My wife denies herself every day, and she may be suffering from postpartum depression. What should I do?

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your insightful observation of a family that loves each other. Kind regards,

From your account, it is evident that you value your loved one and family highly and have consistently demonstrated a strong commitment to supporting them. However, despite your best efforts, reality has presented challenges. The olive branch you extended has not provided the level of support you had hoped for, leading to feelings of frustration and a sense of powerlessness.

It would be beneficial to view your loved one from a woman's perspective. She has experienced ten months of pregnancy and has transitioned from her role as a woman and wife to that of a mother. It is evident that your loved one is not adequately prepared for this change. This can be seen from your brief description of your loved one's relationship with her mother.

When women become mothers, if the child is well-behaved and obedient and has a relatively high degree of affinity with us, we will generally be able to adapt to the hormonal changes and our new identity, including the adjustment period with the child, and enter a new stage of family development.

In addition to the challenges posed by the epidemic, the work your loved one is engaged in will add a significant number of trivial tasks to their daily workload. The requirements for prevention and control in schools are even higher. As a frontline teacher, her pressure is understandable. When she is unable to devote herself fully to her children, it activates a range of emotions, including anger and accusations towards her own mother for not being able to love her properly. As daughters, it is challenging for us to accept that we have these emotions towards our parents. She may therefore transform this part into self-attack, worrying about her competence in her role as a mother.

In such emotionally charged situations, our inner selves may regress in an attempt to escape the pressure and challenges we are unable or unwilling to address. Your loved one has regressed to a childlike state, and she is seeking to be seen and cared for by those she perceives as her "parents."

From a male perspective, when a loved one sends out a distress signal, a man's thinking will automatically enter a state of problem solving, and he will provide explanations, methods, and reasons. This is not an incorrect approach, and it is important to recognize the differences between men and women.

Therefore, when the questioner provides expressions of love and support according to your own model, you may perceive them as ineffective and even accused of lacking understanding and love for your loved one. I believe you may also feel aggrieved.

When a woman is seeking support from her husband, it is beneficial to offer a hug, listen to her concerns, and reassure her that she is not alone. This approach can facilitate more effective support. It is important to note that this does not replace the role of a husband but rather enhances it by treating the woman like a daughter or a close friend.

It is advisable to avoid recommending a counselor at this time. Doing so may lead to the perception that you are treating her like a burden and are reluctant to provide care. In this situation, she may view you as her primary source of support, akin to a parent. If you suggest seeking alternative resources, it could create a sense of abandonment. Therefore, it is recommended to prioritize your own time and engage in activities that you enjoy, such as dates, dining out, or movies. Reflecting on these experiences and sharing them with your partner can also be beneficial. Attempting this once a week is a good starting point.

This approach allows us to meet our loved one's need for recognition and appreciation.

It would also be beneficial to encourage and recognize her more. Given her background in psychology, she has a solid foundation for this.

We can assist her by seeking her input, answering her questions, and helping her develop a sense of self-worth, thereby gradually stabilizing her sense of security and worth.

Your loved one is currently experiencing a temporary emotional state, which requires us to provide additional support to ensure a smooth transition. Trust her and trust yourself, and you can navigate this period successfully.

I would like to remind you in particular that as a man, you are under significant pressure at work and in your role as a caregiver to your partner and children, as well as in your need to balance all the relationships. Therefore, I advise you to set aside time for yourself, and you can choose a specific day of the week and a certain time of day, and inform your family that you require this time to relax (this method also applies to your partner).

This allows family members to assist in setting aside time for rest and relaxation. It is important to note that this does not constitute selfish behavior.

By maintaining stability, you can provide greater support to your family. Therefore, occasional rest periods are essential and beneficial.

In conclusion, it is important to strike a balance between loving our families and taking care of ourselves.

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I can tell that you're a thoughtful, kind, and loving husband. Way to go! I'm sure that with your support and understanding, her condition will continue to improve. It's true that after giving birth, due to hormonal changes in the body, women may experience postpartum depression, but with your help, she'll get through it.

I also experienced postpartum depression once. At that time, my husband also felt that he cared about and understood me very much. However, due to some problems I had, I could never fully feel their care and support for me. I also felt very negative about myself, often feeling that I was worthless and that I could not take care of the baby well. I was very depressed and sad. But I learned so much from that experience! Later, in the process of studying for my certificate as a psychological counselor, I learned to adjust my own perception, to accept and identify with myself, to see my own value (including the value of taking care of the baby and my own existence), and to learn to express my inner feelings and emotions. Slowly, my way of thinking also changed, and I went from being a person who doubted and rejected myself to someone who identifies with myself and believes in myself.

I'm excited to share some tips based on my own experience that I think you'll find really helpful!

Give her all the understanding, acceptance, and support she needs to ask you for help in whatever way she feels is best. Show her how proud you are of her by giving her specific praise and encouragement.

As her husband, you have a wonderful opportunity to support, accept, understand, care for, and recognize her. Especially when a girl has given birth and become a mother, she may feel a bit uncomfortable with her postpartum life. As a first-time mother, she may be a bit afraid that she cannot take good care of the baby. At this time, she really needs the support and understanding of her husband, which is something she will be very grateful for!

This kind of support and understanding is not just empty words. It's something that needs to be backed up by reality and the kind of recognition that she can really feel!

For example, when you see how patiently and carefully she takes care of the baby, you can say something like, "The baby is really lucky to have a mother like you! You can take such good care of him, and he will grow up very well." And when she feels stressed, you can quietly listen to her and hear what her specific worries are. Generally speaking, what women want is not a solution; they just need someone who can listen to them attentively. After you have done that, her worries will be reduced a lot!

Then, with a smile on your face, you can ask, "So, what can I do for you?"

Once you understand her specific needs, you can help her even better!

2. You can help her to release her emotions and inner pressure in some way, which is a great way to help her feel better!

If you can, it's a great idea to go to a counselor together. You can explain to her that you want to listen to her and support her in any way you can. You can tell her that you hope counseling will help her feel less sad and more at peace. If she's not ready for counseling, that's okay! The most important thing is that you're there for her and supporting her in her journey.

