normal. But we must always understand that relationships are never about one person. If you don't try hard enough, you won't get a happy ending.

If the other person is set on ending things, then I think all the things we've done can be seen as an explanation to ourselves and also a way to value this relationship.

If we want to save a relationship, we need to think about what the other person needs. All failed relationships fail because one or both people in them can't meet their own needs.

If we really want to win someone back, we may need to calm down, think things through, and consider the problems in the relationship and the other person's needs before taking action. We shouldn't just rely on instinct to make an effort.

It's tough to lose love. Those who've been there know it's a painful experience. You might feel reluctant, sad, regretful, remorseful, or heartbroken. These negative emotions can make you doubt yourself and lose the energy to face your daily life.

But I have to tell you, all of this is normal. We need to accept our current situation, give ourselves some time and space to grieve, and not push or rush ourselves. I think this will be better for you.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Hello, I am the little anemone float. Thanks for your question. It gives me a chance to learn and grow. I can feel the pain between the lines of your words, but because your question is one-sided and general, without details, I really can't see what your lover wants to separate from you. There are some contradictions in the text. Let me help you analyze it!

You really tried to save the relationship, but the other person wasn't having it.

The reason is that they don't think they'll ever get better, and they don't want to waste time because they think their partner might not love them anymore.

—You can't accept this and still want to save the relationship.

You promised your partner that if you broke up, you'd never bother her.

I'm not sure what happened to make your partner suggest breaking up. You tried really hard to win her back, but it didn't work out. Is that right?

The other person said they'd never get better, so don't waste your time and energy. Let your own beliefs guide you, don't let them drag you down, and don't feel like they don't love you. Is that it?

?‍♂️You can't accept breaking up like this. What is it that you can't accept? Is it responsibility, guilt, emotional investment, or something else?

Did you ever promise your partner that if you broke up, you'd never bother her again and never force her to do anything she didn't want to do?

You want to accept the reality and let go of everything, but your body and mind won't let you?

The other person says that she's had enough, that she's cried enough, and that she doesn't want to love you anymore.

If you love her so much, why do you argue with her and make her cry and feel sad?

—Why do you have to go out of your way to pamper her after an argument? Wouldn't it be better if you didn't argue in the first place?

You want to accept reality and let go of all this, but your body and mind cannot bear the pain of losing, and it makes you feel so bad. So in what form do you express your love for her? What makes you so reluctant to let go? It must be deeply ingrained in your bones, and the way must be very special, right?

He said she'd had enough, cried enough, and didn't want to love you anymore. Does this mean she doesn't like the way you express your love? Or maybe you don't know how to love?

Do both parties who want to love each other understand each other's "language of love"? Do you understand that the way she expresses her feelings is that your love hurts her?

Not all so-called love is guaranteed to make the other person happy.

If you love her so much, why do you argue with her? Do you really know how to love?

Love is simple to say, but also complicated. Love itself is a paradox. My current approach is to give the other person whatever they need, and if you can't afford it, then just withdraw. What are you fighting about? Is it really necessary to fight?

When you argue, fight for what's right and then show your love and care for each other afterwards. But the wound will always bleed, heal and leave a scar. How can you care for a wounded heart without leaving a trace? As a result, you just focus on being sad and never think about what you did wrong in the relationship that led to this situation.

It is not uncommon for love to be in short supply, which can be a significant source of distress and difficulty in letting go.

From your description, it seems that you previously demonstrated less attention to her feelings, and your repeated arguments have eroded the love in your relationship.

She has already endured a significant degree of helplessness and pain in reaching this decision.

Indeed, she once placed a higher value on the relationship than on her own well-being, allowing you to inflict pain. Only an individual who genuinely cares about you would be willing to be transparent and reveal their shortcomings to you.

She is now seeking to provide herself with greater levels of self-care, which will prevent her from allowing you to cause her harm.

Take a moment to reflect on your current situation. It is likely that you are experiencing feelings of regret at having lost the person who loves you. Your attentiveness and positivity may now be perceived as nagging behaviour.

Have you considered how you would like to express your love for her and maintain your relationship? If you do not modify your approach, even if you reconcile, you may not achieve the desired outcome.

The primary issue is that your love language is not aligned with hers. For instance, if she appreciates gifts, but you never spend money on her, despite spending time with her daily.

For instance, if your partner desires companionship but you are preoccupied with your career and believe that financial expenditure is the only way to demonstrate your affection, it is essential to adopt a more loving approach. Affirmations, recognition, companionship, acceptance of gifts and services, dedicated time for the two of you, and physical intimacy are all components of a loving relationship.

