My parents are anxious about me being an older single person. How can I ease their anxiety?

Dear Question Asker, Your description brings to mind a saying: "Give yourself back to yourself and give others back to others." Your parents' concerns about you have reached a point of anxiety and depression. It is important to understand that these feelings are not intended to make you feel guilty or obedient.

A mother's concern for her child is unwavering, even when they are distant by a thousand li.

It is a universal parental concern that their children will fulfill a series of developmental milestones in a timely manner. Parents typically hope that their children will complete their education, secure employment, enter into a marital partnership, and establish a residence and family unit in a timely manner.

[Know the world and know yourself. Cultivate yourself, manage your family, run the country, and then you can change the world.]

Each individual is a unique entity with a distinct social clock. This uniqueness allows each person to take ownership of their life lessons. If entering into an intimate relationship is not a priority at this time, there is no need to use this as a condition to gain parental forgiveness.

If you enter into marriage prematurely to fulfill your parents' expectations, you will not only be unable to take care of yourself, but you will also exacerbate your parents' anxiety. It is therefore essential that you wait until you are fully prepared to marry and do not feel pressured to do otherwise.

[Filial piety of the heart is greater than filial piety of the body, and filial piety of the mind is greater than filial piety of the heart]

It is beneficial that you are respectful of your parents' wishes. Their concern about your ability to live independently is understandable. If they observe that you are capable of leading a fulfilling life on your own, they may gradually become more trusting.

Have confidence in your ability to meet the right person and to handle any situation with ease.

What is the optimal course of action?

It is evident that your parents' anxiety is gradually affecting you, and you are becoming aware of your current situation: you have no friends and have been in a relatively lonely state for a considerable period of time. It is therefore clear that the most effective way to reassure your parents is to live a fulfilling life. The most important action at this time is therefore to address how you can reduce your loneliness and effectively build your own social support network. This social support system will continue to be effective throughout your life.

I am a listening coach, Zhang Huili. My objective is to assist women in developing and establishing a robust social support system through reading. I am available to engage in conversation. In regard to addressing loneliness, you may wish to connect with another individual experiencing similar circumstances on this platform. By extending a helping hand to them, you can make a meaningful impact on their lives.

I would like to play a song by Meng Tingwei for you. It is entitled "Someone Who Loves Romance." I believe that embracing each other's innocence will help to offset the effects of the coldness that often arises between two people.

Hello, host. I hope my answer helps.

You love your parents and worry about them. They worry about you being lonely and unhappy. You worry about their worry and that they are depressed.

You know, we and our parents were meant to be separate. We have different life tasks. You don't need to take on their tasks, but you need to take responsibility for your own life.

They're afraid you won't have a good old age. But you don't have to get married to have a good old age. Being single at 34 doesn't mean you'll always be single. You can still pursue marriage and happiness.

My advice is:

Talking with your parents and listening to them can help them feel better, strengthen your relationship, and help you understand each other better.

Your parents are good people. They haven't been angry at you for being single until now, but they've been suppressing their emotions. This makes them less stable. We need to help them release their emotions.

Communicate with them, listen to them, and respond honestly.

For example, you can start a relaxed conversation with them: "Mum and Dad, I'm 34 and still single. I feel guilty and sad when I see you're upset. Can you tell me how you feel and what you want from me?"

Then, listen carefully. You may understand that they are worried you won't be happy alone. You can ask if they'd feel better if you stayed single but lived a happy life. Listen to how they define happiness. They may say that two people arguing daily are happier than if they were single. This is their world view. You can try to understand why. It's usually because of upbringing and education. Tell them you can take care of yourself and make yourself happy. You'll try hard to find your own happiness. You hope to gain their support.

If you talk to your parents, they will understand you better and will not worry too much. When they see that you can be happy on your own and that you will not stay single forever, they will also feel better.

2. Will you really be lonely if you stay single?

Erikson's theory says that young adults (18-25) struggle with intimacy versus loneliness. They need to find intimacy and avoid loneliness. Adults in their 30s and 40s face a different challenge: a sense of stagnation versus a sense of reproduction. They need to find a sense of reproduction and avoid stagnation.

You will find that you have internal conflicts and contradictions in both stages. If we do not gain intimacy in early adulthood, it will be difficult to gain reproduction in mid-adulthood. Instead, there will be stagnation. Do you feel this way now?

The intimacy and reproduction mentioned here does not refer to marriage and having children. It refers to all intimate relationships, including close friends. Reproduction has two meanings: "birth" and "rearing." This is a sense of continuity of life. Even if a person has not given birth, they can still gain a sense of reproduction by caring for or educating other people's children.

If we don't get married, we'll feel stuck and meaningless. We'll lose our desire to care for others and become self-centered.

If we don't get married, we can still have intimacy and reproduction through other means. This will prevent loneliness, and even if we are single, we can still lead a fulfilling and happy life.

