My mother cheated on me when I was a junior in college. How should I deal with this?

Hello, I hope this message finds you well.

I'm a psychotherapist at Yi Xinli. I'm sorry to hear this news. I can imagine it must have been tough for you as a child. You loved your parents, but you also disapproved of your mother's infidelity. It's not easy for three people in a family to suffer together. I'm glad you've come to Yi Xinli to seek help. It shows you're trying to solve the problem, which is a good thing.

Let's talk about the few things you mentioned.

1. Your mother's infidelity will damage her image in your eyes. All kids want a happy family with lots of love. But family relationships are complicated. There's your parents' relationship, which is between them and doesn't involve you. Then there's your relationship with your dad, which does involve you. And finally, there's your relationship with your mom, which also involves you. So we need to look at things separately.

2. The issue between your parents is that your mother cheated on them. You're their child, but in the marriage, you're still an outsider, so it's difficult for us to know what's really going on between them. They're both adults, so it's up to them to deal with their relationship. No matter what happens, you should respect them and still love them. If you have the energy, you can talk to them separately about their views on this matter and let them express their thoughts. This may help resolve the issue. If you don't have the confidence, I suggest you don't ask, just care about them.

3. You've always had a good relationship with your mother, and she's always been nice to you. So it's only natural that your mother's infidelity has made you feel disappointed, suspicious, and even a little hateful towards her. This has led to a breakdown in family relationships. I can fully understand how you feel. The beautiful image of your mother in your heart has been destroyed forever. You must be very sad, right?

But here's the thing. No matter how great your mom was to you in the past, it's likely that you've also made her out to be something she's not. In her relationship with your husband, she has her own needs and thoughts. She's just an ordinary woman, and she has her shortcomings, but they don't reflect on her relationship with you. After all, you were raised by her, and in your heart, she's almighty and perfect. But what about the facts?

She's just an ordinary person. If you can recognize this and accept it, you'll be able to deal with your mother's infidelity more objectively. This may have some impact on your relationship with your mother, but if you can have an honest chat with her, it may be helpful to both of you.

No matter what the relationship is like, the best way to solve problems is through open communication. It's not right that your mother feels dirty giving you money. She's capable of working, and giving you money shows her love and care for you. She also knows that cheating isn't a good thing, but she did it anyway, and she has her own struggles.

4. From what you've told me about your relationship with your father, I get the impression that you have a lot of sympathy for him. He hasn't done anything wrong, but just because he didn't directly cheat on your mother doesn't mean that he didn't make other mistakes in their marriage. When two people have relationship problems, it's never just one person's fault. You're already quite old, and this only happened recently, which shows that they still had feelings for each other and various unresolved issues during the more than ten years they were together. When this accumulated and there happened to be a chance when you were a junior in college, it became what it is now.

I understand you're sympathetic towards your father. If it's convenient for you, you could talk to him to make him feel more comfortable and get him to pay more attention to you.

5. If you can, I think you should ask your parents to find a psychologist to work with your family. It can be tough to keep a family together after so many years, but if there's still a chance, you should try your best.

6. You might also have doubts about marriage because of this incident. It could be helpful for your own happiness to learn a bit more about marital relationships.

We all face difficulties in life that catch us off guard and leave us unsure of what to do. But life always goes on, it can't stand still. So, face difficulties positively, keep going with determination, and you'll always see the next step.

I hope this is helpful for you. If you want to discuss it further, feel free to send me a private message.

I'm Yong, a psychologically-oriented listener. I'm here to help.

Hello, my child. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

From your description, it's clear you have mixed feelings about your parents. You want to accept your mother's good intentions but also agree with your father that the money is dirty. You don't know how to face your mother, and you're struggling to accept that your mother cheated on you when you were in college.

As children, we have perfect expectations of our parents. We all hope that our parents love each other and that they meet moral standards. But the reality is that our parents have their own limitations. They are very ordinary people who have their own worries and problems. These problems can only be solved by the parents themselves, and this is part of their growth.

We must learn to accept our parents for who they are and not take on their problems ourselves. We should also encourage them to take responsibility for being parents.

My advice is this:

Accept your parents and understand their actions.

Let's be clear: Mom's infidelity is just the superficial behavior we see. But have we ever tried to understand why she made that choice? The answer is simple. If a person can get what they need in a relationship and have their needs met, they will not usually choose to cheat to get what they want.

There are reasons behind Mom's behavior. If these reasons are not seen, or if these hidden problems in Dad and Mom's marriage are not resolved, Mom will still not get what she needs in the marriage, or Dad will never know what Mom needs. They have not had in-depth communication about these issues, and have been arguing about right and wrong on the surface, which is actually of little significance.

If your parents still want to continue running their marriage well, they should learn more about the emotional aspects of marriage. Marriage and family counseling is also a good option.

You can't control your parents' behavior. What you can do is accept them for who they are, recognize their limitations, and accept that they're not perfect. They gave you life, and that's a fact. At the same time, you need to adjust your expectations of them and understand that they can't give you what they don't have.

2. Your parents' marriage may make you question and worry about marriage. You need to take back what's yours and become more independent.

You can return it in one of three ways:

I am not responsible for your destiny, your pain, or your joy. I leave those things to you. I take back your emotions, your responsibilities, your experiences, your marriage, your life, your death, and everything else.

