Like a same-sex colleague, get along well, she left, still find it hard to let go

It seems like you might be a little confused between friendship and love. Don't worry, we can sort it out together! I hope it will be useful to you.

Hey there! I just wanted to check in and see if you're sure you're gay? I'm not trying to pry or anything, but I'm just wondering if you're absolutely certain you'll only like girls and never boys?

It's really important for you to figure out your own sexual orientation so that you don't end up in the same situation again in the future.

From what you've told me, it seems like your colleague really treats you like a sister and has no other thoughts about you. But because your own thoughts are not pure, you feel trapped. In fact, the friendship between two people of the same sex should be that of best friends. Your colleague must also approve of you, but because she is not gay and does not like the same sex, she is very frank in her dealings with you. It seems like your intentions for each other are not equal, so maintaining the friendship is more difficult, especially for you, who are reluctant to end it. But there is no future, so that it may affect your own work and life, which would be a loss.

So, are you willing to take a step back? Just treat her as a close friend, a good friend, without any improper thoughts. You can communicate with each other easily, and she can also be a source of spiritual comfort, but absolutely nothing else is involved?

If you can do this, you can keep the friendship going. If not, it might be best to end it. This is because your colleague doesn't have any feelings for you; she is relaxed and has a good friend.

If you don't feel at ease, there might come a day when your reluctance will throw your heart off balance. This could make it even more difficult to resolve this conflict again.

If there's a way to do both, it's to change your own thinking so you can maintain this friendship without hurting her or yourself. As for regret, you get to choose whether or not you regret it.

It's like a fork in the road in life. You can only choose one path, and you can only control your own direction, not anyone else's. So, changing your perception changes your thoughts, and who knows, your current dilemma might not even exist anymore!

Hello, questioner! I'm Jia Ao, and I'm here to help!

I've read your story and I'm here to help! It seems like you've been going through a lot lately. It's totally normal to feel sad when a colleague you like leaves the company. It's also normal to feel confused when the colleague you like treats you like a sister and starts chatting with other guys more frequently. I'm here to help you navigate these feelings and find a way forward.

Someone you've liked for a long time only treats you like a sister, and now the other person has left the company you work for. You must really miss each other! Even if she still initiates conversations with you, you find it hard to accept her leaving. You know it's not going to work out, but if you don't even reply to her when she initiates a chat, you'll really lose her for good. On the one hand, you know you shouldn't be hung up on her, but on the other hand, you don't want to really stop contacting her. Is there any good way to make yourself feel better?

Let's chat!

1. [Calm analysis] You're in a tough spot. You don't want to give up, but you don't want to be reluctant either. If you don't let go, it will be difficult for you to even see each other now. Now that she has left her job, even if she doesn't, she will only see you as a sister or a friend. She hasn't clearly expressed her affection for you. What if you could transform your affection for her into a sisterly love? You could still be there for her as a friend or sister. And she could have the love of a sister. It's a win-win!

2. [Effective communication] The above method will be more tiring, but it'll be worth it! Do you want the love you want, or do you want to silently be by each other's side? Think about this carefully and choose wisely!

You should definitely communicate with the other person! You know your feelings, so ask yourself: does the other person still insist on being just friends? You two have an amazing opportunity to open up and really talk about what's going on inside each other.

3. [Listen to your heart] A sudden breakup is definitely hard for both parties to accept and adapt to. But you can leave it all to time and listen to your own heart. Just let things take their course when it comes to relationships. You can slowly persuade yourself to let go. And if she enters into a relationship again later, you may really be able to let go! The current dilemma is all because you still can't let go. But you will!

4. [Slowly let go] Relationships are a matter for two people. The fact that she is now in contact with other guys more frequently is also her own business. When you get along with her, you still need to maintain an appropriate sense of boundaries. You like her very much and can't let her go, but she is obliged to accept your feelings. You just need to figure this out and leave everything to time! It will slowly let go. I wish you all the best!

I really hope my answer helps! The world and I love you ♥

Hello, I am a Heart Exploration coach. I understand that you have feelings for a colleague of the same sex. You believe this person to be your soul mate. You have expressed your feelings to her, and she has told you that she views you as a sister.

She has been chatting with someone of the opposite sex on WeChat, and you seem a little jealous and uncomfortable, but these things are out of our control. She has quit her job, and you feel that you can't accept her leaving, that you won't be able to say goodbye to her properly. She often initiates conversations with me, and I respond to her actively. You know that the best thing to do is to let her go and stop communicating with her, but you think that if you don't respond to her, you'll completely lose her. She has already said that she thinks of you as a sister, but you are unwilling to accept this. You feel uncomfortable when you think about her chatting with someone of the opposite sex.

You would like to move on, but you are concerned about losing her as a friend. How should you handle this? Is there a way you could handle this so that you won't regret it and you won't be deeply hurt by your inability to love? Would it be better to cut ties?

1. I can see that you have some conflicting feelings and thoughts inside you.

I sense that you are experiencing a significant internal conflict, a tug-of-war between the desire to break free and the reluctance to do so. It seems that you are hesitant to break free because you fear the potential pain that may accompany either choice.

It seems that you are suffering because you are reluctant to face the consequences and costs of your choices.

In the adult world, every choice has corresponding consequences and costs that we need to consider and accept.

It could be said that there is nothing more joyful than being free from pain, and nothing more frightening than being free from dependence.

It is important to remember that growth is often accompanied by loss. While the path to growth can be free and happy, it can also be painful.

2. It is possible that your pain may have its roots in childhood attachment patterns.

The questioner is experiencing a profound sense of loss due to the dissolution of a friendship. The continuation of the relationship may also evoke a similar pain, as it would not allow for the fulfillment of the other person's love.

Perhaps you could allow yourself to experience this painful feeling in your heart. It might be helpful to consider whether this kind of pain, whether from not getting what you wanted or from facing separation, was present in your original family, with your parents or other caregivers.

Could you please tell me where you found your emotional support as you grew up? I'm wondering if you received attention and respect from adults and felt secure.

British psychoanalyst John Bowlby put forth the notion that an individual's sense of security in their adult relationships may, to some extent, be influenced by their attachment experiences during early childhood. (Excerpt from Baidu Encyclopedia)

It is possible that attachment patterns in infancy may influence the way we interact in relationships as adults, particularly in intimate relationships.

3. Choose or not choose

I can see that the questioner has a coping strategy. It seems that you believe that the only way to break your thoughts and escape from the pain of not getting what you want is by breaking off contact.

You have presented yourself with two options: to disconnect or not. It is understandable that both options cause you pain. Perhaps you could consider comparing which one will make you feel more pain.

It is likely that, regardless of your decision, the outcome will be the same.

It might be helpful for the questioner to seek the support of a professional counselor. This could help to address any feelings of insecurity about personal growth, and provide support and guidance on the journey ahead.

The questioner may also benefit from a little more time to process. There is no need to rush into a decision. Instead, it might be helpful to stay in this position until you feel ready to explore coping strategies that align with your needs. Once you're in a place where you're ready, you can make a choice and allow yourself to move forward in a way that feels right for you.

Friends can continue to do it, but lovers can't. This is the current situation. I believe that accepting reality and growing yourself are suitable methods for the questioner. Of course, this is just my opinion, and I'm open to hearing other perspectives.

If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click below to find a coach to interpret, choose a heart exploration to accompany you, and communicate with me one-on-one. I hope the questioner can find relief from distress as soon as possible, and I wish you well.