My boyfriend has lied to me many times. What if I have a nervous breakdown thinking about all the lies he has told me?

Hello!

I'm a heart detective coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

Your description shows sadness, disappointment, pain, and helplessness.

I won't go into the problems you have because your boyfriend has lied to you. I have three pieces of advice:

Ask yourself what you like about your boyfriend.

You can now deal with your relationship with him.

You met in November 209. At first, you were in a long-distance military relationship. In December 2021, you ended the distance. You found out he'd cheated on you. In March 2022, he was in a car accident. You took leave to be with him during surgery. He was discharged in May. In July, you found out he'd lied to you in June. You gave him a chance to confess, but he still lied. You can't trust him. You used to hit yourself and break things to vent. Now you can control your emotions. However, just thinking about the lies makes you feel like having a nervous breakdown. You are very sad. Ask yourself, do you still want to continue with him?

Do you still like him? Do you want to be with him?

You haven't thought about breaking up because you still want to be with him.

Ask yourself what you like about him. Figure out if you can accept that he lies.

Second, in a relationship, the person who is suffering more will change first.

You said his family didn't take care of him, he was in a car accident, and you took leave from work to care for him. This shows you love and like him, but he lies a lot. Ask yourself if you can accept that.

You can't accept it because you feel sad when you think about him cheating. You need to make the first change.

In a relationship, the person who is suffering more will change first. You are suffering more because you have come here for help. It is easier for you to change first, which will probably prompt his change.

Talk to him sincerely.

You need to change first. Start by communicating with him sincerely.

Tell him what you really think.

Stay calm and avoid getting emotional when talking to him. Start sentences with "I" and talk about your feelings. Don't use sentences starting with "you" as this will make him feel rejected and accused.

Tell him, "I want to have a good chat with you. We've been together for more than two years. I love you, but I've found that you've deceived me many times. I'm sad because I've been true to you and will be there for you, but I don't feel respected. Maybe you think I can't find evidence, so you think you can lie to me as much as you like. I also feel sad, but I've now come to my senses. I hope you can be honest with me and stop deceiving me. Can you? I want to be with you."

After you talk to him, he'll probably realize he was wrong and change. You'll also feel better.

Be prepared for the possibility that he will lie and ask yourself if you want to stay with him if he doesn't change. Would you be happy living with someone who lies?

You should have an answer by then. You may feel better whether you leave or stay because you won't expect anything from him.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom to talk further.

Dear Question Asker,

Given that your boyfriend persistently deceives and conceals information from you, yet you maintain your relationship and continue to provide support, you have endured significant distress. However, your boyfriend exhibits no indication of remorse. Based on your responses, it is evident that you are a benevolent individual who treats others with kindness.

What actions have been taken by your boyfriend?

In a relatively short period of time, approximately two years, you have discovered that he has been involved with other women on more than one occasion. This behaviour has even continued after he was discharged from hospital, shortly after falling ill. Perhaps most disturbingly, he has deleted the relevant records. When you confronted her, she persisted in her arguments until you produced the evidence. This suggests that she was deliberately deceiving you and attempting to manipulate your feelings and devotion. Such behaviour is highly unacceptable.

What actions have been taken?

In the context of his irresponsibility, I observe your firmness, rationality, and kindness. Even when you were in a state of distress that prompted suicidal ideation, you chose not to inflict harm upon him but rather to persist in offering opportunities for him to confess. Ultimately, you discovered alternative methods for relieving your distress that did not involve destructive behaviors. This represents a profound transformation that required considerable courage and wisdom.

What is your current course of action?

As you have indicated, you provided him with the opportunity to confess. You have also expressed feelings of distress, sadness, and anguish, as well as a lack of trust in him. These sentiments are, indeed, authentic expressions of your emotional state. It is evident that he has caused you considerable pain and distress.

Have you considered the possibility of abandoning the relationship? Alternatively, have you contemplated potential strategies for influencing his behavior?

One might also consider whether modifying one's own behavior might be a viable option for maintaining the relationship. It is beyond the scope of this discussion to speculate on the ultimate decision that will be made. However, it seems reasonable to posit that whatever decision is ultimately reached will be perceived as a logical consequence of the circumstances.

Should one elect to relinquish the endeavor, the loss can be averted.

As a female observer, it is evident that your forbearance and understanding have not been reciprocated by your boyfriend, who has not demonstrated any intention of making amends. Consequently, it is recommended that you consider ending the relationship. It is acknowledged that this decision may be challenging for you, given your repeated attempts at forgiveness and the subsequent psychological distress caused by his infidelity.

It is essential to undertake a process of introspection and to persevere in this endeavour.

In a relationship, it is not only the giving of one's self to the other person that is of benefit; there is also the receiving of something in return. For example, some people gain recognition, others praise, some find a sense of value through giving, and some feel a sense of belonging when they are together.

It would be beneficial to ascertain what, if anything, you have gained from your romantic partner. It is possible that this need is the reason why you are unable to cease the behavior in question.

From the perspective of external observers, the interactions that are readily apparent are those that are overt and tangible, such as financial matters and time management. However, the underlying emotional and spiritual dynamics that shape these interactions are often invisible to others. Only those involved can fully comprehend the nuances of these interactions. If you perceive the loss of this emotional need to be more distressing than the dissolution of the relationship, it may necessitate a more proactive approach. However, when you genuinely recognize your own needs in the other person, it may lead to a reduction in your current level of distress.

It is imperative to express oneself and demand change.

It is unclear whether he is aware of your actions, which may include slapping yourself and breaking things. Have you expressed your anger to him on every occasion that you have confronted him? While it is encouraging that you have gained control over your emotions and ceased hurting yourself and your belongings, it seems that the negative emotions you experience have not yet dissipated.

It is therefore possible to inform him of one's discontent, doubts, anger, and thoughts regarding the future of the two of you, to convey one's principles, and to anticipate a change in behaviour. If he is a responsible individual (in addition to being a soldier), he should demonstrate a willingness to alter his conduct following a clear, composed, and sincere expression of one's views.

Nevertheless, if the individual in question is unable or unwilling to comprehend the situation and is unwilling to alter his behaviour, it would be advisable to employ the first method.

The aforementioned represents my personal opinion, and it is my hope that it will prove to be of some assistance to you.

You are not alone in navigating the challenges that lie ahead. I extend my best wishes to you.

The problem is that you have a good emotional foundation, but your views differ.

Let's look at this situation. How did it get to this point, where it's hard to live together and hard to separate?

We've been together for almost three years, but we argue a lot. It would be hard for either of us to leave.

Your relationship may have started because of good things that happened.

