The parents do not approve of the current relationship, and they are torn about whether to continue.

Hello, question asker! I'm Warm-hearted Girl 1219, your answerer.

From what you've said, I can see why you're feeling torn. I used to worry about my parents' reaction when I fell in love.

But we are already adults, and we need to have our own opinions and learn to make our own decisions. Of course, our parents don't want to harm us, and we should also consider what they have to say.

I have a few suggestions that I think might be helpful for you.

It's also important to communicate with your parents.

You didn't really explain why your parents aren't on board with your relationship. If you want to fight for it, be open and honest with them about your feelings.

☀️I think that as long as you're confident in your relationship, your parents will come around. Parents have more life experience than we do, and if they disagree, it's because they've thought it through. You should communicate well with them and ask for their opinions.

☀️Don't be impulsive. Marriage is a big deal, so it's important to think it through.

It's also important to communicate with your significant other.

☀️Ask him what he really thinks and whether he's set on staying with you. If he is, you can talk with him about how to change your parents' minds.

If your partner's parents are on board with your relationship, you can ask his parents and your parents to get together at some point to talk things over.

Take some time to think it over on your own.

You say you don't want to give up this relationship, but you're not sure if you really like him or if you're just afraid of being lonely. In fact, you don't need to think about it so much. Since you don't want to give it up, be brave and try to find a way to fight for your relationship!

☀️You can find a quiet place to think about what to do. You can read books on the subject or ask friends with experience for advice. Ask them how they solved the problem when their parents didn't agree.

I hope you can find a solution that works for everyone. Either way, as long as you've given it your best shot, you'll be fine. Go for it!

Hello, host!

I can feel your confusion and entanglement, but I can also feel your strength! An intimate relationship is supposed to give you the strength to face the future with a sweet heart. You are considering your parents' opinions, but you are also considering your own desires. It seems that you cannot clearly tell whether you are reluctant to part because you like your partner or because you are afraid of being alone. This state of mind must be very troubling to you, but you will get through it!

I think it's not easy to fall in love, but it is possible to fall in love in the right direction! Let's explore together and have fun doing it!

1️⃣ Adjust your perception of love and establish boundaries — it's an exciting journey!

Absolutely! Marriage is about two families, and a relationship can't be maintained without understanding from both sides. But in an intimate relationship, the two people in it have the final say—and that's a great thing!

Two people can let go of each other for all kinds of reasons, whether it's because they don't love each other enough or because they no longer love each other. But whatever the reason, they should never suppress their choice to let go because of external pressure!

I really hope you can discuss your parents' opinions with your boyfriend sincerely, be honest with each other, gain the strength to bear the pressure, face and solve problems together, and establish your boundaries. You can absolutely refer to and discuss opinions, but you should not be easily overwhelmed by them.

2️⃣ Delve deeply into the riches you've gained from the relationship and celebrate the amazing journey of your emotions!

Every time you feel confused or lost in an intimate relationship, it is actually a great opportunity to slow down and reflect on all the amazing things you get from the relationship. If it is a fulfilling relationship, you will feel full of energy after taking stock!

It's totally normal to feel unsure about whether you "like" the other person or are afraid of being "alone." It's okay to feel a bit torn! But there's a reason to like the other person because you are afraid of being alone. So, it's time to explore in depth what you have gained from this intimate relationship and what you still hope for. This will help you summarize the development of your love.

—What changes have I undergone in the relationship, and are these changes satisfying or the opposite?

—Has your partner changed in the relationship? Can you sense his attitude towards the change?

—Absolutely! This relationship makes me feel more secure. If you can relate, please list no less than three pieces of evidence. If not, that's okay too!

—Does your attachment to this relationship make you feel peaceful and happy, or a little anxious?

—Have you broadened your horizons in this relationship? It's a great question! Have you embraced more ways of life, or is it the other way around?

—If you get a total score of 10, how much do you think you can get for your current state? What do you think you can do to increase your score?

...

You can think about these questions, or you can also associate some questions that you think are important. It's a great way to really understand your emotional state! This makes it easier to calmly judge whether you are in a safe attachment relationship and how much you expect the development of love to affect your actions.

3️⃣ Get ready to establish sincere communication based on trust and awaken your "true self."

Everything that happens in a relationship is something we can all work on together! The key to whether two people can be in a good relationship is open and honest communication, and the first step to this is building trust.

Have you tried to sincerely share with your boyfriend your parents' dissatisfaction? It could be a great way to start a conversation!