And there's more! You can listen to her more. Talking more often will help her emotions flow, which is therapeutic. You can also take her to participate in group activities, especially family gatherings, so that she can interact with other mothers. She'll discover that everyone is the same, and that they are all first-time mothers, and inevitably have some inadequacies. But we can be less harsh on ourselves, and we can grow up with our children. You can also take her and the baby into nature together to see the natural scenery, which will not only enhance your relationship, but also relax your mood. You can also encourage her to write in an emotional diary, to write out her inner discomfort. This is also a good way to release emotions.

3. You can also help her build on her strengths and improve her self-identity in some amazing ways!

First of all, you can absolutely boost her self-identity by recognizing and affirming her, as well as encouraging and supporting her. It's a great way to show her how much you value her!

As for herself, she has the amazing opportunity to establish her own inner approval and affirmation. Once she approves of herself internally, she can gradually transform her self-denying thinking mode. This is a process that requires a lot of practice, but it's so worth it!

There are four fantastic ways she can help herself to strengthen her self-identity:

First, practice self-acceptance. Don't focus on the parts of yourself that you don't do well in. Affirm your own value, accept yourself in your entirety, and understand that everyone is imperfect. Be a little more forgiving with yourself, accept your own imperfections, and especially the parts that you disapprove of yourself for. Seeing this does not mean that you are not good enough. It just means that you are learning and growing! Just as I also didn't know how to raise children, now I know how to raise them. These parts that make us feel difficult are actually hiding the resources for our growth. Practicing self-acceptance also takes time. I recommend that she read "Rebuilding Your Life" and "Accepting an Imperfect Self," which will be inspiring!

Second, you can often give yourself some positive psychological suggestions, often telling yourself: I am valuable; I am responsible; I am worthy of love; I am contributing; I belong here, and they need me. Of course, you can also often tell her that you have these positive suggestions for her, which can also be supportive.

Third, I highly recommend that she prioritize self-care! You mentioned that she's facing a lot of pressure at work and feels overwhelmed with taking care of the kids. When she's feeling overwhelmed, it's totally normal to feel like crying. It's actually a way to release all those pent-up emotions!

I think it's so important for her to take care of herself. She's been so tired recently, and it's been hard for her to find the time and space to care for herself. It's so important for her to have an outlet for her emotions. I think setting aside 15 minutes to half an hour every day for herself would be really beneficial. Whether it's reading her favorite book or doing something she likes, it's so important for her to have that time to herself. It allows her to connect with herself mentally and physically, and it gives her a space to take care of herself. I think it'll be so beneficial for her!

Fourth, I would highly recommend that she read some books and articles related to self-identity, or even take a course! Self-identity really requires practice, and just because you understand it doesn't mean you can achieve it – but with the right guidance, you can absolutely do it!

And there's more! In addition to the book "Rebuilding Your Life" mentioned above, there are also books on self-identity such as "Appropriate Self-Love" (Adler's 19 self-identity lessons), "Identifying Yourself", "Inferiority and Transcendence", and many more! There are also many articles and courses on self-identity on our platform, which you can refer to and read.

I truly believe that as her self-identity improves, she will see her own value, be able to affirm her own meaning, and with your company and encouragement, have a beautiful expectation and vision for your life. Her state will continue to improve!

And finally, I wish you nothing but the best!

Gaining insight into the mind is a rewarding experience, and sharing it with others can be a great way to connect. I tend to be more of a loner, but I've found that there's value in sharing my thoughts and experiences with others.

It is not uncommon for mothers who have recently given birth to require a period of adjustment before they feel ready to resume their previous level of activity in the workplace. In light of the confusion that the questioner mentioned, I would like to offer a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

One might say that interest is the best teacher, and this is never outdated.

When we were at school, our teachers often told us, "Interest is the best teacher." At the time, we might not have agreed with this, but I believe we will all have the opportunity to gain personal experience with this in our future studies and work.

It is often the case that people are willing to invest more energy and time in activities that they are interested in, whether it be at school or work. While appearances may sometimes deceive others, it is often difficult to deceive oneself.

Your wife's lack of enthusiasm for her work is a perfect example. If the work doesn't interest you and you don't like it, you may find it uncomfortable. You may even feel an emptiness inside at the end of the day. Regular overtime work will only bring physical exhaustion, but this exhaustion is temporary, and the key is your inner will.

Perhaps the most challenging aspect is the mental fatigue that can result from thinking about a job that doesn't align with your interests, even when you're in the office every day.

Your wife has expressed an interest in switching to a psychological center. I believe that her success in this endeavor may depend on her inner interest and persistence in this career, in addition to her qualifications and experience. While there may not be immediate opportunities in this industry, I do think it is possible to resume her previous role by obtaining this position.

There are still many channels for entering the psychological counseling industry at the social level, and the platform where the questioner is located is also a very good one. It might be a good idea to consider doing your current job while picking up your psychological counseling work as a hobby.

One of the key challenges in denying oneself is the difficulty in recognizing one's own value.

The questioner mentioned that his wife denies herself every day, and the questioner also wonders if her upbringing might be a contributing factor. While her upbringing may have played a role in shaping her current outlook, I believe that her current state of self-denial is largely independent of it.

One important aspect of self-doubt is that it can make it challenging to recognize your own value. It can be difficult to achieve success in any field if you don't feel a genuine interest in the work.

If you don't usually take care of the baby yourself, you may not have as much experience in child-rearing as you would like. It's natural to feel a bit inexperienced at first, but it's important to remember that the more you practice, the better you'll get at it. It's also important to recognize that feeling afraid of doing something is normal, especially when you're just starting out. With a little patience and practice, you'll be able to overcome this fear and become a great mother.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following: a person who has not yet achieved much at work and who is a novice mother and does not know how to raise a child may tend to see failure within. How much pressure might this feeling put on a person over time? What we see on the surface may be as simple as her dissatisfaction with her work and her self-doubt. In fact, deep down, she may be longing for someone to see her and believe in her value.

I hope the above two points provide some insight into the issue. I would like to offer two suggestions in response to what I said above:

You might consider encouraging her to regain confidence in psychological counseling and show her abilities.

The profession of psychological counseling is generally quite liberal. For someone with a background in counseling like your wife, there are many opportunities to fully demonstrate their talents.

