Good day,
My name is Jiang 61.
Firstly, I would like to thank you for entrusting us with your concerns. You have posed the question as to why someone who loves you very much is unable to gain access to your heart. I am here to assist you in analysing the situation and provide guidance.
It appears you are sincerely seeking an answer. Before proceeding, I will ask you a few questions.
1. Question
1. The individual you have a romantic interest in
I would like to gain a better understanding of your situation. Do you have a specific set of criteria for your ideal partner? Have you encountered someone who meets these criteria?
Please describe the individual in question. What are the reasons for his inability to gain access to your heart?
Is it that he does not meet your standards? Or are you simply refusing to allow him access to your heart?
2. Clues
You have indicated that the individual in question has a strong affinity for you, and you reciprocate his feelings. However, after a year of his company, he has not yet gained access to your innermost being. You have also stated that you are not a person without feelings. You have been moved to tears on account of his strong affections, yet you still feel a sense of loneliness. You have not suffered any emotional wounds previously, but you have been experiencing depression for an extended period.
The individual in question has adopted a closed approach.
From my perspective, your words indicate that you have effectively isolated yourself from the world, creating a barrier that prevents others from accessing your inner world.
It is possible that you have previously demonstrated an ability to open up, but that you currently prefer to close the door and reject others, perhaps as a result of past hurts. This is a conscious state that you have formed without necessarily being aware of it.
It is possible that you do not recall when this state of affairs began, or you may be aware of it but not fully conscious of its effect on your relationships.
The issue of loneliness
Despite your boyfriend's positive treatment of you and the emotional release you experience in his presence, you still feel isolated. This is likely due to a lack of emotional connection and understanding between you, which can result in feelings of loneliness.
I am unclear as to the situation.
You stated that you have not been hurt by love. However, I am unclear as to why you are in a state of self-isolation.
Further speculation: This may be attributed to the living conditions in your original family or to a change in your emotional state.
3. Observe with an open mind and heart.
Please describe the circumstances that led to your long-term depression.
I note that you have been experiencing depression for an extended period. Could you please elaborate on the circumstances that led to this prolonged state of depression? Depression is characterized by an inability to express and process one's inner thoughts.
Or perhaps your thoughts are not understood, you feel isolated, and you lack a supportive network, which could be contributing factors to your depression. When did your past experiences begin to cause depression?
Emotion and loneliness
You stated that your boyfriend's understanding and affection evoke a strong emotional response in you. However, I believe that his ability to connect with you on a deeper level is hindered by your emotional and mental barriers. This lack of genuine communication may contribute to feelings of spiritual isolation and helplessness.
2. Analysis
You have stated that you are unsure of the cause of your depression and that you require guidance on how to welcome your partner. Additionally, you have inquired about the nature of your subconscious feelings, which you believe to be obstructed.
Given these circumstances, I am seeking advice on how to analyze these issues and provide suggestions for resolution. I would also appreciate guidance on whether these inquiries are relevant to this matter.
I kindly request assistance in providing a reference.
The underlying cause is your family of origin.
You are uncertain about the cause of your current situation, which is contributing to your distress. Your confusion is also a source of uncertainty for me.
It is often said that the issues one currently faces are not the result of recent developments, but rather the culmination of experiences from one's past.
For instance, when you referenced loneliness, I sensed a sense of emotional resolution, which likely stems from past experiences.
The consequence of this suppression is
You feel lonely, and I empathize with your emotional closure. I surmise that you were blamed, criticized, or disliked by your parents when you expressed your emotions. Your emotional expression was suppressed, and you did not receive the response you deserved. This made you feel unimportant, and gradually closed the door to expression, suppressing your emotions and feelings and not communicating with others.
? Defense mechanism
You have developed a strategy for protecting your emotions, which you believe will prevent you from being hurt again. This strategy involves creating a defensive barrier around your emotions, which you have built up to be impenetrable.
Similarly, your relationship with your boyfriend is affected by this dynamic. His various considerate actions are blocked by the ice, and they cannot melt your cold heart. Therefore, you will always feel lonely.
This is the repressed subconscious, as referenced by your counselor.
2. Due to your personality
From your description and my assessment, I believe you are currently a person who is reserved and tends to keep their emotions private. You are likely accustomed to maintaining a calm demeanor and may have a tendency to prioritize the satisfaction of others.
Individuals with a pleasing personality
A pleasing personality is one that prioritizes the satisfaction of others over one's own needs. This is an unhealthy state of mind. The essence of pleasing others is that others are more important than I am. I am only safe and loved if I make others feel comfortable.
As a result, you focus on the external input from others, while neglecting your own internal cues.
A calm personality is defined by the following characteristics: slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle and stable, and seeking harmony.
A calm personality is defined by the following characteristics:
Characteristics: slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle and stable, and seeking harmony.
Pros: easy-going, adaptable, thoughtful, tolerant.
The disadvantages of this personality type are that it is slow and lazy, not easily repentant, not fond of expressing opinions, and tends to be an indifferent bystander.
The reason for your reluctance to open up is a matter of character.
3. Unexpected events lead to
Despite your parents' tendency to suppress and ignore your emotional expression, you were compelled to suppress your own emotional expression in order to protect yourself, which subsequently altered your personality and caused your inner loneliness. Furthermore, another situation that can alter an individual's personality is a traumatic experience, such as encountering a catastrophic emergency, which may result in changes in temperament and the appearance of emotional isolation.
3. How to initiate contact
1. Identify the underlying cause of emotional closure.
Please recall the past.
Any change in behavior is the result of a specific reason. The questioner may wish to recall their consistent behavior as a child, as well as the time of the change in behavior, what happened at the time, and how they reacted and felt at the time.
