On the first day of the Chinese New Year, I was crying due to my boyfriend. Is it my fault or does he not care about me?

Hello,

Communication is key to maintaining mutual understanding and satisfaction in a relationship. From what you've said, it seems like you have certain expectations for the New Year's red envelopes and blessings, but your boyfriend might not have realized this or his actions might not have matched your expectations.

This doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, but it shows a difference in how you express your emotions and communicate your needs.

First of all, it's important to understand that everyone expresses love differently, and some people may not be good at expressing their emotions through words or gifts. Second, your disappointment is understandable, given that your expectations for the New Year haven't been met.

However, getting angry and staying angry may not be the best way to solve the problem. It could lead to both of you getting more upset, rather than trying to understand each other and find a solution.

It'd be best to take a deep breath and then have a calm chat with your boyfriend. Let him know you'd like to receive his attention and blessings on special days, and why that's important to you.

It's also important to listen to his perspective and understand why he didn't act according to your expectations.

If you communicate your needs and expectations honestly, you can work together to find a way to meet each other's needs, which will strengthen your relationship. Remember, building and maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort and understanding from both sides.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the respondent to this inquiry. It is my hope that my response will provide some degree of warmth and assistance.

The questioner revealed that she had a dispute with her boyfriend on New Year's Day. The source of the disagreement was that her boyfriend did not include a blessing in the red envelope he gave her, and she did not receive a similar envelope the following day. This led her to believe that he did not care about her, whereas he maintained that he had done nothing wrong and that she was the one who was always uncertain about his intentions and prone to discussing the possibility of ending their relationship. She felt deeply hurt and believed that she was not the person he had described.

[Situation analysis]

If you were so distressed by your boyfriend's actions on New Year's Day that you shed tears, it is reasonable to conclude that you experienced a profound sense of anguish and despondency. Allow me to extend a comforting embrace to you.

In examining the respective roles of the two parties in this situation, it is evident that regardless of whether the individual in question is the one undertaking the task or if the other party is failing to demonstrate care, it is imperative to ascertain who is truly responsible.

1. Does the absence of a blessing in the New Year's red envelope signify a lack of care?

On this issue, the majority of females will likely concur with the male perspective and accuse the male of inattentiveness. However, the majority of males will believe that the act of giving a red envelope indicates care and affection, and therefore, the necessity of a blessing is questionable. Just as females frequently inquire about the nature of the male's feelings, males are less inclined to verbalize their emotions but are more likely to demonstrate their sentiments through their actions.

The discrepancies in the cognitive processes of men and women have resulted in the absence of a universally accepted response to this question.

2. Do you consider the blessing words to be of significant importance? Would you conclude that the absence of a red envelope indicates a lack of interest on the part of the other person?

The crucial factor is whether the individual in question is adept at flattery or capable of undertaking practical actions. It is common for individuals to desire a partner who is adept at flattery and capable of expressing love and affection consistently. However, the reality is that those who excel at verbal persuasion often lack the capacity to take tangible actions, while those who are more action-oriented may not possess the same proficiency in expressing their emotions.

It is inherently challenging to simultaneously enjoy the benefits of a situation while also accepting its inherent drawbacks.

Please consider the following questions:

1. Has your boyfriend consistently demonstrated proficiency in providing emotional support? Does his omission of the customary red envelope blessing align with his typical conduct?

2. What are the positive attributes of the individual in question, and what are the areas in which he may be lacking? What were the subjects of past arguments?

Could it also be due to a perception that he does not care about you sufficiently?

[Proposed methods for consideration]

Dating is a process of getting to know each other as two strangers. It encompasses a range of emotional and psychological stages, from the initial infatuation and perception of only positive attributes, to the subsequent period of stability and recognition of both positive and negative traits, to the stage of mutual adjustment and acceptance, and finally, the confirmation of compatibility and the decision to commit to a long-term relationship.

Arguing, disagreements, and conflicts are all normal processes of friction. Through these processes, individuals gradually become accustomed to each other, and they express their thoughts and emotions, which is beneficial. However, communication also reveals that some things the other person can do, and some things they cannot change. At this juncture, it is important to consider whether it is possible to accept that the other person cannot fulfill the desired outcome.

Is there an alternative solution when he is unable to do so except for engaging in conflict with each other?

It is advisable to avoid repeating the same argument in the future by engaging in communication and negotiation. Each conflict and argument presents an opportunity for couples to gain insight into each other's perspectives and deepen their understanding of one another.

It is a universal experience for couples to undergo this process; therefore, it is important not to dwell on the situation or allow it to cause distress.

It would be beneficial to establish rules that can be accepted by both parties, with a view to reducing the likelihood of future arguments.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

I extend my support to you and wish you the best in resolving the issues you are currently facing. I hope that you will soon find a resolution to the challenges you are experiencing and achieve a state of comfort and ease.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback on my post. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

Dear friend, I can tell you are experiencing a lot right now. It is normal to feel confused and hurt when a relationship ends, especially when it ends in an ambiguous and uncertain way.

