Married for 11 years, two children, he takes care of work only, am I a fool?

Dear poster, let me give you a big, warm hug first, hoping it will bring you so much comfort!

From the text of the original poster's narrative, it's clear that the original poster is an amazing hostess!

Oh my goodness, the man who can marry such a wife must be so lucky!

And the mother-in-law and children are a happy family that everyone looks up to!

Every family has its share of trivial things going on, but that's all part of the adventure!

When angry, they also lose their temper and say hurtful things to each other. There are many families like this, and it's okay!

A real couple can't be separated even if they quarrel! You said, "Every time, it just goes away after he coaxes me."

This is already very good! Some people don't even try to appease, and go straight to a cold war, which leads to even worse marital relations.

And you think, "I really can't tell if I'm dependent on him or if I still have feelings for him. I just feel that he doesn't love me, he only loves himself."

Maybe he loves himself more and cares less about the people around him. Generally speaking, most men are more carefree and not as attentive, which is great because it means he has more freedom to focus on himself!

My husband is so unique that he never remembers any wedding anniversaries, birthdays, or any important holidays.

At first, I thought he didn't love me and didn't care about me at all.

But then I had a lightbulb moment! He didn't even remember his own birthday very well, which meant that he was someone who didn't care about such details.

When I accept him for who he is, I will be free from any emotional conflict about whether he loves me or not!

Instead, you'll tactfully remind him, saying, "Honey, in a couple of days, it'll be whatever day, shouldn't you show your appreciation?"

The expression of love in marriage is so much more than passion. It's about warmth, comfort, and a sense of security.

And have you first provided this feeling of warmth and comfort to your husband? It would be so wonderful if he responded positively to your tenderness!

No matter how the other person treats me, when my heart is full of joy and love,

And the best part is, we can share this amazing energy with the people around us, naturally affecting those around us!

The landlord said it was because of dependence or love, but I'm not sure. In fact, we don't need to depend on anyone, and we don't need to expect anyone's love. We are totally independent and self-sufficient!

When we become our own spiritual pillar and love ourselves, it's amazing how it changes everything. It's no longer about whether others love us or not.

Because the host has already developed the amazing ability to love himself and his family!

The host said, "He's got his hands full with work, while I get to take care of the food, clothes, and toys for the elderly, children, and pets at home and in the store."

This is a great sign! It shows that the owner has a lot of trust in you, considers you the head of the family, and is very confident in you.

And at least he can take responsibility for his work! Some people don't even take responsibility for their work, and they don't even take care of the home. Isn't that even worse?

If you feel tired, you can tell your husband, "I feel a bit overwhelmed by this task. I'd love your help with it!"

It's a great idea to check if he can do it. If he can't, that's OK. We all have different strengths and abilities. After making a request and being rejected, he'll feel frustrated. But that's OK too. We all feel frustrated sometimes.

If the division of labor between husband and wife is of the non-interference type, they are the absolute best partners! If one person can do it all, what's the other person for?

Right now, it looks like there's a bit more division of labor in the building owner's household, which is great! It's also a bit touching and tiring, which is totally normal.

Now is the perfect time to communicate with your husband! Speak to him properly and calmly, and express your needs. Don't complain — tell him what you want and need!

Finally, I want to say to the lovely host, you are absolutely not a fool! In fact, you are a happy hostess!

It's just that the trivialities of life get in the way of us discovering the amazing happiness of life! Happiness is not outside; it is actually deep within our hearts.

No matter how bad things are outside, you can always find happiness within!

I'm June, the warmhearted sister, and I'm so excited to share some helpful tips with you!

I really hope you have the happiest life possible!

Question asker:

Hello! It's great that you're sharing your feelings with us. It's so important to have someone to talk to about how you're feeling.

After 11 years of marriage, you have two children and live with your in-laws. You are usually very happy, which shows that you are an optimistic and contented person! The harmonious family life over the years is inseparable from your hard work and careful management as the hostess!

And your current distress and sadness are due to the following: 1. Your husband has no sense of ceremony, and he shows no expression on your wedding anniversary, birthdays, and other holidays. 2. You don't like your husband's attitude towards work, as he always does things half-heartedly.

3. You want to change your husband's behavior, but he never does, and you are very tired of it. From this, we can see that all your emotions stem from your husband. This means that you care about your husband!

Let's dive right in and sort out your current problems!

1. You think your husband doesn't love you, but you said at the beginning that your husband is quite good to you. What are the specific manifestations? If your husband doesn't love you, why does he keep on coaxing you?

