My boyfriend-to-be is under a lot of pressure preparing for his exams and always wants to be alone. How can I comfort him?

Hello, question asker!

I admire your courage in coming here and sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. It shows how much you care about your boyfriend and your anxiety/being-avoidant-in-attachment-style-how-to-heal-the-impact-on-intimate-relationships-8295.html" target="_blank">relationship. You're amazing!

"From what you've told me, it seems like he might be tempted to give up on us, and I'm a little worried, but I also want him to do well on his exams. How can I comfort him?"

You seem like such a caring older sister! It's so lovely to see you taking care of him and comforting him like a mother overflowing with love.

I can see how your energy might be making your boyfriend-to-be feel pressured. It's possible that's why he wants to escape and be alone with you.

You say you've enrolled in a great school, but he's worried he won't pass the exam. I can see how stressed and anxious he is.

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but…

There are a few words between you that might be causing a bit of a hiccup in your relationship: "not good enough, long distance, cold violence, turning your face away, being alone." When we put these words together, it can give us a sense that your relationship might be drifting apart.

It doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or not, you're still an individual first and foremost. Show your partner respect, give each other space, don't pry into each other's inner world, and make each other feel comfortable, and your relationship will last!

I think you might be going about this the wrong way if you're testing your boyfriend and trying to figure out how to comfort him. It's possible that what you want isn't what he wants.

There really is a big difference! When I say "comfort," I feel like there's a strong field of strength around me. But when I say "support," I feel calm and harmonious.

I just wanted to let you know that the way you express yourself and the words you use sometimes give people the impression that you feel insecure and therefore have a strong desire to control. I don't know if you are aware of this, but I just wanted to point it out.

Love is the wonderful way we express our intimacy with another person. It's so important to remember to be respectful, tolerant, and understanding of each other, even when our feelings are running high.

When two people get along, it's like holding sand in our hands. The harder we squeeze, the less sand there is. But when we hold it lightly, there's plenty!

I think our relationship can be like holding sand in our hands.

I'm here to guide you, my dear friend. I love you so much!

Dear Question Asker, My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, we would like to thank you for placing your trust in us and for being willing to share your concerns with us in order to help you find answers. You have asked the following question: "My boyfriend-to-be is under a lot of pressure studying for the postgraduate entrance exam and always wants to be alone."

I believe it would be beneficial for us to work together to find solutions.

1. Boyfriend

1. Attitude

You stated that you met in the first half of this year and have been getting along very well. However, since the second half of the year, he has been very busy. He interned at the hospital during the day and started to study for the postgraduate entrance exam at night (he is a clinical major). I have already decided on a very good school, but he began to worry that he would not be able to pass the exam. Additionally, he felt that he was not good enough for me, given that we are in different cities and that there are various other problems.

The relationship is currently experiencing pressure due to the following factors:

The first half of the year was a positive experience, and we had a good rapport. The second half of the year will be spent on an internship and preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam, which is more demanding than the first half of the year. Neither of us anticipated this, so my boyfriend has some suggestions.

Pressure

From your description, it is evident that he is already experiencing a considerable amount of pressure.

There is limited time available.

My boyfriend is currently engaged in intensive studies, participating in demanding internships during the day, and still manages to allocate time for your relationship. He faces significant challenges in balancing these three demanding areas, and the situation is highly stressful for him.

There is a discrepancy in status between the two parties.

Given that you have already secured a place at a reputable educational institution, you are not required to invest the same level of effort into the entrance exams as he is. Consequently, the outcome of the selection process will undoubtedly exert a significant influence on his psyche.

The individual in question displays a lack of confidence.

You have demonstrated remarkable proficiency, securing a place at the institution at an early stage. This will inevitably lead to a comparison with you, which will in turn give rise to feelings of inferiority. When coupled with the necessity to work assiduously for the postgraduate entrance examination, these factors combine to create a state of considerable anxiety, encompassing concerns about the outcome of a long-distance relationship and the discrepancy in levels.

Therefore, he is displaying a lack of confidence. He is primarily concerned that if he fails the exam, you will be in a superior position and he will not be worthy of you. Consequently, he is beginning to disengage.

2⃣️, Quarrel

You indicated that you have been reluctant to continue spending time with me for the past month and have been somewhat distant and aggressive. Last night, we had a significant disagreement when discussing our future together, and I also had a falling out with him over his behavior.

