Marital life, the psychology of cheating, what feelings do you have for the outside world, do you still love your wife?

Hello, question owner, I hope you will accept my heartfelt condolences for your sadness and anxiety. It is understandable that you feel uncertain about when you will be able to heal. Please know that you are not to blame, and that anyone who experiences this could be in your situation. Please try to relax.

From what you have told me, it is clear that your husband's infidelity has caused you a great deal of pain. Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on your 17 years of relationship with him for a moment and try to look at the bigger picture. You both have good educations and a shared understanding, and you have been living together for 17 years, which gives you a strong emotional foundation.

I would like to suggest that perhaps there are some underlying issues that could be affecting your marriage.

From your description, it seems that during their marriage, they may have placed a higher value on their careers than on their physical and mental needs, which may have led to a lack of satisfaction in their personal lives. Over time, it's understandable that passion, companionship, or even dullness might have diminished in a marriage that has lasted so long. It's possible that familiarity and a lack of attention to each other's feelings have contributed to this.

It would be beneficial for this couple, and especially for the wife, to consider consciously bringing more attention back to her marriage and back to herself. It is important to remember that both women and men need companionship and care.

I would like to suggest that we consider the possibility that your husband's infidelity may be the result of a number of factors.

It might be helpful to try to avoid focusing too much on the mistress and to consider why your husband may have been unfaithful. It's possible that he had some unmet needs, whether it was about eating at home or simply feeling unhappy with the food he was eating. It's also worth asking yourself whether you've done everything you can to satisfy him and whether you've communicated effectively with him.

It's important to remember that cheating is not necessarily a result of marital conflict. It might be helpful to try to be aware of what has made your husband the person he is today, and to consider what he has done or not done. It's possible that things slowly changed, and that he gave someone else a chance and lost you in the process.

Life can sometimes feel dull and tasteless. It's important to find ways to bring pleasure into your life and make the most of it. Even seemingly small things like complementary care, becoming relatives, sharing a room with roommates, or the days of being a golden partner can have unexpected consequences. These issues don't just affect us individually, but also our relationships with our partners. It's crucial to recognize that our actions can have a direct impact on our marital relationships, and it's important to be mindful of how we interact with our partners and seek physical and emotional satisfaction outside of our relationships.

From the way your husband ultimately handled the situation, it can be seen that in his mind, his family is always more important than anything else. In other words, this husband was rational enough to handle the situation with the best interests of his family in mind. This to some extent shows that he loves his children and wife, but in this marriage, that is, in the process of getting along with his wife, his inner needs have not been responded to and met well. For example, he feels more and more rejected and rejected by his wife, which deeply hurts his self-esteem as a man. It might be helpful to consider why he later went out and bought a woman.

I would like to offer some advice.

If I might offer you some advice, I would say that…

1. Consider learning how to be a good woman. Being a woman does not necessarily make you a good woman. A good woman needs to learn a lot of things. Behind a successful man there must be a good woman.

2. If you love him, then give it your all. If your efforts have not changed him, then it might be time to accept that things might not work out. Accepting others is letting yourself off the hook. If both parties truly do not want to save the marriage, then it might be time to consider letting go.

3. While it may be challenging, it is important to find ways to distract yourself from your feelings of hurt. You might consider going to the gym, flower arranging, reading, listening to music, releasing dopamine, and focusing on activities that bring you joy.

4. Consider allowing yourself to become more beautiful. Many people are drawn to beauty, and embracing femininity may help to reduce the likelihood of your husband cheating on you.

I would like to reassure you that infidelity is not necessarily a sign of a lack of love, but rather a symptom of unmet needs on the part of your partner. I hope that by improving yourself, you will find the above suggestions helpful. With love and best wishes,

Good day. I am pleased to see that you have sought assistance, and I hope that my input can provide you with the support and guidance you need.

It is evident from the provided description that the husband's infidelity is a consequence of long-term marital conflict rather than a cause. The conflict in their marriage originated when the wife expressed resentment towards her husband's snoring and subsequently chose to sleep in separate rooms for an extended period. This approach is not typical of couples in general, and it resulted in the disruption of their normal sexual relationship. A harmonious sex life is an essential and crucial aspect of a successful marriage.

From the description of the parties involved, it can be seen that they have invested more of the unmet physical and psychological needs in their marital life into each other's careers, relieving themselves of the frustration of unmet needs in their marital life through career success and avoiding it. Please advise.

It is therefore recommended that the wife of this couple focus her attention on her marriage and her own needs, rather than dwelling on the mistress. The mistress is a consequence of the couple's marital conflict. It would be beneficial to understand the factors that have shaped your husband's current behaviour, including his actions and inactions. It should be noted that he was not always like this.

