The boyfriends I find are all scumbags. Do I have "scumbag magnet" written all over me?

Good day, I have a question for you.

The experience of being cheated on by an unsavory individual and the subsequent emotional challenges have led you to question your own attractiveness to such individuals, have they not?

Without further information regarding your character traits and communication style, it is possible to undertake a preliminary analysis based on the background information and emotional experiences presented in your description. This is for reference only.

Your father's infidelity and unhappy marriage to your mother may have had a significant impact on you during your formative years.

It is challenging for you to trust in intimate relationships. You believe that a man is only worthy of love if he is like your mother, who gave much but was still betrayed by your father.

It is possible that your subconscious desire for paternal love and yearning for affection, combined with sexual attraction, enabled you to find fulfillment and compensation through early romantic relationships. However, the betrayal by your first boyfriend caused significant emotional distress and reinforced your perception of men as unreliable.

As a result of this experience, you have become cautious and reserved in your approach to romantic relationships, preferring to avoid them altogether.

The return of your first boyfriend seems to provide a sense of revenge, but your long-standing skepticism of men leads you to engage in emotionally manipulative behavior.

Subsequently, you engage in a relationship with an unsavory individual, potentially in the role of a rescuer.

Subconsciously, you project all the negative characteristics onto your husband and wife. You attempt to save your father by dating them, but you lack the confidence to form intimate relationships. You cannot get close to them, so it is unsurprising that they leave you.

What is the best way to break the pattern?

First, it is essential to gain an understanding of your attachment pattern. This will enable you to identify the most effective approach for initiating a separation in an intimate relationship.

Secondly, it is essential to address the trauma caused by your parents' marriage during your formative years. This traumatic event may result in repetitive behaviours that hinder your ability to form healthy relationships.

It is also important to understand your perceptions and personality traits. While love incompetence may explain why you are unable to find an ideal partner at the present time, there is another explanation.

If you are fearful of marriage and intimacy, it will be challenging to maintain a stable relationship with a suitable partner.

Please note that the above analysis is for reference only.

This is counselor Yao, continuing to support and care for you.

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

Don't label yourself! We are not "love-impaired." When we learn and grow, and when we firmly believe that we can meet a good man, then you will really have a completely different experience. In fact, sometimes it is many of our subconscious limiting beliefs that affect us, but we are not aware of it, and we are still influenced by it, repeating the cycle over and over again, entering an undesirable cycle and repeating it again and again. But you can change all of that!

If you want to change this, you've got to start with self-awareness! Become aware of what limiting beliefs you have and what your upbringing has made you believe. Then, reflect, step back, and look at yourself objectively. Ask yourself: are these beliefs true?

You can ask yourself what you want to change! For example, I'm excited to work on my fear that my boyfriend will cheat on me.

Keep asking yourself: What limiting beliefs might a person have that would lead to this situation? For example, guys are unreliable, I can't manage a relationship well, I can't experience true love...

How can you prove that this limiting belief is true? For example, you have many examples of this: you saw your father cheat on your mother in their marriage, and you have experienced this yourself many times.

Now, let's think about what other limiting beliefs you might have that could have led to this situation. For example, perhaps you have the belief that guys don't want to be responsible for you.

Then, keep asking yourself how you can prove that this belief is true. For example, you may think that the boys who have been with you in the past have all cheated on you halfway through because they didn't want to take responsibility for you. But what if that's not true? What if they did want to take responsibility, but you let them down?

And there's more! You can also ask yourself what other beliefs I may have that have led to this situation. For example, I might believe that men are all irresponsible.

And then, all of a sudden, you might just realize that it's precisely because you've always believed that men are irresponsible that you've been focusing on the irresponsible aspects of men. And that everything in reality has once again and again confirmed your beliefs, making them more and more solid!

But are these beliefs true?

Our beliefs are shaped by life experiences, like my father's infidelity, and by negative emotions, like being cheated on in my first relationship. Our beliefs have two parts: one is our desire, and the other is our rejection. It's fascinating to see how your beliefs contain a strong rejection of scumbags and cheating. But here's the catch: because you care too much, you are deeply attracted to them instead!