You are my parents, but that doesn't mean I have to experience the same fate, emotions, and pain as you. I can live a different life from yours and love you in a different way.

I love you, but I don't have to fulfill your expectations. I will live my life well and make you proud.

I believe that as a child, you should be able to express your true feelings and thoughts to your mother. She should be willing to tell you her true feelings, too. The money your mother earns might not be what you think it is. You just agree with what your father says. From your father's perspective, your mother is hateful. But as a child, has your mother actually done what she should have done? Has she given you the care and love you need?

The entanglement between mom and dad needs to be resolved by themselves. You can't do anything about it. All you can do is accept and give some advice. In the end, how well they can communicate and how their marriage can develop is something they need to work on themselves. This is their growth topic.

I would accept the money from my mother because it is her care and love for me. At the same time, I would also express my expectations and needs to her. I expect her to communicate well with my father, and I want our family to be harmonious and close.

Best regards!

Hello, sweetheart! I can see that you're caught up in family ties and feeling unable to face the current situation of your mother's infidelity and your parents' discord.

It's so sad. Once a happy family, a crack appeared in the relationship between the three because of the mother's infidelity. Your mother, who you always loved, cheated on your father, who worked hard to earn a living. In a fit of anger, your father spoke very contemptuously of your mother, which was undoubtedly a bolt from the blue for you and shattered your beautiful feelings of family happiness.

I know this is a really tough time for you, but you're doing a great job of recognizing the need to seek professional help.

— When it comes to your parents, it's best to let them work things out on their own. They're adults, and they can handle whatever comes their way.

They have the ability to take responsibility for a relationship. At this time, they are going through a rough patch and dealing with a lot of personal emotions.

They're still in a cold war and haven't gone as far as to divorce. I truly believe that they can face the pain, deal with this issue calmly, and repair their relationship. Even if they choose to separate, it's their own choice. You're already an adult, and it will have an impact on you, but it won't do much harm.

It's so important for you to recognize this.

——About your relationship with your parents. You came into this world through them, and you are the closest of blood relations. No matter what happens between them, the bond of flesh and blood between you is unchangeable.

You believe that they are and will continue to be the two people you can rely on most. All you have to do is choose to love them, and that's enough.

— Your mother is going through a really rough time. It's totally understandable that you're feeling confused and angry towards her, especially because of what your father said. It's natural to start doubting your mother's love for you, but it's not true! Your mom is still your rock. Infidelity is also a challenge she's facing, and it's not your fault. She might also have her own struggles with helplessness, grief, and anger that she needs to work through with her family.

I know you might be feeling a little guilty about the trouble you've caused your mum. You're your mum's little angel, so have you tried to help her through this tough time? I know it's tough, but being there for her and not blaming her is the best way to comfort her.

You are such a good girl. Let me give you a big hug!

——Dad is the biggest victim of the whole incident. At this time, he just needs some extra love and support to help him through this. You are his hope. They will choose to remain silent for your sake and temporarily set aside the dispute. You must tell Dad with your deep affection as his daughter that you will get through this difficult time together.

You are the head of the family and the anchor of the family. You must not lose your head, sweetheart. I am still in the learning stage and need your support. Tell them that no matter what decision you make, you will always be my parents and I will respect and love you.

My dear girl, I want you to remember the "four nos" and one belief: no avoidance, no involvement, no comment, no advice.

Have faith in their ability to handle this relationship and life will be full of hope.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From the questioner's confessions and questions, it's clear that every relationship has problems. Both people are responsible. So in your parents' marriage, don't just see your mother cheating and think that she is the only one at fault.

After learning that the questioner's mother had cheated, the parents remained together. They live in the same house but on different floors. They have no feelings for each other and rarely communicate. The questioner stated that his parents have no feelings for each other but then said that his father hates his mother. This suggests that they do have feelings for each other, but that his father feels that your mother is no longer a partner he can control. As a result, his feelings for your mother have turned to hatred.

The questioner's mother has a job and savings, and the questioner's father drives a truck, but he has not saved a penny. It was only after getting married that he realized that everything costs money, including food and oil. The questioner did not mention where your father's money went, but he had no sense of direction for his future. He could also be described as a man who lives from day to day.

This is not a feeling of security for a woman. She doesn't know when she will face a situation where the family can't eat enough or wear warm clothes. Perhaps she lost hope in your father, so when she met someone who understood her, her heart fell. What she wants is someone who understands and accepts her, regardless of status.

My mother cheated on me when I was a junior in college. I need to know how to deal with this.

Your father is jealous of your mother.

Your parents have feelings. They aren't considering separating because they have good reasons. They may not want to be pointed out as the parents of an elderly person. They may want to support their children who are still in school. Or they may not want to break up their mother's relationship with someone else. These are all possible reasons.

Your father said, "So what if your mother can make money? It's still dirty money." He's jealous because he knows he's not as good as your mother's partner financially. He's lashing out. What does he mean by dirty money? Did he see someone else give your mother money?

It's jealousy because of inferiority. These things may have happened a long time ago, which is why the mother would seek that little bit of mental comfort. In adults, it's not just about sex. They actually need each other more to support, understand, and tolerate, as well as a two-way rush. The problem is that the questioner has never noticed it.

