My husband comes from a single-parent family, he's a giant baby, wants to divorce but can't be cruel, should I?

You have listed your husband's behaviors and expressions. From your narrative, I can see your disappointment and dislike for your husband. You want a divorce but can't bring yourself to do it.

Your husband is from a single-parent family and isn't a good earner. You should've known about his personality, ability to get things done, and psychological state before you got married. You must have your reasons for choosing him. Now that you know him better, you're hesitant to divorce him. He has traits you can't tolerate, but he also has traits you need and like. He can satisfy your needs in some ways.

Your husband is 26, so you haven't been married long. Everyone gets married hoping to be happy, and divorces to find happiness again.

A marriage is a union of two families. There will always be problems. Divorce is one solution, but it is not the only solution.

If you can't divorce your spouse, try to improve your relationship. 1. Communicate when there are conflicts and learn to communicate better.

2. Appreciate each other, take responsibility for yourself, let your partner take responsibility for themselves, and don't take on too much family responsibility.

3. Give yourself and your mother-in-law more space.

You are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including anger, helplessness, and frustration. You are also feeling a sense of helplessness and depression due to the lack of agreement and your own misfortune.

From the information provided, it appears that your husband may have some shortcomings, including deficiencies in manual skills and earning ability. However, it is important to consider that he is the same person you initially fell in love with, from the early stages of dating and courtship to the decision to marry. It is unlikely that you would have chosen to devote yourself to him if you had known from the outset that he was unsuitable.

Please reflect on your feelings when you were deeply in love and newly married. What has caused this change?

I do not believe that his behavior is due to an infantile nature or a lack of self-worth.

Given the limited information available, I would like to understand your feelings about this marriage, any emotional changes you have experienced, and the reasons behind your current state of mind. I believe that single-parent families and mothers' obedience to him are contributing factors, but not the sole reason for his current state.

You noted that he drives and cooks, and despite occasional missteps, he consistently demonstrates initiative and effort, rather than complacency.

Third, you have expressed a desire for a divorce, yet you have not yet made a decision. There must be factors that you value, and perhaps there are aspects of your husband's behavior that make you reconsider your position. I believe there are.

It is important to remember that the current situation is not the only one you have experienced. Please take a moment to collect your thoughts and consider the circumstances you are facing. It may be helpful to speak with a trusted individual who is familiar with your situation and can offer guidance.

It may be beneficial to seek advice from a trusted source. Additionally, it would be advisable to arrange a calm discussion with your husband regarding your recent feelings and state of mind, and to ascertain his feedback.

In summary, expressing discontent and dissatisfaction without proposing solutions is an ineffective approach. There is no issue with seeking counsel from a trusted individual, but if you openly discuss these concerns with your spouse or repeatedly express your frustration, you may inadvertently contribute to a self-perpetuating cycle of conflict and exacerbate the issues at hand. Navigating and sustaining positive emotions in an intimate relationship is a challenging topic, and it is beyond the scope of this discussion. For more detailed insights, I recommend referring to my latest article on the psychology of relationships.

I hope you will soon overcome your current difficulties and achieve a happier state of mind.

I am writing to express my interest in maintaining communication with you via my personal public account, which is titled "A Young Person with a Pretentious Air" (ID: qingnianJIA2020).

Yixinli Please direct any questions to the following channels: Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community World I Love You You will find the relevant links here: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, I am Xin Tan, your coach Fei Yun. I am here to accompany you with warmth and to listen to your story with sincerity.

From what you have shared, I can sense your feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and pain and loneliness.

Your loved one, the person you want to entrust with your life, may come across as a "spoiled child," which can make it difficult for them to provide you with the sense of security you need.

You may want to end it, but you're unsure how to proceed. It's also challenging to envision a future and happiness that's solely yours.

I believe this is the aspect of your situation that causes you the most pain.

Let me give you a warm hug first. There are more than three solutions to everything, and I want to reassure you that divorce is definitely not the only way out.

