My in-laws are very nice to me, but why do I feel a sense of distance from them?

Hello, question asker. I give you a hug. I can feel that you are a little uneasy and at a loss, but I know you can do this. You have ideas and ways to do things perfectly, and you will find the right way to do them. You feel very conflicted, both inside and out, but you will find a way to resolve that.

In ancient China, filial piety was the most important virtue. Children should respect and care for their parents. In reality, some customs say that daughters who have married do not have to support their parents. However, in big cities and according to the law, they do have to support them.

The economic pressure is great these days, so many parents have to help their children with childcare and look after their grandchildren. They don't complain, because they want their children to take care of them when they're old. They raised us when we were young, and now we're raising them when they're old. Not to mention that they help us raise our own children.

Let's go through your demands together.

1. I've heard that my husband's sister-in-law often calls and adds her parents-in-law on WeChat. She often buys them things. I feel guilty and powerless, but I'm going to stop feeling that way.

2. It is perfectly normal for you to keep your distance from your in-laws and treat them politely. After all, they did not raise you, and you are not related by blood. It is only because of your husband that you have this relationship as family. Since you chose to love your husband, it is only natural that his parents also need your love.

3. Your sister-in-law's approach is good, but you don't know how to do it. Sometimes your husband also says that they don't need it. Parents love their children and will save money if they can, so they won't tell you what they want. You are the one who is secretly happy after buying things and flaunting them in front of other elderly people.

I have some suggestions for you.

You must love and give love. You are entering a home and living together, so you are family. You should care for others with love.

Be a good person. Do what you want to do, be confident. Your husband and other people will love you more. No matter what you do, with your heart and actions, everyone will see it, and they will love you more. You will not lose out.

My husband is clear: you should do what your children should do. Your parents are your parents, and his parents are the same. They need you even more. The relationship between the two follows the general interpersonal relationship: reciprocity, which has been the rule since ancient times.

Read more, learn more. Everyone is an independent individual with different ways of interacting, perceptions, and values. Recognize your own self.

When you find your true self, you will no longer feel self-blame, depression, anxiety, or fear. There is no need to compare yourself to others because we all have our own strengths and advantages.

I am confident that these thoughts and suggestions will help you become a better version of yourself, a good wife, daughter-in-law, mother, and in the future, a good grandmother. Consultant Liu Qi, the world and I love you!

Hello, question asker!

I am a Sun Dolphin Floatation Toy, and I'm here to help!

1. You feel the good that your in-laws have done for you, but you can't get close to them. Is it because you don't want to get close to them? Aha! This is a great question. It's so important to understand our own motivations. So, let's dive in and explore this together.

2. It's clear from your comments that your in-laws treat you like their own daughter!

Absolutely! Go ahead and reciprocate the kindness of your in-laws.

3. You are living with such guilt, and you also know that your sister-in-law gets along well with your in-laws, so why not try to get along with them better?

4. When you want to buy something for your in-laws, you will ask your husband for his opinion.

Her husband will say that her mother doesn't need it. Have you ever thought that your in-laws don't need your son's devotion? It's a great opportunity to show them how much they do!

Do they need your return? Absolutely!

5. The relationship between the in-laws and daughter-in-law was originally one of mutual understanding and consideration. The in-laws were always there for their daughter-in-law, supporting her and encouraging her to succeed.

Absolutely! We should repay our in-laws for their efforts out of filial piety.

6. Absolutely! When you want to repay your in-laws, you will ask your husband for his opinion. Then when you repay your parents, you will definitely ask your husband for his opinion!

7. When your husband tries to stop you from repaying your in-laws, does he repay your in-laws for you?

No matter what kind of relationship is mutual, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same. And it's a wonderful thing! We have become the mother-in-law's love and enjoyed her care, so we should be grateful.

8. There has been no action of gratitude, just feelings of guilt. But here's the good news! Your in-laws can't tell that you feel guilty.

Such behavior will only make your in-laws feel that you are taking things for granted. What do you think?

9. If you are the one giving, and you don't get any feedback, not even a word of thanks, it's time to get creative!

How long can you last? Do you want to spend time together in the future?

