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My daughter has had over 40 boyfriends and they all broke up. What should I do?

middle school teacher strict parenting rich husband divorce estranged relationship
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My daughter has had over 40 boyfriends and they all broke up. What should I do? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I am a middle school teacher and I am very strict with my students, and even stricter with my daughter. She is therefore very afraid of me and is relatively distant from me. My husband is the boss of a company and is very rich. He has always doted on my daughter and even indulges her. My daughter also loves her father very much and is always clinging to him.

My daughter has always looked down on me. In her eyes, my husband is the boss of a company, rich and in love with her, while I am just an ordinary teacher with a pitiful salary who is kind to strangers and only bullies her every day.

Later, because my husband became rich, he started to change for the worse, spending all day partying. I divorced him in a fit of anger. After the divorce, my daughter lived with her father. After my daughter went to university, her ex-husband bought her a car and a villa. My daughter and I became even more estranged. Now we rarely contact each other, and she only occasionally comes to visit.

My daughter spends every day with her father, and he spoils her rotten, which has given her the bad habit of being willful and headstrong. But since my daughter has always loved her father very much, her ex-husband has always doted on her and completely accommodated her character.

But the problem now is that my daughter is 32 years old and is already considered a "leftover woman of a certain age". After graduating from university, she has been introduced to more than 40 people by friends and family, but nothing ever came of it.

My daughter always uses my father as a benchmark to measure other people. In her eyes, my father is tall, handsome, successful, and loves her very much. He bought him a luxury home and a car, and is the best man in her heart. She always selectively ignores her father's shortcomings of spending time with women.

Any friends introduced by other people, her daughter would compare with her own father. As a result, although there were many excellent conditions in various aspects in the more than 40 boyfriends, they all had short working hours and were definitely not as wealthy as her father. In the end, her daughter was not satisfied with any of them and thought that they were far inferior to her father. Many of those she had been involved with also had opinions about her daughter, thinking that she was a bit willful and headstrong.

Her father can tolerate her, but other men can't tolerate her in every way.

This year, my daughter will be 32 years old. Most of her former classmates are married with children, and many of them even have children who can already make soy sauce. However, my daughter is still single. She has dated more than 40 people, but they all broke up. She is not worried at all. She feels that she has a car and a villa, and she is spoiled by her father. She leads a refined life, and she is quite happy being single.

Most of her peers are already married with children, and my colleagues and close friends often talk to me about her marriage prospects. I'm getting worried now.

Theobaldine Theobaldine A total of 4119 people have been helped

Hello, I read your description and I can see that you're really worried about your daughter's marriage prospects. You say that your daughter is 32 years old and has no partner, and that you're worried about her future, especially when you see that all her friends have partners, and when people ask you about it.

You also mentioned that your daughter is influenced by her father. Do you think there's a connection between not having a partner and being influenced by your father?

To help you get a better handle on this, let's start with yourself. That way, you'll have a better idea of how to handle it in a more appropriate way.

In the text, you referred to your husband as "husband" before the divorce and as "ex-husband" after. This might show that you follow rules and regulations. Many women want to start a family and have a home. This might be a constant belief.

You've been thinking about how you've been a bit strict with your daughter and your father has been a bit overindulgent. This has led to a distance between you and your daughter, and you're not as close to her as she is to her father. What are your thoughts on this?

I haven't seen any description of your current situation, so I can't comment on that. But every child's subconscious loves their mother and wants her to be happy, regardless of how close the relationship is.

Kids can tell when there's a subtle relationship between their parents and they'll be dedicated to keeping it.

Your descriptions and comments about the father of your child are consistent throughout the text. It seems like you haven't had the best life and haven't fully moved on from that family.

The daughter plays a big part in this. Maybe she thinks that if you stop seeing your dad, you won't be happy. She doesn't let herself form a new family so that you can focus on her while she stays close to your dad. It's like you're still on the same page.

Every mother wants her child to be happy, and the child can only be happy when she sees her mother happy first. So it's important to think about how to make yourself happy. Focus on yourself and respect your child's own choices. When your child sees that you're strong, he'll also be able to release his own capacity for love.

I think it would be a good idea for you to have a chat with your daughter about yourself and your love for her. I'm sure you'll find that she'll appreciate your inclusive, accepting and allowing attitude.

I hope this partial analysis is helpful to you!

At Yixinli, we love having you as part of our team!

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Julian Fernandez Julian Fernandez A total of 4372 people have been helped

First and foremost, as a mother, I empathize with your concerns and confusion. In this situation, the most crucial aspect is to respect your daughter's autonomy, privacy, and decisions. Concurrently, you can implement the following measures to assist your daughter:

1. Listen and provide support: It is important to listen to your daughter as she expresses her feelings and confusions and to let her know that you will support her no matter what happens.

2. Provide psychological support: By encouraging your daughter to express her emotions and anxieties, you can assist her in releasing stress and fostering a sense of your love and support.

3. Facilitate access to professional assistance: If the frequency of romantic relationships is causing distress to your daughter or negatively impacting her quality of life, you may encourage her to pursue counseling or psychotherapy to address her emotional challenges.

4. Encourage self-esteem and self-confidence: Assist your daughter in developing a sound sense of values and self-confidence, thereby fostering an understanding that her worth is not contingent upon her romantic relationship.

5. Provide constructive advice and perspectives when necessary.

It is of the utmost importance to ensure that your daughter is aware of your unwavering support and that she can rely on you in any situation. Concurrently, it is crucial to facilitate her ability to learn from each relationship, enabling her to continue her personal growth and development.

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Comments

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Salvatore Anderson A person of great learning is a navigator, charting a course through the uncharted waters of different knowledge areas.

I can understand why you're feeling worried and perhaps a bit helpless in this situation. It's tough seeing your child follow a path that you fear might not lead to longterm happiness.

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Joaquin Thomas Time is a journey that reveals our true character.

It sounds like there are a lot of complex emotions here. I know my daughter looks up to her father for all the reasons you mentioned, and it's hard to compete with that idealized image. I wish I could have been the one she turned to for support and love.

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Delilah Reed A person of extensive learning is a maestro, conducting the orchestra of knowledge with finesse.

As a mother, it's painful to see your child reject what you offer because of past strictness. If only I had found a balance earlier, maybe our relationship would be different now. It's a lesson in hindsight being 20/20.

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Levi Thomas Diligence is the current that carries you towards your goals.

The divorce certainly changed things between us. I wonder if there's still a chance to rebuild our relationship on new terms, or if the distance has become too great to bridge after all these years.

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Miranda Ellis Failure is a chance to rewrite your story and aim for success.

It's clear that the lifestyle her father provides shields her from the pressures many face at her age. While it seems she's content, I worry about her future happiness and whether material things will always be enough for her.

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