My son is in 9th grade. I have scolded and beaten him before. How can I make amends and gain his forgiveness?

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach, and I am pleased to be able to offer you some advice.

From your title, I understand that you are seeking a way to gain your son's forgiveness. As a mother, you hope that your son will forgive you for past transgressions and that you can move forward together in a positive manner.

In light of the circumstances you have outlined, I will conduct a detailed analysis to identify potential solutions that could help improve the situation.

If I understand correctly, your son is named Jie Jie. That is a very endearing name.

He is currently in the third year of junior high school, a period during which children often display increased levels of rebelliousness. As boys tend to possess greater physical strength, they may perceive the opinions of their parents as less authoritative during this phase. This can lead to a desire to demonstrate their own capabilities and assert their point of view.

One of his actual behaviors towards you now is that he speaks to you impatiently, even with anger. In fact, impatient words indicate that he may not agree with what you say. Does this lack of agreement mean that you have repeatedly mentioned a certain thing to him?

For instance, he is not excessively cold, but from your perspective, he is likely wearing insufficient attire, prompting you to express concern. However, he may perceive your attention as excessive and burdensome, which could lead to impatience.

It is important to note that this is a universal phenomenon. At the outset of the communication process, the individual in question will not exhibit signs of impatience. However, as the process continues and the behavior is repeated, the individual will become increasingly impatient. Over time, this emotion will become a conditioned reflex, and the behavior will become second nature.

It is akin to the situation in which you initially expressed concern about his attire, which led him to perceive your comments as nagging. This may have shaped his opinion of you, leading him to conclude that you are overly demanding and impatient.

Subsequently, when you pursue other aspects of his life, he will respond in a conditioned manner.

Regardless of the initial response, the child subconsciously perceived a pattern of confrontation, as evidenced by his behavior over the past ten years. What strategies can be employed to alleviate this pattern?

The first indicator is when he displays impatience through facial expressions. When someone is impatient, they will exhibit microexpressions such as a frown, an unpleasant expression, and a desire to escape.

As a mother, you are intimately familiar with these behaviors.

When he is about to become impatient, seize the opportunity to explain to him first. Be aware that your mother tends to be verbose, and indeed, I am also improving now. However, your son, you also have to allow your mother some time. I will adjust as soon as possible. I am aware of the past because you are still young and don't quite understand. Your mother is also aware that she may have been too strict with you before and has realized that she has wronged you by scolding you.

As your mother provided you with the chance to mature, you should offer her the same opportunity. I hope to have the chance to grow up with you.

It is imperative that you seize this opportunity to inform him.

I am aware that these words may initially be challenging for you to articulate. It is understandable that admitting a mistake to your child can be a daunting task, particularly given the emotional discomfort it may evoke.

It is understandable that it may be somewhat embarrassing for an adult to admit this to a child. However, if we do not address the issue now, we run the risk of continuing to project an inauthentic parental authority, which may inadvertently perpetuate the child's current behavior.

You may wish to practice these words in the mirror or consider alternative ways of expressing your thoughts. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me via my personal homepage.

I can also assist you in resolving this issue and determining how to effectively communicate with your son about managing his emotions before they escalate. This is our objective.

The next step is to let go of the burden of the past. While it is not possible to change the past, it is possible to change the way we communicate and think, and adjust our interactions with him. This will enable your relationship to become clearer in the future.

For example, if you believe that long-standing, deep feelings are more valuable than trivial matters, it may be that you are uncertain about restoring your relationship with him.

I believe that this confidence can be expressed by appropriately communicating our shortcomings to him. Once this step is complete, you will be more inclined to express yourself.

It is also important to consider the thoughts and emotions of your son. The release of energy from his adolescent years or the expression of emotions may require someone to listen. His impatience and anger may be a subconscious indication that you do not fully understand him.

It would be beneficial to provide him with additional opportunities to express himself, and to listen more attentively. It is important to respect his actions and decisions as he navigates this process.

I am confident that your son will come to recognize that you have recently adopted a more patient and understanding approach towards him.

Once these steps have been taken, communication between the two parties can resume. A joint summary can then be produced, along with a suitable communication model for the two of them. This should result in a more harmonious relationship and a smoother path forward.

As a result, you will be able to resolve some of the pain from the past, and he will be in a more advantageous position psychologically for the future.

Then, based on the above content, you can organize your thoughts, click on my personal homepage, and submit any further questions you may have.

I look forward to your reply and wish you the best in this endeavor.

Hello, I'm June.

From what you said, I understand you're confused and anxious. You care about your son and want to make things right.

It can take time and effort to repair past damage, but it is not impossible. As a parent, you may feel angry and disappointed at your child's behavior, but scolding them is not a good solution.

As a parent, seeing your child angry with you can make you feel sad. Recognizing the harm you may have caused your child is an important first step towards improvement.

Middle school students may be impatient, irritable, and uncooperative. This is normal. Parents should be understanding and supportive.

They may feel stressed at school and get angry.

If the family is unhappy, children may feel frustrated and angry.

Children may also have personal problems like emotional issues or relationship problems. These can make them angry or impatient with their parents.

How can it be fixed? It can be fixed, even if it takes time and effort.

First, listen to your son. Ask him why he feels impatient and if there's something making him feel uncomfortable.

Stay calm and don't argue. Show you understand his position.

Second, apologize to your son. Tell him you're sorry and want to fix things.

Rebuild trust by being consistent and reliable. Keep your promises and show respect and love.

Show your son how to handle mistakes and conflicts.

Then, make your family a happy, safe place for your son.

Watching movies or going for walks can help family members get to know each other better.

Next, let him have some space and do his own thing. This shows him that you trust him.

