What constitutes personal independence? What actions are necessary to achieve personal independence?

Dear question author, I commend you for your inquiry. I am encouraged by your resilience in overcoming depression, a challenge many of us face. Your determination is commendable.

Although the details of the experience are not fully elucidated, it is evident that significant learning, growth, and exploration have occurred over the past 10 years. The questions posed are also highly meaningful and have prompted considerable reflection. It would be a privilege to engage in further discussion on these matters.

What are the means of attaining independence of character? I will present my thoughts on the various aspects you have mentioned.

Firstly, in terms of ideology

Thinking

1. Cultivate the capacity to examine problems dialectically. Specific methods include: (1) Constructing a list of questions and answers by engaging in self-reflection. (2) Expanding one's knowledge by reading more books, variety shows, TV programs, and other materials pertaining to philosophy.

(3) One may engage in discourse with like-minded individuals and deliberate with those who hold disparate views, while striving to identify shared ground while acknowledging differences.

2. Cultivate divergent thinking skills, such as the generation of multiple solutions to a problem, the identification of multiple uses for a single item, and the exploration of diverse approaches to a singular topic.

[Cognition]

1. Form your own judgments on all matters and refrain from being unduly influenced by the opinions of others, while also avoiding hasty judgments of others.

2. Possess the capacity to examine individuals, objects, and issues from a multiplicity of perspectives, levels, and dimensions.

3. Demonstrate the capacity to concentrate on issues and discern their fundamental nature through the lens of the phenomenon. How is this achieved?

It is essential to develop the ability to focus on the key issues, engage in deeper thinking, and provide more comprehensive summaries. Additionally, it is crucial to listen attentively to individuals who articulate the core essence of a matter.

2. Emotional

1. It is recommended that one cultivate empathy and compassion. For further reading on this topic, see The Power of Empathy.

2. One may establish a diversified emotional support system, which may include family, friends, teachers, classmates, counselors, psychologists, partners in a psychological support group, listeners, and even unfamiliar Internet friends, among others.

3. Display flexibility in interpersonal relationships, avoiding rigidity and the use of a singular model for human interaction. Recommended reading: Emotional Intelligence.

4. The capacity to perceive the inherent darkness and subtlety of human nature while maintaining a positive outlook on life, despite the challenges and complexities it presents. Recommended reading: "The Subtlety of Human Nature".

3. Spiritual

1. The individual should strive to develop a comprehensive sense of self, encompassing self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love. Self-love, in particular, should include self-understanding, self-care, self-soothing, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance. Recommended reading: "Accept Yourself: How to Overcome Your Inherent Weaknesses," "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence," and "Appropriate Self-Esteem."

2. It is essential to establish clear boundaries, adhere to one's principles, and set firm limits. When confronted with individuals who encroach upon one's boundaries or recklessly challenge one's principles, it is crucial to assertively defend one's boundaries and principles. It is imperative to refrain from passive acceptance and to establish a clear line in the sand. One must possess the courage to say "no" and to cultivate a sense of boundaries and the fortitude to adhere to them.

3. It is recommended that you establish a stable internal order. For further reading on this topic, we suggest the book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.

4. Cultivate an acute awareness and discern the underlying motives behind one's emotions. Highly Sensitive People is a recommended resource.

4. Financially

1. Financial independence is defined as the ability to generate one's own income and to maintain one's livelihood without external assistance.

2. The capacity to regulate one's own financial resources.

3. Cultivate proficiency in generating income, prudent financial planning, and effective money management. From a psychological standpoint, I view the subject of income generation and recommend reading "People Who Make Money Think Differently."

The most crucial element in attaining independence of character is the integration of knowledge with action. While it is relatively straightforward to gain knowledge, translating it into tangible actions and persevering in the face of challenges is a far more complex undertaking. This necessitates a process of experimentation and refinement.

It is my belief that, through years of learning and exploration, one may gain personal insights into the most effective means of achieving this goal. However, it may require more practical experience to translate these insights into action. Specifically, this may entail developing strategies for navigating interpersonal dynamics, managing one's emotions, and responding effectively to challenging situations. These skills can be gradually cultivated through a process of exploration and reflection.

