We've been together for about a month, and my boyfriend has recently been particularly neglectful and cold towards me.

Before falling in love, we often have to take care of our basic needs. This refers to the work we rely on for survival. Now that he is having some problems at work, his work situation may become unstable, causing him to have many problems at work.

You and your boyfriend have been together for a month. You still need time to get to know each other. Think about whether you want a better love. The situation has already changed a bit.

You've had bad love experiences and arguments. We can see what caused the argument and how to communicate. Romantic longing can make love more comfortable.

His indifference may be because he's busy at work. Try to understand. You can both make your own arrangements. When he's busy, you can work on your career and spend time with friends.

This isn't anyone's fault. Both of you need to face it like adults. When love grows cold, it's like a small stream hitting a corner. There will always be fast and slow currents. They're all part of life.

When you feel sad and upset, you might also feel unsure of yourself. You can seek counseling or talk to a counselor about your thoughts. You also have things to deal with, and you can regulate your emotions. Give your boyfriend time to work.

ZQ?

Hello, girl. I see you're confused. Hugs!

You have relationship problems. A warm hug.

Men and women think differently.

Have you read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?

The book says men and women think differently.

Guys prefer to think about problems on their own.

Give your boyfriend some space to deal with his work problems.

He'll probably come back to you when he figures out how to deal with it.

2. Your attachment patterns may be a factor.

You may be insecure.

This may be related to your relationship with your mother.

Your mother may have ignored you as a baby.

You grew up with an anxious attachment pattern.

Your current boyfriend has ignored you and become indifferent, so you're thinking about it a lot.

Seek professional psychological counseling.

3.) It may also be related to your past bad relationships.

You've had bad relationships in the past.

Your boyfriend's attitude may be making you think about your past breakup.

You can also see a counselor.

Your current problem may be related to your family of origin. I recommend professional psychological counseling.

A counselor can help with both your lack of security and bad relationship experiences.

I hope you can resolve your problem soon.

I can only think of these things.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

My dear,

Your boyfriend's indifference, despite his explanation that it was because of difficulties at work, has caused you to question your feelings. Has his response made you doubt yourself a lot?

For example, could it be that I've done something wrong? Is he acting like this because he's not interested in me anymore?

Could it be that she doesn't love me anymore? Is this relationship, like the previous ones, going to end badly?

Could I ask you to consider whether you might be facing a situation where you feel isolated once more? If we allow ourselves to be influenced by these thoughts or doubts, it is likely that we will experience feelings of unease and panic.

Could this be what you mean by a lack of security in a relationship? It seems you are constantly on edge, and every little thing in the relationship makes you feel on the defensive.

I'm not sure if my description accurately reflects your experience. However, I encourage you to try to recall your exact state of mind when you faced your boyfriend's indifference.

Could you please describe the thoughts that were going through your mind at that moment? It's understandable that your body was experiencing all kinds of uncomfortable feelings.

As I mentioned previously, it might be helpful to consider whether you can identify a state of mind and body that feels tense. If you were in a position where you could offer support and understanding to a friend experiencing self-doubt and nervousness, it's likely you would want to listen to them and be there for them.

I believe this may also apply to me. If you can clearly see yourself caught up in negative thoughts and feel the unease and fear inside you, at this time, perhaps what you would prefer to do is to listen to and accompany yourself.

It might also be helpful to consider that when you lose your temper with your boyfriend, it may be because you're afraid of losing him, afraid of being alone, in need of security, and hoping that he will hold you, but he doesn't give you the holding you need, so you lose your temper. It could be compared to a child who is afraid and, when not seen by their parents, throws a tantrum to make them look at them.

Could it be that it's a bit like that? When we see a child who is longing for love and throwing tantrums, it's natural to feel sad for them and want to give them a hug.

Perhaps it would be helpful to apply this same approach to yourself. When you notice that insecure part of yourself that wants to be held by throwing a tantrum, you could try offering it a hug, holding it tenderly, and trying to understand it.

