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The person I like is a reflection of my inner self, is it the "totem" within me that I love?

depression love intimate relationships self-awareness psychological counseling
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The person I like is a reflection of my inner self, is it the totem within me that I love? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

After ten years of depression, I had to face some things, including intimate relationships and love.

My concept of love: love has no age or status. I love, yearn for, admire, and respect love.

Let me give you two examples. For example, Yang Guo and Xiao Longnu (the two broke up and got back together four times, and Yang Guo waited for Xiao Longnu for 16 years). Another example is a French lady named Lidanai. His first love wanted to go home and get married, which was an arranged marriage. Since then, she has been single for 55 years, until she was 80 years old, the two got married and spent ten years together.

But I myself, at the beginning, fell in love with my teacher. Later, as I grew up (I understood this through psychological counseling), I discovered that I didn't really love her. I just lacked a sense of security and maternal love. After I understood this, I wouldn't do these things again because of loneliness or a lack of security, because it really doesn't make sense. Slowly, I discovered something: the person I once liked, or the person I have a crush on now, I project the appearance of the person I like onto her, but this is not love. I describe myself: what I love is the totem within me.

I get affected by the every move of the person I like, and it's painful to pay so much attention to them! For example, talking, or the WeChat step counter. How do I solve this problem and not make myself so miserable? Please give me some pointers!

Denise Denise A total of 5573 people have been helped

Hello.

I see your distress and I know your emotions are rising. You have a great perception of love. Love knows no age or race. It's not bad to be influenced by someone who is liked by others. You envy this state of life. You can become such a person.

Everything has two sides, depending on how you look at it.

I'm a star-struck girl, and I know exactly how you feel when you can't help but want to pay attention to someone. I feel the same way. If I'm not careful, I can spend all my time watching Fan Zhen Dong on Weibo Super Talk. What I understand is that everyone who can attract us has a trait that we lack or want to have.

What is it about you that attracts him? It's got to be your appearance, your temperament, your abilities, or your state of being.

This person will give you strength and good feelings. It's a good thing to be influenced!

Fan Zhen Dong said today that he hopes everyone can, like him, keep a clear head, get rid of anxiety, live in the present, and forge ahead. His attitude towards life is something I admire, and I'm confident that anyone can achieve this.

You have to deserve the person you want to have. That's the best way.

You only realize that all your likes and loves can bring you strength when you grow up. There's no doubt about it: likes and loves are beautiful things that bring warmth and strength to a person.

Don't waste your energy liking someone you don't even like. Try spending a day or a month with them and see if it's for you. Or just praise them.

You are great, and so are you. With hard work, you can live out the state you like.

You can integrate the other person into your life, too.

Fan Zhen Dong loves egg pancakes, but I quickly realized that they weren't for me. He has many other good qualities!

You are very clear-headed, have a high emotional intelligence, and are very flexible. I am just stupid and clumsy. I am going to work hard in this direction, reading and exercising every day. I am going to become a better person than him.

I can't influence anyone. But because I like him, I've become a better person.

This is about bringing the greatest meaning to people. You can also slowly list the things you pay attention to and care about in the other person, and work hard little by little to gradually integrate the other person into your life.

Come on. I believe in you.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. The world and I love you!

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Kenneth Brian Howard Kenneth Brian Howard A total of 5186 people have been helped

I am Gu Yi, and I am characterized by modesty and unassuming demeanor.

Your description evokes the novel Love in the Time of Cholera, which I advise you to read if circumstances permit.

The individual whom one is romantically interested in is, in essence, a projection of one's own self.

The individual in question possesses certain characteristics that initially attract the subject, but over time, it becomes evident that these traits are merely a reflection of the subject's own inner feelings. This realization often leads to confusion and the perception of an enigmatic aspect to the relationship. Therefore, it is essential to first examine one's own emotional and psychological state. Do the individuals who have elicited a positive emotional response over time share any common traits?

