The person I like always disappears suddenly. It's been half a year, but I just can't let go. I'm suffering.

Hello, I am the place of peace. I am so grateful to have met you!

I can imagine how confusing and hard to understand it must be to have a partner who disappears for six months at a time.

You met each other by chance, and at the time, you just had a little bit of a good impression. But now, you can't help but feel a little bit addicted, and it's hard to let go. Why is that?

I'm sure it's not just because you like him more and more! What do you like about him?

Do you think he might be a bit narcissistic? Or perhaps he's just good at being himself?

I'd love to know what it means to be good at being yourself. What does it mean?

You admire him a lot, don't you? I'd love to know what it is you admire about him.

I'm just wondering, deep down, do you want to be like him? What is he like?

He would suddenly disappear without a reasonable explanation, and even if there was an explanation, it would be an outrageous excuse. Either that or he simply wouldn't respond. I'm sure you must have felt a bit confused by his behavior, right?

And how did you respond? I'm sure you had your own thoughts and feelings about his behaviour, but did you try to have an honest exchange with him?

If so, I'd love to know what kind of response he gave!

If not, I'd love to hear what you're thinking.

You say you have a somewhat ingratiating personality and are very popular. Is that something you aspire to have, to be popular?

I'd love to know what kind of feelings a good relationship brings you! Is it recognition?

I just want to check in with you and make sure you're sure. Is it really just about boosting your self-confidence?

Have you ever thought about what might be the real source of this good relationship? Do you ever find yourself giving up your own ideas, preferences, and even compromising yourself when you're getting along with others?

You're an amazing girl! It's clear from your writing that you have a lot of great options. These suitors are just as qualified as him in many ways, and in some ways they may even be better.

Then why are you the only one who can't stop thinking about him? I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

I just want to check in with you and make sure you're sure you really like or appreciate him.

Have you asked yourself some honest questions? It seems like his behavior shows that he doesn't care about me or value me. So, what is the real reason I don't want to let go?

Could it be that you don't actually want this person or this relationship? Maybe what you really care about is being noticed, being accepted, being affirmed, and having that sense of value, of existence, and of security. We all need that, don't we?

Take your time, sweetheart. Give yourself the space to think and explore. You are wise, and you will definitely find the answer because it is the real you.

Everyone has the potential to serve as a source of inspiration, whether by posing questions or providing answers. By harnessing the power of words, we can enlighten the minds of many individuals, and this is an energy that belongs to us all.

Good day. I am a heart coach. I empathize with your situation. Despite the pain of love, you are unable to stop thinking about him. You are distressed when you are apart, to the point of suspecting that you are ill.

Let's begin with a brief demonstration to illustrate the progression of feelings. Initially, there is a favorable impression, then an appreciation of his self-reliance, followed by a daily longing for his presence and constant concern about his whereabouts. Finally, there is anxiety when he is not seen.

1. Gain insight into the stages of intimacy.

1. Attractiveness: mutual attraction between the opposite sex, e.g., personality, appearance, and qualities.

2) Appreciation period: The "halo effect" is a phenomenon caused by hormonal influences, whereby one's perception of another individual is biased towards positive attributes, while negative traits are overlooked. This concept is exemplified by the adage, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

You admire him for embodying the qualities of a confident, self-assured individual. The reason you admire him is because you recognize that these traits are not something you have been able to fully embody in your own life. His personality traits happen to be what you want but haven't been able to achieve. The complementary traits attract you deeply, so that the "halo effect" is strongly in play.

If you consider the idiosyncrasies and even the unruly behavior of the other person, and then consider your own behavior, is it more effective to try to please everyone or to remain true to yourself if you want to gain the approval of others?

Love is appreciation of the other person, but also respect for yourself and a reflection of your self-confidence. It is important to believe in yourself and your abilities, and to trust that you deserve to love and be loved. This will enable you to make the right choices and behave in a way that is true to yourself.

Mutual trust and respect are essential in any relationship, as is reciprocity.

Please describe your feelings on this matter. The other person consistently disappears without notice, and the reasons provided are often implausible. May I inquire as to the level of respect this individual demonstrates towards you?

You are best positioned to assess this based on your interactions with him.

Although you met through a matchmaking service, your objective is clear: to become better acquainted, strengthen your bond, and chart a course for the future. Perhaps his frequent absences are simply a matter of personal preference, but it is nonetheless important to consider your feelings in the relationship.

This is the fundamental approach to take.

Additionally, you have indicated that you primarily communicate via online channels and infrequently meet in person, which presents a challenge to fostering a deeper understanding of each other.

Intimate relationships require essential adjustments, such as interests and hobbies, living habits, etc., which must be incorporated into daily life, mutual interaction, and actual contact.

It is important to communicate with your partner in a courageous manner. Intimacy is also about equality, not about him being in control. Express your views and feelings, and allow your partner to meet your needs within his abilities. For example, do not disappear without warning, even if you are worried.

3. Enhance your emotional value.

Emotional value refers to an individual's capacity to influence the emotional value of others. You are susceptible to the influence of others, and their dynamics and happiness or unhappiness impact your own emotional state.

We are either influenced by others or become someone else's. To enhance your emotional value, it is essential to improve your self-confidence. Your inclination to please in life stems from a lack of self-recognition.

"Confidence brings trust." There are two forms of confidence: one is to rely on external, material, or other people's support, such as a compliment or approval from others, which makes you feel that you are valuable. The other is to rely on your own abilities and resources, which makes you feel that you are capable. Similarly, a criticism or disapproval from others makes you doubt yourself or even deny yourself.