The Yixinli platform, where the original poster is, might be a good place to start. She doesn't need your full attention all the time, and you could perhaps encourage her to come to the platform and do it as a hobby in her spare time to help her regain her confidence in psychological counseling.

2. Babies and their mothers both require love.

It is certainly a blessing for you to have the elderly help with childcare. If you have the energy, as parents, you might consider being more patient and caring when it comes to childcare. After all, children will always spend more time with their parents than with the elderly. Coupled with differences in educational philosophies, there are always many benefits to having parents take care of their children.

While caring for the children, we should also remember to care for the mother. This kind of care is not about buying her expensive gifts or cooking a gourmet meal for her. Sometimes just going for a walk with her or sitting down to quietly listen to her talk is a great way to show you care.

In our daily lives, it would be beneficial for us to strive to be attentive people. We should pay attention to every small change in our wives and let them know through a compliment that we can all see the changes in them and that we care about them.

If I might offer one last thought,

In today's society, women are often expected to fulfill a multitude of roles, including that of a good daughter, student, wife, mother, friend, employee, and woman. This can lead to a sense of pressure and an inclination towards perfectionism. They may experience a range of emotions, including fear, anxiety, and a desire to avoid being seen as inadequate.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to see this and to give her confidence and relief, warmth and care with our actions.

Perhaps you could tell her that you love her and that the world loves her too.

Good morning, I would like to begin by offering you my sincerest compliments. From your message, it is evident that you hold your wife in high regard and are deeply concerned about her current circumstances. You are experiencing a great deal of distress and are unsure of how to proceed. I empathize with your situation and share your desire for your loved one to regain her former sense of self.

Let us review her current situation.

1. The current work environment is demanding, with extended work hours that are physically and mentally exhausting.

2. You are interested in pursuing a new position but are hesitant to accept a role that may not align with your career goals. You are uncertain about the direction you should take with your career.

3. You have significant self-doubt, which is influenced by your family of origin and subsequent experiences. This has resulted in a lack of strong opinions on many matters and an inability to recognize your own positive attributes. Despite your cultural background and abilities being commendable, you do not feel confident in yourself.

4. She is still somewhat overexcited about the baby. Despite giving birth to the child herself, she is not yet fully prepared to accept the situation. Additionally, her anxiety and mood are affecting her ability to cope with the current circumstances.

5. Feeling unloved is due to a lack of security. Your partner is your child's primary caregiver, which may result in feelings of loneliness. This is a common experience among new mothers, so there is no need for concern.

Your loved one is still in a good state of mind, although somewhat anxious. With your support and her exceptional qualities, her outlook will improve over time as circumstances evolve.

In the following section, I will provide some advice.

1. Assist your wife in rebuilding her confidence and establishing self-confidence. Begin with small goals, gradually building up her confidence. Offer more praise, encouragement, and decision-making opportunities.

2. Your wife's unmet psychological needs during her childhood were significant. Despite your background in psychology, recognize the limitations of your parents and the gaps in your own self-awareness. Make a commitment to address these shortcomings through continued growth and development.

3. Learn to manage work-related stress in a way that allows you to thrive. Our lives allow for pressure as well as for living. For example, you can go to the movies with your daughter-in-law, have a cup of coffee, let your daughter-in-law sleep well, and you take care of the baby.

4. During this period, it is essential to demonstrate increased levels of commitment, affection, and support for your wife. It is crucial to ensure that she does not perceive a shift in your attention towards the baby. It is also important to prioritize your wife's emotional well-being. There will be ample opportunity to focus on the baby's development at a later stage. Currently, your wife requires your companionship and care more than anything else. Show her frequent displays of affection and support.

5. It is advisable that your wife refrain from hastily pursuing a new career plan. Given the current unfavorable business climate, it is prudent to avoid readily changing jobs. Despite her considerable experience, she should take time to assess her options and maintain a positive outlook before making a decision. Regardless of the outcome, it is essential to provide your wife with unwavering support and encouragement.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful. I wish you and your family good health and happiness. Couples like you can enjoy a happy and lasting marriage. Good luck, Liu Qi

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, your heart exploration coach!

You feel so full of care and love for your partner! You're really sensitive to the changes in your partner before and after childbirth. At the same time, you give her the necessary care and companionship, but the results are minimal, which makes you worry even more and hope to be able to help her more.

I just want to say, first of all, that I think you're absolutely amazing for caring so much about your partner's physical and mental health, as well as your intimate relationship and family happiness. Let's take a look at the problem together.

1. Partner's emotional needs

From what you've told me, it seems like your partner was feeling a bit down after giving birth. It's totally normal to have some self-doubt and feel like you're no longer the focus of the family's attention. It can even feel like you're competing with the baby for attention!

You've noticed that your partner has changed quite a bit before and after giving birth. You're feeling a bit uninterested in your work at the moment and are wondering if you should make some adjustments. You're feeling a little unsure of yourself, and it's totally normal to feel like crying for no reason sometimes. We all have mood swings from time to time!

Psychologists talk about the "family life cycle." It's a natural process that happens at certain stages, and it's totally normal! For example, when there is a new addition to the family, when there are children going through puberty, or when there are students preparing for the college entrance exam.

I'm sure you can feel it, your family has just experienced the birth of a new life! This new member has brought many big changes to your entire family. Grandparents, parents, and even you feel promoted, and you even feel like the house has become smaller and the bed is not enough!

And the changes in your partner are even greater! Not only is there the effect of estrogen and progesterone, but also an adjustment process required for the transformation of their own identity.

It's totally normal for new moms to feel a bit out of sorts when they go back to work after having a baby. That old saying, "a pregnant woman is stupid for three years," isn't about them being dumb, but more about how their focus shifts. They might have been used to putting in lots of hours at work, but now they're pouring their energy into their family and little one.

From what you say, she's a psychology major herself, so she should be able to heal herself just fine. Whether it's the influence of her family of origin on her or her rapid adjustment to the role of "mother" after giving birth and her adjustment to returning to work, she has a certain understanding.

It's important to remember that she needs time, support, and encouragement from her family right now. She's in the thick of it and might not be able to see it clearly from the outside.

2. How you can help

I think self-denial is caused by a low sense of self-worth. As you said, the parenting model your partner experienced in his or her family of origin was full of "negatives."

