Looking back on life, I have always been seeking and longing for love, yet I have always been alone.

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Indeed, your awareness is commendable. Due to your upbringing with your aunt and uncle, you experienced a lack of affection. You craved a nurturing home environment. You have consistently sought love and affection, relying on others to fulfill your emotional needs. However, you have consistently remained isolated. This is a cyclical pattern. You desire protection, yet you realize that no individual can fully safeguard you, just as you were during your childhood. This instills a sense of vulnerability and apprehension in high-stakes situations, as your subconscious believes that only through reliance on others can you obtain the protection and love you seek. However, is this truly the case? From a psychological perspective, self-love is essential for fostering confidence, resilience, and the capacity to protect oneself.

Indeed, when an individual begins to love themselves, they will find that others will love them in return. Loving oneself is the first step in breaking this cycle.

It is this author's recommendation that the following course of action be pursued:

It is essential to recognize one's own internal patterns, comprehend the influence of early experiences on the self, and accept and understand oneself.

During childhood and adolescence, individuals may have experienced a lack of love and affection from their primary caregivers, which can lead to feelings of unworthiness and a diminished sense of self-worth. This internal deficiency in love and acceptance can manifest as a tendency to seek external sources of love and validation, as evidenced by the adage "What we lack internally, we seek externally." However, adverse experiences and challenges in relationships can intensify this internal struggle, leading to feelings of abandonment and a persistent fear of being unloved. This fear can manifest as a strong attachment to the idea of being loved unconditionally, which can further reinforce the belief that one is unworthy of love. In marriage, the experience of being ignored or neglected can intensify these feelings of unworthiness and trigger early complexes, reinforcing the belief that one is undeserving of love and acceptance. This can perpetuate a cycle of seeking and craving love, yet the reality of the situation may persistently convey a sense of being unloved.

This is due to the influence of internal limiting beliefs. These beliefs are deeply rooted in the subconscious and are based on early experiences. One such belief may be, "I am not worthy of love." This belief, driven by repeated confirmation, leads to a persistent search for love and a craving for it. However, despite this pursuit, individuals may not achieve a stable form of love.

It is imperative to gain an understanding of one's own self, to recognize the influence of early experiences on one's self-perception, to acknowledge the impact of internal beliefs in the subconscious on one's self-concept, and to recognize that these aspects can be modified.

2. Modify one's self-treatment and cultivate self-love.

Once the influence of one's upbringing on one's current state of mind is recognized and one is able to accept oneself, the process of healing can begin. It is possible to alter one's self-treatment and to modify one's thought processes.

The notion that one is undeserving of love is merely a concept, not a verifiable fact. One has the capacity to select one's own thoughts, as thoughts are merely thoughts; they do not represent objective reality or the authentic self.

When an individual alters their self-treatment, when they begin to believe that they are worthy of love, when they start to learn to love themselves well, to accept themselves unconditionally, to take care of their own needs and feelings, to soothe the inner child, to give themselves the love and comfort they need, and to cease placing these expectations on the outside world and waiting for others to give them to you, then gradually they will provide themselves with sufficient security, they will become more and more confident, and their emotions will become more and more stable.

I recommend the following books, which provide insight into the process of self-love: Rebuilding Your Life, Accepting an Imperfect Self, and The Power of Self-Care.

3. It can be argued that loneliness is a universal experience, and that the only reliable sources of protection and support are one's own company and personal relationships.

I previously held the hope that I would always have the benefit of stable protection and care from another person. However, I have since come to understand that this is an unattainable ideal. Even the most loving couple and the best parents will eventually leave us. One spouse will always leave first, and the other second. Parents will always go before us. It is therefore necessary to learn how to get along with ourselves throughout our lives. When one learns how to get along with oneself, one has the ability to be alone, and one also learns how to protect, accompany, care for and support oneself when one is lonely.

In solitude, I engage in a multitude of activities to nourish myself and learn to accompany myself, including writing, reading, exercising, painting, singing, skincare, immersing myself in nature, and meditation. I have discovered that when I am able to accompany myself, solitude has also become a source of enjoyment, rather than a source of distress.

In conclusion, I would like to recommend the book When You Start Loving Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You Back.

It is my sincere hope that you will find this information beneficial. Best wishes,

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm thrilled to be able to give you some advice.

From your words, I can see that your two favorite characters to describe you are "haha." I can feel the resilience behind the laughter. This resilience is a very strong laugh at your past years, which contain your hard work to make a good life and your hard work to make yourself happy. Things may not always go the way you want, but you keep pushing forward!

You have faced some tough challenges in your life, but you've come this far, and you've got this! You've come here to ask a question and find the motivation to move forward through our answer to you.

I'm excited to help you analyze the situation based on the following aspects to see if I can alleviate your current state!

You have a definition of yourself, which is anxiety and low self-esteem, and you had social barriers in your early years without strong psychological support. Indeed, this reason comes from your biological family.

You have lived with your aunt and uncle since you can remember, and you have never experienced this most genuine love from your parents.

And as parents, you are your child's best protection and the strength behind them!

However, your aunt and uncle, no matter how good they are to you, are not your biological parents. No matter how much they support you, your emotional attachment to them may not be as strong as your trust in your parents. Therefore, it can be said that the problem with trust already appeared when you were young. But here's the good news! You can work on building a stronger relationship with your aunt and uncle. You can start by recognizing that they are still your family, and that you can have a great relationship with them.

