I've lost my patience four times in a month. Do you have any recommendations for books on emotional management?

Hello!

I can see that the questioner is struggling and anxious. I understand how confusing it is. To control your emotions, you need to understand yourself. You need to let go of your emotions so you can be a good person.

Many respondents have shared their favorite books and experiences. All books are valuable. I keep books about emotions on my shelf and read them when I need them. I look for books that match my current needs.

Books are a way to learn. Each book has its own way of thinking. Sometimes you need to read other books to understand a book. Reading one book is not enough. If you read one book and it does not help you, you will be disappointed.

Bi Ru may read books like "Healing from the trauma of the original family" and "Why the original family hurts" when they have low self-esteem. As the relationship gets more tense, they will read other books to help them understand it better.

Read the book Intimacy.

When faced with complex problems and challenges, they need to read more. Books like "Nonviolent Communication," "Controlling Emotions Never Depends on Endurance," "How to Control Emotions," and "Why Are You Always Anxious?" can help.

Targeted reading is the best way to find a way forward when you're short on time. It's also the best way to keep reading and make up for a lack of emotional awareness.

It has helped people change how they think and feel.

Reading can't solve all emotional problems. Pain is part of life. If we can face and digest pain, we won't be angry at others.

Reading method suggestion:

When you're emotional and can't calm down, find a place where you can calm down. Take a deep breath, find a place where you can be alone, and start reading. You don't need to set a fixed time; just read wherever you like. If you don't want to read it next time, you can change it.

If reading calms you, you can insist on finishing it. Read for 20 to 30 hours before going to sleep. You may not think so at first, but if you persevere, you will discover the benefits of reading. From the perspective of "attention is reality," shifting your attention is a way to distract yourself, which can digest negative emotions.

Reading calms you down and teaches you about emotions. This helps you deal with conflicts better.

Best wishes!

Good morning,

Host:

After a thorough review of the post, it is evident that the author expresses regret for losing his temper. Additionally, he displays courage in openly sharing his distress and actively seeking assistance on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of the situation and the individual in question, thereby enabling a more constructive approach to his relationship with his husband.

I will now share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I hope will provide the poster with a more nuanced understanding of the current situation.

1. The incident itself was relatively minor, yet I found myself becoming angry.

From the post, I can discern the remorse the poster feels after losing his temper. At the same time, the poster is also proactively seeking ways to manage his emotions.

This is a challenging task, as many individuals lack the ability to do so.

On the other hand, I believe that the host has likely received considerable guidance on emotional management throughout their life and possesses a wealth of knowledge on how to regulate their emotions. However, in the moment of an emotional outburst, they may find it challenging to maintain control. This is a challenge many individuals face.

Why do people behave in this manner? I believe the reason is that they lack self-awareness and understanding. They are unaware of the reasons behind their anger over seemingly trivial matters.

It is therefore pertinent to question why such a trivial matter provokes such a strong emotional response. In fact, there is a series of underlying psychological reactions occurring in our hearts.

As an illustration, you may choose to document your feelings of neglect by your husband and the impression that he does not care about you. The root cause of the anger is the result of your own inner needs.

Gaining an understanding of our needs enables us to gain a deeper insight into ourselves.

Additionally, understanding our own needs allows us to communicate with our husbands in a reasonable manner and request their assistance in meeting our needs. This is likely the most valuable insight for the original poster.

2. Practice awareness.

The reason we are carried away by our emotions is that, at the moment they arise, we are not aware of their existence. I am unsure if the original poster has had this experience, but sometimes when we are angry, we are aware that we are angry.

This is because we have become aware of our emotions, and a part of our consciousness has observed the state of our mind as an outsider. As a result, we can increase our ability to become aware of our emotions in our daily lives.

Identify the emotions you are experiencing and note whether they are anxiety, fear, or another emotion. This process often allows individuals to gain deeper insight into their emotional state.

For further reading on this topic, we suggest the following books: The Power of Now and The Body Knows the Answer.