The emotional needs of humans are often closely related to their upbringing. Childhood experiences shape an individual's initial emotional needs. Some individuals are fortunate enough to heal their emotional wounds from childhood throughout their lifetime, while others are less fortunate and must spend their entire lives attempting to heal the emotional damage caused by their upbringing. In this process of healing and being healed, individuals are simply attempting to fulfill unmet emotional needs. It is important to recognize that most individuals, like you, are ultimately searching for a more fulfilling spiritual home.

This process allows us to gain insight into the psychological underpinnings of our attraction to another person. Our interest in the other person's characteristics is driven by our own psychological needs and desires. As a result, we tend to idealize the other person, perceiving their attributes as both appealing and attractive, as well as potentially desirable or unappealing.

How might one resolve the issue of excessive concern?

For an individual who has developed an affinity for another person, it is common for them to observe and analyze the other person's actions and behaviors. This inclination to closely monitor and assess the other person's actions is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in the context of romantic relationships. It is a natural aspect of the attraction and infatuation that often precedes the formation of romantic attachments. It is important to note that this behavior is not exclusive to individuals in the early stages of romantic relationships. It is a phenomenon that can be observed in individuals across the spectrum of romantic involvement, from casual acquaintances to long-term partners. However, it is crucial to exercise caution and avoid becoming overly invested in this behavior, as it can potentially lead to negative outcomes.

It is therefore necessary to consider how one might achieve this balance. This is a more challenging task. Humans are social creatures and emotional beings, and they are susceptible to manipulation. However, because one should not be held back, one should adopt a more rational approach to relationships and allow time for them to develop. It is important to understand that the WeChat sports one is currently interested in, and some of the minor details of the other person's life, will gradually become known as one gets to know each other better. Therefore, one should not be in a hurry.

It is essential to maintain control over the pace of the relationship and to allow sufficient time for both partners to become acquainted with one another. This process is necessary for the optimal enjoyment of the relationship. In addition to patience, a positive outlook, a constructive attitude, and a sense of ritual in relationships are also crucial.

It is recommended that you attempt to adjust your focus in order to more effectively arrange your work life and emotions. Furthermore, it would be beneficial for you to attempt to accept more facets of yourself, with the goal of better maintaining long-term curiosity.

The capacity for two individuals to maintain a long-term relationship is contingent upon the presence of mutual attraction.

I wish you the best of success.

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Jonah Elijah Holmes Jonah Elijah Holmes A total of 4582 people have been helped

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question.

First of all, I'd like to congratulate the questioner. It's great to hear that they've recovered from ten years of depression and are now working and living normally again. It's understandable that, after going through depression, they might be unsure about how to approach intimate relationships and love.

It can even be painful to feel affected because you're paying attention to someone you like.

Give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and some encouragement. Regardless of what caused the questioner's pain and regardless of what feelings the pain brings to him, we must accept that pain is a part of our lives.

Make some positive changes to help you feel better and then move on from the pain.

Since the question was posted, I can only offer a few simple suggestions in response:

It's important to accept pain.

Be honest with yourself about what's causing you pain. Is it because you're paying too much attention to what you like, being influenced by it, and losing yourself?

Or do you want to be yourself but feel like you lack the strength? Whatever the case may be, we have to accept that we're susceptible to influence. Admitting our own suffering can help the questioner recover and move on.

When you're in pain, take a deep breath and just focus on how you feel. Don't think about anything else, and don't make any judgments or analyses. For example, you might think, "I feel annoyed or painful because I pay too much attention to the number of steps in WeChat and I'm not as good as others."

"Talk about your feelings so you can distinguish them from your own nature. Remind yourself that how you feel doesn't define you. These negative emotions don't make you a bad person or a failure, and they don't diminish your humanity. They're just a habitual thought after depression has healed.

It's important not to suppress your feelings or deny them, or you'll just get caught up in a whirlpool of emotions.

It's okay to experience negative emotions.