Your feelings are justified, and your emotional response is understandable. The "no bottom line" you mentioned may be the result of your emotional investment and expectations.

You may unconsciously seek to maintain contact with the person, even though this contact may be harmful to you. In a relationship, we often make decisions that do not meet our original intentions because of reluctance and habit.

Emotional attachment is a fundamental part of the human experience. When a relationship ends, you will experience a range of complex emotions, including sadness, anger, loss, and confusion.

These emotions are normal and reflect your commitment to the relationship and your adjustment to the changes. The "third-person feeling" you mentioned is a result of your ex-boyfriend's lack of respect and clear boundaries in the relationship.

In a healthy relationship, both parties have clear boundaries and mutual respect. Your ex-boyfriend's emotional dishonesty and confusion have left you confused and hurt.

Your reference to "helping him seamlessly move on to the next girlfriend" shows you're still emotionally vulnerable and attached to the relationship. You need to recognize your own value and learn to set healthy boundaries.

You must allow yourself to feel grief and anger. These are normal emotions that help you deal with loss.

Secondly, you should share your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Social support is an important resource for coping with emotional trauma. You need an outside perspective to help you see your situation clearly and find a way forward.

Your ex-boyfriend's behavior is a reflection of his own emotional distress and immaturity. This is not your fault, and you are not responsible for it.

You have every right to protect your emotional health by deleting him.

You have the right to pursue happiness and respect. Don't sacrifice your feelings to please others. It may be difficult now, but time will help you heal.

You deserve better treatment and a healthier relationship. Your feelings matter, and so does your happiness. Look forward to a brighter future.

Good day, Jokerev. I empathize with your emotional fluctuations from last night to today. New Year's Eve is a significant event for many, particularly for individuals like you who experience a heightened sense of longing for their parents on such occasions.

Firstly, please accept my sincere condolences. Your vigil is a poignant testament to the strength of family ties.

In regard to the communication issues between you and your boyfriend, I believe the issue extends beyond the red envelope or the blessing itself. It is more about whether the emotional connection and expectations of each other have been met. You hope that he can pay more attention to your mood and needs, especially on such an important holiday, and a blessing with a heart will seem particularly important.

His reaction may be due to a variety of reasons, including a lack of emotional expression, a lack of awareness of the importance of this action to you, or a lack of consideration of your feelings. It would be premature to conclude from this incident alone that he does not care about you or is unwilling to put in the effort. It should be noted that everyone expresses love in different ways, and some people prioritize practical actions in their daily lives over the formality of a particular moment.

However, it is evident that there is a communication barrier between you. You expect him to be more proactive and sensitive in caring for you, while he feels that he is tired of guessing your mind and misunderstands your attitude towards relationships.

I recommend scheduling a time to engage in a comprehensive discussion in a calm and patient manner. During this conversation, it is essential to express your feelings and needs with honesty and clarity, while also actively listening to your partner's thoughts and concerns.

A healthy relationship requires both parties to work together to understand and adapt to each other's needs, as well as to have open communication and mutual understanding and tolerance. Sometimes we may over-amplify a certain detail, but the key to solving problems often lies in the underlying psychological communication and emotional connection.

In the new year, may you find your own balance in love through effective communication, grow together, and cherish each other.

Hello!

It's great you've asked this question, as it ties in perfectly with what we've been talking about recently, which is the New Year and relationships.

I've been impressed by your honesty and openness for a long time now. You've shared your feelings here.

I'd also like to talk about my feelings and share my thoughts with you.

On New Year's Eve, your boyfriend gives you a red envelope. It's not marked "Happy New Year" or anything like that.

You feel like it's a bit too casual and without the right emotional context. You feel like it's lacking in the blessing aspect, too. Your parents passed away too early, leaving you with a sense of loss. If there was more love to make up for it, it would make you feel warmer.

But no. You didn't get any sleep that night and were disappointed.

I think it's safe to say that women tend to think about their boyfriends when they're feeling lonely. It's a two-way street, though. You're full of him at that time, but he's not full of you.

I think women are like this, and I'm no exception. When I think about my boyfriend, I think about how I can treat him more delicately. I also want him to treat me with the same level of care and attention.

That's the kind of love that makes you happy.

It's a fact of life that men will always let us down. They're not as careful as we are, and even if he promised to write a blessing on the red envelope this time, he'll forget next time.

They'd never think of something like that, and it wouldn't matter to them. They'd think that just giving a large amount of money is an expression of their love.

It's not in a man's nature to write a wish with feminine words. Especially men in the north are tough guys, and they can't learn a few soft words or flattering words.

From a man's perspective, women tend to have a lot of different moods. They often say that women are like dogs and cats.