Your family backgrounds and upbringing have probably caused differences in your thinking and personalities. You will probably disagree on some matters when living together.

To avoid arguments, there are three ways to reduce the possibility of disagreements.

Avoid repeating arguments.

Review previous disagreements and identify points of conflict. Then, communicate and negotiate to reach a consensus.

In the future, do things your way to avoid arguments.

Second, communicate well.

Often, disagreements are caused by poor communication.

First, think about the problem from the other person's perspective. Then, discuss it with them and find a compromise.

The third method is compromise.

In a relationship, the best way to avoid arguments is for one partner to compromise. If it's not a matter of principle, show more tolerance and understanding and deal with the issue according to the other person's wishes. If you feel that backing down will spoil the other person or cause psychological imbalance, you can negotiate with the other person after each compromise as to whether the next time you encounter a problem, it should be the other person who compromises and backs down.

Couples often argue over trivial matters because they want to be in charge.

You might become the one who can't make decisions in the future. But taking a step back can lead to a better outcome. Make it clear to the other person that you are giving way when you back down.

If handled right, arguing can lead to mutual respect.

Should we break up or stay together?

We're tired of fighting and being sad. She's pushed me away, trying to let me go. Just last night, she broke up with me. I cried and begged her to stay, but I feel this relationship is hopeless. I don't know how to move on. We don't love each other, but we don't know what to do.

From your account, it seems you're reluctant and helpless. We can consider seven aspects to decide whether to give up or hold on to a relationship.

Do you want to get to know each other better and marry?

2. Can your families and friends accept each other?

3. Are arguments about minor things or big issues?

4. Do you have the same habits? Are there many problems?

5. Do you have the same values?

Sixth, can you communicate effectively to reduce arguments and tolerate each other?

Do your plans for the future match your ideal life?

The seven aspects above should help you decide where you should go. When facing a breakup, you may have an emotional attachment and relationship problems.

This is hard, but you can make a choice without wasting time.

It's important to remember that relationships are about two people. I hope you can talk and decide whether to end the relationship or give each other time to adjust.

This decision should be well thought out, not made on impulse. The decision you make after careful consideration will be the best choice.

I wish you the best on your relationship journey. It gets better with time.

You'll both achieve the ideal relationship status.

I wish you happiness!

Hello, question asker. I could clearly see your emotions of depression, loss, helplessness, and anger in your description. I also understand how hard it is for you. You always think of your boyfriend's feelings, but you are repeatedly frustrated. I empathize with you and I am confident that your future life will go more smoothly.

The questioner wants her boyfriend to be honest. She wants him to cherish the relationship as much as she does.

Furthermore, the questioner wants to learn how to manage their emotions. The questioner has given so much to her boyfriend; she deserves to be seen by him.

The questioner must also want to be respected. In any relationship, both parties must respect each other.

The questioner is a person who knows how to take care of others, cherish relationships, be willing to give, and has keen insight.

The questioner has done things to hurt themselves before, but now they have realized it and stopped hurting themselves. I understand that the questioner has begun to see themselves and has also begun to become aware.

The questioner needs to face the problems in the relationship and face themselves well. Don't worry, take your time, and you can do it. This is already a very good start, so keep up the good work and be kind to yourself.

1. "I have been with my boyfriend since November 19. At first, it was a long-distance military relationship. During that time, I found out that other girls had sent him text messages expressing their love. In December 21, we ended the long-distance relationship. I found out that he had lied to me a few times about going to a part-time job, but he was actually going to the Internet cafe. In March 22, we were in a car accident together. My boyfriend was seriously injured. His biological mother died when he was eight years old. His family doesn't love him and no one takes care of him. I took some time off work to accompany him during surgery and stayed in the hospital to take care of him in the hospital bed. He was discharged in May."

(1) The questioner has a good sense of observation. Despite the long-distance relationship, you noticed that other women were writing love letters to your boyfriend. After the relationship ended, you also noticed that he was going to the Internet cafe but lied about it. The questioner can trust herself, and you are very good.

(2) You were in a car accident and your boyfriend was injured. You took care of him for almost two months, which proves you are a trustworthy and reliable person.

(3) My boyfriend's family doesn't care about him. He has to figure out how he wants to relate to his family of origin on his own. This is his responsibility, and he will have to face it on his own in the future. My boyfriend is already an adult, and his family has already raised him and fulfilled their obligations. But I want to know whether my boyfriend's family has visited him in the hospital. If the family isn't taking care of him, is it because they know I will take care of him?

The author needs to consider these questions.

2. "In July, I discovered on his computer that he had lied to me repeatedly in June. He said he was going to the factory, but he was actually going to the Internet cafe. He also spent every day with the same woman. There were chats on WeChat, but most of the content had been deleted, so I couldn't verify them. The transfer records had also been deleted. I gave him the opportunity to confess, but he lied. I exposed his lies one after the other using the evidence I had collected."

(1) The questioner is rightfully angry at her boyfriend's behavior. She gave him a chance before, but he still makes the same mistake. This is undoubtedly a source of frustration for the questioner, but she must believe in herself, trust herself completely, and recognize her keen insight.

(2) And why does my boyfriend still act this way? I think a large part of this is also his homework. The OP mentioned earlier that her boyfriend's mother died when he was eight years old. He needs to learn how to love.

You must understand everything you have done for him, whether it's his homework or letting him grow up on his own.

The questioner needs to do these things: return to their place, love themselves well, hug themselves more, and give themselves more strength to live their lives well. When the questioner spends a lot of time on themselves and living a wonderful life, you will no longer worry about him.

I am certain that it is he who will not be at ease with you!

3. "I don't trust him anymore. I'm flooded with memories of all the lies he told me. I lash out at myself to bring me back to reality. I've learned to control my impulses, but just thinking about all the things he lied to me about makes me crumble. I feel so sad and every day is painful."

(1) The questioner needs to trust themselves unconditionally and believe in their feelings. It must be difficult for the questioner to face themselves after so many things have happened, but they can do it.

The questioner needs to tell her boyfriend how she feels. She should talk to him about her thoughts and feelings and test his thoughts to see if he has any plans for the future.

The questioner must also consider their future plans and whether this relationship should continue. If they choose to continue, they must figure out how to re-establish and balance their relationship with their boyfriend. If they choose to let go and leave this relationship, they must figure out how to start a new life and plan for the future.

(2) The questioner can regulate his emotions by running, dancing, listening to light music, singing, or seeking counseling from a counselor.

I'm sure everything will go well for you. Keep up the good work!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jia Ao, not looking for anything.