2. Could it be that the husband's lack of interest in holidays is just the way he is? Or is it possible that he is so focused on work that he has no time to add interest to your life?

Working in the catering industry is really hard work, and I'm sure you feel it yourself, right? It could be that he's really tired, but he's still doing an amazing job!

3. You want to change your husband's behavior, and I think that's what's most painful for you. You have many arguments because he can't meet your expectations. You both work hard at home and at work, and these futile arguments really add to your fatigue. 4. Do you really think we can change someone?

There's an old saying that I think is really true: "It is easy to change the outside world, but difficult to change one's nature." When you try to change the other person, you are actually making things difficult for yourself.

It's true! Those who understand your feelings especially well know that very often, all a woman wants is really just a little bit of something. It's nothing more than that. It's just that if I don't get what I want, a little comfort from the other person will make me feel better, right? And your current desire to get a divorce is the same as the countless thoughts of divorce that each of us has had at one time or another. We've become caught up in our own emotions and forgotten what we want most, but you can change that!

So, do you understand? You just have too many emotions to place and you doubt your marriage?

Do you doubt your own abilities? Absolutely not!

From your description, it's clear you're a very capable person! You can take care of everything inside and outside the home in an organized manner. Your career is surely booming, right? This is definitely inseparable from your leading strength. So I wonder if you feel that all of this also requires the tacit cooperation of your husband?

After so many years of marriage, you are practically inseparable, aren't you? A husband and wife are one, and who gives more and who gives less doesn't really matter for a happy family.

I'm sure your optimism and contentment will give you the best answer!

Finally, I would like to say that a happy marriage needs to be managed. And I have a suggestion for you that I think you'll find really helpful!

1. The management of a marriage is all about communication! Make sure you chat regularly when you're both feeling calm, and don't forget to listen to each other. It's so important to share your thoughts and feelings.

2. In the days to come, you can pay more attention to your husband. You'll be amazed at all the great things you'll discover about him! 3. Learn to accept your husband as he is, and you can also influence him through self-improvement. If he can change a little, that would be a surprise, so cherish it!

4. The gift you want doesn't have to be met by the other person. Your finances should be separate, right? And we can also be self-satisfied, right?

I really hope my analysis helps the questioner out! I truly believe that the questioner's optimism and contentment are the secrets to a happy marriage! Thank you so much!

The operation of a restaurant is a challenging endeavor that requires the input of both partners. During work hours, the proprietor is often preoccupied with concerns related to the family unit, whereas the spouse is typically engaged in professional endeavors. In the context of the marriage, the spouse may perceive a lack of love and support from their husband, leading to feelings of disappointment and doubt about the value of their contributions.

A few examples of instances in which the husband has fallen short of expectations include:

1. Failure to acknowledge significant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries.

2. A lack of initiative to complete tasks, resulting in a tendency to merely "get by."

3. They demonstrate a lack of receptivity to verbal communication, even when it is offered, and they exhibit a reluctance to alter their behavior, even when they have been made aware of the necessity to do so.

4. The individual is employed outside the home, while the domestic responsibilities are neglected.

Your husband's various actions give the impression that he does not contribute to the family, as if he only loves himself and not you. You feel aggrieved and have thoughts of divorce. The main reason you have not yet divorced is that you feel it would be bad for the children, and after an argument he will comfort you. You seem to be dependent on him and there seems to be affection.

The marital relationship can be likened to the four seasons, with varying degrees of intensity at different stages. Despite the 11 years of stability in your marriage, it is evident that the level of passion and love has diminished. The additional responsibilities and trivial matters that arise with the passage of time have contributed to this shift. While the desire to be physically separated is strong, the inability to maintain a harmonious coexistence persists. This phenomenon is not uncommon among couples.

As someone who has experienced this, I offer the following suggestions:

1. It is essential to communicate effectively and express one's needs directly. To illustrate, the act of celebrating anniversaries can be imbued with a sense of ritual, infusing a life with a touch of color and joy. If one values such traditions, it is possible to inform one's spouse in advance of the kind of gift one desires or the manner in which one would prefer to commemorate the anniversary.

2. It is advisable to abandon the notion of attempting to alter the other person's behaviour and instead assume responsibility for one's own emotions. It is a common tendency to expect the other person to undergo changes under one's guidance, yet this is a significant contributing factor to the majority of individuals' disappointment and subsequent breakdown. It is unlikely that we can influence the other person's behaviour, and thus, we must focus on modifying our own actions.