You can choose to bring this awareness and care to yourself. This care and support for yourself will become part of your nature, helping to melt away your insecurities and fill your heart with strength and tenderness.

When you can clearly see your inner state, understand and soothe yourself, and then face your boyfriend, perhaps your feelings will be completely different. Such a you will also be clearer and more powerful when dealing with specific relationship issues.

At this time, you may gain insight into your own need for care and support, as well as a deeper understanding of your boyfriend's true state of mind. It's possible that his apparent indifference is a result of facing a challenging situation and needing more time to process and respond.

What you see is a real, needy boyfriend. At this time, if your heart is calm and strong, you may be able to clearly feel your boyfriend's needs, and your response could be a natural and gentle acceptance. Perhaps you could also give a lot of tenderness and comfort to each other.

I believe that a relationship like this can be nourishing for both you and your boyfriend. What are your thoughts on this?

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well.

My name is Gu Yi. I am modest and self-effacing, and I am consistent.

You need to understand why your boyfriend is acting perfunctory.

If you've been in a relationship for a month, you're still in the honeymoon period. Your relationship should be as close as glue. However, you said your boyfriend is cold and perfunctory towards you because of work. So, let me be clear: if your boyfriend is relatively cold towards you, is he fully devoted to his work when you're not together? Or is he really having trouble at work?

If you encounter something at work that is difficult to solve, we will understand it appropriately and face it together and solve it. Adult relationships are not like those of students, who are always in love. The problem is that work is very easy to solve, as long as you work together to get through this time.

Given your previous unsuccessful romantic experiences, it's understandable that you're overly sensitive to your boyfriend's indifference and perfunctoriness. Your past romantic experiences have made you nervous when facing such a state from your boyfriend. We also need to determine whether we're too nervous ourselves. If we are too nervous, we'll easily amplify this feeling.

You need to communicate more.

You need to communicate more.

Your relationship clearly lacks communication. You are not clear about your boyfriend's current state, and he does not understand your long-term lack of security and sensitivity. This has created the current situation. Choose an appropriate time to have a good chat.

In a relationship, you rub up against each other. Your outlook on life is key. You have to discover each other's strengths and possible points of conflict through communication. Then, you guide each other so you can empathize. This kind of adjustment is vital.

Communication is key to a healthy relationship. It's not just about sharing experiences, but also about expressing views. It's essential to develop the habit of communicating while in love. If there's something on your mind, talking about it will ensure you're not ignored or left feeling indifferent. No matter what the reason, talking about it will always lead to a solution.

I wish you the best.

Hello, I'm Hua Er.

From the text, I can tell that the questioner is anxious and has problems getting along with their boyfriend. It's clear that they care a lot about this relationship and are worried that cold communication is not conducive to it. I have some ideas to share with them.

Make reasonable assumptions.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a month, but recently he said he's been having trouble at work and has been particularly cold to me, and there's not much to talk about.

I think I may have had a few bad relationships before, which made me feel insecure. Before that, I often argued with him.

One is the attribution of indifference.

You might want to try paying more attention to your boyfriend. Given that he's been overwhelmed at work recently, it's possible that he's too busy to chat and doesn't have the energy to care about you. So, a reasonable explanation for his coldness is that he's tired from work and not interested in talking.

Second, we need to look at the relationship.

Given that the questioner mentioned that their previous romantic experience wasn't very smooth, it's likely that there were communication issues during certain conflicts or that their emotional needs weren't met.

It's important to remember that every relationship is with a different person and involves different things. They won't repeat the same mistakes as before. So, how the current relationship develops can't be attributed to the previous failed emotional experience. Instead, the focus should be on the current interactions between the two parties.

Supporting someone is the sincerest form of flattery.

This is when the other person needs support. In an intimate relationship, you can talk to your partner about his worries, give him a hug, stand shoulder to shoulder with him, listen to him, and be there for him, so that he can feel the power of your love. We all need support and encouragement. In an intimate relationship, one person cannot always support the other.