Even after you've recovered from depression, you might still have a way to go. When you're faced with things that are beyond your ability, negative emotions are bound to arise. Pain, sadness, depression, confusion, or anger might pop up from time to time.

It's important to remember that this is all normal. You've recovered from depression, and it's normal to have some ups and downs. Don't expect to be completely over them after you recover.

These negative emotions can make the subject's mood rise and fall, and they may feel sad, angry, confused, and desperate. Sometimes they may even become addicted to the negative emotions they are feeling. If the subject feels that these painful negative emotions have seriously affected their daily work and study, they should get in touch with a psychologist or counselor, tell them about their current state, and undergo some psychological intervention.

Sometimes, sad and painful things happen that you just can't predict. They can suddenly affect you and make it impossible to get out of it. They can even force you to do certain things.

Be kind to yourself.

Don't be too hard on yourself for negative emotions like pain. See it as a learning experience.

Next, tell yourself, "I forgive myself for ______." Look in the mirror and say it out loud.

Look yourself in the eye and say you're sorry. Don't put yourself down or make fun of yourself.

Be grateful for the good things in life. Remember, there's nothing wrong with you. We all have our own limitations, and all we can do is our best. Look on the bright side, get involved in more activities you enjoy, and be grateful for every encounter in life and for the beauty of life.

If you have the time, you can take a notebook and record all the good things that happen in your life. Over time, you may find that you have many things to be happy about and be grateful for. For example, you can record that you had a nice cup of tea today or watched a good movie.

Let's talk about your concerns.

If you're feeling down, it might be because of something you've done or something someone else has done. Either way, remember that you can't do this alone.

It's important to find someone you can talk to openly and honestly. You also need to work through your issues with being quiet and unsociable. My advice is to look for a good psychologist or therapist. You can also find great advice on online forums. I'm confident that you'll see a positive change in your outlook.

Be okay with who you are.

Do more of the things you enjoy and find your life's purpose in what you love. Accept yourself after you've recovered from depression, and when you're feeling down, you can do things that make you happy.

Treat yourself to something sweet and you'll feel happier. It's a simple fact that eating something sweet makes you feel good. But remember, it's important to make yourself happy without hurting others.

Don't let negative emotions take over your life.

No matter what we liked in the past, it was all about who we were then. The current poster is a brand new poster. Look after yourself, speak up about your feelings, set good personal boundaries, and believe that the poster will come out of this state of indulging in pain.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question. I also hope they can get over these painful emotions quickly and start enjoying a happier life again.

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Ursus Phillips Ursus Phillips A total of 8230 people have been helped

Good morning, Thank you for inviting me. I am Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I hope to provide you with some valuable support.

I would like to begin by congratulating you on your recovery from years of depression. It is evident that you have gained a great deal of personal growth and enrichment. You are to be commended for your resilience and positive outlook.

If you can maintain focus on the present, you can anticipate future opportunities for a fulfilling and joyful relationship.

In the initial stages of romantic interest, a person's positive or negative emotional expressions can evoke a strong emotional response. Despite the emotional immaturity and incomprehensibility of these feelings when viewed through the lens of the present,

The majority of individuals experience their first love as an enduring source of joy, despite the potential for the object of their affection to lack tangible reality or be difficult to comprehend.

Perhaps you lack the courage to express it, but that moment evokes a fluttering heart and a sense of happiness. First love is pure and wonderful.

You have the option of either maintaining the positive feelings or allowing them to dissipate.

As we have matured, it is essential to confront and cultivate the present.

Secondly, the topic of being influenced by someone you like is pertinent to the current stage of life.

According to Erikson's psychosocial development theory, the period between the ages of 20 and 40 represents the sixth stage of life, which is the intimacy vs. isolation stage.

In our early adulthood, we gradually gain insight into our identity. We begin to disengage from the relationships formed in our early years to align with the group.

We inquire as to our capacity to love another individual. Should we be able to make a long-term commitment, we experience a sense of confidence and happiness.

