My lover says he doesn't want to keep me waiting and wants me to find a wife quickly. What should I do?

Hello. I can tell from your question that you're going through a lot right now. You've spent a lot of time with this girl, and you've found comfort and understanding in each other. It's only natural to have feelings.

Even if you want to end it rationally, it's impossible to be emotionless. How can you easily accept the loss of a lover you spend every waking moment with?

Let me look at your problems now.

She doesn't want a divorce, thinks it will hold you back, and is pushing you to find a wife.

You've been dating for a while, but she already has a family and isn't willing to get a divorce. It's clear you're destined to be apart and stuck in a "guerrilla war."

She wants you to find a wife and break up with her because you're getting older.

This means that the benefits and values her husband and her family bring to her outweigh those you bring to her. She is not willing to give up what she already has for you.

Her husband is probably very busy and unable to give her the companionship she needs. And since she is already married, she cannot find the sweet warmth of love in her marriage, which is irritating. So she has a lover while she is already married, which is you.

Let me be clear: marriage is not the same as love. It involves facing more financial pressures and trivial matters, which can make it more realistic and boring.

So even if she chooses to divorce her husband and run into your arms, she will continue to love you and enter into marriage again.

Let me be clear: can someone like her be trusted? History shows us that people who choose to betray their marriage are very likely to cheat again the next time they get married.

You wouldn't choose someone like this to be your other half.

This woman's solution to feeling deprived and uninteresting in her marriage is not to enrich herself or communicate with her husband to solve the problem. Instead, she chooses to solve the problem in a way that hurts all three people, which is very painful.

This has violated the marriage protection law. Her husband is the most pitiful person here, and you are the second most pitiful.

2. She knows the relationship between you two has to end, otherwise the truth will come out, and she still treats you like a boyfriend, confides in you about her stomach ache, and video chats with you.

She needs emotional support, and she knows full well that you still have an emotional foundation for her.

You can talk about these things with your best friend, lover, or husband. If you are feeling bad, you can see a doctor or find someone to comfort you.

She still chooses you. It's a habit. The relationship is more attractive. She's taking advantage of your kindness and warmth.

Your reluctance and love are her justification for staying in this relationship, even though she knows it's wrong.

You need to realize the mistake in this relationship and stop jumping into the fire pit. Sadness will come and go.

It might be challenging to let go of the current relationship, the physical intimacy, the freedom to come and go as you please, the satisfaction and lack of restraint, and the natural attachment.

She is simply a source of enjoyment, and ultimately, she has to return to her family. She has no claim to be your wife.

Ultimately, you are only a substitute for hunger, and it seems you have no intention of marrying her.

It seems that you both agree to enjoy the moment, whether it's real or illusory affection, possible consolation, or something else. However, it's possible that you both feel there's no possibility of development, no future plans, and no expectation of more giving or taking. At least, that's how it seems from your expressions.

"Not being able to let go" is just a temporary desire and need. If she says she doesn't want to hold you back and tells you to marry her quickly, you might worry about "not being able to let go." I don't mean to belittle the relationship between you two, but before making a clear commitment and asking for more, for a woman who gives you joy and warmth, it might be helpful to consider her real-life needs, so that she doesn't feel difficult or hurt.

You are both adults, and you understand the difference between the process and the result, whether tacitly or knowingly. Regardless of whether she means "enough" or not, it's clear that your appetites are different.

Perhaps it would be best to accept when she wants to end the feast and not ask if she still wants to eat or continue. After all, you have your "main course," and she only the "appetizer" or "dessert."

I hope you find happiness in your future endeavors.

Hello.

From your question, I can see that you and this lover have some emotional problems. This lover is merely pinning her hopes on you and is not willing to take responsibility for you or the relationship. She wants you to find a wife because she wants to enjoy the pleasure that this relationship brings her without taking responsibility for it. You also have feelings for this lover, but this state of affairs will lead to conflicts and problems.

My advice is this:

(1) Accept the relationship, even if it doesn't work out.

When we enter a relationship, there is always someone like this. We have such an intimate relationship with the other person, but on the other hand, we must also want to possess the other person and hope for a result. However, the other person already has a family and responsibilities, so she is not likely to give up her marriage and family. This kind of price and result is because he cannot bear it, so he will always choose to stay in this kind of relationship with you. We can and should judge whether we can accept this emotional state if the relationship does not have a result.

(2) Such a result will undoubtedly lead to some unpredictable conflicts and consequences.

The lover's family may not know about this, but if they do, it will affect your relationship. You also hope to know that this relationship may not have a happy ending. You can solve trouble and conflicts without emotional consequences.

(3) We have other options apart from this relationship.

We must recognize that our current approach of prioritizing past experiences over new relationships may not be the most optimal. While there may be a desire for certain needs to be fulfilled by another person, these needs may not be sustainable in the long run. Ultimately, we must acknowledge the potential pain and challenges that come with ending a relationship, including feelings of anxiety and heartache. It's crucial to explore other options and pursue relationships that offer tangible outcomes.

(4) Think for yourself and take responsibility for yourself.