The questioner can also try to actively support the other person, even if it's just staying next to them and letting them know, "It's okay, I'm here for you."

Nonviolent communication is also important in intimate relationships.

The original poster said that they used to argue a lot and that their sense of security was low. Maybe try non-violent communication.

Try to express yourself in a way that is full of expectation and hope, rather than demanding that the other person must do something a certain way. It's also a good idea to consider things from the other person's perspective. I'd also recommend reading "Nonviolent Communication" and "The Power of Organizing Emotions."

When you start to love yourself, it'll be easier to love others too.

Of course, in a relationship, we can't just take care of other people; we also have to take care of our own emotions. First, we have to separate anxiety. That is, we have to understand that his anxiety is his business. We can accompany and listen, but in the end, only he can solve it himself. We also have to trust that he has the ability to solve problems. We have to understand which part is your own and which part is other people's. We also have to listen more to your inner voice, look at your true emotions, and find the needs behind the emotions. You can also focus on yourself in life, develop your interests and hobbies, and explore life.

I'd also suggest checking out the books "Intimacy" and "When You Start Loving Yourself, the World Will Love You Back." Best wishes!

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can totally feel your anxiety through the content.

I also noticed that you were really brave to share your feelings and ask for help on the platform. I'm sure it will help the host to understand you and your boyfriend better, and make some helpful changes.

I'd also like to share some thoughts and observations from the post that I hope will help the original poster to see things from a different perspective.

1. The difference between male and female thinking

In the post, the original poster shared that her boyfriend had been going through a rough patch at work recently. It seemed like he was a little distant and cold towards her, which was a bit surprising. When she asked him about it, he said it was just because of some work-related stress, and apart from that, he was fine.

And the host is not sure whether he is doing it because of work or because of you. I totally get why you're feeling uneasy reading this!

At the same time, it also reminds me of the differences in the way men and women think. When a man is trying to solve a problem, he often needs to be calm and he needs a space.

I don't know if you've heard of the "cave theory." It's a great way to understand how men work! Basically, when a man is hurt or frustrated, he will retreat into a "cave" to heal himself.

He just needs a little space right now. I'm sure the wound will heal.

Then he'll come out, I promise!

When girls face problems, they really want emotional support. It's so important to feel loved and cared for, especially when there's a fight.

It's totally normal for a man to want to be left alone, while a woman might feel like you don't even want to argue with her anymore. I'm saying this so that you can understand the differences in how men and women think.

I really hope this helps you understand your boyfriend a little better.

2. It's so important to try to distinguish between your own emotions.

In the post, the original poster mentioned that I may have had a few bad relationships before, which has unfortunately cast a shadow over my feelings. I used to argue with him a lot and feel insecure. Coupled with the fact that he has been neglectful and cold towards me recently, I'm really unsure what to do. Is it my own problem? How should I deal with it? I'd be really sad if he was cold towards me.

I can see how sad you are, sweetheart. I know it's tough when your boyfriend is cold to us because of work, but that's what's going on.

I totally get it. We can take comfort in the fact that we can take care of ourselves even in the midst of a difficult situation.

For instance, we could think about whether these worries are caused by our boyfriend's actions.

I just wonder if there's a reason for us. Do you think we could take responsibility for this part of ourselves first?

How about taking some time to grow up a little? You can do this!

We take responsibility for our own emotions, heal the wounds we may have suffered in a relationship, and make up for the lack of security we feel. It's so important to do this for ourselves!

When we take care of ourselves and our own needs,

On the bright side, you'll feel at peace in your own heart. And your boyfriend will have some space, too!

I think this could be a great approach for you to try!

3. Learn to take responsibility for your own emotions, my dear.

There's a great discussion in psychology about this. It's all about how our needs can be met in an intimate relationship.

The result of the discussion is that there are three types. One is to ask the other person to satisfy us.

Another way is to have someone else do it for us. The third way is to do it for ourselves.