I can see the problems and confusion you described on the platform. It's clear you've suffered a mental breakdown and started to lose control of your emotions because of your boyfriend's repeated cheating. You're in pain every day. After reading about all you've been through, I really feel for you! First, I'll give you a warm hug from afar.

It's true that a relationship that has lost trust is a challenge for both parties. Are you looking for ways to navigate this relationship, or to adjust your own mindset?

What's the next step for this relationship?

First, take care of your emotions.

From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend has cheated on you more than once. You have proof of some of these things and have confronted him about them one by one. For some things, you don't have any way of verifying them because the content has been deleted. After going through all this, you feel like you can no longer trust him. His lies are making you doubt yourself, and because of this sense of deception, you are in great pain and feeling like you're losing control. You've even begun to self-harm and smash things uncontrollably...

From what you've said, it's clear you've been hurt badly in this relationship. You're an emotional person who's given a lot in this relationship. You were in a long-distance relationship, which is tough. You've been together for several years, and I can imagine how much you've given to this relationship. You didn't expect him to lie to you repeatedly.

I just want to say, no matter what happens, you still have to take care of yourself. If you hurt yourself, you have to stop immediately! It's really not worth it for such a man. If he really cares about you, he will consider your feelings no matter what you do. But if he doesn't care that much anymore, he will remain indifferent even if you hurt yourself like this. So you must love yourself and take care of yourself. Be a little kinder to yourself.

It's important to remember that you don't need to suppress yourself or hurt yourself in a relationship. This is not good for anyone, and it is also not conducive to the long-term stability of the relationship. By learning to love yourself well, you can have more energy to love others. It's essential to put yourself first.

2. Take a step back and look at the relationship with a cool head.

From what you've told me, it seems like your relationship with your boyfriend has always been based on lies. It's clear that you're feeling pretty hurt and insecure right now. It seems like you don't feel valued, cared for, or protected by him. It's always deception, deception, and deception. So, I'm wondering, what's the point of you two being together?

Have you ever thought about whether you want to actively fight for it or stay away from this unhealthy relationship? I'm not sure if you've communicated effectively before.

American psychologist Stenberg proposed three elements of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Commitment is also called determination or commitment. If these three elements are not present at the same time, you are not experiencing true love. (This theory comes from Baidu.)

If you lose trust in this relationship, it won't continue. It might end at any time. You haven't received the emotional commitment you deserve. If you want a good and stable relationship, you have to trust and tolerate each other. He's deceived you like this again and again. Has he really reflected on his actions? Why did he deceive you with this kind of behavior?

What's the point? Is he trying to avoid his responsibilities? If he knows you care about something and he keeps doing it anyway, there's no point in continuing the relationship.

He never cared about your feelings, so he's always been selfish, self-centered, unreliable, and an asshole. He's insecure, too, which makes you feel unsafe. Why would you give him the chance to hurt you? You can choose again, and you need to be clear-headed and rational to realize this.

It's been said that a little white lie now and then can actually help strengthen a relationship. But when someone's being untruthful with you, it's a whole different ballgame. You need to figure out why he's lying to you. Is he still seeing other girls while he's dating you? If so, that's a problem. You need to learn to view your relationship objectively and calmly. The most important thing for you both is trust. If he's constantly deceiving you, how can you trust him?

It will only lead to more and more suspicion and doubt. And if he lies a lot, it means that you don't even have a place in his heart. I'm afraid the harm you will suffer in the future will be even greater.

3. Set up a good communication pattern.

Even if you decide to give him another chance, he needs to be honest about why he lied and show he's willing to make changes to fix the damage he's done. As long as he's ready to work on the relationship, make amends, and show he's committed to making things right, there's still hope for your relationship.

If you need to, you can find a good time to talk to him. Tell him what you want and that you don't like him cheating on you. Trust and honesty are really important in a relationship. You don't want him to keep lying to you.

You need to tell him that if he keeps this up, you're going to have to break up. This is your position, and you need to stick to it. If he has any remorse, he'll know what to do. If he doesn't take you seriously, he's not going to listen. You have to do this, otherwise he'll cheat on you again.

So, you should try to communicate openly and honestly. Only after sincere communication can you find out where the problem lies and why he repeatedly cheated and hurt you like this. You have to ask him: What did you do wrong? What didn't you do to his liking? Or is he just like this by nature?

4. Talk it over and work out a solution together.

Why lose control of your emotions, slap yourself, and smash things? It shows you've already fallen into negative emotions because of these deceptions and hurts. It's just some venting on a momentary whim. Try to calm down and think about what the next step should be. You can't solve this on your own. Discuss it with your partner and work it out together.

If you do end up breaking up, it's important to do so on good terms and to be clear about why.

True love isn't about giving and taking blindly. It's about a two-way street. In love, everyone is equal. You don't need to love so humbly, giving and sacrificing yourself blindly.

If you always revolve around him, he may not care so much. Since you never care about him or can't live without him, why would he be willing to invest in the relationship? A truly good relationship is equal, with mutual investment and mutual maintenance, not one person's foolish devotion.

I don't think there's no affection between you. If there really was no affection at all, you would have probably separated long ago. It's just that everyone's personalities may be different. He may be immature or not know how to maintain a relationship, which is why he has done so many wrong things. If there really is a misunderstanding or conflict between you, then you must communicate well to resolve the misunderstanding. Communicate honestly and openly to find out what exactly is the reason for your complete lack of trust, whether it is due to your personality or his reasons. Try to find out.

5. Learn to love yourself.

Finally, no matter what happens or what kind of relationship you're in, you've got to remember to put yourself first. Don't do anything to hurt yourself; it's simply not worth it. You've got to learn to love yourself well, and then love others well. Take care of your feelings and emotions, and don't put yourself last. That way, you'll only become more humble and aggrieved.

If you're struggling to manage your emotions, it might be time to seek professional psychological help. It's important to take care of yourself. I hope you find the strength to get better soon. Don't let this relationship take over your life. There are so many wonderful things in life, and relationships aren't the only thing that matters. Try to open your heart to the people and things around you that make you happy, and do the things you enjoy. I wish you all the best!

I hope my answer is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, dear. I was as outraged as you were when I saw your text about furiously slapping yourself in the face in anger. It's so admirable that you're taking care of yourself in this way. After two years of suffering for a long-distance relationship, you can finally be together, but it seems that he's been engaging in some less than ideal behavior, including being unfaithful to you.

It seems that you have been deceived on numerous occasions, and each time, your trust has been violated. I empathize with your situation.

If I may, I would like to accompany you as you reflect on what has transpired between you.

– You have been in a long-distance military relationship for two years, and three months after it ended, you were in a car accident. He should be aware of the challenges involved in maintaining such a relationship.