The other kind of confidence comes from a sense of self-efficacy. This kind of confidence is not reliant on external support and is founded on self-assurance and optimism about the future.

Similarly, if you are confident, you can be yourself regardless of whether the other person is in contact, avoiding you, or is nearby. There is not just one person involved in this situation.

You may choose to occupy your time by reading and learning to cultivate your mind and character. This will enable you to focus less on him and more on your inner self. We would also recommend The Power of Positive Emotions for your attention.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

To continue the conversation, please click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate with you and work with you on an individual basis.

From the questioner's description, I can feel the anxiety and helplessness of wanting to connect and respond to a boy who often disappears for no reason, but never gets a response. This is an exciting opportunity for the questioner to learn more about themselves and their needs!

I don't know what type of attachment personality the questioner has, but from the questioner's description of "liking to please" the other person and becoming "especially anxious" as soon as it disappears, it seems that the questioner is an anxious visitor who needs to be connected and does not feel secure in an attachment relationship. From the questioner's description, it seems that this guy is extremely narcissistic, doesn't like to stick together, and has high demands for self-space, so it is very likely to be an avoidant attachment. This is an exciting opportunity for the questioner to learn more about themselves and their relationships!

Anxious and avoidant types are naturally drawn to each other, and while it can be challenging to stay together for long, it's also a thrilling adventure! At the beginning of the relationship, the anxious person is attracted to the independence, certainty, and confidence of the avoidant person because the anxious person doesn't have these qualities yet and is eager to learn and grow.

Avoidant people may also be attracted to the passion of anxious people, which is a fascinating phenomenon. However, as the relationship progresses, the attachment of anxious people to avoidant people increases, which is an intriguing dynamic. Avoidant people often feel uncomfortable when they feel that anxious people are clinging to them and constantly demanding to be connected, which provides an opportunity for growth and understanding.

People with avoidant attachment styles generally grew up relatively lonely and are very uncomfortable being too close to other people, so they need a lot of personal space and time alone. However, anxious attachment styles naturally require a sense of connection and responsiveness, which is great because it means they're looking for a relationship! If this sense of connection and responsiveness is lost, they will feel insecure, which is a good reminder to check in with them regularly to make sure they're okay.

In terms of attachment styles, anxious and avoidant types are naturally attracted but difficult to get along with. This is an exciting challenge! Especially if you are a partner with an avoidant attachment style, you get to have a very strong heart and independence, and you must not be dependent or have high expectations of a connection.

These are all great questions that the original poster should definitely consider carefully!

From the description of the questioner, it's clear that she's a very nice girl who is chased by many people. So why is she having a hard time letting go of the person who has avoidance tendencies or doesn't care about him/her that much, but not attracted to the nice guys around him/her?

Is this a desire to conquer? Or are the merits of these boys not worth mentioning at all? Whatever the answer, it's time to figure out what you really want in a relationship and what's most important to you!

These are exciting questions that the original poster gets to explore and sort out!

The host describes her experiences as having poor interactions with a male individual with whom she has a romantic interest. This has caused her to experience anxiety and confusion. We have provided some suggestions below; please review them and see if they can help.

1. Articulate your emotions.

If the host encounters someone they like, they take the initiative to communicate with the other person and get to know them better. These actions demonstrate goodwill and are indicative of a positive interaction. If the other person feels similarly, a mutually beneficial relationship may develop.

However, this individual's behavior is erratic, and the hostess is unable to ascertain his intentions. The hostess's emotions are influenced by the other person's actions, and she is cognizant of this. She desires to disengage, yet due to the other person's justifications, she finds herself once again excusing the other person's actions and overlooking this behavior.

Please describe your feelings in this situation. How do you feel when you are ignored by the other person?

These emotions can be useful in identifying and protecting yourself.

It is important to be aware of your own feelings and to communicate them clearly to the other person. If you have a positive impression of the other person but feel uncomfortable with their cold and warm attitude towards you, you should let them know. If there is still a problem, it may be that you do not get along.

2. Enhance self-confidence.

Interactions between the host and others must adhere to the principles of equality, mutual respect, and tolerance. In the absence of mutual appreciation and support, an emotional relationship that requires looking up to someone and making sacrifices will be detrimental to your well-being.

It is important to recognize that everyone has their own merits. The hostess has identified that this individual displays narcissistic and self-centered tendencies, yet you admire him greatly. This admiration may be perceived as a form of worship, but it is essential to consider the other aspects as well.

It is important to distinguish between the need for a person and the desire to be in a relationship with them.

You are also highly competent and possess numerous strengths. It would be beneficial for you to adopt a more positive and confident mindset. Relationships are a natural flow of emotions between two individuals, and love tends to return.

Treat him as an equal and avoid placing him on a pedestal or idealizing him. This is not a healthy approach to a relationship.

3. Avoid becoming trapped in an untenable relationship.

The host is now deeply interested in every action the other person takes, as though trying to solve a puzzle, considering various approaches to get closer to the other person. Have you considered that the other person may not want to get close to you?

It is important to recognize that there are diverse individuals in the world, and human nature is complex. Some individuals may be more self-centered and indifferent. If you develop a relationship with someone who displays these traits, it could potentially lead to challenges.

The host will experience significant distress.

The host must decide whether to accept an equal and unadorned relationship. It is recommended that the host find someone who truly respects them and is willing to get to know them, and start a relationship based on equality and respect. This will ensure that the host will always be loved, rather than being stuck in a difficult relationship, constantly demanding love from the other person, as they are now.