Deal with the separation from your parents.

The relationship problems between parents are their business, and the questioner is just their child. They have done nothing to the questioner. It is really hard for the child to see them like this, but they are the ones who made the decision, and as a child, they are not qualified to manage them.

You can't solve your parents' problems, and you're not in a position to help them solve them. Let them deal with it themselves. They may have conflicts with each other, but they still love you and love you with their own abilities. Don't judge your mother because of your father's accusations. She's loving you with her own abilities when she sends you money. No one can say that her money is not clean.

The questioner should save the money from their mother if they don't want to use it. They can give it back to her when she needs it in the future. They're ready to separate from their parents. They can take care of their own affairs. This will relieve their parents of worry.

Be more aware of your emotions.

Parents who are not getting along are also greatly affected by their children's emotions. It is essential for the questioner to seek someone to talk to when feeling depressed and to pay more attention to the rhythm of their own lives, recognizing the importance of understanding the appearance of their emotions.

My mother treats me very well, but I feel conflicted because of my father. I know it would be wrong to treat her well again. You don't know the problems in their marriage, so you don't understand why she behaves this way. You don't know if you can accept her kindness towards you.

All these problems are piling up in the questioner's heart, and countless unanswered questions make you feel depressed. The questioner must ask themselves: can you solve your parents' problems yourself? If you can't solve them, you need to consider the impact of dwelling on these problems.

You need to accept that this has an impact and cannot be solved. Your parents are adults and are capable of facing the responsibilities they need to bear. Infidelity is a betrayal of feelings. Although it is not a crime, it also collapses the trust between the two people. This trust can only be established by them, and no one else can help. Be more aware of your emotions and relieve them in time. Just be yourself.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

In the event of infidelity on the part of your mother, you may be faced with the decision of whether or not to refuse her financial contributions.

In response to your inquiry, the financial assistance provided by your mother is simply a matter of monetary compensation for your living expenses.

The color of money is irrelevant. The source of the funds is inconsequential.

Your mother is your mother. From your perspective, she is the person who gave birth to you and raised you, and she is still regarded as a reliable and caring individual. From the perspective of being a mother, she is a responsible mother, and to you, she is also a warm mother.

That is all. It is imperative that you and your mother establish a cordial relationship befitting that of a typical mother-daughter pair.

Regarding your mother's infidelity, that is a matter between your father and her. Your father is likely a very busy truck driver.

When he is away, he must rely on the woman in his home to maintain the household and manage his affairs. However, there is a significant issue: he is away from home and separated from your mother.

In this sense, your mother's behavior is a direct result of their relationship. It should be noted that your father no longer has feelings for him, but they are still together.

This is their decision. Regardless of the rationale behind it or the considerations involved, the outcome is that they continue to reside together, with one occupying the upstairs space and the other the downstairs space.

I am attempting to convey that the circumstances surrounding my mother's actions are solely her concern, and those involving my father are his own. My father does not take issue with my mother's financial superiority, as he respects her autonomy in that regard. Similarly, you are entitled to make your own decisions.

As a general rule, we treat others in a manner consistent with how they treat us. If your mother treats you with kindness, you should reciprocate her kindness.

If your father treats you well, it is only fair that you treat him the same way. You are not in the position of arbitrating the relationship between your parents.

If you are currently a junior in college, it is advisable to complete your studies, obtain your diploma, and embark on an independent career path. During your academic tenure, financial support from any source, provided with good intentions, is acceptable.

Money is a neutral entity. You can rest assured that you can support yourself.

It is important to develop your own abilities and prepare yourself well for the future.

In family relationships, the children are inevitably affected by the issues that arise within the family unit. It is unfortunate that you have encountered such difficulties within your family, and it is clear that this is causing you distress.

The only solution is for you to resolve the issue independently.

In the context of a rapidly evolving situation, it is crucial to recognize that no individual is immune to the potential consequences of a rapidly unfolding scenario. It is, therefore, imperative to take responsibility for one's own actions and decisions, rather than allowing external factors to dictate one's course of action.

In light of the current family situation, you have the option to take responsibility for yourself, plan your life well, or continue to love your mother. She has been a positive influence in your life. You may also consider other options.

The decision is yours to make. What matters is your original intention and your willingness to accept the consequences of your choice.

I trust this information is helpful.

The relationship between your parents is having a rather confusing effect on you.

From what you have described, it seems that Dad may tend to express his dissatisfaction with Mom more often, and even lets you hear it, while Mom doesn't tell you much about their relationship.

We are all aware of the truth, but it is challenging not to be affected by it.

Mum and Dad are our greatest source of support, and they have given us a home. Now that their relationship is not as strong as it could be, our home is also facing some challenges, which can make us feel insecure.

It is natural for us to want to help them reconcile their relationship and improve their communication.

However, it's important to remember that emotions are a matter between the two of them, and that it takes two hands to clap.

It would be unfair to place the blame on just one person. Both of them must accept responsibility for the situation.

As children, we have no business judging who is right and who is wrong. In fact, there may not even be any right or wrong at all.

Perhaps you can sense it yourself. Despite Dad's comments, Mom is still treating you as well as ever. She is a responsible mother who works hard, earns money, saves money, and has not forgotten to be good to you.

