Three months since the breakup, I can't help but remember my ex's comments on me during socializing. How can I get over the shadow?

Hello, question asker.

It's infuriating that he's criticizing me when he did such a terrible job. He's holding a grudge, and it's impossible to deal with.

Our naivety, lack of social skills, and low emotional intelligence may be seen as a disadvantage.

You don't need to be bound by social conventions or consider other people's feelings too much. Make yourself happy! Some people think about it too much and end up being tied down.

Nobody's perfect. Even flaws have good and bad sides.

If you only care about yourself, you may also hurt others. It's important to understand others as well. You learn this in the process of growing up.

My boyfriend did a lot of things wrong, and I was angry. I didn't say anything, but I wanted to yell back.

From your description, it's clear he's a petty and vindictive person who's not as tolerant as you are.

If you attack him, he will attack you back.

You need to learn what is most important in this relationship.

You have every right to say what you are unhappy about. There is no need to keep it bottled up.

This way, the other person will realize the harm they have caused.

When you express yourself, state your needs and requests. The other person will only change after truly understanding, not just accepting your complaints.

You should be happy that you are no longer being harassed since you have already broken up and recognized his true colors.

I hate him because I haven't let go of him yet.

I don't care about his affairs, so I'm not going to mention them.

Time is the best medicine.

Write an emotional diary and write out all your complaints about him.

You've got this!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

From your description, I can discern your inner confusion and helplessness. At the same time, you have a very good ability to perceive this uncomfortable feeling. It's commendable that you are courageous enough to face it head on.

You have indicated that, despite the passage of three months since the dissolution of your relationship with your former partner, you continue to be labelled by him. You have also expressed feelings of discomfort in your personal relationships and a tendency to dwell on this label, regardless of your intentions. Additionally, you have expressed a desire to seek external validation by discussing your former partner with others. You recognise the potential issues with this approach but feel overwhelmed by your emotions and uncertain about how to move forward in a more open and constructive manner. Is this an accurate representation of your situation?

From your description, I can discern a sense of grievance and helplessness. It is also possible that you are experiencing some anger.

Intimate relationships are based on mutual tolerance, support, and encouragement. However, your former partner's labeling of you has influenced you, causing you to feel aggrieved. It may be helpful to give yourself a warm hug.

All problems are opportunities for growth and improvement. We are adept at identifying and resolving our own challenges. Based on your description, I have a few suggestions that I hope will be beneficial.

Firstly, it is important to note that we are the masters of our own emotions and that we have the ability to help others. Secondly, confronting the labels that others give us can be likened to a form of unconscious hypnosis.

We can restore our self-function through positive mental suggestions, meditation practices, and self-talk, thereby increasing our confidence and facilitating the break-free process from uncomfortable emotions.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that everyone has their own emotions, which is to be expected. However, when we encounter emotions that we find uncomfortable, it is also normal to want to express our feelings. Behind every complaint there is an underlying emotion, and it is essential to reconcile with this emotion rather than confront it. When we accept this feeling, the discomfort will gradually dissipate.

When you feel the need to express your discomfort, I advise you to speak with a trusted individual. Communication is a crucial aspect of healing. It is a normal and healthy process to share your emotions with others. Additionally, you can relieve stress and tension by engaging in physical activities such as exercise.

If you are unable to adjust to this uncomfortable situation, you may wish to consider seeking the assistance of a professional counselor. A counselor can utilize their expertise to adjust your perception and facilitate healing, providing the strength and support you need to navigate this challenging situation.

Good day, my name is Jokerev. I can fully empathize with your current situation. Following the dissolution of a relationship, the comments of your former partner and recollections of the past often persist, akin to shadows.

It is important to understand that the past is in the past. It does not define who you are now, and it cannot predict your future.

Firstly, the comments made by former partners, whether positive or negative, were based on their observations and understanding at the time. It is important to recognise that everyone has limitations and that their opinions are not necessarily comprehensive or accurate. You have acknowledged that there is room for improvement in some areas, which is a commendable attitude of self-awareness and growth.