Dear Host, We all deserve to be loved, but you have the right to choose who you want to be with. You can also choose whether or not to accept being treated this way. Always ask yourself, "Do I want to be treated this way?"

It is my hope that the poster will take steps to enhance their self-confidence and avoid interactions with individuals who do not respect them.

Hello, I can tell that the questioner is feeling some anxiety at this stage. It's time to adjust their state of mind. I can see that the questioner is reluctant to let go, but if they don't, it's been such a long time and it doesn't seem like there's been any effect, so they're conflicted!

1. "I've fallen for a guy. We met through a matchmaking service, and since we communicated online, we only met up a few times. I did meet all his friends, though.

At first, I just had a little crush on him, but he always suddenly disappeared, as if he had evaporated into thin air, and then he would return as usual.

I get the sense that the OP enjoys the online chatting experience, which is different from in-person interactions. You're typing back and forth, right? But the OP might not truly connect with him on a deeper level.

Since you haven't had a chance to build a strong relationship with him yet, you might still be in the fantasy stage of intimacy. How do you feel about his sudden disappearance?

Do you feel like you've been abandoned? If so, take a moment to think back to your childhood and adolescence. Did you ever feel like you'd been abandoned?

Just say what you want to say to her, respect your body's feelings, and accept it as it is. Then, thank her and tell her you love her.

2. "I'm a people pleaser and have always had good relationships with people, but this is the first time I've encountered this situation. As soon as he disappears, I get really anxious and think about whether I've done something wrong.

When I asked him why, he said he was busy or didn't feel like typing those days. The excuses were pretty ridiculous, and he either didn't respond directly or didn't respond at all. I thought about it every day and followed him on various social media.

He's got a big personality and is great at being himself. I really admire him and probably hope deep down that I can be like him.

(1) I think the questioner should first stop labeling themselves as a "pleaser" and not put pressure on themselves. Regardless of what happens, you need to accept and tolerate yourself. Once you stop labeling yourself like that, will you still feel so pressured? It's normal to have needs. We all have needs; it's just how we deal with them.

Every day, I remind myself, "I'm doing great, I love myself."

(2) I can tell you're feeling anxious and restless. It's like you're feeling unloved again, right? You're not wrong. You feel restless because your inner needs aren't being met. Maybe he also feels uncomfortable in the relationship, or maybe he doesn't want to put in too much effort in the relationship. We don't know.

The main thing is that the questioner needs to adjust their mentality, focus all of their energy on themselves, and withdraw all of the energy that was previously invested elsewhere. Once the questioner can come to terms with themselves and accept themselves, you'll be able to satisfy your own needs.

(3) He's really narcissistic and good at being himself. I admire him a lot, and I probably hope deep down that I am like him. I think this is partly projection, where you just have something in him that you don't have, and that doesn't necessarily mean true love. So I would say that the questioner just likes that feeling.

3. "But I know that his avoidance will drive me crazy. I keep trying to let him go, but I just can't. I'm always checking to see if he's updated his status, and I'm always trying to find a way to talk to him and get things sorted out. But every time I do, it's like a bucket of cold water is poured over me.

I feel a little sick. In fact, I have a lot of other options, and some of them are very good at communicating and mature, but I just can't let go of him.

I'm really distressed. It's been a year and a half, and I don't know why I can't let go of someone I've never met much and who treats me badly.

"

(1) Give yourself permission to think about him. Don't resist, but rather suppress these feelings. The questioner can write down everything they want to say to him, and write it down several times. Once the emotions start flowing, they will feel much better. Since this hasn't happened in a year and a half, shouldn't the questioner make a choice? Should they continue to waste time?

Or should you make a fresh start and move on from the relationship? Live life to the fullest, learn to love yourself, smile more, and spend time with friends when you have the chance, to take your mind off things.

(2) The questioner's personal growth needs to keep going, especially in terms of the inner child. The questioner can choose to listen to personal growth and healing audio on the platform to boost their sense of security. In addition, it's important to be aware of your emotions at all times and adjust your state.

I hope this helps!

Hello, questioner!

It's totally normal to feel disappointed, angry, and anxious when someone you like is always unavailable and gives you perfunctory responses. At the same time, I admire how you've developed a deep understanding of your own and the other person's psychological state and personality traits.

I can see why you're feeling a little stuck. It's so hard to let go of someone who treated you badly, isn't it?

I can think of a few reasons for you to consider. Please see if there is any possibility that one of them is the case.

Firstly, narcissistic personalities are naturally drawn to those who are pleasing to be around.

You mentioned that he is narcissistic and you are a little bit of a pleasing personality. If your judgment is correct, then it is totally normal for him to attract you! People with pleasing personalities always feel that they are not good enough and always hope to get good reviews from others and be recognized by others.

Narcissistic personalities have a lot of self-approval within themselves, and they exude a confident glow that is very attractive to a pleasing personality like yours.

The second thing to remember is that the more difficult something is to obtain, the more it arouses our desire.

You say you usually get along well with people, which is great! It means that when interacting with others, you don't have any difficulties, and he is the first problem you have encountered. There is a common human psychology that the more easily obtained, the less valuable it is perceived to be, while the more difficult to obtain, the more valuable it is perceived to be.

It's totally understandable that his disappearance has made you want to get closer to him.

Third, it's totally understandable that you're drawn to the mystery of why he is the way he is.

Because you're such a great communicator, you find it easy to understand other people. It's just him, with his frequent disappearances and lack of commitment, that makes you guess.

So it's not that he himself attracts you. You just want to figure out what's going on with him, which is totally understandable!

