Recently pregnant, seems to be a mother and son who appreciate each other and an unseen daughter-in-law?

Wu Fei Kong's analysis:

You're facing challenges, including staying in bed during pregnancy and stress from family. It's tough, but it can bring your family closer.

It's normal to feel this way about your mother-in-law and husband. Communication is key in family relationships.

You aren't getting enough attention or support, which makes you feel disappointed and frustrated.

Your husband may not know how to handle household chores and the care required during pregnancy. Talk to him about your needs. He might not understand what you need.

Express your needs in a way he can understand, like "I feel" or "I need."

Your mother-in-law may have her own habits and be bad at expressing her emotions. Try to communicate with her to let her know your feelings and needs.

Maybe she doesn't mean to ignore you. She just doesn't know how to express her feelings. Respect her, but also hope she'll pay more attention to you.

You may need more support and care. If you feel stressed, you can see a counselor or doctor.

Family relationships take time and patience to adjust. Through honest communication, you can find a way to get along with each other and feel respected and loved.

I hope you and your family get through this and welcome the new life.

Hello! I'm so happy I can answer your question. I really hope some of these suggestions will be helpful to you.

It's totally normal to have problems in a marriage and family. When you enter a new stage, new problems will also arise.

I'm so happy to be able to help you with this! There are really just two main areas that require a little extra attention and handling.

It's so important to take care of our physical and mental health!

It's totally normal for our hormones to cause our emotions to fluctuate greatly during pregnancy. Even things from the past that don't seem important can sometimes make us feel really negative.

It's so important to keep an eye on our physical condition. When we go for a pregnancy check-up, we can ask the doctor about our situation and learn some ways to regulate our emotions. We can also pay better attention to our physical health and pay attention to the relevant matters that need attention during pregnancy.

The second part is our marriage and family.

We also have some communication issues between husband and wife, as well as between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The good news is that the solution is still the same: how to better manage the small family formed between us and our husband.

It would be really helpful for you both to communicate more with each other. Try to reach a consensus on opinions and goals, and why not go to marriage and family counseling together? You could even learn together how to better handle family chores!

We really hope that through some self-reflection and the support of professionals, you can learn to regulate your emotions better and find a family approach that suits you perfectly!

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Hello, questioner! It seems you have three kinds of distress. First, you are pregnant and have to stay in bed to protect the baby, so you can't do many things. You asked your husband to do them, but he just does what he is told, without any flexibility. You feel out of control, and it's very disorganized, which makes you feel very overwhelmed. You need to take control of the situation. You need to tell your husband that you need help with the chores and that you need him to be more flexible. You need to organize your time better.

Second, you are distressed by your husband's lack of social skills. You bought a gift for your mother-in-law, but your husband did not have the consideration to tell his mother that you bought it for her, which would have improved your relationship with your mother-in-law. Third, you want to get along with your mother-in-law, but she does not seem interested in interacting with people, and you feel a bit helpless.

You are a considerate person who makes others feel comfortable. You bought a gift for your mother-in-law despite being pregnant and worried about keeping the baby. Your husband is not good at the household chores you expect him to do, and you are a bit dissatisfied. However, you tell your mother-in-law that "it's a lot to learn at once and it's easy to feel stressed." Your husband is good at making dumpling skins, and you send a picture to your mother-in-law to praise him.

Your husband doesn't mention his intention to buy a gift for your mother-in-law, so you decide to communicate directly with your mother-in-law more often in the future. This shows that you are reasonable, kind, and considerate, and have a high emotional quotient.

You enjoy social interaction and forming connections with others. However, you have a programmer-like husband and a mother-in-law who avoids communication, making it challenging for you to establish a rapport. Additionally, your mother-in-law admires your husband, and you feel overlooked by both of them. Your husband does not recognize your efforts with your mother-in-law, and your mother-in-law does not see you for who you truly are. From your title, I sense a sense of loneliness and loss in your family.

As a woman who married into this family, you seem to be having trouble integrating.

From a family systems perspective, it's likely that your mother-in-law and husband have an original nuclear family system. You joined this family, and the original system was shaken, requiring expansion. Your husband had to separate from the mother-son system and form a new couple's system with you. Your mother-in-law felt a crisis of separation, as if she would partially lose her son. You, on the other hand, had to leave your original family and also experience separation. You tried to integrate into the new family and establish a new coordinate and position within it. It was clear that whether you could be accepted and cherished by your husband and mother-in-law was also undergoing change and crisis.