In the absence of an intimate relationship, feelings of isolation and loneliness may arise.

Friends or partners play an important role in our development at this stage.

According to our own upbringing and the influence of literature on us, we will have some understanding of love. It is understood that everyone's love has its own unique and beautiful qualities that make our hearts flutter, full of sweetness and romance, and let us experience the taste of happiness.

As previously stated by the instructor, love also has its own set of rules and characteristics, including passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Fortunately, through courses and articles, we can gain a deeper understanding of love and enhance our capacity to love and be loved.

In regard to the influence of a person you are interested in, it can be considered separately. The aspect that compels you to observe every action of the individual in question is undoubtedly a positive influence. However, there may also be a negative influence, such as feelings of distress caused by an emotional response that is not beneficial.

By way of illustration, the positive effect of the individual in question's WeChat exercise is as follows: the individual in question is perceived as loving life and as being cute.

The other issue is that excessive, uncontrollable attention can result in a sense of loss.

Ultimately, how can we more effectively establish and maintain a positive and fulfilling intimate relationship without experiencing undue stress or distress?

The appeal of love is that it encourages us to fully commit to our partners, so it is important to allow yourself to experience the positive aspects of a relationship while also addressing any challenges that may arise.

It is important to understand what qualities are most attractive to you and what you want your love and marriage to be like.

It is essential to embrace self-acceptance and align one's inner feelings and needs with external expectations. This is a fundamental aspect of all relationships, as it ensures a foundation of self-care and self-growth.

It is only when we have a full appreciation of ourselves that we can provide the foundation for a healthy relationship.

To foster positive interpersonal relationships and effective communication, it is essential to learn to share and express. The author of "The Art of Communication" emphasizes the importance of adjusting oneself, expressing oneself reasonably, and establishing relationships.

This book is also divided into three sections, each of which addresses a key aspect of relationship management:

? Focus on self-awareness and an understanding of one's own role, perceptions, and emotions in communication.

The next step is to consider factors related to the other person, including language, non-verbal communication, and active listening.

In examining interpersonal dynamics, the primary focus is on the relationship between individuals. Rather than fixating on specific actions, attention is directed towards the relationship itself, the communication environment, and potential areas of conflict.

To establish a positive and productive intimate relationship, it is essential to cultivate an attitude of understanding, sincerity, equality, and respect.

Furthermore, there is a shared direction and objective for both parties, along with the flexibility for each to pursue their individual interests.

Reading can provide the opportunity to develop independent thinking skills, enhance emotional well-being, and enhance one's ability to enjoy love and life.

It is recommended that you read some psychology books on personal growth and romantic relationships.

For example, we would suggest the following books: "If Only I Knew Before Marriage," "The Art of Communication," and "Intimacy, the Key to a Soul Mate."

I extend my best wishes to you and hope to be of assistance.

As a heart exploration coach at Yixinli, I am available for one-on-one communication via the "Find a coach" option in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page.

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Hal Hal A total of 4690 people have been helped

Hello! I'd like to extend a gesture of support and encouragement from afar.

I admire your awareness of your emotional projection. I believe that this is an important first step towards positive change.

Indeed, as you have noticed, you are not alone. It is likely that many people will have similar emotional projections as you have described. This is because appropriate projection is a manifestation of a person's gradual maturity and improvement in self-function. Projection is one of the self-defense mechanisms described by Freud. It can assist the self in better reconciling the conflicts between the id and superego in appropriate situations, so that the emotional state and behavioral patterns of the individual can better adapt to the needs of the situation.

It may be helpful to accept and allow yourself a certain degree of internal emotional projection. This is not necessarily a sign of emotional immaturity, but rather a natural need for self-care and self-defense. As long as your emotional projection does not have a negative impact on your own life or the lives of others, there is no need to worry too much about it.

If you feel that your emotional projection has caused you to lose focus and hindered your ability to fully engage with life, work, and study, it might be helpful to consider making some adjustments to ensure this projection has a positive and guiding effect on you.