Unfortunately, he was discharged from the hospital in May, and in June, he chatted online with a different woman every day. In July, you discovered those "secrets" on the computer and solved them one by one like Sherlock Holmes. The truth was difficult to process.

When the truth comes out, it may also be the day you feel the effects of your emotions. It seems that your kindness and his deception have caused you to feel devastated. You have invested a great deal of yourself in this relationship, and it seems that he has not reciprocated your efforts. It is admirable that you have been wise and resolute. Before you got married, you had the opportunity to see each other clearly and stop in time. A few slaps woke you up.

Perhaps it would be best not to dwell on it any longer. Long-distance internet relationships can make it difficult to see the truth up close, so there may be some excuse for this, and it is probably not helpful to blame yourself too much. However, the wound will not heal quickly, and there may be some pain along the way.

It might be helpful to give this relationship some time to process the situation and allow it to evolve naturally.

This boyfriend lost his mother when he was eight years old, and he may be experiencing a lack of love and a longing for love. You have provided him with motherly care and love, and it would be beneficial for him to express gratitude and cherish it. Could he have any explanation for the harm he has caused you or any remorse?

If he is indulging his body and soul instead of taking responsibility, then it is not your fault. Life is about constantly making choices and constantly letting go, and only then do you understand what is most important to you. It's not too late. Have faith that once you walk out of this situation, a better outcome will present itself.

The message said that the boyfriend's cheating has really taken a toll on the questioner and even caused a nervous breakdown, and she's in a lot of pain.

How can you save yourself in an emotional relationship that is constantly depleting you and making your personal situation worse? I've put together some thoughts on this for you, and I hope they'll help to soothe your wounded heart a little and also give you some food for thought when it comes to how to get along in this relationship.

1. Figure out what you need to stay in this relationship, given that he's been cheating on you.

You've been together since November 19, but you ended up living apart on December 21. Your boyfriend's been cheating, mainly going to Internet cafes and chatting with other girls.

Your interactions with him are a series of instances where you expose his lies and another series of instances where he deceives you. You can only vent your inner sadness, pain, and anger by slapping yourself and smashing things.

And while this kind of catharsis doesn't reach your boyfriend, on the other hand, hurting yourself takes away your sense of control, leaving you feeling more and more powerless and helpless.

However, even in this kind of relationship, the questioner is still stuck. Maybe it would help to ask what is keeping you in this relationship. That way, you can understand how to find your own happiness in this relationship that is getting worse and worse.

The relationship can be maintained because there's always something that satisfies the needs of both parties. If this isn't discussed in the comments, you can use the following dimensions to think more broadly about what aspects of the relationship might satisfy you.

1. The boy's unfortunate background makes people want to be kind to him, take care of him, and love him.

A love that you're reluctant to give up because of the other person's background is a bit like a "salvation complex." It's tragic and saddening. But the protagonists of such tragic stories are rarely willing to be moved or won over by such love.

If you feel like you're lacking something inside and you don't feel like you're getting what you need from within, you'll keep looking for love from the outside. But no matter how much the other person gives, they'll just end up paying for your own lack of love.

2. People are often reluctant to give up a relationship because of external factors like a man's good looks or wealth.

Sometimes, love is seen as a way of making an equal exchange. When it comes to tools, the contribution and giving need to match up.

If you cling to your desire for these external factors, you'll quickly lose sight of yourself in the process.

3. The longer you spend together, the more invested you become, making it tough to walk away from the relationship.

It's been almost three years since November 19th. In the context of a relationship, that's not a short period of time, but it's still relatively brief.

Part of you is already used to being in this situation. It's not easy to let go.

The above three situations don't necessarily reflect what the questioner is dealing with, but they're just a few common possibilities listed from a macroscopic and universal perspective to help you think in broader terms.

The above three situations don't necessarily reflect what the questioner is dealing with, but they're just a few common possibilities listed from a macroscopic and universal perspective to help you think more broadly.

Second, figure out what you need and see if there are any other options.

No matter what the needs are, in such an abnormal and self-defeating relationship, the questioner is likely to become increasingly unhappy, and self-harm has already occurred.

It's time to break the status quo, re-establish the balance in the relationship, or end it and start anew. These are the inevitable next steps in this relationship.

"Nothing is built without destruction." The questioner needs to consider the situation and think about it based on their own circumstances.

Intimate relationships are the result of interactions between two people, and changes to them also depend on the individuals involved.

If you like, you can think about what you don't like about your current relationship and what you can negotiate. What can you replace, and is there anything you can't replace?

And is what we consider "irreplaceable" really irreplaceable?

The more you think about what you need, the more likely it is that you'll be able to break free from the relationship.

3. Your relationships don't define you. You're the master of your own life.

Your boyfriend has been unfaithful to you on more than one occasion. This is bound to have a negative impact on the other party in the relationship.

A lot of people end up doubting their own self-worth as a result.

A relationship is just an intangible but hugely influential interaction pattern formed by two independent individuals in their interactions. It can't define you as a person, and it can't be determined by one person alone.

Just because you leave a relationship doesn't mean you're the problem. And just because you stay in a relationship doesn't mean the other person values you.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether to stay in a relationship or not. However, a relationship can't decide who you are as a person.

Once we grasp the connection between "relationship" and our individual identities, we'll feel more confident in making relationship decisions.

I hope this gives you some food for thought. I'm a psychotherapist, not a human nature expert. I just care about the human heart. Thanks.

Dear Question Asker, After reading your text description, I am compelled to express my admiration for your fortitude and resilience.

It is not your responsibility to ascertain whether your boyfriend has been unfaithful; therefore, it is unnecessary to inflict self-torture.

First, you stated that you have been in a relationship with your boyfriend since November 19. Initially, the relationship was long-distance due to his military obligations. During this period, you discovered that other women had sent him text messages expressing their romantic interest. On December 21, the long-distance relationship concluded, and you learned that he had misled you about his employment status. He had been attending an Internet cafe instead of a part-time job.

From the description provided, it appears that you have demonstrated remarkable resilience in maintaining the relationship, navigating the challenges of distance and ultimately concluding the long-distance aspect of the relationship. This level of perseverance is indeed commendable. While the theoretical foundation for a strong bond between two individuals should be present, the reality is that unexpected circumstances often arise, leading to the dissolution of relationships.

Secondly, on March 22, the couple was involved in a vehicular accident, resulting in significant injuries to the boyfriend. His biological mother passed away when he was eight years old, leaving him without familial support. I took a leave of absence from work to provide support during his surgery and subsequently stayed with him in the hospital to assist with his care. He was discharged in May, and in July, I discovered through his computer activities that he had been untruthful with me in June, stating that he was going to the factory but was actually at an internet café, repeatedly searching for the same woman with whom he was spending time daily.