However, the first two of these three ways seek satisfaction from the outside.

However, there's nothing you can do about other people. For example, your partner may also have their own vulnerable moments and may not be able to take care of themselves properly.

It's totally understandable that he doesn't have the energy to take care of us right now. While it might be a bit difficult to satisfy yourself, it's good to know that things are more stable.

We can't control other people, but we can control ourselves, and that's a good thing! When we're feeling anxious, we can try to reassure ourselves that we're okay.

We can also try to look at past emotional experiences in a more objective way. This can help us adjust our perceptions and rebuild our sense of security.

4. Talk together!

The host might be able to find a good time to talk to your boyfriend together. It would be great if you could both be calm when they do.

It's so important to talk about it. Listen to each other's feelings and express your own. Let your boyfriend know that you are worried and that you understand.

This can really help you understand each other better and build trust. Then, you can talk together about how to deal with these situations in a way that works for both of you.

I promise you, these are things you can do!

I really hope these ideas have been helpful and inspiring for you!

Dear Poster, My name is Xing Ying, and I'm a listening therapist at Yixinli, a national level-3 psychological counselor.

It is not uncommon for couples to experience a period of indifference and coldness during the initial stages of a relationship. However, when this occurs, it can naturally lead to feelings of sadness and concern about the future.

It has only been a month since you started dating your boyfriend, which is typically a period of intense love and mutual dependence. However, you have noticed a shift in his attitude, which has made you feel a sense of indifference and coldness. This has understandably led to feelings of sadness and concern about the future.

You say,

Apart from being somewhat aloof, his attitude is generally okay.

If he is cold to me, I will be sad.

Perhaps you're thinking, "My boyfriend is great in many ways, but I'd like to see more attention and affection from him." Is that something you'd like to explore?

Then, let's consider the potential reasons behind this goal and, based on these reasons, suggest ways to achieve it.

He says he's had a lot of work-related troubles and that he's been a little distant towards me. There's not much to talk about.

It's possible that he's been experiencing some challenges at work that have been distracting him.

If you were to imagine yourself as a tiny worm, burrowing into his heart to hear this answer, you would understand the real reason. Dear host, what would you do?

Do you still expect him to smile warmly and care for you despite his worries? Or would you perhaps prefer to ask him what you could do to make him feel better?

For instance, he might suggest spending some time alone together, which could potentially improve the situation. Would you be open to that idea? Even if you could be alone without his company?

One possible reason could be that there are not many common interests between you and him. This could be because he enjoys things you don't, or you enjoy things he doesn't. This can result in there being fewer "emotional connection points" between you.

It would be beneficial for you both to care for each other and take care of each other's needs. Additionally, a shared emotional connection will greatly enhance your relationship and is highly recommended.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why we enjoy spending time with our friends. It seems that it's because we have things in common and can engage in interesting conversations. If you were to imagine that you were hanging out with a friend and every time you did something she liked but you didn't, it's possible that you might lose interest in her over time.

It might be helpful to find something you both enjoy. When you are engaged in something together, it can be easier to forget about unhappy things and connect with each other emotionally.

I suggested to him that he might want to consider some changes in his work situation, but he said he wasn't sure what to do.

[Possible reason]: It seems that "not knowing what to do" here means that although he also wants to make you happy, the task of "making you happy" is a bit challenging for him, and he could improve in this area. After a long time, he may have lost motivation to continue.

You might be able to help him by making the subject easier for him to approach, for example, by giving him some answers and telling him directly what to do, and you will be happy. As long as he does it, you could consider giving positive feedback.

I believe there are two things that are important to keep in mind.

1. It would be best to choose the right time to do this, as doing it when he's tired might not have the desired effect.

2. The tips given are specific and clear, and not difficult to follow. Perhaps if you just say that you are too cold, you could try being more passionate and paying more attention to me? Men often find it difficult to know what to do in these situations.