You say the other person doesn't want to take responsibility for the relationship. That's not true. They're considering themselves, just like you are. They want the happiness that family and marriage can bring, but they also want the passion and love of infidelity. This situation is beneficial to them. You need to learn to think for yourself. See what you want in your current state. If you can't satisfy your feelings or results, you can choose to leave. You'll be responsible for yourself and your life.

Best wishes.

Hello, question asker! From your account, I can tell you're feeling a bit reluctant and confused about this relationship.

It's true that everyone has a different perspective on what they should do in any given situation. And when we're faced with a problem, we often have to make a choice that we might not want to make but that we have to make anyway. This is where we can feel stuck, because it's not the choice itself that's the problem, but our reluctance to face it or our inability to accept the consequences of our choice.

From what you said at the end, it seems like you really want to keep things together with her and are really interested in what she's thinking of you right now. I don't know much about you two and your past experiences, which might be related to why you like this person.

In any case, there must be something about her that satisfies that part of you that is empty or yearning. Of course, objectively speaking, it may be that the qualities that attract you are really present in your lover, or it may just be a projection on your part. Either way, it's totally normal!

From what you've told me, it seems like you two chat online quite a bit. I'm not sure how often you get to meet in person, but what I want to say is that when you spend more time together online, it can be harder to see her for who she really is. If you fit the situation I've described, you can think about it yourself. What are your feelings for her? What do you like about her? Are those characteristics really what you see and feel during actual contact and communication?

Or is it just how you feel or how you think she is? I'm here to listen if you want to talk more about it.

Finally, I'll look at it from her point of view, which I know you're also interested in. I'm not sure if you've talked about her family situation or if she has children.

I'm sure you're wondering how her relationship with her husband is going. When two people have been together for a long time and their relationship has entered a period of stagnation, and the passion of their love is gone, when they encounter specific problems and conflicts in real life, I believe that most couples will have more or less such conflicts.

When such emotions accumulate to a certain extent, different people will deal with them in different ways. Some people may turn to other people to try to escape the conflict or distract themselves. This may also be the reason why some extramarital affairs occur.

If you're seriously thinking about getting a divorce and starting a new family, it can be a big decision. There might be good reasons to do it, but it's not something most people would choose lightly. And if you enjoy the emotional satisfaction of an affair while your marriage remains unaffected, that could be a good way to make the most of your situation.

Of course, this is only a guess, and the real situation might be different.

I really hope this has given you some inspiration! You can also take some time to calm down and think about what you really want this relationship to look like. Are you happy with how things are right now?

It's so important to ask yourself these questions. Do you want to truly come together with the other person? And will the other person accept your idea?

I'm sure you'll be able to work out what you really want if you think about this series of questions. And if you're prepared to accept some comments from your surroundings and society, you'll be able to come up with the answer.

Wishing you all the best!

Greetings, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

I would like to express my gratitude for your trust in this platform and for allowing me to respond to your question. You have stated that your lover has informed you that she does not wish to wait any longer and has advised you to seek a wife. I have carefully read your account and can empathise with the distress you are currently experiencing. I would like to offer you a supportive gesture and together we will consider the best course of action.

1. Lover Relationship

1. Lover

The individual in question states, "My partner indicates that she does not wish to be kept waiting and desires that I locate a spouse without delay. What is the appropriate course of action?"

This presents a challenging decision.

The individual in question has formed a romantic attachment to a married woman. Based on the description provided, it appears that the married woman is also interested in the individual and has needs that go beyond the boundaries of her current relationship. Despite the individual's desire to pursue a different relationship, the married woman has expressed her intention to support the individual's autonomy and has indicated that she is open to the possibility of the individual forming a new relationship. However, her actions suggest that she still harbors feelings for the individual.

Thus, the individual in question is experiencing a sense of hesitancy and an aversion to the prospect of terminating the relationship and the associated emotional bonds. This represents a significant challenge.

The question pertains to the nature of emotional needs and dependence.

The level of emotional involvement

The individual in question has invested a significant amount of emotional capital in the relationship and is reluctant to disengage, given the perceived difficulty of dissolving a romantic partnership, particularly when the dissolution is initiated by the partner.

Secondly, there is the issue of interaction.

You stated that the other individual has a family and recently returned to their hometown for the New Year. They informed you of this again today. You are unable to cease your involvement with this person, as you have feelings for them and believe they should have feelings for you as well. You desire to maintain the status of boyfriend and girlfriend. During this period, you will send WeChat messages daily and she will send you a brief video daily. You will video chat when possible. When she is unwell, she will inform you, and today she told you that her stomach hurts, and you spoke with her for an hour via video.

It is not possible to cease this relationship.

Despite her directive to hasten the process of finding a wife, you perceive her to be your girlfriend and to hold affection for you. You both have feelings for each other, and you are reluctant to terminate this relationship because you love each other.

When she has something on her mind, she considers you and engages in video chat for approximately an hour. These factors contribute to the difficulty of letting go.

The nature of the interaction is as follows:

You indicate that you have been engaged in frequent interaction with her, including sending WeChat messages on a daily basis, capturing brief videos of your daily activities, and engaging in video chat. Additionally, she has sought your assistance on numerous occasions when she was experiencing physical discomfort. This level of interaction is typical for you both, and you find it enjoyable.