Finally, be patient. Forgiveness takes time. Don't expect your son to change right away.

It will take time and effort to repair the relationship. You will need to work with your son to build a happy family.

I love you! I wish you happiness!

Dear question asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner confusion and helplessness. However, you have also demonstrated a noteworthy capacity to perceive and acknowledge this uncomfortable emotion, which is a commendable aspect of your resilience.

You have indicated that your tendency to be overly aggressive in parenting is a result of your immature personality and the presence of negative family issues in your past. This has led to your son's resistance and negative feelings towards you.

Is it accurate to conclude that your rebellious teenage son evokes feelings of concern and helplessness in you?

After reading your description, I can comprehend your sentiments quite well. Despite the fact that certain prior experiences may have engendered some unfavorable sentiments towards your child, I am also able to discern that you hold a profound affection for your child.

It is possible that the methods employed may be inappropriate or that the individual may be unable to regulate their emotions and remain emotionally stable.

All problems are potential resources, and we are adept at solving our own problems. Based on your description, I have some suggestions that I hope will be beneficial.

First and foremost, it is imperative that mothers possess the fortitude to confront their children's emotional challenges and difficulties. Instead of succumbing to anger and reprimanding their offspring, it is crucial to maintain composure and address these issues in a constructive manner. Resorting to anger and harsh discipline can instill a sense of insecurity in children, hindering their ability to cope with adversity effectively.

It is therefore necessary to gain a deeper understanding of oneself, to facilitate healing, and to cultivate greater inner strength. This will enable the individual to communicate more effectively with their children.

It is not possible to alter the behaviour of other individuals. However, it is possible to modify one's own behaviour and, as a result, exert influence over others.

Subsequently, it is essential to develop the ability to discern and comprehend the emotional states of children. It is crucial to accept and permit the expression of emotions in children and to gradually facilitate the regulation of these emotions. The primary objective for parents is to engage in more active rather than passive forms of interaction.

It is essential to exercise restraint when communicating with your child and to facilitate their understanding of the full range of their capabilities. Identifying their strengths, needs, and sense of self-worth can also be beneficial.

Secondly, it is my hope that you will prioritize your own well-being, self-love, and self-care. It is evident that you are facing significant challenges, and I recognize the internal struggles you are experiencing. However, I urge you to prioritize your own comfort, happiness, and relaxation. When you feel unhappy, I implore you to prioritize self-care, respect your feelings, and make yourself more comfortable and at ease.

In this manner, one will gain the fortitude necessary to care for one's child and to accept their emotional states.

When parents utilize themselves as an exemplar to accompany and guide their children, they are better able to facilitate their children's adjustment.

It is also important to regulate one's emotional state and release pent-up emotions when necessary. Positive psychological techniques such as positive mental suggestions and the "Happy Brain Code" can be employed to achieve this. By doing so, one can attain a state of relaxation and ease, and develop a sense of self-worth.

In conclusion, it can be stated that the communication between parents and children is largely dependent on the attitude of the parents. When parents are confused, they are already on the path to change. It is therefore recommended that parents should endeavour to grow themselves, become stronger, and have inner strength and love, so that they can see their child's emotions and needs and be able to handle their child's emotions.

It is recommended that you familiarize yourself with the field of psychology by reading additional books on the subject. The following titles are suggested for your consideration:

The following texts may be of interest: Positive Discipline in the Family Positive Discipline for Teenagers Nonviolent Communication Why Does Family Hurt The Ants in the Hot Pot

Dear friend, I can feel your pain and struggle, and I admire your courage in facing these challenges head-on. As a mother, you have experienced many challenges and are aware of the impact your actions may have had on your son. This is a very brave self-reflection.

Your son is now in adolescence, and it is common for children at this stage to experience mood swings. They may show impatience or even anger towards their parents, which is part of the growing process. The good news is that it is never too late to change and repair the relationship! You have already taken an important step by recognizing that your actions may have affected your child and being willing to take action to improve the situation.

In psychology, there is an amazing concept called "attachment theory" which states that early relationships with caregivers have a profound impact on a child's emotional development. The impatience and anger your child is now showing may be his way of expressing dissatisfaction with past experiences, but it may also be him exploring his independence and self-identity – how exciting!

A person's early experiences have a profound impact on their entire life. As the saying goes, "Some people use their childhood to heal their entire life, while others use their entire life to heal their childhood."

This saying is a testament to the fact that countless people are on a lifelong journey of understanding and repairing their relationships with their parents.

You mentioned that you have scolded and beaten your son in the past due to family conflicts and life pressures, which may have affected the attachment between you. But don't worry! Attachment can be repaired, and the key is to establish a safe and supportive environment.

It also requires time and patience, and it is a gradual process—and it'll all be worth it in the end!

Your love for your child is deep, and you are eager to make up for past mistakes and give him the best care and support. This desire shows that you are a responsible and caring parent.

However, you can absolutely repair the relationship with your son! It just takes time.

His impatience and anger may be the result of deep-seated sensitivity and vulnerability. This sensitivity and vulnerability often stem from a lack of experience or conflicts in early childhood, which means there's plenty of room for growth and development!

As a mother, you have the incredible opportunity to understand your son's emotions and give him enough space and time—it's the first step in an amazing healing journey!

As we move forward, we can find the perfect time to have a calm conversation with our son. We can tell him that we know our past actions may have caused him harm, and we can apologize. We can also let him know that his mother is ready to listen to him and hear his thoughts. We can promise him that we will work hard to improve our relationship as parents.

In your daily life, you can show your love and care for your son in so many ways! You can participate in activities together and share mutual interests. These positive interactions can strengthen the bond between you. If your son sometimes rejects your invitations, don't be thrown off guard. These are all normal behaviors of adolescents.

