Should I still give a gift after my mother specifically called to say she doesn't want one?

I believe the present is good! I am grateful to have met you.

From what you've shared, I can sense a sense of loss and a feeling that your mother might not fully understand you. Is that an accurate interpretation?

Let's talk about this together, with kindness and respect.

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to check in with your mother to see what she really thinks.

You are very thoughtful and considerate, and you give your mother a present every year on Mother's Day to show her love and gratitude. This is a wonderful way to show your appreciation!

This year, your mother also expected that you would prepare a gift for her, so she "made a special phone call in advance to say that she didn't want a gift, and that she would let you know when she was ready." Could I inquire as to what considerations your mother had in mind when she specifically asked you not to prepare a gift?

Could it be that she is concerned about the cost of your previous gifts and the financial pressure they may have placed on you? Or is she simply hoping you will use your time more wisely when selecting a gift? It's also possible that she has other expectations of you.

It would be helpful to check what your mother really thinks. Otherwise, if you want to give a gift but feel that you shouldn't, you may find yourself feeling a bit conflicted.

Perhaps it would be helpful to speak up and check in with your mother to understand her expectations.

2. It would be helpful to express your emotions consistently.

If you feel offended by your mother's unexpected words and actions and feel blocked and at a loss for words, it may be because you feel your mother doesn't understand your heart, and even as if the fact that you happily gave her a gift has become a "nuisance." You can express these feelings consistently, so that your mother knows your heart and your true thoughts.

This approach could help to overcome any potential barriers and strengthen the parent-child relationship.

When checking with your mother, you might consider first mentioning the matter, then expressing your emotional feelings. This could help your mother understand the intentions and thoughts behind your actions, regardless of whether or not a gift is given later. Alternatively, after communicating with each other, you and your mother may be able to find a solution that works for both of you.

3. Seeing yourself

Could I ask you to consider why you feel offended? I think it would be really helpful for us to look at the psychological needs behind this emotion.

I believe you want to make your mother happy. Is it not your wish that she recognize and appreciate you, and respect your choices and decisions?

Perhaps you would prefer to be affirmed for your efforts and dedication, and to receive the feedback you desire. Or, it is possible that you would rather not feel rejected, and would prefer your expectations to be understood.

We can gain insight into the thoughts and psychological needs behind these emotions, recognize ourselves, and appreciate ourselves. Even if the mother cannot give you the feedback you want, you can still give it to yourself.

As a mother, your reaction may vary depending on whether your child gives you a gift on Mother's Day. If your child is still young and does not have independent financial resources, a handmade flower made by your child could be a thoughtful gesture.

If your child is independent and still struggling to support their parents and children, a phone call from your child to say hello might be a nice way to show your mother some love. If your child is financially independent through their work, your mother might appreciate a gift of your child's company.

Your mother also said, "Let's talk when you're more mature." It's possible that she has other expectations and thoughts about you, or perhaps she hopes that you will find a suitable partner and a stable job. Of course, this is just my guess, and I can sense that my mother is thinking about you.

It seems that what she is doing is a way of showing you that she loves you, even if it's not what you expected. Perhaps it would be helpful to check it out, express it, and communicate effectively, which might help your mother understand you better.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Hello!

Hi, I'm Kelly Water!

"My mom asked me not to get her a gift over the phone. Do you think I should still get her a gift?"

I can see from the question you posted that you must be someone who really cares about rituals.

It's so lovely that the custom of giving gifts has been maintained on this special day of Mother's Day!

[About love]

We can also guess that in the past, gifts were given every year on Mother's Day. I'm sure she was really touched by all those lovely gifts!

I'm sure she'd love a gift, but did she really need it in her daily life? As a mother, she'll be thinking about her children at this time.

For example,

My sweet daughter worked part-time during the summer vacation for a year and bought me the most amazing box of durian pastries with her salary that year. They cost more than 500 yuan!

I must say, I do enjoy the taste of these snacks, but I can't help but feel a little sad when I think about how much they cost. It's like my daughter is paying one-sixth of her salary for them!

Later, I had a chat with my daughter about how she felt. I told her that if she wanted to give me a gift, she could draw a picture for me, make a greeting card, write a letter, cook a meal, go for a walk with me, or anything else she thought of.

Later on, we decided that I didn't need to get her a present on my birthday or Mother's Day.

I have a feeling that this year, when your mom asked not to receive gifts over the phone, she was also feeling a bit sorry for you, don't you think?

When we think from our mother's perspective, we may also feel the way you and your mother love each other. It's so important to remember that the gift you give must also express your love for your mother.

I'm so sorry if you felt rejected when your mom said she wouldn't get you a gift. We can always think of other ways to show our moms that we care, not just with gifts.

[About feelings]

I have a feeling you're a very perceptive person, and I think you can probably guess why your mother said that.

"Just wait until you know more about the world before you say anything, and you'll see how it makes me feel."

I just wanted to check in and see if you feel like your feelings haven't been seen?

Or maybe you're having trouble fully expressing your love for your mom?

At this time, it would be really helpful for you to spend more time with your own feelings and try to see this "offense" in a different light.

I'm sure you're not offended that we want to do something and you're saying no.

Do you still feel like the way you give the gift is the only way your mom should accept it?

If we take the time to understand our own feelings, we can also understand our mothers' feelings too!

Maybe the best feeling we can get from giving a gift is the feeling of sharing our love with others.

I really think you should try this method to express your feelings for your mother on this special day.

As we all know, thoughts change at different stages. The main thing is that we understand our mother's needs, communicate more, let our mother know you, and you listen more. In this way, your feelings and your mother's feelings are seen by each other, and you will not be entangled: should you give it or not?

A gift is just a carrier of love. You know your mother better than anyone, and it's so wonderful that she's willing to express her feelings to you. She's very honest with you, and you have a great relationship.

Who else in the family knows your mother better than you do? You could even invite them to guess what she's thinking!

Sincerity is such a wonderful gift!

I'd highly, highly recommend these books: "The Family that Achieves Together Stays Together" and "Motherhood and the Meaning of Life."

Good day. I extend to you a warm embrace from a distance.

I am pleased to see that you have sought assistance, and I hope that my input can provide some support and guidance. From your description, I can understand how frustrating and disappointing it is when your mother suddenly calls and states that she does not want a gift, and how you feel rejected and helpless.

It is worth noting that the majority of Chinese mothers are unlikely to proactively accept gifts from their children, particularly when the children are not in a position to offer them. However, this does not imply that they are ungrateful for gifts from their children. In fact, they are especially receptive to gifts that have been thoughtfully prepared for them.

It is therefore important to recognise that a mother's active refusal of a gift is not necessarily a rejection of your love, but may be motivated by love, understanding and consideration for you. This understanding may facilitate a more accepting and understanding response to your mother's refusal to accept your gift.

In other words, if your mother declines your gifts, it does not affect your ability to give her gifts. You can still prepare gifts for her according to your own preferences and ideas, gifts that you believe will delight her.

Should your mother decline your gifts, you may wish to consider communicating your feelings and needs to her directly. However, it is important to avoid judging her actions. Instead, aim to ensure she feels understood, accepted, and respected. Ultimately, the decision to give your mother a gift is yours alone. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is also important to recognise the various ways in which children can demonstrate their affection for their parents. These include communicating with them in a respectful manner, maintaining regular contact via phone or video when not at home, sharing achievements and positive experiences, providing them with quality time and listening to them when at home. These actions demonstrate love and appreciation for one's parents.

My name is Lily, and I am the Q&A Pavilion representative. On behalf of myself and the entire company, I would like to extend my gratitude to you and your loved ones for your continued support.