10. Two sons. Two daughters-in-law.

The sisters-in-law are doing things differently, and it's fascinating to see how they're navigating this new dynamic. I'm sure their parents-in-law are learning a lot from them!

If it were you, wouldn't you feel excited to rise to the occasion?

11. It's totally possible to achieve a situation that makes both sides happy! So why not do it?

Why not listen to your husband?

12. Your husband and you are very different from your in-laws, and that's a wonderful thing! Your husband thinks that your in-laws don't need anything because he has always taken from them since he was a child and is used to it.

You think your in-laws' care for you is a matter of course, and you should be grateful for it!

You absolutely have to repay your in-laws for their care!

13. It's really not easy to meet such good parents-in-law. I really hope you cherish them as you go along!

As the youngest son, he is used to getting what he wants and being taken care of by the whole family. But that is no reason not to be grateful!

I think you are an absolutely brilliant woman. You know exactly what to do!

Everyone is a unique individual. The family environment and education we receive during our growth process have shaped our different attitudes and styles of dealing with people. Regardless of our personal attitudes towards others, as long as we treat others with sincerity, we will not feel guilty towards ourselves or them.

In business, things are rarely as straightforward as they appear. People often act according to their own perceptions, but in many cases, circumstances are constantly changing. Therefore, if we still look at and solve problems from the original perspective, it will cause things to be underestimated due to the lagging perception, thus leading things to develop in an unpredictable direction.

In your description of your loved ones, the greatest happiness for the two elderly people is not what you give them, but rather the opportunity to live a happy life in their care and enjoy the happiness of being a family.

The manner in which love is expressed is never reciprocal, nor can it be. Throughout our lives, love manifests in various forms and serves as a complement to other forms of love. The affection shown by your loved ones, which emanates from their hearts, and the respect you show them, which originates from your heart, represent distinct yet equally important ways of expressing love.

The most comfortable approach in any situation is often the most personal, and it is the most effective way to express your love. If you deliberately show it in a way you don't want to, it will only have a negative effect.

In the event of a special situation, it is important not to immediately categorize it as problematic. Instead, it is advisable to approach the situation with a more practical mindset, accept one's own imperfections in a reasonable manner, and strive to improve one's quality of life.

From your written account, it is evident that you are a new mother who is experiencing feelings of guilt and self-blame. Without knowing whether you are still in the postpartum period, I would like to extend my support and encouragement to you.

On the one hand, your in-laws have demonstrated a willingness to provide for you and your children. While you are grateful for this support, you also feel a sense of obligation to reciprocate their care and demonstrate gratitude in order to maintain a sense of equilibrium. This leads me to inquire:

1) Is it your customary practice to anticipate a reciprocal gesture in return for your offerings? What would occur if you were to receive without offering anything in return? (You may record your response in a simple format.)

2) In the past, as previously described, it appears that the rewards due to your in-laws have not been adequately provided. Has this anticipated outcome occurred?

A comparison of the responses to Parts 1 and 2 may yield insights. Should further discussion be required, we can communicate and continue the dialogue.

Conversely, a considerable degree of resistance must be surmounted in order to achieve a state of ease.

1) You desire to purchase gifts for your in-laws, yet your husband is not supportive of this endeavor. It appears that he is not fully cognizant of the extent to which this situation is a source of distress for you.

2) However, it is not feasible for you to emulate your sister-in-law's approach, which involves frequent communication via telephone and WeChat, as well as the regular purchase of gifts for your in-laws. This is not aligned with your personal style of relationship-building and maintenance.

3) Furthermore, it is notable that the subject displays a reluctance to engage in intimate gestures towards her in-laws, which would be comparable to those she would extend to her own parents.

The question thus arises as to the optimal course of action in this situation.

1) It is unclear whether you have attempted any form of communication with your husband regarding this matter. One potential approach could be scheduling a formal conversation with him, during which you express your gratitude for the care your parents-in-law have provided and acknowledge your feelings of guilt and self-reproach. Direct and sincere communication can often facilitate greater awareness and understanding of one's emotions, which in turn can enhance the other person's comprehension of your expectations and the significance of your desire to honor your parents-in-law through a gift.

2) What is your current approach to relationship-building and -maintenance? To what extent is it effective?

If modifications are required, must they be implemented in the manner of my sister-in-law? Are there alternative approaches that could be considered?