If one party is proficient in Chinese and the other in English, effective communication may prove challenging.

Given the current circumstances, it is essential to demonstrate your devotion and care for her, not just with words but also with actions. This will prove to her that you love her and that you are treating her well, not just as a condition for getting back together. Only genuine devotion without strings attached can truly touch her.

If reconciliation is not feasible, acquiring the ability to love during this process will also facilitate more effective management of subsequent relationships. This is the underlying premise of the adage, "The predecessor plants the trees, and the successor enjoys the shade."

I encourage you to persevere.

Hello!

Thank you for inviting me. I hope I can help you find peace.

If you're listening to someone who's going through this, offer a tissue as a sign of care. Their sadness, pain, and sense of loss won't disappear or subside all at once. This is how we feel when we're traumatized in a relationship. We can't prevent harm, but allowing ourselves to grieve may help us get over the pain.

[I gave my all, but I can't get it back?

I thought I could win her back if I tried hard enough. I did everything I could, but when I heard her say she didn't love me, I was devastated. I felt like I couldn't go on living...

This is about a romantic relationship. At first, everything is great. But as time goes by, problems can arise. Sometimes, a relationship that seems perfect can actually be very unhealthy. It's important to communicate and address your needs.

The problem is not one person's fault. Both people may have unrecognized problems. It's like a task that requires cooperation. When one person doesn't give the right signal, the other person will misunderstand.

This problem usually has to do with our attachment patterns. The questioner is likely to have a high-anxiety pattern, while the girlfriend may be avoidant or fearful. Most romantic relationships are like this. The problem is that the problems in these relationships have not been resolved.

When a relationship ends, it can cause a lot of pain. This can make it hard to think clearly. We need to work through our emotions until we can focus on our own lives again.

The questioner may feel bad or have emotions like nostalgia and anger. Don't worry. Give yourself time to relax and stop blaming yourself. Everything may not be perfect, but we don't need to blame and criticize ourselves too much. Learn to accept and allow for problems in emotional relationships. I can begin to understand myself and feel peace.

How do I let go?

When something goes wrong, we ask, "How can I let go?" We think we know the answer, but we need to be understood and cared for. We also need to be inspired and regain our confidence.

1. Understand the deeper meaning of the experience.

You have the power to change your life, but we often forget this. We feel like victims when our partner leaves. This doesn't mean we're not worthy of love. My self-esteem won't disappear unless I let it. My problems weren't caused by my girlfriend. I need to accept myself and grow.

2. Find the real cause of sadness and comfort yourself.

It's hard for people with strong relationships to face separation without feeling anxious. But people who are self-aware and emotionally stable usually handle it better. When we're sad, we need to figure out what's really causing it. Is it the message "I'm not good enough"? Or is it feeling powerless after being rejected?

Or is it disappointment in life? Sadness is often caused by deeper anxiety.

3. Take a relaxing break and go with the flow.

If there were no problems from the start and the girlfriend never expressed any, it's likely attachment patterns caused this. The girlfriend may lack trust and a sense of security. This is not just the questioner's problem, but one caused by the girlfriend's own problems. Don't be too sad about the girlfriend's proposal to break up. Give yourself a cooling-off period. Do things that make you happy, distract yourself, and don't recall things about your girlfriend or fantasize about getting back together. Only when both parties truly enter a period of calm introspection can they truly realize their inner direction. Perhaps the girlfriend will regret her impulsive decision, or perhaps she will still not realize her true inner desires. Once you've broken up, it has nothing to do with the questioner. Guard your boundaries and don't disturb or pester the questioner. The questioner has done their best and can now let go and adapt to their current life.

Come on!

Best wishes!

Hello!

I can tell you're feeling helpless, sad, and in pain. I feel for you!

You've given your all to this relationship and enjoyed beautiful love. Love is enchanting but perishable. There's a saying, "If only life were like the first meeting." Most love can't maintain the feeling of life as it was first met.

After experiencing love, you should have entered ordinary daily life. Maybe you have also lived a life of troubles. When facing the daily routine, you may have had disagreements and arguments. You said behind him that he had cried and suffered during the argument, and there was no longer any affection. Poor couples have a hundred grievances.

Money is often the cause of arguments between two people in love. Perhaps you haven't been able to provide her with a rich material life. Simply taking care of her may not be enough to satisfy her material needs.

Do you have another relationship?

There might be another reason for the breakup. Maybe it's because of money problems or conflicts. If there were no problems, you wouldn't have been so unhappy when you broke up.