However, it is not necessary to attach these labels to your heart and allow them to impede your self-awareness and development. Your emotional intelligence, maturity, and understanding of human nature can be continuously improved through learning, practice, and reflection. This is not a one-off process; rather, it requires time and experience.

Regarding those persistent memories, it is important to acknowledge and remember them, but more crucially, to gradually let them go. One effective approach is mindfulness meditation. When thoughts tend to drift back to the past, gently remind yourself to return to the present and focus on the people and things in front of you.

Furthermore, you can allocate your resources to activities and relationships that enhance your quality of life. This will provide a diversion and reduce the frequency of dwelling on the past.

Regarding the urge to vent about your former romantic partner, this is a kind of emotional release, and it's acceptable to vent in moderation. However, excessive immersion in it is not conducive to your own recovery. Instead, try to change your perspective and see the experience as a kind of tempering. This has taught you how to better understand yourself and others, and also made you more clear about what kind of partner and relationship you want in the future.

Each individual is a unique entity, shaped by their experiences. Our past selves are only a part of that, and they cannot determine our overall future. To shape a positive future, it is essential to accept our past selves, embrace the changes in the present, and take control of our future.

As the saying goes, "All the events of yesterday have shaped me into the person I am today; don't dwell on it, and don't be sad." The shadows of the past will eventually dissipate.

I am confident that you can emerge from this challenging period and embrace a brighter future.

Dear friend, I get it. Breakups are tough. The emotions are often complex and difficult to calm down. It's normal to have feelings of self-doubt in social situations and to constantly remember past unhappy experiences.

The comments your ex made, as well as your concerns about your social skills, are challenges that many people face after a breakup.

Your ex's comments don't define who you are. We all have room to grow and change, including you.

These labels are based on how they felt at the time and don't define you as a whole. There's a concept in psychology called "cognitive restructuring," which is about changing our negative thinking patterns so we can change our emotions and behaviors.

Everyone goes through a process of self-reflection and growth after a breakup. The labels your ex-partner has put on you and your concerns about social situations are all signs of inner unrest and self-doubt, but they can also be chances for self-improvement.

You can think of these comments as things that can help you grow, rather than as labels that define you. You can try writing down these negative self-labels and then looking at each one to see if it's justified. Then you can replace them with more positive self-descriptions.

As for those involuntary thoughts of the past you mentioned, this is just your brain trying to process and integrate those experiences. It's a complex process, so don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time and space to adapt to these changes.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time and space to adapt to these changes.

Secondly, the anger and urge to vent you mentioned when thinking about your ex is a normal emotional release process. "Emotional regulation" is about expressing and regulating emotions in a reasonable way.

We can look for ways to express these emotions in a healthy way, such as keeping a diary, talking to friends, or doing some physical activity.

You might want to try some new social activities, which could help you build a new social circle and boost your self-confidence. As you focus on personal growth and new experiences, you may find yourself gradually moving away from the shadows of the past.

If you're struggling to cope with these emotions on your own, or if they're starting to affect your daily life, it's a good idea to seek support. Talking about your feelings with friends and family can be really helpful in providing support and a different perspective, which can help you understand your emotions better.

Time is the best healer. Give yourself some space and time, and you'll find you're stronger and more confident in no time.

Good day, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

I am pleased to be able to answer your question. You asked, "It has been three months since we ended our relationship, but when I am in social situations, I find myself thinking about what my former partner said about me. How can I move on from this?" I would like to discuss your problem with you.

1. Introduction

1. Impact

You inquire as to the best method for removing the negative impact of your former partner's comments.

"My former partner identified me as lacking in social skills and emotional intelligence. I am aware that I have not demonstrated these abilities to a satisfactory level."

"However, it has been three months since the dissolution of our relationship, and I find myself continually reflecting on the comments made by my former partner, regardless of my performance in social situations. This is a challenging aspect of my recovery process."