3) The acceptance of two previously unacquainted individuals as family members represents a significant challenge. When considering the possibility of treating these individuals as biological parents, it is essential to evaluate the rationale behind this decision. Is it truly reasonable to assume that they should be regarded as such?

One must have the courage and strength to face one's own struggles and speak about them.

I am grateful for your willingness to share your experiences. It is possible that others may also be facing similar challenges. I hope that your resilience and strength will inspire us all to strive for personal growth.

It is akin to the situation when one does not have a positive sentiment towards another individual, regardless of their amiability. In the absence of mutual attraction, there is a dearth of emotional resonance, which is often accompanied by feelings of guilt and distance.

I believe that your current relationship with your in-laws is also lacking in "attraction" due to the limited information you provide about your own perceptions. I can only speculate about some possibilities for your reference and awareness:

1. It is possible that you lack the requisite skills to interact with your in-laws in an optimal manner. Therefore, it is advisable to maintain a polite and respectful distance to avoid missteps and avoid embarrassment.

2. It is possible that you are not yet fully accustomed to living and interacting with your in-laws, which may result in an instinctive tendency to be polite and distant.

3. It is possible that your actual perception and impression of your in-laws is not as positive as you had hoped. While you feel that they are easygoing and kind to you, you also feel a certain level of discomfort, as though they were being nice to someone with a fierce appearance.

4. It is possible that you have always had a certain social phobia, and you are unsure of how to interact with unfamiliar people and situations.

One possible answer is as follows:

Simply be yourself and express your true feelings.

This can be addressed and resolved over time.

It would be beneficial to communicate with them more often in order to gain a better understanding of them.

In addition to the aforementioned points, it is essential to conduct an in-depth examination of one's own perspective, develop strategies for desensitization and adaptation, and ultimately, overcome these challenges.

Regarding the current feelings of guilt, if you feel uneasy about taking the initiative to care for them or buy them gifts because you feel it is more deliberate, it is acceptable to refrain from doing so. Your husband's assertion that parents do not desire such gifts and are indifferent to such matters is also valid. You can wait until you become accustomed to and adapt to them, and then you can "compensate" in a way that is appropriate and satisfactory for you.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can appreciate the dilemma you are facing, caught between two difficult options, wanting to express yourself but not knowing how. This is an internal conflict. Best regards, [Name]

As a psychotherapist, I will provide an overview of my understanding from a psychological perspective.

The growth and development of each individual is closely linked to their upbringing and the interactions they had with their parents and family of origin. In your description, you only mentioned your in-laws, but not a word about your parents. When you were in confinement, you saw your in-laws taking care of you, but what about your parents? Did you have any expectations?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there is an internal comparison being made, and whether this is a reenactment of your parents' relationship during your own growth. This is something that requires self-awareness, in order to identify your own character traits.

Please describe your own attachment relationship. Why do you not feel when you are being paid attention to, and why do you feel guilty?

Based on the information provided, I believe you may be an introvert with difficulty expressing yourself. It seems you may have a conflicted or avoidant attachment to your parents. However, this is only an assumption based on the limited information available. It appears you lack a sense of security and are hesitant to accept love, fearing it may be conditional or result in pain. This inner conflict manifests as a lack of love and fear of love, which leads you to close your heart and express your need for love. You appear to be accustomed to creating love independently, which provides a sense of security. However, you tend to be suspicious and uneasy about the love you receive from others.

Your husband is a valuable asset to your life. He has the potential to provide you with the stability and support you need to heal. By accepting love and expressing it boldly, you can recognize your own worth. It is important to understand that self-love is not contingent on external validation. It is beneficial to focus on nurturing your inner self while also providing care and attention to your child. This allows you to recognize your inner strength and resilience while also providing a nurturing environment for your child.

Once the conflict is identified, the contents of the subconscious mind can be accessed and a new model can be developed to replace the old one. I commend you on taking the first step towards self-growth. As a psychological counselor, I am prepared to utilize my expertise to support you. The world and I support you, and it is essential to learn to love yourself.

