It is always hard to resist the temptation to fall in love, but what if you meet someone you really like after you get married?

Hello, I see you're feeling confused. It seems like you're married with children, but you might not have naturally formed a stable self. If someone is having a hard time being happy despite leading a successful life, it's likely that they're experiencing a crisis of self-identity.

...

[A stable self]

In the book The Map of Human Beings: The Science of Distinction, the author talks about a fascinating science that divides the human body into nine energy centers. One of the most special energy centers is called the G-center. People with a blank G-center have no fixed identity and no consistent and reliable sense of self-identity. Isn't that interesting? And when you meet someone with a colored G-center, you will borrow their identity and direction.

You'll meet all kinds of people, and you'll see your inner anima (male image) in them. You'll like them because you see your inner self in them. You think you don't have it, but it's what you want to become. You feel envious because you think you don't have it, and then you start to like it. You like it, so you want to possess it.

To form a stable self, it's important to identify and withdraw projection. This means separating the internal image from the projected object (the person you like), integrating it into consciousness, and transforming the animus into your inner partner. With this, you'll learn to reflect, think deeply, and know yourself. You'll also gain the creativity, courage, and wisdom that arise from your true nature.

This integration process will involve some important topics, including symbiosis and separation, early trauma, self-weight reconstruction, etc. At this time, you need a relationship that allows you to locate your own self again and again, and through the reactions of the relationship, awareness and clarification, identify the content of the anima, and gradually become aware.

I really think that a sustained and stable counseling relationship is the most powerful support for transformation. I'd highly recommend that you engage in long-term psychological counseling. This will help you establish a sense of self-identity more quickly and effectively, so that you will no longer want to try anything in the face of temptation.

Hi there! I'm Zhang Huili, a psychological counselor. I really hope my answer helps you out! If you find it useful, please give me a like. Thanks!

Our lives are full of temptations and desires, and it's natural to have fantasies about them. Life's challenges can make us feel like we're trapped, but there's no need to be scared. It's actually a great opportunity to reflect on what we want and need in our lives. What's important is remembering our responsibilities and staying true to ourselves.

American psychologist Sternberg, who proposed the theory of love, believes that love is made up of three amazing components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is the sexual component of love and is an emotional obsession that makes your heart race! Intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be aroused in a loving relationship, and it's truly a feeling like no other. Commitment refers to the decision to maintain the relationship or guarantee it, and it's a beautiful thing when two people are committed to each other.

Someone who is suitable for love may not be suitable for marriage—and that's okay! The bantering in love is far less complicated than in marriage. Love is about romance, while life is about the mundane—and that's a good thing!

Marriage is a wonderful choice that comes with a lot of responsibility. It means being prepared to take on all of this, to be prepared to accept the tedium of life and the clashes of two families. The responsibility of marriage is a great thing because it allows you to build a family with your partner. You are no longer responsible for yourselves, but also for the joint family, the two sides that make up the family, and the two families that support you. It's a great feeling to know that you have the support of your partner and your families!

Love is not about winning or losing, it is not about right or wrong, it is just about proving that you love me. And that's a wonderful thing! Marriage is full of compromises, no matter what the process is, but life goes on and it's an exciting journey!

If love is a feeling, then when it encounters a challenge, this feeling will quickly disappear. But there's no need to worry! It is easy to find this feeling in different people, so you can simply choose to focus on the positive. The most common excuse for infidelity is that I no longer feel it, but there's no reason to let that stop you from experiencing true love. True love is not a feeling. It is more of a responsibility, a mutual sacrifice and mutual achievement. True love is not a moment of inspiration, but a long-term commitment, mutual sacrifice, mutual achievement, and mutual respect.

These days, people are embracing their emotions and living life on the edge! They're getting married when they fall in love and getting divorced when the passion fades. This kind of love is often a form of narcissism. Many people explore different lovers in search of love, and while it might make them feel a little lonely at times, it's all part of the adventure!