It's true that women tend to have more ideas and are more imaginative. They can think from one thing to ten things, and then back to one thing again. For example, if you want to express your disappointment in the morning, the best way to do it is to ignore a video call.

He'll realize you're angry. When a woman is angry, a man will often do something else.

His girlfriend doesn't pay much attention to him anyway, and he has a lot on his plate. For example, he can chat with his friends, talk to his family, eat, play games, etc. In short, he has a lot going on.

He won't just focus on his girlfriend. He'll wait until she's in a better mood before trying to reason with her. He'll talk about what they think are the reasons, from his own point of view, the way he sees them.

On top of that, it's the New Year, and if he's always cuddling with his girlfriend at home, his family will think he's too clingy.

When women are in love, they tend to talk about their emotions. It seems like you're saying that your emotions are being ignored, which could be an emotional problem.

Men don't understand emotional issues. They only understand reason, and they only speak reason. When you talk about emotional issues, they guess in the direction of reason, but they're wrong.

When you two talk, one of you is focused on reason and the other is focused on emotions. You don't speak the same language, which can lead to misunderstandings and arguments.

So after all that back and forth, your boyfriend didn't realize you were talking about an emotional issue. He assumed you were talking about the money problem, so he said he would keep transferring money to you. You weren't talking about the money problem, though. You were talking about the emotional problem. You figured out that his problem with transferring money was an emotional problem, so you figured out that he wasn't willing to pay for you and spend time with you.

If I might continue with the reasoning, it seems that he doesn't care about you and doesn't love you.

Your boyfriend doesn't understand your emotional reasoning. He thinks you're inexplicable. Do you really need him to guess what you want? You've already said you want affection, and it seems like you're not getting it from him.

These words are a bit complex.

What a man really means is, "Don't make me guess. Why don't you just name a sum of money and I'll send it to you? That'll be quicker."

A woman is basically saying that you don't care about her at all, that you can't feel her love for you, and that she doesn't feel your love for her.

This is basically how men and women interact. They think differently, and they guess at each other, but they can't understand each other's thoughts or words.

So women are stuck trying to resolve their issues, while men are at a loss and simply don't understand.

On a day like New Year's, women tend to prioritize their emotions. You seem like a down-to-earth, kind person, and I've seen your messages in several groups, so I have a good grasp on your perspective.

On a day like this, it's not just you, a woman, who has this thought. I think many women with a need for love also have this thought: to find that feeling of being loved. Even if love is all around us, we must have the ability to receive love and understand men's perspectives to feel that feeling of being surrounded by love.

Let's work together to improve here. Thanks for all your support.

Hi, have a nice day.

I can sense some conflict and self-doubt in you. You are conflicted because on the one hand you suspect that your boyfriend is not putting in the effort, that he doesn't care about you, and on the other hand you suspect that it is your own problem, that you are being too demanding, when in fact your boyfriend is doing a good job. You need someone to help you analyze what is going on between you two. Let's explore together.

"What's wrong with you?"

Let's be clear: "being made cry by your boyfriend" is not just about this one thing. You were also upset because you didn't receive New Year's greetings right away on New Year's Day. Your emotions were compounded.

1. Unhappy: On New Year's Eve, he sent you a normal red envelope at 7 o'clock, but you confiscated it and instead transferred 520 yuan to him. He didn't notice, and you were already unhappy.

2. Disappointed: You were let down that you didn't get any New Year's greetings, just a goodnight.

3. Angry: You were forced to stay up all night while he fell asleep, leaving you alone.

4. Sadness: Late at night, when everyone is asleep, all your negative emotions surface. You think about it some more and feel sadder. You tell him how disappointed you are.

[Your interactions]

1. Your emotions have eased: He sees your message and calls you on video because he notices your emotions. You are relieved and choose not to answer in order to vent. At this point, your anger has eased a little, so you take the initiative to call him on video to let him know what's wrong with you and to make him comfort you and let this matter pass.

2. He loses his temper:

Your boyfriend's thoughts: From the moment you hang up on him, his patience is exhausted. He feels that he has done everything he should, but you are never satisfied. You don't like the fact that he didn't write "Happy New Year" in the red envelope he gave you on New Year's Eve. You don't like the fact that he didn't wish you a Happy New Year in the message he sent you at midnight. You don't like the fact that he didn't accompany you on your vigil, even though he called you on video. You are disappointed when you see the first message from him on New Year's Day. If he doesn't try to appease you, you will break up with him. But if he does appease you this time, there will be another time, and it's really exhausting.

You both complain about your grievances without listening to each other.

You're not afraid of a fight, but you're afraid of hurting feelings.

In the end, when your boyfriend tries to make amends and says he'll transfer money to you, he's begging for peace. It's clear that you think your boyfriend just wants to avoid trouble and still doesn't understand what you want. You want to talk things through.

This is a "frequency mismatch." You can change the frequency during an argument, but you need to find the right way to do it.

I want to know what's going on.