You mentioned that he treats you with cold violence, but I am unclear as to what that means. There was a significant disagreement about the future.

Furthermore, you have used the term "turning the face" in reference to his cold violence. It is sufficient to confront your tolerance level and the angry emotions in your heart.

3⃣️, Expectations and Ambivalence

In your conversation with your boyfriend today, he expressed a desire to be alone. This leads you to believe that he may be considering ending the relationship, which is a cause for concern. However, you also want him to succeed in his upcoming exams. How should you proceed to provide him with the support he needs?

Expectations

The boyfriend's expectations

He has made it clear that he wishes to be alone, and this may also be his recent expectation. You are perfectly capable of handling this. You are not aware of his expectations, but they have become your concerns.

Your boyfriend's expectations of you

From your previous description, it is evident that your boyfriend has high expectations of you. It would be advisable to allow him some time and space to take a break and address the pressure of the exams independently. His cold violence is indicative of his attitude.

It would be beneficial to consider the following: You

It should be noted that you yourself have expectations. For example, it was mentioned earlier that you expect a clear future.

Consequently, the subject of the future of the two of you was discussed in both your conversations yesterday and today.

You anticipate that your boyfriend will

You anticipate that your boyfriend will continue to express his affection for you in the manner that he has previously. However, his recent conduct has been characterised by a lack of warmth and a tendency to react violently to your expectations.

This has resulted in feelings of hurt, anger, and upset.

There is a discrepancy in the emotional state of the parties involved.

His assertion that he desires solitude has instilled a sense of unease, prompting concerns that he may eventually disengage from the relationship. This has led to a state of internal conflict.

You desire to remain in his company, but you are concerned that your presence may impede his ability to dedicate himself to his studies and prepare for the examination.

2. Causes of conflict

1. Attachment Type

The individual in question is the boyfriend.

Based on your activity patterns, your boyfriend's attachment style can be described as avoidant. In your relationship, he desires a closer connection but is hesitant to fully engage.

This is why you repeatedly end the relationship and then reconcile. He maintains a considerable distance, which is typical of individuals with avoidant attachment styles.

Your

Your attachment style is anxious. People with an anxious attachment style are hypervigilant in intimate relationships, meticulously evaluating their partner's actions and exhibiting a fear of unstable relationships.

You have expressed feelings of insecurity.

2. The influence of the original family

The type of attachment relationship formed is related to the way of life in the original family. The family dynamic in your boyfriend's upbringing likely involved ambiguity, which has contributed to his ambivalence about intimacy. He desires closeness but also exhibits apprehension about intimacy, which manifests as avoidance.

Additionally, you received less attention in your original family, which has led to a strong desire for love and attention in your intimate relationships. You tend to expect your partners to prioritize your emotional needs and demonstrate consistent affection, otherwise you may feel isolated and neglected.

Due to the differences in your attachment styles, this can result in conflicts.

3. Boundaries It is important to establish clear boundaries in any relationship. These boundaries should be mutually agreed upon and respected by both parties.

Your boyfriend requires personal time and space to enhance his sense of comfort, whereas you seek additional time and space to foster your relationship. It is evident that you lack an understanding of the significance of boundaries.

It is important to allow the other person a reasonable amount of space and time to handle personal matters that are not related to you. When expectations and needs are not aligned, conflicts may arise between the two parties.

4. Differences in Expectations

As previously stated, there is a discrepancy between your expectations of each other and your expectations of each other. Additionally, in communication, you tend to overlook the other person's perspective and assert your opinions, which often leads to conflict.

3. How to achieve compatibility

1. Alter the attachment type.

It is essential that both parties understand each other's attachment styles and establish a peaceful attachment system.

It is essential to establish clear boundaries and space.

Allow your boyfriend a relatively closed space in which he may release himself, experience his own existence, engage in activities that align with his preferences, and feel a sense of accomplishment.

It is essential to gain an understanding of the other person.

It is important to note that the indifference displayed by your partner towards people and things around him does not necessarily indicate a lack of love for you. By understanding the characteristics of his personality, you can provide him with the necessary space to utilize his subjective initiative, achieve results, experience a sense of accomplishment, and develop confidence. This will also encourage him to demonstrate confidence in your relationship and spend time with you.