It is important to accept the reality that your partner is different from you. In order to find a more suitable approach, it is necessary to try different ways of getting along and communicating. It is possible that the differences between the two of you have existed since the beginning of the relationship, and that they may be one of the reasons you are attracted to each other. Accepting this difference is a more realistic and feasible approach than trying to change it.

3. It would be beneficial for both parties to share the housework and not take on everything. His lack of interest in the elderly and children is likely due to his inherent nature, but may also be influenced by your own high level of responsibility, capability, and work ethic. It is possible that he has not had the opportunity to demonstrate his abilities in these areas.

One might attempt to persuade one's spouse to assume a more equitable distribution of domestic responsibilities. Even if this is not immediately forthcoming, it is important not to admonish or assist him directly. Instead, it would be more beneficial to offer more positive reinforcement and assume a more limited role in the household.

After listening to your story, I feel that you are in a bit of a rut, but I also feel your conflict. On the one hand, the whole family is satisfied with their joint efforts to make a living, but on the other hand, you feel that your hard work is not appreciated by your husband. On the one hand, you feel that your husband is good to you and you cannot live without him, but on the other hand, you feel that your husband does not care about your feelings, and even when you have conflicts, he makes you feel that he is "caring for you." You are afraid that your husband is not sincere with you, but I'm sure he is!

A woman in a marriage is both a mother, who wants to give her children the best, and a hostess, who has to take care of the home and the family. This is especially true of you, who is studious, intelligent, and hardworking, and takes care of everything at home and in the shop. Despite being squeezed between these multiple identities, you still have an inner longing for affection and hope to receive your husband's love.

You said that when you have conflicts and argue with your husband, you feel that he doesn't care about anniversaries, birthdays, and other holidays. This makes you feel that he also doesn't care about you, except that he can't leave you now. It sounds as if you equate ritualizing anniversaries and birthdays as an expression of love.

You've been married for 11 years, so you really should know each other very well! Does he not care about birthdays or anniversaries, or does he care about everything else but your birthday and wedding anniversary? If it's the former, perhaps it's really a matter of different concepts and habits. It's hard to change someone's concept, but you can tell him frankly how you feel and what you hope for. I hope that my husband can take care of your feelings and spend some special holidays with you!

When there is really no way to communicate, can you try to accept and tolerate this about him? Absolutely! Or you could tell him that you want to see his expression of love and let him express it in his own way. If this is the consequence, you may need to explore in depth why this is the case. And you can do it!

You say that in your daily life, you always try your best to do things, while your husband will just muddle through or make excuses. This is a great opportunity for you to work together to clarify your usual division of labor. You can present yourself as an all-powerful state, while encouraging your husband to take on more responsibility. This will help him feel more engaged and motivated to contribute.

Since you haven't mentioned anything specific, it's hard to judge. But I feel that you can try from these two aspects, and I think you'll find it really helpful! One is to determine your own boundaries, clarify what things are your husband's responsibility, and guard your own boundaries. If it's not within your scope of responsibilities, your husband should not do it and should not interfere.

The second is to show weakness appropriately, giving your husband the opportunity to do things and show off. At the same time, after he is done, you should give him encouragement and praise, sincerely and without exaggeration. These two aspects are not easy to do, but they're worth it! You may need to sort out your own emotions and inner self, and face life in a clear state in order to achieve it, but it'll be worth it in the end.

You said that when your husband argued with you about getting a divorce, he would try to appease you, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. What I actually feel is that my husband cares about you! Men and women are two different species when it comes to emotional feelings. For straight men, they really can't understand the richness of a woman's heart. Being able to awkwardly appease you is probably already their limit.

I truly believe that he doesn't understand your inner turmoil. He may even say, "What's there to think about? It's just living life."

And the dependence you mentioned on your husband is also a manifestation of your need for him, which is a wonderful thing!

You ask, "Am I a fool?" I can feel your deep confusion right now, trying to figure out what life, marriage, and love are really like, and wondering if your life is worth living.

Everyone is an expert in their own lives. I believe you have thought a lot about this question. And I think that perhaps no one but yourself can answer it!

I'm sure the first part of the answer will come naturally when you experience life more and feel more what you care about most, and figure yourself out. Then you can try to make some changes and adjustments in your life and in your relationship with your husband, and experience these changes. I'm certain your answer will definitely come to the surface!