3. Consider expressive writing.

Expressive writing can assist in the release of emotions and facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself. What topics might be suitable for such writing?

It would be beneficial to record the events that transpired, the circumstances surrounding your actions and your husband's, and the reasons behind your emotional response. It would also be helpful to document your internal feelings at the time.

Please describe your feelings on this matter and indicate what you would like your husband to do in this situation.

By recording in this way, we can identify the situations that trigger emotional responses and the underlying needs that drive them.

This process can help us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and establish a stronger connection with our inner selves.

Once you have a clear understanding of your own needs and motivations, you will be better equipped to make informed decisions and achieve your goals. The key is to write and practice regularly, regardless of the quality or logic of your output.

The more you write, the more you can gain insight into your inner processes. It seems that there is a teacher on the Yi Xinli platform who has developed a course based on the principles of writing therapy.

4. Explore alternative methods of communication.

When we become angry, we frequently hope that our spouse will acknowledge our concerns and try to comprehend our perspective. We may even desire that they recognize their own shortcomings. Based on our experience, did the outcome align with our expectations?

If we do not adopt a different approach, we may even alienate the other person. Therefore, it would be beneficial to explore alternative methods of self-expression and communication.

To enable him to gain a deeper understanding and appreciation of you.

It is important to understand the differences in the way men and women think. In the perception of girls, they may hope that the boy will understand them without them having to say anything, and they may view this as a sign of love.

If a man does not do this, it may be an indication that he does not fully appreciate his own value. It is also the case that the majority of men are unable to accurately discern the thoughts and feelings of women.

In the minds of boys, there is a perception that if a woman discloses her needs or feelings, the man will be able to understand and respond appropriately. Similarly, if a woman is angry, she is expected to explain why, so that the man can adjust his behavior accordingly.

Boys often lack the opportunity to identify emotions from an early age. They may have been taught that it is important for them to be strong, not to cry, and not to show their emotions.

Therefore, a more straightforward method of communication is required.

The host may find it beneficial to review the communication template in the book "Nonviolent Communication." Additionally, the book "Emotional First Aid" is a valuable resource for addressing emotional management.

I hope these resources will be of some assistance to you. Please be assured that the process of personal growth is an ongoing one, and there is no need to be concerned.

Please allow yourself some time. I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach on the Yi Xinli platform.

Good morning, host. From your account, I can empathize with your feelings. It is clear that in a marriage, there will inevitably be disagreements between the two parties. The key is to determine who will compromise first.

I hope that by sharing this information, I can provide you with a new perspective on anger and assist you in developing a more nuanced understanding of this complex emotion.

Furthermore, you stated in the article that your emotions originate from the challenges and disagreements in your relationship, which serve as the catalyst for your anger.

Let us examine the definition of anger from a psychological perspective.

In practice, how does anger manifest?

Anger is a basic human emotion that can be defined as a feeling of self-reproach that arises from within. It is characterised by its rapid onset and destructive potential, and is innate to humans. This can be observed in infants as young as a few months old. It is evident that when we restrain a baby's behaviour and control its activities, the baby's angry emotion is manifested in crying.

In psychology, anger is defined as an unpleasant emotional reaction caused by a perceived injustice or unacceptable frustration, according to American psychologist Jacques Hilar.

Therefore, when anger arises, whether we choose to suppress it or express it immediately, it serves as a clear indicator of negative emotions. It also signals that something has gone awry, either because someone has wronged us or because our mutual expectations have not been met.

It is therefore evident that when anger arises, it will have a detrimental impact on both ourselves and others, yet we are unable to regulate it. What is the underlying cause of this?

Physiological research indicates that when an individual becomes angry due to external factors, the brain releases dopamine, which causes physiological changes such as an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. In such instances, rational thinking is impeded, and people may engage in aggressive or harmful behaviors.

Verena Kast therefore concludes that any form of anger implies aggression against the environment and the world around us.