If trust is an issue, it will be reflected in your friendships at school—and we can help you with that!

It's totally possible that you have very few friends or only one or two close friends at school! You lack trust in others, and you want to express this through your words, so that the other person feels that you are seeking love.

You are very respectful towards the other person, hoping that the care they give to others will also be shared with you. And you're right! We can see a word in this, called "share with you."

The word "give" represents an outward move by others. We have the power to receive these things if we get along with the other person or, conversely, if we are relatively humble. From your perspective, do you feel that you can give these things to yourself because you really do deserve them?

In fact, it is not! We need to look inward more, to look within. You can analyze yourself to find out what you need.

Absolutely! It's about being loved, right?

So what does the word "loved" represent? It represents the state of being that we express, and it exists in the eyes of others.

When others see your needs and provide help or give that love, it is a move initiated by the other person, and in this way we can realize being loved!

Then you may say, "Am I really worth it?" Absolutely! You are worth it!

And when you look inward, you realize that you have been submissive for so many years. You realize that you have always been very inferior. You realize that you have never defined your own needs. But you also realize that you can change all of that! You can start defining your own needs. You can start being the best version of yourself.

Catering to the other person means that we get to hide and cover up our true self. If the person we are dealing with likes to be eloquent, then we have the chance to force ourselves to become eloquent!

If the other person is someone we need to please, we will become very pleasing, etc. These are all contributing factors to the current situation, and we can work with them to create something even better!

So, let's get started on dealing with your inner anxiety! The first step is to strengthen yourself. How? By loving yourself!

To love yourself, you simply need to pay attention to your true inner needs!

So, what do you really need inside? First, put aside everything that other people around you want you to do. It's time to focus on what you want and how you can please yourself and make yourself comfortable and happy!

Starting from this point, you can easily pull yourself back from seeking outside help!

And then, you'll find ways to get along with other people, which will really help your state!

Then you can organize your text, what you want to say, and what you want to add to me. You can even click on my personal homepage and ask me questions! I will help you with a detailed further analysis.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've shared, I can see that you're feeling confused and helpless. At the same time, you're also very perceptive and have the courage to face this uncomfortable emotion head-on. That's great!

After reading your description, I feel very sorry for you. It seems like growing up without your family has made you sensitive and lacking in self-confidence. You married with the hope of having a warm family, but it ended in divorce. You tried to work hard, but you were fired again and again, which made you feel uncomfortable and hopeless. You seem tired inside. Is that right?

After reading your description, I feel really sorry for you and I want to give you a hug.

All problems are actually resources. We're experts at solving our own problems. The fact that you're aware of this and have come here means you're already on the path to change.

It's not your fault. You didn't have a family to grow up with, so you didn't feel secure inside. That made you feel powerless and unable to love yourself.

Based on what you've told me and how I feel about it, I'd like to offer you some advice that I hope will be helpful.

First, adjust your mindset.

We all have our own problems and confusions. The more difficult the situation, the more we need to adjust our mindset. We can do this by making positive mental suggestions and finding positive strength to give us the strength to change.

Secondly, it's important to accept and allow problems to happen.

All problems help us grow. When we encounter problems, we should try to accept them, reconcile with ourselves, and not fight against them. Only then will we have the strength to challenge and break through.

And finally, learn to love yourself.

When we were young, we didn't get enough love. Now that we're grown up, we can learn to love ourselves, respect our feelings, and take care of ourselves. When we learn to love ourselves, we have the strength within us to begin searching for our true happiness, and we can also have the ability to love and be loved.

Finally, don't be afraid to seek help from external resources.

If we're feeling confused and unable to adjust, we can turn to professional counselors. They use their skills to help us understand the root causes of our issues, heal, and adjust our inner selves so we can face the future with strength.

You can also teach yourself psychology and read some books.

Finally, I want to tell you that life's difficulties are temporary. You can also let it all out, heal yourself, and most importantly, learn to believe that you can get better by exercising more, finding someone to talk to, writing an emotional journal, going on a trip, and more.

If you believe in yourself, you can push yourself harder.

Dear questioner, I just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you how much I appreciate reading your words. It's like meeting you in person!

From your writing, I can see how careful you are to live under someone else's roof, which is really admirable.

I can see you as a little kid, longing to go home. It's so sad to think of you living in someone else's home, learning to follow their rules and habits, and trying not to make mistakes. It must have been so hard to grow up in a restrictive environment where you couldn't truly relax.

I totally get why you're frustrated and regret boarding, but I honestly think it was the best way to protect yourself in those circumstances.

I once met a student whose mother told me a sad story. She said that she had no choice but to send her daughter to live with her aunt in the countryside because if she were to let her go back to the remote village and live with the elderly people there at the weekends, she would be at risk of being attacked by local delinquents, as had happened to many innocent young girls from the same village. So boarding school was the only option.

- Parents can't really relate to feeling like a stranger in a foreign land because they're always close to their relatives. They might not understand why we're so timid and avoid being a stranger in a foreign land across generations. As we grow up, we need to heal the young self we were.

"I only stayed at home for longer during the summer and winter vacations after graduating from high school and university. After graduating from university, I got married and wanted to have a warm family. I didn't expect anything else, but things didn't turn out as I hoped." It's clear you long for warmth and actively seek it. Some people say, "Getting married is the second college entrance exam." I agree with this! You chose to get married for a warm family.