This process allows you to uncover the true expectations held in your subconscious.
Your expectations are accurate.
From your description, it is evident that you have certain expectations, which have led to feelings of emotional isolation and loneliness. You appear to desire love, heart-to-heart communication, and emotional intimacy.
2. Acceptance
It is important to accept yourself.
Self-acceptance is a key attribute of a healthy and mature personality, as proposed by the American psychologist G. W. Allport. It is the ability to love and accept oneself and one's own characteristics. This includes recognizing the positive value of all aspects of oneself, including one's body, abilities, character, reputation, and so on, and accepting one's own reality.
The objective is to move on from past experiences.
Self-acceptance is about moving on from past experiences. It is the foundation of self-confidence and self-change.
The feelings of self-worthlessness and shame that result from an inability to accept oneself are the root cause of numerous negative experiences, including anxiety, depression, autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and personality disorders. Conversely, by accepting these feelings, one can free themselves from these problems, detach from them, and move forward with their life.
? Begin anew.
Self-acceptance demonstrates a willingness to embrace one's current circumstances and adopt a positive outlook. It entails a balance between acknowledging one's strengths and accepting one's weaknesses without feeling inferior or superior.
It is important to accept others.
Self-acceptance signifies a willingness to embrace one's current circumstances and adopt a positive outlook. It entails a balance between acknowledging one's strengths and accepting one's weaknesses without feeling inferior or superior.
This demonstrates your willingness to embark on a new venture.
It is important to accept others.
It is important to forgive those who have wronged you in the past, as well as those who are no longer a part of your life, with an open and accepting heart. By doing so, you can move on from the past and focus on the present and future.
3. Free yourself from the constraints of the past.
It is important to allow emotions to flow freely.
It is important to recognize that everyone has emotions. When these emotions are suppressed, they can lead to the accumulation of negative emotions, which can eventually result in a breakdown. It is essential to allow yourself to experience both positive and negative emotions, and to release them in a healthy manner. This process of releasing emotions can itself be cathartic, and it is an important step in healing grief.
It is important to share your emotions.
It is also beneficial to openly share with others the people or things that you care about. This can help you to feel more relaxed and open, which in turn can facilitate closer relationships with your boyfriend and others.
4. Express yourself sincerely.
It is recommended that you open your heart.
To free yourself from the need to please and seek the affection of others, open your heart, face yourself, and connect with the innate ability within yourself. This will enable you to feel the power of other people's care and love. You will discover that you will get what you expect.
You will accept it with gratitude.
Express it in a sincere manner.
It can prompt the desired emotional response by encouraging openness and sincerity in expressing expectations.
It is important to manage expectations effectively in any business situation.
An expression of expectation represents a vision or longing for an unknown moment or thing in the future.
I can see your expectation. If you are unable to express it, it will remain an expectation. Conversely, if you express it to your boyfriend or other people and they provide feedback, it will become a reality.
Sincere expression
Sincere expression is a method of communicating inner needs to others in an open and transparent manner. It necessitates congruent communication.
In order to communicate consistently, it is essential to ensure that the verbal and non-verbal information conveyed aligns with one's inner feelings. This approach ensures that all parties involved, including oneself, the other individual, and the situation, receive due attention and respect.
Individuals in this model exhibit an inner awareness in their communication, demonstrating a coherence between their expressions and words, inner harmony and balance, and a relatively high sense of self-worth.
Consistent communication is often carried out using the following sentence structure. The specific sentence structure is as follows:
Describe the objective situation in a way that is free from accusations or emotions.
Please describe the objective situation in a factual, objective manner, without any accusations or emotional input.
I would like to take this opportunity to share my feelings with you.
It is important to clearly express your feelings and emotions in the moment.
It is my hope that...
It is important to clearly express what you want the other person to do, specifically state your needs, and make it a quantifiable, executable, and visible expectation.
I am of the opinion that...
Please describe your expectations regarding the positive outcome.
When communication is consistent, the other person will receive a message that is aligned with your feelings. This will enable your boyfriend to understand your emotional needs and fulfill your wishes, allowing you to truly connect on an emotional level.
Opening up your inner world is an effective way to initiate emotional communication and facilitate your boyfriend's entry into your world.
I would like to extend my best wishes to the questioner for future happiness and joy.
Comments
I can sense how deeply you feel about this situation. It's touching that his love moves you to tears, yet it's confusing when you still experience loneliness despite having someone who cares for you so much. Maybe what you're feeling stems from a need for deeper connection, not just companionship. It might be helpful to explore what aspects of your relationship are fulfilling and which ones are lacking. Communication with him about these feelings could be a step towards understanding each other better.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what's causing your feelings, but it sounds like you're yearning for a level of intimacy that goes beyond daytoday interactions. Sometimes, even without past emotional wounds, we can carry internal barriers that prevent us from fully embracing the present. Have you considered expressing these inner struggles to him? Sharing your vulnerabilities could open up new avenues for closeness and mutual support.
Your longterm depression may be playing a significant role in how you perceive your relationship. It's possible that the symptoms of depression are making it difficult for you to feel the full extent of his affection. Engaging in therapy or counseling could provide you with tools to manage your depression and improve your ability to connect on a deeper level. Since you've already started exploring your subconscious feelings, continuing this work might help unlock more positive experiences in your relationship.
Feeling lonely in a loving relationship can be incredibly isolating. The fact that you haven't had emotional wounds in the past suggests that this might be a new challenge for you. It's important to acknowledge that it's okay to seek help and that you're not alone in this. Your previous counselor's insights into your subconscious could be key to overcoming these feelings. Building on that work, perhaps through further sessions or selfreflection, might lead to a breakthrough in how you relate to yourself and to him.