Your husband has gone from a one-on-one relationship with his mother to having to deal with two women, you and his mother, both of whom want to form an alliance with him and both of whom expect his loyalty. He is also in a new triangular relationship and needs to relearn how to play the roles of husband and son. So, on the surface, life is trivial and ordinary, but everyone is experiencing some silent transformation within, and there is a crisis of some kind. It's as if you feel like an invisible daughter-in-law.

Your family resources are clear. You are sincere and kind, willing to pay and communicate. Your husband is inflexible but willing to take responsibility. You have arranged things so that he is willing to do it. Your mother-in-law doesn't interact actively but responds to your messages. She is protective of her son, saying he never did it before but now he actually does it. She also says it's no big deal because he can learn from school. You need someone to see your response to what you said: "My son is clumsy at doing housework, and you are pregnant and have to worry about it, which is really hard work."

This is clearly a grafted relationship as a daughter-in-law, and the loneliness in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is evident. After all, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are both family members, but also have a kind of subtle competition. Just as Mr. Zeng Qifeng described, both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have completely owned the same man, just in different orders of time. Therefore, a single act of kindness can build a part of love, but it cannot bridge the competition.

Competition involves struggle and aggression. If you sense your mother-in-law's admiration for her son in her words, while ignoring your efforts, you can also take advantage of the situation. For example, you can say, "Yes, if you can do well in math, you can definitely handle the housework. I'll remember what my mother said, and he won't do it in the future. I'll tell him that you said he can do it, and he can learn it well." Then you can arrange for your husband to do the housework while pretending to pass on the order: "Mom said you can learn anything, so you'll definitely be fine.

"

The family is the dwelling of humanity and the product of the mind. It must have love and it must also have aggression because humanity contains both. A family of love will be sweet and overbearing, while a family of aggression will be sad and painful. Fighting and flirting are just words for love and aggression, lively and full of tension.

You need to be affectionate as well as playful with your husband or your mother-in-law.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it seems that after you became pregnant and had to stay in bed, you discovered the way your family gets along. Your husband has a natural rapport with your mother-in-law, while you feel somewhat uncomfortable. You mentioned that your husband is methodical and your mother-in-law doesn't respond enthusiastically, which makes you feel unappreciated. I can understand how you feel.

As you mentioned, your mother-in-law raised her son on her own, and the relationship between them has become a model that suits them. In contrast, you grew up in a different environment and your current model is different, so of course changing the model of your relationship will cause you discomfort.

It is important to consider the other person's perspective. You may feel more comfortable at your parents' house, while your husband may find it challenging to adapt. It is therefore understandable that you might feel a certain level of discomfort.

In terms of how to deal with your mother-in-law, she can listen to you attentively when you speak, and then go play with her phone when you're done. This may seem cold, and she may not be a good communicator, but she will respect your conversation.

If your mother-in-law is seen to be playing with her phone while you are talking to her, this may be perceived as a lack of interest or attention.

My recommendation is as follows:

First, acknowledge the current reality. It is important to recognize that there may be differences in communication styles and comfort levels between you and your mother-in-law.

In any relationship, there will be occasions when one party's preferences and the other's do not align. In such cases, it is important to respect each other's needs and find a solution that works for both parties.

It is not necessary to attempt to please them. Furthermore, attempting to please them may result in fatigue and a lack of comfort on their part.

Secondly, the period of bed rest following pregnancy will encourage you to focus on your own wellbeing and that of those around you. During this time, it is advisable to engage in activities that will help to reduce this heightened sensitivity. These could include meditation, listening to music or participating in some gentle exercise.

Third, for your husband. You may have encountered similar problems when you were with him, except that perhaps because of love, this is also the strength of the other party in your heart. Programmatic people may find this approach uninteresting, but this may be a logical thinking caused by mathematics.

Once you have identified the issue, you may wish to consider providing your husband with guidance on how to proceed. Rather than expressing frustration, you could offer him step-by-step instructions. It is possible that he will be able to meet your expectations, but this will depend on how you can leverage his strengths.

As you mentioned, when your husband learned to make dumplings, your mother-in-law also encouraged him to do so. This is already better than many men, because at least he tried to do it. Your guidance is very important.