Dad, on the other hand, has no concrete plans or savings. Instead, he seems to view Mum's savings as questionable.

As outsiders, we may not fully comprehend the complexities of their relationship. It might be helpful to allow them the space to navigate their differences through negotiation, mutual respect, and problem-solving.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for them to maintain a certain distance if they are unable to find happiness together.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what kind of father your father is and what kind of mother your mother is.

And as husband and wife, this is their own role, and we as children will respect that.

It is to be expected that, regardless of how they interact with each other, there will always be a father and a mother in the family.

I hope they are healthy and happy, and are able to live their lives to the fullest in their own way.

It would be beneficial for you to take care of yourself as well.

I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Let's give the questioner some much-needed comfort from a distance!

The questioner's description is fascinating!

When I was a junior in college, my mother made the bold decision to cheat on my father. They lived together, but they had no feelings for each other. My mother lived on the second floor and my father lived on the third floor. My mother had savings, but my father drove a truck and didn't save any money. He said that the money my mother got from fooling around with other men

At that moment, I felt really bad. Is it true that my mother really did that? My mother cheated on me. I know in my heart that this is not good, but my mother has been good to me for so many years. I feel so family-frequent-parental-arguments-have-made-me-highly-sensitive-to-conflicts-in-relationships-2026.html" target="_blank">conflicted.

The questioner's doubts

My mother also sends me money now. Should I take it? I feel dirty money in my heart. I don't know how I should face my mother, but I'm excited to find out!

Words to the questioner

From the analysis of the questioner, we can see that your father drives a truck, so he's probably off having a great time at work!

On the other hand, your parents' marriage is having problems, and they have the opportunity to take responsibility for it themselves, without worrying about right and wrong judgments.

Your parents are responsible for raising you out of a sense of duty and obligation, which is a wonderful thing! You don't need to feel any psychological burden.

And who knows—they might even find happiness and contentment within their marriage! As children, we just hope for the best.

We can't interfere too much, but we can still be there for them and cheer them on! Whether they want to stay together or how their marriage is going, we're here to support them in any way we can!

First of all, the original poster just needs to know that taking care of oneself is important. In the family, if they have conflicts, try to reconcile their relationship from a fair perspective. We can't do anything else, and we don't need to do anything else—but we can be there for them!

Greetings, host

My name is Li Xuan, and I am a licensed psychological counselor.

I commend you for disclosing your psychological issues and seeking assistance. Your courage in doing so is commendable. Let us examine the details:

1. The father has developed a negative sentiment towards the mother.

2. You disapprove of your mother's actions, yet she provides you with considerable support, creating a sense of internal conflict.

3. The father has asserted that the mother's financial resources are tainted, and the mother is now providing monetary assistance to the child, who is uncertain about the appropriate response. The child is unsure of how to interact with the mother in this context.

From the text, it is evident that there is a considerable degree of conflict and confusion. It is unclear whether the subject in question is experiencing feelings of anger.

I empathize with your situation and wish to extend a supportive gesture.

The marital problems of the parents are a problem for them to resolve independently.

The issue at hand is the discrepancy between the disapproval of a particular action on the part of the mother and the continued affection and support she provides to the child. It is important to distinguish between these two aspects, as they are not necessarily correlated. Despite the disapproval of a certain action, the mother's love and support should not be compromised.

There is a plethora of emotional content in Dad's opinion of Mom. Dad's opinion cannot be equated with yours. You are two different people, and your relationship with Mom is also different.

You are not yet independent. Your mother provides you with financial assistance; do you require it? You may wish to consider this matter further.

I am uncertain as to the most appropriate course of action in dealing with my mother. Given your description, it is understandable that you have not yet had the opportunity to consider this issue in depth. It is, however, never too late to address such a significant matter when the time is right.

The resolution of marital issues is a collaborative process that cannot be attributed to a single individual. This is a topic that will also have to be addressed when one is married. For the time being, it is advisable to focus on one's own affairs and those of others.

It is my sincere hope that this will prove to be of some assistance. I wish you the earliest possible resolution to your difficulties, and I will always be available to provide support.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my concern about the distress caused to you by the conflict between your parents. In particular, your father's mention of your mother's infidelity has caused you to reject your mother based on your own moral values and standards, and you are very conflicted. I hope this matter can be resolved as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, [Sender's name]

It is evident that you are a highly principled and respectful individual. Otherwise, you would not be experiencing such internal conflict.

However, each individual is required to fulfill a number of roles throughout their lifetime.

As a student, child, and citizen of society, you have certain responsibilities.

Your mother fulfills the roles of child, mother, employee, and citizen of society.

Individual roles entail distinct expectations.

For students, it is expected that they will work hard and apply themselves to their studies.

It is expected that children will be obedient and sensible, and that they will understand and be considerate of their parents.

Parents are responsible for providing for their children and ensuring their education.

An individual may excel in their role as a parent and demonstrate admirable qualities as a child, yet lack the requisite attributes to be a productive member of society. Even those who have committed criminal acts often exhibit a profound attachment to their children.