3. Make your own choices, take responsibility for your own issues, and take responsibility for yourself.

The choice to get married is yours. It's your life, so take responsibility for it.

In psychology, there's a concept called "issue separation." We need to take responsibility for our own issues and not carry others' on our shoulders. To know whose issue it is, look at who bears the direct consequences.

Your single status is your problem, not your parents'. Their anxiety about you getting married is their own problem.

You just need to make your own choice and bear the consequences. If you choose to remain single, you need to accept the consequences, including your single status and the anxiety and worry that your parents will have. You can also choose to try to communicate well with your parents and find your own intimate relationship. Then you need to accept the consequences, for example, you need to spend a lot of energy communicating with your parents. You can also choose to quickly end your single status to put your parents at ease, but you also need to accept the consequences, for example, you and the other person are not very much in love.

There's no such thing as perfect, and there are no perfect choices. Just see what you value more, make a choice, and accept the consequences.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Hello,

I'm 34 and single. I may stay single forever. My parents worry I'll be lonely when I grow old. I don't have many friends and feel lonely.

I don't know how to persuade my parents. They're good people, but they get depressed. Watching them makes me feel guilty.

Love

We are over 30 and still single. Most people think this is getting on in years. We need to accept being single, take things slowly, and accept the way things are. We have strengths we've ignored. We can try to open ourselves up and slowly integrate into life.

There's a term in psychology called learned helplessness. If we stay in this mode for a long time, we'll feel powerless and lack self-acceptance. We try to make friends, not for marriage, but just as friends. We can also try new hobbies, such as going to fitness classes and libraries more often, to expand our social circle.

You'll find the right person if you meet a lot of people.

Seeing ourselves and accepting ourselves. Parents worry about their children's well-being.

How we view this is also important.

We give ourselves time. If there's no suitable candidate, it's okay to love ourselves first.

Not every flower has to grow into a rose. We have our own rhythm.

As long as we like it.

Best wishes. It's been a while. I love you. ?

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to answer.

From the description, it's clear that the questioner isn't looking for intimacy and is even enjoying being single. When parents see their own situation, they worry about the questioner from their perspective. If the questioner has a good plan for their future single life or if they have sufficient abilities, being single is not unacceptable in this society. The important thing is that the questioner has already made sufficient plans and understandings for their own lives.

I'll give the OP a pat on the shoulder and some strength. We often don't plan for the future because we don't know ourselves well enough to know what we want or what we can do. We can only find a path that suits us and go more and more smoothly on the path of life.

From the questioner's own account, it is clear that he is almost forty and still single. His family is anxious and depressed for him, so the questioner wants to enlighten his parents. This cannot be done simply by words. It is evident that our own interpersonal relationships are also influenced by our parents. The questioner can and should carefully observe whether his own friendship-making patterns are related to his parents' education, and whether his own patterns of getting along in intimate relationships have been influenced by his parents.

The way we interact with others is often influenced by our family of origin and our own personality. The questioner can and should do some soul-searching to find out what has gone wrong and what kind of life they really want.

I cannot discuss the question in detail since it was asked on a platform. However, I can give you some simple advice.

You need to find out the root cause of the parents' anxiety.

I need to know what is making the parents anxious. Is it a concern about the author's marriage, a lack of approval of the author's current life, or a worry about the author's current situation?

The questioner must carefully search and perceive to identify the root cause of their anxiety and record it on paper.

Identify the negative emotions that make parents anxious and determine the root cause of the anxiety. For example, parents may feel that the questioner is getting on in years and still not married, which leads them to wonder if the questioner will remain single forever.

The questioner must identify the root cause of their current relationship issues. What events led to this situation?

The questioner must identify the root cause of their real problem. This is the only way they can communicate with their parents based on their own problems and make them understand whether their situation can be improved or whether they have deliberately caused it themselves and can handle their own lives.

Focus on the biggest problem at hand.

Your interpersonal relationships are not where you want them to be, and you remain unmarried in your middle age. Write down on a piece of paper the things you want to solve about yourself and identify the problems you need to solve.

Then, rank the importance of the issues according to your own feelings and identify the biggest and most important problem you currently face.

List the worst possible outcomes.

Once you've identified the problem you want to solve, find out if you can solve it yourself. If you can't, find someone who can. Then find out what resources are available to help you solve this problem.

Discuss it with your parents. They can help you solve this problem. Don't dwell on your parents' anxiety. Don't vocalize it. Just say something positive. Over time, your parents will adjust.

List the worst possible outcomes.

What is the worst possible outcome? What is the worst possible outcome for the questioner and what is the worst possible outcome for the questioner? List them all and identify your coping strategies.

Don't make your parents anxious by worrying about this and that. Prepare your own coping strategies early and tell your parents you're ready to face your future life. When it happens, you'll respond according to your strategy, so your parents' anxiety will be less severe.