Are you worried that sharing will affect your relationship? Don't be!

Have you tried to actively ask your boyfriend for his opinion on both sides of the family? It could be a great way to get his input and gain a new perspective!

Have you tried to sincerely share and discuss the insecurities in your relationship with your boyfriend? And so on!

In intimate relationships, we often "endure" and "repress" our inner needs, showing the perfect side of ourselves as we understand it, and not releasing negative emotions such as worry and doubt. The result is that when it becomes unbearable, it triggers an explosion of even more intense emotions—and that's when the magic happens!

So, trust each other and face each other with your true selves! Don't let your superego create a false picture of things being better.

Love is not easy, but it's worth cherishing! I hope our exploration has inspired you a little. I am Chen Jian, a listening coach. The world and I love you!

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I've read your post and I can totally relate to the confusion and conflict you're feeling. It's so brave of you to express your confusion and actively seek help on this platform. I'm sure it'll help you understand and recognize yourself better, and see this relationship in a new light. This will help you make a choice that's right for you!

I'm so excited to share my observations and thoughts in the post! I really hope they'll help you to look at it from a more diverse perspective.

1. Let's explore whether you like or fear being alone together.

In the post, the poster mentioned that I don't know if my reluctance is a genuine fondness or because I'm afraid of being lonely. It's really too confusing! After reading this information, I really understand the state of confusion you are in now.

I can see that this is a challenge for you right now. And I think you know deep down that it's because you don't understand your own inner thoughts.

So let's chat about what it means to like or love, and what it means to be lonely or in need. It's important to remember that need is not actually love. If we're with someone only because we don't want to be lonely, it's likely that the other person's role is just to satisfy our needs. The feeling of being with someone else may simply be the pleasure of having a need fulfilled.

So let's explore this together. What we can see is that needs are actually a kind of demand. And what is love? Well, love is actually a kind of giving. It's something I'm willing to do for you.

After chatting about this, do you feel a little clearer about your own heart? Or do you understand this relationship a little better?

It might be helpful to ask yourself what you're willing to do for the other person.

2. Take some time to think about what kind of relationship you want.

You said in your post that you're struggling because you don't understand your heart. We've all been there! So, for now, we can explore our hearts and think about what kind of intimate relationship we really want.

It's so important to understand what we want so we can know what we don't want. And we can also explore the opposite.

To explore what you don't want. Of course, what we are exploring here are our core needs, because no one can meet all our needs. At this time, of course, we have to think about what is most important to us.

If you think that might help, we can definitely try the elimination method. We can write down all our needs together.

And then just delete what you think is unimportant. You'll find that the more you get to the end, the more important what's left is. This can also help us explore the core needs of our hearts.

3. Learning and improvement

You mentioned in your post that you're torn between two options. It's totally normal to feel this way! It's actually a good thing because it means you're exploring your inner self and thinking about what you really want. It's always better to think about these things before marriage than after. Of course, it can be hard to understand at once, but you'll get there!

So, at this time, it's really important to give yourself some time and space. If it were that easy, we wouldn't be so entangled! Then we can also use this time to learn and improve ourselves.

Taking courses and reading books on intimacy is a great way to help us explore ourselves and figure out what we really need.

Sometimes the more urgent things are, the more we may need to take our time at this time. This is okay! It's only in this way that we can truly see the essence. As for books on intimate relationships, there are many platforms. Here I recommend "If Only You Knew Before Marriage" and "Intimate Relationships" by Huang Qituan.

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exploration. Let's grow together!

Good morning,

Please be aware that you are experiencing feelings of loneliness and confusion. Thank you for being honest about your inner confusion and helplessness. Best regards,

It is important to gain a deeper understanding of your own needs and values.

It is possible that there may be an area within everyone that they cannot see clearly, and that we do not understand the profound meaning there. It is important to remember that everyone's life is a process of continuous self-exploration and self-understanding.

It is recommended that you set aside time to relax, reflect on your past experiences and relationship with your boyfriend, and consider your future aspirations.

It is likely that you will be best placed to identify your true inner needs. Therefore, it is advisable to avoid seeking external input. Take some time to relax and then use the quiet moments to gain insight and understanding. It is likely that you will be able to identify the answer yourself.

Discuss the matter with your boyfriend and ascertain the strength of your emotional connection.

Conduct an in-depth discussion with your partner to evaluate the alignment of your values, personalities, and circumstances. While these factors may not be the sole determinants, they can provide a logical framework for decision-making. Additionally, assess the emotional connection between you and your partner to ascertain its strength. This emotional bond can serve as a source of resilience in navigating challenges.