From your account, it is evident that you are a benevolent individual. Despite your boyfriend's infidelity, you demonstrated compassion and forgiveness. This illustrates that your benevolence is limitless.

Subsequently, you stated that WeChat has chat functions, yet the majority of the content has been deleted, and there is no means of verification. Additionally, the transfer records have been deleted in a meticulous manner. Despite providing the opportunity for him to confess, he continued to provide false information, and I utilized the evidence I had gathered to expose his lies one by one.

It is evident that the other party possesses considerable expertise in counter-surveillance techniques. They deleted the evidence so meticulously that no traces of it remain. It is plausible that their proficiency in this domain is a contributing factor.

Furthermore, it demonstrates that you possess considerable abilities and have provided him with the opportunity to confess. However, it appears that he does not concur with your perspective. In the event that he did indeed confess to you, what course of action would you pursue?

Ultimately, you stated, "I feel as though I can no longer trust him." Your mind is inundated with the myriad ways in which he has deceived you. You find yourself repeatedly striking your own body in an attempt to assuage the overwhelming pain that accompanies your realization of his deceit. You have begun to derive a sense of clarity from inflicting physical harm upon yourself. However, you have also developed the ability to regulate your actions, preventing you from harming yourself or destroying property. Nevertheless, the sheer number of instances in which he has misled you evokes a profound sense of sadness and distress. You find yourself experiencing a debilitating level of emotional anguish on a daily basis.

I wish to state that you were never at fault, and thus, it is unclear why you are self-punishing. Do you feel that you have not performed adequately?

If a man truly loves you, he will be fearful of providing an insufficient amount of affection, as this could potentially lead to emotional distress. My dear girl, benevolence must have a definitive limit, and it must also be somewhat discerning. Only those who are adept at loving themselves will have a greater likelihood of gaining the love of others.

Love is at its optimal when it is not exhausting. It is not possible to gain love through humble sacrifices, and a person who is loved does not require deliberate attempts at pleasing. A person who is not loved is undeserving of the exertion that love would otherwise require.

I recommend the book If Only I Knew Before Marriage as a potential source of insight. It may prove a valuable resource for you.

It is my sincere hope that you will enjoy a happy life.

I am the solution, Tianya. If my response is beneficial, you are welcome to follow me.

Hello, question asker.

I'm Kelly. I can see the helplessness, pain, and frustration of the original poster. I've given my all to my boyfriend, but I can't get a single honest word out of him. The original poster knew about his shortcomings from the start, and they're matters of principle. For example, what motivates you to put up with his text messages with other girls?

Robert Sternberg, an American psychologist, is one of the most prominent researchers in this field. He asserts that love is primarily comprised of three fundamental elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

You said you were tolerant of your boyfriend's shortcomings from the beginning.

I see three main problems:

1. His shortcomings:

Justify unreasonable behavior.

For example, he had a hard time as a child and didn't have a mother.

Rationalization is a natural human instinct, but it's a problem when you rationalize your boyfriend's wrongdoings. He goes out partying and lies more and more often, and you have to excuse him more and more.

This also reminds me of many parents who spoil their children.

You are his girlfriend, not his parents.

2: You need to keep giving me what I want.

I have friends like this around me. The wife earns money and helps him pay off his debts. If you help him, you're seen as the bad person. The wife has to agree with his views and be generous, like a hungry and demanding child.

They demand that the other person give everything and meet all of his needs.

Dr. Susan and her colleagues discussed this and found that there are always a few such men around. They then summarized and analyzed the data.

Dr. Susan began to flip through the data.

1. People with personality disorders do not feel guilt, self-blame, or worry.

2: Of the two major personality disorders, the first is narcissism. Narcissists have to prove that they are superior to others. These men also frequently change women, such as Don Juan, who is known as a man who cannot love.

3: There is another type of person who loves deeply and can grow old with you. They need to be in control, not adored, reasonable in interpersonal relationships, and able to walk on both sides of the fence. Unlike sociopaths, they are very targeted. That is the partner.

They use words and emotions as weapons.

The author and Nancy have a lot in common. During her work as a counselor, the author has learned one thing for sure: in a marriage, if you don't compromise completely, you may not even be able to save it.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. It's time to explore your creativity and vitality.

If you want to change such a relationship, you need cognitive training. If you want to transform your life and improve your intimate relationships, you must take action, not just change your understanding.

I will follow the author to explore:

1. I will explain the causes and mechanisms of problematic intimate relationships.

2: Proven techniques exist to guide and improve your relationship with your partner.

The questioner is still young, and you will always be treated well by others for your kindness and sincerity. I also strongly recommend that you read the book "Attachment - Why It Makes Us So Valuable."

If you have been emotionally devastated for a long time, you need to take control.

You should find a counselor to analyze the reasons. You need to think more about yourself, protect yourself, and find out the reasons.

I love you, the world, and I'm here for you.

Hello. I understand what you're going through.

I've been through something similar, but it lasted longer. I let go sooner, so let's hug.

Hang in there.

My boyfriend cheated on me.

He took advantage of my trust to flirt with other girls. He even admitted to making me emotionally collapse and then breaking up with me. I love him and forgive him, but

If someone hurts you once, they won't care if they hurt you again. It's easy to lose trust, but hard to get it back.

When there's no trust in a relationship, it's hard to get along. People get tired and it's hard to stay together.

2. Uncontrollable emotions

I understand your pain. I was in the same situation and thought I'd never get over it. I tried to let go of my emotions, but they got worse.

But the truth is, unhealthy love will cost us more. I lost my health, money, work, friends, family, and my dog was poisoned. I thought, was all of this worth losing for him? Obviously not.

My parents worked hard to raise me, but they got nothing out of it. When I understood this, I stopped worrying about his good and bad points.

3. About taking care of your boyfriend

My ex-husband also had a difficult childhood. He was abandoned by his mother for two years and grew up with his father making money and his paternal grandmother, who didn't love him. I thought I would love and care for him, so he would feel warmth, but he hurt me.

I talked to my teacher about this. It's not his fault that he was raised this way. His upbringing has shaped his personality and values. We can't change his past or decide his future.

I don't know enough about them to overestimate them.

4. I have something to say.

We have already given our hearts to love, taken this relationship seriously, and made efforts. You have done better than me and taken good care of him. But when the other party does not cherish it, continuing will lead to an inevitable end. We are fearless when we love and let go.

We love openly and leave with grace.

We need to learn to love ourselves and our families.