You need to keep facing the real you, pursuing the good you, and telling your parents through some facts to gain their recognition if you want a good outcome.

Get help from someone outside the family.

If the above approach doesn't work for you, get help from a professional counselor or friends who are already single. Tell them what's going on and ask for advice on how to get out of your current situation and face up to the relationships you've neglected.

Tell them how your parents' anxiety affects you, how you see your life, and how you handle your parents. If you need to, insist on staying in touch with these professionals until your parents' anxiety eases.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

Greetings. I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

The question is straightforward. It is evident that you desire to live according to your own preferences, yet you also wish to see your parents content.

It is unlikely that one will be happy if one attempts to meet one's parents' expectations. However, if one insists on living one's own life, one's parents will cease to pressure one, but their worries, anxieties, depression, and unhappiness will result in feelings of guilt.

The desire is to see one's parents happy, yet not in the manner they desire.

To be frank, I do not possess any efficacious solutions. I will, however, present a few of my thoughts for your consideration.

Firstly, they comprehend their parents' perspectives.

Each generation has a core mission. For parents, the formation of a couple and the establishment of a family are seen as the culmination of their life mission and their mission to their ancestors. Consequently, they hold a strong conviction regarding the importance of marriage for their children.

Indeed, one can hardly blame them. During their upbringing, they were taught these morals and expected to live up to them, as well as expecting their children to do the same. Having children, raising them, and providing for their old age, etc., is deeply ingrained in them.

Therefore, the older generation is able to tolerate and accommodate marital discord.

From their perspective, marriage may not be primarily about romantic love, but rather about forming a cooperative unit. The two individuals in a marriage work together, and during their early years, they collaborate in raising their children. Traditionally, the man works outside the home, while the woman stays at home and cares for the children.

In the event of advanced age, the two individuals can provide mutual care and assistance.

As individuals age, it is often the case that the people who care about them the most are those who are in their immediate vicinity. Even if children wish to be filial, they frequently lack the resources to do so.

As parents age, they may observe individuals experiencing loneliness in their later years and develop a heightened appreciation for the warmth of human relationships. Consequently, they may seek to ensure that, even if it is merely simple companionship, someone will always be available to provide support and assistance.

Previously, I did not fully comprehend the rationale behind parents' inclination to monitor their children's marital choices. From their perspective, the specific identity of one's spouse is inconsequential; the mere act of marriage is of paramount importance. However, after studying psychology and examining numerous cases of individuals experiencing loneliness in their later years, I have come to recognize the value of marital relationships, even if it is simply for the companionship and communication that they offer.

In an interview program entitled "Talking to Strangers," I observed a discussion about the necessity of placing trust in strangers and allowing oneself to be vulnerable to them. One of the participants had spent his youth incarcerated and, upon release, found himself without a residence or familial support system. Consequently, he leased a modest room from another individual.

It is recommended that the tenant agree with the landlord to visit the latter regularly. In the event of the tenant's landlord falling ill, the tenant should trouble the landlord to sign for them. Similarly, in the event of the tenant's landlord's death, the tenant should trouble the landlord to make a phone call and request that someone come to take the landlord away.

It can be argued that they are relinquishing their right to guardianship in their advanced years to an unknown individual, solely to ensure a dignified passing.

Furthermore, as the proportion of single individuals continues to grow, such circumstances are likely to become increasingly prevalent, particularly in Japan.

It could be argued that marriage does not necessarily guarantee success. Furthermore, it is unclear who will assume the role of primary caregiver and who will bear the burden of caregiving. However, if individuals do not marry, their parents may express concern that they will not have the opportunity to become a burden to someone else.

Parents may not consider the long-term implications of their actions, but within the confines of their moral framework, they perceive a bond between husband and wife that allows for mutual support. While they may not be concerned with the larger societal trends, they do desire for their children to have a supportive presence in their lives.

Indeed, their desires are quite straightforward. While we may not concur with them, it is imperative that we comprehend their perspective.

From your inquiry, it appears that you genuinely comprehend and empathize with your parents.

Secondly, individuals have the autonomy to construct their own lives and are not compelled to experience feelings of guilt as a result.

You have indicated that your parents' depression and melancholy evoke feelings of guilt in you. It appears that your parents are expressing their anxiety in a different manner, and it is often the case that silent expressions can be more damaging than constant nagging.

It is unclear how your parents have been influencing your decision to marry. Initially, they may have pressured you, rushed you, and even arranged blind dates. These actions could have prompted you to resist and argue.

Thus, they alter their approach. It is important to note that they are not being deliberately manipulative; rather, they may be experiencing exhaustion and choose to disengage. However, they are unable to disengage, and thus they choose to remain silent and ruminate, which exerts even greater pressure on the individual in question. This can be seen as an unintended consequence, as their forbearance stirs up feelings of guilt and also the idea that the individual is acting in an unfilial manner.