It's so sad, but the low self-esteem she developed from her parents' comments was hidden by her subconscious mind. This emotion will be reactivated whenever a similar situation arises.

You can do your best to spend more time with her, listen attentively, and try to understand her feelings. It's okay if you don't feel the same way as your partner, but it's important to recognize that her emotions are driven by a lack of recognition. She just wants to be seen, affirmed, understood, recognized, and accepted.

You've got to give her more understanding, tolerance, and acceptance. Self-healing is a process that will come and go repeatedly, testing not only your partner but also you and your family. So be prepared with your patience and deeper love.

We all have three modes within us: the parent mode, the child mode, and the adult mode. When you feel like your partner doesn't favor you, it's because your partner is activating the "baby" state within her. It's totally normal! Don't worry too much, and give her the attention and care she needs.

Raising a child is also a wonderful process of self-healing for parents. So, it's a great idea to invite your partner to join in on the fun and help with the baby-care process more often!

You could ask your mother's mother to give your mother a little coaching on how to do it. Before you know it, your mother will be taking the lead while your mother's mother provides support. This is great for your mother and also does wonders for your baby's physical and mental health!

At the same time, it's so important to create a happy atmosphere for the family of three. Try to initiate more interactions so that your partner can feel that you, the baby, and she will always be together, and that your love for her will not diminish with the birth of the baby. On the contrary, there is now someone in the world who loves her more than you do – the baby!

I really hope this helps! Sending you lots of love ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click "Find a Coach" in the lower right corner to start a conversation.

Greetings. It is evident that your wife has become markedly depressed following her return to work after childbirth. She exhibits a persistent tendency to doubt herself, displays a lack of interest in her work, and is prone to episodes of sadness.

Her behavior causes you significant concern, and you wish to provide assistance but are uncertain of the best course of action. I empathize with your situation.

It is important to accept your wife as she is.

It is evident that you are the primary source of support for your wife.

Given her occupation as a counselor, your wife is frequently required to work extended hours, including nights and weekends. This may contribute to her tendency to discuss her feelings of pressure.

Indeed, for a new mother who has recently given birth, the demands of caring for a newborn will inevitably consume a significant portion of her energy. Additionally, she must navigate the transition from a professional to a personal life, which can present unique challenges.

Furthermore, your wife's professional responsibilities appear to have increased in both volume and intensity, which has led to feelings of being overwhelmed.

During the period of pregnancy, family members will typically prioritize the care of the pregnant woman. However, following the birth of the infant, the focus of familial attention often shifts to the newborn. Consequently, the contrast between these two stages can result in a sense of loss for the mother.

The aforementioned issues are common among new mothers. As you mentioned, your wife's family frequently criticized her during her upbringing. This may have contributed to her developing a low sense of self-worth and a tendency to be sensitive and vulnerable. Consequently, these factors may exert significant pressure on her, necessitating your acceptance and understanding of her performance.

It is important to be mindful of her emotional state.

It is imperative that the husband be mindful of his wife's emotional state, regardless of whether or not she is exhibiting symptoms of postpartum depression. It is his responsibility to provide her with emotional support.

It is imperative that she has an individual with whom she can discuss the pressures and difficulties she encounters in her professional life. While there may not be a definitive solution at this time, actively listening to her will enable her to process her emotions. This form of active listening and companionship is of significant benefit.

She exhibits a low sense of self-worth and a tendency to deny her own needs. This is a consequence of both her upbringing and the current stress she is experiencing.

As the individual with whom she shares the greatest degree of trust and reliance, it is imperative that you demonstrate attention, affirmation of the challenges she faces on behalf of the family and children, and even affirmation of her efforts at work. Express this affirmation through verbal and non-verbal communication, as this encouragement provides her with the greatest support in the face of difficulties.

It is imperative that you assist your wife in relieving her stress through your actions.

In addition to paying more mental attention and providing comfort, it is also necessary to take concrete action to share the pressure experienced by one's spouse.

First and foremost, it is imperative that the husband does not allow his wife to bear the brunt of child-rearing responsibilities alone. Given that the wife has already expended her energy during the day at her place of employment, the additional burden of tending to the child at the end of the day will undoubtedly exacerbate her fatigue and impede her ability to unwind.

At this juncture, it is imperative that the husband remain at his wife's side and provide assistance in any capacity that he is able to alleviate her considerable stress.

Subsequently, it is imperative to demonstrate to your wife that you value her. It is evident that you are concerned about her current circumstances, and it is apparent that you love and care about her. It is also crucial to express these emotions through actions. For instance, you could purchase gifts that she enjoys, engage in physical communication such as hugs, and say things that will make her happy.

Given her current vulnerability, your wife may attempt to test the strength of your feelings. Therefore, providing her with a tangible expression of your emotions will afford her the greatest sense of security.

Thirdly, it is recommended that you take your wife to seek professional assistance. Based on her current condition, it is likely that she is suffering from postpartum depression. It is essential that you take her to a professional psychiatric hospital for a diagnosis or to a professional psychological counselor for counseling.

Your wife's reluctance to seek professional assistance stems from her concern that you may not support her decision to do so. As long as you demonstrate care, support, and assistance, she may be more amenable to accompanying you to seek professional help.

My name is Teng Ying, and I am a psychological counselor at YI. I hope this information is helpful to you.

You mentioned postpartum depression, so you may wish to consider seeking a diagnosis. If this is indeed the case, you could approach the school and discuss the situation with them, request a reduction in overtime, and identify ways to reduce stressors.

She has expressed dissatisfaction with her current role. Prior to becoming pregnant, she was fully capable of fulfilling the responsibilities of her position. However, the lengthy process of pregnancy and childbirth led to a sense of detachment from her job, making it challenging for her to reconnect with her work. Upon returning to work following maternity leave, she encountered difficulties adjusting to her role due to her initial dislike of the job itself. The intensity of the work increased with overtime, further contributing to her challenges.

If you are interested in pursuing a particular task, you can work even when you are experiencing discomfort or illness. This is also applicable during pregnancy. She is enthusiastic about her role and is currently employed at the school's psychological center. Consider exploring the possibility of transferring her to another position within the organization.

It would be beneficial to identify a solution. One option would be to speak with the school leaders to reduce some of your existing workload and transfer some of your existing work to the psychological center.