It doesn't matter if he's a narcissist or not. From what you've told me, it seems like he's not interested in developing a relationship with you. I know it's tough, but if you keep focusing on him and spending energy on him, you'll just end up suffering.

I really hope you can gradually let him go, think seriously about what kind of person you really need, and develop a relationship that suits you better.

Of course, you can choose to continue to invest in this matter, which is also an experience for you and may help you better understand and appreciate this type of person. Just please protect yourself in the process, OK?

Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just treat him as one of the many people you meet on your life's journey. Get to know him, but don't let him get in the way of your own path.

Hi, I'm Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you all!

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart detective coach. I've read your post and I can really feel how you're hurting and feeling helpless.

I also noticed that you, the host, bravely expressed your distress and actively sought help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help you better understand and recognize yourself, and thus adjust yourself.

I'd like to share some thoughts from the post that I hope will help you see things differently.

I know it can be tough, but I just wanted to say that the more you resist, the more painful it is.

In the post, the host mentioned that I keep trying to let go of him, but I just can't! I always check to see if he's updated his status and always want to ask him for clarification. After reading this, I finally understand the host's mentality of wanting to let go of him.

It's only been half a year, and you've noticed that it doesn't seem to be working, right?

So let's first take a look at why you can't let go. We can start with a little game.

I'd like to kindly ask the host not to think about the little red elephant for now. I'd love to know if there's an image of the little red elephant in your mind? I'm really interested to know why that is.

It's true! Our brains just don't understand negative words. So, the more we try to let go, the more he may be strengthened. And, you know, even more confrontation is more painful.

It's like insomnia. The more you want to sleep, the less you can. I know it's tough!

So, at this time, we might as well accept the fact that we still can't let go of him and allow ourselves to not be able to do it yet. I know it's tough, but I really believe that you'll feel better in time.

2. Take a moment to think about why you can't do it right now.

We can't do it in the moment, so there may be reasons why we can't do it. So at this time, we may be able to respect the moment and explore why we can't do it, which may be more meaningful. This can help us better understand and know ourselves, which is really important!

In your post, you mentioned that I admire him. It's possible that deep down, you hope to be like him too!

This can be interpreted from a psychological point of view. You mentioned in your post that you have a tendency to please, which is totally understandable! So, what is pleasing to you?

It's so hard to suppress our own needs and satisfy others, isn't it? It's so much easier to follow our hearts and be ourselves.

So, he may be living out the part of ourselves that we have not lived out, and this may be an attraction to you. What do you think?

Second, I'd love to see if you try to please others in other important relationships too. Let's look back at our own upbringing and see if we also tried to please and gain the approval of important others during our upbringing.

If so, we can ask ourselves if it's possible that we've projected our old relationship patterns into this one.

So, there might be some obsession going on here. Of course, this is only an exploration in one direction, and it may not necessarily be suitable for the original poster.

So, different problems need different solutions.

3. Why do we try to please others?

In your post, you mentioned your tendency to please others. This is a great start! It's a kind of self-awareness, and I think it can help you better understand and know yourself. Now let's use this self-awareness to explore why we try to please others.

The original poster can take some time to think about why they are like this.

I totally get it. There's a strong connection between pleasing others and our sense of self-worth. When we don't feel worthy, we often turn to others for appreciation and recognition.

So the original poster can think about whether or not this has anything to do with the fact that they can't let go. It's okay to not know the answer right away. Just take your time and think about it.

It's okay to need this kind of relationship to feel like you have a sense of worth. Even if it's not the best relationship, it's still better than having no relationship at all.

4. Accept yourself, sweetheart.

It's so important to accept the real you, because it helps us let go better. When we accept ourselves, we also increase our sense of self-worth. This means we may not need the relationship as much. And when our sense of self-worth increases, we become more and more accepting of ourselves.

We will believe that we deserve better and that we are worthy of love and being loved. So, accept the real you, accept the parts of yourself that you cannot change, focus your energy on the parts you can change, accept your strengths and your weaknesses. In this way, we will encounter a better version of ourselves and become more confident.

I really hope these words have been helpful and inspiring for you!

If the other person makes you like them, it's possible there's some technique involved, or perhaps some innate advantages, which may be physical, appearance-related, or asset-related. There may also be many reasons for liking someone, or sometimes it's just a feeling. You may like someone yourself, but the other person may not feel the same way about you.

It might seem as though the other person is watching from the sidelines with a cold face, or perhaps they are putting on a hot face to a cold ass. It's also possible that the other person's avoidance is related to their personality. Their past family life may have given them some experiences and brought them some different ideas. It's even possible that they themselves want to escape when they encounter problems, rather than face them. People like him still have a significant place in our lives.

If you really understand him, perhaps his avoidance will not suddenly disappear, but will instead reappear after a period of time, which might make you feel a bit anxious and uneasy. All kinds of actions of the other person might make you feel a bit restless. He always disappears suddenly, which might be perceived as a bit rude.

He could perhaps be more mindful of your feelings. It would be helpful if he could let you know in advance if he's going to do something, rather than just disappearing without saying anything. This can still make people feel a little uncomfortable. You could also express your thoughts and feelings and see if there's anything the other person can do to make you feel more at ease.

If he is truly unsuitable and makes you feel very uncomfortable, you may wish to consider leaving him. You are a good person and deserve better. You will find that others will come into your life. If you feel able to do so, talking to a friend you trust may help you to see things more clearly.

It might be helpful to consider that others can usually look at the life you are facing more objectively. We all have a life we want to lead, and you can also have a state of life that you desire. If it is possible for you to do so, you might like to think about seeking some psychological counseling or talking about your feelings. You may find it helpful to let yourself be guided out of the predicament by a professional.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider ending some of the less constructive relationships in your life. There is no need to dwell on the reasons behind his actions or behaviors. Everyone is an individual with their own motivations and ways of interacting with the world. While his actions are ultimately his own, they may still have an impact on you.