I've had a few challenging relationships in the past, and I've learned a lot from them. I used to argue with him quite often.

[Possible reason]: It's possible that constant arguments tire him out and make him lose confidence and motivation.

Have the frequent arguments between you affected your relationship and his confidence in it? After all, we don't want a constant state of war in our emotional world. Both you and he expect the relationship to make you "smile from ear to ear." It's worth noting that people tend to remember unpleasant experiences more clearly.

A study has shown that it takes more than five positive interactions to compensate for one fight between a couple. It would be beneficial to identify each other's needs during an argument and agree on a solution together every time, unless otherwise agreed.

In this situation, it would be advisable to stop arguing and take the initiative to repair the relationship. Perhaps you could do something warm to restore the feelings between the two of you. If you are unable to do that, it might be helpful to at least stop arguing first to prevent the situation from getting worse. It could be beneficial to take some time to find out the similar causes of your arguments. This may help you identify the core problem that needs to be resolved between you. If it is not resolved, it may manifest in different ways.

[Possible reasons]: It may be the case that your boyfriend is an aloof person who prefers to be alone when he encounters difficulties.

[Possible reasons]: It seems that your boyfriend may be an aloof type in interpersonal relationships and may prefer to be alone for a while when he encounters difficulties.

It's important to remember that everyone is different. For instance, when faced with challenges, some people find comfort in the company of friends, while others may need time to process their emotions on their own. During this period, it's crucial to give him the space he needs to focus on his emotions. It's understandable to feel uncertain, but it's important to recognize that he may not be in a position to be with you right now.

When we feel insecure, we may sometimes interpret simple behaviors as signs of a lack of love. When you have these thoughts, it can be helpful to talk to yourself and question your thoughts: Is he tired, wants to be alone, or doesn't love me?

I wonder, what did he do for me when he wasn't indifferent? Could it have been love?

It's understandable that past emotional wounds can make you feel a little afraid. These experiences are a part of you, and no one can take them away. Your boyfriend can give you love, but he can't take away your fear. When you use your own wisdom to distinguish between the present and the past, and see that you are in a relationship with the person in the present, the shadows will slowly fade away.

You might also consider seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. Falling in love can bring us closer to each other and provide an opportunity for personal growth, including learning to love and be loved independently.

I hope you can find some light in this situation and enjoy the sweetness of love with your lover. The world and I send you our love!

What people hate most is when you're doing it while they're watching and you're crying while they're laughing.

Hello! As the saying goes, "It's easy to fall in love, but hard to get along." But don't worry, we can do it! When getting along with a loved one, we have to put aside our love for the time being and treat each other and ourselves as individuals.

People are destined to be unable to synchronize their emotions and feelings, but that's okay! Others can accept being out of sync, and being out of sync as a couple can easily be interpreted as "not in love."

Okay, if you say you don't love your girlfriend, then you don't love her, right?

We'll just say that you and your boyfriend are having a hard time together, but you can totally overcome this!

Guess what? You two actually have the same problem: "no eye contact."

There's a wonderful literary saying that goes, "Human joys and sorrows are not connected."

The great news is that it doesn't matter if you don't understand each other, as long as you have good intuition!

When your girlfriend wants to cuddle and hold you high in the air, don't pull a long face and think about something!

And when your boyfriend hangs up the phone with a grave expression, don't go up to him and ask, "Do you love me?" Instead, seize the moment and ask him something else!

Doing the housework in front of your partner is a great way to show your love and commitment!

Oh my goodness, talking about work behind someone's back...

Eye contact is so much more than just false politeness! It's also about manners, upbringing, humanistic care, and the ability to think independently. It reflects a person's emotional intelligence and overall quality, which is pretty amazing!

It doesn't matter if you're in love or not! You can't control it subjectively, so don't waste your time thinking about it.

The great news is that eye color can be consciously cultivated and continuously improved!

So, don't worry! It's probably not that you don't love each other anymore. It's probably just that you both lack the ability to read each other's eyes.