Performing tasks that align with your strengths will swiftly improve your overall well-being.

In regard to the question of caring for the infant, simply assess whether you have done your best. If you have, you can be confident in that decision. It is not uncommon for inexperienced individuals to make mistakes at the beginning, so it is not unusual if you do not take good care of the infant. There are many ways to learn, such as reading books and watching videos, and asking peers for advice. There are only a few essential tasks, such as feeding, clothing, housing, and transportation, so focus on those.

If this is your first time doing it, you may not get it right the first time, so it is important to do it. In this situation, I suggest that you ask your wife to take some time off work and go stay with her parents to relax, which may help alleviate the symptoms.

My wife asserts that after having a baby, everyone tends to prioritize the child's needs, but the mother's needs should also be considered. You can inform your wife, "My mother and I also feel that we haven't done a good job, so let's make a deal.

It is therefore necessary for you to take on the role of a mother. If you provide the baby with sufficient attention, there is no reason for us to be concerned about the baby. We have prepared the formula, which constitutes attention. The diaper is full, so you must change the baby's diaper.

The infant's garments are damp, so they are replaced with clean ones. The infant has a heat rash, so a powder is obtained.

If the mother assumes responsibility for these tasks, the mother-in-law and husband are naturally freed from excessive involvement in the baby's care. The baby has a mother to care for it, so the husband and father naturally assume responsibility for supporting the mother.

As mothers, we have a responsibility to raise our children. If we do not care about them, they will not survive. Even a tiger will not eat its own cub.

As a mother, it is only natural to care about your own child.

Even a tiger, when facing starvation, will nurse its young. Is it reasonable to expect that a human mother would do the same?

Hello! The first thing you need to do is learn more about postpartum depression. You'll be amazed at what you can do to beat it! (1) Get plenty of rest and sleep, because a good night's rest will make you feel better. (2) Create a quiet, comfortable, and hygienic environment for recovery.

It's also a great idea to limit visitors! And it's really important for family members, especially loved ones, to spend as much time as possible with the new mom. Go to the movies, go shopping, have fun together! Just make sure you take care of yourselves and each other so you can avoid emotional exhaustion and maintain a good mood.

4. It's time to talk! The mother should chat with her husband, best friend, etc. about her anxiety to relieve the knot.

If you're experiencing mild depression after giving birth, don't fret! You can seek guidance from a psychologist to help you through it. For more severe cases of postpartum depression, you can take medication under the guidance of a doctor, along with psychological counseling, to help you recover as soon as possible.

As family members, we have the amazing opportunity to pay more attention to observing and giving enough care and support to each other. This will help us avoid the pitfalls of postpartum depression. The good news is that postpartum depression can be relieved by psychological treatment, physical therapy, and drug therapy.

1. Psychological treatment: The great news is that through supportive psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and other methods, patients can be given comfort, support, encouragement, understanding, persuasion, etc. This can reduce depressive symptoms, reduce parenting anxiety, and improve the patient's family and marital relationships!

2. Physiotherapy: Transcranial microcurrent stimulation therapy is an amazing treatment that can directly regulate brain secretion, help improve neurotransmitters and hormones in depressive disorders, and relieve depressive mood.

The great news is that postpartum depression can also be treated with electroconvulsive therapy, exercise therapy, music therapy, and diet therapy!

3. Drug therapy.

Hello, everyone! I'm your host,

I just wanted to say a big thank you to the Guan family for being so thoughtful and caring towards your wife during this time. You're doing a great job!

As you mentioned in your narrative, she feels a bit powerless and frustrated when it comes to taking care of the baby. She also has the feeling of being neglected and is starting to feel burned out at work. To find the right remedy for everything, we just need to trace the root cause and sort out the context. These phenomena and situations of your wife have gradually emerged during the process of postpartum childcare. Then we can try to use hypothesis testing and comparative argumentation to clarify the reasons.

Childbirth can really change a wife's appearance, like her body type and temperament. This can sometimes lead to a lack of self-confidence and make her feel less attractive. It's not surprising that the family tends to focus more on taking care of the children and neglects the mother's needs, which can make her feel ignored. The similarities in the parenting process can also trigger the wife's unpleasant memories of the past, making her realize that those creations and rejections have never been recovered. This can result in her having a low self-evaluation, which can even affect her normal life.

Once we've established these assumptions, we can start communicating with our wives through observation and questioning. We'll be able to determine whether or not professional intervention is needed based on the actual situation. If our wives are highly resistant and have even explicitly stated, "I just don't want to talk to her," our family members can try to help them relieve their emotions, rebuild their confidence, integrate into the family, and adjust their social and work status by chatting with them more.

If it's because she's lacking confidence due to her appearance and figure, then her family members should give her unconditional affirmation. Especially if her partner is praising her, it'll have a great effect on her.

If it's about parenting time, you can gently guide your wife's attention back to her old hobbies and specialties. This will help her feel less powerless and remind her of her strengths, like giving the child an artistic education or taking them to sports. This will not only give the child a good role model, but also help you both avoid any practical shortcomings in parenting or household chores.

If it's the "reef effect" in your wife's growth process, it's probably best to let the professionals handle it, but there's no need to rush. Just make sure you reassure her properly, reduce her stimulation, and keep her safe for the time being. After all, the birth of a baby does cause chaos in the family for a while, but you'll get through it together!

And those reefs are just as we mean it literally. If we are tolerant enough, those reefs will not have the opportunity to surface. It is precisely because of the current chaos that gives us the opportunity to see those deep-rooted hidden dangers.

It really depends on your goal, the situation you're in, and the conditions and results. You might need to remove hidden dangers, and if so, how and when you do it will depend on all of that.

Love yourself, take care of your family, and remember that happiness and fulfillment are our constant goals, too!

Hello, From what you've said, I can see you're concerned about your wife's current state and hope I can help her better. Before discussing this issue, if you allow, I'd like to give you a big hug first, hoping to give you some warmth and support!

You say that your wife is blaming herself for everything, even things she did well before she had the baby. You say she is unhappy all the time, even crying alone after putting the baby to sleep. You say you are sad when she is sad. You love your wife and want to help her, but you just don't know what would be best. I don't know if she knows how much you care about her and worry about her, but I think she would feel better if she knew.