Dear questioner, From your description, it is evident that you experience feelings of guilt and self-blame due to your in-laws' benevolence, yet your inability to establish a close relationship with them. Furthermore, you perceive a sense of guilt when observing the proximity between your sister-in-law and your in-laws. Let us examine this matter in greater depth.

Is it a personal failing if one is unable to establish a close relationship with one's in-laws?

In the title, you indicated that your in-laws provide you and your children with care and support, and you expressed gratitude for this. However, in your daily interactions, you have been unable to develop a close relationship with them. Additionally, external observers have noted that you treat them with a level of formality typically reserved for guests.

In comparison to your sister-in-law, who adds WeChat and gives gifts, you feel even more inferior. This leads you to question whether you have done something wrong and to maintain your distance from them.

Indeed, each individual possesses a unique psychological distance when interacting with others. This distance allows for comfort and ease, and if it becomes too close, it can cause discomfort. The extent of this distance varies from person to person, provided that both parties feel at ease.

The same can be said of one's relationship with one's in-laws. As long as there is a positive and comfortable dynamic, this is an acceptable state of affairs.

One might inquire as to the means by which one might repay one's in-laws for their love.

Your sister-in-law is close to her in-laws, and she demonstrates her affection through the addition of her contact details to the WeChat platform and the presentation of gifts. However, you also exhibit your love through the demonstration of understanding and respect for your in-laws and the appreciation of their benevolent actions. It is evident that each individual expresses their love in a distinct manner. It is reasonable to assume that your in-laws are aware of the sincerity of your actions.

The optimal form of filial piety is the management of one's own family in a manner that is pleasing to one's parents.

My parents have consistently indicated that the greatest source of satisfaction for them is to observe their children and grandchildren thriving in their own households and leading fulfilling lives. Based on your account, it is evident that your in-laws are also individuals of notable kindness and simplicity. They demonstrate care and support for you and the infant, and they express hope for the well-being and happiness of your family.

It is recommended that you relinquish your burdens, cultivate your own happiness, and collaborate with your partner to ensure the smooth functioning of your family unit.

It is recommended that you express your feelings as much as possible, given your financial resources.

In the title, you indicated that you also intend to purchase gifts for your in-laws. However, given your husband's assertion that this is not necessary, you have not yet done so. It is, in fact, perfectly acceptable for you to make your own decision regarding how to express your gratitude to the elderly. You may choose to do so within your means by purchasing them a small gift or treating them to a nice meal.

Although your husband has indicated that he does not require such an action, if you proceed with it, he should not object. It is reasonable to assume that few men would decline their spouse's demonstration of affection towards their parents.

The aforementioned represents merely a fraction of the insights I am able to offer, and it is my sincere hope that they will prove beneficial to you.

Hello, question asker!

I have read your question very carefully, and I think I should congratulate you on having a baby and becoming a mother! What an exciting time for you!

You, the happy mother, have something even more amazing: your in-laws took care of you and your baby during the month after childbirth! Your husband even hinted that you should just relax and let them take care of you. You feel that your husband is also very good, so you are a very happy new mother!

Based on the above, I think that this little trouble you have come here to discuss can be called happy trouble! Perhaps the gods, seeing that you are already so happy, have decided to add a little bit of trouble to your happiness—and it's going to be a good kind of trouble!

Worries are just worries, and since they're here, we might as well face them head-on! So what should we do?

I'm so excited to share my views based on my personal experience!

First of all, I agree with your husband. Just relax and let them take care of you. Think about it: you just had a baby, which is such a happy event for your little family. For your extended family, that is, your in-laws, they are also very happy, so they are willing to do all this for you, without expecting anything in return. Isn't it true that the love between grandparents and grandchildren is so strong that it is impossible to resist? Maybe when they are taking care of the baby, they also take care of you a little. Let's just think about it this way, and let the baby bring you luck!

Next, it's about loving your in-laws! It's not just a one-time thing. You'll be spending a lot of time with them in the future, so it's important to start now. Take care of the baby and do as much as you can for them right now. When they need care in the future, we will do our best to take care of them too. You need to know that there is no such thing as someone who is not worth the effort. In the long run, there is really no rush to do anything right now, so enjoy this time with your in-laws!