So, we will experience what we believe! Unless you believe you will not experience, then you will not experience. But even so, you have still experienced what you believe, right?

The truly harmful beliefs are those that are hidden in the subconscious and are operating but you are not aware of. But don't worry! We can transform from a victim to an explorer, establish a connection with our inner self, practice connecting these beliefs with our own experiences, and find our own recurring patterns.

And then, when you see your own limiting beliefs, you can adjust them and turn them into positive beliefs! For example, you can say to yourself, "I will meet a good man who loves me and is faithful to me. I will live a happy life. I am capable of managing my own intimate relationships."

Happy!

I know I'm "love-incapable" and this bothers me. I want to be loved and to love.

The original poster is good. You don't absorb bad guys and you know how to leave them.

You're attracted to handsome guys, but it's their loss if they leave you.

The original poster needs to open up, be genuine, and trust.

Dad is strong and paranoid, mom is weak and docile. Dad cheated on mom, but she forgave him.

You've been taught that it's wrong for a father to cheat and that mothers are weak.

You think guys will cheat on you. When it happens with your first love, it makes you think that.

"I don't trust men, so I'll find someone good-looking."

Life has a script. The original family looks for the appearance of the father or mother.

How do you change this life script? You need to change the owner's subconscious mind.

Make these thoughts more real and you'll know how to deal with them.

The original poster has no "slime-sucking qualities" and may push your boyfriend away when you get along with your exes.

No one wants to be unfaithful casually. Talk to friends of the opposite sex if you have any.

Cheating is tiring and expensive for normal guys.

A guy who is always unfaithful has probably been hurt by his family, especially by his mother.

You only meet cheaters because you have this idea and you project it onto everyone.

In a relationship, you may show a lack of concern for your partner and push them away.

You realize that all men are unfaithful.

To break free from being trapped in love, change your perception: I am not like my mother.

The original poster is a good person with a successful career and studies, and nice boyfriends. You deserve a good love and a long marriage.

Believe you are worthy and can live a happy life.

Changing perceptions takes time. The host can do two things every day:

1. Look for beauty.

If you are surrounded by beautiful love, you can record their stories.

Take photos of beautiful scenery and good things you see every day.

2. Keep a journal of abundance.

Start with "I have" and give yourself a sentence every day.

I have a healthy body, a beautiful mind, and a wise mind. I can easily complete work challenges.

I have a lot of knowledge and I think for myself.

These two things will change how you see the world and yourself. They will change your focus and subconscious.

When you do this, you will discover the beauty in life and yourself. We say to love yourself, but it is about discovering your beauty and believing you deserve it.

Meanwhile, wait for the flowers to bloom. When you're ready and meet a good love, tell yourself:

I will get along with this guy and have a good relationship.

The world you see is not objective. It's a projection of your perception. Every guy you meet is an external projection of your ideal partner. When you change your perception, you'll see a different world.

Believe you can find love.

Best love to you!

Hello.

You have experienced a lot of emotional setbacks in your relationships. You have doubted yourself and wondered if you deserve true love.

Your parents' relationship probably affected you emotionally. Your father was unfaithful and dominant, while your mother was weak and submissive.

How did your parents get along when you were a child? Did Dad lose his temper with Mum, and did Mum stay calm when Dad was unfaithful?

Did they argue a lot? Was Mom the one who took it?

Did your mom complain to you and badmouth your dad? How did you feel as a child?

These experiences are still stored in your body and heart.

I hope this doesn't make you sad. I want to say that your parents' relationship may have made you distrust and dislike intimate relationships.

Men are seen as unreliable, while women are thought to be powerless and need to please men. When you enter an intimate relationship, you lack confidence and a template for getting along with your partner as an equal. What's more, you still feel fear, loneliness, and anger at your parents' discord.

You also wanted your parents to love each other and give you a happy childhood.

Do you agree? If so, when you become an adult and face an intimate relationship,

First, you lack confidence because your parents didn't show you a good example of a happy, loving relationship. You also carry the fear and anger you felt as a child about relationships.

Intimacy seems to represent insecurity, inequality between men and women, and women being bullied and betrayed. Is it true that when you enter an intimate relationship, you are often too scared to enjoy it and be yourself?

You can't relax and connect with your partner.