How old is your baby? It's normal for women to experience mood swings after giving birth because of the sudden changes in hormone levels. In most cases, they'll show symptoms of depression, like you've noticed in your wife, like feeling down on yourself, having low self-confidence, and feeling low in mood. Most people will get better on their own with self-regulation and the support of their family as their bodies recover. They'll basically recover in six months to a year, and a few will need professional help to adjust.

If your wife's condition persists for a long time and self-regulation and family support aren't effective in improving her condition, you might want to consider seeking professional help so that she can receive more professional and effective help and support.

This is just my two cents, for reference only. Take care of yourself.

Hello! I am Liu Junling, a psychological counselor, and I am contacting you with the sincere hope that you and your family can be happy!

From your question, I can tell you care deeply for your partner and are patient with them. However, you seem unsure of how to handle their situation. I hope my analysis below provides some inspiration.

☘During the process of conceiving and giving birth to a baby, a woman experiences physical joy and anticipation like never before, as well as pain like never before. This pain is not only high in intensity, but also lasts for a relatively long period of time, and in some cases can even last for several days. This is a very difficult challenge for a woman. After your partner has completed this great process with the support of maternal love, what do you think he or she needs?

☘ She needs to regain her strength and her figure. She needs to be the attractive woman you fell in love with. This is not easy, but she can do it.

She is worried about whether she is still attractive to you.

From a spiritual perspective, it is crucial for you and your family to recognize her efforts, understand her hard work, and pay positive attention to and care about her. You also wrote in your question that she said you care about the children but not her, which is unacceptable. Her emotional needs must be met.

In summary, after giving birth, she is not satisfied with her body shape, her physical strength has not returned to normal, and she feels that her family does not care about her. This has led to her being less positive. The many complicated things have made her body, which has not yet recovered, feel tired. All kinds of unhappy things make her conclude that it is because she is not good enough. This kind of thinking has made her more sensitive to other people's opinions, exacerbated her negative perception of herself, formed wrong ideas, led to more negative emotions, and at the same time weakened her ability to feel other people's kindness towards her.

I am confident that the following suggestions will be helpful to you.

Leave the child with the grandparents and listen to her more. This listening should be serious, with full commitment, response, acceptance, understanding, and your recognition of her. From your question, it's clear that you and your spouse have very little time for each other. You both work during the day and take care of the child at night.

If I'm right, spending more time with her will change her situation.

Many families face the same problems you are facing, but few husbands are as proactive as you in seeking solutions. If you want a happy and successful family, you need to learn how to manage your marriage. I wish you happiness!

Hello, question asker! I just wanted to say that I think it's so great that you understand your wife so well and care about her so much. With your love and support, I'm sure your wife will be able to overcome the trauma of her childhood, and you will definitely be the one to heal and nurture her.

Be there for your wife and help her rebuild her confidence.

Your wife is right about whether or not you need to make an appointment with a counselor. She is a counselor herself, so why can't her knowledge and experience heal her emotional wounds? The thing is, she doesn't need knowledge and experience. She needs the love and care of the most important people in her life.

You've done a great job identifying your wife's unmet psychological needs from her childhood. When she faced challenges after giving birth, it brought up some old wounds. It's important to accept, pay attention to, approve of, and recognize those wounds. You're not her imperfect mother, and you're not a substitute for her. You're her mirror. You can help her identify these needs. I believe that with her professional standards, she will know how to achieve self-satisfaction and self-acceptance. What she needs is to be seen by someone important to her. Seeing is healing.

And this kind of seeing is not something that a psychological counselor can do. Affirm your wife in every little thing (but also avoid excessive praise, because false praise can make her feel bad). I always say that a thousand Amitabhas are not as good as a real hug from a loved one.

I'm sure you can heal her with your love.

Staying happy helps you discover your strengths and resources. It's amazing how quickly you can adjust your emotions, face difficulties, use your resources to get through difficult times, heal your wounds, and establish more comfortable and deeper relationships!

Do you know what I think would really help? Exercise, dance, sing, go to the playground, play and laugh carefree like a child. Do everything that can make her relax and laugh. I'm sure the cloudy sky will pass, and the sun will return.

It would be really helpful for you to help your wife rethink her career plans.

As a counselor and university psychologist, I work with students who are taking personality tests and planning their careers. You're the one who knows your wife best, so you can help her think about her interests and talents. You can also help her think about her career and develop a plan. After all, after having a baby, your wife's role has changed a lot. She's now a mother, too! When making a career plan, you can't forget about raising a baby.

It's so important to have a good mother-child relationship established before the child is three years old. This can effectively cut off the intergenerational transmission of "emotional neglect (trauma)."

Take good care of yourself, my friend.

I can see that you care a great deal about your wife. I also want to know that with the addition of a new family member, your wife's emotions are not very stable. In this situation, are you okay? When we care for others, we must also pay attention to our own needs and take care of our own hearts. Oh, always tell your wife frankly about your troubles. I think your wife must be a very kind person (people who like to blame themselves are usually very good at taking care of other people's needs). When she finds out that you also need her help and care, helping you to eliminate your troubles will make her temporarily forget her own troubles.

Hi there! I'm Zhang Huili, a psychological counselor. I really hope my answer helps you, and I wish you all the best in this moment. If you found my answer useful, please click the like button. Thanks!

First of all, I want to give you a big hug.

You should post on the platform about your wife's problems. It's clear from your words that you care about her and love her. You should be applauded for that.

Next, I'm going to share some of my personal views.

First, we must discuss postpartum depression.

Let's not discuss the specific diagnostic criteria for depression here because it doesn't matter.

Depression is like the symptoms of a cold. Everyone gets it. Some people have mild symptoms and get through it with plenty of hot water and rest. Some people may need simple medication to reduce the inflammation first. Some people may develop relatively serious conditions such as myocarditis as a result of the cold. Since it is a cold, it is very common. Many colds are self-limiting diseases. In the end, it is up to your own resistance to truly overcome the disease.

As a working mother of two, I'm going to share my situation at the time. After giving birth to my eldest child, I took three months of maternity leave. I wasn't idle. I was tired. I had to take care of a child, and every now and then I had to worry about my career development.