No one can live up to all your preconceptions of them—and that's a good thing! Everyone loves a cute person, but if you still love her when she's not as cute as she used to be, and are willing to discover her cuteness, then that is true love. And to do that, you must have a forgiving heart!

Life is full of excitement! After letting your imagination run wild, come back to reality and use your own life to make your dreams come true.

A cordial welcome to the forum!

From the aforementioned narrative, it is evident that a self-contradiction exists. To demonstrate my comprehension of the situation, I will offer a gesture of physical affection.

Let us examine the issue in greater detail.

Despite being married with children, you still find yourself drawn to the person you have long held a secret affection for.

One is compelled to indulge in fantasies, which invariably portray a world of beauty.

It is important to recognize that reality and fantasy are two distinct concepts.

There are two primary reasons why individuals engage in fantasies. One is due to the perceived inadequacy of reality, which provides a sense of comfort through the creation of an alternative, more desirable reality. The other is driven by the intrinsic appeal of fantasy itself, which is perceived as a valuable and rewarding experience.

While the final behavior may be classified as fantasy, the underlying motivations and circumstances leading to that behavior may vary significantly.

The reason for the enduring infatuation is that the object of the crush is perceived as exceptionally admirable, or alternatively, that the current partner fails to meet expectations, resulting in a sense of deficiency that is compensated for by an idealised fantasy.

Your decision to marry your current husband indicates that he was able to meet some of your expectations. However, it is evident that he did not fully align with your standards in other respects.

Your expectations of your partner were exceedingly high, and you imagined him to be perfect. However, the reality is that your partner is far from what you expected.

Therefore, there exists an individual whom you have long held in high regard in a secretive manner.

From the information provided, it appears that the subject has held a secret affection for the individual in question for an extended period. If the latter is truly as exemplary as perceived, it seems likely that the former would have disclosed their feelings at an earlier point in time.

The individuals in question may be engaged in a romantic relationship or simply passing by.

For all these years, the relationship has remained one of unrequited love. This indicates that the subconscious is aware that the partner in question is not as admirable as the conscious mind perceives him to be.

It is merely the result of the imagination enhancing his qualities. The subject is perpetually in a state of turmoil, and the thoughts in their mind can be imagined, processed, and manipulated at will.

However, the reality of the situation does not align with these expectations.

It is akin to one's actual counterpart. Despite harboring grievances, one is unable to refrain from expressing them.

The individual in question is perceived to be wholly distinct from the person in one's imagination.

Consider the individual you have a romantic interest in. If this person were in your actual life, and you were cohabiting with them, would they be a superior partner to your current partner?

Once the idealized image of the partner is removed, how much of the initial appeal remains?

Furthermore, excessive concern is unwarranted. The human mind is naturally inclined towards fantasy. However, not all thoughts align with reality or morality, and only those that manifest as actions warrant concern.

Given the inherent challenges of life, it is understandable to allow for a degree of fantasy and imagination. However, it is crucial to maintain a healthy balance between these and one's reality.

In the event that a sense of guilt persists, it may be beneficial to consider the positive attributes of one's partner. Envisioning them as the sole individual of their kind on Earth may help to alleviate any remaining feelings of unease.

Your conscience will remain uncompromised.

I wish you the best of luck!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to see your request for assistance and hope that my input will prove useful to you.

I commend you for recognizing your attraction to other individuals of the opposite sex during your marriage. Once you become aware of your inappropriate behavior, you will be better positioned to implement positive changes with guidance from this self-awareness.

In the event of experiencing attraction to someone outside of your marriage, it is important to accept and allow for this emotional shift and need. It is crucial to understand that this does not constitute a betrayal of your husband or the marriage. Rather, it is a natural human emotion. The reason this attraction is found outside of marriage is that within marriage, this part of you is lacking and deprived. This lack and deprivation cannot be met or satisfied within the context of marriage. When this lack and deprivation are not recognized within marriage, it is not possible to actively seek to fulfill them within the marriage through one's own efforts. For example, it is recommended to directly inform your husband about this part of your needs and expectations. Additionally, it is advised to enhance your ability to manage intimacy through conscious learning and growth. This will enable you to first fulfill your own needs and satisfy your deprived expectations through your own efforts.