Tags:

Your former partner has labeled you as someone who lacks understanding of human nature, is immature, and has low emotional intelligence. Given that this assessment was made by your former partner, it has caused you distress.

The impact of these remarks is significant.

Despite being aware of your shortcomings, they do not significantly impact your social interactions. However, following your ex-partner's remarks, you find yourself contemplating them during social gatherings. You tend to dwell on these thoughts and have concerns.

2. Memories

You stated, "Another issue is that I am unable to move on from the details of our time together, particularly the things I tolerated at the time. However, upon reflection, I recognize that the other person engaged in some regrettable actions, and I find myself wanting to discuss them. I am aware that this is not productive, and I should let it go. However, I am struggling to do so. How can I overcome these residual effects of the relationship?"

Memories

You reflect on the past. On numerous occasions, you have endured the other person's unreasonable conduct. You have also observed that the other person is not without flaws and can be somewhat overbearing. Consequently, you seek to release some of your pent-up frustration.

Rational

You are more mature and reasonable than the other person, and you refrained from criticizing their shortcomings. However, it is challenging to suppress your feelings, and you desire to move on from the past. You are unsure of the best course of action.

2. Identify the reasons for your inability to let go.

1. Care

Caring about the situation is an understandable emotion, but it is important to recognize that dwelling on past events is unproductive.

Caring is defined as paying attention to, being mindful of, and valuing something or someone. It emphasizes attention to detail and emotional care for others.

Cares

It is evident that the questioner is still preoccupied with the notion of the ex-boyfriend, which indicates a tendency to prioritize external perceptions over one's intrinsic value. This raises the question: What is the perception of the individual in question?

2⃣️, due to personality

From the questioner's introduction, I can see that the questioner is actually a little more mature than the other person. Instead of reacting impulsively, he is taking the time to consider how to move forward and overcome his current challenges. I can see your style of doing things and your kind side, and I believe you are a person who is generally liked and well-regarded.

The individual in question displays a calm personality.

A pleasing personality is one that blindly pleases others without regard for one's own feelings. This is an unhealthy state of mind. The essence of pleasing others is that others are more important than oneself. In order to feel safe and loved, one must prioritize the comfort of others.

The former romantic partner may also exhibit capricious behavior, including accusations of undue attention to their needs and disregard for your own.

A person with a depressive personality may exhibit the following behaviors:

An individual with a depressive personality may exhibit the following characteristics:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and driven to pursue truth, goodness, and beauty.

Strengths: highly sensitive, loyal, talented, and perceptive.

Weaknesses: - Lack of flexibility and openness to new ideas - Difficulty making decisions - Self-centeredness - Pessimism - Passivity

You are a sensitive person and also a perfectionist. It is possible that your former partner shared these traits.

As a result, you are unable to move on from past issues.

3⃣, Projection effect

Projection effect

The projection effect refers to the tendency to attribute one's own characteristics to others. This is based on the assumption that one possesses a certain characteristic and that others must also have the same characteristic. It also involves projecting and imposing one's own emotions, will, and characteristics on others.

This is a recurring issue.

The questioner stated that while your former partner was labeling you, you recalled the past and discovered that your former partner was also a very headstrong person. You were trying your best to tolerate her, which indicates that when she labeled you, she was actually projecting her own intolerance onto you. This suggests that you are similar in many ways.

As a result, you find yourself unable to forgive yourself and continue to complain about her, unable to move on.

3. Recommendations

1. Understand yourself.

It is essential to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

Gaining an understanding of oneself is a complex process that involves an in-depth analysis of one's personality, interests, strengths and weaknesses, areas of expertise, and abilities. It is not merely about recognizing one's superficial characteristics; it also entails a comprehensive examination of one's inner self to comprehend one's own patterns of behavior, thoughts, and emotional responses.

Maintain your personal identity.

We are self-aware, so we are not concerned with the opinions of others or the prevailing trends. You have the autonomy to make your own decisions.

Furthermore, it is important to avoid allowing the opinions of others to negatively impact your emotional state.