There's more to life than one tree. Look at the forest. See the sequoias, camphor trees, magnolias, and more. Hear the birds, feel the breeze, and smell the grass. Open your heart to beauty and kindness.

There are more beautiful things worth having. The wind doesn't stop when a tree wants to be still, and parents aren't always there when their children need them.

There are many beautiful things and people in life. The next step is to find our passion, our dream life, and go for it. Those who are destined to be scenery should also accept it and let it go.

I cheer for you and look forward to our future together.

Fighting for you!

Hello, question asker!

You said you've been noticing your boyfriend's problems since July. You said you can't control yourself, that you break things and slap yourself. To me, that sounds like you're having a mental breakdown. It's a painful feeling. You're going to be okay.

It's been almost three years since 1997. From long-distance relationships to being together, it's easy to fall in love but hard to get along. Being together is like being in love and hating each other at the same time. Sometimes we girls really get carried away and get infatuated.

Let's talk about your boyfriend. He lied to you, went to the Internet cafe a lot, and saw the same woman repeatedly. You gathered evidence, argued with him, but still chose to stay with him. You always hope he'll change, but when reality hits, how big will your disappointment be?

You forgive him time and time again without any boundaries, which gives him the green light to do whatever he wants. He should be considered a scumbag in this situation, right? I think you may have this impression from time to time.

I really feel for you. You are so deep in it that you can't extricate yourself. You would rather abuse yourself. You don't want to see the reality of him. It seems that you never thought about leaving him. Why is that? Why do you keep your eyes on him?

You need to focus on yourself and not put too much effort into him. If he wants to go to the Internet cafe, let him go; if he wants to go to other girls, let him go. Just do your best and don't smash things for him, and don't hit yourself for him. Your body is the most important thing, and the things around you are more important than people like him.

If we can see ourselves clearly, then no one else can, and we are on our own. From now on, we should focus on ourselves, not think too much about her, the past, and let him lie to you. Let everything go with the wind and start again from the beginning.

You will definitely do better. You have also said that you will not smash things anymore, and you can control yourself from smashing yourself. This is progress. As long as time goes by, we will slowly change little by little.

You will become stronger and rely on yourself to get out of this difficult situation. You will find a way to deal with this boyfriend and make your life better and better!

I love you, world, and I'm here to tell you that you're blessed!

Greetings, host.

After perusing your narrative, I am compelled to extend a gesture of solace and support.

Furthermore, it is evident that you hold a profound affection for your boyfriend and have invested a great deal of effort into supporting him.

Furthermore, it is evident that you are in a highly distressing state. Do you experience a psychological crisis each time you consider the possibility of your boyfriend being unfaithful?

First, we will discuss the topic of emotions. Expressing one's emotions can facilitate the process of self-discovery.

What specific emotional state are you referring to when you use the term "emotional breakdown"? Is it a state of sadness or anger?

The emotion of sadness can be defined as a feeling of distress or despair. In this case, the individual in question has expressed feelings of sadness due to the perception that they have given a great deal of themselves to their partner, yet have not received the same level of sincerity in return.

The emotional state manifested by sadness is, in fact, an expression of love for the boyfriend in question. However, expressing such profound emotion in the context of a romantic relationship is not conducive to maintaining a healthy and stable partnership.

The emotion of anger is directed at the event that prevents one from getting what they want. In this case, the anger is directed at the deception, specifically the falsehood that the individual went to a part-time job when they actually went to the Internet cafe.

Your desire for your boyfriend to work part-time was thwarted by his deception, which manifested as a visit to the Internet cafe. This incident, therefore, can be seen to have arisen from underlying anger.

Furthermore, your boyfriend is deceiving you in order to meet your expectations. He is also exhibiting signs of insecurity and a fear of being abandoned.

In addition, a certain degree of insecurity, such as doubt about one's boyfriend, can also be a factor. It is important to recognize that security ultimately comes from within oneself. When an individual feels safe and is able to function well independently, they are less likely to experience worry about the potential of a partner leaving them. This sense of security can also attract more positive and compatible individuals into their lives.

The process of identifying one's own excellence is not contingent upon the perception of oneself by others. It is not a matter of altering one's identity based on the opinions of others. Each individual possesses intrinsic value and is deserving of respect.

Secondly, the topic of relationships will be addressed. It is posited that optimal interpersonal relationships are embedded.

It is not necessary for you to assist your boyfriend with every task. You should be available to provide him with emotional support when he requires it. Rather than expending a great deal of effort, offering a great deal of assistance, and providing him with a great many things that he does not desire, you should limit your contributions to these areas.

It is therefore recommended that boundaries be established between the partners in the relationship. This sense of security can create distance between them.

Such an approach may prove beneficial to the relationship.

I extend my warmest regards to you, and I wish you well.

Greetings. I extend to you a comprehensive embrace.

My initial response to your inquiry is that, given the numerous instances of deception perpetrated by your partner, it is evident that trust has been irreparably compromised. This has led to a state of self-harm. Consequently, it is imperative to consider the option of separation.

It is unclear whether you are engaging in the behaviors of a pick-up artist (PUA) without realizing it, or if there are other factors at play. You have only indicated that your boyfriend has engaged in infidelity on numerous occasions. It would be beneficial to understand the dynamics of your relationship when he does not engage in such behavior.

Alternatively, have you been caught in a compromising situation, or is this uneasy relationship your preferred mode of interaction?

Alternatively, could it be that your boyfriend lost his mother at an early age and lacks the care and affection he requires, prompting you to seek to provide that for him?

The lack of information provided makes it challenging to ascertain the reasons behind your decision to remain in this challenging relationship. It appears that you are not experiencing a conflicted state between staying and leaving.

The question posed is as follows: "My boyfriend has lied to me on numerous occasions. What if I experience a nervous breakdown as a result of the sheer number of times he has lied to me?"

In addition, I would like to inquire as to the purpose of your question.

The objective is to ascertain how one might dissuade one's partner from engaging in infidelity.

Alternatively, how might one avoid a nervous breakdown in the face of repeated instances of deceit? It is likely that such behaviour will not cease in the near future.

In essence, one must inquire, seek clarification, and request information for the purpose of acquiring answers to specific inquiries.

It would be beneficial to consider your aspirations and the type of lifestyle you desire.

What is your desired approach to planning your romantic relationship?

It is only when one is aware of one's own desires that one can ascertain whether one's current circumstances align with those desires or whether they can potentially facilitate the realization of those desires.

Additionally, one may seek the guidance of a counselor.

As a counselor, I frequently draw upon Buddhist principles and tend to adopt a somewhat pessimistic outlook. However, I also recognize the value in maintaining a positive and motivated disposition. I hold a deep affection for the world and its inhabitants.