In the event of a specific situation, a script can be prepared in advance. This script should include the anticipated interactions with other individuals and the anticipated conversations that will take place. Additionally, it should outline the desired responses to these interactions and conversations. After the event, a feedback and summary session can be conducted to assess the effectiveness of the script. Through repeated scripting, summarization, and improvement, individuals may become more calm and at ease when encountering similar situations.

The following represents my current understanding of the subject matter. It is my hope that these ideas will prove to be a source of inspiration for others.

Good morning,

I am pleased to see that you have been able to overcome depression.

You are engaged in a continuous process of learning, exploration, and growth, which is highly commendable. I am pleased to discuss the topic of personal independence with you further.

1. Financial independence is the foundation of personal independence.

It is essential for an individual to establish themselves in society. If they are reliant on others for basic survival, it is challenging to achieve independence of character. Therefore, the initial step is to become financially independent, to be self-sufficient in society, and to be able to provide for those who require care.

2. A stable and integrated inner self.

A stable inner self is a comprehensive and objective understanding and evaluation of oneself. This understanding and evaluation is relatively stable and will not fluctuate greatly due to external influences. Through self-exploration and the establishment of stable self-confidence, one can set life goals and improve one's sense of self-efficacy. This is the key to building an independent and stable personality.

3. Emotional independence means not being unduly influenced by external factors.

An independent personality is characterized by effective emotional management, a robust emotional response model, and resilience in the face of others' negative emotions. Emotional independence equips individuals with the capacity to navigate diverse external challenges with composure, enabling clear thinking. It is a crucial aspect of personal autonomy.

4. Establish appropriate boundaries.

It is important to distinguish between other people's business and your own. You have your own independent thoughts and principles for handling your own business, and you respect other people's choices regarding their business. You can maintain such boundaries even in close relationships. Appropriate boundaries are the foundation of good interpersonal relationships and an important guarantee of personal independence.

5. Strive for excellence and focus on tasks that will enhance your professional capabilities.

It is not uncommon to have a clear understanding of a concept in theory but to encounter difficulties when faced with specific problems in practice. For instance, one may have a comprehensive grasp of the attributes required to be an independent person, including mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial independence.

It is important to balance thinking with action. Prolonged thinking without action can lead to depression. The key is to act on your plans. If you have considered a course of action, take the next step and adjust as you go.

As a young person, you have numerous opportunities in life. It is important to embrace mistakes as a natural part of the learning process. Focus on activities that enhance your knowledge, abilities, and overall well-being. This will not only benefit you in the long run but also improve your financial and social skills.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful to you. Thank you for your inquiry.

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is a valuable process for personal growth.

From your description, I can sense some inner doubts and a strong desire for change.

You inquired about the path to achieving personal independence.

If I might offer another perspective, I would say that…

American self-psychologist and founder of the discipline Kohut once proposed a concept called "cohesive self," which seems to me to be more in line with the personality independence you mentioned.

I hope you will find the following suggestions helpful in achieving personal independence. They are based on the idea of forming a cohesive self.

Kohut suggested that the formation of a cohesive self may be a significant step in the process of spiritual development and could potentially contribute to emotional resilience. He observed that while challenging emotions can sometimes disrupt a sense of self, a cohesive self may be more resilient in the face of such challenges.

In a cohesive self, there is a kind of centripetal force that can bring together all the fragments of a person's soul. This force seems to be based on the feeling that "I am basically good."

I believe that the first step towards achieving personal independence may be to accept yourself and believe that you are basically good.

It would be beneficial to consider your own strengths (everyone has strengths, and you are no exception), and to view yourself with a developmental perspective (addressing deficiencies, accepting what cannot be changed, and changing what can be changed).

The second step is to consider what kind of life you would like to lead.

As you mentioned in your description, you'd like to grow up according to your own thoughts, feelings, and rhythm, and you also want to have your own business. It's great that you're so clear about this.

It would be advisable to be as specific as possible about the kind of life you want to lead. Being specific will not only help you determine whether your ideas are idealistic, but also make them more actionable.

If I might suggest, the third step would be to make the aforementioned life you desire your life goal and create a concrete plan.

It would be beneficial to make this plan more detailed, as achieving personal independence requires action and detailed, specific planning is conducive to practice.

During this period, it would be beneficial to focus on your own feelings, live your true self, respect your own feelings, and pay attention to your own needs.