Fourth, gifts for your mother-in-law: What is required is a certain goodwill and concern that you wish to express, and your husband is the appropriate person to express it on your behalf. This can then be discussed with your husband.

However, you can express your needs yourself. You can inform your mother-in-law that you have purchased a gift for her, and she may express a preference for something else. Nevertheless, when you present her with the gift, she will likely be pleased. It's just that she also empathizes with your situation, so she may have a different opinion than you do.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Hello!

Hello, I'm Kelly Shui.

It's so lovely that you're recently pregnant! It seems like you have a great relationship with your mother-in-law, like a mother and son who appreciate each other, and you're also an unseen daughter-in-law.

After reading your text, I can see that you've handled many aspects very well. It's great that you're taking the initiative to buy gifts for your mother-in-law and asking your husband to help out with some housework. It's so lovely to see how attentive you are to your family, and it's wonderful that your husband is willing to cooperate with you.

I can see that you also feel some emotions when your husband doesn't speak up for you when you buy a gift for your mother-in-law. It's totally understandable that you want to be seen and recognized by your mother-in-law.

Let's dive in and analyze it together!

[About the family life cycle]

I can imagine that, with everything that's going on, you must feel pretty helpless and vulnerable right now. It's a lot to deal with, having been married for over a year and recently becoming pregnant, and then having to stay in bed to protect the fetus. I'm sending you lots of love and support!

At the same time, when you calm down, you'll probably see that the way your husband and mother-in-law communicate makes you a little uncomfortable.

I can imagine it must feel a little uncomfortable for you, as they're spending more time with your mother-in-law while you're unable to join in.

It's so important to remember that during pregnancy, our bodies go through lots of hormonal changes. It's a wonderful time for our families to come together and find a way to welcome this new life.

How can we make ourselves feel better?

Maybe we can invite him to learn how to be a father together, and at the same time, we can learn how to be mothers! We can have more conversations with the baby in the womb.

It's so important to take care of yourself and your little one-to-be! It's only natural that we'll be affected if all we can see is our mother-in-law and husband.

It's so important to take care of yourself and experience your emotions during this time of change in the family.

After all, you are the master of this family. If the mother-in-law is part of the family, she may be more of a help to you. You can even ask her for some parenting advice!

As we welcome a new addition to our family, our family life cycle will naturally evolve. It's important to remember that there will be challenges at different stages, but we can take comfort in the knowledge that we're in this together. Let's focus on nurturing ourselves and our growing baby first, and everything else will fall into place.

It's so important to accept the things you cannot change.

We were totally aware before we got married that my husband is a math whiz but doesn't really understand human nature. But you know what? That could be a good thing! Maybe it'll even help him to be a better dad. I mean, in the future, when we have kids, this part of his brain could be used for helping the kids with their studies.

For example, do you think science students are more rational?

We can be honest with our husbands and let them know that they can really help at this stage. It's also a great idea to explore their strengths more.

If we encourage and affirm him more, just like when your husband rolled the dumpling skins for the first time during the Spring Festival and you told your mother-in-law how well he did, this is really a great way to handle the situation!

Your husband will also feel your appreciation for him and be more willing to help out with household chores.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and two people together can take care of and grow with each other.

I have a feeling you must be an amazing person! You do so much in your daily life, so this is a great chance to relax and enjoy being taken care of.

And remember, getting along with your spouse is also a lesson. So, let your husband take advantage of his strengths over time.

[About mother-in-law and daughter-in-law]

We saw the sweet mother-in-law say:

Oh, she also wants to be seen as someone who has always taken good care of her son!

I think she also wants to be seen as someone who has always taken good care of her son.

Why not give her a big, warm hug and tell her how proud you are of her for raising such an outstanding son?

For example, you could agree with her that learning is not a problem and that together you can "influence" your husband. This way, you'll have someone with good overall qualities and learning ability in the family!

This will also help your husband reach his full potential!

It's so important to remember that the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is always different from that between a mother and daughter. Every time she comes to your home, if you take the initiative to find topics to chat with her, it shows that you have respected your host and also allowed your mother-in-law to feel your cultivation and care.

It's also a good idea to keep some boundaries in place between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The boy she raised is right there with you, and I bet she's a little jealous of you, too!

As a son and husband in a family, this boy also needs time to learn how to handle such relationships.

If you don't feel up to it, you can always take a little break and give them some space. It's so nice to just enjoy their care!