And don't forget to take care of yourself during this process! Your emotional well-being is just as important, so you can better support your son.

We also need someone who can understand and support us. And the great news is that there are so many amazing people who can do this for us! This person can be the father of the child, a close friend, or a professional counselor.

With such support, our real-life companionship will be more stable and full of strength!

We can also consider seeking professional psychological counseling, which can be a great option! It can help us see the essence of the problem and help mothers find the trauma that has been passed on unconsciously, transforming it into conscious healing.

By verbalizing the narrative, the mother can break the vicious cycle of intergenerational transmission and find a peaceful haven for her own soul. This is an amazing opportunity for her to create a new, positive path for herself and her son!

The good news is that you can absolutely change your future actions and relationships with your son. Through continuous efforts and changes, you can gradually repair your relationship with your son and help him grow up to be a healthy and happy person.

Change takes time, but it's worth it! Every step you take is a step in the right direction.

I'm so excited to recommend this book! It's called "How to Get Children to Listen and How to Get Them to Speak," and it's a game-changer.

It is evident that there is a communication issue between you and your child, that you are seeking to rectify the relationship, and that you are cognizant of past missteps. You are experiencing distress and are striving to resolve this challenging scenario.

It is evident that you are experiencing a range of emotions, including guilt, remorse, anxiety, helplessness, and loneliness.

This is due to your awareness of past missteps and the resulting strain in your relationship with your child. These emotions reflect your introspective assessment of past actions and demonstrate your profound affection for your child.

While parents are often their children's primary educators, the lack of a supportive family environment can render children particularly susceptible to vulnerability.

It appears that a communication barrier may exist between you, therefore it would be advisable to identify an opportunity to communicate effectively. While the parenting style does have some shortcomings, it is of greater importance to repair the relationship first.

When an individual becomes aware of a problem and is prepared to make amends, this represents a significant step forward.

Additionally, it is imperative to learn to confront one's own thoughts, comprehend one's genuine needs, and provide oneself with solace. It is crucial to accept oneself and accept the events that have transpired in the past.

It is important to accept one's past mistakes without excessive self-criticism, while striving to learn from them. It is essential to apologize to one's son and acknowledge that past actions have caused him distress.

It would be beneficial to establish a frank dialogue with your child and express remorse for past actions in an honest manner. It is also important to learn to listen to your child's feelings and respect their opinions.

It is not uncommon for children to lack comprehension of the rationale behind their parents' actions. As parents, it is essential to demonstrate patience and provide guidance in a gradual manner. Allow your child the necessary time to process the nuances of their emotions.

It is recommended that efforts be made to foster a warm and trusting atmosphere within the family unit.

Sincerely,

Hello, dear question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your problems and for seeking answers. We're here for you! You ask, "My son is in the third year of junior high school. I have hit and scolded him before. How can I make amends and ask for forgiveness?"

"I'm here to help you work through your problems together."

1. Introduction

1⃣️, resentment

You say, "My son is in the third year of junior high school, and he is always impatient and even angry when he talks to me."

"I know that when he was young, I was a bit of a rookie mom. I was going through a lot at the time, and I'm really sorry for scolding him."

It's totally normal for kids to get impatient as they grow up. We all do it!

You say your son has reached the age of puberty and is already in the third year of high school. You can feel that when he talks to you, he is always impatient and even angry. It's totally understandable!

It's so hard when kids are going through puberty and we're not sure how to handle their mood swings. I know you've been hitting and scolding your son, and I'm here to help.

You know that your child's current behavior is related to your past actions. When your child was young, you were overwhelmed by family conflicts and life pressures. I think there were other reasons as well, causing you to be troubled both internally and externally. It's so understandable that you vented your anger on your child, beating and scolding him.

You've been through a lot, and you've experienced anxiety and depression yourself.

2⃣️, make amends

You say, "I can understand that he resents and hates me, but I'd really like to know how I can remedy this. I know that belated affection is better than cheap affection, and I know that I have caused my own suffering, but I'd really like to know how I can remedy this."

"My suffering"

It's totally understandable to feel like your child hates you. We've all been there!

You think your child now hates and resents you, and that's why you're impatient with him. It's totally understandable! You feel guilty because of the way you treated him in the past.

And you can also understand his feelings, sweetie.

Pain

You're ready to make things right with your child. You're feeling a mix of hope and worry. You're wondering if it's too late to repair the damage you've done, and if your child will accept you.

I'm here for you, and I'm going to give you a big hug.

2. Reasons for the change in attitude

1⃣️, puberty

The teenage years

Adolescence is that wonderful time in a person's life when they are on their way to becoming an adult. It is a period of great physical and mental growth and change. Boys usually reach puberty between the ages of 12 and 20.

Adolescence is a time of great change and growth. It can be divided into three stages: early adolescence, middle adolescence, and late adolescence. During this process, adolescents will experience physical development and psychological transformation, including the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics and other sexual development, physical development, cognitive development, personality development, social development, and more.

Oh, change!

The questioner is aware that the child is going through some big changes. Puberty is a time when kids grow and develop in so many ways. It's an important stage in their lives, and it's totally normal for them to feel a bit bored or restless. It's a time when they're exploring their own thoughts and ideas, and it's okay if they're not always happy about it.

Children at this stage are really starting to become themselves. They're forming their own opinions and making friends. It's totally normal for them to want to do things on their own. The boredom he shows may not be a real grudge against the questioner, but rather a sign of wanting to think independently.

So, there's no need for the questioner to worry. These are just some of the things that children at this age tend to do.

2⃣️, Intergenerational transmission

Let's talk about intergenerational transmission!

