Hello, I hope this message finds you well.
I'm a psychotherapist at Yi Xinli. I'm sorry to hear this news. I can imagine it must have been tough for you as a child. You loved your parents, but you also disapproved of your mother's infidelity. It's not easy for three people in a family to suffer together. I'm glad you've come to Yi Xinli to seek help. It shows you're trying to solve the problem, which is a good thing.
Let's talk about the few things you mentioned.
1. Your mother's infidelity will damage her image in your eyes. All kids want a happy family with lots of love. But family relationships are complicated. There's your parents' relationship, which is between them and doesn't involve you. Then there's your relationship with your dad, which does involve you. And finally, there's your relationship with your mom, which also involves you. So we need to look at things separately.
2. The issue between your parents is that your mother cheated on them. You're their child, but in the marriage, you're still an outsider, so it's difficult for us to know what's really going on between them. They're both adults, so it's up to them to deal with their relationship. No matter what happens, you should respect them and still love them. If you have the energy, you can talk to them separately about their views on this matter and let them express their thoughts. This may help resolve the issue. If you don't have the confidence, I suggest you don't ask, just care about them.
3. You've always had a good relationship with your mother, and she's always been nice to you. So it's only natural that your mother's infidelity has made you feel disappointed, suspicious, and even a little hateful towards her. This has led to a breakdown in family relationships. I can fully understand how you feel. The beautiful image of your mother in your heart has been destroyed forever. You must be very sad, right?
But here's the thing. No matter how great your mom was to you in the past, it's likely that you've also made her out to be something she's not. In her relationship with your husband, she has her own needs and thoughts. She's just an ordinary woman, and she has her shortcomings, but they don't reflect on her relationship with you. After all, you were raised by her, and in your heart, she's almighty and perfect. But what about the facts?
She's just an ordinary person. If you can recognize this and accept it, you'll be able to deal with your mother's infidelity more objectively. This may have some impact on your relationship with your mother, but if you can have an honest chat with her, it may be helpful to both of you.
No matter what the relationship is like, the best way to solve problems is through open communication. It's not right that your mother feels dirty giving you money. She's capable of working, and giving you money shows her love and care for you. She also knows that cheating isn't a good thing, but she did it anyway, and she has her own struggles.
4. From what you've told me about your relationship with your father, I get the impression that you have a lot of sympathy for him. He hasn't done anything wrong, but just because he didn't directly cheat on your mother doesn't mean that he didn't make other mistakes in their marriage. When two people have relationship problems, it's never just one person's fault. You're already quite old, and this only happened recently, which shows that they still had feelings for each other and various unresolved issues during the more than ten years they were together. When this accumulated and there happened to be a chance when you were a junior in college, it became what it is now.
I understand you're sympathetic towards your father. If it's convenient for you, you could talk to him to make him feel more comfortable and get him to pay more attention to you.
5. If you can, I think you should ask your parents to find a psychologist to work with your family. It can be tough to keep a family together after so many years, but if there's still a chance, you should try your best.
6. You might also have doubts about marriage because of this incident. It could be helpful for your own happiness to learn a bit more about marital relationships.
We all face difficulties in life that catch us off guard and leave us unsure of what to do. But life always goes on, it can't stand still. So, face difficulties positively, keep going with determination, and you'll always see the next step.
I hope this is helpful for you. If you want to discuss it further, feel free to send me a private message.
I'm Yong, a psychologically-oriented listener. I'm here to help.


Comments
I can't imagine how tough this situation must be for you. It's important to separate your feelings about the money from your relationship with your mom. Consider what accepting her support means to you and if it helps or hinders your bond.
It sounds like a very complex family dynamic. Ultimately, the choice to accept financial help is yours. Think about what feels right for you and what might ease or add to your internal conflict.
Facing this kind of betrayal in your family must be incredibly hard. Maybe talking to a counselor could provide some clarity on how to handle your feelings towards your mother and the money she offers.
This is such a sensitive issue. If you're feeling conflicted about the money, perhaps discussing it openly with your mother could offer some closure or understanding for both of you.
You're going through so much emotional turmoil. Remember that your mother's actions are her own, and your worth isn't tied to hers. Consider what accepting her money would mean for you personally and whether it aligns with your values.