Such interactions lead one to perceive a need for one's partner.

3. The Problem

You have stated that you are seeking advice on how to maintain a positive relationship with your partner, despite her apparent desire to end the relationship and your own feelings of attachment.

It would be beneficial to ascertain her perspective on the matter.

Given her recent request for you to find a girlfriend, it seems likely that she intends to terminate the relationship. Regardless of her stated reasons, it is possible that she has her own ideas about the future, just as you have your own. It is also possible that she wants to end the relationship.

This presents a significant challenge.

You believe she harbors feelings of affection for you and have provided numerous instances to substantiate this assertion. You hypothesize that despite her outward displays of indifference, she may still retain a degree of attachment to you emotionally. Additionally, you express a desire to maintain a cordial relationship with her and preserve the bond you share. You seek counsel from others on how to navigate this complex situation.

2. The reason for one's inability to let go

1. Mutual Affection

It is plausible that the affection is mutual, as previously stated.

You profess to love her.

You have indicated that you have feelings of affection for her and that you are able to meet her needs at any time. If you did not possess such feelings, it would be impossible for you to do everything she wants and to create videos for her in which you converse for an hour about nothing.

This provides evidence that you care about her.

It is evident that she requires your support and assistance.

The most compelling evidence is that when she is unwell, she seeks out your support and does not turn to her husband.

One further question must be asked: does the woman's husband reside in the same city as her? If they do, it may be surmised that when she encounters difficulties, she does think of you first. This would indicate that she has a sense of trust in you.

The outcome may vary depending on whether the two individuals reside in the same city.

Secondly, she has assumed unilateral responsibility for you.

Excuse me,

If her statement is indeed an excuse, it is nevertheless an assumption on her part that you are responsible for the situation and that she wants to end the relationship. If this is the case, you must reject it. You do not want to separate from her, you believe there is love between you, and you hope that you can continue the relationship.

You are not inclined to terminate the relationship.

It is imperative to ascertain the veracity of these sentiments.

Conversely, she likely perceives her continued involvement with you as a lover as a transgression. Given her familial responsibilities and the incompatibility of her relationship with your family's values, she views her actions as morally questionable. Furthermore, she is cognizant of her tendency to exploit your emotional investment in her, seeking solace and assistance. This exploitation is unjust to you, particularly given your profound romantic attachment, and may impede your future prospects and personal growth.

Consequently, she is obliged to make a decision that will enable you to disengage and encourage you to seek a romantic partner as soon as possible, thus facilitating your departure from this current, uncomfortable situation.

Nevertheless, this decision is ultimately an act of unilateral wishful thinking, as evidenced by the fact that, in your heart, you have long since treated her as your girlfriend. Consequently, you are reluctant to let go of this relationship.

3⃣ Misconceptions

A view of marriage represents a fundamental comprehension and disposition toward matters pertaining to matrimony. It constitutes a vital element of an individual's overall outlook on life.

A correct view of marriage emphasizes that marriage must be based on love, adhere to the principle of the voluntary consent of the parties involved, and abide by a moral bottom line.

A correct perspective on marriage entails assuming responsibility for one's own marriage and that of others. Marriage entails a sense of responsibility, commitment, and competence.

Responsibility

From the perspective of marriage, your desire to maintain this relationship as lovers indicates that you have not yet developed a comprehensive understanding of the responsibilities associated with marriage. This lack of understanding may be the reason behind your insistence on maintaining the relationship.

It is possible that the other person has already recognized the issue and has therefore offered to assist you in finding a romantic partner and taking responsibility for your own actions. It is evident that you lack the requisite awareness in this regard.

It is imperative to assume responsibility.

A marriage founded on love is the only morally justifiable form of marriage. Before a couple can become husband and wife and form a family, they must possess a profound mutual understanding, a shared ideological foundation, mutual respect, mutual responsibility, and a common interest in each other.

Nevertheless, it is not possible to assume the rights, obligations, and responsibilities that have been conferred upon you by the other party, given that you are not married. Your insistence is unprincipled because you lack an understanding of the true meaning of marriage.

3. Recommendations for Action

1. Develop an accurate understanding of marriage.

It is imperative to recognize that marriage is a serious undertaking that requires a foundation of mutual respect, trust, care, responsibility, commitment, and the capacity to cope.

It is imperative to clarify the nature of the relationship.

If one wishes to continue loving one's lover, it is imperative that the other party make a decision regarding their relationship. This decision may entail either ending the previous marriage and beginning a relationship with the individual in question, or ending the relationship between the two parties. It is of the utmost importance that the nature of the relationship be made clear, as failure to do so may result in legal ramifications and emotional distress for all parties involved.

When one makes a decision, one makes a decision.

Failure to make a decision will inevitably result in chaos. It is imperative to terminate an unsuitable relationship without delay and to avoid further losses when one is already in a relationship. Additionally, it is crucial to develop effective strategies for managing one's romantic life.

Even if marriage is a future goal, it is essential to adopt a sound business philosophy. It is necessary to be decisive about what is not suitable for marriage in order to ensure a favorable outcome.