2. Identify the core issue.

It is essential to grasp the core issue at hand.

It is evident that our current emotional state is influenced by a projection effect. Our inability to forgive ourselves for perceived shortcomings leads to a projection effect, resulting in a tendency to hold grudges against others. This is the underlying reason for our inability to move forward.

Embrace your personal attributes.

The most straightforward method for resolving psychological projections is to learn to accept one's own strengths and weaknesses. This involves avoiding dwelling on existing problems and projecting onto others. By doing so, individuals can live a more carefree life, free from the influence of external comments and issues.

3⃣, Saying Goodbye to the Past

It is important to move on from the past.

It is not a challenging process to move on from the past. The first step is to allow yourself a period of time to recall memories. It is important to remember that people are not emotionless.

It is important to note that emotions cannot be cut off directly. This is a process that requires time and effort. Secondly, seeking professional assistance or utilizing the empty chair technique can be effective in facilitating the process of moving on from the past.

The following method is recommended for implementation:

You may utilize self-dialogue or external dialogue to convey your sentiments and expectations regarding the dissolution of the relationship. This can be expressed in either self-dialogue or external dialogue.

This process resolves psychological issues related to an inability to let go, allows you to cease dwelling on the past, and enables you to effectively engage with your future.

To understand ourselves is to be ourselves, free from the influence of others. By identifying the reasons for our inability to let go at this time, we can take the necessary steps to move forward, leave the past behind, and begin anew.

I hope you find these thoughts on your question helpful.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish the questioner a happy life.

Hello, my dear friend. I can see that the former labeler's evaluation has had a bit of a negative effect on your self-confidence and self-identity. It's understandable that you've been thinking about what he said and "examining" your performance during social interactions.

It's totally normal to feel frustrated and angry about things that happened in your past relationship. These feelings are coming back to the surface now, and it's important to release this accumulated stress.

It's totally normal to feel a loss when a close relationship ends. It can even be the first major loss you've experienced in your life! We often have to go through a long period of time before we really come to terms with it. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup, it can lead to self-doubt. You might think you weren't good enough, that you did something wrong that led to the breakup, or that you just chose the wrong person or the wrong path.

It's totally normal to think about these things again and again and to feel emotional swings until you really accept that the relationship is over.

It also seems like your ex-partner has been a bit negative and suppressive towards you, which is totally normal! When we're in a relationship, we might hide and suppress our own discomfort, or "rationalize" the other person's actions (like he said that for my own good).

After a breakup, it's totally normal for previously suppressed aspects of your personality to resurface. This can be a good thing because it allows you to see your own grievances and anger more clearly. It's important to acknowledge these emotions and deal with them in a healthy way.

Letting go doesn't mean forgetting or disappearing. It means facing it with an open mind and no longer doubting or denying yourself because of it. You can allow yourself to release your emotions, vent to friends, or keep a mood diary for yourself. You can even write a letter to your ex that you won't send!

Regarding your ex's comments, it's important to remember that his opinion doesn't define who you are. It's just his subjective perspective. We also know that power struggles and control issues are common in intimate relationships. Sometimes, partners might belittle or suppress each other while trying to gain control.

So, it's really important to have your own independent perception of yourself, one that isn't dependent on the judgment of others. You can try to record your knowledge of yourself, especially your thoughts, attempts, and changes from the perspective of growth and development.

All experiences and interactions with other people can be a source of learning and experience, including painful memories. I know it can feel like these pains are long lasting, but I promise you they will eventually pass. They'll help you understand yourself better, and that's a good thing!

Hello! I'm Coach Yu, and I'd love to chat with you about this topic.

First of all, it's important to remember that the past will always affect the present. As the questioner wrote, it has been three months since the breakup, and no matter what I do socially now, I will always think about what my ex said about me. It's totally normal to feel this way, and it's really difficult.

Let's ask ourselves some questions. What kind of situation was it when my ex-partner said I was childish? How did I feel in that moment? What kind of situation was it when my ex-partner said I didn't know the ways of the world? How did I feel in that moment?