I admire your courage to love and hate. You married for happiness, but things didn't work out, and you got divorced. You have no internal conflicts and know exactly what you want.

- At the same time, you are also a very goal-oriented person. You were planning to work hard after the divorce, but things haven't been going well at work lately. Unfortunately, you encountered some setbacks and were laid off by the company.

I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm really sorry for you.

After listening to your story, I really feel that you long to be loved and protected, and I can imagine this must be a really difficult feeling for you. However, I want to tell you that you are not alone, and many people have felt similar.

It's possible that your upbringing has made you feel lonely, but that doesn't mean you'll always feel this way in the future. Everyone has their own unique life path, and finding love and companionship may take some time and effort, but you'll get there!

It's only natural to want to find love and search for it. But as you do, remember to love yourself first. Look after your physical and mental health, do things that make you happy, and don't be afraid to try new things and make new friends. You never know, you might meet that special person who can bring you warmth and love!

- And please, don't be too hard on yourself for your performance in big situations. We all have our own areas of weakness, and you've worked so hard to get to where you are today! You're already great, so don't forget that.

– Don't worry about what happened in the past. You're in control of your future, and I'll always be here to support you!

"A thousand sails pass by the side of a sunken ship, and a thousand trees spring up in front of a diseased tree." I'm here for you, my friend.

This is the perfect blend of knowledge and action, and I truly hope that we all have a happy and fulfilling rest of our lives!

Hi, I'm a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not just for appreciation, but for blossoming.

I'm going to give you a warm hug. We're all in this together. You asked for help here, but you also connected with others who have had similar experiences and feelings. That's a form of "love transmission." Let's share and discuss together:

1. First of all, happiness is something you can choose to perceive.

The words you choose are powerful and speak to your current feelings, perceptions of life, and experiences. They show that you have a natural ability to love, but it has not yet been fully developed.

In our limited time on this earth, we will meet many people and experience many things. These relationships will give us different insights into life.

As you mentioned, you didn't feel the warmth and love of your parents when you were young. Living under someone else's roof made you feel inferior and timid. This experience taught you to read people's expressions and words, to please and please, or to escape isolation and suppress yourself.

To sum up, your childhood experiences have given you a pretty negative outlook on life. Even after you become an adult and enter into a close relationship, this outlook still follows you around like a shadow, causing you to become deeply troubled.

It's not just you. People who weren't treated well as children, even those who live in happy families and have parents by their side for a long time, are constantly looking for love and are always full of longing for love. It's just that you lack the ability to feel love and want more.

2. Share some movie recommendations for love.

From Erich Fromm's "The Art of Love": Love is a positive emotion that grows from within.

Love is something we're born with, passed down to us by our parents through their unconditional love and acceptance.

It's true that you don't have the same level of psychological support from your parents that you did when you were a child. But now that you're an adult, you can become your own "significant other" and provide yourself with the psychological nourishment you need.

Next, I'd like to share a few movies that show how to cultivate love and find yourself.

The Perfect Day, starring the veteran Japanese actor Koji Yakusho, is about the daily life of a toilet cleaner. Even from this perspective, though, you can still see the happiness and abundance of a person.

Love isn't lost in our hearts; it's just another way of interpreting the people and things we experience. When I complain that I have no shoes to wear, I see that someone has actually lost their feet. Love is the love of life, the confidence and certainty in one's own life.

"Extra Large Beauties": An accident changed the chubby girl's personality a lot. She's still the same person, but her confidence has made her life better since then. "Eat, Pray, Love": The heroine had nowhere to live after her divorce, so she started wandering. Her wayward departure allowed her to meet her soulmate and made her realize that there can be no right love without a right self.

Life is like a cycle, either a virtuous or vicious one. The male protagonist of "Groundhog Day" spent decades living as if it were just one day. He thought he was cursed by fate, but eventually realized that "I am the source of everything," thus breaking the "vicious cycle."

Life goes on, and a little chicken soup never hurts.

Even if you stumble, take a deep breath. Those who don't defeat you will eventually make you stronger. You will always encounter the sweet after the bitter and the bitter after the sweet.

When you look back on your life, you can see a pattern of seeking and longing for love. This shows up in your relationships, how you interact with people, things, and emotions, and in feelings of loneliness and depression. When you become aware of this, change is already happening.

You always have a choice, even in the toughest of situations. The author of "Living a Meaningful Life" is a great example of this. Even in a Nazi concentration camp, he still chose to smile and face each day optimistically.

I hope this is helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you'd like to keep in touch, you can follow my personal homepage, Heart Exploration Service.

Dear questioner, I'm here for you.

You look for love, yearn for love, feel lonely, and no matter how hard you work, nothing seems to go right. It's too hard, but you ask for help. I see your bravery.

I remember spending time at my aunt and uncle's house. As a child, you long for love and acceptance from your parents. I'm sure your parents had their reasons.

They may not be able to come with you, whether for career reasons or because of your parents. It's also a choice they have to make, and it's the best arrangement. Do you agree? How would you feel if you were with them? Or do you feel no regrets and won't be lonely?

You can't tell if you have love just by feeling it. It's always around you, even if you can't see it. Your parents are limited. Your early years affect you. Living with someone else, junior high, marriage, and now losing your job. These things happen for a reason.