An individual may exemplify the qualities of a good citizen and an excellent employee, yet fail to meet the standards of a good parent. For instance, an individual who is overly dedicated to their career and work responsibilities may contribute to the GDP and achieve success in their professional life, but neglect their duties and responsibilities towards their children.

It is therefore not possible to judge your mother as good or bad. She must be considered in the context of her role.

I am unsure as to the veracity of the information provided by your father. However, if it is indeed factual,

As a wife, she may not be performing her duties adequately. It is important to note that if there are issues in a marriage, they are often a result of shortcomings on both sides.

As an employee, it is not sufficient to accept the father's account of his own performance. It is necessary to ascertain the facts.

Even if the information provided by the father is accurate, it may not align with the standards expected of a good citizen with moral values.

As a mother, you should evaluate her performance based on your own perceptions. If she truly treats you well, as you have stated, then you should recognize her as a competent mother, accept her care and concern, and maintain a positive parent-child relationship.

It is important to play your role effectively and avoid encroaching on the responsibilities of other roles.

There is a commonly held belief that one should not interfere in the affairs of another if one is not directly involved.

The emotional state and dynamics of the parent-child relationship are solely the concern of the parents and should not be unduly influenced by external parties.

Interfering excessively in another individual's responsibilities is likely to result in conflict and negatively impact the parent-child relationship.

In the presence of your mother, you are simply her child, and she is simply your mother.

I hope you will enjoy a positive and productive relationship with your mother.

Greetings,

Could the mother sometimes be held responsible for infidelity?

Ideally, a family would be a perfect one, with a father who loves your mother and a mother who loves your father. It would be wonderful if your parents loved you, and you loved them in return.

Life is meant to be lived according to a certain script, but there are two versions of marriage: one where couples stay together until the end, and another where they choose to separate. There is nothing inherently wrong with either approach. Marriage allows for adjustments along the way, just as the marriage system supports both voluntary marriage and amicable divorce.

However, life does not allow for a reversal of roles, as marriage does. Life is the art of turning a blind eye and deaf ear. Of course, if the other party is tired of this kind of life and there is a reason why they cannot leave, they may seek fulfillment elsewhere.

If you want to gain a full understanding of the situation, it would be beneficial to listen to both sides. Since you are interested in forming a well-informed opinion, it would be helpful to consider both perspectives before making a decision.

I'm not sure if you're in love. If you are, you'll get a sense of what it's like to be with someone you like. After spending some time together, if you feel that it really isn't working out, you'll understand what that's like. Marriage is different from love. Marriage is for life, so it's important to be aware of that.

It might be helpful to consider giving yourself and those around you a chance to correct your mistakes. Whether you are in a relationship or married, breaking up and getting divorced can provide the opportunity for you and your partner to change the future and the happiness of living again.

Ocean Melody Qingxin Analysis:

1. You inquire as to whether you should accept the money. It would be prudent to consider two key factors in this matter: firstly, the purpose for which the money is intended. If the funds are to be used for your essential studies and living expenses, they could be regarded as maintenance and would fall within the remit of the mother, in fulfilling her obligations of support and care. This would be an acceptable arrangement.

Secondly, it would be helpful to consider whether you have the ability to be independent. If you do have this ability, it may be more straightforward to focus on your own goals and aspirations, regardless of whether you want to or not.

Given your current circumstances, it may not be feasible for you to earn money independently. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try, but rather that it's a different question altogether. The source of the money is a separate issue and not the focus here. It's your mother's business, and your focus should be on doing your own thing well.

2. You say that you feel the money is dirty, but it's important to consider the facts. Regardless of your feelings, money is money. It's a neutral entity. Those who make such distinctions are people with moral values, and they are the only ones who categorize money in this way.

I believe that, as long as it is earned through normal labor, there is no problem.

3. How might you approach your relationship with your mother? It would be helpful to understand how she treats you and how your father treats you.

While money is not necessarily a definitive indicator of love, the withholding of money could potentially be perceived as a lack of love. Your mother is in a position to provide you with both financial support and affection, and it would be beneficial for you to respond to this in a positive manner.

Regarding the issue of infidelity, it is a matter that falls within the realm of spousal and marital relations. It would be best for the two of them to work out a solution together. You are not in a position to judge or evaluate right and wrong. Furthermore, your studies require a great deal of time, so you may not have the opportunity to address this issue at home.

For the remainder of your time, it would be beneficial to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Strive to be your authentic self, learn from your experiences, and embrace the journey of self-discovery.

Hello, my name is Mi Duo, and I'm a listening therapist at Yixinli!

I've read your description and I can tell you're feeling sad and confused. When you think back to the moments you spent with your mother, she really was very good to you.

After getting the money from your mom, you're feeling all kinds of things. Should you take it? Is this kind of money something you can use?

This tangled emotion is all wrapped up inside you, and there's no way for you to tell anyone about it. You're left weighing up the pros and cons in your mind, burning up with anxiety!

Let's take a look together, okay? Is what you say about your mother really the case? Well, it might not be. Mom and dad's relationship may not be as harmonious as it could be right now, but whether the state described by dad is really the case is not certain. If it's not true, then we don't need to worry about something that doesn't exist. Maybe it's because mom and dad had an argument and dad has some doubts about mom.

If this is true, it will undoubtedly give you a new understanding and perspective on your mother, and it is totally normal to have some emotions. Nobody is perfect, and in life, we cannot expect anyone to be without a flaw.