It might be helpful to consider whether you are truly suited to being in contact with someone with such a personality. While you haven't seen each other often and your communication hasn't been particularly deep, it would be beneficial to think about your future plans and the direction you want to take. As a dedicated heart exploration coach, I would suggest reading "The Five Languages of Love," "A Little Philosophy in Love," "The Five Abilities of Love," and "Why Love Hurts." I hope this is helpful.

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Good day, I have a question for you.

After reviewing your inquiry, I believe you are a kind and thoughtful individual. As you mentioned, you may possess a flattering personality trait. Regardless, you are a lovely young lady. Best regards,

To be frank, when I read the preceding section, I was still perplexed by my own preoccupation with this individual. Are there no other potential suitors?

I was reassured to see that you have a number of potential suitors. Given your kind nature, it is only natural that you would have a wide range of admirers. I also believe that you deserve to be appreciated by many people.

Your kind nature is precisely what enables you to take responsibility for yourself when problems arise. Consider, for instance, the individual you have been unable to let go of for half a year.

Given your personality, if it's an ordinary stranger, if they're not happy, you'll probably still be thinking about it, not to mention a man you like. You'll pay more attention to the person you like, and you'll read between the lines. This is really challenging, as you've described.

When he is unavailable, I experience significant anxiety and concern. When I inquire about his status, he cites busy schedules or a lack of motivation as reasons for his inactivity. However, these explanations seem implausible. Alternatively, he may simply be unresponsive.

I considered the reasons for his behavior daily and monitored his activity on various social media platforms.

However, I am aware that his avoidance will ultimately lead to a state of distress. Despite my efforts to disengage, I find myself continually monitoring his status updates.

This situation has persisted for over half a year, and it has a significant impact on one's energy levels. The emotional distress associated with this situation is substantial and can have a detrimental effect on one's overall well-being. It can lead to a sense of helplessness and a lack of control over one's own situation.

However, I believe you have gained valuable insight into your own thoughts and feelings. When you sought assistance, you effectively began the process of healing. By expressing the painful emotions that had been suppressed, you allowed them to flow and become less obstructive. When emotions are no longer blocked, it allows for a more relaxed state of mind.

It is possible to mitigate the effects of sadness. We must then consider the reasons behind your inability to move on from a relationship that is not beneficial to you and in which you do not see each other often.

From my personal experience, it's somewhat akin to a game of hide-and-seek, a feeling of mystery. In other words, he just won't let you see through him, he's always on the verge of leaving, and he wants to arouse your curiosity. However, if you view it from another perspective, or if an outsider views it, it may appear that this person is somewhat unreliable.

It is also possible that she does not have feelings for you, which may be perceived as harsh, but is a possibility nonetheless. It would therefore be advisable to consider the advice of other people's family and friends.

It is important to consider the opinions of others in order to gain a comprehensive understanding of the situation and respond effectively.

I believe it may be premature to let go of this relationship, but I am not in a position to confirm this. Are we biased towards this potential partner because he is good at communicating? If so, it would be beneficial to consider other candidates. I believe that dedicating a little more time to this area could yield valuable insights.

Furthermore, if the current partner is genuinely concerned about your wellbeing, this will become evident when you begin to show a lack of interest in the relationship. If this does not occur, it may be necessary to reconsider the situation and make a decision.

Naturally, I am not suggesting that you maintain two separate approaches. Instead, I recommend a flexible strategy that allows you to adapt your tactics to suit the individual. I am confident that you will be able to identify an approach that aligns with your goals.

I hope you will be able to hold hands with your beloved soon.

I extend my warmest regards to you and your loved ones.

It's hard to see things from someone's perspective you like. It's painful when love ends without an explanation. No one has seen or felt the love you gave.

But have you ever thought that behind this kind of flattery is the main reason for the problem you want to control the person who is running away? Flattery is just another kind of control to get the other person to say nice things about you. If you change it to someone who just blindly flatters you without considering your feelings, you may know that this is control.

Trying to please others is not wrong, but controlling them is. This is because your nurturer has always controlled you, and you have approved of this. You don't know how to control others because you dare not. You have been suppressed, and you choose to please others to form a sense of control.

The need for control is an attachment relationship. The need for relationships is part of yourself that needs to grow. When you discover that my value is still there, that there are friends around you, and that there are more relationships, perhaps the need for attachment relationships will not be that strong.

You have never really lost love. Accepting not being loved is a wrong idea from childhood. Loving someone is about affirming, appreciating, loving, and encouraging each other fairly. Learn to love yourself to know how to love others. Believe that you have always been loved and have the strength to love others.

Hello, question asker. After reading your statement, I'd like to share my thoughts with you.

So, the question is:

1. You met through a matchmaking service, and it's been a year and a half. You don't get to meet very often, and you mostly communicate online. The other person often disappears without responding to messages, and the reasons they give for doing so are often not very convincing.

2. You find yourself trying to please him, but he often gives you the cold shoulder.

3. You think you like him and can't let him go, and it's causing you a lot of stress.

4. There are plenty of other potential partners in the picture.

From the first question, I'd like to ask the questioner to confirm: does he like you? You're in the best position to know how you feel about this. It's been a year and a half, does he have affection for you?

Or is it that he doesn't have the ability to love others?

I hope the questioner can figure these things out. Love needs to go both ways, and both parties need to be able to love others.