However, just as one's own life is one's own concern, one's parents' emotions are their own issue, and they must take responsibility for their own issues.

Although it may appear callous, it is ultimately the individual's responsibility to address their own issues. In this case, the emotional burden placed on the individual by their parents' actions can lead to feelings of guilt. This guilt is a personal emotion that the individual must confront and manage.

One can only be held responsible for one's own life and one's own emotions. It is this author's belief that, should the situation remain unaltered, even with the passage of time and the attendant changes in the individual in question, the other party will eventually disengage.

One potential solution is to allow time to resolve the issue.

A third option is to engage in a discussion with one's parents.

Given your decision to pursue a different path, it would be beneficial to engage in an open and honest dialogue with your parents. It is important to communicate that you are unable to align with their expectations regarding marriage. By doing so, you can help them to understand your perspective and potentially ease their concerns.

An alternative would be to hold a ceremony or similar event to mark the separation from one's parents. It is not uncommon for Chinese men, even after getting married, having children and moving out, to remain in close proximity to their parents.

Another option is to hold a ceremony to announce to one's parents that one has matured and is leaving the family unit. This allows for the recognition of the distinction between one's own family and that of one's parents.

This approach allows for a redefinition of the mode of interaction with one's family.

In the interim, it would be prudent to augment one's income, enhance one's quality of life, demonstrate to one's parents that one can manage independently, and mitigate some of their concern.

This problem is not straightforward to resolve, and parental anxiety can be seen as an expression of love. The most constructive approach is to accept and understand this, and if there is no alternative, to allow time to resolve the issue.

It may also be beneficial to consult with a counselor.

As a counselor, I am often pessimistic and occasionally optimistic. I extend my love to the world.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, it's clear you're in a loving family atmosphere. Your parents love and understand you, but they're also worried and troubled about your marriage. It's natural to feel guilty when your loved ones are so depressed and sad because of you.

As for marriage, it is all about fate, and it is highly uncertain and difficult to control. You feel overwhelmed, troubled, and you want to enlighten your parents and help them get out of their troubles.

Chinese parents devote almost their entire attention to their children since the moment they are born. It is a simple fact that when their children are happy, the parents are happy; when their children are sad, the parents are sad. This parental love is natural and inherent.

Parents' depression and worries about your single life in your old age, and their fear that you will suffer from loneliness in your old age, is rooted in the older generation's stronger family concept. They subconsciously believe that people must get married and live together in a group to be happy.

You can persuade your uncles and aunts that family is not a necessary condition for happiness and that a person can also have a happy old age.

Let's think together about how to live a happy life in old age. Once we've solved this problem, we'll also find ways to comfort our parents.

I am certain that a person can also be happy in their later years. They can cultivate hobbies such as reading, writing, and participating in meaningful community activities. They can also make more cheerful friends. There are now many retirement institutions with good conditions. They can practice Zen and learn Buddhism to give their heart something to rely on. They can even get used to being alone.

When people are idle, they think nonsense and negative things. The Diamond Sutra says that the past mind is not obtainable, the present mind is not obtainable, and the future mind is not obtainable.

People must learn to live in the present because it is the surest way to feel happy. You can persuade your parents to take up more hobbies and spend more time with them to distract them from their worries.

I want to be clear that what I have said is just the worst-case scenario. If you can accept that, then there is nothing to worry about.

The questioner is only 34, still young, and there are plenty of opportunities to find someone actively. Learn to make yourself happy, and you will be happy.

I want the original poster and their parents to get rid of their worries and be happy soon.

I love you all, the world and I!

My parents are anxious because I'm an older single person. I'm excited to find ways to ease their anxiety!

Hello, I'm Wang Ying, your friendly neighborhood psychological counselor!

You can feel your love for your parents, and you can also feel your parents' love for you! You both want the best for each other, and it's so wonderful to see!

Your parents will feel anxious because you are single at an older age and worry that you will be left alone in your old age. You can understand their worries about you, so you feel guilty when you see them depressed. But you can look at this from another perspective. Don't worry! You can ease your parents' anxiety and help yourself too.

You've made the choice to stay single, and that's a great thing! But, if you're feeling guilty, it's important to think about why. Are you worried about disappointing your parents? If so, you can choose to compromise, but remember that you're the one who's in charge of your life. You get to decide what's right for you, even if it's to stay single. There's no need to feel guilty about choosing to be single. It's a great choice! And, if you do decide to compromise, you can still enjoy your independence. You don't need to feel like you have to settle just because you haven't met the right person or haven't figured out what you want in a relationship or marriage. So, remember to enjoy your single life! It's an amazing journey, and you're in charge of your destiny.

If you can stand up to your parents and choose not to compromise, even if it makes you feel guilty, they'll notice. They'll feel even more justified in their anxiety and continue to insist. But you've got this! You can do it! You can stand up to them and say, "No, I'm not going to compromise." And you can do it with a clear conscience.