It can be tough for anyone to be perfect in everyone's eyes. We're not saying you should try to be perfect, but it's good to remember that everyone has flaws and shortcomings. And these flaws and shortcomings may be relative.

Meanwhile, what mom does affects your emotions. It's his behavior or a choice he makes, but it doesn't affect mom's love for you! She loves you so much, and that's the most important thing.

Mommy can make her own choices in life, and although this choice may sometimes go against common sense and be disapproved of by the majority, it is only her choice, and it doesn't change how much she loves you. You can feel however you want about his choice, and at the same time, you can accept his love for you and return it with your love for him.

There's absolutely no reason to feel conflicted or torn! It's just the idea that this situation has given rise to that's making you feel that way.

I'd really love it if you could come back and take a serious look at it. Life is not set in stone, and nothing happens overnight. A room full of mess is totally normal in life, and we can also make choices for ourselves. A person's future achievements and results may depend on the choices they make every day.

For example, if you choose to study before the final exam, you might just get a relatively good grade at the end of the semester!

It's totally normal for things or experiences to cause us pain. And it's also normal for our own attitude to play a part in that. I choose! Assuming that this thing really exists.

We can also choose not to support or agree with his approach, and that's okay! Our love for each other will still be there. We can also choose to accept or stand up for our parents, and let them have a good chat.

We can choose to accept or block the messages they give us. After all, this is a relationship between parents, and we are just children. Everyone has their own identity, so just do what is right for you, sweetheart.

I extend a gesture of affectionate embrace to you, my dear.

It is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of sadness. It is a universal truth that life seldom aligns with our expectations.

It is possible to feel a strong sense of attachment to one's family, including a desire for positive interactions between family members. This may manifest as a hope that one's mother also loves one's father and that the family as a whole is supportive of one another.

It is understandable that you were disappointed by your mother's infidelity and that you desire for her to be a paragon of virtue. Indeed, it is natural for any child to desire perfect parents.

Indeed, it is possible that you have never considered this, but it is a common human desire for parents to strive for perfection. This can manifest in aspirations for a perfect family, a perfect partner, and a perfect child.

However, the reality is that everyone must live in the real world. No individual can influence another, and regardless of one's efforts, one cannot support another person's life. Individuals are solely responsible for their own lives. Life often entails helplessness, and the only recourse is adaptation.

It is evident that both parents possess their own unique strengths and weaknesses. With regard to the rationale behind your mother's decision to engage in infidelity, it is likely that she had her own reasons for making that choice, which you are currently unaware of. What is certain is that her actions have no bearing on your well-being and were ultimately her own personal decision. This does not, however, negate the fact that she is a devoted mother who continues to love you unconditionally.

I am uncertain as to whether you will concur with my assertion.

In conclusion, the relationship between your parents is not your concern, nor is your mother's personal life. It is important to note that your father still loves you, your mother still loves you, and they are still your good father and mother.

It is imperative to accept the love that each parent bestows upon you. Love is a pure entity; it is devoid of any impurity.

Just to clarify, is the questioner a boy or a girl?

Your gender is different, so my answer will vary a lot.

Hello, question asker.

If you're a boy, I'd suggest you turn down your mother's financial support.

It's not realistic to expect any man your age to overcome the universal psychological problem that has eluded the male species throughout human history.

Let you think this through rationally?

Forget it. It's more realistic to let you stand on your own two feet.

The thing is, when you choose to be a man, you have to play by the rules. You have to fit the mold of what society expects of men and be a manly man.

The most basic thing about being a man is not to be a wimp.

It's clear that the OP's father isn't a great role model in this situation. It's not a good look to say something like "your money is dirty," which is a pretty weak argument.

If the questioner wants to be a real man, he just needs to tell his mother, "Mom, I'm all grown up and I can take care of myself."

That's all for now.

If you're a girl, I'd suggest you go ahead and accept your mother's financial support.

The essence of slut-shaming is that

No matter what, she shouldn't be humiliated.

If it's not like your dad says, and your parents have been living apart for a long time, you can't just call it cheating. "Dirty money" is an insult to your mom, and she needs your comfort most at this time.

If Dad is right, then Mom has earned the money she gave you. Everyone can accuse Mom, but you can't. Mom gave you the money because she was afraid you'd be tainted by the world.

Sometimes, the world can be pretty absurd!

It's often the men who like to brandish "slut-shaming" who create "sluts".

As a woman, don't buy into their lies.

☔ Have you noticed?

How we reason often depends on our position.

Right now, you're a son or daughter.

Who knows—tomorrow you might be a husband or wife, or even a father or mother.

You can stand your ground and speak your truth, but you've got to let others do the same from their perspective.

It's also important to consider your own needs and those of others from a logical perspective.

Be sincere and fair-minded, and treat others with generosity and tolerance.

Let's break this down into two parts:

In the first part, I'd love to know why mom cheated on you when you were a junior in college! Here are a few questions I have:

1. I'm so curious! Why did mom cheat on you when you were a junior in college?

2. Mom and Dad have no feelings for each other anymore, and they don't communicate. Did this happen after the infidelity, or was it like this before?