In your early years, you felt like you were living under someone else's roof. You felt like your family had abandoned you. You took on their mistakes, trying to please them so that you could survive. You've experienced the feeling of being abandoned countless times. You've had bad luck in marriage and career. You're familiar with this kind of pain. You're willing to immerse yourself in the pain, because it makes you feel safe and in control.

You want love but are alone. Can't you trust others? Even the most willful person has abandoned you. You are in pain. Who can help? You want to change your pain, so you ask for help.

Who can change their destiny? Time cannot be turned back. That lonely child has grown up and experienced a lot. In the end, am I mistreated by others or do I mistreat myself? Attracting others to go against you is self-identification. I am not good enough, but I need the approval of others. I need to constantly prove myself, which is also denying others. We attack each other.

The past is over, so take care of yourself. Your suffering will open your wisdom. When you are in pain, think about change. You deserve good things, accept your situation, and love yourself.

Bless you.

Hello there!

After reading your description, I totally get where you're coming from and how you feel.

First of all, you've already described your upbringing, which is really interesting! You said that you lived with your aunt and uncle from the beginning of your memory, and then you went to a boarding school from junior high school. You only stayed at home for longer during the summer and winter vacations until you graduated from high school and university.

"Growing up in such an environment, your childhood wasn't as happy as it could have been. This has also had a certain impact on your psychology and influenced your character in subtle ways. For example

1. It's totally normal to feel insecure sometimes! But when we don't feel secure, we might lash out at others, whether it's verbally or physically. Or we might feel like we have to put others down to make ourselves feel better. Over time, this can lead to us feeling angry and aggressive towards those around us.

2. You always want to get things, but your heart will feel empty. You want to get love and care from your parents, but they don't, so you have to heal the wounds alone.

3. When I hit a bump in the road, I feel like my mood can really swing. I get the sense that this is directed at me, and I don't think it's a joke at all.

4. Low self-concept: I have a sense of inferiority and a low opinion of myself, and I feel that I can't accomplish many things. This has led to a long-term negative evaluation of myself, which is totally normal!

Secondly, you wrote in your description: "After graduating from university, I married someone, hoping to have a warm family and nothing more. But things didn't turn out as I hoped, and after marriage, we ignored each other, and our conflicts intensified, so we divorced. After the divorce, I planned to work hard, but after working for less than two years, I was fired from my company.

From what you've told me, it seems like your childhood environment had a big impact on you. You were looking forward to getting married and starting a family. After you graduated, you were eager to tie the knot. You had this idea of what your ideal family would be like, but things didn't work out the way you hoped. You were still too young to really understand marriage, and you were eager for it, but maybe you didn't fully grasp what it would really be like. You might even say you got married a bit too early. It's important to understand that the world is a different place now than it was back then. In today's fast-paced world, people's values are changing quickly, too. What you see now might not be the same thing you see in the future.

Your first marriage wasn't ideal, but you didn't cause it. You'll find your perfect match in time. Work is a whole other story. Different cities have different rules, and you just graduated from university. You grew up with other people's families, so you don't have much support at work. You'll face more and more problems, but you'll learn from them. Unemployment isn't your fault. These experiences will help you grow. As they say, failure is the mother of success. You've failed this time, but you'll succeed in the future.

You wrote in your description that you've always been looking for love and longing for love, but you've always been alone. It seems like you've been alone since childhood, and no one has been able to protect you. You're always trembling, afraid of doing the wrong thing, and you always say yes to big things. It seems like you're feeling pretty pessimistic right now. You've been looking for love and longing for love, but in the end, you'll always be alone, which can feel really loss-inducing. At this time, you might feel humble and helpless. There's another saying that might help you feel a little better: "the mirage." When you long for something but go looking for it with all your might, it's easy to lose yourself. It's like running towards the so-called oasis in the desert, only to realize in the end that it was a false hope.

It's okay to feel despair and even give up hope. I understand the challenges you've faced in your childhood, but the road ahead still needs to continue, and hope needs to be maintained. At this time, you should know another truth: history cannot be changed, but the future is in your hands.

Hello! I just wanted to share some advice that I think might help you.

1. While it might be tempting to read more stories like "Chicken Soup for the Soul," it's also good to draw inspiration from other sources. For instance, the main character in "The Public Enemy of Women" also had a challenging childhood, but she made a comeback in adulthood through her own determination. One of the most inspiring quotes is, "There are no ugly women, only lazy women." This applies to men, too!

2. It's so important to make a plan for yourself, a life plan. It can be really hard to lose your direction in life, your motivation, and even your hope.

So, finding these is really important!

3. You can lose your job and find a new one. You can survive in adversity; you just need to regain your confidence. Once you do, you'll find that you can easily find a suitable job. In addition, learning can improve work efficiency.

Marriage and love are two different things. Your marriage didn't work out because you didn't have a strong foundation when you got married. But that doesn't mean you can't have a happy marriage in the future! Start building a new foundation now, and you'll have a great marriage in no time.

I just wanted to say that the above content is for reference only.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I am writing in response to your sincere question. I regret to inform you that your social barriers caused you to lack strong psychological support in your early years, which in turn led to your marital failure and workplace rejection.

It is possible that these factors are interrelated, as evidenced by the tendency for individuals with this profile to experience a pervasive sense of worry and anxiety.

Additionally, a lack of motivation and self-confidence may be observed in one's interactions with others, who may then perceive this energy.