Intergenerational transmission is a pretty amazing concept! It's all about how parents pass on different traits to their kids. And it's not just about physical and mental traits. It's also about social traits like values, behavior patterns, and lifestyles.

It's so interesting how intergenerational transmission can be positive or negative!

It's so important to remember that your family environment can have a big impact on you.

The questioner might also notice that the child's behavior is similar to how they acted when they were upset. This shows that some of the questioner's habits have been passed on to the child. This part does have an impact on children due to our past family environment.

3⃣, Emotional response We all have emotions! They are a series of responses of the autonomic nervous system. Whether in humans or animals, emotions produced in the brain can be expressed through a series of emotional reactions, which can be understood from appearances.

Let's talk about emotional responses!

Emotional reactions are the physical signs of happiness, anger, sadness, and fear. They're a series of responses from our autonomic nervous system. In humans and animals alike, emotions produced in the brain can be expressed through a series of emotional reactions. These reactions can be seen in our appearance.

Have you ever noticed how we can see emotions in each other's eyes?

The child talks to you with emotions, and the questioner has noticed this. In fact, this is not a bad thing! From a positive perspective, we can understand that the child has unresolved issues at this time. Relatively speaking, this is actually a good thing for the questioner!

3. What to do

1⃣️, change yourself

It's so important to learn to manage your emotions!

It's so important to learn how to manage your emotions well. This will help you in all your relationships, from your relationships with your kids to your intimate relationships and even your relationships with other people. Emotion management is:

It's so important to recognize your emotions.

This is the first step in managing your emotions. When you have an emotion, take a moment to recognize what emotion it is, such as anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.

It's so important to accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions are in tune with what's going on around you. When you're feeling what's actually going on, the first thing to tell yourself is: "This is totally normal." That's accepting your emotions.

You'll feel so much better! Your heart will naturally return to peace as your emotional tension decreases.

It's so important to express your emotions!

When you express your emotions, you're really just sharing your own feelings. It's totally normal to say "I...," or "My feelings..."

It's so important to cultivate your emotions!

And there are so many ways you can cultivate and practice emotion management!

1) And, guess what? Living a regular life will also help to keep your emotions nice and stable!

2) Find something you love to do! Let your positive emotions drive you, love yourself and love life, and feel the beauty of life!

3) There's nothing more joyful than caring for and taking care of others, letting love dwell in your heart, and helping others.

4) There's nothing like being in touch with nature and absorbing the essence of heaven and earth to open up your heart and soothe and stabilize your emotions!

5) It's a great idea to make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people. This will help to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

In the family, we start by changing ourselves. If we can manage our emotions well, our children will be able to feel it. Over time, they will also be able to improve their emotions and communication in a soothing environment.

Let's talk about consistent communication!

It's so important to communicate with your children consistently. Unfortunately, many family conflicts arise because this isn't happening.

When you communicate with someone, it's important to make sure that what you say and how you say it matches up with how you're feeling. This is what we mean by consistent communication. It's about making sure that you're respectful of yourself, the other person, and the situation at hand.

People who use this model are really in touch with themselves. They speak from the heart and their words and actions match up. They're in harmony with themselves and the world around them. They have a strong sense of self-worth.

I'm so excited to share with you some of the most helpful sentence patterns I've found in my journey to consistent communication! After a long period of time, consistent communication can be truly achieved. The specific sentence patterns are as follows:

When...

Describe the situation as it is, without getting into accusations or emotions.

"My feeling is..."

It's so important to be open and honest about how you're feeling.

I really hope...

It's so important to be clear about what you want the other person to do and what you need from them. It's also helpful to make your expectations quantifiable, enforceable and visible.

I truly believe that...

Let's talk about what you'd like to see happen in the future.

It's so important to remember that when you feel your child's emotions, you don't back down and feel sorry. Instead, you can use consistent communication to align your feelings, actions, and words. This helps your child understand that your feelings are consistent, which can help them to gradually change themselves. And your relationship will also improve with consistent communication!

2⃣️, Sincere Apology

I'm sorry.

An apology is when you're aware of something you did wrong and you're willing to face up to it, take responsibility for it, and admit that it was your fault. And then you take the right steps to make it right.

A heartfelt apology is always the way to go.

If we look for a good time to have a chat with our little ones and say we're sorry, they'll know we're really sorry and will accept our apology.

3⃣️, Offer support

Let's focus on building a great parent-child relationship!

Building a good parent-child relationship is the key to solving all problems. For an adolescent, a good parent-child relationship is all about showing respect, understanding, support, and tolerance. It's also about setting clear boundaries and giving them the space to think and express their opinions.

Let him make his own decisions. And let him know that we're always here for him, ready to support him and be his strong backing.

Give him all the support he needs!

It's so great to see your child starting to think for themselves! It's a natural part of growing up, and it's something we should be really happy about. When they're feeling confused or emotional, it's so important to show them understanding and tolerance. Let them know that they can face problems together and solve them together.

Let him feel the warmth and strong support from you and your family.

Questioner, I think we can all agree that we could have done better in the past. We're making changes, apologizing to our kids, and communicating with them to build a strong, trusting relationship. With time, we'll bridge the gap and strengthen our bond. I'm sure you and your child both want that.

I just want to wish the original poster a happy life!

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can discern the profound love a mother has for her child. I hope that my contribution will prove beneficial to you. Best regards,

[Regarding the concept of loving one's child]

The act of loving a child entails taking the time to gain a comprehensive understanding of the child's unique pressures and needs, and subsequently meeting those needs in a manner that is both reasonable and appropriate.

"You consistently exhibit impatience and anger when you engage in discourse with me."