Perhaps it would be helpful to first understand the nature of marriage.

Marriage, which may appear to be the union of two individuals, is in fact the formation of a new family, with each partner representing one of their original families.

It is only natural that both parties will bring the patterns of their respective original families into their own marital relationships. As you can see, your husband's behavior may be influenced by his original family.

It is important to acknowledge the influence of the original family, including the role of a single parent and an over-indulgent mother. However, the crucial point to consider is the manifestation of his own reluctance to grow.

It would be beneficial to consider that marriage often requires adjustment in three key areas: the alignment of individual interests and hobbies, the integration of different living habits, and the harmonization of two distinct family systems.

It seems that you two have attracted each other in some way, perhaps through shared interests and similar values. However, in his day-to-day life, you now have various complaints and disagreements with Tu Dan.

It may also involve some degree of rejection and criticism of his family of origin.

It's possible that your complaints and accusations are driven by a desire for your needs in the marriage and from your partner to be met.

In a relationship, men often seek appreciation, admiration, and adoration from women. Similarly, women frequently desire to feel secure, valued, and cared for by men.

As a "mama's boy" and "spoiled brat," he may have difficulty taking care of his own life and affairs, and therefore may not be able to protect and care for you as much as you would like. This is your judgment of him.

Unmet needs can lead to feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration, and even self-doubt and self-denial. It is natural to question one's decision to marry someone who may not meet one's expectations.

The book "Why Family Hurts" mentions three types of misalignments in traditional Chinese marital relationships: husband-wife relationships, parent-child relationships, and mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationships. It might be helpful to consider the underlying causes and solutions.

It might be helpful to consider increasing communication and exchanges between husband and wife, with the goal of finding a solution together. It's important to remember that communication is not about controlling someone else's actions. Instead, it's about sharing your own thoughts and hopes, and understanding that the other person may have different ideas and expectations.

Effective communication requires the expression of opinions and the transmission of emotions. The aim is to reach a consensus and to achieve emotional harmony based on sincerity and trust, so that together you can find a solution to the problem. One way to achieve this might be to help your partner to achieve a psychological "separation" from their mother and truly mature and grow.

It would be fair to say that no marriage is perfect. A happy marriage requires the joint efforts and hard work of both parties.

A good man is nurtured by a good woman, and a good woman is nurtured by a good man. It is believed that the relationship between husband and wife is meant to nourish and complete each other.

2. It is important to maintain your sense of self in marriage.

In marriage, especially for women, it is easy to lose oneself. It is therefore important to pay attention to our own growth. We can only love others better by loving ourselves better.

For instance, it is not uncommon for women to choose to leave their careers and become full-time housewives after getting married, supporting their husbands' work or career. This is particularly prevalent in cases where children are involved.

It might be said that the idea that "family is a woman's career" has influenced many people.

It is possible that when we are in a marriage and have high expectations of each other and the relationship, we may find ourselves waiting for heartache and disappointment.

"Many people believe that the purpose of marriage is to find a partner with whom they can complete each other, and they see marriage as a way to address their own shortcomings and challenges. However, this approach can sometimes lead to discord." - "Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup."

Ultimately, it is up to each of us to complete our sense of self. While a relationship may not be entirely at fault, it is possible that we may lack certain experiences or perspectives that could help us navigate life more effectively.

It may be helpful to avoid defining a relationship as wrong or a failure too quickly, as this can sometimes lead to avoiding responsibility.

You might also find it helpful to read the book If Only I Knew Before Marriage, which offers insights into the complexities of relationships and marriage.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I wish you well, and I send you my love.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Greetings.

The term "spoiled child" is a relatively recent phenomenon. However, there has been a notable increase in the number of parents who adhere to unreasonable parenting concepts. This has resulted in a generation of children who are unable to function independently, even in adulthood.

One might inquire as to why children of individuals who exhibit characteristics associated with "giant babies" are often unaware of their own problems.