I would like to clarify that I am not suggesting you should be selfish. However, I hope you can appreciate that while it is important to recognise and affirm the feelings of others, your own feelings and thoughts are equally so. If you continue to focus on other people's feelings, you may lose sight of your own needs and become less able to develop an independent personality.

Perhaps the key to living authentically is learning to set boundaries by saying "no" and refusing when necessary.

Here are a few suggestions on how you might set boundaries:

First, it would be beneficial to learn to communicate in a firm but non-hostile manner. This could be expressed as, "I respectfully decline your proposal."

Secondly, it would be beneficial to learn to say no to others in small things first, and then gradually transfer that sense of autonomy to other things, which would allow you to have that sense of independence of "I make my own decisions."

Third, learning to "separate issues" means understanding that "this is my business and that is yours." This can help you avoid being controlled and live your life to the fullest.

It is my humble opinion that achieving personal independence is the process of living according to one's own wishes.

I believe this is the meaning of life that each of us is striving to achieve.

I hope my answer is helpful. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" at the bottom, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Dear question asker,

I believe the questioner is a thoughtful individual with a depth of thought and energy.

It is certainly a positive step forward to have overcome ten years of depression.

As the questioner said, the question of how to become an independent person is a very good one. When answering it, I reflected on it and searched for the answer myself.

I believe Schopenhauer said that an independent thinker is the sovereign of his or her own spiritual realm.

I believe that financial independence is an important foundation for personal autonomy. This does not imply that one should be entirely isolated from others or incapable of forming relationships. Rather, it suggests the capacity to make one's own choices and bear the consequences of those choices. It implies the ability to withstand challenges and adversity without relying on others for support. This allows for a balanced approach to relationships, where one can choose to rely on others when necessary and navigate life's complexities independently when appropriate.

It would be ideal to be completely independent, but there are situations where we have to rely on others for a while. As long as you have the ability to live independently after you leave – and the ability to leave (psychologically speaking) – then this condition is also considered to be met.

Another aspect of independence is what we might term mental independence, which implies a state of psychological autonomy.

In a relationship with one's parents, it is possible to maintain one's own opinions, outlook on life, and values while still respecting their thoughts and wishes. This allows for a more independent perspective, rather than blindly obeying. It also gives the opportunity to make decisions, express disagreement, and accept the consequences.

In a relationship with one's parents, it is possible to maintain one's own opinions, outlook on life, and values while still respecting their thoughts and wishes. Instead of blindly obeying, it is possible to make decisions, say no, and bear consequences.

In relationships with friends, it is possible to maintain a healthy balance between being respectful and assertive, taking care of one's own feelings, adhering to one's principles, establishing clear boundaries with colleagues and friends, avoiding petty behavior, and embracing a relatively broad perspective.

In your relationship with your partner, it is important to have your own interests, ideas, and career, rather than relying on your partner for everything. It is valuable to respect each other's differences and seek common ground while also honoring your individuality.

In your relationship with your child, it may be helpful to consider not attributing your unfulfilled dreams to your child. Respecting your child as an independent individual with their own life may also be beneficial. It might be valuable to maintain boundaries and avoid getting too involved.

It is perhaps worth noting that complete independence is not a realistic goal for any of us. This is in line with our nature as social animals. We can only achieve relative independence while still maintaining our individuality in our interactions with others.

How might we go about achieving spiritual independence?

It may be helpful to consider diversifying your support system.

For instance, you might consider broadening your social circle by making more friends. You could also seek out activities that align with your interests and provide you with a sense of fulfilment and enjoyment. By doing so, you may find that you have a more resilient support system in place, which could be an effective way of achieving spiritual and personal independence.

Independence is not merely a slogan; it is something we must strive to achieve through practical actions.

2. It may be helpful to seek a sense of certainty and satisfaction from your own practical actions.

It is important to remember that relationships are often complex and challenging, particularly in the context of family, friendship, and romantic relationships. While these dynamics can be unpredictable and difficult to control, it is also possible to find emotional and sense of worth satisfaction in other areas of life, such as one's studies, work, abilities, and talents. Rather than relying solely on external sources of fulfillment, it can be beneficial to seek these sources within ourselves.

It would be beneficial to explore and understand yourself as much as possible. It is probably best not to project too many expectations on others. Tolerance and empathy are also valuable qualities.