In particular, for individuals who spend a considerable amount of time together, it can be challenging to discern changes in each other's energy when the underlying cause of their divorce is their partner. It is crucial to identify a partner who genuinely aligns with our needs and values, rather than merely seeking warmth and companionship. However, in some instances, individuals may find themselves in relationships with individuals who subsequently disregard them.

The other person inflicts cold violence on you, which may also indicate that we did not adequately consider the implications of marriage. You previously felt a sense of inferiority residing in your aunt and uncle's home, as it was not your primary residence and therefore lacked the autonomy you desired.

Additionally, the lack of affection and guidance from one's parents may result in social apprehension, preventing individuals from fully expressing themselves and their positive attributes. Conversely, in social interactions, individuals may also tend to idealize others, overlooking their imperfections.

It is possible that you are unaware that some individuals are unsuitable for dating and have not considered your feelings or provided adequate care for the relationship. When they treat you in a cold and violent manner, it is advisable to exercise caution.

It would be prudent to address these issues before marriage. Additionally, in the context of employment, there may be instances where an individual is involuntarily terminated from their position. In such cases, there may be underlying factors within the workplace that require attention and resolution.

For example, these include fear of making mistakes, fear of one's performance, and lack of preparation.

Or there may be issues with interpersonal relationships, which could require changes to one's character. The desire for love is understandable, but it is crucial to avoid entering into a relationship without sufficient preparation at this time.

The fact that someone treats you well does not necessitate that you treat them well in return.

It is essential to gain a deeper understanding of the fundamental nature of other individuals. This necessitates a gradual approach, avoiding hasty or desperate actions. At this juncture, seeking psychological counseling represents a viable option, offering a stable and healing environment conducive to personal growth.

In the context of counseling, it is possible to discern the extent of one's potential for growth and development. This encompasses not only one's interactions with others but also one's capacity for self-expression.

Your perspective on things. Some daily habits can be modified and adapted within the context of a relationship.

It is important to note that many aspects of one's life cannot be altered instantaneously through mere assertion. Rather, change requires a supportive relationship. However, it is unlikely that the individual in question has access to such a relationship. Family members, including parents, siblings, and extended relatives, may not be able to provide the necessary environment for change. In such cases, psychological counseling can be a valuable resource.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to take a psychological test to gain insight into one's background. It is also recommended to engage in self-reflection and implement self-adjusting behaviors, such as actively expanding one's comfort zone, engaging in social interactions, developing communication skills, enhancing interpersonal relationships, and fostering confidence. These can be gradually enhanced through self-regulation.

Please clarify the question.

Hello. I'm sorry for what you've been through.

You seem to be looking for love and a sense of belonging, but you always feel lonely and helpless. Your experiences have been full of challenges, but you are still trying to find happiness.

You grew up in a house where you felt like a guest. This may have had a big impact on your mental health and relationships.

You may be uneasy about relationships and fear rejection or being hurt.

Your low self-esteem and anxiety may come from feeling insecure. You may feel you're not good enough to be loved.

This may be because of your early experiences.

You avoid social situations because you're afraid of being judged or rejected.

You got married after college but it ended in divorce. This may have hurt your self-confidence and trust.

You may fear being hurt again.

Your experiences don't define you. You have abilities and potential, and you have the right to pursue happiness.

Here are some steps to improve your mental health and relationships:

1. Self-acceptance: Accept your imperfections. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

Be kind to yourself.

2. Build self-confidence: Set small goals and work towards them.

Reward yourself when you achieve a goal.

3. Get help: Find a supportive social circle, including friends and family as well as a professional counselor. Share your feelings and experiences with them.

They can help you get through difficult times.

4. Develop healthy relationships. Respect others' feelings and boundaries. Build sincere, respectful connections.

5. If you need help, consider seeing a counselor or psychotherapist. They can help you deal with early trauma and develop a healthier self-image.

Your value is not based on your experiences or what others think. You have the right to be happy and to be loved.

Good luck!

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now. Please accept my best regards.

From your earliest recollections, you have been reliant on external sources of support.

However, this may result in a lack of security.

It is akin to the notion that your "inner child" remains anchored in the mindset of your childhood.

From that point forward, you continued to seek security from those around you.

This may be the reason why you married after graduating from university, but it was not the outcome you had anticipated.

It would be beneficial to consider the differences between your current self and your childhood self.

As an example, you are taller and stronger than when you were a child. Consequently, you also feel more powerful now that you have grown up.

It is entirely possible to provide yourself with a sense of security.

Should you require assistance, we recommend consulting with a professional counselor to address the underlying issues associated with your inner child.

If you are interested, I would recommend reading the book Embrace Your Inner Child.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this time, I am only able to offer the above.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to studying hard every day.

Best regards, Yixinli Team

Thank you for your interest in our product.

Good morning,

Pat on the shoulder.

"Anxiety, low self-esteem, social difficulties in the early years, and a lack of robust psychological support..."

"Belonging" is the fundamental sense of security that humans seek.

Family, friendship, and intimate relationships have consistently been identified as significant aspects of life. However, research indicates that individuals primarily seek a sense of belonging, which can be defined as the pursuit of a sense of "security" within.

For example, the primary concern for a newborn is safety. A mother's touch and holding can provide the infant with a sense of security and, at the same time, confirm a sense of stable belonging.

During our formative school years, we strive to gain recognition and value from others, while also seeking the security that comes with strong relationships.

It is only natural that we then seek a suitable partner, enter into marriage, and desire acceptance and happiness, which ultimately provides a sense of belonging.