In the absence of employment or familial responsibilities, the financial resources available to support the child's living conditions are typically sufficient. However, as the child transitions to the workforce and engages in intimate relationships, the limitations of their independence become increasingly evident. This phenomenon merits societal attention, as it necessitates an individual's realization of the necessity to adapt and cultivate an independent personality.

What modifications must be made?

When confronted with an adult who has not undergone cognitive development, it becomes more challenging to address the underlying issue. This is because, at this stage, the individual has already bypassed the phase of eager learning and seeking external information to reshape their worldview. Consequently, their dependence on parents or other figures intensifies with each passing day. Consequently, abrupt and uniform severance from such dependence can prove difficult to navigate. However, the identification of the problem represents an opportunity for transformation. To achieve long-term happiness, individuals must learn to endure pain, confront life's challenges directly, and embrace self-growth.

It is essential to communicate effectively with your husband in order to alter his life philosophy and assist him in adapting to the necessary changes.

The formation of living habits occurs over time through the process of habit formation. The reluctance to change can be conceptualized as a reluctance to bear the pain of taking on responsibilities independently. In order to facilitate change, it is essential to first make your husband aware of a new concept of life. This will enable him to recognize that his current mentality is a display of immaturity. Despite having been raised in a single-parent family, his mother did not want him to suffer. Consequently, when he grows up and starts a family, he must take on the responsibilities of the family. It is not feasible for his wife and children to take care of him instead. If one is unable to adjust one's mindset, it is not realistic to expect changes in one's actions.

It is imperative that parents develop the ability to relinquish control and allow their children to mature independently.

The husband's continued identification with the role of a "spoiled child" can be attributed to an incomplete psychological transition. He remains unaware that this mode of behavior is inappropriate, which eliminates any sense of anxiety when confronted with challenges, as he assumes someone will inevitably intervene. To facilitate his personal growth, it is essential for him to engage in open communication with his mother and learn to gradually transfer responsibility to his son. This process is fundamental to fostering the child's capacity to navigate the complexities of independent survival in a societal context. It is imperative to recognize that parents cannot indefinitely assume the role of their children's primary support system. As parents inevitably age, it is crucial to consider who will unconditionally shoulder the burden of their children's lives.

All actions are motivated by love, but excessive love can be detrimental.

Subsequently, the questioner inquires as to whether they should persist. If they do not abandon their efforts, the questioner is convinced that their motivation stems from love. However, the durability of this love is uncertain. The questioner may have contemplated this matter, but is reluctant to engage in a thorough examination of the issue. It is essential to recognize that we can make courageous decisions driven by love, or even decisions that exceed our capabilities. However, this is contingent upon the other person being aware of our sacrifices. In the absence of such understanding, the longevity of this unilateral love is questionable.

It is evident that the husband has been the recipient of an excessive amount of care throughout his developmental years. However, this does not bode well for his future as an adult. Excessive love from family members is not conducive to the development of male self-respect, nor does it foster independence. This raises the question of how a wife can maintain respect for her husband in such circumstances.

It is recommended that the aforementioned suggestions be attempted. Initially, an attempt should be made to engage in profound and patient communication with the husband in order to enhance his capacity for introspective understanding. Should the husband demonstrate a willingness to pursue change, the outcome will undoubtedly be optimal. However, if he remains unaware of the implications of his actions, it is not the responsibility of the wife to bear the burden alone. Instead, it may be beneficial for both parties to strive for mutual contentment.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello, I can tell from your words that you dislike your husband and feel helpless about the situation. I will describe my point of view, and I hope it will help you.

Your husband is ambitious and selfish. You want a divorce, but you can't bring yourself to do it. If we are indecisive in a relationship, it's possible that our partner has met some of our emotional needs. Think about whether you can find self-worth and identity in this relationship. Are there any positive things between you and your husband?

We are social animals. We need to get our emotional needs met in relationships. We can also grow in relationships.