The ability to work independently and with confidence.

This enables a transition from an anxious attachment style to a secure attachment style. It is important to provide yourself with a sense of security.

When working independently, it is important to maintain a sense of self-control and confidence.

While you are alone, arrange various things for yourself and refrain from contacting the other person during this time. Take the opportunity to experience the benefits of independent existence and enjoy the positive aspects of being alone.

Your sense of security begins to develop.

? Self-mastery

A sense of self-control is a valuable asset. Insecurity often stems from a lack of control, accompanied by a fear of losing a great deal.

You choose to pursue your own objectives and maintain a sense of control, which in turn enhances your sense of security. Even in the event of a potential separation, you will be confident in your ability to cope.

2. Meet expectations.

One of the causes of the conflict mentioned earlier is the inconsistency between your respective expectations. It is therefore important to use effective communication to reconcile these inconsistent expectations. The more you can agree, the better your relationship will become.

3⃣, Emotional connection

It is important to focus on emotional connections, use expressions of love for each other, and enhance emotional communication and good intimacy.

It is important to recognize that everyone has a different understanding of love and that the way they express and receive love is likely to be different. Dr. Gary Chapman has developed a framework for understanding the various ways in which people express and receive love. This framework categorizes the ways in which people express and receive love into five "languages of love": "affirming words," "deliberate moments," "exchanging gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are an important aspect of communication in any professional setting. They demonstrate appreciation and support, which are essential for fostering positive relationships and maintaining a healthy work environment.

It is important to recognize that individuals in various relationships, including friends, colleagues, romantic partners, and spouses, all require positive reinforcement and affirmation. Providing additional constructive feedback can enhance mutual respect and affection.

Moments of care

A "moment of care" refers to a special moment or experience shared by both parties, such as a candlelit dinner or a meaningful activity together. During these moments, it is important to give your full attention to the other person.

Accept gifts.

The exchange of gifts on significant occasions is a deeply ritualistic act. This ritual, along with the gift itself, can serve as a powerful bond between two individuals.

Service actions

In essence, it is important to do what the other person wants you to do and to make the other person happy through the services you provide. Such service actions are often the little things in life.

It is recommended that physical contact be made.

Physical contact, such as holding hands or hugging, can enhance feelings of intimacy and serve as an expression of love.

The expression of love can enhance intimacy and facilitate conflict resolution, strengthening the relationship.

Dear Questioner, I encourage you to prioritize the nurturing of your intimate relationship. I am confident that with your continued attention to this aspect of your life, you will find mutual growth and fulfillment.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the original poster for a happy holiday season.

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm a great listener. I'm forty and confused, and I'm so excited to have this chance to meet you here!

Oh my goodness, I can tell you've had a fight with your boyfriend! Don't worry, I'm here to help. Let me give you a warm hug first.

Your boyfriend is currently under a lot of pressure, but he's handling it like a champ! Interning in a hospital is tough, and at night he's got postgraduate exams to study for. The two of you are in different places, which makes communication a bit tricky, but you're working on it! After an argument, he expressed a desire to be alone, which made you feel a bit worried, but you're confident he'll work through it. You also want him to let go of his anxiety and prepare for the exams properly. You can understand that although you currently have a lot of worries, you are able to fully consider your boyfriend's feelings, and you are also full of confidence in your relationship.

When two people are in love, their minds are more delicate and sensitive. If a conflict arises and is not handled well, it will leave hidden dangers. But don't worry! There are simple steps you can take to adjust and keep your love alive. Take the following steps to adjust and keep your love alive:

Be aware of yourself and you'll be amazed at what you discover!

It's so important to recognize the causes of problems in the relationship in a timely manner, address the issues, sort out your emotions, see where you stand in the relationship and what your expectations are, assess the possibility of future development models, and decide on a course of action based on feasibility.

It's so important to understand the other person!

You're already doing a great job! You can also use other awesome methods such as setting rules, where one person talks and the other listens during communication; making excuses for the other person; forcing yourself to stand in the other person's shoes; or using a prop (a designated object) as a remote control to control the situation, such as when the atmosphere starts to get wrong and communication starts to intensify, to call a stop. By listening and talking reasonably, you can fully understand the other person's thoughts, needs, and expectations.