You've already identified the issue with trying to please others, so there's no need to worry about that. Just keep working on yourself and continue to grow.

From the third question, it seems like you like him. I'd like to ask you to confirm what you like about him. You can list them specifically. From these things you like, you can see what you lack yourself and know your potential needs.

I'd also like to ask the questioner to think about their feelings. Do you really like him, or are you just resigned to it?

He's so cold and aloof, which obviously frustrates you. The feelings he gives you are those of frustration and inferiority. Is this your desire to be subjugated aroused, or do you really like being abused?

Knowing what you really feel will help you figure out what to do next.

And another thing: why can't you let go of him? Is it because of his unusual behavior, like being aloof, suddenly disappearing, not replying to messages, etc.? It makes him seem mysterious and arrogant, which has increased the sense of mystery and aroused your desire to conquer.

The more mysterious, the more attractive; the more attractive, the more you want to conquer!

It's also possible that you're drawn to some of his exceptional inner qualities, though that's not really clear from what you've said.

From the fourth question, it's clear there are many potential partners out there. It seems the questioner is looking for something more than just a casual relationship and is hoping to find someone with a higher quality of love.

I think it's important to remember that love and marriage are two different things. You can encounter love, but you don't actively seek it. And just because you're in love doesn't mean you're ready for marriage. So, I'd encourage the questioner to think about whether they're looking for a love affair or a comfortable marriage.

I'm not sure what you're asking.

When you're entering a relationship, it's important to think clearly about your own needs, understand the other person's needs, consider what you can give to the other person, and think about what the other person can give to you.

That's all I have to say on the matter. I hope my answer helps, and I wish you the best in your search for a happy relationship.

Hello.

I'm sending you a hug.

Let's analyze this.

I've seen friends disappear and then return.

I'm nice and have always had good relationships, but this is the first time I've encountered this situation.

When he disappears, I get anxious and think I did something wrong.

When I ask why, he says he's busy or doesn't feel like typing. The excuses are ridiculous. Or he just doesn't respond.

I wonder why he is like this and follow him on social media. He is narcissistic and good at being himself. I admire him and hope I can be like him.

But I know his avoidance will drive me crazy. I keep trying to let him go, but I just can't. I always check to see if he's updated his status, and I always want to ask him for clarification. But every time I communicate with him, it's like a bucket of cold water is poured on me.

I have other suitors, but I can't let go of him. I'm suffering.

I can't let go of someone I've never met much and who treats me badly.

What happened made me think of a psychological phenomenon.

Self-loathing

If it lasts a long time, self-loathing must serve a purpose.

Self-loathing hurts.

Self-loathing makes us feel secure and familiar. People who seek out unfair relationships and jobs will, in extreme cases, deliberately provoke and anger the other person to prove that they are unloved and hated.

How can I change?

Be aware of your need for self-loathing and why you have it.

Learn to live with self-loathing. Understand your need for it and discover its function.

Discover a new self. Instead of trying to hide self-loathing, try to find new qualities in yourself and your own sparkle.

Self-loathing doesn't mean you're worthless. It just means you only see a part of yourself. When you understand yourself better, you'll see you're worthy of love.

You can use this as a reference.

You feel unloved in this relationship. You want him to see you. You have suitors, but you're obsessed with him. Ask yourself: What about him fascinates me? Is there someone in him from your childhood?

The subconscious mind controls many things. There must be a reason why we are caught in this state. Ask yourself what needs are not being met. Look within. It doesn't mean you are bad.

We are worthy and loved.

Robert Sternberg's Love Triangle Theory:

Intimacy, passion, and commitment make perfect love.

Intimate = like

Single passion = obsession.

Commitment alone is empty love.

Intimacy + passion = romance.

Intimacy + commitment = companionship.

Passion + commitment = foolish love.

When you love yourself, the world will love you.

I'm overdue. I love you. Good morning!

Have a good day!

Dear Sir/Madam,

The decision to persist in a relationship that is ultimately unsuitable is not analogous to entering a tiger's den. Rather, it is akin to approaching a tiger in the mountains without fully understanding the potential risks. In this case, the individual in question is foregoing the opportunity to pursue a more suitable relationship, which could have resulted in a more fulfilling romantic experience. Furthermore, the decision to remain in an unsuitable relationship has the potential to negatively impact one's personal growth and emotional well-being. Ultimately, the individual may experience regret when the relationship ends, leading to a sense of missed opportunity.

The man in question appears to be following a mysterious path, "always disappearing suddenly," and you also admit that you are attracted to this style because of your pleasing personality. Secretly paying attention to him stretches the limits of your attention, and the passing of time weakens your discomfort and strengthens your interest in exploring. The frustration of hitting a wall in the meantime in your exchanges with him will not only not make you depressed, but will instead make you unable to stop. Therefore, the sunk cost of your investment and the sense of following the other person will make the mystery of this man even more intense. This cycle is an alternative flywheel effect that will lead PUA users into a vicious cycle from which they cannot extricate themselves.

The confusion you are currently experiencing is indicative of the aforementioned cycle. Despite having only met on a few occasions, you are unable to move on. By forcing yourself to disengage from your current circumstances, whether through travel, the formation of a new offline relationship, or the pursuit of a new skill, you will be able to diminish your desire to explore this man further. This will ultimately result in the dissipation of your initial confusion.

This is a conflict between one's own volition and the external forces that influence it. It is my sincere hope that you will emerge from this struggle with success.

Hello, question asker.

The core of your situation is simple.

First, I'm going to help you analyze your partner.