For instance, if you find that the qualities you admire in your idol are those you have suppressed and hidden for various reasons during your growth, you might consider cultivating and developing this part of yourself through your own efforts. If this part is indeed something you lack and are not good at, and even through your efforts you cannot achieve the results you expect, it might be helpful to approach it with openness and acceptance, without denying, criticizing, or belittling yourself because of it.

It could be said that every idol you admire is actually someone who has the courage to face themselves honestly and be themselves. There may also always be an "other" within you. How might you better find that "other" within yourself?

First, it is important to accept yourself completely, both appreciating the bright spots and strengths in yourself, but also being able to accept your shortcomings and inadequacies with an open mind. It is crucial to understand that shortcomings and inadequacies do not define you as a person, but rather indicate areas where you may require further development. Everyone has limitations in their abilities, and it is natural to have strengths and weaknesses.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to try and experience more, which could involve cultivating some passions and interests for yourself. As you gain more control over your life, you may find that your confidence grows. This could allow you to gradually discover what your true passions and strengths are, and nourish yourself with the achievements of your passions and strengths.

It would be beneficial to learn to better experience, perceive, feel, and respond to your emotions and feelings. One way to do this is to keep a mood journal to record your emotional state in a timely manner. You could also try deep breathing, meditation, and other methods to better experience, feel, and perceive your emotions.

You might also consider expressing your emotions to your close family and friends, who may be able to provide you with strong support, acceptance, listening, and companionship.

It is my hope that my sharing will provide you with the support and help you need.

I would like to extend my love and support to you and the world.

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Rebecca Rebecca A total of 3704 people have been helped

You start paying attention to every little thing the person you like does, like talking or using WeChat. These subtle attentions show how much effort you've put into the other person. But you also have to fight against the voice of love in your heart: I love the inner totem, and the person I like is the idea I've projected in my heart.

These thoughts and uncontrollable behaviors that constantly pop up in the heart affect the mood of the questioner. Hopefully, the following sharing can help alleviate the pain to some extent:

1. When you combine romantic ideas about love with the reality of love in the real world, it's still possible to stay romantic and grounded.

The questioner's concept of love seems really pure and passionate:

It doesn't matter how old you are or what your status is.

This is an emotion that isn't affected by anything outside of ourselves. With such a pure and beautiful love, the questioner has also experienced falling in love with their teacher on their own life journey, and then understanding that this "love" of theirs is based on a lack of security and a need for maternal love.

We also understand that projection is a natural part of liking and loving someone.

It's true that when we admire someone's heart, we tend to project our own feelings onto them. And when we first get to know someone, it's often because we have a feeling that they're someone special, and we want to get to know them better.

So, there's nothing to be afraid of when it comes to projection. It's actually the foundation for building a relationship. The key is to be able to face your own projections head-on and not let them cloud your judgement.

As you get to know someone better, you'll start to see their true colors. You get to decide whether you're ready to accept this and how much you're willing to accept.

Your concept of love meets reality. On the one hand, you can see the role played by projection in the middle, which is a state of lucid existence; on the other hand, you also give yourself the opportunity. Hormones like dopamine and endorphins are secreted in love, and they come from the brain's nerves.

Your concept of love meets reality. On the one hand, you can see the role played by projection in the middle, which is a state of lucid existence; on the other hand, you also give yourself a chance. Hormones like dopamine and endorphins are secreted in love because of brain nerve activity. Love is called love because it's irrational.

When we see the two sides of love, we can feel much more relaxed.

Second, it's important to understand the psychological needs behind the attention and use a more relaxed approach to achieve satisfaction.

2. Get to grips with the psychological needs behind the attention and use a more relaxed approach to achieve satisfaction.

It's pretty normal to pay attention to every smile and every move of the person you like. It's a way of trying to understand them better and figure out how the relationship works.