Secondly, one must decide according to their heart.

The decision of the other person

In matters of the heart, there is no objective right or wrong; only subjective experiences. The key is to understand one's own feelings and make decisions based on them.

As previously stated, the other individual must make a decision regarding the future of their relationship. Only after this has occurred can both parties begin anew.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make.

It is also necessary for you to sort out your feelings, to provide a careful summary, and to ascertain whether the relationship between you is primarily based on love or on compassion.

One must inquire of oneself.

One must inquire of oneself what it is that one truly loves about the other person. Furthermore, one must consider what this love signifies to oneself.

In the event that continuing the relationship is no longer a viable option, it is essential to consider the potential consequences for the individual in question.

It is recommended that you follow your heart.

Once these questions have been posed and answered, the individual will be able to ascertain their true inner needs and evaluate their capacity to assume the requisite responsibilities and meet the emotional needs of themselves and others.

Once an individual has a clear understanding of their own inner needs, they can make an informed decision about the future of their relationship and whether it aligns with their heart's desires.

The issue at hand is that the individual in question is uncertain about their needs and the means of satisfying them. A thoughtful reflection on this matter should yield the desired insight.

In conclusion, I extend my best wishes to the individual who posed the question.

The innocent and somewhat humble questioner says hello!

A warm hug, the feeling of being accompanied day and night, the feeling of being completely surrounded—it's so wonderful, you're reluctant to let go! The sweetness you've experienced makes you even more excited about experiencing separation and being abandoned.

It's hard to feel alone in the world, so this kind of unspoken relationship is better than nothing. And it's a bit hard to bear, but it's so exciting to expose the lie of this "new clothes for the emperor"!

[Is it wine or poison?]

From your description, I see a young woman who is lonely and neglected by her husband, and has found a young boy who craves recognition to pour out his heart to. The young boy thinks he has saved Snow White from suffering, and is complacent with the dependence and attention he receives. But is that really love? The questioner just wants to maintain the status of the previous boyfriend and girlfriend, and doesn't mind at all that another man is sharing your beloved woman in a legitimate way. It is likely that the usual communication is limited to this kind of "when it's convenient" and also video.

Is your obsession with this "hard-won" relationship blinding you a little?

[The essence of infidelity is a lack of security]

In the book "Parenting Your Inner Child," Cong Fei, a teacher, proposes several psychological needs of people, namely a sense of security, a sense of worth, a sense of freedom, a sense of meaning, and a sense of intimacy. You feel very close to your partner when you are together. Let's take a look at the nature of intimacy!

Seeing, being there for, understanding, responding, paying attention, valuing, respecting, recognizing, accepting, supporting, etc. are all expressions of intimacy. And they're all amazing! But what is behind the feeling of intimacy?

Intimacy is a way of satisfying one's sense of lack. And it's a wonderful thing! Intimacy is about merging, about wanting to become a better person through other people.

Intimacy is idealization. You are stronger than me, and you can help me if you are stronger than me.

Your companionship, understanding, responsiveness, and attention have allowed your lover to find the intimacy she lacks in her marriage. What do you think is the reason why your lover chose to cheat and seek intimacy outside of marriage?

In the book "The Power of Empathy," the author makes a bold and intriguing proposal: the essence of cheating is a reaction to a lack of security. Cheating is a way of obtaining more benefits, such as sex and emotional satisfaction, in order to prove one's sense of existence and satisfy one's need for "narcissism," so that one can always be in a state of self-satisfaction. For this relationship, you and your lover are both giving "unworldly" love, but what about the responsibilities involved in real life? For example, how do you face your lover's husband, how do you announce the relationship to the public, and how do you work together to create a home of your own, buy a house and a car, raise a child, and take care of the child? How can this be considered love without touching on these real-life issues?

[Healthy narcissism]

I'm excited to share that the questioner may have noticed a fascinating similarity between this pattern and the mother-child relationship. In the book "Raising the Child Within You," Cong Fei offers a unique perspective on the mother-child relationship from the teacher's point of view.

A mother-and-child relationship is a wonderful form of relationship in which one party expresses needs and the other party provides love to satisfy those needs. When you put yourself in the position of a baby who needs to be fed in a timely manner, then you put the other party in the position of a mother—and what could be more fulfilling than that?

You start to play the role of the baby, responsible for expressing your needs, while your lover starts to play the role of the mother, responsible for giving love and satisfying you. Therefore, the relationship you are in at the moment is called a mother-and-child relationship—and it's a wonderful thing!

Does your lover share their daily experiences with you and complain and pout with you, making you feel like an all-powerful mother? Absolutely! And being needed, relied on, and noticed instantly boosts your sense of worth and meaning.

This is the truth that makes you addicted to this relationship! This is the truth that makes you willing to maintain a relationship with your lover!

This kind of relationship can satisfy your inner needs in a way that nothing else can!

[Nurture yourself]

A person's sense of value is always defined by themselves. Once you can see the nature of the relationship and your own true inner needs, you'll be ready to take the next step! Instead of asking, "How can I continue with my lover?" you'll want to raise yourself, be your own parents, and accompany yourself as you grow up again. And there are three simple criteria for growing up: 1. Face reality head-on.