Does pursuing a relationship truly fulfill one's need for security and belonging? Or is it more accurate to say that these feelings must first be cultivated within oneself?

For instance, in intimate relationships, there is a common assumption that the search for a partner is to "make up for the missing self." This often leads to the expectation of finding a "perfect partner." However, when entering into marriage, it becomes evident that perfection is not a tangible concept and that challenges and issues tend to emerge, accumulate, and become overwhelming.

This illustrates that an individual's shortcomings cannot be fully addressed by their partner. Even if they are an ideal marriage partner, they cannot meet all expectations. This may be a fundamental aspect of life.

"I was in a rather uncomfortable position and would have appreciated a cup of hot water." I informed him of the situation and expected a suitable response.

However, he provided an entirely unexpected and inexplicable response. He stated,

"What is your desired outcome? Do you wish to take medication?"

"Should we go to the doctor?" His expression looked impatient. "Is it your preference for others to be responsible for you?"

"

I was disappointed, but even more surprised, and finally helpless and sad. It seemed as though he was refusing to communicate, or perhaps more accurately, that he was refusing to communicate with me. I am unsure of the exact situation.

It is also possible that her husband is experiencing difficulties in the relationship. He may be unsure of how to respond to her needs and may feel frustrated when he attempts to create some distance in the relationship, only to be met with resistance.

This is a familiar scenario, but when we are frustrated and sad, we do not direct our anger towards a flower or a tree. We simply appreciate them, but do not place many expectations on them. Even if we do, they are unable to respond.

It is therefore understandable that when we feel that life is a struggle and that our partner is a source of support, we unconsciously project these feelings onto them. This indicates that the problem lies not in the relationship itself, but in the relationship between "me and myself". In this context, other people can only become a catalyst or support, helping us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Once you have identified your true desires and goals, the next step is to work on developing a healthy self-love. This will provide you with the strength to love others, embrace life, and even contribute to the betterment of the world. When you are in this state of self-acceptance, your feelings and thoughts are aligned, and your heart becomes more peaceful and serene.

I experienced negative emotions regarding past experiences. I identified the underlying feelings and attempted to disengage from them, recognizing their potential to impact future outcomes in various ways.

*Disappointment with a partner: This aspect of the situation may require further investigation to gain a deeper understanding of the underlying conflict within the relationship. However, if it is currently impacting the situation, it may be advisable to temporarily redirect your attention elsewhere.

*Career setbacks: A career is an important source of income, so its harmfulness often affects our self-confidence. However, if it excessively affects our self-confidence, such as developing into depression, as well as other mental health problems, we should seek timely medical treatment or find a professional psychological counselor suitable for us to seek help.

The above are some suggestions given through the questions. It is important to note that troubles in life often appear indistinctly, one after another. However, it is essential to maintain confidence in oneself and view problems from a positive perspective. This will help to diminish the power of troubles. Additionally, it is crucial to learn how to accept oneself. This will lead to a reduction in conflicts in relationships and enable one to gain more powerful insights and support. All of this is inseparable from continuous growth and a positive mindset.

It is my hope that the above responses will prove helpful to you.

Best wishes for success! Keep up the good work!

Hello!

It's normal to feel afraid and submissive in big situations.

I have some thoughts for you to think about.

These negative emotions are caused by a sense of unworthiness. It feels like you've been alone since childhood and no one has ever protected you.

A sense of unworthiness means a person feels they don't deserve to be affirmed, owned, or encouraged.

This mentality may be caused by a lack of support, living with others, and setbacks in family and career. It stems from self-denial, self-deprecation, or defects in self-perception.

Feeling unworthy is often related to self-esteem.

This can lead to negative emotions like low self-esteem, worry, and anxiety.

Past traumatic experiences, negative experiences of growing up, and a negative view of oneself are the reasons for this.

The questioner's reference to "seeking love, longing for love, but always being alone" is a description of a negative psychological state.

This may be because the "unworthy feeling" thinks it's not good enough to be loved.

Your high expectations and mistakes can also lead to negative emotions.

Negative self-denial can lead to mental health problems.

It takes time to eliminate unworthiness and negative self-talk.

First, change your self-perception and evaluation.

You are unique and valuable.

You can try to change your negative thoughts, focus on your strengths, and focus on your achievements.

You've already faced many setbacks and have a different life experience.

Next, take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise.

Keep learning and growing. Develop your skills and interests.

Read books on self-development, psychology, and philosophy. Volunteer. Explore your creativity.

Get to know yourself better by building good relationships with others.

Have good relationships with people who support you, like family, friends, and former colleagues.

By building a supportive relationship with these people, you can grow together and share experiences.

You can get more support, express your feelings, and understand yourself better.

Finally, find ways to relieve stress and deal with emotions.

If these negative emotions don't go away, see a professional.

They will help you more professionally, specifically, and personally.

We hope this helps!

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your question. Best regards, Liu Psychosynthesis Coach and Listener

My name is Liu, and I am a psychosynthesis coach and listener.

Let me extend my support and encouragement to you in the form of a hug.

I empathize with your experiences. You have been growing and maturing for a long time, each step of the way filled with trepidation. Your words are full of longing for love and hope for a home, just like someone in the freezing cold wanting a little warmth, but always getting the opposite of what they want. Some people say that failure is the mother of success. However, if we always fail to get what we want and keep getting knocked down, we will fall into the maze of self-doubt.