It is therefore unsurprising that when an individual is dominated by anger and acts on impulse, they will do something out of the ordinary.

It is evident that in this situation of anger, you will act in a way that is challenging to accept.

It is important to recognize that every situation has two sides and that these can be resolved. The key is in how you handle the situation. It is also possible to control anger.

When we understand the nature of anger, we gain insight into our own psychology. Managing the emotion of anger and using it for positive energy can turn anger into a driving force for effecting change, rather than a means of avoiding confrontation when one is in the right.

The following method can be employed to control one's emotions:

American emotion management expert Dr. Ronald states, "Research indicates that intense anger often dissipates within 12 seconds. While it can have a destructive impact initially, it can be controlled and resolved. Controlling these 12 seconds can effectively manage negative emotions."

Issues that cannot be resolved without communication are only those that require communication and resolution. When you have a disagreement with your husband, it is important to consider the underlying reasons for the conflict and the potential outcomes of reaching a resolution.

What are the potential consequences of an unfavorable outcome?

It is also possible to adopt the perspective of the other party and consider how they might respond in the same situation.

Once these issues have been resolved, I believe the number of disagreements between you will decrease.

I would like to suggest a book for your consideration: The Wisdom of Life – How to Live a Happy Life by Arthur Schopenhauer.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

Hello! From what you said, it seems like some small issues have been bothering you.

I've lost my temper with my husband four times in one month. Do I really lack emotional self-control and the ability to regulate my emotions, or do I just take things very seriously when I think they are wrong?

So, let's dive in and explore emotions together! From a growth perspective, could there be a link between how you feel today and the personalities of your parents in your original family? What's the real inner need that's being expressed by your emotional reaction?

Let's dive a little deeper into this together! Let's analyze it from a psychological perspective.

I'm sure you've wondered why you can't control your emotions.

1. It's so easy to forget that our bad emotions are actually protecting us! They're just our bodies' way of avoiding getting hurt.

2. We tend to look outside of ourselves for things and can often feel a bit disturbed by external voices.

Take a moment to think about why you argue with your husband so often. Is it because you're hoping to get what you want by asking your partner to do things over and over again?

3. We don't always love ourselves, especially when we're feeling negative emotions, when we're imperfect, or when we have bad thoughts.

Have you ever wondered why bad emotions make us feel more painful?

It's natural to want to get rid of these bad emotions or extreme thoughts. Sometimes we even want to abandon them and bury them. But the truth is that they are part of us, so we'll cause secondary anxiety and anger if we try to push them away. Because of our own anxiety and anger, we'll feel even more anxious and angry, and these overlapping feelings will make us even more miserable. It's like we're experiencing double the trouble at the same time!

So, how should we adjust?

First, we have to accept that we're not perfect. We're all imperfect in some way. When we're in a bad mood, it's not really us; it's just a way of protecting ourselves.

Second, it's important to remember that emotions are our allies in life. All our thoughts and feelings are a reflection of our inner selves, shaped by our past experiences.

It's also important to remember that all those bad moods, negative thoughts, and feelings of worthlessness that we'd rather not have are like "enemies" surrounding us, making us explode from time to time.

It's so important to treat these bad emotions as if they were our own children. We need to establish a new relationship with them and stop trying to abandon, kill, or ignore them. Instead, we should develop a sense of curiosity towards them, accept them, and care for them even more.

I know it can be tough, but I really think you should try communicating with your husband in a different way. For example, you could express your feelings about the matter you're arguing about using the words "I feel..."

In a marriage, when a couple get along, sometimes they need to turn a blind eye, and sometimes it's like dancing a pas de deux. It's important to learn to advance and retreat appropriately in order to last.

You want to recommend books on emotional management. Other excellent answerers have already recommended some great books for you, so I won't repeat them here. I'll just suggest a few more that I think you'll like.

I'd also like to suggest Ms. Jin Yunrong's wonderful book, "Do You Want Happiness or Right and Wrong?"