2. Find meaning! 3. Be flexible!

I remember reading a quote a long time ago that said something really interesting. It said that whether you are a man or a woman, you must grow up through love. The value of this relationship is that it allows you to see your inner self, to start thinking, to start pursuing, to start feeling the vitality of life, and to start touching the unhealed wounds within you. Apart from this incident, I think the questioner still faces many challenges in real life. But will this relationship make you feel like an idyllic experience?

I'm so grateful you've taken the courageous step of coming to the Yi Xinli platform and using the help of psychology to sort out your thoughts. This matter is just a symptom you can see. There are probably lots of forgotten complexes in your heart just waiting to be explored! I highly recommend you go to a counseling room as soon as possible, with the help of a professional and a long-term stable counseling relationship, to become your true self and have a fairer and sweeter love.

I'm Zhang Huili, the Sunshine Dolphin! I really hope my answer helps you, and I really hope you find your true love soon after you get out of your lost state.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

Given the other person's family situation, it's understandable that the questioner was drawn to them. It's likely that the other person has their own positive qualities and strengths that the questioner found appealing. The questioner didn't mention how the relationship began, but from the description, it seems that the other person is seeking to end things.

Given the circumstances, it's understandable that the other person has a family and needs to prioritize their own relationship and family. It's also understandable that, given the nature of this relationship, there's a need to hide what's going on. It's natural to be uneasy when one's partner finds out about it.

Perhaps there is an imbalance in status.

Perhaps it is enough love that makes the question owner willing to protect her even when the other person has a family. In this triangular relationship, it is actually unfair to everyone. It is possible that the other person's partner was kept in the dark and betrayed. After finding out, it is understandable that the questioner would feel angry and sad.

It seems that the questioner and the other person are unable to share the sweetness and happiness of their relationship with others. It may also be the case that they are unable to talk about all the things they do together. It is possible that the people around them are unable to accept this relationship between the questioner and the other person. In this relationship, the questioner seems to be relatively passive, which may place them in an unequal position with the other person.

It would be beneficial to gain insight into the attitude of the other party.

It's possible that the other person's urging the questioner to find a wife quickly and not wanting to delay the questioner may be a reason. If she was afraid of delaying things, it's likely that she would not have started with the questioner in the first place when she already had a family. If she really loved the questioner, it's probable that she would have dealt with her own feelings and then gone out in the open with the questioner.

During the time you spent together, she might have considered trying to fight for the relationship. However, she has now informed you that she does not want to delay things. This sentence also suggests that she is not keen on continuing the relationship and that she is reluctant to give up her family and everything for you.

Perhaps it would be wise to reconsider your position to avoid any potential losses.

Given that she is accustomed to being with the questioner, it seems likely that after expressing her attitude to the questioner, the other party will continue to interact with the questioner as before. It is difficult to ascertain whether her reluctance to let go of the questioner is merely a matter of habit, or if there are other factors at play. It is possible that at some point, she may suddenly stop contacting the questioner altogether, leaving the questioner in a state of limbo, caught between the desire to gain and the fear of losing.

Perhaps it would be best to consider that this relationship may not have been the best choice from the beginning. If you feel you can, it might be helpful to end the relationship before it's too late, so that you don't continue to invest too much in it. However, the relationship is your own, and you have the right to choose, as long as you don't regret it.

Communication: It's possible that the questioner is having difficulty accepting that the other person may not want to continue the relationship because they are unwilling to give up on their own efforts. It might be helpful for the questioner to arrange a time to have a constructive conversation with the other person to gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts and feelings about the relationship. If the other person is ready to move on, being open about their decision could help the questioner to accept the situation and move forward.

It might be helpful to consider that both the questioner and the other person are aware that this relationship may not be sustainable. It's possible that you initially thought you could have it for a while, but it's important to recognize that possessiveness can take over after you have it, leading to a desire for more.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider the possibility that the other person may be reluctant to give up their family. If her partner were to discover this later on and she was still unwilling to consider other options, it could potentially lead to challenges for the questioner. If the questioner is able to accept this possibility and recognize that the other person may choose to end the relationship at any time, it might be helpful to directly communicate their thoughts to the other person.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you well.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I extend my support to you.

I believe your lover has a family.

She did not wish to cause distress to her family, so she initiated the breakup.

You may wish to consider this matter further.

What would be the result of accompanying your partner?

Given that she already has a family, it is reasonable to conclude that she is family-oriented.

From the information available, it can be seen that the lover is a very responsible person.

Despite her encouragement to find a wife, she does not intend to impede your progress.

Given the lack of potential outcome from the relationship, it is advisable to accept her decision to end it.

I am aware that you are devoted to her, but that does not necessarily mean that you will accept her proposal to terminate the relationship without further discussion.

This process will require an investment of time.

It would be advisable to thank your lover for her honesty and to avoid getting hurt. She feels that you deserve the love of another woman.

It is understandable that you may not be in a position to accept letting go of this relationship with your lover at this time.

You may also choose to compose a formal letter of farewell, with no restrictions on the number of words or length.