It's totally normal for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be a little rocky. We just need to maintain boundaries and cherish our husbands. After all, he will spend a long time with you for the rest of his life, and he will naturally feel the new world and lifestyle of your family and his.

I truly believe you know your husband and yourself better than anyone. It's totally normal to feel a little more sensitive at this stage. Hormones can really do a number on us! If you're feeling down, it's okay to reach out for help. There are so many amazing resources out there, like listening teachers or counselors.

I'd love to suggest a few books that I think you'll really enjoy! They're called "The Art of Love," "Growing in Relationships," and "Self-Care."

Hello, dear question asker!

It's totally normal to feel a bit uncomfortable in your interactions with your mother-in-law and in your daily interactions with your husband, given the differences in your communication styles.

Your communication style is different from your mother-in-law's. You take the initiative to speak, and she can actually respond to you, which is great! She also responded to you in a more positive way when you mentioned the dumpling skins, which was a lovely moment. However, she doesn't like to initiate conversations with you, which is totally understandable. Apart from talking to her son, she prefers to play with her phone, which is a great way to relax.

I totally get it. From her perspective, she's also worried about saying the wrong thing. As you mentioned, she's learning so much and is under a lot of pressure. If she doesn't respond well, it'll make you feel frustrated.

So just don't say anything, sweetie. If she knew it was a gift from you, she might not have directly expressed her dislike.

But because your son didn't say that you gave it to him, she just blurted out her thoughts, because in her heart she doesn't feel the need to maintain a polite mental distance with her son.

But your husband has to be told every step of the way, like entering a program, and he sounds like a robot when he listens to you. This makes your interactions with him feel tiring. Just like the robots nowadays, they can't really understand what someone is thinking.

It's only been a year since you got married, and before you got pregnant, you did most of the housework yourself. Now your husband is doing it, and he'll get the hang of it in no time!

I think it's important to remember that your husband and mother-in-law are also trying their best to meet your demands.

I can see how you're feeling because it can be hard when people don't meet our expectations, especially when we're trying our best to get things done.

It really depends on what you think is best.

It's great that your husband helps with the housework and that your mother-in-law stays out of your little family and encourages your son to take on household chores.

I know it can be really frustrating when your mother-in-law is always asking you about everything and you're pregnant and trying to take care of yourself. It's natural to feel annoyed in that situation. And if your husband comes home and doesn't help with anything, it can feel like you're the only one trying to do everything. I'm sure you can relate!

It's so important for the husband to be a mediator in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Your husband might not be aware of it, but I'm sure he'll be grateful when he finds out! For example, you mentioned the gift-giving incident. You and your husband haven't talked about it since, but I'm sure he'll be pleased when he hears how hard you've been trying.

I really hope that my efforts are being noticed!

I really hope he realizes this, because I think he'll try to praise you in front of your mother-in-law next time.

It's so great that you take the initiative to praise your husband and communicate with your mother-in-law! You're really trying hard to run your own little family, and it's paying off.

I truly believe that with time, everything will fall into place.

Take a moment to appreciate the good things about your husband and mother-in-law. It'll make things a lot easier for you!

Oh, thank you so much!

I understand your situation and feelings. I know that mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationships are complicated, but you can handle it. Here are some suggestions and views that I think will help.

Communication is essential in family relationships. Your mother-in-law may not be keen on communicating, but you can take the initiative to communicate with her. Try to understand her thoughts and feelings and express your own thoughts and feelings as well.

When communicating, pay attention to your tone and approach. Avoid emotional and offensive language. Remain calm and rational.

You also need to have a good talk with your husband. Tell him how you feel and what you are confused about. He needs to understand your thoughts and needs.

He must be responsive to your emotions and feelings and look for solutions to problems.

You must also pay attention to your physical and mental health. Pregnancy is a very special period that requires more attention and care.

You must maintain a good lifestyle and attitude, with appropriate exercise, a reasonable diet, and plenty of rest. If you feel depressed or anxious, seek professional psychological counseling or support.

Finally, you must find your own support system. This can be a group of friends, family members, or a professional counselor.

They will provide you with the emotional support and advice you need to cope with the confusion and anxiety that come with pregnancy.

In short, you must be patient, understanding, and communicate effectively with your mother-in-law. Stay calm, communicate well with your mother-in-law and husband, find your own support system, and pay attention to your physical and mental health. These steps will help you deal with this issue better.

I am confident that my suggestions will be helpful.