You always expect that if you don't say it, your boyfriend will understand what you mean. But if you do say it, he'll just think it's no big deal.

You don't know what you want from your boyfriend because you're always looking for ways to make him prove his love and commitment to you. You need to stop expecting him to do things that make him uncomfortable just to keep you happy.

[Getting along with others is a way to see yourself]

You want him to make an effort for you. It's important to you that he does so to satisfy your emotional needs. So, apart from asking him to meet your expectations, what can you do to satisfy your own emotions?

Try a different approach.

For example, try phrasing your request like this:

1. I want to be the first to receive your New Year's greetings on the first day of the New Year. I'll be really happy if it's a big red envelope.

2. I would be very happy if you could keep vigil with me. If you feel awkward, that's fine. I'm already very happy that you have this intention.

3. You didn't initiate the blessing, but you understood it as soon as I mentioned it and admitted your mistake in a good manner. I accepted the late transfer. We're getting to know each other better and better. I wish you the best in the new year.

I hope this helps.

I am Potato Maling, who has grown up with you. I appreciate your attention.

Hello, questioner! From your account, I get the impression that you are a girl who attaches great importance to feelings. This is shown by: 1. keeping vigil for your deceased parents on New Year's Eve.

1. Stay up all night, cuddled up with your boyfriend. 2. Send your boyfriend a 520 red envelope on New Year's Eve to express your love for him.

4. If you feel like you can't resolve a somewhat tense relationship with your boyfriend, don't worry! There are plenty of people online who can help. These behaviors show that you're a girl who values relationships, and that's a great thing!

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

Girls who are more emotional will often spend a lot of time and energy focusing on their emotions and having a deep experience of them. I can see that you have a lot of feelings about your boyfriend, and I'm here to listen. The inner activities you described during your interactions with your boyfriend were all very deep and rich.

For example, you showed successively: not receiving a red envelope – disappointment, not being able to chat with you after midnight – loss, not receiving New Year greetings in the morning – disappointment, and anger, until you later cried after an unpleasant communication with your boyfriend. There is also the worry after a bit of a standoff with your boyfriend (worrying about whether you did something wrong). As the saying goes, "What you care about will tire you out, and what you care about will trouble you."

It's totally normal to feel this way! Many girls in a relationship will have these emotional problems. You can say that you are tired of the current relationship situation with your boyfriend and are very troubled.

They'll be really troubled. They love each other so much, but why doesn't the other person know what they want? Even if they take a step back when conflicts arise, why doesn't the other person appreciate this and take a step back too?

It's important to remember that men and women think differently. Men often think in a more rational, analytical way, while women tend to be more intuitive and focus on emotional experiences.

They like to explore the inner laws of things. Women, on the other hand, tend to think more intuitively and focus more on emotional experiences when thinking.

I just want to focus on your emotions, just like in your narrative.

It's totally normal to want your partner to show you attention, care, concern, and affection. But it's also important to remember that your boyfriend is trying his best to make you happy.

It's totally understandable that you're using your own way of thinking to demand things from your boyfriend, which can make him feel confused and overwhelmed. It's important to remember that in your interactions,

You both show your love for each other in your own special ways. For example, your boyfriend sent you a red envelope early, at 7 pm on New Year's Eve.

He remembers to send you red envelopes, which I think is a really lovely sign of his love for you.

Zero o'clock sends you goodnight wishes! Zero o'clock is a very special time when he specifically sends you goodnight wishes.

I think it's a sign of love, don't you?

I can tell you're feeling a little angry, sweetheart. I'll send you a video and we can talk about how you're feeling.

I'd love to talk to you about your feelings from the heart.

If you have a disagreement, it's totally okay to ignore it. It's clear that he cares about you, so he calls you to explain and talk to you about his feelings. From what you've said, it seems like you have a lot of similar exchanges, which is totally normal!

It's clear that both of you have done so much for this relationship. But it's also understandable that you can't always feel each other's efforts. Sometimes it can feel like the other person doesn't appreciate what you're doing.

So you started complaining to each other. Do you see what's going on here?

I'm sure you'll agree that the problem between you two isn't about whether there's love or whether you care about each other.

You both love each other and care deeply about each other, which is wonderful! However, there is a small issue with the way you communicate.

It's so easy to get caught up in our own perspectives, isn't it? We often use our own self-perception to determine the attitude of the other person. It's so natural to do that, but it can lead to some confusion. We might even be guilty of projecting on the other person.

First, let's assume that the other person doesn't love themselves. Then, we'll look for evidence of this in their behavior. And we'll ignore some of the actions that the other person does care about.

Take a moment to see if you do this.

I know it can be tough to think about, but I'm here to help. Why do you think you're doing this? It might be helpful to think about whether your recent situation or long-term life experience has made you have a subconscious self-perception like,

I'm not cute, am I? Let's think about it together.

(For example, the death of your parents made you feel that you were abandoned by the world. etc.) If you have such a negative self-perception,

It's so important to adjust your self-perception. Try not to let negative perceptions affect your current state of life.