Given all this curiosity and expectation, you might also try other ways to help yourself not to be overly concerned and saddened, while also increasing your understanding of each other, promoting the progress of the relationship, and gaining a clearer understanding of the possible direction of the relationship, such as interacting more with each other instead of unilateral attention.

Love deepens through understanding. From the past messages, it's clear that the questioner is pursuing personal and life goals and is looking to gain more depth.

If you're open to it, you might as well try to use a different approach than before to re-examine and deal with the difficulties in your intimate relationship.

I'm not a psychologist who studies human nature. I'm a psychologist who cares about the human heart. Thanks.

I'm a psychologist who doesn't focus on human nature but cares about the human heart. Thanks.

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Beatrice Beatrice A total of 8326 people have been helped

Hello.

I am going to give you some advice.

From your description, it is clear that you have successfully recovered from a decade-long bout of depression. You are now ready to address the issue of interpersonal relationships and intimacy, which is mainly reflected in the level of love.

You consider two models of love to be very beautiful.

The first is Yang Guo and Xiao Longnu, who had a happy ending despite splitting up several times. The other is a French woman named Danielle, who married her first love at 80 after 55 years apart. They were still concerned about each other.

You are looking forward to a relationship and hoping to experience beautiful love.

You will find someone with whom you can work through whatever problems you encounter together, no matter what you do or what difficulties you face.

You will end up in a happy marriage, even if you are both very old, as long as you can be together now.

This includes the sense of security and acceptance you seek in a relationship, and the feeling that "if two people are truly in love, they will be together through thick and thin."

As you said, you once liked a teacher. As you grew up, you analyzed that you just lacked maternal love and a sense of security. You wanted to be with her because you thought that's what you needed, but you were wrong. It wasn't true love. It was just an emotion similar to dependence.

You must ask yourself: how do you define love? This is a question you need to think about.

Love is two people with different souls and different wisdoms colliding with each other. It's that simple. The two people attract each other, feel that they understand each other very well, have a sense of mutual admiration, and after getting to know each other, they develop this beautiful emotion of being heartbroken.

You might say, "I've fantasized about an ideal partner, but there's no such person in real life." Or, "I always apply my logic to my partner, so the love isn't for her true self."

When we get along with another person, it's important to understand that we value them because they're unique with their own character traits and habits.

We admire people we've read about, seen on TV, or learned about in other ways. We want to meet this person we admire. But do they really exist?

We must ask ourselves: can we come into contact with this type of person in real life? The value of getting along with others lies in mutual respect. If we force our ideas on the other person, make them change according to our ideas, or if the other person is simply the way we imagine the person we like, then we are being unfair to the other person.

We must understand that the other person's characteristics and personality are what we need to get to know through spending time together. This is how we will discover her unique qualities.

Give your heart and trust your partner completely, and you will experience a flow of love between you two. This feeling of being overwhelmed by love is inevitable.

When it comes to the kind of person you like and the attitude you choose to look at the person you want to get involved with, you must be rational and objective. You must also be guided by the principles of fairness and respect.

You also said that if you like someone, every move they make will attract a lot of attention. Once attention is drawn, it will cause you pain.

For example, you will have your own thoughts about the way your partner communicates with you, or even about the number of steps they take on WeChat. You will over-analyze and interpret changes in the number of steps or the meaning of what they say.

Similarly, I believe the emotional state you're in reflects a lack of security and a desire to be in complete control of your partner's every move.

The other person's WeChat steps are changing, and she didn't tell you in the morning what she was going to do. This will inevitably make you think a lot.

Another example is the content of the language you use when communicating with her. The other person may not have meant it, but we worry that they are not satisfied with us or doubting our attitude towards them.

In this situation, it is essential to interact with each other frequently, ask questions regularly, and express your true feelings about her actions, words, and opinions.

For example, if you see that her WeChat steps have changed and gone up, you should ask, "I see that your WeChat steps have changed. Did you go out today?" Questions like this are fine.