The way we get along with our lovers may be a mold of the way we interact with our parents. The way we get along with our parents will often extend to the way we get along with other people. As you further deepen your relationship with your current partner, you will find that many of the issues in this relationship will touch upon some of the bad impressions or emotional buttons from your childhood.

Your husband is acting like a baby. Think about whether it's better to divorce. Write out the pros and cons of both. Try to think about your feelings and his feelings separately. You are not responsible for everything. Try to encourage him to be more independent.

Best wishes!

I love you, world.

Good morning, my name is Gu Yi. I am a modest and self-effacing individual, consistent with my usual demeanor.

After reviewing your description, I am compelled to express my profound sense of helplessness. To whom can you entrust such a husband?

A situation can be either simple or complicated, or it can possess elements of both.

A marriage contract formalizes the relationship between two individuals, establishing legal and social recognition as a married couple. However, this legal status also entails certain limitations and considerations in navigating life's challenges.

The issue you outlined is analogous to the situation you currently find yourself in. You are reluctant to pursue divorce, yet you are uncertain about the future if you do not.

It is therefore important to consider what the optimal way forward is for the marriage, and what steps can be taken to ensure its continued happiness and stability. If the decision has been made to end the marriage, divorce is a viable option. However, it is not a solution to the underlying problem, but rather an escape. If the questioner still wishes to address and resolve the issue, it may be necessary to take the initiative and make some adjustments.

It is often said that attempting to change others is unwise and impractical. In this case, the husband in question displays a number of characteristics that make such an endeavour challenging. These include a lack of independence, an overreliance on others, a lack of direction, and a tendency to overlook the details of daily life. Given these circumstances, it is worth asking what the most effective course of action might be. One possibility is to simply give up and accept the situation.

How to facilitate growth together with your husband.

In business, people often say things like, "If I had more experience, I wouldn't have made that decision," as if experience can help everyone navigate business decisions smoothly. Little do they know that experience is multifaceted. Faced with such a decision, the possibility of change is not non-existent. Change is possible, but it requires guidance and support.

Love is comprised of two abilities: the ability to love and the ability to show love. Perhaps we can assist our husbands in re-establishing their sense of family through our love. Historically, in single-parent families, the mother's words were of paramount importance. Therefore, it is possible that our husbands lack an understanding of men's obligations and careers in their roles in life. If this is the case, we can observe other people's families and tell stories to evoke the things in our husbands' hearts that have not been tapped about men's responsibilities. It is my hope that the love of the questioner will inspire their husbands.

The formation of a family is not as ideal as many believe. The conflicts and challenges that arise in life, such as the daily necessities of life, will become more apparent and magnified in married life. Two individuals who were previously unrelated come together through marriage. During this period, both the husband and wife must adapt to various changes. It is possible that the other person may not meet your expectations, and you may also discover new shortcomings. This is normal. Let's work together to overcome these challenges. If you find your husband's shortcomings frustrating, guide him to make changes. This may require effort, but it is a natural part of a relationship. He may have high expectations but limited skills, so let's collaborate to navigate life together and give him a chance to take the lead, provide input, and express his thoughts. Be willing to support her and work with her to facilitate change.

Please be aware that this process will take time.

Best regards,

Dear Question Asker,

After reading your account, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of internal conflict. Upon examination of the article in its entirety, it appears that the questioner is solely highlighting her perception of her husband's shortcomings, while failing to acknowledge one of his strengths. Given that every individual possesses both shortcomings and strengths, it is crucial to understand what initially drew the questioner to her husband and led her to choose to marry him.

It seems reasonable to posit that he must also have his good points.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a divorce is a personal one, as only the individuals involved are privy to the circumstances that led to this decision. It is, therefore, up to each individual to determine whether the benefits of divorce outweigh the costs.

Have you reached a point of profound disappointment in your husband, to the extent that you see no hope for the future of your marriage? Have you lost all feelings for him?

One must also consider whether a potential divorce would result in regret. Additionally, it is important to determine whether one has children.

