Should I be honest with my boyfriend about my brother's depression?

The couple is discussing marriage, which means they'll have to think about more things. It's normal to feel unsure.

The questioner should think about two things: whether to tell her boyfriend about her brother's depression and when to tell him.

My younger brother is an important family member to the questioner. It's important to value family opinions.

The questioner should ask his younger brother what he thinks. Does he want his situation to be understood by the man who may become his brother-in-law? A boy also has his pride, and he may want to show his excellence and strength, especially in front of "outsiders."

If you and your boyfriend were in each other's shoes and your partner's family was the same, would you want to know? When would you want to know?

It's not good to judge others by your standards. Try to see things from the other person's point of view.

The questioner is worried that the other person will break up with him after learning about his younger brother. This shows that the questioner values this relationship. However, a breakup is usually less damaging than a divorce.

Marriage involves emotions, values, and opinions from both parties and their families. It's about finding a balance between harmony and difference. If you can't agree on important matters before marriage, disagreements will continue after marriage. This is why you should discuss important issues before marriage.

I hope the original poster can talk with her boyfriend about her thoughts and opinions about important people and matters in her life. I also hope you can communicate sincerely and achieve harmony despite your differences. Then you can have a happy and intimate relationship based on equality, sincerity, and mutual trust and support.

Hello. I can sense your anxiety and confusion from your description. You and your boyfriend are entering the family-especially-afraid-of-marriage-dare-not-face-the-other-half-8085.html" target="_blank">marriage agenda, and your younger brother is depressed, and your boyfriend doesn't know.

You're torn because you're afraid to tell your boyfriend because you're afraid he'll dislike you. You need to decide whether to tell him.

Here are my opinions on this issue:

First, let me address your brother and your current family. I can sense your underlying concern about your brother's depression, and I know you think you will need to help him in the future. You're naturally burdening yourself with a responsibility, but you can't do it alone.

You are still very much integrated into the family because you have bound yourself and your brother to it. Marriage means starting a new family, so you need to become more independent, both in thought and in action.

Depression is very common in society nowadays, and there are comprehensive and systematic treatments for it.

Second, about your boyfriend. You're worried he'll break up with you after he finds out.

I don't know what this fear is based on. If it's based on your past understanding of him, then your brother is also a touchstone. If it's based on your own imagined fears, you need to find out where this fear comes from.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether you tell others or not. What matters is how you handle the fact that your brother is depressed. It's not about what others know. It's about how you view your brother's depression in your heart.

You must accept this fact and face it with an open mind.

You need to confront your fears and worries and accept reality if you want to grow.

There are two types of growth methods: self-growth, keeping a mindfulness journal, and finding a counselor to explore yourself together.

I am confident that my reply will be helpful to you.

Hello, question asker!

You've reached the point of discussing marriage, but you haven't yet told him about his brother's depression. A few short lines, but they express your concerns.

Do you have any doubts about him? Or about yourself?

First, what is love? It's an emotion that comes from the heart. It's about support and acceptance, and it also means accepting the existence of two family members.

True love is thoughtful and understanding, and it's open to making corrections when needed. Your brother is part of your family, so why is he feeling depressed?

The reason behind this might be the key. If your boyfriend accepts you, he'll have to accept your family too.

Even if you don't tell him today, he may find out tomorrow or the day after. It's better for him to find out from you than from someone else. What do you think?

Well, at least you didn't deceive him!

Secondly, there shouldn't be any topics left to discuss before marriage. If there are unresolved issues before marriage, don't expect to solve them after marriage.

Now that you're getting married, it's time to have some more open conversations! Things like how you'll split up your property and where you'll live as a couple should be on the table.

Which city will you be based in going forward? These are all things that need to be discussed.

If love is about exchanging feelings, then marriage is about exchanging values. Love isn't about finding a perfect person.

Instead, learn to appreciate someone who isn't perfect with a perfect eye. Love isn't tired, and that's the best state of love.

Ultimately, the best state of love is effortless. Humbling devotion isn't a way to earn love. Someone who loves you won't need to deliberately please you, and someone who doesn't love you doesn't deserve your hard efforts.

Does that make sense to you?