For parents, this can be a bit of a rollercoaster. It can make them anxious and keep their attention on you, which is great for you but maybe not so good for them. It can also mean they forget to enjoy their own well-deserved old age. But it's all part of the journey. And it's something parents worry about their whole lives.

To break out of this situation, you and your parents need to distance yourselves, both physically and mentally. Mentally, you need to realize that you cannot be responsible for your parents' emotions; they are solely their own responsibility. You cannot help them either; they need to regulate their anxiety themselves. Of course, as a daughter, all you can do is fulfill your responsibilities as a daughter, be good to your parents, and take them out for a stroll when you have the time and conditions, but only out of concern for your parents. You are not responsible for your parents' anxiety. Of course, at this time, you also need to honestly face your inner feelings—shame, guilt, and apologies. Don't avoid them; see them and accept them, but also tell yourself that you don't need to be responsible.

Over time, your parents will also feel the change in you, and they will learn to grow up too! Your daughter has become an adult, and she has her own life. All parents can do is to respect her. They cannot let their own anxieties affect their daughter's decisions and persistence. If their own ideas cause their daughter to compromise, it may ruin her happiness. But when you insist on being yourself, even if you are single, you can still be very happy and at ease! Slowly, you and your parents will get out of the entanglement and return to your own lives, living your own lives.

Of course, you can also choose the right opportunity to communicate with your parents calmly, honestly, and positively. Once you make your position clear and firm, explain your original intention of choosing to remain single. Let them know that even though you are single, you are doing well and you hope that they can understand and support this life you have chosen. I am sorry for the anxiety I have caused you, but you choose to enjoy your later years, and I have lived the life that belongs to me, which is good for both of us.

It may be tough to get away from your parents and even have such a conversation with them, but that's where you'll really grow! This choice is a win-win for you and your parents.

I really hope my answer helps! Best wishes to you!

Hello, question asker! I think you can also feel your parents' anxiety, and I know you want to help them feel better.

In your additional description, you wrote that your parents are the kind who are particularly good, not angry with you, and would rather bear it themselves than lose their temper with you. From these details, it can be inferred that the atmosphere in your family is relatively harmonious and the family members respect each other. With such a good family foundation, this problem is also easy to solve. Let's take a look at how to break the ice.

First, you can have a heart-to-heart with your parents about your problem, your thoughts on the problem, and your plans going forward.

Bring the problem to the surface, give your parents an opportunity to express their inner anxiety, and at the same time let them know that you understand their anxiety and that you want to solve this problem just as much as they do. In addition, you can also be honest with your parents about your views on this issue and discuss with them what methods can be used to solve this problem in the future, if possible.

Your parents will feel so much better when they know what you think. It'll help them to understand you better and to know what to do. And if you can take action and make plans, it'll be the best thing for them.

♣ Secondly, I really believe that changing the situation is more effective than trying to relieve your emotions.

Even though the description doesn't say why you're single, I get the feeling you're not totally against the idea of changing that status. So, is there any chance you could give it a go?

There are so many people who are single, not because they can't find someone, but simply because they want to be single. When your mindset changes, the situation will suddenly become clear. It's also a wonderful experience to enjoy the process of falling in love while you're young!

I really hope these tips help!

I possess the ability to read minds and sharing is a habit of mine. I am merely engaging in self-reflection.

When an individual reaches the age at which they are expected to establish a family unit, yet finds themselves lacking in romantic relationships and observes the families of others as already comprising children and grandchildren, it is challenging to fully comprehend the emotional state of such a person.

Despite my own feelings of anxiety, I believe it is impossible for anyone to fully comprehend the emotional experience of parents facing these circumstances.

The question thus arises as to whether persuasion of the parents in question might be a viable course of action.

The original poster has this idea, and I empathize with the poster's situation.

To be frank, the motivation may have been filial piety or compassion.

My objective was to alter my parents' perspective by elucidating the circumstances to them.

The proposal is, in essence, an exercise in futility.

I am not merely engaged in idle discourse, nor am I engaged in the disparagement of others.

I have a readily available exemplar in my immediate vicinity, which is why I am being so candid. I wish to articulate this viewpoint, and it may be disagreeable to hear, but it is, nevertheless, an accurate representation of the facts.

A 37-year-old male relative of mine remains unmarried.

I have introduced him to numerous individuals of the opposite sex.

He has either not yet found a partner or has yet to be approached by a potential partner.

If one does not find another person attractive, one will not expend the effort to look at them.

One may develop romantic feelings for another individual, yet simultaneously experience apprehension regarding their potential rejection.

It would be interesting to ascertain the number of individuals who experience a spontaneous romantic attachment and subsequently form a couple.

This kind of marriage of chance is truly a blessing from heaven.