She opted to reside separately from her husband for an extended period due to his snoring, which not only caused her discomfort but also adversely affected her husband. The most detrimental outcome was the direct impact on their marital relationship, prompting her husband to seek physical and emotional fulfillment outside the home.

From the husband's perspective, it is clear that his family is of primary importance. This demonstrates a rational approach to handling the situation in a way that prioritizes the interests of his family. This behavior indicates a level of commitment to his children and wife. However, it also suggests that his inner needs have not been adequately addressed within the marriage. For instance, he may feel a sense of rejection from his wife, which could negatively impact his self-esteem as a man. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is therefore incorrect to assume that the cause of marital unhappiness is external.

My name is Lily, the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my warmest regards to all our esteemed visitors.

Hello, I'm June.

From what you've told me, it seems like this couple fell in love, got married, and then went through a rough patch. I can sense the woman's hesitancy to let go of the relationship, her complicated feelings for this man, and her frustration and sadness after being betrayed.

The man is 40, the woman is 38. They both have a bachelor's degree and have been in a free relationship for four years. They've been married for 17 years, and their child is 10. After getting married and having a child, they've been sleeping in separate rooms for many years due to the man's snoring and other problems. But they both have successful careers of their own. The man is usually honest and reliable. He takes good care of the child and the woman. He's a good father and a good husband in other people's eyes.

From what you've said, it seems like they fell in love while they were at college. As many people know, even if couples are very much in love at college, they often break up after graduation because they can't cope with reality. The fact that they got married almost immediately after graduation shows that they're both very good people and have the support of both families.

I think that when they got married, both sets of parents had high hopes for them. From the man's perspective, I believe that it is his responsibility to take care of his wife.

You also said in the article that after they got married, he was really attentive to his wife and was seen as a great husband and father by others.

First, as time goes by, is the man's affection for the woman driven by emotion or responsibility?

They've been married for 17 years and their child is only 10 years old, which means they had the child only 7 years after getting married. Maybe they've both been focusing on their careers during these 7 years, and you said that they sleep in separate rooms because of snoring.

I imagine their sex life is pretty limited. Men in their 20s and 30s are usually at their sexual peak.

A successful man needs to have plenty of chances to meet women. So how does he meet his needs?

Given his reputation as a model husband, it seems likely that he would have chosen to suppress it.

2. Was the affair with the KTV hostess motivated by lust or love?

However, a year ago, he was caught chatting flirtatiously with a KTV hostess. The woman told him the gist of their marriage, and after breaking off contact for four months, they got in touch again. Within half a year, he secretly ran out in the middle of the night and had sex four times, but after it was over, he would sneak back home. During this period, there were also several records of PC, fruit chats, and rewards for anchors.

The married KTV lady and the man were close. They talked about everything and he gave her lots of red envelopes with the numbers 520 and 1314. When she had financial difficulties, he would give her money. They also talked about their respective deceased fathers.

As we discussed in the previous article, the man has been suppressing his desires in order to maintain his image as a good husband. Until a year ago, when he broke through his psychological defenses with this KTV lady, his repressed needs came rushing in like a flood.

"Sneaking out in the middle of the night to have sex, using a PC, chatting on a fruit-based instant messaging app, and giving rewards" are all obviously irrational and crazy actions. After the madness had passed, he talked to the lady about how it felt to lose his father.

This shows that deep down, he feels his actions were "lowly and impulsive," and he wants to be crowned with "high-level emotions." When a person has emotions, they can gradually get rid of the "bestial" part, and reason will gradually return.

I saw this as his way of trying to save himself.

3. Guilt about what he did and a determination to make things right with his family.

The next day, the man deleted all contact with the woman and notarized all the couple's joint property in his wife's name. When he talks about the consequences of his infidelity, he gets really emotional.

They're not getting a divorce, but they're not exactly getting along.

From this text, I can see that the woman is very tolerant and patient. It could be that she has been with the man for 21 years, or maybe she has young children or elderly parents. Whatever the reason, she is willing to give the man a chance to turn over a new leaf.

The man's decision to have the couple's joint assets notarized in the woman's name also shows he's serious about changing. As for the crying and breakdown when it comes to cheating, this emotion is pretty complex.

He's been holding a grudge for years, and he's remorseful for losing control. He's also afraid of losing the marriage.

Only the people involved can really understand the ups and downs of married life, and it's hard for outsiders to empathize. It's a personal choice whether you stay together or get a divorce. There's no right or wrong, and both options are valid.

I don't think it's helpful for the woman to dwell on what the man felt for the KTV hostess. Focusing on the past won't help the future, and it'll only wear away at the little emotion and dignity she has left.

Marriage problems usually have a lot of different causes. If you decide to stay together, it's important to try to see things from your partner's point of view and understand why they're acting the way they are. Only by being understanding and honest with each other can you make it work.

I hope you find this info useful! Best wishes!