Think back to your relationship with your boyfriend. How did you get along? Did you put yourself in a difficult position?

Do you express your needs and enjoy your time together?

Are you still often tense, anxious, and worried that your partner will leave you or cheat on you? Does it make you nervous and angry when your partner doesn't respond to you in time?

Looking at how you act and feel in relationships will help you understand why a relationship didn't last and what to do to make it work.

You're brave too. You didn't avoid intimacy because your parents didn't get along. You tried it and experienced it.

Even though things haven't gone well, I think these experiences are valuable. This isn't just talk. These experiences can help you with your intimate relationship.

If you want to get along with your boyfriend, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to admit that you have inner conflicts that prevent you from truly getting along with him. This makes it hard for you to experience the nourishment of the relationship and make it truly intimate. It also makes it hard for you to judge your boyfriend in the relationship.

In the next relationship, if you want to get along well, express yourself, respect your feelings, and respect your partner. If you love someone, express yourself, and see your partner clearly, you'll have a better experience.

Love is always in your heart.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

I extend my sincerest regards to you in this moment.

I would like to reassure you that this is not your fault. Please do not doubt yourself. You are not "love-impaired." You just haven't discovered your own goodness yet.

Each individual possesses distinctive value and a unique mission in this world.

It is our fundamental human need to be loved and to love others. We must believe that we are loved.

Only then will you feel fulfilled and find meaning in life from the love that comes from the heart.

As you have grown up, you have experienced hurt and inflicted hurt on others in your search for love.

Such a cycle ultimately leads to further personal distress.

Going forward, it is imperative to move on from the past and embrace a fresh start.

Going forward, I advise you to adopt a more positive outlook and focus on fostering love and positivity within your family and personal relationships.

From this point forward, focus on developing a sense of self-assurance. This will naturally lead to encounters with individuals who will support and encourage you, as positive relationships are attracted rather than actively sought.

An individual's emotional development is significantly influenced by their original family, though it is not entirely contingent upon them.

Upon reaching adulthood, it is important to recognize and address any issues that may arise from one's family of origin.

As an alternative, it is recommended that you accept your family of origin as it is and avoid replicating negative emotions within yourself.

Ultimately, however, the responsibility for their emotional state lies with their parents.

As children, we can only empathize with the feelings of the older generation, but we cannot alter their decisions.

The only recourse is to effect change within ourselves.

It is possible that the original poster has also been influenced by her mother's approach.

However, when it becomes apparent that this is not the desired outcome,

It is my hope that the host will have the courage to make the necessary changes.

In the context of romantic relationships, when two individuals express love for each other, if they offer their entire selves to one another,

When a relationship ends, it can leave you feeling isolated and vulnerable. It is often at this time that you may experience emotional distress.

It is therefore essential to learn to love oneself first.

What is the best way to love yourself?

Caring for your body, mind, and emotions is an essential aspect of self-love. This entails refraining from mistreating your body and avoiding letting others wrong you.

Only when you love yourself enough, regardless of the circumstances, will you maintain a sense of self-worth. Prioritize self-care to avoid feelings of vulnerability and hurt.

I am pleased when someone shows me affection, and I accept it graciously. When a relationship comes to an end, I do not linger or pester the other person. I am happy to move on.

It is only when you love yourself enough that you will not be hurt.

It is my hope that the original poster will become a brave and confident young woman who loves herself.

My name is Warm June, and I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Hello, I'm Dapeng.

First of all, it's important to understand that falling in passionate-love-affair-6972.html" target="_blank">love and getting married are two different things. Falling in love is about building a relationship and finding the person who suits us best. Getting married is the final choice, which also means giving up on other people. There is exclusivity, commitment, and responsibility.

Let's look at your romantic experiences. You started dating your boyfriend at 17. You were a good-looking, confident teenager. However, he cheated on you, which was a big blow. You didn't date anyone throughout college.

I think you started out as lovers and gradually built a more intimate relationship. At the time, you didn't have a clear goal. You were in a relationship with each other, and you may have invested in it with the goal of marriage. So, when the other person approached the relationship with a lover's mentality, free to advance or retreat, you were caught off guard.