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's own account, it can be seen that the questioner's relationship with her boyfriend is characterized by a lack of transparency and honesty. She appears to be uncertain about how to navigate such a relationship, unable to express her emotions, and experiencing a crisis of identity. In the process, has the questioner recognized that this relationship has not fulfilled her expectations, yet she remains reluctant to end it?

This is reminiscent of a common adage in intimate relationships: A poor relationship is still a relationship. It is possible that this particular relationship cannot provide the questioner with the security and trust that she desires, but it is still her relationship. Does the questioner experience remorse for having invested so much but receiving little in return? Do they consistently desire their boyfriend to demonstrate loyalty and treat them as they wish to be treated?

The current situation of the questioner's boyfriend is not unrelated to his family of origin. It is unclear whether the questioner believes that her boyfriend is avoiding her love because he is unable to handle such a profound emotional connection or because he feels unafraid and unthreatened. In either case, he appears to be unable to reciprocate her feelings. It is therefore pertinent to inquire as to why the questioner's boyfriend behaves in this manner and whether she has herself recognized the underlying causes.

It is this author's sincere hope that the original poster will soon find the love she desires.

As the question was posed on an online forum, I will offer the author some counsel regarding her romantic life.

The act of confronting one's emotions is a crucial aspect of emotional regulation.

The intimacy between the questioner and her boyfriend indicates that regardless of the amount of effort she expends, she will not receive a commensurate return. When confronted with such a relationship, the questioner's emotions are undoubtedly complex. Sadness, anger, frustration, and anxiety are among the emotions that persistently afflict the questioner, resulting in a significant depletion of her emotional and mental resources.

Despite the boyfriend's treatment of the questioner, she remains unable to let go of the relationship. Has she ever considered this?

The persistence of these negative emotions will result in a state of exhaustion, both physical and mental. In order to facilitate the healing process, it is recommended that the questioner engage in activities that serve to distract them from their emotional state. One such activity is the reading of books on the subject of personal growth, which can assist the questioner in moving forward from this relationship. In the event that the questioner wishes to completely sever ties following the dissolution of the relationship, experts in the field of emotional psychology abroad propose that "achieving personal growth is the best way to let go of the hurt and pain of breaking up and take this opportunity to grow and understand."

It is imperative to prioritize self-care during this challenging period.

This relationship, whether it is together or apart, will cause the questioner to experience a depressive state. It is important to avoid engaging in self-destructive behaviors such as self-harm, excessive alcohol consumption, overeating, or excessive exercise, merely as a result of experiencing a negative mood. Instead, it is essential to prioritize self-care, including healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and, when feasible, engaging in enjoyable activities such as a leisurely walk.

An optimal intimate relationship will prompt the questioner to undergo significant personal changes and facilitate the process of self-discovery. Conversely, a detrimental intimate relationship will continue to deplete the questioner's inner resources and impede the experience of positive emotional states. It is therefore essential for the questioner to undertake a comprehensive assessment of the current relationship with her boyfriend, considering the contributions he makes to her life.

It is essential to ascertain whether the relationship in question is able to fulfill one's needs. In the event that it is unable to do so, it is imperative to consider the most appropriate course of action.

It is advisable to seek support and comfort.

An emotional life like this can elicit a range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, and a sense of being adrift. During such a challenging period, it can be beneficial to seek the support and guidance of trusted individuals, such as close friends, family members, or other sources of emotional support. However, if these individuals are unable to provide the necessary assistance, it may be helpful to consider consulting a professional psychologist.

A competent counselor can assist an individual in comprehending their current difficulties and implementing necessary modifications. If an individual is able to secure the services of a suitable counselor, it is probable that their emotional challenges will be effectively addressed.

It may be beneficial to temporarily disengage from an unhealthy relationship.

In the event that an individual is experiencing significant distress as a result of their intimate relationship, it may be beneficial to temporarily disengage from the relationship. Prolonged involvement may not be conducive to the well-being of either party, nor may it facilitate the process of moving on with one's life.

During the period of separation from the boyfriend, it is advisable to refrain from contacting each other. The questioner may believe that maintaining a casual friendship is an option, but it is not recommended to keep in touch immediately following the breakup. It would be prudent to allow sufficient time for emotional recovery before contemplating further communication.

In the event that neither of the boyfriends is a suitable match for the OP, the latter may utilize the period of separation to ascertain the most effective means of navigating the relationship.

It is advisable to maintain a busy schedule.

Once a certain degree of emotional equilibrium has been achieved, it is possible to resume social interactions with friends and engage in activities that foster personal growth. In short, it is essential to avoid becoming idle.

Individuals possess disparate attitudes toward relationships. Even in instances where one is unable to move on, it is imperative to maintain one's own sense of purpose and engagement. Pursuing academic endeavors, travel, and personal endeavors can serve as effective outlets for channeling one's energy and demonstrating to one's partner that a fulfilling and exciting life can be led independently.

Should the questioner remain unable to extricate themselves from these negative emotions following an adjustment period, it would be advisable for them to seek the assistance of a qualified psychological professional. This course of action would serve to prevent the onset of depression and its subsequent impact on their future life.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the questioner.

Hello!

It can be devastating to think your boyfriend has cheated on you.

Hugs!

I'd be happy to help.

1. Think about how you see his cheating.

Psychologists have an ABC theory of emotions.

Psychology has an ABC theory of emotions.

Our emotions are not triggered by the event itself, but by how we perceive it.

Cheating happens in relationships.

How you see your boyfriend's deception matters.

If you've done a lot for him and he still cheats,

We may feel our efforts are not worthwhile and have negative thoughts about ourselves.

Or we may feel victimized.

We will feel intense emotions.

Hug yourself and comfort yourself when you feel emotional pain. Don't blame yourself.

Kind and good people still have unhappy things happen to them, like a cheating boyfriend.

We can think about why our boyfriend is acting this way to help us feel better.

2. Find out why your boyfriend is acting this way.

Your boyfriend is responsible for his own actions.

It's not our fault. We trusted him too much.

He said he was going to the factory, but he went to the Internet cafe instead. Why did he lie to you?

Does he want to hurt you?

He's afraid to tell you the truth. He feels what he's doing is wrong, so he hides and deceives.

Has he not adjusted to ending his long-distance relationship?

Or is it because his mother died when he was young?

Or is he empty and wants other girls to keep him company?

This isn't to make excuses for your boyfriend, but looking at things from different points of view can help us understand people and relationships.

If you've been taking care of him more, does he feel guilty?

If you're too understanding and empathetic, you're more likely to meet a scumbag.

Sometimes being too nice to your boyfriend can make him feel pampered.