It is important to communicate effectively with your parents and gain their understanding and support.

The vast majority of parents are focused on considering their children's needs. They have more practical considerations and life experience, but their own lives are to be lived step by step, and parents cannot replace us in feeling and experiencing. However, this does not mean that we cannot communicate with our parents and achieve unity. Express your understanding of their good intentions, and also bravely express your feelings and thoughts. You and your parents are in agreement in the hope that your future will be happy, so use patient communication to gain your parents' understanding and support.

Allow yourself sufficient time to make an informed decision.

When confronted with significant life decisions, it is advisable to avoid hasty decision-making. Allowing sufficient time to gradually alleviate anxiety and stress can enhance one's ability to make well-informed choices. In some instances, circumstances will naturally unfold in a satisfactory manner.

I hope that Hongyu's reply is helpful to you. Thank you for your question.

Hello, question asker!

It would be my absolute pleasure to give you a little advice on your relationship! Even though I can only give you a short description of 100 words or so, I still hope to have a chat with you in my answer. I'd love to accompany you in seeing more possibilities when you feel torn and at a loss!

Now, let's get back to the real issue at hand!

Although the question in your title is whether to continue a relationship when your parents disapprove, by the end of the text you say, "I don't know if my reluctance is a genuine fondness or just fear of being lonely." It seems that your heart is also wavering at this moment, because you are worried about whether the person you have chosen is worth fighting for against your parents and their disapproval.

Now it's time to get back to the heart of the matter: Is this person right for you? Do they bring you joy and growth, or do they hold you back? Are they a source of happiness, or do they bring you pain?

Things to ask before marriage

It is truly wonderful that you two like each other and are together! However, passion alone is not enough to make it work in the long run. There are some things you need to clarify when you continue to deepen your relationship so you can determine whether the other person is the right person to walk through the second half of your life with.

For example, it's great to find out what the other person likes about you and what they're not so keen on. It's also really interesting to find out how they generally resolve disagreements when they arise in the family.

It's also great to find out how the other person views personal space and privacy in an intimate relationship. And it's really helpful to know whether they agree with you on the issue of having children!

Money is another great topic to discuss! After all, two people in a relationship come from different family backgrounds, so it's important to be able to accommodate each other's upbringings and values.

[Are parents a help or a hindrance?]

[Whether parents are a help or a hindrance]

In your text, you mentioned that your parents have some practical reasons for opposing your relationship. You also feel that they have a point. Have you already agreed with your parents on a rational level, but are still unable to accept it emotionally?

It's time to let go of the two possible pressures within yourself: "Because my parents said so, I must listen to them" or "Because my parents are against it, I will insist on it." Put yourself in the role of a bystander, look at the current relationship, and judge whether it is worth continuing. Of course, you can also listen to the opinions of friends around you who you are familiar with and trust as a reference.

I really hope that the original poster and the person they love will hold hands and walk towards marriage, and be happy!

I really hope that the original poster and the person they love will hold hands and walk towards marriage, and be happy!

Hello, question asker!

I was lucky enough to read your words, just a few lines, but they were so moving and described a major choice so well. I can feel your dilemma at this moment. I'd love to know more about the specific practical reasons for your parents' opposition.

First, take a look outside. You said, "My parents don't approve of my current relationship for practical reasons, and I'm torn between continuing or not."

I just want to say that your parents love you very much and they know all about the difficulties you'll face in real life. They're opposing your current relationship for a reason. They just want you to have a less stressful life in the future, and there's nothing wrong with having expectations!

Your parents have some great advice, but at the end of the day, you're the one who has to make the final decision.

❤️Secondly, take a good look at yourself. You say that on the one hand, you feel that your parents are right and are afraid of having to fight against the pressure from your parents and relatives if you insist on the relationship, but on the other hand, you don't want to give up the relationship.

I'm not sure if my hesitation is because I truly care for this person or if it's just because I'm afraid of being alone.

❤️ Then, you should love someone who can motivate you, not someone who always wears you down. It's okay, though, because although emotions are not in your control, you can still take steps to be a little more aware. I would also like to recommend a book to you: "If Only I Knew Before Marriage" is the answer you are looking for. I believe you will benefit greatly!

And I wish you all the happiness in the world!

This is a great way to figure things out for yourself. Ask yourself: What do you like about the other person? What have you gained from the relationship?