Nevertheless, it seems reasonable to posit that the majority of romantic relationships require a certain degree of nurturing and attention.

It is a fallacy to believe that love can be experienced and then cease to exist without any discernible cause.

Individuals will offer solace, indicating that there is no necessity to hasten the process, to take one's time, and that when destiny intervenes, it cannot be impeded.

The concept of fate is a multifaceted one, and it is not clear what kind of person can wait for it.

One must possess the volition to love in order to await what is commonly referred to as "fate."

Love, like life,

One must treat and give with sincerity and dedication.

The question of who is suitable for falling in love at a certain age is not the primary concern.

It is not uncommon for individuals to remain unmarried into their thirties in the contemporary social context.

It is imperative that children be made aware of the following at this age:

Each individual exists within this world not merely for their own benefit.

A multitude of factors must be taken into account when considering one's own feelings.

It is also important to consider the feelings of others, such as the fact that one is still single today.

Frequently, we refrain from exerting excessive pressure on ourselves and others.

However, it is also important to avoid excessive selfishness.

In regard to the matter previously referenced by the original poster,

Should one truly desire to demonstrate filial piety,

Should one's objective be to assuage one's parents' concerns,

One must then take the time to reflect on the characteristics of the individual they wish to pursue.

In accordance with this criterion, one should endeavor to identify and pursue the object of one's desire.

The duration of this process may vary considerably, depending on various factors.

Provided one initiates the process, the halfway point has already been reached.

It is, in fact, quite simple to satisfy one's parents.

It is reasonable to posit that they will be gratified to observe your newly-found inclination to assume responsibility for your own affairs.

Such an action will also elicit a high level of satisfaction and happiness.

This kind of action

I posit that it is a more efficacious strategy than any form of persuasion.

Hello, question asker!

It's tough to give advice on how to handle your current feelings of guilt toward your parents when you're single. But I'm excited to chat with you and explore more possibilities when you're feeling troubled by this.

Respect your own feelings and choices!

In your article, you proudly shared your reality as a 34-year-old single person and boldly declared, "Depending on the situation, I will probably remain single forever." If being single is a deliberate choice you've made after careful consideration, then no matter what the wishes of other people, even your parents, your wishes are the most worthy of respect. After all, this is your own life, and you are already an adult who can make decisions independently — how empowering is that?

You can live your best life by following your heart! You'll have fewer regrets and remorse when you do.

[Open communication can ease parents' anxiety]

When you say, "My parents are anxious because I'm an older single," what do you think they are worried about? In today's diverse and inclusive society, the possibilities are endless when it comes to getting married or having children.

Even if you get married, there are still many divorces. Among couples who don't get divorced, there are often unhappy marriages with discord. But that just means there are plenty of opportunities for happy, loving marriages out there! Perhaps your parents would prefer that you are happy, even if you are old, rather than "lonely."

So, in your imagination of life and the future, is there any plan in this regard? If so, you can communicate honestly with your parents to reassure them that you can live your life well!

[Live your life to the fullest and reassure your parents]

You and your parents love each other very much! They worry silently, "depressed and unhappy," but they won't get angry with you. You also feel that they are very special, care about their feelings, worry about them, and want to enlighten them. Open and honest communication can make the love between you flow! It seems that your parents' worries about you are not unfounded. It may be precisely because you "don't have many friends and are lonely for a long time" that they have these thoughts.

I'm sure your parents would feel so much better if you could take care of yourself and make some new friends!

I really hope the questioner enjoys his life and lives in the present!

I really hope the questioner enjoys his life and lives in the present!

Dear questioner, Good afternoon.

My name is Kelly.

Perhaps we could discuss family anxieties?

I am 34 years old, single, and I anticipate that I will likely remain single, depending on circumstances. My parents are particularly concerned about this and express worry that I may experience loneliness in later life.

Given that the questioner is only 34 years old, it is difficult to predict whether he will remain single indefinitely. There is no need to impose a specific timeframe, as this age is not typically associated with advanced age. In my opinion, this is one of the most fulfilling stages in life.

It is understandable that parents might feel anxious about their children's future. It is also a common desire among parents to provide for their children's wellbeing.

It is also worth noting that this era will always present some challenges.

The collective unconscious is a well-known theory in analytical psychology, originally proposed by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung.

The collective unconscious could be described as the sum of primordial experiences inherited from one's ancestors. It is believed to be innate and accumulated in the depths of each mind through inheritance, becoming the psychological accumulation of the race.

Similarly, in traditional Chinese culture, there is a long-standing belief that it is preferable to get married before starting a career.

Our society is diverse, and there are many examples of this. One such example is the book "The Happy Life of Living Alone," which has become a super guide in Japan.

It also illustrates that being single is a common occurrence, or perhaps more accurately, a personal choice.