3. Consider how your ideals and reality relate to one another.

In many cases, the cause of an unbalanced state of mind may be that things have not developed as expected in reality. This could require us to adjust our state of mind. Perhaps we could try to maintain an optimistic and positive state of mind, and then handle our relationships with others correctly and lower our goals appropriately.

I believe that a healthy and independent personality cannot be achieved overnight. It requires long-term cultivation, hard work and dedication, as well as a high degree of self-discipline and rest. It is a gradual process of moving from impetuosity to calmness.

I hope I have been able to share some of these thoughts with you. I wish you the best of luck and continued improvement.

Dear Host, In light of the aforementioned problem, it is evident that you have attained a state of strength and power within. Your courageous overcoming of depression has led you to pursue a new objective, which not only provides encouragement and affirmation but also instills courage in others.

In light of your assertion that you aspire to "find a path that is truly my own and have my own business," and to "achieve personal independence," it is evident that you have spent a considerable amount of time in the past residing in a passive state, characterized by blurred boundaries and unclear inner needs. However, it appears that you are now in a position to recognize your inner self once again, and to witness the emergence of new growth. In this context, it seems reasonable to interpret your stated desire as an expression of your intention to achieve personal independence, to clarify your own boundaries and needs, to develop a stable personality and emotions, to strengthen your inner self, and to cultivate a life of personal fulfillment.

Accordingly, I will endeavor to present some of my personal insights from this perspective.

☀️ The development of one's personality and emotional stability can be facilitated through the cultivation of healthy relationships.

(1) It is more straightforward to respond to our inner feelings in relationships. For instance, some individuals are fearful of losing a relationship and thus opt to gratify the other person to maintain the relationship, or they evade conflict by adopting a problem-solving stance. It is conceivable that during our formative years, we craved a favorable relationship with our parents excessively and were apprehensive about its dissolution. Consequently, we may have developed an incapacity to decline requests from others, to express our hostility, and to safeguard our boundaries.

(2) If parents did not provide sufficient emotional support and timely responses when children were young, it is likely that the aforementioned situation will occur. Over time, children's needs will become less clear, and their sense of boundaries will also be weakened. How, then, can children distinguish between boundaries? I have read the following saying: "I am me, and others are others. Everyone, regardless of their strength or weakness, must be responsible for their own lives, and they can only be responsible for their own lives."

(3) Consequently, in a relationship, it can be likened to a mirror: what is observed and experienced is potentially a reflection of the individual's inner self. This can facilitate enhanced self-awareness.

It is essential to reinforce the underlying personality.

(1) It is possible that a great deal of energy has been expended in order to extricate oneself from past emotional states. Consequently, there may be a desire to achieve emotional stability and to avoid becoming enmeshed in trivial emotional issues. Therefore, the development of a stable personality and a stable emotional experience may be a key area of learning.

(2) The reason why some individuals are susceptible to defeat by circumstances or emotional distress may be attributed to two factors: the gravity of the situation, which could encompass sudden accidents or illnesses, and the fragility of the individual's inner self. In some cases, the situation may not be as dire as perceived, yet the individual's inner self remains vulnerable. This vulnerability can manifest as an inability to acknowledge shortcomings or mistakes. In such instances, individuals may feel compelled to continuously strive for perfection, which can lead to a tendency to ruminate on past experiences.

(3) It may be beneficial to learn to accept and embrace all experiences, including those that evoke vulnerability, as a means of developing resilience and emotional intelligence. This process entails recognizing that we are capable of facing challenges such as fear, helplessness, and sadness, and allowing ourselves to fully experience these emotions without succumbing to their intensity. The ability to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions is an essential aspect of mature functioning.

With the assistance of the aforementioned resources

(1) At times, it is essential to rely on the rationality and analysis of the mind to gain knowledge, such as through reading. I recommend a book, "Limited Liability Family," which is concise and straightforward, and helps us understand the reasons behind many patterns and behaviors. One sentence in the book states, "The stability of personality, that is, the sense of existence of the true self, comes from love."

"Once we are able to discern the sensation of love, we will then be able to bestow love upon others, thereby enhancing the quality of our lives."