Additionally, the "empty chair technique" can be employed.

The "empty chair technique" involves sitting in one chair and imagining your partner sitting in the other, empty chair. This allows you to articulate your feelings and thoughts, including any reluctance to move on.

Often, once the matter has been fully expressed, the decision will be made.

If you are unsure how to utilise the aforementioned "empty chair technique", it is advised that you seek the guidance of a qualified professional.

It would be prudent to exercise caution and refrain from investing too much of yourself in a relationship until you have a comprehensive understanding of your partner.

This will prevent any subsequent distress when the truth is revealed.

I hope the issue you are experiencing can be resolved promptly.

At this time, I can only suggest these possibilities.

I hope my above response is both helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.

Hello there, dear question asker!

Putting aside your identity model, I see someone who is afraid of being separated, who has a lot of reluctance and expectations in relationships, or who has gained the emotional value you want in this relationship.

Take a moment to think about what state you're in with this person, what kind of relationship state makes you feel particularly comfortable, what you're particularly willing to give, and what you're particularly looking forward to. This will help you understand your own attachment pattern better.

Attachment is a long-lasting emotional bond between two people. It's that special, strong emotional relationship between an infant and its mother.

There are four common attachment patterns.

02.

The first is what we call a secure attachment pattern.

This is the attachment pattern of most people, and it's a wonderful thing!

The child and mother are very close and when they are apart, the child looks for its mother. When they are together again, the sadness and unease are gone.

In this attachment mode, parents can really pay close attention to their little ones' needs, take the best care of them, and keep a more calm and steady attitude.

At the same time, the child can clearly feel that their parents can see them, understand them, and accept them, and they feel secure inside.

Even if they have to say goodbye to their parents, they can still control their emotions after crying for a little while and adjust to the situation.

But the good news is that parents can absolutely instill this sense of trust in their children!

"It's okay, don't worry, my parents will be back soon."

03.

The second type is what we call the ambivalent attachment pattern.

When parents have to leave their little ones, the children will often show stronger rebellious behavior, crying and screaming, and their sadness will be very intense.

Some parents' emotions can be a bit unpredictable. When they're in a good mood, they might give a sweet treat like candy. But when they're feeling a bit grumpy, they might give a little slap.

Over time, this can make a child feel a bit lost, confused about why their parents' attitudes change so much, and unsure of how to please them.

Children who grow up in this kind of environment may also have a lot of ups and downs in their emotions.

It's so sad to see this happen to children who are left behind. They do everything they can to stop their parents from leaving. They stop traffic, break free from their grandparents' grasp, and use every ounce of strength to beg their parents not to leave.

The poor little guy knows that once his parents leave, they won't be back for a whole year or more. That painful feeling of separation anxiety makes him desperately want to stop his parents from leaving.

But when they know their parents are coming back for the New Year or other holidays, they change completely. They become a bit spoiled and want to win their parents' attention. At the same time, they are very worried about their parents' next departure.

"If I cry and scream, maybe they won't leave."

04.

The third type is called avoidant attachment.

When separated from their mommies, children in this attachment pattern act like they're not bothered by it at all. They don't get upset or make a fuss.

These sweet little ones show very little attachment behavior. They also engage in exploratory behavior, but it's just repeating meaningless actions rather than genuine interest.

It's so easy for parents to get caught up in work and forget to pay attention to their little ones. Over time, children will naturally start to avoid their parents, stop expressing their needs, become indifferent to those around them, and lose hope.

This "avoidance" is actually a way for the child to protect themselves from feeling too sad or upset.

"If I just forget about my sadness, I won't feel it."

05.

The fourth type is the disturbed (chaotic) attachment pattern.

It's so sad when children with attachment disorders have mixed emotions when they are separated from their parents. They show reluctance to part, but on the other hand, they are "on their guard" against their parents.

The poor little thing knows that the parent they cling to is the very one who persecutes them.

They want to give their parents a big hug, but then they're too shy to go through with it. Even if they're hurt, they'll cover their mouths to keep from crying out.

It might seem like the child's behavior is a bit unusual, but it's often actually caused by the parents' own emotional or behavioral issues.

It's so sad when parents don't care about their children. They're always scolding and beating them, and it causes the children to suffer.

"It seems like they don't love me very much."

06.

These four attachment patterns differ in terms of how the caregiver feels and acts.

It's so interesting how different attachment relationships reflect different internal working models! These can affect how our emotions, behaviors, personalities, and even our cognitive abilities like attention and memory develop.

Of course, people's attachment patterns are not set in stone.

As you grow and change, your attachment patterns will also change as you interact with different people.

If you're lucky enough to have a relatively stable, stress-free environment as you grow up, your original insecure attachment might just transform into a secure one!

Attachment patterns originate from the relationship between the primary caregiver and you, and they also show up in your romantic relationships. So, if you can understand your own attachment patterns, your mind will grow in a really positive way!

Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner, I hope my response helps.

The Spring Festival is a time for family reunions. Returning home, you can relax with your family and gather strength to move forward. Friends miss you and may feel guilty or unable to bear the thought of you being alone.