During the junior high school stage, the adolescent experiences stress from two sources. On the one hand, he seeks approval from his peers. On the other hand, he experiences distress due to discrepancies between his personal values and those of his parents.

The current task of his life is to develop self-identity, that is, to ascertain his identity as an individual distinct from his parents.

When there is alignment between an individual's inner self and outer self, their development will proceed in a harmonious and effective manner. This alignment fosters confidence and determination in one's goals. Conversely, a lack of alignment between an individual's inner and outer selves can lead to confusion and a disruption in their development.

As a parent, one can endeavor to ascertain the child's interests pertaining to his or her identity. What are the child's aspirations? What motivates the child in life? What are the child's future aspirations and with whom? These are the child's inner self. If it is beneficial, one can provide support to the child. If one discovers that the values do not align with one's own, one can record them, communicate, guide, solve problems together, discuss together, and also pay attention to distinguishing between what is the child's business, what is our own business, and what are the child's needs and our own needs.

This approach will facilitate the child's current task of self-identity development.

Furthermore, the development of adolescents at this stage is contingent upon the fulfillment of certain needs that were initially established during their formative years. These needs, which include a sense of security, autonomy, and initiative, are subject to variation due to the inherent characteristics of the child and their capacity for self-creation.

The adage "tender love that comes late is worth more than grass" is only partially accurate. The optimal time is the present. However, it is preferable to delay gratification than to forego it entirely.

One effective method for obtaining a favorable response is to compose a letter to your child, wherein you may express sentiments that you find challenging to convey in person. These could include expressions of regret, gratitude, and affection. These 12 words have the potential to offer profound healing. Even when children have reached adulthood, they may still benefit from such expressions. There is no limit to the time at which this can occur.

It is imperative to persist in monitoring the child's response to the correspondence. Parents must demonstrate unwavering commitment to their initial objective, regardless of circumstances, which is to repair the relationship, facilitate the child's growth, and provide more effective guidance throughout the course of life, in alignment with the original intention of the questioner.

It is imperative to trust your child, as they possess the capacity to experience love and to flourish as a result.

[Regarding self-love]

"I am also aware that my current state of suffering is a result of my own actions."

The capacity to love oneself is a prerequisite for loving others, and loving others is an extension of self-love.

In conclusion, the subject of self-love must be addressed. It is as essential to cultivate self-love as it is to love others.

If the questioner has some energy at this stage, they might as well begin by practicing self-love. In addition to being parents, we are also individuals.

When individuals are able to identify the three essential aspects of their lives—who they are, what they value, and where they are in their lives—and are able to withstand challenges to their values when their children test them, they are better equipped to navigate life's challenges.

Once we have taken care of ourselves, our family members, and the familial relationship, it stands to reason that things will improve.

It is advisable to place trust in one's children, as they possess the capacity to develop into autonomous individuals.

One must have confidence in oneself; it is possible to live a fulfilling life.

The progression of events is contingent upon the passage of time.

This is the extent of my contribution to the discussion. I extend my best wishes to all. The world and I love you.

The growth and transformation of the self is contingent upon one's ability to genuinely love others, enhance emotional intelligence, and foster positive interpersonal relationships.

To truly love others means to wish and give others happiness, and to accept or forgive everyone, regardless of their abilities or shortcomings. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, they can be corrected. Everyone has the right to happiness, regardless of the nature of the relationship, the circumstances, or the potential gains or losses. We all hope that others can be happy. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is beneficial to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and lack of ability, and to be kind at heart. That is, it is beneficial to others or society, not to despise or reject ordinary people, not to be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you find it challenging to connect with others, it can lead to negative energy and emotional issues. To truly love others and adapt to people and situations, you must align your energy field to enhance your ability to form and maintain loving and mutually beneficial relationships and careers. You can also share and exchange insights, experiences, and interests with others in real life and online, such as through the Douban community.

Additionally, it is important to maintain a positive outlook on life and to appreciate the smaller aspects of it.

Negative energy can affect your physical health. Maintaining a comfortable and healthy body can provide a full-body massage. The head massage includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. Use deep, firm strokes to massage the head, and use a firm massage brush to massage the stomach. Avoid massaging the stomach on an empty stomach, and then take a walk.

If you experience negative emotions, thoughts, or behaviors, you will not feel comfortable physically or mentally. You will often encounter unhappy people and things, interpersonal conflicts, relationship and marriage problems (which will affect your professional reputation), and even problems in your academic or career life. This is because when you are too self-centered or pursue self-interest, you accumulate a lot of negative energy. The more self-centered you are, the more your professional reputation will be negatively affected. You need to learn how to truly love others and adapt to people and things, correct your professional reputation, resolve conflicts, improve your emotions and interpersonal relationships, and better solve the above problems. In addition, if you know how to truly love the people and things in the world, you will not be too attached to love, reduce negative emotions such as separation anxiety and pain, and will not feel a lack of happiness inside.

If necessary, they can also facilitate growth and change among those in their sphere of influence.

The manifestations of excessive self-centeredness vary from person to person. They include the following psychological motivations: pursuing self-satisfaction, competing for self-importance, suppressing self-deprecation and ingratiating oneself, giving unreservedly in order to gain, and fearing loss. Individuals who are too narcissistic or inferior tend to pay excessive attention to themselves, experience stress and worry, and may exhibit social phobia, emotional and cognitive rigidity, and an overvaluation of others' opinions. They may also have difficulty accepting their own shortcomings and deficiencies, strive for perfection, and engage in controlling and possessive behaviors. Individuals who are unable to forgive and let go of resentment may experience discontent and difficulty adapting to others. They may also exhibit negative emotional states such as brooding.