It's time to put yourself in the other person's shoes!

Once you've gained a deeper understanding, put yourself in the other person's position. Fully consider your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and expectations. And don't forget to understand the other person's heart! When you do this, you'll achieve the mentality of treating others as you would like to be treated.

Once you've gained a full understanding, it's time to start communicating! Begin with an objective expression, describing the whole thing in the voice of an outsider and taking the other person along as you go through it again.

When communicating, start sentences with the first person. I don't know if you've noticed, but when we get angry and vent, we often start sentences with the second person, like "You're out of line" or "You're such a hypocrite." But there's a better way! Let's start sentences with the first person instead.

Let's switch things up! Instead of using accusatory or offensive language, let's try using the word "I" to start a sentence.

Let your feelings shine! Start speaking in the first person to combine feelings and start speaking, for example: "I want to be with you, so we fight, which makes me feel very anxious." "I feel very sad." "I'm saddened by your actions."

Now it's time to express your expectations! Through the above communication, express the result you want to achieve in response to the problem of arguing. For example, you could say, "You may be doing this for my own good, but I feel sad. I don't care if there will be some difficulties, what's important is that we are together." Or you could say, "I am saddened by your actions, and I hope you can value me more."

As you can see, communication is the most important part, especially for your current situation of being apart. It's so important to strengthen communication to make up for the shortcomings of distance!

I am an enthusiastic answerer on Yixinli, a psychological listener, an offline consultant, learning knowledge to face life and summarizing experience to help others. I am so excited to help you!

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It's totally normal for your boyfriend to feel afraid that he's not good enough for you and that the distance between you will affect your relationship. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's just that he's not confident in himself. And you actually love him very much, too! You just don't know how to make him feel your love and how to make him more determined to go forward with you.

It's so important to understand each other. When you know why he's acting this way, you'll feel the love he has for you in his heart. And it's also really helpful to communicate effectively, strengthen your faith in each other, face future difficulties together, and protect your love.

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

I know it can be hard to understand why he's acting the way he is, but I'm here to help. It's because he's feeling insecure inside. He just needs the trust and security you can give him.

I don't know if you've ever felt it, but I truly believe that he really loves you. It's just that he's not sure how to deal with these problems because he's feeling scared inside. He's not confident in himself, which is totally understandable! At this time, if we go along with him or argue on the surface, we won't be able to really solve the problem. What he really needs most is your trust and the sense of security you give him.

When he worries that he's not good enough for you, you can say something like, "No matter what you are like, I love you and I think you are the best. You will always be good enough for me." When he worries about the difficulties of a long-distance relationship, you can say something like, "No matter where I am, I will only love you. We will definitely be able to overcome the obstacles of being apart and finally live a happy life together..."

This way, he'll feel safe with you, trust you, and be totally committed to your relationship.

2. Try to communicate effectively, express your feelings and needs, and listen to his feelings and needs. This can really help your relationship to grow and develop.

It's totally normal for communication to feel ineffective when you're both feeling a lot of emotions. The good news is that you can make it better! Try to find a more relaxed and happy atmosphere to communicate in. When you're both feeling good, you'll be more open to listening and sharing, and you'll get much better results.

For instance, when you're having a meal together in a calm setting, like a restaurant, and you're both feeling pretty good, it's a great time to chat. When you're talking, it's important to be gentle and not accuse or criticize him. Instead, you can simply express your feelings and needs in a kind and understanding way. For example, you could say, "When you said you just wanted to be alone, I was really scared, worried, sad, and upset. I need your love and care, and I care about your attitude towards me. In the future, can you please keep in touch with me even when you're alone?"

Then, you can also listen to his feelings and needs. You may find that he doesn't want to give up on you, but that he is just "in a difficult situation." His current solitude is just so that he can be with you better in the future, etc.

3. Do your best to help him prepare for the exam during this period. Let him know you're there for him and that you care.

He's got a lot on his plate right now, so it's important that you're there for him. Don't stand in opposition to him, but be his supporter, give him strength, and help him better cope with the current difficulties. I truly believe that such support and care can promote the development of your relationship.