In the event of a divorce, who will assume custody of the children?

2. Can you maintain a satisfactory quality of life independently, without relying on others? Alternatively, would you be able to secure gainful employment with a reliable source of income following a divorce?

3. Determine whether your heart will ache after the separation. If so, this indicates that you still love him, and that divorce may cause you more pain.

4. If you persevere, what kind of person do you want your husband to become? What can he change, and what is unchangeable?

What recourse is available to the individual in this situation? What if the husband is unable to meet the expectations of the wife?

In addition to expectations of one's spouse, it is also important to consider expectations of oneself. What are the desired outcomes?

It is important to consider whether one is satisfied with one's current self. If not, it is necessary to determine how one might increase one's satisfaction with oneself.

The question thus arises as to whether one can accept oneself.

I recall a line from The Rules for Happy Marriage: "In this world, even the happiest marriage will have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 thoughts of strangling the other person during the lifetime."

A review of the literature reveals that many individuals express a desire to be "conjoined twins" when they first get married. This desire is often accompanied by the expectation of spending every day with their spouse, with only each other in their eyes.

However, over time, the two individuals will gradually become more distant due to the numerous challenges and obstacles they encounter in life, leading to a significant increase in their number of grievances.

Thus, the relationship progresses from a romantic phase preceding marriage to a routine phase following marriage, ultimately reaching a point of familiarity akin to "holding hands with your left hand."

The question thus arises as to whether this level of love is sufficient. In fact, it is not.

It is possible that the couple in question has become less tolerant of life in general and has started to project their inner needs onto each other.

The length and depth of a marriage ultimately depends on the joint efforts of both partners, patience, and tolerance. To love someone, one must demonstrate that love through actions. The foundation of loving others is loving and accepting oneself. Those who lack self-love and acceptance cannot love and accept others. Zhang Defen offers a pertinent observation: "There is no one else in this world but yourself."

Despite the challenges that may arise in life, it is crucial to maintain the initial spark.

Given that marriage is a partnership, it follows that the more harmonious the marital relationship, the more the two people must work together to learn and grow. Consequently, when a marriage encounters problems, it may be advisable to remind oneself that it is necessary to study the subject in question in greater depth.

The learning process can also be a means of gradually acquiring a deeper understanding of one's own self.

Furthermore, the process of learning is an opportunity to gain insight into one's own identity and characteristics.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello!

I am a heart detective coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel your dissatisfaction, confusion, worries, hesitation, pain, and helplessness towards your husband. But don't worry! I can help you.

I'm not going to get into all the nitty-gritty of the problems you have with your husband. I'm sure you're aware of them, and I'm sure you're aware that they're preventing you from divorcing him. But I'm going to give you three pieces of advice that I think will really help you!

First, I suggest you ask yourself why you can't make up your mind.

You have a lot of grievances against your husband, and under normal circumstances, you would have divorced long ago. But you said you can't bring yourself to do it, which is totally understandable! So what makes you feel that leaving him is being "heartless"? Or why don't you leave?

Do you feel that you chose to be with him in the first place, and now that you're leaving, you feel like you're breaking a promise? Or do you feel that if you leave, your husband won't be able to survive (because you said he's an idiot in life), and you feel a bit bad about it and want to help him? Or maybe it's for other reasons, etc. In short, you need to figure out why you don't want a divorce. There are so many possibilities! It's time to get excited about figuring out why you don't want a divorce.

And the great news is that by understanding the reasons, you can absolutely change the situation!

Second, I suggest you take a deep breath and think about the reasons you've found.

A rational perspective is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the reality around you!

To look at it rationally, you need to do the following three things, and I'm excited to tell you what they are!

The first thing to remember is that two people can only be happy together if they are together for the right reasons!

This is a great reason! You two have so much in common and really want to be together. You're full of confidence and excitement about the days ahead!

From your description, it seems that you have difficulty finding a good reason to be with him, so you should be cautious about the state of your marriage. But don't worry! There are plenty of great reasons to stay married.