In other words, for individuals of the opposite sex outside of your marriage who elicit a strong sense of attraction and excitement, it is advisable to become aware of which aspect of your inner needs is being met and fulfilled when you interact with and think about them. This prompts the question of whether this aspect of your needs can be met and fulfilled in your own marriage through your own learning and growth.

Once you are able to identify the underlying psychological needs that are influencing your emotional state, you will gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of your current feelings. This will help you move past the guilt and self-blame that are holding you back. By doing so, you can then focus your energy on developing a more effective response to your needs. In other words, you can explore ways to enhance your current marital relationship in order to better meet and satisfy this aspect of your needs.

As an example, it would be beneficial to inform your husband about this aspect of your needs in an open and honest manner. Additionally, you may wish to consider treating your husband in a manner that aligns with your desired approach. This could potentially influence his response to you. What are your thoughts on this matter?

I suggest you read "Intimacy" and "Happy Marriage."

My name is Lily, the Q&A Museum's newest addition. I extend my warmest regards to you all.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From the brief confession and the questioner's distress, it is clear that the questioner is experiencing a range of conflicting emotions, including guilt and happiness. In the text, the questioner states that he cannot help but like someone. Does he mean the same person?

If so, it can only be said that the other person has outstanding qualities. Talking to the other person will make the questioner find happiness in their life. We all hope to be happy every day. After trying to find this feeling of happiness through interactions with the other person, the questioner has become addicted to it.

Moral depletion is a real issue.

I see myself as the adolescent me, caught up in a secret crush. I care about everything about the other person from afar, feel unsatisfied, and am afraid of revealing my feelings if I get too close.

You're afraid to approach your partner in reality because you're married with children. This fact has always been there, reminding you. You're torn between fantasy and reality, and this situation is affecting your normal life.

Accept yourself.

This current fantasy has undoubtedly caused harm to the questioner's family. It has also affected the questioner's relationship with their partner.

It is normal for people to have fantasies. Many people have had similar thoughts to the questioner's, but it is just an imagination of a plot in our minds.

We can imagine ourselves as directors or producers, and the images we fantasize about are scenes from our scripts. When we read a novel or see something beautiful, we imagine ourselves as the protagonist and fantasize about how we would face and deal with it if it were us.

Occasional fantasies like this are beneficial to the body and mind. Having fantasies and expectations about life adds joy to our lives. There is no need to feel guilty or conflicted about accepting the occasional fantasy-filled self.

You see the problem.

Having fantasies about other people shows you're dissatisfied with your current life. You can't experience and feel it in real life. If the other person can bring such a happy feeling to the questioner, how does he interact with the questioner? What topics does he talk about that can arouse the questioner's interest in him?

He can do this. The questioner can guide their partner to do the same, thereby promoting their relationship with their partner. This will stop them being troubled by such situations.

People have different personalities, grow up in different environments, and are exposed to different things. What they think and what they do will lead to different results. There's no doubt about it: imagination is beautiful, but reality is stark. Because we don't know each other well, the other person is beautiful in the questioner's imagination.

You can't choose to be with someone just because you know them, because of their good qualities, or because they attract you. It doesn't matter if you're single or not. There are practical problems that will show you that fantasies are just that—fantasies. Reality doesn't unfold according to the script you imagine.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the original poster.

Dear questioner, Hello!

It's totally normal to meet someone you like after getting married. And it's also normal to meet people you like and dislike along the way in life. We have to take some responsibility, but it's all part of the adventure!

I absolutely believe that:

"1" You fell head over heels for the rush of chatting.