Next, when dealing with your in-laws, just listen to your heart. Don't compare with others. I can tell that you are anxious because you heard that your husband's sister-in-law is the one who is anxious about the attitude of the in-laws. You have to know that your sister-in-law has been in the family for a long time, and besides, everyone's personality is different. You said you heard that, and you also mentioned the outsider over there. I don't know who they are referring to specifically, but I think we should focus on our own hearts and minds. If we always listen to others, we really won't know whether to go left or right sometimes. Besides, what we hear isn't always particularly true. So just set our hearts straight and be grateful. I think that's great!

Now it's time to focus on taking care of the baby! Once your confinement period is over, your in-laws will probably have other things to do and won't have as much time to take care of you. So in the future, you will have to focus your energy on taking care of the baby. As long as the baby is healthy and cute, and your little family is happy, then I think that is a way to repay your in-laws for their love! And when the baby grows up, buy your in-laws small gifts when you get together. These are all tokens of our appreciation. Just let your in-laws feel our gratitude for them. It's all about the heart!

I'm so excited for you! I just know that you're going to become happier and happier in the future. I'm also sure that your baby is going to be healthy and happy, and that your little family is going to be full of happiness!

The world and I love you so much!

Good morning, host. I am honored to answer your question. Based on the information you have provided, it is evident that your in-laws treated you with great respect and kindness following your marriage.

We have endeavored to assist you with the children, but you have consistently perceived your in-laws' interactions with you as polite but somewhat distant. It is unclear how long you have been married to your husband. I can discern that you are seeking to relax your guard and look forward to integrating into this pleasant family.

We treat others with politeness and courtesy, which serves as a clear indication of boundaries. From a psychoanalytic perspective, when communicating with others and not wanting them to enter your inner world, you will establish your boundaries in a clear manner. There are two ways to do this: one way is to express anger.

An alternative approach would be to politely decline.

For example, you once requested assistance from your husband in purchasing items for the family, but he declined. From the details provided, it is evident that your husband does not fully accept you. Emotionally, when someone is highly accepting of you, they will demonstrate a significant level of dependence on you.

Your husband's role is pivotal in facilitating your integration into this new family. It may be beneficial to express this sentiment to him. You could say, "I feel like more of a guest in this family. I want to integrate into this family and contribute to it. I hope my husband can create some opportunities for me to contribute to the family."

This also serves to reinforce your close relationship and emotional foundation.

The characteristics of the original family and personal character influence the nature of family relationships. Two main types of family relationships exist in today's society: the close-knit type, which is characterized by a high degree of interdependence between family members, and the loose type, which is defined by less defined boundaries between family members. When individuals interact with their families, they often perceive a harmonious and warm atmosphere.

It is possible that minor conflicts may also arise due to unclear boundaries.

Another type is the detached type, where there are clear boundaries between family members. Each family member is occupied with their own affairs and does not typically interact with each other. They only convene together to negotiate and communicate during major holidays and events. This model gives the impression that family relationships are relatively cold and rational among the members.

There are minimal instances of minor friction or conflict between family members. Both models are the result of the influence of family relationships on intergenerational inheritance.

There is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong. Regardless of the type of family the husband and wife come from, as long as they have common goals and work towards them, they will be able to achieve a happy and successful family.

I am pleased to announce the release of Date 1983. We extend our gratitude to the world and express our appreciation for your continued support.

Good day, To whom it may concern,

From your description, it appears that you desire to maintain a certain distance from your in-laws, or that you are unable to treat them with the same sincerity and honesty as your own family. Despite the fact that your husband's parents are kind to you and often provide you with assistance, you still feel this way. It is my personal opinion that you feel this way because you wish to avoid becoming overly involved with them or engaging in excessive conversation. Getting too involved can result in blurred boundaries and may also lead to conflicts in the relationship. Even if your in-laws provide you with a great deal of support, you cannot allow yourself to become emotionally vulnerable or to lower your defense mechanism. This can lead to feelings of fear of being hurt, controlled, blamed, and so on.

The following are potential solutions to this issue:

[1] One can become aware of the reasons for maintaining a certain distance.

It may be challenging to identify the underlying reasons for these behaviors. In such cases, seeking external assistance, such as professional counseling, can be beneficial. Through counseling, individuals can gain insight into their subconscious thoughts, needs, and fears, which can inform necessary adjustments.