We often say that relationships are a trial period. Without a firm and consistent commitment, they can be freely tried out and entered into. A relationship with the goal of marriage, a more stable love, includes the three components of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

When a relationship reaches a certain point, it's important to think about taking the next step and getting married. This means building intimacy, passion, and commitment into the relationship.

In these relationships, you may have been developing them in the form of a romance without a clear goal of marriage. "Later, I went out with a few boyfriends one after the other. I felt that since men were unreliable, I might as well look for good-looking ones."

The intimacy between two people develops and can become deeper and deeper. However, if you think you're in a relationship just to find someone good-looking, and the other person can also sense your attitude, then your relationship may not develop further at a certain point, and it will just remain at a certain level of intimacy.

After a while, you start to lose confidence in intimate relationships. You develop a sense of learned helplessness and a negative belief that "men are all unreliable." It's like you're wearing tinted glasses and you're screening men, but the result is that you're screening out all the scumbags.

So, why do you keep treating relationships this way? It all starts with the attitude that relationships are just about finding a good-looking guy, and you don't plan to invest much at the beginning. At a certain point, you just give up and don't push the relationship further? This is all tied to how your parents' relationship in your original family influenced you.

It's easy to see how a child in an environment like your original family would feel unstable and even afraid. Intimacy can feel unreliable, and it's natural to be afraid of investing your emotions in a relationship.

To build a solid, long-lasting relationship, you need to focus on the three main components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. This requires you to overcome your inner fears and invest more genuine feelings into the relationship.

You should also get rid of the idea that "men are unreliable." Men are diverse. They can be responsible or irresponsible, handsome or not so handsome. They're all real people.

You can also work on repairing your relationship with your father, getting to know him better, and possibly even learning something from him.

It's important to remember that deep intimacy is meaningful for each of us. It can help us become better versions of ourselves in an intimate relationship.

I'm Dapeng, and I hope we can become better versions of ourselves through intimacy.

Hello!

From what you've written, it seems like you're going to talk about your emotional experiences first, and then about your original family.

I get the sense that I can see love.

You decided to talk about your experiences first and you're open to making some compromises for your family of origin. Your insights are valuable, and it's clear that your family situation has had a significant impact on you.

You said you convinced your mom to get a divorce. I get the feeling you wanted to save her and make her happy.

You care a lot about your mother. It's important to remember that you need to be cared for too.

Then you think you've found this heartache, but they don't really understand you or appreciate you.

Am I a "slut-sucking" body type? This title seems to be a lighthearted way of putting it, but it's actually pretty cruel to oneself.

Can we change the way we think? Instead of asking, "How can I love myself better?" let's ask, "How can I love others better?" That way, we won't judge ourselves and we won't pour salt into our wounds after we've been hurt.

It seems like you helped your mother find a way to love herself. Of course, your mother compromised in marriage, but not with her daughter.

You can choose to focus on the areas of your family pattern that need improvement and take good care of yourself and your feelings before making changes. For example, I am feeling sad, I don't really want to please others, and I want to lean on and talk about my feelings. I don't need to be strong all the time.

I have moments of vulnerability because I'm always going to have moments of true strength.

Treat yourself with kindness and respect. When you're by yourself, be mindful of your body and heart. Accept yourself fully and embrace your emotions.

Let's try to reassure the OP from a distance.

The questioner's description:

I met my ex when I was 17 and we fell in love three years later. He cheated on me after we graduated from university, so I stayed with him to teach him a lesson. When we broke up, he knelt in front of me, thinking that I had let go.

I think that since they're all unreliable, I might as well find someone good-looking. I feel like I lack confidence in intimate relationships and that I can't find true love.

My own family of origin isn't great. My dad is pretty dominant and paranoid, and my mom is pretty passive. My dad cheated on my mom at one point.

Just a few words to the OP.

The questioner has shared some personal experiences and insights into his parents' marriage patterns.

Let's start by talking about your own dating patterns.

The questioner wants to find true love but doesn't trust men, so she only looks for handsome guys. She knows that the chances of a handsome guy being a scumbag are higher.

So, is the questioner looking for a romantic partner or just a boyfriend? It might be helpful for the questioner to figure this out on their own.