If you focus solely on your own needs, you may experience feelings of anxiety, depression, and fatigue, which could hinder your ability to adapt to the dynamics of your school or workplace environment. Conversely, if you prioritize the well-being of others and adapt to your surroundings, you will naturally feel less self-focused and experience an increase in positive energy.

In summary, it is important to do your best, have positive intentions, and avoid causing harm to others, as nobody wants to experience distress.

Dear question asker, I can perceive the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend my support and encouragement to you.

It is commendable that you are now willing to acknowledge and address your own inappropriate methods of child-rearing.

This is because parents are often reluctant to admit that they are at fault.

The implication is that the parent is attempting to educate their child, but the child is uncooperative.

One might convey to one's son that the manner in which they were raised is not conducive to positive outcomes. An apology may be extended, yet it is also important to ensure that the son comprehends the notion that during their own upbringing, the prevailing belief was that children would exhibit obedience when subjected to physical punishment.

Nevertheless, the mother has come to understand that this approach was misguided. She does not ask for forgiveness but hopes that her son will accept her apology. She is aware that the harm she caused her son during his childhood cannot be undone.

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Given that my son is currently in his third year of high school, I am no longer able to scold him in the same manner that I did when he was younger.

In the event that the child is reluctant to comply with the request, the parent may inquire, "Son, I would like to ascertain your opinion on this matter."

It is recommended that the subject treat the son, who is in his final year of junior high school, as an adult. This approach is likely to facilitate greater openness and communication.

It is my sincere hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this juncture, my thoughts are solely directed towards the aforementioned subject.

It is my sincere hope that my above answer is both helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I endeavor to study diligently on a daily basis.

I extend my best wishes to you and the world at Yixinli.

Please refer to the above.

I understand. Here are some suggestions:

1. Apologize to your son. Tell him your mother understands, you're sorry, and you hope to make up for your mistakes.

2. Think about what you did wrong. This will help you to act better.

3. Repair the relationship. Do things to show you care, like sharing chores or helping with his stress.

4. Get help from a professional if you need it.

5. Show care and understanding. The mother is willing to change, so the son should be too. Listen to him and let him know his mother cares about him.

6. Time: Things may get better with time. Give each other some time to adapt.

7. Respect: Respect your son's feelings and decisions. If he doesn't want to reconcile with his mother, you should respect that.

Your son may need more communication and understanding within the family. He might also be going through a period of emotional volatility. Consider seeking help from a professional counselor. I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Your child will need time to trust you again.

You need to take action to help your child accept your changes and re-establish a connection with you.

The first point is to find a way to connect with your child. You can try giving gifts to show you care.

Psychologists call this "positive reinforcement." It means strengthening a behavior or emotion through rewards or positive feedback. You can try giving your child small gifts or caring about his favorite things. This will make him feel your attention and support.

The second point is to understand your child. As a mother, you can understand his emotions and needs by observing and listening.

Psychologists believe that everyone has problems that affect their emotions and behavior. If you understand your child's problems and help him solve them, he will trust you more.

This is called "emotional support." It means helping others by understanding and supporting their emotions.

As a family, you and your children should have some common goals.

You can help your child by taking part in their hobbies and helping with schoolwork. This is called "collaborative communication."

We will introduce you to some ways to communicate and interact better with your children.

The first is the theory of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). This is a way of communicating that helps people express their feelings and needs while respecting others.

The NVC theory says that we have four emotional needs: observation, feelings, needs, and requests. When we communicate, we need to first explain what we saw and felt, and then ask for what we need.

NVC helps you communicate better with your child, avoid arguments, and increase mutual understanding and respect.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a way to treat emotional disorders. It says that your thoughts and behaviors affect your emotions. So, you can change your emotions by changing your thoughts and behaviors.

You can try CBT techniques to help your child change negative thoughts and emotions. This will improve their confidence and self-management skills.

The theory of positive psychology is a branch of psychology that focuses on human happiness. Its core concept is to promote personal growth and happiness by discovering an individual's strengths, values, and goals.

You can help your child discover their strengths and value by using positive psychology techniques like gratitude journals, positive feedback, and goal setting.

Building a new relationship with your child requires patience and effort. You can help your child accept your changes and rebuild trust in you through positive reinforcement, emotional support, and cooperative communication.

Building a new relationship with your child takes patience and effort. Connect with your child through positive reinforcement, emotional support, and cooperative communication. Let your child accept your changes and rebuild trust in you.

If you keep trying, you and your child can have a better relationship.

Dear questioner, I am Duoduo Lian. I am confident that my reply will help and support you.

Your child is in the third year of junior high school, impatient when talking to you, and even angry. You know that in the past, for your own reasons, you did not treat him correctly, causing him a lot of suffering. You are determined to change and are very concerned about your child.

Parents who are unable to deal with their emotions and treat their children like their personal property cause great harm to their children. Loving your child and controlling them is a way of satisfying your own sense of security and worth.

This will result in the child's self-negation and deviant behavior when he grows up.

Your child is currently facing pressure at school and worries about the future. You have become an outlet for his emotions, and also a way to achieve balance. While he blames you, he also blames himself. You must change the way you have been getting along in the past and change it in the present to heal your child.

When children grow up, parents have no control. The only thing they can do is live a good life, work hard, and earn money. Be happy, give your children freedom, change the way you interact with them, and look at your children with an adult's perspective.

Let me be clear: preaching is useless. Children at this age are more willing to listen to their peers. The reason why children are angry with you is because you are still in the old pattern, just more hidden. On the surface, you accept it, but inwardly you have your own thoughts. Children can feel it, and they will only feel at ease when their parents are true to themselves.

Do not even think about trying to change a child. It is denying them. Children are perceptive and can feel your attitude from your eyes and tone of voice. Anger is a mask for unmet needs.