This is a bit of a deeper psychological exploration, so it might be helpful to learn more or chat with a relevant psychological professional in more detail.

1. Accept yourself, warts and all.

From your description, it's clear you feel unloved. I understand, and I accept you. You can accept yourself and your current behavior.

2. Identify the source of your anger.

You say that your boyfriend made you cry on New Year's Day. I want to know if it was his behavior that was so destructive, or if your perception and understanding of the situation hurt you again.

3. Reactions in specific situations

You stayed up all night to keep watch over your parents. You are undoubtedly low on self-energy. You have lost an important loved one, you long for care and companionship, and you need strength to face it all. This undoubtedly factors into your having higher expectations of your boyfriend.

4. Reflection

Put yourself in their shoes. What kind of behavior do you exhibit when he doesn't express his feelings? What kind of emotional value do you provide so that he perceives that you care and love him? How do you know what the other person needs?

Tell me, what do you do to meet the expectations of the other person? And at the same time, what kind of people will unconditionally give us such an ultimate emotional experience?

5. Active expression vs. passive waiting

Tell your boyfriend directly what you think if you can do it. How will your feelings be different?

"I look forward to the red envelope you send, with my exclusive blessings. I will feel favored." "I feel a bit lost when I don't get your greetings."

Expressing our feelings and emotions rather than making demands on others and taking the initiative to lower our expectations will undoubtedly lead to less disappointment and complaining.

6. "Did I do it or doesn't he care about me?"

Asking this question means you want to change and take the initiative to explore solutions. This is how you make progress. Two people who care about each other may need a better and more honest way of communicating.

We are confident that the other party will be more responsible and indebted to you.

The advantages and progress will definitely be repeated, and the fault-finding and fault-finding will also be repeated. A good man can be shaped. You must choose wisely.

I wish you optimism and happiness.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell you're feeling frustrated and helpless. But you're also aware of it, and that's a good thing. It means you're strong enough to handle it.

From your description, I can tell you are very sensitive and need to be loved.

Your boyfriend sent you a red envelope on New Year's Eve without wishing you a Happy New Year. You stayed up late to keep watch over your parents and your phone automatically turned off. The next day, you contacted him to express your emotions. He said he would transfer money to you, but you felt that he didn't want to.

It makes you very sad, doesn't it?

I don't know what you've been through, but I know this: All problems are our resources, and we are the experts in solving our own problems. When you become aware of it, you are already on the path to change.

From your description, I can tell you're sensitive.

Your living environment and personality are not the issue. What I want to tell you is this: Don't label yourself too much. Be brave and adjust yourself, and learn to love yourself.

Let's take a look at your description. I can help you with that.

First, it's clear you care a great deal about your boyfriend and love him deeply.

You will also express your emotions. It is just that sometimes his behavior and words may not give you enough security and make you feel uncomfortable.

Let me be clear: nobody is perfect. We all have different needs because we have experienced different things.

I know your feelings are real and have a reason behind them. Boys and girls have different needs. Most boys are straightforward, while most girls need a sense of security and a sense of ritual. We must accept others' differences and allow others to be different from what we think.

Second, you pay a lot of attention to detail, but I'm not going to tell you about it.

You need to learn to love yourself. That's the only way you'll become strong inside.

You need to stop being so sensitive. You need to learn to love yourself and build up your strength.

You will have a good attitude. You will lead a happy life with ease and comfort.

I know you value your boyfriend and that you don't want to break up, even when you're feeling down. But I want you to try something. Open your heart, communicate with your boyfriend, and express your emotions without letting them control you. Let him know what you're feeling, but don't let him guess. Open your heart and communicate openly. This will help you grow and communicate better.

Finally, you will find more positive forces in your daily life. You will be able to use positive mental suggestions and meditation exercises to calm your mind. You will become aware of why you feel this way. You will understand the need behind this feeling.

You must identify the root cause of your problems and make the necessary adjustments.

Get a more relaxed and happier life.

I want to be clear: those who are self-disciplined in life are actively willing to be healed. As I said above, if you have time to check, you are already on the path to change.

If you can't adjust on your own or don't know what to do and feel helpless, seek help from a professional counselor. Let them use their professional skills to dig deep into the root causes in your subconscious, adjust your perception, heal your heart, and give you the courage to face it. Have the courage to break through this uncomfortable feeling.

Dear Questioner, It is unfortunate when a significant other makes another person cry on New Year's Day. I empathize with your disappointment and sadness during that time. It is clear that this is a serious issue.

It is not uncommon for misunderstandings to arise in romantic relationships. Sometimes, it is not a lack of care on either party's part, but rather an issue with the way communication is handled.

Consider the following: On New Year's Eve, you anticipated a unique gesture from your partner, including a blessing and a red envelope. However, it appears that he did not fulfill these expectations. Understandably, you are disappointed.