I'd love to know more about what happened when my ex said I had low emotional intelligence. How did I feel in that situation?

We can also ask ourselves, if we were to express our uncomfortable feelings at the moment, what would he or she say to us? It's always good to be aware of how others might respond to our feelings.

In life, we may sometimes think that the bad qualities and behaviors we see in others aren't really our own. This can help us feel less uneasy and anxious, and achieve a state of psychological balance. This is called "projection" in psychology, which means using others as a "scapegoat."

As the questioner said, usually, they will inadvertently think of the details of their previous interactions, feel that the other person really did something bad, and even want to rant and rave. This may be a way of attributing their own attributes to others, in order to relieve their anxiety.

It can be tricky to realize what we're perceiving as being projected onto others. Many folks are reluctant to admit it, which is totally understandable! The questioner is able to perceive this, which is great, but it can be challenging to do it well.

It can be really helpful to try to observe what we project and make some notes. For example, we could think about what specific points in the past have made us tolerate certain things. We could also think about what things we find bad.

This will help you see yourself in a new light and get to know yourself better, which is always a good thing!

We can also try to have an open and honest conversation with our ex. It's a great way to release some pent-up emotions and say goodbye to the past. We can express our thoughts and feelings, and listen to his feelings about our time together.

Next, we need to rebuild meaning, which means finding new meaning in the end of the relationship.

It's always good to ask ourselves, "Have there been any unexpected gains after the breakup? If so, what are they?"

It's also a good idea to think about whether the breakup has changed how you feel about love and values.

We can also ask ourselves, "Has my view of myself changed in any way? Have I had any revelations about myself?"

It's so important to give ourselves permission to let go sometimes, to accept things slowly and say goodbye. We have to respect the rhythm of our own emotions.

When we're feeling down in the dumps, we can ask ourselves, "What does this remind me of? It's not true!"

When we start to accept our emotions and let them flow, we'll find it much easier to avoid acting out due to emotional repression.

We can also seek help because this thing is bothering you, and it's okay to admit that it's not easy to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel it is necessary, you can also find a counselor or a support group because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It's also important to relax. On weekends, go for a walk, listen to the sound of frogs in the rice fields, smell the birdsong and flowers, and keep your mood happy. At the same time, enrich your life by reading and exercising, because life is a cycle, and you will tie and untie knots for it.

I've got a lovely recommendation for you: live a life that blossoms!

I am pleased to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry. I hope that the suggestions I offer will prove helpful.

Intimate relationships are susceptible to emotional influence. The words and actions of close individuals leave a profound imprint on our memories. When specific events occur, we may experience stress reactions.

Given the passage of time since the dissolution of the relationship and the persistence of distress, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a mental health professional. Psychotherapy can facilitate the adjustment of cognitive and emotional processes, equipping individuals with the capacity to regulate emotions in a constructive manner. This can prevent the recurrence of such experiences in daily life and social interactions, and equips individuals with the ability to promptly alleviate distress when it arises, thereby maintaining social interactions and mental wellbeing.

In our daily lives, we may choose to spend more time with friends or loved ones, or engage in activities that bring us enjoyment as a means of distraction.

Anxiety can be classified into two distinct categories.

One such cause is anxiety about specific events or individuals.

Another form of anxiety is the concern that the situation will evoke feelings of distress. It is hoped that the influence of the previous relationship will be negated, however, due to the continued contemplation of the relationship, it will continue to exert an effect. The more one is averse to a particular individual or object, the more it will occupy the mind at a time when one is not inclined to engage with it.

It is essential to achieve a state of mental relaxation and emptiness. It is important to note that the experience of a relationship can have a significant impact on one's mental state. With the guidance of friends or professionals, it is possible to gradually regain one's previous state of mental equilibrium.

It is my hope that, through introspection or the assistance of a trained professional, you will be able to identify an adjustment strategy that aligns with your needs and does not impinge upon your daily or social functioning.

The world is a benevolent entity, and you are a beloved member of it.