If a relationship is an exchange of emotions, marriage is an exchange of values. It's so important to think about what you'll be trading in the future.

? Finally, before entering into marriage, there are some topics that should not be left unaddressed. For example, the opposition you are currently facing from your parents.

Have you had a chance to chat about this? I'd love to know what your boyfriend thinks about it!

It's so important to make sure he's motivated! And it's also good to know how you'll resolve differences when problems arise.

These are all things that you really need to chat about together. Have you had a chance to talk about them yet?

Hello, question asker,

From what you've said, I agree that your father doesn't approve of your current relationship.

On the other hand, you're really attached to your current relationship, so you're feeling pretty torn and confused inside, right?

You're not sure how old you are, what kind of person you are, or whether you'll have a male or female friend.

It's a tough spot to be in.

From a dynamic standpoint, what's holding you back from making a choice?

There's no right or wrong answer to this question. Either way, you're going to be hurt.

Is there a chance you'll be hurt?

So, choosing a lover means betraying your parents and having to deal with more family issues?

Are you willing to give up this rare and precious "true love" and risk a lifelong regret?

I'm not sure what your father's objections to your current relationship are.

Is it because the other person's financial situation is not good? Is the father unreliable, or are you too young, or is there a lot of uncertainty in a long-distance relationship?

In short, your father will do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe and happy.

Next, we'll talk about whether your current relationship is true love or if you've just met the right person.

Or is it because you've found a way to combat your loneliness?

What was your emotional state like before you met your partner? How did you cope with feeling lonely?

Why do you think meeting a lover is confusing? Is this a case of true love, or is it just emotional compensation?

Have you also brought together your family backgrounds, growth experiences, personality traits, and cognitive models?

I think we should also look at how well the three views match up with each other.

You may know that no matter what you decide, you'll need to be brave enough to accept the consequences.

Are you worried about the risks and consequences of your choice, or are you genuinely unable to choose because of your cognitive limitations?

And are you unable to choose?

Unfortunately, there's not enough information to make any decisions for you.

I'm Consultant Yao. I'll be here to support and care for you.

In principle, my advice would be to just let it be.

I'd love to know what the OP's "realistic reasons" are!

Money? Education?

Oh, is it about appearance? Or what?

I want to be totally honest with you. When you ask this question, it's already making you feel a bit unsure.

From my own experience, I've found that practical factors can sometimes hurt a relationship more than anything else, even if you love and like each other and your partner loves you back.

For example, things like consumer views, values, the daily necessities of life, and family matters are all totally manageable.

And in a relationship, it can be tough to feel that full heart of love and affection, but it's always there!

So, if you've had disagreements, especially ones that have some realistic reasons behind them, it's really important to face them head on.

When I say "face it," I don't mean give up. I mean work through it together and overcome the difficulties.

It's about whether you both work hard, or convince each other's families and the outside world. It's also about treating each other better, both mentally and materially.

And the great thing is that you can do it, and you'll enjoy the process and the effort, rather than burning yourself out trying to do everything yourself.

If you both want to make an effort based on your love for each other, it's important to use a realistic transition to answer whether you're really suited to each other.

At the end of the day, the worst thing is that even if your parents agree, you'll still have to part ways in the future.

It's totally normal to feel like you might as well just break up sooner rather than later, especially when you think about how you'll be parting ways in the future.

Some folks also think that they should just get by, enjoy the present, feel the moment, and not worry about the future. Then, who knows, maybe they'll break up later.

It might not be the best idea, but it's true that some college students move to a new city because they're going to school there, fall in love, and then break up after graduation because they go back to their hometowns to start their careers.

And then there's the fear of loneliness.

You know, you don't need to worry about whether to stick with it or move on. What's more important is whether your partner is willing to work with you on this idea.

If your partner is on board, it's just a matter of whether they're willing to spend their youth (and possibly money) on finding someone to keep them company.

If there are other options out there, there's no need to settle for less. You can always replace the other person if you want to.

And this process is not about facing your emotions, but about facing yourself.

Life is all about facing others, facing ourselves, and then bearing the consequences of all this, which may be those of our parents, lovers, ourselves, or the reality of other people's words. It's a journey, and we're all in this together!

We'll always face the music, good or bad, big or small.

I hope this is helpful for you!

Greetings,

First and foremost, I would like to commend you for your actions. When you were uncertain about how to proceed, you chose to remain calm and seek assistance, rather than acting on impulse. This has already enabled you to make a decision that aligns more closely with your personal preferences.