"Suddenly disappearing, evaporating into thin air, and then returning to normal." This pattern of behavior is actually quite common among boys.

The reason for the disappearance is a lie. It's not something he's told you in detail. You can speculate about what he's doing based on his interests and social circle. It could be traveling, playing games, or simply doing nothing at all.

He's doing whatever he can to avoid psychological pressure. It could be a person, or it could be a group of people, like his colleagues.

"The excuse is ridiculous, so just don't respond." This clearly shows that he is not avoiding you specifically. The questioner is incidental to his attempt to avoid a certain kind of pressure and responsibility. Otherwise, he would not have prepared an excuse for you in advance.

Your partner is sensitive to psychological pressure and has a habit of avoiding responsibility. He has a high wall in his heart and doesn't let others in easily. He doesn't care about the losses that may be caused by not pleasing others because he's confident and powerful.

The key is in the questioner herself.

Apart from love, you have formed a personality dependence on him. You long to be taken care of and loved by him, and in fact long to align your own personality strength with his. But his avoidance and lack of concern for you clearly express a rejection of this psychological demand. You cannot satisfy your psychological needs with him, and these needs become increasingly magnified. You see other people's courtship of you as a sign of their dependence on you, so naturally you won't choose anyone else.

You have plenty of options for how to move forward with the person you like. The best course of action is to resolve your dependence, take your focus off of him, and first focus on caring for yourself.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Jiang 61.

You have indicated that the individual in question has a tendency to abruptly cease communication. This has been occurring for approximately six months, during which time you have been unable to move on and are experiencing distress. In order to assist you in moving forward, it would be beneficial to gain insight into the nature of the individual in question.

First, I will provide an overview of the individual in question.

1. An individual who places a high value on emotional connections.

You stated that you have developed feelings for a gentleman you met through a matchmaking service. Due to various circumstances, our primary mode of communication was online, with infrequent in-person meetings. However, I did have the opportunity to interact with all of his friends.

From your message, it appears that you have made friends through a dating site and have met online, so you have met very few of his friends. However, given that you have met all of his friends, it seems that he values relationships and also values you, which is why he has allowed you to meet all of his friends.

2. Please clarify the reason for his sudden disappearances.

You stated that initially, there was a minimal level of attraction, but he would abruptly leave, as if he had vanished, and then return as usual.

You did not indicate the reason for his disappearance. I believe it may be related to the reasons you previously mentioned that made it inconvenient to meet frequently. You stated that after his return, things returned to normal.

In other words, he effectively erased the period of time he was absent from the situation, and upon his return, resumed the previous pattern of dating.

You state that after inquiring about the reason for his absence, he responds that he is occupied or does not wish to provide an explanation on certain days. These responses are inadequate and do not address the issue at hand. Alternatively, he may simply refrain from responding.

I believe there may be a reason for his evasiveness or silence. If you can easily introduce what he does for a living, he may be more forthcoming.

3. He is self-absorbed.

You have indicated that he is highly narcissistic and adept at presenting himself in a favorable light.

You have indicated that he is adept at managing his own emotions, possesses a high level of self-assurance, and is aware of his needs, shortcomings, and the steps he must take to address them. This enables him to be authentic in his interactions.

4. Avoidant Type

You indicate that you consistently desire to inquire further, yet each communication with him evokes a sense of unease and detachment.

Your enthusiasm for obtaining responses has prompted him to erect defensive barriers, making it difficult for him to divulge certain information. He exhibits avoidant tendencies and is not inclined to pursue a relationship with you.

Avoidant attachment types prefer to maintain a certain distance in all interactions.

2. Your emotional state

1. The attachment type personality determines

You state, "I am a people pleaser and have consistently maintained positive relationships with individuals. However, this is the first time I have encountered this particular situation. As soon as he disappeared, I experienced a significant level of anxiety and found myself repeatedly questioning whether I had done something wrong."

Let us first discuss the pleasing personality type. This refers to a personality type that is driven to please others while neglecting their own feelings. This pattern of behavior is potentially unhealthy. The fact that you felt anxious after your boyfriend disappeared for the first time does not indicate that you are a pleasing type of person. However, it does suggest that you are an anxious attachment type.

Characteristics of the anxious attachment type: The pattern of "worrying" often occurs in intimate relationships between adults. This type of attachment is characterized by insecurity and uncertainty.

When faced with concerns, individuals often experience uncertainty or nervousness about their relationships. In such instances, they may seek comfort from their partners.

You are just as keen to receive a response as I am, which is why you are acting in this way.

You have stated that you are curious as to why he behaves in this manner on a daily basis and that you monitor his social media activity.

2. Your expectations

You have indicated that you admire him and that you may have aspirations to emulate him.

Indeed, he serves as a reflection of yourself, and what you see in him is a reflection of your own shortcomings. I also aspire to establish a close connection with him and emulate his qualities.

3. Significant discrepancies in outcomes

You state, "I am aware that his avoidance is causing me significant distress. Despite my efforts to disengage, I find myself continually monitoring his activity and seeking clarification.

You have encountered an individual who avoids confrontation, which is the antithesis of what you, an anxious attachment person, require. Consequently, his avoidance behavior is causing you significant distress and frustration.

3. Explore the possibility of implementing changes.

If you wish to maintain the relationship and be the kind of person your boyfriend desires, it is not an insurmountable task. You simply need to make the necessary changes to yourself and adapt to your boyfriend's lifestyle and rhythm. Alternatively, you can choose to maintain your own identity and values. In either case, it is entirely feasible.