For instance, if he's busy at work during the day and studying for exams at night, you could send him some food and drinks, give him some encouraging and supportive words, or write him a letter expressing your belief in him, encouragement, and support. You could also ask him directly, "Is there anything I can do for you during this period? I care about you very much and I'm also very worried about you. I'm also very willing to support you. I'm with you. I hope you can accept my help..."

I truly believe that when he can feel the sense of security and stability with you, when he feels your love and care for him, when he feels that you are together, when he feels that you support and understand him, then he will feel more and more at ease in your relationship, and your relationship will become more and more stable and harmonious.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

You're lucky! You're in a good graduate program and met your boyfriend. This is a highlight of your life!

You said you and your boyfriend got along well before he went to graduate school. Those were the good old days! You say you have worries now, but they are just little worries.

I say this to make you feel better. I think your boyfriend was also infatuated with you before. He still has feelings for you. You may have caused him some insecurity because you've been admitted to graduate school. I think you know that taking the postgraduate entrance exam is really not easy. My eldest child said that taking the postgraduate entrance exam seems to be even more stressful than being admitted to graduate school.

Your boyfriend is busy studying medicine and has a lot of pressure. You are also a postgraduate student at a prestigious university, which adds to the pressure. It is hard for him to think about the future. You keep asking him about the future, which makes him feel insecure.

If you put yourself in his shoes, I think the average woman's mentality is less able to cope than that of the average man. So, perhaps your current situation is not as good as your boyfriend's. What now?

I have some suggestions.

First, seeing the pressure in your boyfriend's heart, he wrote these things about you:

He's worried he won't pass the exam and feels inadequate. We've been apart for a month and have fought. Today he said he just wants to be alone.

We're in different places. I'm not good enough for you. Cold violence! No future. You're just nagging me!

He may feel overwhelmed and stressed about the exam.

If you feel your boyfriend is under pressure, try to understand him.

To understand, don't think about the future. Just know that things will change.

The exam is in two months. Don't talk about the future for these two months. Let your boyfriend live his life. Stand back and watch him. You'll understand your boyfriend.

Second, you can still give your boyfriend attention. You can order him takeout or ask him to go for a walk. Don't talk about the future or long-distance relationships yet.

If you can, work with your boyfriend on the postgraduate entrance exam. You probably didn't focus on this when you applied to graduate school. Now that you've been accepted, you can help him with the exam.

Help your boyfriend. Give him support and comfort. I believe you can do it.

In short, in these extraordinary times, it really cannot be said that this is how your boyfriend feels. Your current feelings are also due to the pressure of the postgraduate entrance exam. If this problem is solved in two months, you can talk about the future again.

I hope you can solve the problem and enjoy life!

I love you!

Dear questioner, I am writing in response to your question.

I'm Kelly. I've read your question and I understand your concerns and worries. You don't want to argue, and I can see that you're actively looking for answers.

Let's analyze the situation with your boyfriend. You were happy together before.

This proves that when there is no pressure, you are extremely happy and get along well.

Later, because of his busy schedule, and especially because he saw that you had already enrolled in a good school, I am certain that at this time your boyfriend would be very anxious, and even worried about failing the exams. (This would make him feel inferior and lack confidence.)

You need to give him more support, encouragement, and affirmation.

♥️I'm going to tell you a story.

I remember the love story of the psychology master at Stanford University, Mr. Irwin Allon, and his lover, the scholar at Stanford University, Ms. Marilyn Allon. It moved me deeply.

Mr. Irving Yaron was a commoner, and Marilyn was from a wealthy family. They became important people in each other's lives because of their love of literature. Mr. Yaron had good grades at school but was introverted and shy. He did not receive recognition or encouragement from his teachers. Marilyn was the opposite: smart and studious, from a good family, and deeply loved by her teachers. The English teacher even sarcastically said that he didn't want him to be with Marilyn.

This incident had a profound impact on Mr. Irving Yaron's self-esteem, prompting a shift in his clinical approach to treating others.

Nevertheless, Marilyn's love gave Irving Yaron the confidence to face all the pressures and anxieties head-on.

Marilyn loves literature, and he loves medicine. Mr. Irving Yaron later stated that this period was the most difficult in his life. He was concerned about Marilyn going to a new school and affecting the relationship between them.

Their story proves that love can conquer all and motivate us to become our best selves.

In the end, they became husband and wife and weathered countless storms in life.