I also need to tell the questioner that it's up to you to decide what kind of marriage and relationship you want. If you get involved in a relationship without doing basic research on the other person, this could be a reason for the relationship failing. Another reason is that we may need to understand the other person's behaviour in a relationship.

The second thing we need to talk about is how your family of origin has influenced you.

From what the questioner has said, it's not clear if there's a direct link between your current romantic relationship and your parents' marriage. It seems like you've taken on some of your parents' relationship patterns, and they might even be the same.

Maybe you agree with your parents' way of doing things, so you'll probably have similar problems in your romantic relationship. But it's hard to tell from just a short text, so you should talk to the questioner in more detail.

It might be a good idea for the questioner to think about speaking to a psychological counselor to talk through this issue in more detail and see if there's a way to resolve it so that they don't have to go through the same thing again in the future.

In response to the question posed, it becomes evident that the inquiry reflects a manifestation of the individual's inner world manifesting in the external realm. Initially, the subject discusses the concept of "scumbags," and subsequently, the narrative returns to the experience of the original family.

This indicates the presence of an unresolved emotional issue concerning your original family, which is stored in your unconscious mind. It manifests as a perception that men are unreliable and unfaithful, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and insecurity towards men.

The repeated attraction of unsuitable partners can be seen as a form of indirect punishment of one's father. It can also be viewed as an attempt to repair the emotional damage caused by a father figure. Rather than seeking retribution against the perpetrators, the individual may be seeking to express their pain and suffering to their father. This can be seen as a subconscious attempt to find a resolution to the trauma caused by past experiences of abuse.

In your initial romantic involvement, you encountered an individual who exhibited deplorable characteristics, which in turn triggered a profound emotional trauma within your family of origin. Your father represents the male figure and serves as your benchmark for evaluating men. Therefore, I postulate that your encounter with this individual did not originate from external influences but rather stemmed from an internalized channel and unresolved emotional knots.

Your mother did not complete the process of leaving your father, so you used repeated encounters with and departures from bad men to convince yourself that you could do it, thereby avoiding the release of the oppressive feelings associated with your mother's dependence on her father and her fear of divorce.

The subconscious mind has reproduced this problem in adulthood. In fact, it was already planned like a blueprint in the mind long ago. Since awareness has been reached, it can be concluded that growth is occurring.

Attempt to recall and imagine the emotions your younger self would have experienced in such a situation. Then, return to the present and reassure yourself by tapping your middle finger against your chest, affirming that despite your father's irresponsibility and a lack of emotional support, you have learned to accept yourself and cultivate a profound sense of self-love.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan, and I'm excited to help you out.

From the questioner's own description, it can be seen that the boyfriends the questioner finds will eventually cheat on her. From a family therapy perspective in psychology, it is the awareness brought to you by your original family that makes you unconsciously repeat the relationships in your family — and this is something that can be changed!

Children often subconsciously refer to their family relationships, especially the relationship between their parents, when considering what kind of person they will become. They will replicate the past and they will also feel that they should not live a better life than their parents. So, let's explore why the questioner initially finds scumbag boyfriends!

The Law of Attraction also says that you will attract similar things and people when you think about it. When the questioner subconsciously feels that all men are scumbags, or that they are not worthy of a good love, it's time for a change! The questioner's love life is already doomed, but it doesn't have to be. How do you change this past one-sided perception?

And there's more! You should also raise your standards for choosing a boyfriend. Don't just consider a guy's appearance, but also his qualities.

The question was asked on a platform, so we can't go into the deeper reasons behind it. But we can give you some simple advice on how to find a boyfriend!

Focus on the amazing qualities of the guy!

It's always a breeze to make new friends when you're taking part in activities! Girls in particular are often approached by guys. Once you've got to know a guy, it's a great idea to think about his character or what his friends say about him.

It's a great idea to see if the guy has the qualities you like, such as loyalty or devotion. It's easy to do, as classmates are always well-informed, and you can also boldly proclaim your standards for choosing a boyfriend when making new friends. Just make sure you don't act pretentious!

It's time to get to know more about guys!

When you first meet someone, it's always a great idea to get to know them better before deciding whether they can be your next boyfriend. You've learned from your previous experiences with boyfriends not to judge a person based on appearance alone, and this is a great way to find someone who's truly right for you!

