Senior year, my girlfriend and I are from different provinces and have different cultural backgrounds. What should we do?

Hello, I'm Yu Hengbo, a psychological counselor. You and your girlfriend are madly in love! However, your families are far apart and there are cultural differences, which means your parents have different expectations of you. You're caught between balancing your love and your relationship with your parents, which is totally normal! Since your girlfriend may have to go back and meet her parents again, you want to go with her to make your attitude clear to her parents and seek their approval.

So, you're looking to get some professional help!

Satir psychology has an amazing insight: the way we get along with our parents in childhood will definitely be repeated in adult life. This means that the way you get along with your loved one in the future is actually a repetition of your relationship with your parents.

The influence of the original family continues in the new family of adulthood because the values, outlook on life, and views on love of the parents are subconsciously ingrained in a person's mind during their growth, etched into the heart, and finally become part of their genes. If the two of you decide to go forward together, it is inevitable that you will need to adjust and coordinate some living habits and values. But don't worry! As long as the emotional foundation is good and you are willing to compromise and cherish each other, you will definitely be able to live a very fulfilling life.

So, how do you assess the level of your relationship? The Love Triangle Theory provides three elements for you to consider. All love experiences are composed of the three elements of passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion refers to an emotional fascination, and personal appearance and inner charm are important factors that influence passion.

Intimacy is the amazing feeling of two people liking each other on a deep, psychological level. It includes appreciation, care, self-expression, and inner communication. Commitment is the wonderful expectation of love within the individual, either internally or verbally. It's the most rational component of love!

Intimacy is "warm," passion is "fervent," and commitment is "calm." You two are quite affectionate, and it's clear that you're on the path to a happy future together! You're in the romantic love stage, and the step of making a commitment to each other is just around the corner.

You can also evaluate and adjust your relationship by measuring it against six dimensions: level of understanding, level of care, interdependence, mutual consistency, level of trust, and level of loyalty. This is a great way to understand the depth of your feelings for each other! And remember, mutual understanding and the ability to change for the better are fundamental solutions to narrowing differences.

As you can see, you attach great importance to relationships and commitment, so you're really looking forward to discussing this properly with your family when you go home with her. Before asking for their consent, you can assess your ability to love. With this ability, you'll be happy no matter who you live with, and it'll be easier to convince her and your family. We generally say that there are the following five abilities.

1. Emotional management – Everyone has the amazing ability to manage their emotions in order to be able to love others! When we can manage our emotions, we can avoid causing pain to those we love, seize opportunities to love, and spread joy to others.

2. Expressing feelings – this is all about sharing your needs, wishes, and feelings in a way that builds and strengthens the relationship. We all make mistakes when expressing and communicating, but there are two main ways we can go wrong. The first is to keep our emotions and needs to ourselves, which can lead to frustration and resentment. The second is to express and communicate in a way that is full of accusations and complaints, which can damage the relationship.

You can avoid hurting yourself by learning to tolerate hurts, and you can avoid hurting the other person by learning to avoid blaming and complaining.

3. Empathy – understanding and supporting the other person, being empathetic. This is a skill that almost everyone wants their loved one to have! Unfortunately, many people don't have it. Many people are used to reasoning with each other and educating each other, without realizing that what the other person needs is actually empathy.

4. Permission – respect differences and allow growth. Lovers argue and disagree because they don't allow each other to be different from them, to have some flaws, to control or change the other person. But, this is what makes relationships exciting!

5. Influence – If you are a good person, your partner will become a better person too! Everyone changes, and people in a romantic relationship change even more because of their lover. It can be said that a person who finds a different lover will become a different person. People may change for the better or for the worse, but you can influence your partner to become better and better!

You can do it! Based on the five abilities mentioned above, you can become a better person. As you become better, you will have a greater influence on her and her family. Try to understand your parents' position and thoughts as much as possible, respect their differences, express your wishes and needs in a way that does not hurt the relationship, and make solemn commitments. When you can present yourself as mature and reliable to your parents, they should stand by her side and like and support you.

If her family really is uncompromising, then as long as you have the ability to love, there may be not just one person in the future who likes you, but a group of people, and you will be happy with whoever you are with. Also, learn to separate your own issues from those of your parents. The most important thing is that you are happy! Happiness is a matter for the two of you, and the decision is in your own hands. Parents interfere in marriages only because they hope you can be happy. If you can prove that you can be happy, there is no reason for your parents to object, right?

You can do it! Be confident, focus on developing your own abilities, and you will become more and more capable of managing relationships and persuasive in your influence.

Hello! I'm glad you've asked for help. I'm here to support you and help you find a solution.

You already know the answer to your problems. You just need to be ready to take responsibility for your choices and decisions. You need to have the courage and confidence to overcome the potential difficulties in getting along with your girlfriend, such as the big difference in your living habits due to your different geographical locations.

Cultural differences are an immutable fact. If you choose to be together, you must accept each other's cultural customs. Don't use this as an obstacle to your relationship. Love can overcome any difficulty. If you love each other sincerely, you will face these difficulties together.

From your description, it's clear you're feeling insecure. You're worried that if you go to your girlfriend's house, her parents won't treat you well or accept you. This is because of a misunderstanding from before, which has made them form a bad impression of you. You don't want to leave a bad impression, do you?

You can discuss this problem with your girlfriend openly. Be yourself sincerely in front of her parents. You apologized to them for not keeping your promise last time, so your love for your girlfriend does not lie in how you present yourself to them. Love is like a cough that cannot be hidden, so they must be able to feel your love for their daughter. As parents, they may pay more attention to your actions. Don't have too much ideological burden and pressure. Be true to yourself. As long as you are truly in love, that's enough.

I am Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.