(2) The term "study, contemplation, and practice" denotes a process of learning and reflection aimed at grasping the underlying truths and rationale of a given subject. This understanding is then operationalized through active engagement in the subject matter, which facilitates genuine transformation in one's perspective and disposition. Meditation, sitting meditation, walking meditation, mindfulness, and other similar practices exemplify effective avenues for fostering inner growth, reducing pretentiousness, and enhancing contentment, which collectively contribute to the stability and character development of an individual.

I wish you the best and hope you can make another upgrade. I will be here to provide support.

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I just want to give the original poster a big thumbs up! It's so inspiring to see how you've overcome depression. I think it's your own unique journey of growth. We're all unique beings, and our paths are as diverse as we are.

I truly believe that success is not about having a high status or a lot of wealth in the worldly sense. It's about following your heart and living the life you want to live!

The host said that she wanted to follow her own thoughts, feelings, and rhythm to grow, find a path that was truly her own, and have a career of her own. I think this is perfectly possible, and in fact, this is how I got through it—and it's a great way to do it!

Although I wasn't diagnosed with depression, I was in a very low mood for two or three years. I felt particularly down inside, and I couldn't feel the meaning of life. I had a lot of things, but I couldn't feel that kind of happiness from the bottom of my heart. During that period of time, I was indeed completely financially dependent on my husband. But here's the good news: I had not grown psychologically. When a person never grows, they won't have inner strength and will slowly fall into a negative state. The good news is that I learned about this, and I made a plan! I decided to enrich my own knowledge and gain a lot of experience. At the same time, as I continued to achieve little goals, I discovered that as my abilities improved, I also gained a sense of inner security and self-confidence. Of course, this was accompanied by income and rewards!

From my own experience, I've found that when you're independent on a personal level, it's much easier to achieve financial independence. When you're strong internally, you can face anything and achieve your dreams!

The psychological Pygmalion effect is a fascinating phenomenon that illustrates the power of expectations. It suggests that we tend to get what we expect, rather than what we want. As long as you expect with confidence and really believe that things will go smoothly, they will definitely go smoothly! Conversely, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, these obstacles will arise.

And my transformation from a psychology novice to a certified coach and writer at Yi Xinli is a perfect example of this!

After graduating with a master's degree, I became a full-time mother. After having a child, my dream was shattered. But that didn't stop me! Due to the specific circumstances of our family, I could no longer go back to school to pursue a doctorate, nor could I go out to work, because my husband needed to earn a living to support the family, and I needed to take care of my child at all times. However, I did not give up on my own growth. I would still read books and try to take various exams, until I met the second-level exam for psychological counselors, and I realized that psychology was my passion!

I can read psychology books for hours on end without getting tired. I still remember preparing for the national second-level psychological counselor exam at that time. Since it was the last national exam, I was super excited to take it seriously. I didn't have much time to sit down and study every day, but I would always listen to the lectures with headphones.

I learned so much while sweeping the floor, cooking, washing the dishes, brushing my teeth, and washing my face, and even while playing chess with my baby!

I studied for almost 12 hours a day, and it was so worth it! I finally got the certificate of national second-level psychological consultant. Of course, the certificate is not my biggest gain. My biggest gain is the changes and insights I have gained in the process of studying psychology.

After getting my certificate, I was thrilled to keep learning more about psychology and developing my skills. Since I work outside the home, I'm excited to do the things I love in a free state while also taking care of my family. I never thought this would really come true, but now it has!

I'm thrilled to be able to use psychology to help others and realize my own value through online consulting, live streaming, writing, and more. Offline, I can also go to schools and communities to popularize psychology when I have time, and exchange ideas with our local psychologists.

This is exactly what I've been waiting for: the chance to take care of my family and keep growing while doing what I love!

In fact, in the process, the accumulation of knowledge and the improvement of abilities is a kind of growth, which is also the quality that each of us needs to have for "personal independence"—and it's an amazing journey!

So, based on my own experience, I'm thrilled to share my advice for achieving personal independence:

Believe in yourself!

The Pygmalion effect is a fantastic phenomenon that teaches us something really important: if you expect something, you will get it! And what you get might not be what you want, but it will be something you expect.

So, as long as you expect with confidence and really believe that things will go smoothly, they will! On the contrary, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, these hindrances will arise.

That's why it's so important to focus on the power of positive thinking! When we have positive beliefs and attitudes, when we are brimming with confidence, and when we believe that good things will happen, and always hold onto this positive expectation, it really makes a difference!