You should read his book, Becoming Myself.

He lacks confidence.

His inferiority complex is likely hidden deep within his heart. Zhang Ailing was right: when you meet him, he'll be so low that he'll be in the dust.

Here, there's no doubt about it: he's uneasy and afraid of losing you.

The questioner loves him and is certain that he can prepare for the postgraduate entrance exam with peace of mind, give him the confidence he needs, face things honestly, and reassure him at this stage.

Show him you care, give him a boost, and lend a hand.

I have a friend who is a doctor. She married a postgraduate student, and at the time, many of her friends said it was a pity for the girl. My friend was determined in her choice, and her husband has always cherished and loved her for many years since they got married.

My friend's husband never cares what other people think. He focuses on the world of the two of them.

They have become what they admire through their own hard work and love.

Let me be clear: there is no such thing as a suitable match in love. There is only love or not.

✍️[About your arguments]

It's normal for a couple in love to argue. You should be concerned about his cold violence towards you. He probably wants your understanding and encouragement. Arguing is a good time to get to know each other.

We can distinguish between major and minor matters. Taking the postgraduate entrance exam is a major event. You are smart and know him best.

Love him, support him, and encourage him unconditionally.

Studying medicine is hard and stressful. If you like the major and your future career, it's meaningful and worthwhile, but there are challenges.

I believe that arguing is not a problem. You should ask yourselves if you love each other. It is easy to misunderstand each other when you are in a bad mood.

When you calm down, ask yourself, "Love will make you braver."

You have already won this battle. With the peace of mind that comes from having a school, you can put yourself in his shoes. If you were in his shoes and he were in yours, you know what you would want him to do.

He doesn't need comfort. He needs understanding, affirmation, encouragement, and support. Be there for him when he is stressed and listen to him with tolerance for his vulnerability.

If you have any other questions, ask away. Our team of teachers is ready to answer them.

I'm Kelly, and I hope you're well.

The world and I love you.

#Hello, I'm Gu Yi! Modest and self-effacing, Gu Yi is consistent—and a joy to know!

♥ Moderate space leads to more trust — and it's a great thing!

When faced with pressure, many people are actually vulnerable. We hope that we can achieve what we want, and we can! As we look at the days getting closer and closer, and at the daily work schedule, we will always begin to doubt our abilities at some point. But we can overcome that doubt and find our motivation to strive again! We all advance so uncertainly on the road to hard work, but we can do it!

Dear Questioner, I can really understand how you feel. You're standing at a crossroads in life, and you have the amazing opportunity to choose between two great options: your boyfriend and the stability he offers, or the exciting new possibilities that await you. No matter what approach you choose to talk to your boyfriend, your positions are actually unequal, and it is only natural to want more. It is also normal to have arguments, which is a great chance to learn and grow together.

The outcome is not as important as the final result, so don't worry about it! You'll get there. The way you get along with each other will change, and you'll have to break and rebuild the previous way of getting along with each other. So maybe your boyfriend is not being cold and violent towards you, but just following his own schedule. He really has very limited experience, and maybe he is just angry at his own restless emotions.

I've got a little piece of advice for you!

You are both hardworking and motivated, and I admire that! Faced with the uncertainty of the future, you really hope that many things will be settled. But in the face of time, it seems that you really need to set priorities to achieve a better outcome. This is not the time to talk about what the future will bring. First, let the postgraduate entrance exam, which will ultimately affect your plans, come first. You can worry about the future after you've taken the exam!

A mature relationship can actually stand the test of time! Managing a relationship is not about having endless conversations every day or having to do certain things every day. It is about two people moving towards a common goal. Whether or not the relationship is strong at the moment is actually not that important. So, dear questioner, you need to be considerate and find the right way to get along!

❀A simple greeting is just the ticket! The way of the warrior and the way of the scholar is all about balance. The same goes for relationships: the durability of a relationship doesn't depend on one's attitude at the moment. Trust your feelings and your choices. Be firm. Good things are worth waiting for! I really hope you'll stay with each other, understand each other, and be there for each other.

Wishing you the very best!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today to discuss a few items. Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter. Best regards,

First and foremost, I would like to express my understanding and sympathy for your situation. I would also like to extend a gesture of support and comfort in the form of a hug to help you feel the warmth of the world.