3. Loving yourself is the foundation of an intimate relationship.

3. Loving yourself is the foundation of an intimate relationship.

Loving yourself is the foundation.

Loving yourself helps you set good boundaries.

In a relationship, you can talk about what can be fixed and what can't.

You are in charge of yourself.

That is.

I can love you, but if you don't love me or hurt me, I can leave you and heal.

Believe in yourself.

You deserve love.

There will be other people who love me more.

Dear, I understand you feel sad when you think about him cheating. This is normal.

Take care of yourself when you're sad and upset.

Imagine you're your best friend. How would you comfort and advise her? You can do the same for yourself.

Take time to do things you enjoy and eat what you like.

After we calm down, think about why you liked him and if the relationship was good for you.

How can you evaluate the relationship?

No matter how sad it is, let it be a valuable experience.

How to protect yourself and grow up.

Read "Understanding Anger" if you're interested.

Just share.

Best,

You feel cheated and angry.

Second, you have taken your anger out on yourself. Let's look at this.

To get out of your pain as soon as possible.

1. How to reduce anger after being cheated on.

You feel angry because you gave him a lot and he didn't give you anything in return.

You gave him a chance to confess, but he lied to you. This makes you feel very upset.

You gave your heart, but he lied.

I gave him a chance to confess, but he lied. I used the evidence to show he was lying, and I couldn't trust him.

You don't want to end this relationship, but you can't trust him.

This is the source of the conflict. You want to get rid of this untrustworthy person, but you cannot let go of the feelings you have for him.

These two conflicting emotions make you feel torn and in pain, and make it hard to accept.

To face this, we need to think clearly.

This will help you feel better. We can look at this problem from the following five points.

Why did he lie to you?

2. What losses have you suffered because of his lies?

What is his goal in deceiving you?

4. Will he cheat on you?

5. What is his integrity level?

Think about the five questions. You will calm down.

You'll know if you can trust him again. Is there a chance you can stay together?

Once you know the truth, you'll feel better. You'll see this person for who they really are and decide if you want to accept them or not.

No matter what happens, you won't be as upset as you are now. You'll know if you should leave him or forgive him.

2. How to deal with pain caused by deception.

The person who was deceived will feel pain and defeat. They will also feel the loss of intimacy.

You think your ex is untrustworthy and doesn't love you.

Such pain is often unbearable, and you want to vent. But you're using violence to reduce your psychological pain by punishing yourself.

My mind is full of lies, so I slap myself. I'm only conscious when I'm in pain. I've come to enjoy the clarity that smashing things brings. I can control myself, but thinking about lies makes me have a breakdown. I feel sad, and every day is painful.

This is wrong. Don't punish yourself for someone else's mistakes.

You hope to relieve emotional pain through physical pain.

You may also curse yourself for believing someone who deceived you.

This wrong approach will not only fail to relieve your pain. It will also harm you physically.

It will harm your health.

Here are some ways to relieve pain. I hope you can get over being deceived.

First, accept the facts.

In real life, many truths are hard to accept, but they are real.

We can't change the past. We can only accept it.

You were deceived. Be more vigilant in the future to avoid being deceived again.

The right attitude is to identify the problems with being deceived by thinking about past events. You must accept that the past is the past.

He hurt you. Don't let him hurt you again.

2. Distract yourself.

First, get over your anger and sadness. Shift your focus to other things.

This will help.

You can have a nice meal, go shopping with friends, watch a few movies, and take some training courses. When you're emotionally stable,

Look for someone better.

Leaving someone who cheats on you is not bad. You're not married.

You lost an unsuitable boyfriend. This is less serious than waiting until marriage and discovering he's a liar.

You'll have more chances to be happy.

You can also become more mature from this experience. Then you can find someone sincere.

When you stop thinking about him and what he did to you, you'll feel better.

3. Forgive.

If you can't forgive someone, you'll feel bad. You can't forgive him for being insincere.

You think he owes you and hate him. But you can't show it.

You're hurting yourself by letting this anger out.

If you forgive, the hatred will go away. This is what people used to say: to let go of others is to let go of yourself.

You can't forgive him. You want to break up with him, but you feel you don't deserve it.

I hope you can let go of this relationship by understanding your own heart. When you let go of resentment and anger,

You will feel relief and that you are saving yourself, not him.

I hope you can use the above methods to regulate your emotions and come out of your anger. Don't hurt yourself by doing the wrong thing. The future holds infinite possibilities. Someone who hurts us is not worth it.

The future is bright!

Hello, I'm Wanshi Ruyi. I'm sorry you're going through this. I understand your pain.

You've been in a long-distance relationship with your boyfriend for two years. He was unfaithful to you and kept in contact with the other girl. You were very good to him, but he still couldn't break off his relationship with her. You confronted him with the evidence, but he kept lying and deceiving you.

After being betrayed and deceived, you hate him but can't change the facts. You can't trust him. You hate him and yourself for being in this relationship. You're angry and sad. You suppress your anger and punish yourself. I feel sorry for you.

You have serious emotional problems. Have you gone to a hospital to assess your mental health and received treatment? Your current pain is from unresolved trauma in your love life and possibly from early family issues. If you can afford it, get psychological treatment and counseling to relieve pent-up emotions and better manage your mental growth.

Your emotional problems are caused by your romantic experiences. You have been hurt by betrayal and deception in your relationship. I suggest you re-examine your relationship. Your boyfriend has been hiding and dating another girl. Is it because he cannot meet his needs in your relationship? Do you understand your boyfriend?

What does he need most in a relationship? Are there any unmet needs in your relationship that he is looking for in other girls? Get to know your boyfriend again.

There are two reasons why your boyfriend might be lying: he doesn't want to take responsibility or he cares about you.

He'll be honest with you if he cares about you.

For betrayal, deception, and concealment, and the problem of being unfaithful to love, have a good conversation with him. Know your needs in this relationship.

If you don't want to be betrayed, you need to find out if he can change. If he can't, you need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or leave. Think about your principles and what you want.

Love is about intimacy, passion, and commitment. Every choice has a cost. We can only change ourselves. Others can't change.

If you can't rebuild trust and commit to each other, the relationship can't go on. I think you understand.

Read Wu Zhihong's book "Why Love Hurts." It can help you understand love and intimacy. It helped me, and I hope it can help you.

When you're feeling down, talk to someone you trust. Write in a diary. Don't suppress yourself. Go out, take in nature, see different sights, do some outdoor sports. You can go for a jog or not go hiking. Listen to some soothing music. All of these can help you relieve negative emotions.

I hope you can respect yourself and make the best choice for you. Good luck.