Your lover said she doesn't love you, but I think she's still struggling. I can't evaluate this based on just a few sentences, but I appreciate you promising not to pester him and letting him go. Good for you!

It's hard to let go, especially when you're so involved. As you said, but what can you do? He doesn't love you anymore. For an emotional attachment like this, it's impossible to hold on. In this situation, we have to keep the pain to ourselves and accept the reality. Maybe it's better for both of you!

Especially to yourself.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you can think this way now, it will help you now. A forced melon is not sweet. We promised others we wouldn't be entangled. Let's be strong and make a decision not to be entangled anymore!

You've already made a brave decision by coming here for help. This shows you're aware of yourself. In psychology, awareness is the first step to healing. You're already on the path to healing.

You also asked how badly you have to hurt before you can forget someone you loved. It is not easy. You have to give it time. The pain will fade and be buried in your heart.

You're in pain, thinking about the future. The future is uncertain, but we have to face it. I give you a hug, hoping to add strength as you fight your way alone in the future.

Everyone has to face life on their own and bear their own burdens. As long as we are determined to bear the burden of what we consider to be an unbearable life, we have already reduced it by half. Accepting one's fate does not mean resigning oneself to it.

This is all part of fate. Misfortune breeds happiness, and happiness breeds misfortune. Misfortune and happiness are interchangeable. Today's misfortune may be the source of tomorrow's happiness.

Life is like this: happy and sad, lucky and unlucky. Don't give up, get through this, and you'll be stronger for it. The future will be bright.

Keep going through the hard times! The world and I love you!

Dear question asker,

From the title and description of your question, it appears that you have already exhausted all possible avenues and recognized that this relationship may be irreparable. However, the unbearable anguish that accompanies it has left you feeling so overwhelmed that you are unable to maintain your composure. You are unable to identify a viable solution and your emotional state is in a state of flux, which is why you are seeking assistance.

In addition to expressing sadness and grievance, three stages must be determined.

First, it is essential to conduct a comprehensive assessment of the current relationship and to establish a clear position on its future. This will help to alleviate the current sense of sadness.

Secondly, it is necessary to consider how a new image can be established in front of her that is neither that of a beggar nor an abandoned person, but rather one that is stable, powerful, and responsible, thereby providing her with hope.

Thirdly, it is crucial to ascertain whether one can maintain equilibrium in the event of her return. What are the objective factors that influence her actions? What are the objective facts behind the underlying issues in your relationship? To what extent can one effect change?

In response to the aforementioned three levels of thinking, I have the following thoughts:

1. From her perspective, the relationship is unsatisfactory and negative, and she has expressed this repeatedly. She desires to terminate the relationship, but you are attempting to maintain the current, challenging dynamic. Consequently, she has rejected your proposal and you are currently engaged in a struggle to achieve your desired outcome.

In this manner, one can gain the trust and respect of the other party. This approach allows for the expression of love and self-care while simultaneously facilitating a strategic retreat that paves the way for advancement.

2. It would be beneficial to take a step back and reflect on one's own actions. Instead of viewing oneself as an impulsive, love-struck individual with no way out, it may be more constructive to perceive oneself as a person with tolerance, composure, and the capacity for choice.

To put it in a more objective manner, one might consider the following: who would genuinely choose to return to a situation in which they are unhappy and powerless, and in which their emotional state is clearly inferior to that of their partner?

It is important to convey to the other person that one cares for them, but that one will not resort to excessive displays of emotion or demands. Instead, one should take steps to make the other person feel secure and reliable. It is essential to demonstrate that one is becoming stronger and more capable of caring for the other person in a moderate and loving manner. It is also important to present oneself as a rational and prepared individual, with a long-term perspective. The other person should be made aware that one has experienced sadness and pain, but that one has also taken steps to become a more mature and confident individual.

3. What objective facts precipitated the dissolution of the relationship? What circumstances led to the feelings of being ignored and wronged that you experienced?

If one were to assume that one has the means to have her, what kind of changes would be required of her? Is she willing to compromise and change her original life for you? Is her personality, temperament, hobbies, and lifestyle truly compatible with yours? Does she possess the capacity to love you and make you happy?

One might inquire whether she is deserving of such a high level of commitment.

The preceding statements represent my personal opinion. Encounter The topics of understanding another person and loving, staying with, and committing to that person are all important aspects of life.

It is unethical to inflict suffering on another individual. A breakup does not preclude the possibility of future reunions, and a decision to end the relationship does not guarantee its inability to be managed.