I'd like to mention Dr. Hai Lan's wonderful book, "Not Perfect, Just Beautiful 2: Emotions Determine Destiny."

And finally, I'll leave you with a few more of my favorites: "Happy Marriage," "How to Practice in Love," "The Five Languages of Love," and "Partial Psychology."

And now, I'd like to leave you with a quote:

? Marriage is not about finding an outstanding partner to take care of me.

I need to find someone who can help me become a good partner, too!

Because of him, I can become an even better partner, and I'm excited to see what that looks like!

I'm Yun Qing, and I just want to say that I love the world and I love you! I wish you all the best!

Good day. I am pleased to have this opportunity to discuss strategies for navigating intimate relationships.

From the description provided by the questioner, it was evident that she had engaged in numerous disagreements with her husband over inconsequential issues, even to the point of leaving the marital residence. She expressed concern over her inability to effectively manage her emotions, which was a cause for concern. Consequently, it would be beneficial for the questioner to consider the underlying causes of the conflict with her husband.

Please describe the circumstances that lead you to refuse to concede in the face of an opposing viewpoint. Do you ever leave the situation entirely, even if you feel strongly about the matter?

Please describe the perspective that supports you in doing so. Please explain the root causes of the conflict between the questioner and their partner. When a conflict arises, please describe your response. Please describe your feelings. Please describe the perspective that supports you. Please describe your expectations for this conflict. Please describe your inner longing.

These questions can be considered when there is a conflict, allowing the questioner to gain insight into the underlying issues with their loved ones.

Intimacy in the family requires effort. By confronting the emotions underlying the conflict and identifying the underlying causes, the questioner can gain insight into their own behavior and communicate their needs clearly, rather than engaging in inconsequential arguments.

As the question was posed on this platform, I can only offer a few straightforward suggestions for managing emotions:

1. Learn to express emotions.

It is beneficial to share positive emotions with others, as well as negative emotions, in order to enhance emotional sensitivity, deepen self-understanding, and gain control. Expressing negative emotions is particularly crucial, as it not only alleviates tension but also prevents the accumulation of negative emotions.

It is important to remember that when expressing negative emotions, it is crucial to focus on the issue at hand rather than the person involved.

2. Learn to channel excessive emotions in a productive manner.

It is important to remember that everything has its value in moderation. However, life is often complicated, and people may have excessive emotional reactions due to various internal and external stimuli.

It is essential to identify appropriate and secure outlets for your emotions in a timely manner. This could include seeking counsel from a trusted individual or communicating with your loved ones to address your emotions effectively and avoid a backlog when there are disagreements.

3. Avoid making decisions when you are emotionally compromised.

It is challenging for individuals to make sound decisions when they are emotionally impulsive. Therefore, exceptions may be made in emergency situations, and for some, wisdom emerges from urgency. If you are in a conflict with a loved one and emotions are running high, you can propose a solution with your loved one.

In the event that both parties are experiencing elevated emotions, it is recommended that a brief (approximately 10 minutes or longer) recess be taken to allow for emotional regulation and the avoidance of actions that may be detrimental to the discussion. Once emotions have been stabilized, it would be prudent to resume the discussion.

4. Should you require assistance in managing emotions that you are unable to resolve independently, we recommend seeking guidance from a qualified psychological counselor.

Psychological counselors are professionally trained and have a set of mature and effective methods to help. If necessary, they can assist the questioner in overcoming negative emotions in the shortest possible time. If you encounter negative emotions that you cannot resolve well on your own, you can seek help from a psychological counselor on this platform.

Regarding the questioner's interest in reading more on related topics, I suggest two books: "Why Does Home Hurt?" and "How Does the New Family Shape People?" I also recommend books on Satir family systems, which the questioner can find on their own.

I hope this response proves helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way.

In reality, everyone will experience periods of anxiety, depression, sadness, or anger. However, not everyone knows how to manage their emotions effectively.