[2] It is sufficient to maintain an appropriate sense of boundaries.

As an illustration, if one wishes to diminish feelings of self-blame and guilt, it is possible to purchase a gift for the in-laws of one's spouse as a gesture of gratitude. It is not necessary to seek permission from one's spouse to do so; however, it is important to communicate to one's spouse that regardless of whose parents have made sacrifices for one, it is essential to cultivate gratitude, particularly given the establishment of a family unit. As individuals within a family, it is our responsibility to reciprocate the sacrifices made by our biological families.

[3] True love is characterized by action and purpose.

[3] True love is characterized by action and purpose.

From the information provided, it is plausible that the actions of your in-laws towards you are an expression of their affection for your children. It is also possible that these actions are a reflection of their inherent character or the manner in which they interact with others, which may be characterised by kindness. While these factors are not the focus of this discussion, if we perceive these actions as an act of kindness, it may lead to an increase in our own sense of happiness and love.

[4] There is no obligation to alter one's behavior.

It is important to recognise that individuals live and educate their children in different ways. Consequently, there is no obligation to force oneself to treat one's loved ones in a manner that is inconsistent with one's own values. This approach may appear to be more hypocritical than sincere. However, if relationships are viewed rationally and appropriate boundaries are maintained, conflicts are likely to be fewer. As long as one is able to manage one's marriage effectively within one's own family, the rewards of a happy and fulfilling family life can be reaped.

It is, however, unfeasible for everyone to treat other people's parents as their own parents. This is also a normal phenomenon. Given that we spend the majority of our time with our family, it is challenging to form close relationships with others. As long as we maintain reasonable boundaries, there are no conflicts or problems, and we work together harmoniously to run the family well and get along harmoniously, then we can also reap the rewards of a happier life.

The preceding represents my personal opinion, and it is my hope that it will prove useful to others.

The preceding represents my personal opinion, and it is my hope that it will prove useful to others.

Greetings. My name is Look.

In ancient China, filial piety was the paramount virtue, and it was considered the natural order for a daughter-in-law to serve her parents-in-law. In the modern era, however, the law stipulates that a daughter-in-law is not obliged to support her parents-in-law. Furthermore, a daughter-in-law and her parents-in-law are not family members, and thus, conflicts are inevitable when they reside together.

The questioner described the following: "I have been informed that my husband's sister-in-law frequently contacts my parents-in-law via WeChat and frequently purchases items for them. I experience a profound sense of guilt and powerlessness."

Indeed, there is no inherent problem with the way you interact with your in-laws. Maintaining a certain distance or being polite is a typical response. However, there is a discrepancy between the way your sister-in-law interacts with them, which has led to a sense of comparison.

⭕️Comparative psychology

The phenomenon of comparison can manifest in various forms, including a comparison between one's past and present, a comparison between oneself and others, or a comparison between one's actual reality and an idealized version of oneself. Regardless of the specific form it takes, the act of comparison inevitably creates a psychological gap.

My husband has stated that

"I have proposed purchasing a gift for my parents, but my husband consistently asserts that they require no such gesture."

It is possible that your husband is saying this to avoid placing pressure on you. However, it is important to note that the more he says it, the more it may increase your sense of self-blame. As previously mentioned, the daughter-in-law and the parents-in-law are not originally one family. The relationship between the two follows the general interpersonal relationship of reciprocity, which has been the rule since ancient times.

The following methods are recommended for your consideration:

It is imperative to gain an accurate understanding of oneself.

It is important to recognise that everyone is an individual with their own unique way of interacting, perceptions and values.

It is important to be aware of one's own strengths.

Comparative psychology can result in feelings of self-reproach, depression, anxiety, and even fear within an individual. There is no necessity to engage in comparisons with others; each individual possesses unique strengths and advantages.

The act of accepting oneself is a crucial aspect of self-esteem.

It is not necessary to change all shortcomings. The key to measuring a person's value is the ability to leverage their strengths effectively. In the event that in-laws treat you well, it is possible to repay them in a manner that is appropriate to the situation. Reciprocity is a matter of courtesy.

It is important to recognize one's own strengths and abilities. I am confident in my abilities and recognize my own value. Best regards,