I'm sure you'll be moved to hear this. Spending time with your loved one during the family reunions is wonderful.

You're an adult. You know what the consequences will be. You just want her to make you feel loved, right?

If you have a new choice, will the other person give up? You have the final say.

Women face many constraints when they remarry. You must have considered this. Ask yourself what happened in the past. Many adults spend their whole lives searching for love because they were not treated properly as children.

Love is wonderful, but marriage involves responsibilities like caring for your parents and raising children.

Many couples in Chinese families cannot get along, causing pain and complicated relationships. The divorce rate is high. I'm sure that by then, the pain will not be yours alone, but of both families.

Marriage needs to be nurtured. Both individuals are independent. If your relationship causes pain to others, think carefully. You have many options. Tell your partner your true thoughts.

If you love him and he loves you, get rid of the obstacles. A quick decision is good for both of you. You want to find happiness. You want to create a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, whether or not the other person loves you.

We can make everyone happy with our choices.

Good luck.

Dear Question Asker,

As a practitioner of healing, I would like to extend a gesture of comfort and support. The individual in question has indicated a desire to proceed expeditiously, suggesting that I locate a suitable partner.

Every narrative is underpinned by an unspoken truth, and every truth is a reason to support one another. From an objective perspective, the psychology of a romantic partner cannot exist without the other person, precisely because the presence of the other person fills the emotional void and lack of genuine feelings. The desire not to delay is both a superficial expression and a genuine test of one's actions. During our academic years, we often idealised the school beauty. You are highly competent, but unfortunately, not suitable. Firstly, I am concerned about the impact of delaying my studies. Secondly, I do not want to interact with you because I lack the emotional capacity. Is there a parallel here? We are accustomed to listening to sounds, but often confused by appearances. This kind of unclear and inexplicable relationship is not a significant issue for you, but for her with a family, it is only a matter of time before the truth emerges. It may already be known. At a deeper level, she desires a positive sense of belonging because the information you have provided is limited, so she only interprets and analyses the information you have shared.

A woman with a family is more cautious about this issue, not to mention whether or not there are children, whether the husband of the other party knows, and whether she truly desires to start a family with you. Her true wish is to establish a family unit with you. Love is an inherently selfish and possessive motive for action, as we are emotionally charged, especially towards our romantic partners. There is no such thing as love without reason, nor is there such a thing as hate without reason. The other party has a family, and recently returned to their hometown for the New Year. Today, they informed me of this again, and I am reluctant to let her go. I have feelings for her, and I believe she should have feelings for me too. I still desire to continue with her as boyfriend and girlfriend.

In light of the woman's reasons, there are instances when it becomes necessary to prioritize her perspective. It is important to note that the more one accommodates, the more profound the psychological sense of dissatisfaction may become. Regardless of whether she returns to her hometown for the New Year or for other family-related reasons, it is crucial to consider her psychological needs while also maintaining this special relationship. The more she requests your presence, the more you will become reliant on her, and the more reliant you become, the more you may feel unable to live without her. This is where internal conflicts and struggles arise. If she is not married, she may have a greater responsibility precisely because she has a family, and thus, the psychological sense of loss may not be as significant.

During this period, we will send WeChat daily, and she will record a brief video daily for her own viewing. When she feels better, she will also inform herself, and today she even informed herself that her stomach hurts, and we even had a one-hour video chat. What can I do to continue fostering a positive relationship with her? Is she ambivalent about the relationship, wanting to maintain it but also reluctant to fully engage?

For her, the experience of romantic love is a primary objective; for you, it is to find a partner who cares about you. Despite the awareness that this relationship will not have a definitive conclusion, there is still hope that this form of relationship can exist. This is an example of the self-centered nature of human beings. Based on your circumstances, I would like to offer a few suggestions for your consideration:

Given the nature of your relationship, it is possible that the longer it persists, the less favourable it may become for you. It is therefore important to ascertain your true desires, whether they are based on the emotional bond you share with her or the desire to establish a family unit based on mutual respect and admiration. It is not uncommon for individuals in such circumstances to feel adrift if they do not receive what they desire, which may result in a lack of appreciation for what they do receive. If she is genuinely willing to divorce and establish a family with you, it is essential to consider whether you are prepared mentally and in other respects. If you merely maintain this delicate situation, it may not lead to a future together, and the period of initial attraction is also likely to be limited. When you enter into a relationship, your partner's strengths and weaknesses will become apparent. It is crucial to accept them as a whole, as doing so is essential for avoiding misunderstandings in the longer term. These will depend on the genuine needs of both parties, the purpose they seek to fulfil together, and the other party's ultimate expectations.

The return to reality is characterized by a combination of physical satisfaction and psychological comfort. However, this transition is often accompanied by the demands of daily life and familial responsibilities. It is important to recognize that a "quiet life" is an illusion; instead, one must navigate the challenges of moving forward with a significant burden. In any relationship, there is often a tendency for one partner to assume a greater level of responsibility. This dynamic can lead to a perception of exhaustion, particularly if the other partner still has familial obligations. It is also crucial to understand that the pace of this transition may vary depending on external factors, such as the presence of children.