When we suppress our emotions, like anger, sadness, worry, anxiety, and fear, it can have a negative impact on our mental and physical health. Studies have shown that almost all diseases are related to emotions, and over 90% of people will experience emotional issues affecting their body organs. For instance, if you're often angry, you may experience discomfort like indigestion or stomach discomfort.

However, long-term depression or long-term anxiety, resentment, sadness, etc. can lead to a decline in cognitive function and social skills, an inability to persist in learning and work, and even serious psychological disorders.

So, learning to manage our emotions is something every adult needs to do. If you keep your mind in a balanced state, it'll make your world a better and more harmonious place.

It's also a great time to understand yourself better. We can learn to understand and regulate ourselves, and learn to live with our emotions in a more positive way, in the following ways:

Be aware of the main reason behind your emotions.

When you feel angry, sad, or disappointed, take a moment to think about why. What needs aren't being met?

If you keep an eye on your emotions and think about why you're feeling a certain way, you'll probably be able to figure out the root cause. Once you know what the real problem is, you can start working on a solution. This can really help to improve your overall mood.

For instance, I used to get pretty angry when other people didn't do what I expected. I expected my mother-in-law not to control me, my husband to be with me all the time, and my kids to be proactive in learning...

When they don't meet my standards, I feel bad. I later realized that I have a problem with using my standards to demand things from others. When they don't meet my standards, I get angry.

When I stop trying to make other people fit my standards and accept them for who they are, my emotions become much more stable.

But the main reason we get angry is different for everyone because we all have different needs inside. Basically, we get emotional because our inner needs aren't being met.

A friend of mine often gets angry because others don't recognize and accept him. The root cause of his emotions is actually his lack of recognition and acceptance of himself.

There's a psychological principle that says when we lack something inside, we tend to look for it outside.

If we're always looking for external validation and recognition, it's a sign that we don't fully recognize and accept ourselves. When we rely on others for approval and acceptance, we'll often find that others are inconsistent, and nobody is always going to affirm and recognize us. This can make us feel unrecognized and unaccepted, which can lead to a vicious cycle.

We need to look within, learn to affirm ourselves, accept ourselves, accept our imperfections, and accept ourselves as a whole.

My friend learned to affirm and accept himself, and it really helped. He said, "After I accepted and recognized myself enough, I discovered that my world really changed a lot. I no longer get so emotional about other people's negativity, because I know what kind of person I am, and they are just negating me because I don't meet their evaluation standards. Of course I'm also happy when other people affirm me, but I know that they are only affirming me because I meet their evaluation standards..."

Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected. They're like gears that move together when one changes. So, when we understand what's really behind our anger and then adjust our thinking and behavior accordingly, it can really help to improve our emotions.

It's important to accept all your emotions.

It's important to remember that when we accept both positive and negative emotions, we're accepting ourselves. Emotions are a natural part of who we are, and it's essential to embrace them fully.

It's not necessary to deliberately deal with bad emotions, but you can take them with you to get things done. Emotions aren't good or bad. They're actually useful because they help us understand ourselves and also help us feel the world.

We need to embrace a positive view of emotions. This means not judging any emotion that arises and not determining whether each emotion is good or bad.

If you judge emotions as good or bad, you'll naturally gravitate towards the good ones, like happiness and joy. You'll avoid and resist the bad ones, like depression and irritability.

If you embrace the good and reject the bad, you'll end up drained and in a cycle of emotional turmoil.

Keep a positive outlook and don't make a big deal out of whether your emotions are good or bad. This means not putting your emotions into two different boxes, which will help you avoid internal conflicts and struggles.

This way, you can treat your emotions with a bit of distance, which will help you have more control over them.

That's when you'll really have control over your emotions.

It's important to channel your emotions in a reasonable way.

Did you know that you can't suppress your emotions? Sigmund Freud said, "If you try to hide your emotions, they'll find a way to come out in a more intense way."

Some people find that crying is a good way to release their emotions. However, this can only have a temporary effect. There are other ways to release emotions, too:

If you need to get rid of pain, you can write it all out (no need to worry about neat handwriting or logical content, just express yourself). You can also find the right person to talk to, share your inner worries and pressure, and at the same time feel the love and support of your friends.