From your description, it appears that your boyfriend is facing significant pressure in preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam, which seems to be the root of the problem. This pressure has led to a series of challenges in your relationship, which could be likened to a butterfly effect.

You are both preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam. You have selected a suitable educational institution, but have you also allocated sufficient time for your own preparation?

The same is true of the postgraduate entrance exam, the outcome of which is still undecided. I am confident that the OP will perform well, but I wonder if your boyfriend's concern is excessive and intense.

From a psychological standpoint, his mindset requires adjustment. A healthy relationship entails mutual growth and progress. While it is understandable for him to express concerns, statements such as "Do you deserve each other?" or "Will you abandon him once you've passed the exam?" are unproductive and should be avoided.

Or is it a case of assuming that those who have not obtained a postgraduate qualification are undeserving of affection?

It is not uncommon for individuals to engage in unproductive thought patterns, which can impede problem-solving and hinder progress. Instead of dwelling on these issues, it is more beneficial to focus on practical matters such as coordinating schedules, supporting each other, and preparing for exams. By doing so, you can ensure a smooth transition ashore and a positive overall experience.

For the past month, I have been reluctant to spend time with you. This is indicative of a tendency to avoid conflict. If there is a conflict, it must be resolved through communication. The late outbreak of such a backlog of conflicts is very detrimental to the development of the relationship.

This kind of avoidance behavior can only be explained by the fact that he may lack the psychological resilience and maturity to handle the situation effectively. His response is evasive and unhelpful, making it difficult for others to provide the support he needs.

Dear host, It has come to my attention that you are thinking about him a great deal. Have you considered your own emotions? Will this ongoing situation affect your postgraduate entrance exam? Or are you already guaranteed a place at a postgraduate school and therefore not concerned? Of course, everyone wants the best for the other person, but it is not about forcing the other person to do things under the guise of doing what is best for you. It is also not about avoiding problems when they arise. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Best regards,

It is important to recognise that everyone is under pressure to perform well in their exams. Those who are serious about gaining a place at university will undoubtedly experience stress. However, this should not be used as an excuse to avoid addressing problems or forming relationships.

It is important to remember that falling in love is not advisable during this period. It is essential to have a solid emotional foundation and shared goals before embarking on a romantic relationship.

Such a relationship is akin to a time bomb.

A positive relationship can facilitate personal growth and development, rather than leading to a lack of resilience when faced with challenges.

Since you have discussed the matter, it is important to have a clear and constructive conversation about your future together. If you have decided that this relationship is not moving forward, it is advisable to part ways amicably. Remember, when searching for a partner, it is crucial to ensure that you are with someone who is right for you, as they may act as a barrier to your personal growth.

While comfort is a valuable commodity, it is important to set boundaries.

Do not compromise your standards without justification. Give yourself the opportunity to assess the situation. Arrange to meet him at a venue you frequent for relaxation. A location with positive associations will allow you to discuss your future together.

I wish you the utmost success and happiness.

Good day.

As a heart coach, I believe that learning is the cornerstone of a healthy lifestyle.

From your description, I can discern your inner concerns, confusion, discomfort, pain, and helplessness.

As you are currently unable to provide the appropriate level of comfort to your boyfriend-to-be regarding his concerns, I will refrain from offering a detailed analysis. Instead, I will provide three key pieces of advice for your consideration:

First and foremost, I advise you to engage in a candid discussion with him.

Effective communication provides mutual understanding and fosters positive relationships.

However, when communicating with him, it is important to exercise caution and consider the following two points:

First, attempt to comprehend his perspective. This will assist him in hearing your message.

You have already identified a suitable educational establishment, but he is concerned that he may not gain admission and that he does not meet your expectations. This is a common concern. It is important to understand his inner worries and lack of confidence. It would be helpful to reassure him that even if he is not accepted, you will not doubt his abilities. He also needs time to reflect and may be tempted to give up. It is important to understand his perspective, given that you have only recently started dating and he may still see you as his boyfriend. His concerns are understandable.

Secondly, it is advisable to begin sentences with "I" and discuss your feelings in greater detail. It is also recommended to avoid or minimise the use of sentences starting with "you", as this may lead to feelings of rejection and blame, which are counterproductive in communication.