It may be helpful to consider another perspective. It's possible that he is unaware of your concerns or that he has a different way of expressing his affection. This is an example of a communication breakdown.

I recall a case in which the female partner consistently anticipated a more romantic demonstration of affection from her male partner, whereas the latter perceived practical actions as a more significant form of expression. They subsequently engaged in a constructive dialogue, during which the female partner elucidated her expectations, and the male partner demonstrated comprehension of her perspective.

Since that time, the relationship has continued to flourish.

In psychology, there is a concept called "the five languages of love," which refers to the different ways people express and receive love. Some people prefer affirming words, some appreciate thoughtful gestures, some enjoy receiving gifts, some value acts of service, and some seek physical contact.

It is not incorrect if you and your partner do not share the same love language. The key is to learn to listen to and understand each other.

In response to your question, I would like to offer some more specific and actionable advice. First, identify an appropriate time to meet with your boyfriend and schedule a productive discussion.

It would be advisable to inform him of your feelings and expectations regarding demonstrations of affection. It would also be beneficial to listen to his thoughts and ascertain his preferred method of expressing love.

This will enable you to gain a deeper understanding of each other's needs and meet them more effectively.

Secondly, you can endeavour to express your love for him in a manner that he finds appealing. For instance, if he appreciates acts of service, you could prepare a lavish meal for him when he is occupied. Alternatively, if he values affirming words, you could offer praise and encouragement promptly when he performs well.

This will enable him to perceive your intentions and feel the love you are trying to convey.

It is also important to communicate regularly. Share your thoughts and feelings with your boyfriend more often and make communication a regular part of your relationship.

This approach allows for the timely resolution of issues, preventing misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Dear colleague, Please do not allow these minor misunderstandings to cause you distress.

I am confident that, as long as you and your partner are able to communicate openly and understand each other, your relationship will be stronger and more fulfilling. It is essential to remember that love requires mutual effort and dedication. By putting in the necessary effort, you will undoubtedly reap the benefits of a happy and fulfilling relationship.

I wish you the best of luck!

It's so important to feel valued in a relationship! When we feel ignored or unappreciated, it can really affect our mood and even lead to arguments. Based on what you've shared, there might be a few different factors at play here. It's not just about "being lazy" or "not caring."

Communication: There's a world of difference between your expectations and your communication! You're looking for a way to express your feelings, not just the amount or form of the red envelope.

It's totally possible that your boyfriend doesn't fully understand this, or that he has a different view on how to express his love. The good news is that effective communication is the key to resolving these kinds of problems! Simply telling the other person what you expect and why it is important to you can help reduce misunderstandings.

The wonderful thing about love is that it comes in so many different forms. Everyone expresses care and love differently. Some people may prefer to express it verbally, while others do so through actions. Perhaps you need to better understand each other's love languages in order to more effectively express and receive love.

Managing emotions is an essential part of keeping your relationship healthy and happy! It's totally normal to feel disappointed or hurt sometimes, but how you handle these feelings and express them can make a big impact on your relationship.

It's important to avoid making decisions or expressing important opinions when you are highly emotional. Give yourself some time to calm down before discussing it. You'll be able to think more clearly then!

Reflect and grow: Every argument and disagreement is an amazing chance to get to know the other person and to reflect on yourself. Think about how both sides can improve and better meet each other's emotional needs!

In your case, there is room for improvement on both sides, which is great because it means there are things you can work on to make your relationship even better! On the one hand, you can express your expectations and needs more clearly, while also trying to understand your boyfriend's way of expressing himself and his possible limitations.

On the other hand, your boyfriend also has the chance to become more aware of your emotional needs and learn how to express his love and care in a way that you can feel.

Hello! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us your troubles so that we can help you find a solution. You've come to us with the issue of being made to cry by your boyfriend on the first day of the New Year. You're asking whether you're to blame or whether he doesn't care about you.

"After reading your detailed introduction and understanding your situation, I'm going to hug you first, and then we'll explore this issue together.

1. Introduction

1⃣️ Red envelope?

You said, "Last night was New Year's Eve, and he sent me a red envelope (the original red envelope) around 7 o'clock, without changing it to Happy New Year or anything. I didn't want to accept it, but I did transfer 520 to him. After midnight, he only sent me a message saying he was sleeping. I told him I wasn't sleeping, and he said goodnight."

Later, we videoed him falling asleep before hanging up. I didn't sleep all night (because I was keeping watch over my deceased parents), but my phone inexplicably turned off and fell to the ground. I turned it on thinking my boyfriend would send me a red envelope or wish me a happy new year, but there was nothing. I was quite disappointed and lost. Later, I sent him a good morning message and videoed my home for 3 minutes to express my disappointment. I got angry, and I stopped answering when he called. After thinking for a while, I decided it was better to talk things out rather than have a cold war. I took the initiative to video the other person, but the two of us didn't say anything together. I said that he didn't care about me, didn't value me, and didn't favor me. I also said that what I cared about wasn't the red envelope, but your intentions. For example, it doesn't matter how much the red envelope is worth; you have to bring your own words of improvement (happy new year) instead of the system default of congratulations on getting rich.