If it's because you're self-negating, you need to improve how you see yourself, give yourself positive feedback, and practice affirming yourself. You can also improve your thinking by reading books like "Identifying Yourself: Transcending Your Inherent Weaknesses," "Accepting Your Imperfections," and "Rebuilding Your Life."

If you're feeling sad because of someone, you can find the person you want to connect with, have an honest exchange, and express your needs to them. Only when we express our needs and feelings will our hearts not be so oppressed.

If you need to release anger, you can do so through strenuous exercise—think boxing, running, kicking, and so on. You can also try squeezing stress balls, pounding pillows or sandbags, tearing paper, and so on. Another option is the empty chair technique, which involves placing an empty chair in a room and assuming the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. Then, you can express your thoughts and feelings (including abuse and anger) to the chair as much as you'd like.

I'd also suggest checking out "The Elephant and the Rider" and "Emotions" if you're interested in learning more about emotions.

I hope this helps. Best regards.

Hello,

I can appreciate that getting caught up in an emotional dilemma is not a pleasant experience.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that learning to improve the current situation and seeking more effective help to alleviate the conflict between you could be beneficial.

Rather than placing blame on others, I took the initiative to improve myself, which demonstrated to me your love for your partner in the relationship.

It also shows me that there may be room for improvement in your communication. I really appreciate you and I am proud of the effort you are willing to make in your relationship.

"Recently, I've had a few disagreements with my husband over relatively minor issues. Last night, I decided to leave the house in my slippers."

It might be the case that frequent arguments indicate a communication problem, whereby neither partner's needs are being fully understood or met.

"I feel that I may lack a certain degree of emotional self-control and regulation, and that I may sometimes take things a bit too seriously when I feel they are wrong."

It might be helpful to consider that attributing your emotional control ability to yourself may not fully address the underlying cause.

In an intimate relationship, it may be more beneficial to focus on reducing the occurrence of conflicts and improving communication and expression methods than on managing emotions.

I would like to respectfully suggest that you consider reading the book "Nonviolent Communication."

I would like to offer some reasons for recommending it.

The content described in the book offers a very effective communication method that can be used immediately in real life. It can help us to be more peaceful in our hearts during communication. I have read the book several times and found it very useful. I would therefore like to recommend it to you.

This book does not suggest that we should repress our emotions, but rather encourages us to express them in a reasonable way. In today's world, we often don't get the chance to experience and express our own feelings and needs.

When both parties involved in a communication understand and see each other's feelings and needs, conflicts can be significantly reduced, which can help create a better atmosphere for close relationships.

When emotions arise, it is often easy to become overwhelmed with anger. It may be helpful to consider non-violent communication methods as a way to better control your emotions and improve your communication.

When unfortunate events occur, it is natural to seek retribution and assign blame. However, it is important to recognize that our emotions may be influenced by our perception of the situation rather than solely by external actions. This can potentially lead to subsequent interactions that may not align with our expectations.

I would like to draw your attention to the following point:

I would like to suggest that the model of non-violent communication could be described as follows:

1) Expressing oneself honestly without criticizing or blaming, while still maintaining respect for the other person.

2) Attempt to listen with concern to others, without interpreting it as criticism or accusation.

I would like to take a moment to share with you the four elements of non-violent communication.

1. Observation: It is important to be able to distinguish between observation and comment. It is best to observe what is happening without comment.

2. Feelings: Allow yourself to experience and express your feelings. What feelings do you think you or the other person might be experiencing at this moment?

3. Need: The source of the feeling/What would be most helpful for the other person or me right now?

4. Request: It may be helpful to ask for help or to guide the other person in stating their needs.

This is just a small part of the content, and this communication method has a wide range of applications. If you would like to know more, you are very welcome to read the book.

I appreciate you taking the time to ask this question.

Hello, question asker!