1. Establish boundaries and provide him with the necessary space.

When interacting with him, establish a certain psychological boundary, provide him with a moderate amount of undisturbed and comfortable space, refrain from forcing him to comply, and allow him to act according to his preferences. Your tolerance will make him feel more at ease and elicit a more favorable response from him.

2. Reduce conflict

Those with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid conflict with others, often because they perceive it as a drain on their mental resources. When conflict arises, it is possible to communicate calmly and effectively by discussing facts, feelings, understanding, and needs. This approach can help the other person perceive your sincerity and avoid seeking conflict.

He will also address the issue in a logical and reasoned manner.

3. Remain calm.

It is important to maintain a calm attitude when communicating with your boyfriend. Avoidant attachment types tend to prefer a friendly and calm demeanor.

It is therefore advisable to sort out your emotions before communicating with your boyfriend.

4. Be true to your own identity.

It would be advisable to terminate the relationship, given the significant incompatibilities between the two parties. It would be more beneficial to move on from the past than to compromise one's personal values. It is recommended to act in accordance with one's own preferences.

That concludes my remarks. I hope you will listen to your inner voice and act in accordance with your own desires.

I hope that tomorrow will bring a better outcome.

From what you've told us, it seems you've entered into a false romantic relationship and are deeply involved, unable to extricate yourself. To solve your problem, we need to start with two things: first, we need to identify the problem with this romantic relationship.

The second thing is how to start a new romantic life.

First, let's talk about what a normal romantic relationship looks like.

Love is a two-way street. A normal relationship is a give-and-take between two people who care about and depend on each other.

As you mentioned,

"I've fallen for a guy. We met through a matchmaking service and communicated mainly online for various reasons, so we only met in person a few times, but I did meet all his friends.

At first, you had a bit of a crush on him, but then he would suddenly disappear, as if he had evaporated into thin air, and then return as if nothing had happened.

He can just disappear without a trace, ignore you, and act like nothing happened when he returns. This is enough to prove that he doesn't even have the most basic respect for you.

In a normal romantic relationship, the other person should tell you where they're going, what they're doing, and when they'll be back before they leave you for a while. If they don't, and they suddenly disappear, and when they return they don't even have an explanation, it can only mean one thing: they don't have you in their heart.

Second, being in love should be full of happiness and anticipation.

Starting a normal romantic relationship can also make people feel really fulfilled mentally and full of anticipation for the future. When the two of them are communicating or just when one of them thinks of the other, they'll feel a deep sense of sweetness and happiness.

From what you've said, it's clear that every time you think of him, you feel uneasy and fearful, and there are also feelings of entanglement and pain.

"I'm a pretty easy-going person, and I've always had great people skills. This is the first time I've encountered this situation. As soon as he disappeared, I started to worry and kept thinking about whether I'd done something wrong.

When I asked him why, he said he was busy or didn't feel like typing those days. The excuses were ridiculous, or he just didn't respond at all. I was curious about why he was like that, so I followed him on various social media apps.

He's got a bit of a narcissistic streak and is very good at being himself. I admire him, and I may hope deep down that I am like him. But I know that his avoidance will drive me crazy. I keep trying to let him go, but I just can't. I always check to see if he has updated his status, and I always want to ask him for clarification, but every time I communicate with him, it's like a bucket of cold water being poured on me.

"I feel a bit sick."

Given the above, it's clear that if you and he are considered a couple, it's an abnormal romantic relationship. He makes you suffer and lose yourself. So why maintain this relationship and make yourself suffer?

You deserve better. Don't let your feelings for him make you feel inferior.

Next, we'll talk about the second point, which is how to welcome a new relationship.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're a pretty attractive girl, and your situation shouldn't be too bad. As you said:

"As a matter of fact, I have a lot of competition. Some of the other guys are really good at communicating and mature, but I just can't let go of him. I'm really distressed.

It's been a year and a half, and I don't know why I can't let go of someone who has never shown me any care or concern, and who I have only seen a few times.

1. How do you move on from the past?

At the end of the day, you know there's no future with him. And you also know he doesn't love you.

It could be that there are so many people after you. You might feel that you're pretty good at what you do.

So, you think that if you put in the effort, he'll pursue you like everyone else.

You're reluctant to admit defeat because you have many suitors, but he's different. You feel like if you can't win him over, it'll be a personal failure.

Your subconscious mind makes you reluctant to let go and keeps you trying to win him over. But you need to understand that if he has feelings for you, he should have shown you the care and concern you deserve by now.

After all this time, if he hasn't expressed his love for you, it's safe to say he doesn't care about you.

It's important to understand that a relationship won't make someone else's heart flutter just because the other person has excellent conditions. Relationships are formed by fate, so if the other person doesn't have feelings for you and doesn't care about you, it's not worth wasting time on him and making yourself suffer.

If you understand this, you can move on from the past. You already know the real reason why you can't let go. It's not because you love her more or because you think he's a better match for you. It's more of a reluctant decision.

2. Open your heart and find the one who's truly right for you.

?1. Look for ways to create more opportunities for yourself in the workplace.

Connect with more people in your field. Use your professional network to open doors for yourself.

2. Figure out what you want.

Post more updates on virtual social media apps that reflect your interests. This will attract people who have similar interests to yours.

3. Get to know your friends and family better.

By sharing what you're looking for in a romantic partner, you'll get help from others to keep an eye out for you. They can introduce you to people and create more opportunities for you to meet potential partners.

In short, there's no need to be too persistent on the road to love. When your efforts aren't rewarded, it's time to move on and find your own happiness, rather than staying in a relationship you're unhappy in.

I hope you can get out of this emotional situation as soon as possible and start a new relationship!