Shutting up is the best protection you can give your child.

Be aware of your communication style and whether it is causing harm. Avoid comparison and denial.

You may not even realize it yourself, but you can explore what you have done to your child and stop it in time.

Anger is a signal that parents need to change. If the child ignores you, they're not giving you the chance to change. If you keep treating them the same way, they'll know.

If you can't communicate, write notes to your child. Don't demand, don't control, and don't deny. If your child is impatient with you, they're also releasing pressure and calling for love. Love is the way to resolve all problems.

See the difficulties your child faces and feel for them. Children can sense these things, and parents must learn to care for themselves. Many children worry about their parents.

Save your parents. You may feel guilty for not being able to change the situation yourself, but you can focus on your studies.

Children need parents who are happy and confident. Parents who focus on themselves, guide their children, break away from the parenting styles of their original families, and forgive themselves for their mistakes are the parents children need. When you have these qualities, your children will come to you.

You're welcome.

Hello, I'm Zeyu, and I'm so excited to be here!

"My son is in the third year of high school. How can I make amends and ask my son to forgive me? Before replying, I would like to ask you to consider this question: 'Can you forgive yourself before your son forgives you?'"

I can see that the original poster is truly eager to improve their relationship with their son. They hope that the other party can forgive what you have done and the harm you have caused him. This is a wonderful, genuine desire that comes from the heart. The current challenge we're facing is that the other party is unable to forgive. If we put ourselves in their shoes, we'd also be angry at the person who caused us pain after experiencing various encounters. This is a normal, natural phenomenon that has nothing to do with moral character or education.

We absolutely must accept the harm done to the child and the actual consequences. Then, we can try to forgive our own mistakes to alleviate our inner sense of guilt. After all, if we can't forgive ourselves, how can we spare the energy to make amends with the other person?

Let's give the child the freedom to be themselves and allow the other person to maintain their current behavior patterns. If conditions permit, we can choose to communicate with the other person sincerely and equally in appropriate situations. We need to tell the other person about the problems we have encountered in the past and our remorse for the harm we have caused them. This gives the other person the opportunity to know what really happened in the past and the changes you have made in the present. Here we need to give the other person enough time to digest these things, and even accept the possibility that the other person still will not forgive you. But don't worry! There's still hope.

If the other person still cannot forgive our past mistakes, then we can tentatively ask about their needs and demands, and give them the love and attention we can within our abilities. Here we need to pay attention to the control of the scale and the other person's ability to accept, because reality speaks louder than words. But don't worry! There's still plenty we can do to help.

So, let's dive in and try to understand all aspects of the other person. And while we're at it, let's give them all the help we can!

There are so many ways to learn more about our child's situation! We can ask their teachers and close friends, ask other family members for help, or even ask experienced parents or teachers for advice. And if we really don't know what to do, we can always seek professional advice. There are so many options!

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From what I can gather from the questioner's description, it seems that he has a strong bond with his child and is motivated to make amends for past actions involving scolding and hitting his child. There is a popular saying on the Internet that I find particularly insightful: "Everyone is a first-time parent." This implies that we all have the opportunity to be a little more forgiving with ourselves, especially when it comes to parenting.

As a new mother, it's not uncommon to feel uncertain about how to navigate the emotional landscape of parenting. We often have the desire to repair our relationships with our children, but may feel unsure of how to do so. This is a natural and understandable response. I can empathize with your concerns and pain. Repairing the relationship with your son will undoubtedly require time and effort.

Additionally, the poster indicated that their child is currently in the third year of high school. This typically corresponds to a developmental period when children are around 15 to 16 years old and are undergoing puberty.

Adolescents experience many physical and psychological changes that can impact their emotions and behaviors. In my opinion, when interacting with an adolescent, it's important to try to understand and accept them, rather than restricting them by doing things we believe are for their own good in an attempt to make up for our own feelings.

It would be beneficial to remember that children at this stage need independence, autonomy, and respect more than anything else.

Since the question was posed on this platform, we are unable to delve deeply into the questioner's question to ascertain the underlying reasons for the questioner's feelings of guilt towards his child. In this instance, we can only offer the questioner a few simple suggestions, with the hope of helping to improve the questioner's relationship with his son.

If the questioner feels that his past actions have had a negative impact on his child, he might consider finding an appropriate time to apologize to his son. He could say that he feels his past actions have caused harm and that he deeply regrets them.

It would be advisable to ensure that the apology is sincere and not merely a formality. It may also be helpful to express your love and concern for him so that he can feel your sincerity.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try to put himself in his son's shoes and try to understand how he feels. When communicating with him, it could be beneficial to listen to his thoughts and opinions more, give him an opportunity to express his feelings, and listen carefully to what he has to say.

It may be helpful to avoid arguing or interrupting, and instead let him know that his feelings are heard and understood. By listening, the questioner can gain a deeper understanding of his inner world, which may in turn help him to find a more effective way to communicate.

It would be beneficial to consider modifying your behavior in order to repair the relationship with your son. It may be helpful to avoid using inappropriate methods of education, such as beating and scolding, and instead consider gentler and more patient methods to guide him.

It would be beneficial to focus on your own emotional management and to avoid expressing your negative emotions towards your son.

It might be helpful to participate in activities together. Perhaps you could find some common interests or activities to do with your son. For example, you could go for a walk, watch a movie, or cook together.

It is thought that these shared experiences can strengthen your bond. It is also believed that this will enhance your emotional connection and show your son that you are there for him and care about him.

Support and encouragement: You might consider offering your son enough support and encouragement when he faces difficulties and challenges. It could be helpful to let him know that you are there for him and that he can rely on you when facing difficulties in life.