When I returned to work, I quickly realized that things had changed. The original team had been disbanded, and my reporting line had also changed. On my first day, my boss and I discussed how the work in this department might not be a good fit for me and that I should go to the *** department to find my former boss instead. It was a shock, but I handled it.

.

I was down. I felt out of the loop after taking time off. I was worried I wouldn't be able to spend time with my child because I had to work late. It was a complicated, confusing, and stressful feeling.

My wife is a counselor, and she loved her work before the birth of our child. After returning to work after giving birth, there were a lot more things to do, probably due to the pandemic. She often had to work overtime in the evenings and on weekends. She told me that she was under a lot of pressure, that she didn't feel any interest in the work her colleagues were doing, and that she didn't like her current job.

You described your wife's work situation after she returned to work.

In recent years, college counselors have undoubtedly faced significant challenges due to the impact of the pandemic. Their workload has increased, and they have had to navigate the emotional challenges of students. These young people, in the prime of their lives, are confined to school and prone to psychological and emotional difficulties. This has placed considerable pressure on counselors. Emotions are contagious, and mothers, who are already adjusting and adapting, are more likely to feel frustration and defeat when they return to work.

Let's talk about self-doubt.

She rejects herself every day, feeling that she can't bring up the baby well (the baby is now being brought up by her mother-in-law, and my wife and I only come back in the evenings to take care of the baby for a while). She also feels that she can't do her work well. She is unhappy every day, and even cries alone after putting the baby to sleep.

Reading this description, I see a negative cycle repeating itself over and over. You avoid doing anything for fear of being rejected, you do things poorly because you avoid doing them, and you will be rejected because you do things poorly. This cycle has no solution.

The solution is simple: cut the Gordian knot. Eliminate anything that starts with "no" or anything negative, stop the negative cycle, and start a new one.

Emotions are difficult to control, and being rejected is also beyond one's control. The easiest way is to just get started and do simple things. Praise her first, then turn these two links into something positive. She will gain self-confidence and then start adding some more complicated things.

I have to digress a little here. She says, "I haven't done much with the baby," a few months after the birth. I think that's quite rare. It's probably because you and your mother are both relatively tolerant, but in an average family, it's not easy.

But you must consider whether it is this tolerance that has caused her to lose her initiative!

I'm not questioning your approach. I'm simply offering another possibility based on my own experience. When my child stopped liking me the most and became attached to his grandmother because I couldn't take care of him during the day at work, I felt a sense of loss. I needed my child's closeness to prove my sense of existence and worth and to gain some self-confidence.

Third, discuss your career development.

Your wife wants to switch to a job at a psychological center, but there are no openings. She graduated in psychology and worked as a counselor for a while, so she's qualified.

I also graduated in psychology and helped out at the university counseling center, and I even had a few individual success stories. However, I am not intimidated by the idea of going back to counseling. I would simply need to pick up some skills and techniques again or supplement some new theoretical knowledge and counseling techniques.

If I am not emotionally stable enough, I am unable to help others.

Furthermore, I believe that cases of negative emotions that counselors cannot handle may ultimately lead to psychological issues. Attending the psychological center may result in encountering the same problems as counselors, or even more challenging ones.

From this perspective, not having a quota is clearly an advantage.

Opportunity favors the prepared. Regain your previous professional knowledge, take advantage of your current work as a counselor, accumulate consulting scenarios and cases in advance, and wait for the opportunity. This will become a matter of course at that time.

Now, let's talk about the difficulties you're facing.

I am saddened by her sadness and I am determined to help her.

I want to help her and set up a counseling session for her, but she thinks that I don't want to listen to her and am pushing her onto the counselor. I'm going to set up the session regardless of her opinion.

You're anxious and feel helpless. You want your wife to get better, but you're also afraid she'll misunderstand you.

My wife, who studied psychology, knows that psychological counseling requires the cooperation of the client. Only when the client is willing to open up can better results be achieved. So there's no need to force her if she doesn't want to.

If your wife has been rejected by her family of origin, she may not be able to confide in others about her current emotional problems. You are her closest resource. At this time, if you suggest that she seek counseling, she will undoubtedly feel that you are pushing her away.

Stop forcing yourself. Be a good companion and let her feel your love through your actions. Go for a walk in the park with your wife and child on weekends. Let your wife push the stroller, hold the baby, and pat their happy, smiling faces. Praise your child in front of your wife more often, telling her how much your child likes you. Let these feelings take root and grow.

There is a famous saying in our company: "Use things to improve people." I didn't understand what it meant before, but now I do.

The nature of things is not particularly different. Different things are just appearances. You can find your true self, accept yourself, and discover that the world is in bloom for mutual encouragement by doing things, experiencing them, and observing them.

I am confident that you and your wife will emerge from this period of gloom soon.

I am pleased to observe that the husband, who is a psychology graduate, has a more profound understanding of his wife than she does herself.

You have demonstrated remarkable attentiveness and consideration towards your wife, and have accurately assessed her psychological state.

I am confident that with the support of your loved ones, your wife will also feel the warmth.

It is important to note that, in the absence of professional assistance, family members can only provide so much support. A supportive social network can provide a sense of security and inclusiveness, but it is not a substitute for professional help.

Your feelings are understandable.

1. During the pandemic, work pressure has increased, which may lead to anxiety.

My wife is a counselor, and she was quite satisfied with her position prior to the birth of our child. However, after returning to work following the birth, she encountered a significant increase in responsibilities, likely due to the impact of the pandemic. She frequently had to work extended hours in the evenings and on weekends, and she expressed concerns about the pressure she was facing. As a result, I also lost interest in the work my colleagues were doing.

Following the birth of your child and your subsequent return to work, you will have additional concerns regarding their wellbeing.

Given the recent changes in your circumstances, it is possible that your body has not yet fully recovered, which may be affecting your mental state.

Additionally, you may be experiencing some degree of self-doubt regarding your ability to succeed in the workplace.

During the pandemic, there were additional tasks to complete, and I was required to work overtime at night and on weekends. As a result, I experienced some restlessness and unease, as I was unable to simultaneously care for my family, children, and work, both physically and mentally.

If these irritable emotions are not addressed, they may escalate into anxiety.

If left unresolved, anxiety can potentially lead to depression.