Currently, the relationship is still desired by both parties, and as previously stated, the male partner is overly invested and unable to disengage. However, the romantic aspect of the relationship requires tangible support, which is a realistic expectation. Married women tend to be more receptive to weighing the pros and cons of a relationship than unmarried women. The issue between the two parties requires a resolution, and it is essential that the male partner addresses it independently when it reaches a certain stage.

The suggestions are intended to serve as a point of reference only. It is through the interconnectedness of the global community that we are able to interact and communicate. I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

The partner began to apply pressure to expedite the process of finding a spouse, yet there was still regular communication, which made it difficult for you, as the central figure in the relationship, to ascertain the other person's intentions. As the adage goes, "Those at the center of a situation are often unaware of the nuances, while those on the periphery can perceive them more clearly." It is my hope that the following insights will assist you in navigating the complexities of this relationship.

First, it is essential to be clear about your expectations and the direction of the relationship.

It is not possible to control other people, even those in an intimate relationship, but there are ways to look inside ourselves.

In your message, you indicated that you are unable to let her go. This may be indicative of a deeper desire or longing that is worth exploring. This could include the time you have spent with her, the thought that without her, you will have no one to hold you in the warm embrace of your thoughts, or the thought that you cannot let go of your own devotion.

Additionally, the various forms of "unable to let go" often entail concerns and apprehensions that may not be readily addressable at this juncture.

Once expectations and needs have been carefully considered, it will become clear whether this intimate relationship can meet your long-term needs.

2. Once expectations have been clarified, it is important to strive for and achieve an acceptable threshold in the current relationship.

2. Once expectations have been clarified, it is important to strive for and achieve an acceptable threshold in the current relationship.

The inception of this relationship was unconventional. The other party involved has a family situation that must be taken into account.

This unusual situation also introduces a significant degree of uncertainty and unpredictability into the maintenance of the relationship.

If, following the clarification of expectations in the relationship, you wish to continue, then it is advisable to engage in open and honest communication with the other party to ascertain their intentions for the relationship.

If this is not an open relationship that both partners are aware of, it is likely that the other person and you are engaged in an "underground affair" that cannot be made public. Additionally, the possibility of the other person giving up their family to be with you is also very low. This indicates that before you understand the other person's true thoughts, you have already formed certain expectations regarding the direction of the relationship and have considered the extent to which you can accept it in this relationship.

Should you still be unable to obtain what you desire despite your best efforts, you will likely experience a certain degree of sadness and distress. However, it is unlikely that you will experience regret.

3. Take the initiative in your relationship back into your own hands and pursue your own happiness.

While your partner's suggestions may seem like the best solution at the time, it is ultimately up to you to decide what is best for your relationship and the level of intimacy you desire.

During a period of change in a relationship, the only person who can provide guidance is the individual themselves.

By going through the aforementioned clarification process, you may have gained insight into the type of relationship you desire. If you take the initiative to take the first step, you will have the chance to break free from the current emotional cycle, explore new experiences, and gradually move closer to achieving the relationship you want.

This process will undoubtedly present challenges and require resilience. However, these obstacles are akin to the discomfort experienced before a new idea emerges. While the journey may be arduous, it is a crucial step towards a transformative outcome.

It is my hope that the above information will prove useful to you.

As a psychologist, my focus is not on exploring human nature but on understanding the human heart. I wish you well.

Hi, I'm June.

I understand your feelings for a married woman.

The other person has a family and recently returned to their hometown for the New Year. Today, they told me this again. I can't let her go. I have feelings for her, and she should have feelings for me too. I still want to continue seeing her as a boyfriend and girlfriend.

You said you still want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but you don't seem to care that she's married.

This doesn't make sense. We say love can't handle anything, and love is exclusive. It's hard for people to accept that the person they like is also in an "intimate relationship" with someone else.

You might be possessive, but you don't seem to be. I think there are three reasons why she broke up with you:

1. She wants to go back to her family.

I don't know how you two met, but you must have something going for you. Her marriage must have problems, and you're supporting her emotionally.

She might want a divorce. If you two get along, or if her husband knows about her affair, she thinks that's the worst that can happen.

She felt guilty and saw her marriage in a new light. She felt her husband wasn't so bad. She had hope for her marriage again.

She wants to end the relationship.

2. She doesn't think you're a good match.

I don't know if there's an age difference, but she said she doesn't want to keep you from finding a wife, so she should have more social experience.

Women have a lot of experience. They are either older than you or have had more experiences than you. At first, she may not think about the differences between you at all.

But after you've spent some time together, you'll notice the differences. Maybe you're a good boyfriend.

If she divorces and then marries you, there will be problems.

If you don't want to marry her, you'll have even more reason for her to break up with you.

If her husband finds out, will she have to divorce him?

You're not marriageable, which is risky for her.

3. She doesn't want to hold you back.

When you first got together, you probably just wanted sex, and you could break up at any time.

As you get to know each other, you'll start to care more. She'll start to think about how you feel too.

If you're going to break up, do it sooner. You can find a better partner while you're young. It won't be a waste to have met and fallen in love.

These are the possibilities I thought of based on your description. I hope they help.

Best wishes!