3. They no longer have feelings for each other, and your mother has cheated on you. Why don't they get a divorce?

I'm sure that once you've sorted through these issues, you'll have some thoughts of your own about your mother's infidelity!

Part 2: Your Relationship with Your Mother

You, Dad, and Mom form the most amazing family. You love Mom, and Mom loves you. This is expressed between the lines of your words.

1. "The unspoken meaning is that I felt bad at that moment because my mom was getting money from fooling around with other men." Your "feeling bad" here actually has two meanings. On the one hand, you feel bad because your family is not complete and your mom has cheated on you. On the other hand, you love your mom, and when you hear your dad's nasty words to your mom, it touches your love for her, and you don't want your mom to be spoken to in such a way, so you feel bad.

"My mom cheated on my dad, and I know it's not good, but she's been pretty good to me over the years, and I feel conflicted." Here, "conflicted" is also a sign of your love for your mom.

2. Mom and child are in a parent-child relationship, a parent-child relationship that cannot be severed by blood ties. I think you are now about 20 years old, which is so exciting!

2. Mom and child are related by blood and cannot sever the parent-child relationship. I think you are now around 20 years old, right?

We can look at mom's infidelity from an adult perspective. In a relationship, cheating is the act of one partner being unfaithful to the other in a marriage.

From this perspective, mom's infidelity can be seen as an act of infidelity in the marital relationship with dad, while mom's love and the parent-child relationship between you and mom are still there!

Try to see your mother as an extraordinary person! Enjoy the parent-child relationship you have with your mother, and the incredible story behind her.

I understand your worries and concerns.

First of all, as a child, you never want to hear bad things about your mother. Even if the comment comes from your father, it will still make us feel sad. It seems that your basis for your mother's "cheating" is your father's implied meaning of "money is dirty, so no matter how much you earn, it's not a big deal." In fact, whether or not your mother has fallen in love with someone outside of the marriage may still be unknown.

Even if there is an extramarital affair, both spouses must take responsibility from an outsider's perspective. If the family is unattractive, external attractions will take effect.

Secondly, you stated that your father is a truck driver with limited savings. You also mentioned that your mother has a job and savings.

If this is the reality of your family for a long time, I can say with confidence that at least your mother is not easy. There's no question that living at home and supporting children at school requires savings. If the father is not capable of this, then the responsibility will naturally fall on the mother's shoulders.

A woman with life pressures needs to work hard to earn money, and in the process of earning money, she may need to come into contact with the opposite sex. This is likely the reason for the father's suspicion.

Ultimately, the parents' relationship is their business. They can decide what's best for them, regardless of whether it's good or bad, or whether they separate or stay together. As long as your mother has always taken care of you and raised you, she's a good mother.

I am confident that this perspective will be helpful to you!

Dear original poster, I am Xing Ying, a listening therapist at Yixinli, a national level 3 psychological counselor.

As children, either parent is someone we love deeply. If someone makes a negative comment about our parents, we will be upset.

However, when they accuse each other, we are unable to take offense, as both the accuser and the accused are individuals we hold in high regard. I am aware that you are currently experiencing a sense of sadness and helplessness. Due to your mother's infidelity, you have formed the perception that she is incorrect in her actions and that she still cares for you, leading to a state of emotional distress.

As a third-party observer, I am concerned to see you in this situation. I am willing to offer my perspective and guidance, if it would be helpful.

[Regarding my mother, I believe she is a good mother]

From the perspective of a child, would you consider her to be a good mother?

Furthermore, my mother is gainfully employed and maintains a healthy savings account.

My mother has provided me with excellent care and support for many years.

Furthermore, my mother provides me with financial support.

From your statements, I understand that you recognize your mother as a capable and loving parent, despite the challenges in your relationship. Despite living separately, she continues to demonstrate her affection for you.

You and she are connected as mother and child.

As the child of the mother in question, you are the only individual who can truly assess her level of maternal affection. You are also the most qualified person to answer the question of whether she is a good mother.

The answer can only be provided by you.

[Regarding my wife, she is, in all circumstances, incorrect]

My mother engaged in an extramarital affair with my father when I was a junior in college. My father now holds negative feelings towards my mother.

My mother also has a job and savings. My father does not plan effectively. He drives a truck and has not saved any money.

My father stated that my mother's income was unethical and that it was insignificant that she earned more than him. He expressed disdain for her financial success. The implication is that my mother obtained her income through unethical means.

I can see that your mother is more organized when it comes to life, work, and money. This may be the reason your family has always maintained a relatively stable standard of living.

Additionally, my father is not particularly adept at planning and can be somewhat impulsive. The nature of driving a truck often entails long-distance trips, which is extremely demanding. Could you kindly confirm if he also exhibits a somewhat grumpy demeanor?

It appears that there are significant discrepancies between the personalities of my parents. I speculate that these differences may have led to frequent disagreements in the beginning, which ultimately resulted in a lack of mutual understanding and a gradual fading of their emotional connection.

In summary, the mother's infidelity and the disparity in wealth led the father to experience feelings of self-rejection and incompetence. This resulted in significant distress and eventually manifested as hatred for his mother, which he expressed.

For example, at this time, the father is equating infidelity with promiscuity and correlating the mother's money with promiscuity. This is despite the fact that the mother was very methodical in managing finances when they were living together.