Sometimes our hormones get the better of us, making us think that what we can't get is what we feel is exciting. But in fact, you will find that your conversations are just conversations, not reality. The good news is that if you can continue to get along with each other in the reality of the daily grind, the probability of this is very small.

«2» Marriage is an amazing adventure that requires loyalty and responsibility.

If you don't have any problems, or if you can meet each other's needs, then I think that kind of marriage is actually the best! After all, you can't guarantee that the next person you marry will be able to keep their word and fulfill their responsibilities.

"3" Handle calmly and learn to cherish the present!

We always think that if we don't meet that kind of love, we will regret it. But in fact, even if you get it, it doesn't mean it's a good love. The trivialities of life can also wash away all passion and not stir up any waves. So at this time, we need to remain calm. Everything is unpredictable, and emotions are intangible and only a feeling. So looking at my own marriage now, I have learned to cherish everything I have. Love is beautiful, and it's important to remember that! But if you get into the daily grind, you may not necessarily be able to withstand the trivial tests of life. So it's good to remember to take a step back and appreciate the love you have!

And finally, learn to accept yourself in this state, and also calmly face the behavior of these feelings. Cherish your marriage and your relationship, and maintain your responsibility and loyalty. The pursuit of ideals is like a mirage, and it is not necessarily real — but that just means there's more out there for you to discover!

Wishing you the very best!

Good day, question asker!

From your straightforward question, I understand that you are currently married. Even though you are married, when you meet someone you like, you still feel the same urge to get close as if you were single.

To do this, you may feel uncertain about the best way forward. You may wish to consider ways of understanding how to face this "uncontrollable" part of yourself.

I would like to take a moment to explore this with you.

1- It might be helpful to talk to yourself, listen to your inner voice, and try to understand this pattern of behavior and the needs behind it.

From what you have shared with me, it seems that…

I believe this was the case before, and it may still be the case after you get married and have children.

This may be a behavioral pattern with a certain inertia. There are many ways it could be interpreted. For example, it could be that you always think that what's outside is better. Or perhaps what's not available can arouse your desire to conquer. Or it could be that your current partner fails to meet your needs.

It might be helpful to talk to yourself without judgment and listen to what this may be about and what inner needs you want to satisfy.

You might also consider seeking analysis and help from a counselor. It may also be related to some belief from your childhood.

2-It might be helpful to try changing "I" to "we" to help yourself make a more rational decision.

From your question, I can see that you may also feel a little uncomfortable or embarrassed about this behavior. This suggests that you recognize the value in avoiding such issues in a marriage.

On a personal level, it can be challenging to resist or disregard the feeling of attraction.

In the book Just Want to Live Well with You, one of the suggestions for maintaining a healthy marriage is to recognize that it's not just about one person, but about both partners. The book suggests:

One challenge that many marriages face is the tendency for partners to prioritize their own interests before and after marriage. It's not uncommon for individuals to continue focusing on themselves after marriage, even though they're in a relationship.

The author offers the following advice:

In order to achieve a win-win situation for "us," it may be helpful to consider that both husband and wife may need to give up some of their "me" interests. This is something that we often have to face when we transition from "me" to "us."

I would like to suggest that perhaps making moderate concessions could be beneficial in this situation. It is important to remember that we should not lose ourselves completely. When faced with the problem you mentioned, it might be helpful to consider it from a different perspective.

First, it might be helpful to consider how you would want your partner to handle the situation if you were in their position in the marriage. Second, it could be beneficial to reflect on your own views and actions from the perspective of the marriage as a whole.

By taking the time to understand your own needs, changing your behavior patterns, or communicating with yourself and putting yourself in other people's shoes, you may find some reasons or discover the existence of other problems. It's okay if you don't have all the answers. We don't have to avoid or "satisfy ourselves without authorization." Instead, we can work together to face the problem and communicate with our partners to gain understanding and a solution.

I am Wenquan from Xintan Shushan, and I wish you a happy and fulfilling marriage!