I get where you're coming from. You argue with your husband over minor issues and even leave the house in your slippers. "I lack emotional self-control and the ability to regulate my emotions, or I take things very seriously when I think they are wrong." You've identified the issue and are reflecting on it, which is great.

But to be honest, it's still a bit unrealistic to achieve the goal of controlling your emotions by recommending some books on emotional management. It's like we understand the truth, but we still can't live a good life.

Let's see if there are any methods that suit you and that you can try first.

It's important to take a few seconds to calm down before you encounter a problem.

I know it's tough, but try to calm down a bit before you react. If you'd taken a few seconds to compose yourself, you'd have noticed your slippers were on. You might understand why you're reacting the way you do, but it's still difficult to put into practice. I know you'll get there.

"I left the house in my slippers last night," which shows that you were really angry at the time, so angry that you rushed out the door in your slippers. If you had taken a moment to calm down at the beginning of the argument or looked down a little when you opened the door a little later, you would have noticed the problem with your slippers.

If you could calm down a little earlier, maybe you wouldn't argue at all. You may understand the reasoning, but it's still tough to put it into practice. You'll probably still be impulsive the next time you get angry.

Deliberate practice is key here.

This takes some practice. You can try deep breathing or distraction techniques to gradually reduce your impulses by focusing on your breathing and temporarily postponing the immediate conflict through other matters.

This takes practice. You can try deep breathing or distraction techniques to gradually reduce your impulses by focusing on your breathing and postponing the immediate conflict through other means.

▪ Figure out what's really going on here.

When you calm down, think about why you're arguing. Is it because your personalities don't match, your living habits are different, or you're misunderstanding each other?

It's important to learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

You may find that there's no absolute right or wrong in many things. We just look at problems from different perspectives and stand in different positions. If you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and start from their point of view, you can also experience their situation.

For instance, a husband who's busy outside the home can empathize with the daily grind of a housewife and realize she's got a lot on her plate. Likewise, a wife who grumbles at home about her husband staying out late can understand the pressure he's under to entertain guests. In reality, he's out late just to improve his quality of life.

It's important to learn to express your needs.

Sometimes, we have to make the other person figure out what our needs are, but the differences in how men and women think can lead to some differences in how we express ourselves. Many boys are more straightforward and won't guess.

Instead of guessing, you can just come out and say what you need, like more companionship, instead of complaining. You can talk it over and come up with a good solution together.

Why not just come out and say what you need, like more companionship, instead of complaining? Then you can work it out together.

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster. Best wishes!

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster. Best wishes!

Hello, I am Yiyashu, and I will help you face this problem.

From your writing, it's clear you're dissatisfied with your husband. You have your own opinions and you're not afraid to stand your ground. If he does something wrong, you're quick to argue. If he doesn't apologize or admit it, you get emotional.

This is an emotional management problem caused by unresolved internal emotional and psychological issues. These issues will inevitably manifest in our daily relationships.

The intimacy you have with your husband, the problems you have with arguing, and your emotional problems are undoubtedly the result of unresolved and unhealed hurts from your childhood relationship with your parents. These issues will inevitably resurface in your intimate relationships as you move forward.

The best way to deal with emotions is not to try to control them. Use them as a clue to explore your past trauma.

As children, our hearts were vulnerable, and we had a lot of pent-up emotions and unexpressed needs when we were with our parents. For example, our parents didn't care about us. We felt unappreciated and uncared for when we were with them. We were always scolded and denied by our parents, and our parents used reasoning to deny our needs and emotions, making us sensitive to their denial.

You also mentioned in your text that you take things seriously when you think they are wrong. This is a great place to start.

Imagine how you would feel if someone did something you thought was wrong and then didn't do it the way you thought it should be done.

Tell me, do you feel angry, aggrieved, and powerless?

Tell me, when you are with your husband, are you easily angered and hurt when he does something you think is wrong?

What does this sense of hurt remind you of? I'm sure you've felt the same way at some point.