It is possible that Dad does not view her as an exemplary spouse. However, whether she was a good wife is a matter that can only be decided by her husband. Dad is currently experiencing his own pain and may not realize that his statements to you have exceeded his capacity for judgment. He is essentially stating that she was not an exemplary mother.

He is currently unable to process this information due to the strength of his emotional response. He requires time to fully comprehend the situation.

The father is angry, the mother is distant, and there is no longer any love between them. Have you observed that, regardless of the topic of discussion, there is no reference to you?

This is a private matter between the two of them, and it is not our place to intervene.

This is not a matter for you to address. They must resolve it amongst themselves.

[Regarding financial matters, do not accept funds obtained through illicit means.]

Is the money your mother provides you with, given her affectionate nature, something you feel is obtained through illicit means?

It is not unreasonable to expect that you will accept the money you have earned legitimately and reasonably as your living expenses.

Has the money in question been obtained illegally by the mother?

The affair has indeed caused harm to Dad, and in terms of marital responsibilities, Mom has done wrong. However, there is no evidence that Mom cheated on Dad for money. Therefore, it is inaccurate to describe Mom's money as "dirty" or "ill-gotten."

It is our hope that our parents can love each other and get along harmoniously. However, life is often filled with regrets. When parents love and kill each other, it is also painful. A father in pain may hope to get your support and therefore involve you.

I hope you can remain calm and rational in the midst of your distress (I understand it is challenging, but it is essential). I also hope you can trust that your parents, as adults, are capable of handling their own affairs.

They require an adequate amount of time.

It is often the case that wisdom emerges from adversity. I believe that, in time, your kind-hearted nature will come to accept that life can be painful and helpless. This will enable you to view things more objectively, leading to the blossoming of your own wisdom. My dear, the world and I love you, so please love yourself too.

Hello, question owner!

Hi, I'm an intern cat and a listener at Yixinli.

I'm really sorry to hear that your mother cheated on your father when you were in college. It must have been really tough for you and your family. It seems like you're still struggling to accept this reality and that you feel ashamed.

I know it can be tough to think about your parents' issues separately from your own.

Psychologist Adler believes that all interpersonal conflicts arise because we interfere with other people's life issues, or because other people interfere with our own life issues. The good news is that as long as we can learn to correctly separate our own life issues from those of others, our interpersonal relationships will also improve greatly!

From the moment we're born, we're all on our own. It's a bummer, but it's true! From the perspective of object separation, your mom's marriage is her own problem. She'll have to figure it out on her own.

It's possible that behind the infidelity, the parents already had some unspoken conflicts and rifts.

[Parenthood]

Your folks live on the second and third floors, respectively. I wonder how their relationship was before the incident.

It seems like your mom is the type of person who plans things and has clear goals for herself, while your dad doesn't plan as much and earns less than your mom. It's totally normal for a man to feel a bit down when he thinks he's lost to a woman! It can even change how they interact with each other, going from being a couple who share everything to two people who are constantly arguing.

It's totally normal to feel this way. Your mother's infidelity makes you feel like she's the one who did something wrong. It's hard to feel comfortable with this, especially when you're still feeling ashamed. But, it's important to remember that your mom has needs too, and you need to care about what's going on between your parents.

It's so important to remember that infidelity isn't just about physical pleasure. It can also be about a psychological desire to be cared for.

[?Own topic]

We can't change what's going on with our parents, but we can choose to love them unconditionally and accept them for who they are, imperfections and all.

I know it can be hard, but I want you to know that even though your mom has done this, her love for you will never change. It's always there, and it's unconditional.

It's so important to find our own way through life's challenges, without letting our parents' conflicts affect us. I can see how your feelings towards your mother are mixed. On the one hand, she's your mum and you love her, but on the other hand, your dad has a different view. It's a tricky situation, but I know you'll find the right way to handle it.

It's important to remember that we shouldn't get too involved in our parents' lives. At the end of the day, it's a marital issue that they need to resolve. What matters most is that, whether they're together or apart, they're still our beloved parents. ?

Good day, classmate. I can discern a certain degree of confusion in your demeanor. Allow me to extend a gesture of reassurance in the form of a warm embrace.

You are currently experiencing familial difficulties. Please accept this additional expression of support in the form of a warm embrace.

It is sufficient to understand that there are three fundamental categories of knowledge in this life: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of the divine realm.

The aforementioned concept is derived from the book A Thought Changes Everything.

Indeed, the rationale behind such actions is seldom straightforward.

I once heard on the radio that regardless of which spouse is unfaithful, both parties are equally culpable.

It is not always possible to grasp this truth at this early stage of life.

At the appropriate time, when one is ready to start a family and build a career, the truth will become clear.

If you are currently engaged in academic studies, it would be prudent to focus your efforts on the completion of your coursework.

If you have completed your studies, focus on your professional responsibilities and refrain from concerning your parents.

My parents are adults and will be able to cope with the situation of my mother's infidelity. It is imperative that you have faith in this, my classmate.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are facing in the near future.

These are the only suggestions that I can currently offer.

It is my sincere hope that my above responses will prove both helpful and inspiring to you. I am the answer, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and our best wishes for a successful outcome.