It is important to maintain morale, even when faced with challenges and setbacks. Ambition and a desire for change are admirable qualities, but it is crucial to recognize that negative feedback can lead to feelings of melancholy.

What is most commendable about your approach is that

Despite the challenges you have faced, you have not lost your desire for love. Your strong expectations are evident in your words, which will resonate with any friend reading your question. This is a valuable quality. It is because you have continued to grow and learn that you have the courage to express your confusion. We have not lost sight of our aspirations.

I would like to take this opportunity to commend you for your resilience and strength of character.

It would appear that this psychological issue of belonging and a sense of security has been a long-standing concern for you.

It is a widely acknowledged fact that the concept of 'home' is one that is deeply ingrained in the human psyche.

We seek a secure and stable environment, a reliable source of support and guidance.

We are left to our own devices.

It is an environment where we can completely relax and let our guard down. It is a place where we don't have to be careful, where we don't have to be afraid, where the sky won't fall, and where we don't feel threatened. We often also desire for someone we care about to be in this environment, to have their back, and for the person we care about to give us the warm response we expect.

This may extend back to the relatively distant stage of the mother-child relationship.

It is important to note that children are comforted when they cry, fed when they are hungry, and protected when they feel in danger. This is the source of our earliest sense of security. Unfortunately, some of my colleagues did not receive adequate scientific care as children, which can lead to psychological deprivation and a strong desire to recreate the part of ourselves that we were unable to obtain during later stages of growth.

It is unfortunate that you have had to grow up without the support of a family environment.

It is notable that a significant proportion of students live in boarding schools during their childhood and adolescent years. The environment and atmosphere of being a guest in someone else's home can create a persistent sense of not belonging. When coupled with a lack of recognition from important objects during growth, it can lead to challenges in interpersonal relationships. This can manifest as a desire to connect with others, but a lack of understanding of how to do so.

The desire for relationships

Furthermore, there is a concomitant fear of relationships.

It is probable that these two factors will coexist.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that past origin trauma does not necessarily predict subsequent life events. However, there is a clear correlation between them. This can lead to a vicious cycle. It is essential to understand the root cause and how to address it effectively. There are a few potential approaches:

(1) It is important to be aware that negative self-talk can have a significant impact on our ability to take initiative.

Life is rarely straightforward. We have all made commitments of this nature. There is a great deal of academic discussion in psychology about resilience, but it mainly focuses on how we perceive challenging situations and how we can still overcome them. However, past trauma often leaves us feeling a significant sense of powerlessness. Even when we are making progress, we constantly question every decision we have ever made. This inevitably diverts our focus and an undeserved sense of inferiority amplifies our anxiety.

The self-fulfilling prophecy of being inadequate at self-assessment leads to a tendency to underestimate one's abilities and to anticipate failure. Prolonged exposure to this mindset can have a detrimental impact on mental health.

(2) When we reflect on past experiences, we often attribute outcomes to internal and external factors.

From an external attribution perspective, in many situations, especially those involving multiple factors, we often assume responsibility for the outcome. This pressure can be overwhelming. For example, in a marriage, the other person may not be a suitable match, and he is probably also largely responsible for the failure of the marriage. Similarly, when leaving a company, there may be a possibility that the position or working environment may not be able to bring a more positive experience, and we should not judge ourselves for this.

In terms of internal attribution,

You demonstrate a high level of self-awareness, but you may benefit from greater self-trust.

We are inclined to seek a definitive answer, aiming to achieve tangible results. We are willing to make compromises to avoid missteps, due to concerns about losing the support of those around us. We are sensitive to the opinions and views of others, and may subconsciously hesitate to fully express our authentic selves. Additionally, we are driven to perform well in our careers, which can lead to cautious decision-making.

3. Based on your situation, I would like to make the following suggestions, which represent my personal views and which I hope will be useful to you as a reference.

(1) It is important to maintain good mental health. When issues arise, it is crucial to seek assistance and make necessary changes.

If you are persistently in a depressed state of mind and it is affecting your quality of life, accompanied by feelings of anxiety, we can seek scientific psychological intervention. This is not a cause for concern or shame. In fact, the act of trying to regulate your emotions and improve your mental well-being is an admirable and courageous step. Our feelings are a reflection of our subconscious seeking guidance.

Dear Questioner,

Your health is of the utmost importance.

It is important to undergo regular psychological assessments. If possible, it is recommended to first undergo a comprehensive assessment at an authoritative institution or local hospital to gain insight into your current psychological state. This allows us to identify areas in need of assistance and follow professional advice to ensure the foundation of our health. You may benefit from discussing your feelings with a mental health professional. Psychological counseling can often be helpful at this time. Expressing yourself can bring a sense of relief. Unlike ordinary social interactions, counseling allows you to be in a safe and accepting atmosphere that helps you to see yourself.

(2) Even in challenging circumstances, it is essential to maintain unwavering self-belief.

Reflecting on past experiences and identifying cause and effect is not meant to dwell on perceived shortcomings. There is an opportunity to break this seemingly negative cycle, and the moment is the opportunity. The past is indeed complex and challenging, but the exceptional individual deserves a more promising future. Every action in the present, including the moment we ask this question, is significant. Life is made up of numerous moments, and it is precisely because of this that you are a valuable person with unlimited potential.