You can inform him that you are aware of the pressures he is facing, including concerns about his ability to pass the exam and feelings of inadequacy in your eyes. You can also acknowledge his time constraints and desire for solitude to focus on his studies. However, you can express your desire to understand his thoughts and concerns. You can reiterate your interest in him as an individual, not just in terms of his qualifications. This should reassure him that even if he does not pass the exam, he does not have to feel inadequate in your eyes. You can reiterate your desire to accept him for who he is. You can also assure him that you will not disturb him and will respect his need to focus on his studies.

Following open and honest communication, the relationship is likely to improve, and he will also perceive your support and encouragement.

Secondly, I recommend allowing him the necessary time, respecting his decisions, and attempting to communicate openly and honestly during this period.

After a thorough discussion, the individual may still have some concerns, lack confidence, and desire solitude. During this period, it is essential to provide time and respect their decision. By respecting their autonomy, you are also reassuring them of your support and demonstrating your commitment to their well-being.

It is advisable to communicate with him as much as possible and inform him that should he wish to spend time with you, you will endeavour to spend as much time with him as possible. This kind of communication is also a form of reassurance. You may also discuss with him your views on the future and living apart, which will also provide him with confidence and hope.

Additionally, you may benefit from the positive effects of providing comfort to others.

I recommend that you focus on your own tasks and responsibilities.

By focusing some of your attention on yourself, you can avoid becoming overly dependent on him. This may also help him to feel more relaxed. Otherwise, he is likely to be short on time. Focusing all your attention on him could have the opposite effect, putting pressure on him and making him irritable. He may even feel controlled.

You are focused on your own tasks, which provides him with ample time and comforts him. Additionally, you maintain your own identity and sense of self.

To provide comfort, it is essential to engage in sincere communication with the individual in question. This is a highly effective method for resolving issues in relationships, including partnerships. Following this, it is crucial to allow the individual sufficient time and respect. Additionally, it is beneficial to shift some of the attention to oneself, which provides comfort through understanding, tolerance, encouragement, and support.

I hope my response is helpful. If you would like to discuss further, you can click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I will communicate with you directly.

The fact that your boyfriend is preparing for postgraduate entrance exams, the feeling that he is not good enough for you, the distance between you, and the accumulation of cold violence have all combined to put your relationship in jeopardy.

When the relationship hits rock bottom, you're torn between wanting to save it and wanting to help him get through the tough time of preparing for the exam. This shows how much you care about your relationship and how much you care about him.

The most important thing in a relationship is whether both people care about each other. With this in mind, there's room for misunderstanding and differences to be ironed out and resolved.

I hope you find the following information helpful as you navigate your current concerns.

1. Figure out what's causing the current issues in the relationship.

The distance between them, the cold violence, and the prospective boyfriend's fear that he won't be good enough for her if he doesn't pass the exam all point to a lack of certainty and the unknown about the future, and the other person's lack of inner security.

In any relationship, there are two things that are independent but still connected:

1. The man's future development

And the future of your relationship.

In terms of the two sides of what you can do for others and what you can do yourself, try to figure out which parts you can do yourself and which are the other person's responsibility.

From what I can tell, your partner places a lot of importance on how external factors affect the relationship. With daytime internships and evening studies on top of that, it's no surprise he's feeling the pressure.

How you feel and what you do can be affected by what's going on inside you and by the pressure of studying and working hard.

2. Show your love and care for the relationship, remind him of all the happy times you've spent together, but let him decide what's best for him.

Not everyone has the same way of dealing with stress.

It seems like the would-be boyfriend is trying to cope in his usual way, which might make things worse.

If you still want to fight for or maintain the relationship, it's important to show love and care. But be prepared for the other person to respond in an immature but familiar way to the uncertainty of the future and the possible setbacks to their sense of self-worth.

It's also important to show your own attitude as much as possible and to give him back the part of the relationship that is his choice and decision, with respect and understanding.

It's also important to express your own attitude as much as possible and give him back the part of the relationship that is his choice and decision, with respect and understanding. You may also need to prepare yourself mentally to deal with all the reactions and choices that the other person may have after such open communication and actions.

I hope this sharing is helpful for you.

I'm a psychologist, not a human behaviorist. I just care about the human heart. Thanks for listening.