Second, remember that marriage is an incredible opportunity for growth and learning together!

In other words, if you can't make up your mind, if you feel sorry for him, if you think his life will be difficult in the future, if you want to help him or save him, then you should be careful, because marriage is about responsibility and commitment. It's not about saving anyone, it's a place for two people to grow together—and it's an amazing opportunity!

I'm not saying you have to divorce, but I really hope you can see these issues clearly and then make an objective and rational choice.

Third, get excited about the amazing process of personal growth! It's all about making constant choices that help you grow and mature.

If you can't make up your mind and you're worried that the other person will say you're not keeping your promise, then you have to understand that human growth is a process, people change, and marriage is an amazing opportunity for us to grow. At that time, you chose to be with him, and it was the best choice you could have made at the time. But now you see things more maturely, and you know what kind of marriage is a good marriage. Naturally, you will make a choice that is more beneficial to yourself. This is not a breach of promise, but taking responsibility for yourself.

When you look at it rationally like this, you'll be amazed at how many negative emotions in your heart will be resolved!

I have one more suggestion for you: focus on yourself! Think about what you can do to make yourself feel better.

Once you've thought through the reasons you've found, you'll be ready to take action! This is the perfect time to focus on yourself and give it your all.

For example, you can give yourself some time, and then ask yourself if the reason for staying with him is consistent with that "good" reason, and what you need to do if you have the opportunity. Then just do it! For example, you can communicate well with your husband and encourage him to grow, because everyone has the potential to improve and the initiative to do so. He can change and can have the ability to live independently. In this way, if he changes, you won't have to get a divorce, and then you won't be stuck. But you can choose to stay married!

If you've communicated with him, given him time, and encouraged him to grow, but he's still the same and has no desire to change, ask yourself: can you bear to be with someone like this? If you can, you can make it work! If you can't accept it, divorce is an option. You've already invested in this marriage, and I believe you'll be ready to move on.

You can also focus on yourself, change yourself first, including the way you communicate with him, and try your best to take care of things at work and in your life. In this way, if he still behaves the same way, you may also have the ability to make decisions, because you know that you are responsible for your own life; and so on. In short, you need to know that you can do something to help you make decisions, and you can do it!

Once you start taking action, you'll be amazed at how quickly those negative emotions will start to melt away. It's incredible how taking action can be the best way to beat those negative feelings!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Hello, young lady. I can see you're feeling a bit confused, so I just wanted to give you a hug!

It seems you may be experiencing some marital difficulties. I'm here to offer you a warm hug if you'd like one.

My husband is 26 years old and comes from a single-parent family. From a young age, he has been very respectful towards his mother.

I believe that his mental age may still be that of a child.

If you continue living with him, there is a possibility that he may come to rely on you to take care of him for the rest of his life.

It might be helpful to consider that, as long as you continue living with him, he may continue to view you as the primary source of support for his future.

As you mentioned, he does seem to have some difficulties with earning money and may have a somewhat optimistic view of the world.

If you have another child with him in the future, it might be more challenging to care for one child than two.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to encourage your husband to mature more quickly.

Otherwise, it might prove challenging for you both in the future.

While it is a difficult decision, divorcing your husband may be the only way to help him realize that no one can be responsible for his life.

It might be helpful to remember that even his wife cannot be responsible for his life.

If you are able to muster the courage to divorce him, it may help him to move on from you psychologically.

It might be helpful to remember that you are not his mother, so you are not responsible for his life lessons.

Perhaps it would be best for her mother to provide him with the life lessons he needs to learn.

Once he has had the opportunity to learn and grow from his experiences, he may be ready to explore the possibility of falling in love and getting married.

I truly hope that you will be able to find a solution to your problems soon.

I hope these suggestions are helpful and inspiring to you. At this moment, I can only think of these things.

I hope my above answers are helpful and inspiring to you, the girl. I am here to offer my support and I study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our love and best wishes to you.