It may be challenging at first, but it is important to start by rewarding yourself. Prioritize your own needs and feelings. It is not necessary to please everyone. Take a walk, appreciate the scenery, enjoy a meal, and embrace the excitement of the world. Develop new interests.

I recall that this platform offers a plethora of engaging activities, which may lead to the formation of new connections. There is no need to be apprehensive about sharing personal insights, even if they are as simple as observing a cloud or listening to music.

Furthermore, it is recommended that you praise yourself on a daily basis.

I am confident that you will also discover your own certainty.

(3) It is not uncommon for individuals to seek external solutions to their challenges. However, it is important to recognize that we can also serve as our own source of support and stability.

There is a commonly held belief that love flows to those who are unloved. However, I believe there is another perspective that can be considered. Namely, that love flows to those who love themselves.

It is important to recognize that while we all desire love and affection, if we do not provide ourselves with sufficient self-love and care, it will be challenging for us to cultivate a sense of love and belonging from external sources. Before we can fully embrace love from others, it is essential to develop the capacity to love and value ourselves.

Before the completion of our own dock, we may have to navigate some challenges. It is important to remain confident and focused. We can identify our desired career trajectory and then determine the steps necessary to achieve it. This may include exploring potential career paths, defining our desired position, and developing a targeted improvement plan.

I can see that you desire love and affection, which has led to feelings of loneliness. You grew up in an environment that lacked stability and support, which has caused you distress. I encourage you to reach out and address the underlying issues that have led to this emotional state.

Providing yourself with care may result in positive change. If you are currently lacking support, you can take the initiative to support yourself. You are your own most valuable asset.

That concludes my remarks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this message.

I wish you success and happiness in the new year.

My name is Liu Quanyan, and I am a licensed psychological counselor.

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have and to share any concerns you may have with me.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Good morning, my name is Qu Huidong, and I am a psychological counselor who employs the use of imagery as a therapeutic tool.

The original poster has consistently sought love and a sense of belonging and security. However, as she pursues these desires, they appear to elude her further. How can she sustain a life without love, particularly given her circumstances: residing under another's roof, divorced, and unemployed?

It can be argued that when individuals are pursuing romantic relationships, they are effectively placing their expectations on their partners. Given the apparent lack of success in this pursuit, it may be more beneficial to shift the focus from external sources of love and approval to self-care and self-nurturing.

However, the process of self-nurturing does not entail merely adhering to a healthy diet and lifestyle, nor does it solely encompass engaging in novel pastimes. Rather, it entails a fundamental shift in one's inner relationship with oneself.

There are numerous methods for self-nurturing. It is essential to ensure that the process is conducted in a manner that elicits feelings of happiness, satisfaction, and comfort. Individuals who possess the capacity for self-nurturing will refrain from engaging in self-blame, whether due to a perceived lack of worthiness, a sense of inadequacy, or a belief that they are not performing to the optimal level. Instead, they will prioritize the emotional well-being of the individual engaged in the self-nurturing process.

Attending to one's feelings is tantamount to providing oneself with companionship. With this kind of company, one will gradually develop a greater affinity for being alone. From childhood to adulthood, individuals have had few opportunities to experience companionship and understanding. These are not functions that can be satisfied or cultivated overnight.

It is imperative to decelerate and accumulate incremental advancements, which will foster the resilience to "nurture oneself."

Additionally, increased tolerance of oneself facilitates greater assurance and stability, as it allows for greater expansion of the heart and mind, enabling gradual yet assured growth.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello.

You said: "Anxiety, low self-esteem, social difficulties, and not having a strong support system." I've lived with my aunt and uncle since I was young.

Your experiences remind me of Lin Daiyu, who has lived with her uncle since childhood. This shows that you need to find what you lack. Since you lacked love and intimacy as a child, you will look for love and acceptance.

You lived in a boarding school since junior high and only stayed home on vacations.

You had to leave home and go to boarding school when you were young. You grew up lonely and developed a strong personality. You adapted to school life, studied hard, and graduated from university.

You didn't get much love and warmth when you were young. You need a warm and secure embrace.

You married after graduating from university, hoping for a warm family. After marriage, you were ignored, conflicts intensified, and you divorced.

Your marriage is not warm. You look outside for a warm, loving embrace, but it's not there.

Our marriage shows that even the sweetest relationships have conflicts after marriage. If you don't resolve them, they will build up and eventually cause problems.

Perhaps the worst thing is when your partner ignores you. It's like being abandoned as a child. You feel lonely and exhausted.

I hug you to make you feel warm.

"I planned to work hard after the divorce. I was laid off after two years."

The market is slow and many companies are laying off workers. Many people are unemployed or facing bankruptcy.

This will pass. A year has passed since the pandemic, and our lives will get back on track.

"I've always been alone. I've always been looking for love, but no one has ever been able to protect me. I'm always afraid to make a mistake. I'm always timid in big situations."

You're talking about your feelings. You're so lonely. It makes people sad. Let me lean on you for a while.

You hide your loneliness behind a strong shell. You don't show your vulnerable heart. Outsiders are attracted to your strength and independence. They only realize how hard you're struggling when they get close.

You say you are afraid and submissive. You need a warm, safe place and your own security.

You can find a counselor to talk to. Let go of your defenses and find peace.

You've already passed the age when you needed to be cared for, but you still lack care. I hope you can find a counselor who is a good match for you, so that you can nurture your "inner child," take good care of yourself, and be rejuvenated from the inside out.

The world loves you. Love yourself too.