If one truly loves the object of one's affections and believes that they are the ideal partner, it would be prudent to set a goal to develop oneself for a period of two to three years or even ten years. Following this period of self-improvement, one should then attempt to rekindle the relationship after a period of five years, twenty years, or even the duration of one's lifetime. It is worth noting that the majority of individuals may not possess the requisite persistence to pursue such a course of action.

I wish you the best of luck.

Once you've loved deeply, you're hooked! When love has become a thing of the past, it can be heartbreaking, but it also means you're free to move on to bigger and better things!

Hug the questioner! All living things suffer. The most painful is the separation of lovers, the unobtainable. But since it is already irreparable, we have the exciting opportunity to face the loss head-on!

1. It's time to celebrate the end of the relationship! Let's plan a ceremony to mark the occasion and make our subconscious mind realize that it's time to move on.

It's time to find a suitable time and a place where you won't be disturbed, and say goodbye properly! You've got this! Perform a formal break-up ceremony and make it a beautiful, memorable one.

Now it's time to express all those things you didn't say and all those feelings that are so painful and difficult to let go!

This is a wonderful way to let go! It's like crying at a loved one's funeral. Once you've cried, you'll be ready to move on. You'll be able to face up to the reality of loss.

Otherwise, the subconscious mind will deceive us and tell us that we still have it, so we won't let go completely, and the pain will always be in our hearts. But we can change this! We can let go and move on to a happier, healthier future.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having loved and still loving someone, and there is nothing wrong with your deep feelings either! In front of the other party, express all your reluctance, all the emotions you have invested in the relationship, all your expectations, and all your immense sadness.

2. Cut off contact, don't have any contact, and don't be affected by any reminders! Consciously isolate any scenes, things, people, or objects that remind you of the person.

Once you've completed the breakup ceremony, it's time to block all contact with the other person! Don't look at friends' circles, don't follow the other person's social media updates, don't go through old things, and don't go to old places.

You'll be amazed at how quickly your thoughts will slow down and how much your heartache will subside! It's time to make new friends and replace old relationships with new ones.

Work is always a great cure for a broken heart! Turn that emotional energy into work!

Treat your work like your first love, and it will never let you down!

Keep living and working hard for your career with this deep love! It won't be long before the busy, fast-paced work rescues you from the emotional whirlpool.

"Love hard when you love, let go hard when you lose, I didn't let go of the lightning and fire, and I won't admit defeat even if I'm battered and bruised." This is the best tribute you can pay to love!

A hero is someone who recognizes the truth of life and still loves it!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm Shu Ya Qingzheng. I understand your feelings and want to support you.

Two people in love become one. It hurts when your other half says they don't love you and turns away. Hug you!

Stenberg's love theory says love has three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion is sexual love, intimacy is a romantic relationship, and commitment is a decision to stay together.

There are seven types of love: like, infatuation, empty, romantic, partner, foolish, and perfect.

What do you want your love to be like?

How can two people fall in love at the same time?

02. When two people in love do things together, they're happy and create good memories. These memories make the relationship better.

If you can't feel close to your partner, arguments and conflicts will become the norm. Would you still want to be in the relationship?

Love is bitter when it's just one person, sweet when it's two, and sour when it's three.

Maybe the other person's leaving is your chance to find someone better.

Kindness is not always returned in a relationship.

You can't force her to accept you or love you. That's her choice.

No matter how good a relationship is, you should always put yourself first. It's not selfish.

When we love ourselves, it helps our relationships.

So, respect yourself, care for yourself, grow yourself, take care of yourself, think for yourself, become a better person, and love yourself.

4. It's normal for relationships to change. Take care of yourself and keep growing.

The author of "The Art of Communication" says we need to adjust, express ourselves, and build relationships to have good relationships and communicate well.

The book is divided into three parts about relationships.

Look at yourself to understand how you communicate.

Focus on the other person. Pay attention to what they say and how they act.

In relationships, the focus is on the other person, not their actions. Effort is put into building the relationship, communication, and conflict resolution.

To have a good intimate relationship, you need to be understanding, sincere, equal, and respectful.

There is a common direction and goal for the two people, as well as space for independence.

Reading helps us think for ourselves, feel better, and enjoy life more.

Read some psychology books on personal growth and romantic relationships.

Books like "If Only I Knew Before Marriage," "The Art of Communication," and "Intimacy, the Key to a Soul Mate."

I love you, and I hope to help.

I'm a heart exploration coach at Yixinli. Click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom to continue. I'll communicate with you one-on-one.