See if they meet the minimum requirements of the questioner! Is he interesting?

Smart? Kind? Absolutely!

Decide what traits or qualities are important to you and assess these things during the initial chat. If he seems to be completely incompatible with what you want, it doesn't matter how good-looking he is – you've got plenty of other fish in the sea!

The questioner can also talk to the guy about more in-depth issues, such as how he views love, who he admires, his expectations for the future, etc. This is a great way to really get to know someone!

It's time to find out what others say about the guy!

Before you make it official with a guy, it's a great idea to find out what others think of him. Ask around and find out what kind of person he is!

If his friends, especially his female friends, seem to think that they are having a good time with him, that's a great sign! Ask your mutual friends what they think of him, and try to get to know more of his friends or colleagues.

Once you know what kind of person the guy is, you can then decide if you really want to develop a relationship with him. It's okay if you don't like everything about him — you just have to accept and not criticize his different aspects.

The questioner cannot change others, so it is important to like him for who he is. There are so many fascinating topics to explore together! Talk about politics, religion, childhood and family, as well as the questioner's experiences at school and your hopes for the future. You'll find that you have so much in common!

It's time to find out if this boy is taken!

It's also important to understand the male's current relationship status. Is he currently chasing after different girls, has he just broken up with someone, or is there a girl he likes? Whatever the situation, it's essential to respect him, his feelings, and his choices. If he has a girl he likes, the questioner should just maintain a casual relationship.

If you don't talk to the guy, it's hard to find out this kind of information. But don't worry! You can try a more conservative approach and ask someone else. Your mutual friends may know a lot of details, so they're a great place to start!

If his friends are happy to see him in a relationship and think the questioner is nice, they may be willing to help! Be open-minded about making friends.

It's also a great idea to have a few male friends you can talk to! And don't forget to flirt with the boy you're interested in.

If you're interested in several people at the same time, make sure you're clear with each of them so people know where you stand!

The best way to avoid dating a scumbag is to get to know the guy better and avoid being blindsided! And if you feel like your perception is biased because of your family, you can absolutely seek help from a professional psychologist to help you correct some of your unreasonable beliefs.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello, question asker! I am 羯傲不寻, and I'm excited to help you!

After carefully reading the problems you described, you said that the boyfriends you find are all scum, and you are very confused inside, feeling that you are the typical "scum-absorbing physique." Even your "love incompetence" has always been a problem for you. But don't worry! There's no reason why you can't establish an intimate relationship with others in the future.

To help you sort things out:

(1) Your family of origin:

Your father was a strong, dominant figure, and your mother was a gentle, meek one. Your father once strayed from your mother's side, and you bravely stepped in to persuade her to divorce him. She chose to forgive him, and you were there to support her every step of the way.

On the bright side, you've had some success in your studies and work. But there's still room for improvement when it comes to love.

(2) Analysis of your character in your original family:

Your father's dominance and marital infidelity may have made you subconsciously fear the opposite sex, lack a sense of security, and be more prone to focusing on other people's shortcomings and habitually blaming others. Your mother's cowardly compromise, on the other hand, may have made you even more disappointed in relationships and marriage, and made you feel that men are all unreliable. But you can examine yourself to see if you have these problems, and you can work on them!

(3) Your past romantic experiences:

Your first love was a young man in a white shirt. He swept you off your feet when you were just 17! Unfortunately, he cheated on you with one of your best female friends after graduating from university. But the story doesn't end there! They got back together in retaliation, and it was a whirlwind romance. Unfortunately, it didn't last long, and they broke up two years later.

You've had a string of boyfriends since, and they've all been good-looking, tall, and handsome! Handsome guys are more likely to be scumbags, and many of your relationships ended because your partner cheated on you.

(4) Your attitude towards intimate relationships:

1. You think that men are unreliable, you feel that you have no confidence in intimate relationships, and you feel that you cannot find true love. But you're about to change all that!

(5) You might think you're "a person who attracts scumbags" and "love-impaired," but I say you're anything but! How can you establish an intimate relationship with others?