Because positive beliefs lead to positive actions, and positive actions often lead to positive results!

If we expect ourselves to be a certain way, we will keep working towards that goal, and eventually, we will become that person! But if we keep thinking we can't do it, we won't be able to make progress. So let's get out there and make it happen!

You see, my story proves that this effect is real. So, you should absolutely believe in yourself too!

2. Accept yourself!

Embrace your past, present, character, and imperfections! See your faults and shortcomings, as well as your strengths and value. The first step to becoming confident and stronger is to accept yourself.

Embrace the journey of self-acceptance! It's not always easy, but it's worth it. When your inner voice tries to hold you back, keep practicing acceptance. You have strengths, you have value, and you can use your own unique advantages to live a fulfilling life.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your shortcomings, and your heart will become more and more relaxed and powerful!

The truth is, many people are just like you. Imperfect, but capable of living a great life despite their shortcomings. You just need to embrace the full, authentic, and comprehensive version of yourself, accept your imperfections, and start living your best life!

3. Learn to separate issues

Embrace the challenges of your own life with confidence and excitement! Don't let other people's challenges hold you back.

So, how do you tell the difference?

It's simple! The direct consequences of that thing are the responsibility of whoever is working on it.

You get to choose your own path! And you'll probably hear a lot of different voices along the way. But don't worry, you can always return to your heart and make your own choice. If you choose the path you want to take, you'll face some challenges, including opposition from others and difficulties along the way. But you can also choose to give up, and you'll have to face the consequences, including your regrets and dissatisfaction with yourself.

In short, you get to make your own choices and take responsibility for the consequences. I feel that "learning to separate subjects" is a very important part of "personal independence," and it's a great feeling!

4. Build your self-confidence and sense of security, and keep improving your abilities and knowledge!

Confidence comes from strength and hard work, and it's an amazing feeling! When we become someone we approve of through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

You can set yourself appropriate goals and then work towards achieving them one step at a time. It's an amazing feeling when you finally reach your goal! Not only do your abilities improve, but your knowledge accumulates and your experience becomes richer and richer. You'll feel more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more confident.

The so-called right goals are those of moderate difficulty, the kind you can reach by standing on your tiptoes. If the goal is too small, you'll feel unchallenged and bored, and you might even lose motivation. But if it's too big, you'll feel too much resistance and lack the confidence to complete it. The good news is that moderate-intensity goals can best stimulate our motivation, and when we work hard to achieve them, we'll feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence!

So, let's say your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day. That's great! Now, set a daily goal of 4,500-5,000 steps. You've got this!

When you set goals that suit you according to your abilities, the most important thing is to persevere and take action. And you can do it! Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

I know you have big goals! You can break your big goals into small ones, see what you can do in the moment, and believe that with continuous accumulation and persistence, you will eventually be able to achieve your big goals and become the kind of person you want to be!

Come on, let's encourage each other!

Hello!

First of all, congratulations! You have recovered from depression and are ready for a new life.

I'll explain my understanding of personal independence. Mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial independence are by-products of personal independence.

To achieve personal independence, there are two key points.

Know yourself.

Knowing who you are, where you came from, and where you're going.

If you don't know who you are, you'll look to others and material things to boost your sense of existence and worth. This leads to a sense of being conditioned by value.

If you don't know where you came from or why you're the way you are, you won't be able to control your emotions or relieve pressure on your body. You'll just go with the flow.

If you don't know where you're going, you'll just get more confused. You'll worry about missing out and losing things. You'll also worry about the future.

Knowing yourself is the foundation of personal independence.

How do you know yourself?

The Zhouhari Window is a tool. It was created in 1955 by American social psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrylngham. Zhouhari is a combination of the first two letters of their names.

The human mind and inner self can be divided into four parts: top, bottom, left, and right. Zhou Huali divides these four parts into four categories: the public self, the blind self, the hidden self, and the unknown self.

We all have four parts: different sizes and different behaviors.

The second is to take responsibility for your choices.

Once you know yourself, you can accept your strengths and limitations. You can also think for yourself and decide what's best for you.

He knows where he's going.

And choosing means accepting the consequences. This is an important way to achieve independence: taking responsibility for oneself.