You might also consider showing your son your love through small daily actions. This could be an encouraging word, a hug, or a meal he likes.

It might take some time and effort to repair your relationship with your son, but it is possible. You can work out some rules for respectful communication with your son.

This may include refraining from speaking when angry or avoiding insulting language, for example. It is possible that you may encounter some setbacks and difficulties in this process, but I encourage you to remain patient and confident.

I am optimistic that with your efforts, the relationship between you and your son will gradually improve.

It might be helpful to seek professional assistance. During the process of repair, the child may deliberately provoke the questioner to see the attitude of the questioner. If the questioner finds it difficult to control their emotions when facing the child's behavior, they may benefit from seeking help from a psychologist.

Professional psychological counseling may be able to provide the questioner with strategies for managing emotions, which could help the questioner communicate with the child more effectively and gain a deeper understanding of their own behavior patterns.

I would like to respectfully suggest that every child's personality and experiences are different, and therefore the specific methods may need to be adjusted according to the characteristics of the child in question. It is my humble opinion that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. I believe the key is to keep working hard and maintain your love and support for your son.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can help you understand your child better.

The questioner's son, who is in the third year of junior high school, is always impatient and even angry when he speaks to the questioner. This makes the questioner think that there was something wrong with his early parenting. At that time, his impatience and scolding of his son affected his attitude towards you. You said that it was not easy for you back then, and your life, which was troubled both internally and externally, made your emotions very unstable. I hope to know how to remedy the situation and how to make your son forgive you.

First of all, I just want to confirm that when you say your son is in the third year of junior high school, you mean he's going through some big emotional changes during adolescence, or that "third year" is an important time for taking exams. Is your main concern that your relationship with your son might affect his emotions and delay his studies?

You might say, "There's no conflict, I'm just imagining things," but there's a sense of urgency here.

If you think the relationship will improve quickly before the exam, you'll be tempted to rush in and fix things. But in this case, haste makes waste!

As they say, "It takes three years to grow a foot of ice," and what you go through in your early years has a big impact on your whole life. This is backed up by research by psychologists. You might have also heard the saying, "Some people use their childhood to heal their entire life, while others use their entire life to heal their childhood." So, it'll take a while to ease the tension in your relationship with your son. Fortunately, his mother is aware of the problem and is willing to make positive changes. But we can't expect him to forgive you at your pace.

You're dealing with pain caused by some tough experiences. The solution isn't about fixing your relationship with your son. It's about taking a closer look at your pain and healing yourself. This can help stop the pain from being passed down to future generations.

It can be tough to understand your son's impatience and anger from a different perspective. Getting angry is also the other side of sensitivity. Sensitive children may eventually develop fragility, which is caused by a lack of experience or conflicts in early childhood. It seems that the son who is growing bigger and stronger is actually a small, weak child inside who has been wronged.

It's not easy to recognize and interact with pain. The process is challenging.

It'll take courage and perseverance on your part and his to heal the trauma.

I'll tell you what you can do right now: take care of your emotions. Don't let your son's "refusal" throw you off balance. Do what a good mother should do: be steady and do a good job. For example, if you've cooked his favorite meal and he leaves after taking just a few bites, don't chase after him. Instead, finish your own portion quietly. You can give yourself some affirmation, like "Not bad" or "Just the right amount of heat." After you've eaten, if there's still some left, tell him you need to reheat the meal. This process is about giving yourself the right to choose. He chooses whether or not to eat and when, while you choose to take care of yourself first.

If you can, it'd be a good idea to look into psychological counseling. We all have the capacity to be victims, and through counseling, you can identify the underlying issues and address the deeper needs that are driving your behavior. It's a way to transform unconscious patterns into conscious ones and interrupt the intergenerational cycle.

If you don't want to get into the nitty-gritty, you also need someone who can understand and support you in dealing with the current conflict so that you can get back to your life and be there for your son more consistently.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, questioner. I believe that at some point in life, learning to ask for help is an important sign of inner strength.

From what you have shared about the situation, it seems that you are currently experiencing a range of emotions, including anxiety, sadness, and a sense of powerlessness.

It's possible that when your son was young, he may have experienced some of the same emotional states you were going through, such as anxiety, sadness, and a sense of powerlessness, just as you are feeling now.

At that time, he was still a child, still developing mentally, and may not have been able to distinguish as well as an adult would between "these are mom and dad's emotions, I'm not responsible for their emotions."

It is worth noting that children often want to help their parents, particularly by trying to make them feel better in their own way. This could include being good, obedient, avoiding trouble, studying hard, and so on. If parents are angry or sad, it may be helpful to consider whether they feel they have not done enough to make them feel better and save them worry.

It is often the case that younger children are not yet able to distinguish between their own feelings and those of their parents.

Your child is now in the third year of high school and has entered adolescence. His mentality is slowly developing, and his focus has gradually shifted from parents and teachers to peers. At this time, he is in a contradictory situation of wanting to be independent but also a little dependent. It is understandable that the conflicts brought about by physical and psychological development are becoming more and more prominent, just as you were facing an internal and external predicament at that time.

The fact that you have brought this up suggests that you are aware that when you are troubled by internal and external factors, the way you treat your child may be affected by your unresolved emotions. Could it be that the child's anger at this time stems entirely from the way you have treated him in the past?

This may be best achieved through open communication with the child, active listening to their thoughts, and a sincere and honest approach in discussing your concerns and any inappropriate actions on your part.

It is also possible that he may not want to talk about it, or that he may prefer to talk to his peers. Your expression also conveys your care for him and that you are a person who is willing to take responsibility for what you have done.

Naturally, each situation must be considered on its own merits.

I hope my answer is of some assistance.