With regard to marriage, it is also not uncommon for couples to divorce. There are also individuals who are able to live well on their own as they age, such as Mr. Yang Jiang, who has aged gracefully on his own after losing his daughter and beloved husband.

Indeed, I also find myself with few friends and often feel lonely.

I wonder if the questioner would be so kind as to share their thoughts on whether they enjoy being alone.

If you are content with your situation and it does not impact your work or daily life, I believe it is possible to find enjoyment in solitude. Engaging in activities like reading, painting, working, eating, and listening to music can be a source of personal fulfillment.

Hobbies can be a great way to make the time pass quickly.

If you would like to socialize, there are ways to do so. The choice is yours.

Could I ask whether you like or dislike your current situation?

If I may ask, how would you feel if you had a good friend with you at the moment?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you feel a longing for it.

I'm unsure how to persuade my parents. They're very understanding, and they don't get angry with me anymore. However, seeing them so sad makes me feel guilty.

Perhaps the original poster doesn't need to persuade their parents. It might be enough to let them see that you're doing well.

I believe that if your parents see that you are capable of living a good life, they will be very gratified.

If I might make a suggestion, I would recommend personal growth. At the age of 34, you are at a good age to explore yourself more. Even if you don't want to get married, you can still find something you love.

You might consider visiting your city and browsing the bookstores, as well as participating in the bookstores' reading clubs. The cost is not high, and you may be able to find friends who share your interests.

You might also consider enjoying the fun of cooking and preparing some delicious food for your kind parents, which could demonstrate to them that you are capable of taking care of yourself and others.

Even if you're not looking for a romantic partner, you can still enjoy the company of friends.

I believe food can be a great vehicle.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider talking to a counselor if they feel that past experiences have made them less interested in pursuing a relationship.

Given the limited information and lack of understanding of the questioner's personal preferences, these are just some assumptions.

Anxiety about Parents: The host strives to maintain their own perspective and avoid being influenced by their parents.

It might be helpful to try to distinguish between your parents' emotions and your own.

After all, we are all individuals, and each of us is responsible for our own lives.

It might be helpful to remember that anxiety cannot be solved by comfort, and that everyone has it to a greater or lesser extent.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider whether their parents were more optimistic or more worried during their upbringing.

It might be helpful to communicate more with your parents if you feel they were optimistic people in the past, as this could help to lift their mood.

If your parents' mood is always like this, it might be helpful to communicate more with them and be honest with them. It's possible that your happiness and joy could also affect your parents' mood.

Perhaps we could try to grow up together.

If you would like to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

From what I can tell, the main character is very independent and also very respectful to her parents. She really wants to reassure her parents and understand their feelings. She isn't in a hurry to change her single status, but when she sees her parents who love her worrying and feeling depressed, she feels a sense of remorse and guilt. I can relate to this because my family went through the same thing many years ago. Fortunately, she is quite strong and has used her abilities and financial strength to reassure her parents. Now that she is more than halfway through life, her parents have long since been relieved, but after all, parents all over the world have the same heart. She does have some regrets, and she will remind us and our grandchildren to take care of her old age.

The good news is that there are now many different ways to provide for one's old age. If you have a positive attitude, the means to do so, and good health, you can live a happy and carefree life in your later years!

Be open and honest with them, and think about the pros and cons.

Since ancient times, it's been our cultural custom that "men should get married when they are old enough, and women when they are old enough." Adult children who are unmarried, infertile, divorced, or unemployed will all worry their parents. Older singles will be considered incomplete and unacceptable. It's only natural for parents who are bound by traditional concepts to be anxious. If their worries are easily magnified by a narrow life perspective, it's usually because parents are anxious about various reasons, such as outsiders' gossip, the family's strange looks, worries about their children's future lives, or even their own selfishness.

Use your life plan and strength to reassure your parents.

Luckily, even though the parents of the questioner have their own concerns, they can still appreciate their child's choice. It's clear that the attachment between the questioner and her parents is secure.

It's a good idea to talk to your parents about your future plans, including what you want to do in your later years, and whether you plan to get married or stay single. If you're able to, it's a great idea to show them your financial situation, as it can really help to put their minds at ease.

I also think that independent women are just as wonderful.

After all, society is different now. There are lots of independent women, and friends are not about quantity but quality. A few close friends are enough.

If you have the financial means, there's no need to get married just for the sake of it. In real life, there are so many examples of people who get married and then get divorced, and the physical and mental harm they suffer as a result.

"Marriage is like a besieged city: those outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out." If you're not willing, why put yourself through it?

?Shift the focus and help your parents enjoy their later years.

It's time to shift the focus and help your parents shine in their later years.

I believe the best way to help parents who are anxious and depressed about their marriage problems is to "act rather than think."