I also asked him if he was broke, and if he was broke, I wouldn't be so stubborn. He said he would transfer money to me, and I knew he wasn't going to. He also said that I only care about myself, and always make him guess my thoughts for no reason, that he is tired of it and feels hurt when I break up with him so easily (but I didn't break up with him easily, and I never really broke up with him). Blocking and deleting didn't do anything.

What's this about a red envelope?

On New Year's Eve, your boyfriend sent you a plain red envelope without a greeting, which made you feel uncomfortable and prompted you to decline it. However, you considered that you had already given him 520 yuan for the New Year, which demonstrated your intentions.

I am disappointed.

You waited all night for a new expression of good wishes, but none came. You were disappointed and told him how you felt after wishing him a good morning.

I want to know if you care.

You made it clear to him that you didn't care about the amount of the red envelope, but that you did care about a sincere blessing from him. That was proof that he cared about you. From this, you thought that he didn't care about you, didn't value you, didn't love you, etc.

arguments

He doesn't realize the significance of the well wishes to you. He thinks you're making a big deal out of nothing because he's already transferred money to you. You argue, and he thinks you're too self-centered. When conflicts arise, you always make him guess what you're thinking, and you mention breaking up all the time. He feels sad and tired.

In hindsight, you are certain that you never mentioned breaking up with him or unfriended him.

2⃣️, sad

You said, "I was crying on New Year's Day anyway, so I don't know what other people were doing. It's not my fault."

He doesn't care about me. He doesn't want to put any effort into me.

"

You are sad.

After the argument, you didn't solve the problem. You made yourself even sadder, crying and sobbing.

Question:

You need to determine whether the issue you had with your boyfriend is your responsibility, his responsibility, or if he simply doesn't care about you and isn't paying attention to you.

2. Causes of conflict

1⃣️, Different focus

The focus of attention is...

The focus of attention is the object or field that people are particularly concerned about or value at a certain moment or in a certain situation. It can be specific, such as a person's interest in a particular topic or activity, or it can be abstract, such as the experience of a certain emotion or state.

In daily life, the focus of attention changes depending on personal needs, circumstances, or the stage of life.

We have different concerns.

The issue with the red envelope on the 30th night is that you have different focuses. You want a sincere "blessing message" to show he cares about you.

You value his intentions and care. He is focused on the fact that he did this and transferred the money to you, and everything else is just a formality.

There is no right or wrong between you. You simply have different focuses and a lack of consistent communication.

2⃣️, Expectations

Expectations

Expectations are a feeling of longing and hope within the heart. They can be expectations of good things in the future or expectations of a certain person or thing.

You are disappointed.

From your conversations with your boyfriend, it's clear you have high expectations of him. You pay close attention to his every word and action, care about your place in his heart, and are concerned about his attitude towards you. When your expectations aren't met, you feel a gap in your heart and believe he doesn't love you very much.

3⃣, Attachment Attachment is the glue that binds relationships. It's about feeling connected to someone and having a strong emotional bond. When this is missing, it can lead to feelings of emptiness and a lack of intimacy.

From your description, I am convinced that your attachment relationship is of the anxious type and that you are a melancholic personality.

You have an anxious attachment style.

People with an anxious attachment style invest all their feelings in a relationship, but often find that the other person does not want the relationship to develop as intimate as they would like. This lack of intimacy can make them feel uneasy, and sometimes they may even worry that their partner does not value them as much as they value them.

Their behavior is as follows:

Anxious attachment people are always on their guard in intimate relationships, constantly pondering every move of the other person. They are afraid of unstable relationships and feel insecure, so they behave clingingly and give others the impression of being stalkers.

People with a melancholic personality

People with a melancholic personality have:

They are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

Strengths: You are delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, talented and insightful.

The disadvantages are that they are obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

You are sensitive, perfectionistic, tend to dwell on things, and are self-centered. This makes you think more about your own feelings, which causes conflicts.

3. What to do

1⃣️, Mutual understanding

We all have differences.

There are two types of differences: differences between things and contradictions within things. The latter is not intensified and reflects the diversity of things. It can also be used to describe individual differences, including physical, mental, cognitive differences, and differences in opinions about things.

Mutual understanding is key.

We come from different families and cultural backgrounds, so differences in personality, thinking, living habits, and perceptions are to be expected. Men and women also have different views on the same issue. If you understand these differences between you and have mutual understanding, you can let go of these differences and gradually assimilate.

2⃣️, Consistent communication

Communication is essential in a relationship. Many couples often misunderstand each other and have arguments when they don't know each other well enough. This is not a bad thing. It is a reminder that you have differences and need to communicate further to increase mutual understanding.