1. Absolutely! There are some guys out there who are total scumbags. By "scumbag," I mean guys who play with their emotions, are fickle, abandon their partners, and even have two lovers at the same time. Based on your description, it seems like this is the case, since your many relationships have basically ended with the other person cheating on you. So you say that all the guys you meet are scumbags, and you don't even have a little bit of confidence that you will be able to find a good relationship in the future.

2. In a relationship, the stronger the defense and the more unloved a girl is, the more likely she is to attract scumbags. From your description, you are young, beautiful, capable, and now have a stable job and career. You must be very popular with guys, so why do you keep running into such unreliable guys? Have you ever summed up any patterns? Apart from their appearance, what kind of personalities are they basically?

What's your usual pattern of getting along with guys? If you really want to get back to a normal, intimate relationship, you've got to sum up your past experiences in relationships!

3. Many girls who lack the love of a family are easily attracted to scumbags. Girls who have never felt so good about themselves because no one has ever treated them so well are easily swayed when they meet a guy who does everything for them. They will fall head over heels, and the more they lack love, the more likely they are to fall into the trap of love. I just don't know why it always ends with them cheating on you. Is it because you had some kind of disagreement with them?

Or could it be that all the guys you meet are such fickle and unreliable boys?

4. You can avoid being a "scum-sucking" person by simply protecting yourself!

First things first: don't invest too much of your emotions in a real scumbag!

It might be tough, but it's totally worth it! Don't give scumbags the chance to hurt you. This is the most effective way to stay safe and happy.

And remember, don't try to hold on to a scumbag, and don't get together with them just to get back at them!

5. Get a fresh perspective on relationships!

True and beautiful relationships are equal! Stay away from boys who will hurt you. Spend more time and energy making yourself better and more independent. Maintain good confidence and believe that you will eventually meet the right person!

②Don't overthink it! It's really simple to stay away from scumbags – just love and protect yourself!

And finally, you need to get rid of the influence of your family as soon as possible. Your parents' views cannot change anything, but you can! Your future has infinite possibilities. Believe in the beautiful things and people in the world, and believe in a good love. You are not "love-impaired." You just haven't been taught how to express your love or how to love someone well. But you can learn!

That's all for now! You've got this! I know you'll realize and analyze the rest on your own. I'm sure you'll meet that "prince charming" who is truly willing to love and care for you. I wish you all the best! The world and I love you ♥

Hello, thank you for sharing your romantic history with me. First love is often seen as pure and beautiful, but it's understandable that your first boyfriend's actions led to some challenges in your expectations of love and intimacy.

As you mentioned, it was a difficult experience. It's understandable that you didn't fall in love in college. On the one hand, you were still processing the betrayal, and on the other hand, you were trying to avoid further hurt by "avoiding it."

During your university healing process, did you ever find yourself pondering the question, "Should I believe in love?"

Your first boyfriend asked you to get back together, and you did so out of a sense of revenge. Two years later, you broke up. Do you think the two-year period was part of your revenge plan? Were you happy during those two years?

You responded to his actions in a way that was similar to how you would have felt if you had been "cheated on," and the result was two years of difficulty. It was a challenging situation for both of you.

At a later point in time, you came to the conclusion that men are unreliable. This led you to perceive the boyfriends you had at that time as unreliable as well. You feel insecure in a relationship and may find it challenging to establish a trusting relationship. A relationship of mistrust is difficult to get close to, which can further exacerbate your insecurity.

You mentioned your family of origin. The intimacy between parents is often seen as the earliest template for children. You once persuaded your mother to divorce, and you saw the grievances she suffered in an unequal relationship. After going through so much, I'm curious to know how you view love and building intimate relationships now.

You might consider making a list of your own criteria for making friends and choosing a partner. Perhaps apart from tall and handsome, there are other qualities you care about. When you consciously establish your own criteria that are conducive to genuine intimate relationships, you may find that you meet different people.

If you feel it would be helpful to explore your own interpersonal patterns and discover what might be preventing you from establishing a stable and good intimate relationship, I would gently suggest that you try counseling. While I don't believe counseling can help you solve your real romantic problems, I do think it can help you explore your inner thoughts and feelings, so that you can better understand your true inner self. When you truly understand your own needs and desires, you will become more confident and determined.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.