2. The birth of a child may reactivate the wife's trauma from her original family.

She is unable to meet her own needs, feeling that she is unable to care for the baby effectively (the baby is now being looked after by her mother-in-law, and my wife and I only come back in the evenings to look after it for a while). She also feels that she is unable to perform her work duties effectively. She is unhappy every day, and even cries alone after putting the baby to sleep.

I am distressed to observe her distress, and I am unsure how to provide assistance.

For individuals who have experienced trauma in their family of origin, several pivotal life events may reactivate their trauma.

For women, the period of giving birth and raising children represents a critical juncture.

The experience of parenting can evoke a sense of nostalgia, prompting a comparison between one's current role as a parent and one's own childhood experiences.

Your wife has been rejected by her mother on numerous occasions, which has led to her directing her aggression towards herself and a belief that she is unable to perform tasks correctly.

One of the primary emotions associated with depression is self-denial, which is also a hallmark symptom of the condition.

An individual exhibiting signs of distress, such as crying, sadness, depression, and low mood, is more likely to be experiencing depression.

However, further information is required to ascertain whether the depression is high or low.

3. The wife may have become more sensitive and suspicious, and may feel that the child has diverted the family's attention.

Furthermore, she informed me that she felt neglected following the birth of her child, with the family's attention seemingly focused solely on the infant. However, she later clarified that this perception was inaccurate.

The wife believes that the family's attention has shifted exclusively to the newborn. This may be attributed to her perception of vulnerability and heightened sensitivity and suspicion.

It must be acknowledged, however, that following the birth of a child, the family's attention will naturally shift towards the infant.

If the wife is in a positive psychological state, her attention will also be on the child.

However, given her lack of self-esteem and inability to focus on the infant, she will likely seek greater familial attention.

As a result, family members may find themselves in a challenging position, torn between caring for the child and the mother.

Furthermore, the issue at hand is a psychological one, affecting the mother, while the family members are not trained professionals. Despite their willingness to help, they lack the necessary expertise to provide effective assistance.

It is recommended that you provide your wife with enhanced empathy and acceptance, while allowing the psychological professionals to address the remaining issues.

4. Prior to becoming a counselor, it is essential to address one's own emotional challenges. Postpartum depression often necessitates professional psychological intervention.

My wife is seeking a new position in a psychological center (she has a background in psychology and has also worked as a counselor), but there are currently no openings at the center.

I believe these issues may be related to postpartum depression. I am eager to assist my wife and have even scheduled an appointment for her to see a counselor. However, she seems reluctant and is pushing her towards professional help. I am uncertain how to proceed.

My wife has a background in psychology and has previously worked as a counselor.

It is important to recognize that before providing assistance to others, it is essential to address and resolve one's own trauma.

Otherwise, when counseling others, you may experience countertransference and be unable to handle it, becoming overly involved in the emotions of the client.

In the event that there are no vacancies at the psychological center, it would be advisable to take advantage of this period to find a counselor for self-growth.

It is advisable to seek the intervention of a mental health professional for postpartum depression.

By assisting your wife in making an appointment with a counselor, you are not relinquishing her to the care of another individual. Instead, you are facilitating her access to more effective and beneficial support, while also demonstrating your commitment to her well-being, as well as that of your family.

With the assistance of a professional, it is unlikely that you will neglect or abandon your wife.

Therefore, your wife is concerned that your attention will be diverted.

You may wish to inform your wife that the care you provide is akin to that of a family member and can be beneficial. The assistance provided by a psychological counselor may be more fundamental.

Should she opt for counseling, you will still accompany her and listen to her, and your level of care and consideration for her will remain unchanged.

This may help your wife to feel more at ease.

I hope your wife can understand your intentions.

As previously stated.

I am Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I wish the entire family happiness and peace.

This father is so excited to help your wife through this!

As you can see, you are an amazingly attentive husband! You can sense your wife's mood changes and are eager to help her.

In fact, many postpartum mothers, due to the sudden drop in hormones in their bodies after giving birth, are prone to feeling depressed, irritable, and uninterested in anything!

What she needs most at this time is your company and listening, so try to understand and accept her needs!

Tell your wife, "You can't do everything right, and you can't do everything wrong."

Please tell her the following three things more often!

1. You're tired? Let me do it!

2. Don't be afraid! I'm here for you!

3. I love you no matter what you become!

It's time to make some exciting changes! Let's adjust things related to work slowly. Let her do what she can, and wait for the perfect opportunity to transfer her to her preferred department.

The great news is that even if your wife doesn't know much about it, you can still get involved at home!

Absolutely! Take care of the baby and interact with the baby together. This will help your wife feel the incredible joy of the parent-child relationship. Before you know it, she'll be taking excellent care of the baby and won't feel any guilt about it!

If you have time, you should definitely spend more time with your wife and relive the world of two! She'll feel so valued, loved, and cared for.

Go on, encourage her to chat with friends, go shopping, exercise, etc.!

Your understanding is your wife's greatest comfort and support. I absolutely believe that with your careful care, your wife will bounce back from this emotional low in no time! And your child will grow up happy and loved in a healthy family atmosphere!

This little friend:

Hello!

Becoming a mother is a tough journey for a woman. It's filled with joy, hope, loss, and pain.

Becoming a mother is a huge change for women, both physically and mentally. They have to learn how to breastfeed and take care of their children, which can be very stressful. This can make them feel very vulnerable.

Mothers may experience persistent low mood, irritability, listlessness, loss of interest and pleasure, feelings of exhaustion and fatigue, reduced concentration, lowered self-esteem, and may also experience symptoms such as tension, anxiety, insomnia, and loss of appetite.

Your loved one says that since having the baby, no one cares about her anymore. It seems like the family only pays attention to the baby, as if the baby's needs come first, while the mother's dedication and emotional needs are not being seen.

It's natural for women to take on a new identity when they have a baby. Mothers should be there for their kids unconditionally and provide a nurturing environment for their growth.

On the other hand, their personal emotions, career, and social life take a back seat. Mothers have to give up their own personal lives, and in the long run, this can lead to exhaustion, depression, and burnout.

I believe that support, understanding, and care from family and friends is crucial for mothers. Mothers can only achieve their original focus as mothers in a supportive environment.

Wishing you the best!