Consistent communication is the key to reducing misunderstandings and enhancing your relationship.

Consistent communication is key.

Consistent communication means that when you communicate with the other person, your verbal and non-verbal information must align with your inner feelings. In consistent communication, you must give the self, the other person, and the situation the attention and respect they deserve.

This model of human speech demonstrates inner awareness, with expression and speech in alignment, inner harmony and balance, and a strong sense of self-worth.

This is the consistent communication method.

The following sentence patterns are commonly used in consistent communication exercises and expressions. After a long period of time, you will be able to truly communicate in a consistent manner. The specific sentence patterns are as follows:

When...

Describe the objective situation in a clear, objective manner, without any accusations or emotions.

My feeling is...

State your feelings and emotions clearly.

I expect...

Clearly express what you want the other person to do, specify your needs, and make them quantifiable, executable, and visible expectations.

I believe...

Describe your expectations for a good relationship.

Use congruent communication and align your feelings, actions, and words to send a consistent message to the other person. This will reduce misunderstandings and ensure a harmonious romantic life.

3⃣️, Learn to listen.

Listen.

Listening means listening attentively to the voices or opinions of others in order to understand and respect their views. It is an act of respecting and understanding others, so you must listen attentively to the voices of others, including their opinions, suggestions, and complaints.

Learn to listen.

When we interact with people and fall in love, we learn to listen. We can not only hear the sound, but more importantly, we can understand and care about the other person's feelings. By listening, we can establish better communication, cooperation, and intimacy with others.

I have read your question and from my perspective as a third party, I believe my advice will be helpful to you. Have a nice day!

Hello! I'm a heart coach, and I'm here to tell you that life is an amazing journey! It's not just about appreciation, it's about blossoming and growing.

"You can't guess a girl's thoughts, no matter how hard you try; you'll never understand." My dear, I've tried to imagine the two of you: one crying her heart out, heartbroken and unable to sleep; the other sleeping through until morning without a care in the world. Who did what wrong?

It's so great that we're all different! Men and women are inherently different, and that's a wonderful thing.

? 1. You absolutely need to learn to express your emotional needs directly!

Not bad at all! (1) At least you are doing some self-reflection. You might be being manipulative, but you're definitely on the right track!

Men and women in love, especially girls, are brimming with little thoughts! Sometimes they are bold and daring in expressing their love, and sometimes they are so self-conscious and inferior that they dare not express themselves.

The little whims and caprices in a relationship are a wonderful way to confirm the other person's feelings and degree of love for you. To a certain extent, it is a great desire for a sense of security.

(2) Communicate actively with the other person! You can express your true feelings to the other person afterwards, and also state your requests.

If you had said those things beforehand, you would have avoided heartache! It would have been so wonderful for the two of you to stay up late on New Year's Eve and greet the New Year together on the first day!

But that's the wonderful thing about love: it gives you sweetness and happiness, but it also makes the two of you suffer. Even if you're together, you can still suffer from the pangs of love!

2. He shows his love for you in his "language of love."

Men and women are born different, which makes it impossible to truly put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel what they feel. But here's the good news: if you tell your best friend about this experience, they will be able to empathize with you both!

I think you'll be amazed at the different inspiration and education you'll get from your opposite-sex friends! The perspective of the problem changes, and the result will naturally be different.

The book "The Five Languages of Love" is a fantastic resource that mentions five amazing ways to express love: words, actions, gifts, companionship, and recognition. You can find your own unique language of love in your interactions and also discover the way you want to express love.

If you love each other, cherish each other, find a way of communication that is suitable and comfortable for both sides, and don't hurt each other anymore, even if it's unintentional, you'll be amazed at how much better it can be! The song by Ren Suxi at the Spring Festival Gala is a great way to experience all this together!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you!

If you want to keep the conversation going, I highly recommend checking out my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help.

I believe that you are not the problem. However, it is true that men do not care about our feelings.

Eight years ago, my mother passed away.

At that time, there were two days: the first night was the Sabbath; the next morning was the funeral.

Many relatives had flown in from abroad, including the United States, Taiwan, and California, to attend my mother's funeral. My cousin in Hong Kong organized a thank-you dinner for these foreign relatives the next evening.

I was, of course, very sad on the way home.

Then my husband suddenly said, "Can't you be happier for me these past two days?" After hearing this, I pulled a long face and immediately stopped responding to my husband.

But he looked helpless, as if he thought I was angry with him and acting out.

I took my husband to the counselor's office and we discussed the matter. He then admitted that he had made a mistake with his choice of words.

Men are more careless by nature and do not consider our feelings.

If you don't like something your boyfriend does, such as not changing the wording on the red pocket he gave you for Chinese New Year, have a conversation with him.

Start sentences with "I" when communicating with your boyfriend.

Use the methods in the book (Nonviolent Communication).

I am confident that you will find a solution to the problem you are facing soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

!