We use this clue to find our inner feelings and identify the triggers of similar feelings in past experiences.

Intimate relationships reflect our past traumatic emotions and minds. They are clues that can help us find the trauma.

I advise the questioner to conduct further research on healing the original family. You also mentioned the need for books as aids, so I will introduce you to some books:

Read Wu Zhihong's "Why Family Hurts" and "The Body Knows the Answer." Cong Feicong's "Understanding Anger," "Nurturing Your Inner Child," and "I'm Really Great" are essential reads.

Tang Minggang: "Reconciliation with the Inner Child"

These books will help you find clues to your childhood trauma, gain an understanding of your past state, and discover that the problems in your current intimate relationship are related to your past patterns of interaction and emotional patterns with your parents.

You must learn to see what your emotions are trying to tell you. Only by seeing your emotions will you not be swept along by them. These emotions are here to express the past repression and hurt you have experienced. If you only learn about emotional management and do not explore it in depth, your emotions will return.

When you really can't control your emotions in the moment, take a deep breath to distance yourself from them. Find a place to be alone and release your emotions. Don't suppress them. Learn to release them in a reasonable way.

Find a safe and quiet place to cry your heart out. Once you've calmed down, acknowledge and embrace the emotions that have just occurred. Record them if you want, but don't worry about writing them down in a logical way. Writing down what you want to say may give you deeper clues.

You will naturally experience less intense emotions if you do more work on seeing and understanding them.

Good day, I am Liu Hongyan, a listening coach.

My name is Liu Hongyan, and I am a listening coach.

I can see that you are distressed and aware of your situation. You are clearly determined to help yourself through learning.

I would like to suggest two books for your consideration.

The first book is Why Are My Emotions Always Controlled by Others? by Albert Ellis, the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy.

The book begins by explaining how we are gradually controlled until we become overly emotional. Once we understand the reason, we can implement the appropriate solution.

The final section of the book outlines a method for thinking in a way that is most beneficial, as well as a straightforward four-step approach to preventing emotions from influencing your decisions, and three key areas to focus on for improving your reactions in challenging situations.

I recommend this book because it provides a comprehensive explanation of emotional processes and offers straightforward techniques for managing emotions and responding to intense emotions.

The second book is How to Argue Properly, co-written by Judith Wright and her husband Bob Wright. This book is also based on their personal experiences and insights, debunking the myths of arguing, showing us what the wrong concepts and approaches are in intimate relationships, and then exploring and learning how to follow our inner desires. Finally, it provides methods for transforming conflict into a positive experience.

Please let me know if my answer seems like an advertisement.

Should you be interested in these two books, you are welcome to read them.

I trust that my response will be of assistance to you.

Best regards,

Good morning. I am grateful for your trust and for inviting me to answer your question. Before we proceed, if it is not an imposition, I would like to offer you a gesture of warmth and support.

You mentioned that you had recently engaged in a heated discussion with your husband on four occasions over relatively minor issues. The other night, you left the house in your slippers. It seems that you were feeling quite frustrated and overwhelmed, and perhaps the situation was challenging for you to navigate. In that moment, you chose to step away from the situation.

It is often helpful to remove oneself from the situation in order to deal with conflict and prevent emotional problems from escalating. I understand your concern about being in your slippers, but I believe you will find that it is an effective solution.

You mention feeling that you lack emotional self-control and regulation, which is something many of us experience to varying degrees.

It's possible that, as you say, "being serious about things you think are wrong" is the main cause of your emotional outbursts. If you really understand the problem in this way, you might like to try pressing the pause button on your emotions next time you encounter this situation. You could tell yourself, "Things may not be that bad; it's just that I'm in a bad mood, which is exacerbating these bad feelings." You could then slow down your actions and take a few deep breaths to see if your feelings change.

I'm sorry, but I really can't think of any books that I believe would be particularly suitable for you off the top of my head. I hope you understand.

Please note that the above are just my personal views, for reference only. I hope you take care of yourself.