Everyone gets anxious sometimes. If you can spend more time with your parents, you can help them let go of their worries, relax, and think positively. You can help them find ways to relieve their emotions and expand their social circles. You can give them more positive affirmation or help them find groups with similar interests to enhance their vitality (such as singing, calligraphy, travel, etc.). You can help them set achievable small goals to change their current state of life, so that they have a new focus to escape the anxiety. If necessary, seek professional assistance to reduce the interference of anxiety on their body and emotions.

Life is short, but you can still live an exciting life in your later years. If you show your parents that it's possible to be happy in your old age, you'll set a good example for them and they may be more motivated!

Treat yourself with kindness and let go of any feelings of self-blame or guilt.

Treat yourself well, and don't beat yourself up over mistakes.

Love yourself and believe that every choice you make is the best choice for the moment. When you're single, you can lead a rich and colorful life as an independent woman, with financial independence and a good work-life balance. Most of these independent women around you are very wonderful. When the time is right, get married. Doing your part well can also make life exciting. If you're ready, you have the ability to create the life you want!

Marriage is just one option in life. You have the right to choose. Do your best and let go of the rest. Take care of yourself and live your own perfect life. You deserve to be happy!

Just wanted to share my thoughts with you in case they're helpful.

Wishing you all the best.

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach, Fei Yun.

You experience your parents' love and concern for your well-being and feel a profound sense of remorse for causing them distress over your personal issues. You strive to be a dutiful child, yet find yourself isolated and lacking in social connections.

I extend a warm embrace to you, my esteemed colleague. Prior to extending love and compassion to others, it is imperative to cultivate self-love and self-compassion. This is because we cannot bestow upon others what we do not possess within ourselves. Let us examine the issue in greater depth:

1. "A man should get married when he has reached an appropriate age, and a woman when she has reached an appropriate age." Parents have a natural inclination to care for their children.

Regardless of one's age, one will always be regarded by one's parents as their child, and they will never cease to raise them. However, children also have their own lives to lead. Even if it is challenging to do so, parents must ultimately "heartlessly" "send" their children out into the world.

I am confident that you can empathize with parents and recognize the involuntary nature of their love and concern for their children. If you can acknowledge this, the first step to alleviating your own anxiety is to reduce your feelings of distress.

For example, even if one is currently married, one's parents may still express concern regarding the quality of one's relationship with one's spouse, the occurrence of disagreements, and other related matters.

One might inquire as to the quality of childcare and the state of family relationships.

Even in the absence of any apparent cause for concern, parents will often express worry and anxiety about their children's well-being and safety. It is important to recognize that such concerns are not uncommon and are, in fact, a normal part of parenting.

Filial piety encompasses three key aspects: supporting one's parents, respecting one's parents, and honoring one's parents. It is a virtue that is deeply cherished by parents, and it is expressed through actions such as showing respect and gratitude to one's parents. This level of filial piety is regarded as a significant form of respect and gratitude.

It is therefore important not to feel guilty. Furthermore, the decision to marry is a personal one, and others cannot be expected to hasten the process.

2. Reclaim confidence and assume responsibility for your own life.

You have indicated that you intend to remain single indefinitely and that you have few friends, which has resulted in feelings of loneliness. One potential strategy for addressing these feelings is to add the words "for the time being" to your statements. For instance, you could say, "I'm only single for the time being," or "I only have no friends for the time being." This addition could help to instill a sense of confidence and energy.

"Where attention is focused, performance is generated." This implies that when we direct our attention toward a specific outcome, we are more likely to achieve that outcome.

For example, if one were to disseminate pertinent information on specific dating platforms, or solicit assistance from one's social circle, including enthusiastic colleagues, to facilitate introductions, or even engage in daily activities such as dancing in public spaces to expand one's social network, the issue of establishing new friendships could be effectively addressed.

The key is to cultivate self-confidence, sustain a positive outlook on life, and embrace self-acceptance. If we fail to appreciate ourselves, it is unlikely that others will do so either.

To enhance self-confidence, it is essential to elevate one's sense of self-worth. Frequent self-affirmation is a straightforward yet effective approach. Identifying and appreciating three positive attributes on a daily basis is a simple yet impactful method to foster self-assurance.

For example, this text allows us to identify three of your outstanding qualities: filial piety, empathy, and quietness.

A person's age is not necessarily indicative of their maturity level. Some individuals have obtained doctoral degrees at the age of 30 or earlier, while others remain at the age of 40 or 50 with the mentality of a 20-year-old.

Therefore, it is important to recognize that everyone has their own pace and that the "popular" standards are for reference only. As the saying goes, "Those who are meant to meet will come together no matter how far apart they are." If one makes a conscious effort to make friends, it is likely that the outcome will be positive.

One can alter one's appearance through changes in hairstyle and clothing style, which can also enhance one's self-appreciation.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned advice will prove beneficial to you and to the world at large. With love,

Should you wish to pursue the discussion further, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a Coach," which you will find in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will engage with you on a one-to-one basis, communicating and developing our relationship in a personal and direct manner.