Don't prematurely define each other's actions. Learn to trust each other. If you don't understand something or think too much about it when you communicate, say so. I feel that a certain sentence of yours means this, and I want to confirm it with you to avoid misunderstandings caused by overthinking.

You should communicate with each other. This will reduce your anxiety and worries. It will make your relationship stronger. You will be able to trust each other better. You will be able to move forward together.

I wish you all the best.

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Julia Julia A total of 546 people have been helped

Hello!

I really want to give you a big hug! I see a soul that is brave enough to question itself, to seek answers, and to find true love. We're a little lost right now, but we'll find our way!

Although many people have searched for what true love is, there is no final unified answer — and isn't that exciting?

Some say that true love means having the same values and being in sync with each other, while others say that true love means complementing each other, with my weaknesses being his strengths. And still others say that to get true love, you have to please his stomach!

It's so great that true love is different for each of us! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with the questioner saying that they love the "totem" in their heart.

But can we find it according to this standard? This is not certain — but it's a great question!

The questioner said that they would be affected by the actions of the person they like, and it is very painful to pay too much attention! I want to solve this problem!

Oh, this I don't understand! Isn't love at the beginning just like this: "I will never regret the gradual wearing thin of my clothes, for I have wasted away from love"?

We love it so much that it hurts, and it's totally normal!

The questioner has a goal, and they're already on their way! All they need to do now is take action!

I have a saying for the questioner that I think is perfect: we need to have an umbrella, not wait for rainy days!

We pay attention to each other's WeChat steps, what they say, everything about them, and it's so great to be able to do that! But do they know?

The answer to the problem is not to keep asking questions, but to start solving it!

You can't learn how to solve your pain from afar — you have to try it yourself!

Inamori Kazuo once said something really inspiring: "Suffering is the greatest wealth in life, and you will only grow through every hardship."

Absolutely! This pain is also an opportunity for the questioner, and it needs to be seized!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner out there! Thanks so much to everyone for your time. I'm Jiusi, on Yixinli, and I love you all!

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Michael Fernandez Michael Fernandez A total of 7419 people have been helped

Your love is valuable, even if the person you fall in love with is your own inner totem.

It's likely not love, but rather a compensation for your lack of security.

From your narrative, it is clear that you have awareness and reflection about yourself. You want to figure out what true love is.

This is a result of one's own upbringing.

To be frank, it's challenging to discern. However, you can discern your own feelings.

When you are with someone, you should feel better about yourself. You should not feel taken care of.

I choose to be with you, not because of you, but because I will become a better version of myself.

The classic love triangle theory is passion, responsibility, and intimacy. Look at it. When someone touches your heart and attracts you, you can be ignited by the passion of life between you and her/him.

Take responsibility for him. Be closer to him.

If all three are present, it's love.

If it isn't, you need to think carefully.

Another thing to consider is that when everyone is looking for their other half, it is easy to look for them in the image of their opposite-sex parent from their early childhood. If their opposite-sex parent from their early childhood formed a positive and good image in their growth process, then it is a natural next step to look for their other half in their original appearance.

If your early years were marked by a negative image of the opposite-sex parent, it's likely you'll seek out the opposite in your romantic partner.

So, let's be clear: love is sometimes really projected from within. What we want is either what we admire or what we lack.

One thing is clear: as long as there is love, it is a valuable help to our growth.

You can only know whether it is your own love or a compensation for a lack of security within yourself when you are in love.

When true love comes, all the thinking in the brain is useless. You know very clearly at that moment that it is your love coming.

The arrival of love never makes sense.

I am certain this will be of help to you. You must remember that the world and I love you.

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Charles Charles A total of 8389 people have been helped

Hello, question asker!

I'm Xiaobai, and I'm here to help. I don't have any worries, and I'm going to help you take away yours.

I have thought about your question carefully, and I want to hug you first.

I have some views and suggestions to offer that I hope will be helpful.

The person I like is a projection of my inner self, and the "totem" I love is my inner self.