From the information provided, it is evident that there is a significant conflict between your parents, your romantic partner, and your own future and well-being.

Indeed, an analysis of your description reveals the presence of minor issues, including an inability to differentiate between reluctance and genuine affection. If you were certain of your feelings towards the individual in question, you would not experience such internal conflict.

In the absence of certainty regarding the choice to be made, it is advisable to refrain from making a choice.

Firstly, it is important to note that many parents do not approve of their daughter's relationship when they consider the reality of the situation. It is possible to address this by talking to our parents to gain an understanding of their concerns and reassure them that we have not yet made a decision. It is also important to recognise that we are still in the exploration stage of this relationship.

It is advisable to allow your parents to provide you with the necessary time and space to reflect on the situation. It is important to recognise that they cannot be held responsible for your entire life.

Secondly, and most importantly, the subject states that they are unable to discern whether they are attracted to the other person or if they are simply reluctant to end the relationship. It is plausible that if the couple has been together for an extended period and has invested significant effort into the relationship, they may experience a sense of reluctance in ending it. Additionally, they may require a period of time to recuperate and process the transition.

It would be prudent to consider these two questions in the context of your own situation.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to ascertain the three most important qualities that you seek in a romantic partner.

Secondly, what are the three most unacceptable conditions when selecting a romantic partner?

Subsequently, one must ascertain whether the prospective spouse and the stipulated conditions are compatible. In the event of incompatibility, the probability of subsequent difficulties is significantly heightened.

It is incumbent upon both parties to consider these issues in a responsible manner.

Given that you are currently dating a boyfriend with the intention of entering into marriage, it would be advisable to visit the two families on both sides. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it is important to have a realistic understanding of the situation.

It is my sincere hope that this information will prove beneficial to you. I wish you the utmost happiness.

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, it's clear you're experiencing inner turmoil, hesitation, worry, pain, and feeling overwhelmed.

I'm not going to dwell on the difficulties you're facing because your parents disapprove of your current relationship. However, I do have three pieces of advice for you to consider:

First of all, you need to ask yourself what your criteria for choosing a partner are.

You must first figure out what kind of person you like.

If you don't know what your criteria for choosing a spouse are, then you need to think about what your ideal married life would be like and what kind of person the other person should be. Think about what you admire about him and whether you feel confident and look forward to the days with him. This kind of thinking will help you to know what your criteria for choosing a spouse are.

I want to remind you not to idealize your criteria for choosing a spouse. That's perfecting your partner. There is no perfect partner, and there is no perfect person. You need to consider what you care about most, what comes second, and what comes after, and what you can care about less.

When you know exactly what kind of person you like, you can choose how to proceed. If it's the one you like, you can continue the relationship. If not, you can choose to separate.

Second, you need to learn to judge whether the feelings between you are true love based on the following four characteristics.

If you realize through introspection or visualization that the other person is someone you prefer, but you are unsure about your feelings for them and want to confirm whether they are sincere, then give your relationship some time and judge it during that time by the following four characteristics:

First, you need to establish whether there is a strong emotional bond between you.

Second, you need to figure out if the other person is really responding to you or just talking to themselves when you're together.

Third, you need to know if you're a special and unique person in the other person's heart.

Fourth, you need to figure out if the other person loves you for who you are or because you are useful to them.

After spending some time judging, you will know how to choose. You won't be so entangled. If you find it's true love, you will get the parents on your side. If you find it's not true love, you can choose to separate.

You need to have an honest conversation with your parents.

If you believe there is true love between you, but your parents disagree, you must have a frank conversation with them.

However, when you communicate with them sincerely, you must pay attention to the methods and approaches. First, you must try to understand them by standing in their shoes, which will help them hear what you have to say. Second, you should start sentences with "I" and talk more about feelings, and avoid or minimize the use of "you" at the beginning of sentences, because the latter will make them feel rejected and accused, which is not conducive to communication between you.

Your parents disagree with your relationship for practical reasons. Explain to them that these reasons can be resolved one by one. You have confidence in him, you have confidence in your relationship, and you can be happy. When they see that you are determined and can really be happy, they will naturally agree.

Ultimately, it's normal for them to disagree. They're from different generations, so it's only natural that their views on marriage, love, and partners differ. You're fortunate to have your parents' blessing for your marriage. And it's perfectly fine if they don't give it.

You need to understand that marriage is ultimately your decision, and you need to be the one to make it.

You shouldn't be so entangled after thinking about it this way.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click on "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom of the page, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.