As for this question, I can say with confidence that everyone has a different definition of what they like.

I can't give a definitive answer. Sometimes, there's no reason to like someone.

I will be affected by every move of the person I like, and I refuse to pay so much attention! For example, talking, or the number of steps in WeChat exercise, I need to solve this problem and not make myself miserable. Please give me some pointers.

I will pay attention because I like it. I used to be the same. If the person I like changes their profile picture or posts in their circle of friends, I will pay attention to every move they make.

If you really like her, tell her how you feel. What's the worst that could happen?

You will be rejected. Keep trying. There will always be the right person for you.

In the fast-food era, taking your time is a sign of sincerity.

I just lack a sense of security and maternal love. Once I understand all this, I will never do these things again because of loneliness or a lack of security because it really doesn't make sense.

First of all, you understand it and you know the reasons, but in reality, you still can't get over it, right? Forget about these trivial things. You can survive without love.

Love is not all there is to life! Wake up!

Do more meaningful things. Love is about fate. When your time comes, love will be there. Improve yourself.

In summary, these are my views and suggestions, and I am confident they will be of help to you.

I wish you the best!

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Colton Michael Foster Colton Michael Foster A total of 2429 people have been helped

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I have a question for you.

I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts with us. I can relate to some of your experiences. I will share my insights below in the hope that they will be of some assistance to you.

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I once had a long-term interest in a male associate. His presence would often cause me to feel uneasy and constrained, and I would speculate about how he would view me. I was simultaneously nervous and excited by these feelings. I also paid close attention to his professional activities.

Despite my current relationship status, I still have frequent dreams about him. He later discovered my feelings but stated that he did not reciprocate them. He felt that my affection was overly embellished with imagination.

As I grew in all aspects of myself, I noticed a change in my performance in dreams. He was still present in my dreams, but I noticed a shift in my behavior as I gradually let go of my inhibitions and began to embrace my true self.

At the time I was interested in him, I was also experiencing a personal low point. My family and friends did not understand me, and I was also betrayed and alienated by friends. I was hoping for a romantic interest who would save me through the power of love, but I was not aware of these feelings at the time.

If I were to have the opportunity to do it all over again, what course of action would I take?

If history repeats itself, I anticipate that I will remain unchanged.

I would now suggest that an alternative approach might be to attempt to establish a friendship with the individual in question. This could help to alleviate the obsessive nature of the relationship. By recognizing that the individual in question is merely an imagined entity, attempting to gain a deeper understanding of the other person could help to break down the barriers of the imagined relationship and facilitate a return to reality.

I apologize for the lack of content in this message. I am currently unable to devote my attention to writing. However, I would like to express my gratitude for your interest in my work.

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Comments

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Turquoise Jackson Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I can totally relate to your feelings of projecting ideals onto someone you admire. Recognizing this pattern is already a big step forward. It's important to channel that energy into selfgrowth and finding security within yourself.

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Morgan Miller True learning is a journey that never ends, even after formal education.

Understanding that our past experiences shape how we view love and relationships is crucial. It sounds like therapy has helped you gain valuable insights. Focusing on building a secure relationship with yourself can really help in not seeking validation externally.

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Kaleb Jackson Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

It's inspiring how much you've reflected on your concept of love. Maybe it's time to explore what brings you joy independently of others. Engaging in activities that fulfill you can shift the focus from external validation to personal satisfaction.

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Vivienne Jackson All things are easy that are done willingly.

Your journey shows great resilience and selfawareness. Perhaps setting boundaries with people who trigger these intense emotions could be beneficial. Learning to enjoy solitude might also strengthen your sense of selfworth and reduce emotional dependency.

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Geoffrey Anderson The rewards of diligence are like stars in the sky, countless and bright.

You're so right about love transcending age and status. It seems like acknowledging that your previous feelings were based on a need for security marks a turning point. Investing in friendships and community might offer the support you seek without the pressure of romantic involvement.

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