It's hard to find happiness in yourself, but you can't find happiness in others.

If you can accept yourself, make good choices, and take responsibility, you have personal independence.

Some techniques for improving self-identity, like reading, exercising, and mindfulness, can only enhance life if you complete personal independence.

This is just some of what I have to share.

Best wishes!

Good morning,

The individual in question has demonstrated resilience in overcoming depression for a period of ten years. This achievement can be considered a testament to their determination and commitment to personal growth. A warrior possesses an indomitable spirit, which enables them to navigate challenges and overcome obstacles. They are not easily limited by circumstances and are driven to develop and refine their character. This pursuit of self-improvement allows them to chart their own course in life.

What is life to the questioner? (The questioner should first consider their own perspective.) While independent personality and independent growth are undoubtedly tests that everyone must pass, it is also important to recognise the responsibilities and obligations that accompany this.

[Appreciate growth]

Embracing pain while welcoming growth is a universal experience. There is no definitive point at which one can complete growth independently. Instead, we must continually challenge our fixed prejudices, gradually expand our wisdom and understanding, learn to listen to the voices around us, renew our thinking, and recognize our own needs as well as the needs of others. We can become more honest and sincere in our dealings with others, and our inner energy will become stronger and stronger, while our hearts will become more and more tender.

What key points should be noted for independent growth?

The term "independent" implies the capacity to function without reliance on external sources, the ability to navigate challenges without external support, the capacity to discern right from wrong, the freedom to chart one's own course, and a mindset that integrates one's internal perspective with external realities.

It is a rare individual who can achieve personal independence. This is not due to a lack of opportunity, but rather the necessity to first endure the pain and then reap the benefits of growth. However, driven by short-term gains, many people lack the patience to endure the pain for long-term benefits and refuse to grow.

[Learn to listen]

Independence is not the same as isolation. It is a rejection of dependence, but not a rejection of interaction. Most of the time, we are used to listening to our own thoughts, but we don't know how to listen to other people's thoughts. This results in a lack of openness and a narrowing of perspective, which in turn limits our ability to gain experience and wisdom from others.

[Complete tasks independently]

The most significant symbol of independence is not financial independence at the outset, but rather learning to care for oneself and understanding how to care for oneself. When an individual rejects the notion of a life where "clothes are brought to them when they are worn out and food is brought to them when they are hungry," they become the master of their own lives, begin to understand life, grasp the meaning of maturity, establish clear boundaries with others, and develop more mature thoughts.

Be assertive and decline when necessary.

The increased awareness of psychology has led many individuals to recognize the importance of developing a "pleasing personality." This development is often driven by a lack of confidence in supporting one's own ideas, speaking freely, and facing the potential for rejection. Living in a state of fear and catastrophic thinking often hinders the ability to assertively say "no." This reluctance to confront the truth can lead to manipulation and conflict.

[Learn to communicate and solve problems effectively]

People are emotional creatures. When we are in chaos, we tend to communicate with emotions, which can lead to issues in communication. These can manifest as "problems with parent-child communication," "problems with intimate relationship communication," "problems with workplace communication," and so on. We often avoid investing time in learning to exchange ideas and prefer to speculate on other people's thoughts based on the situation. To resolve these issues, it is essential to reject unclear and irresponsible communication methods, learn to communicate patiently, express our inner thoughts, refuse to complain, and express our true demands in order to achieve the goal of solving problems.

Polish your character and identify your career objectives.

While personality is innate, it is up to the individual to cultivate and refine it. Many people strive to find a deeper purpose in life. It is essential to maintain a humble attitude, take every task seriously, and embrace a vibrant and fulfilling lifestyle. Setbacks are inevitable, but it is crucial to remain resilient and continue striving for excellence. Affirming oneself, taking initiative, and continuously improving are key strategies for personal and professional growth.

It is important to focus on the positive aspects of life and to learn how to enjoy it.

Living independently is not a form of self-aggrandizement; rather, it is a means of fostering personal growth and development. By cultivating an awareness of the beauty in life and appreciating the "landscapes" that surround us, we can create opportunities for inner beauty to flourish. Focusing on the present moment can help reduce inner conflict and promote a more harmonious state of being.

Independence is not a specific reward, but rather the capacity to protect and appreciate oneself. It is the foundation of growth, influencing how we view ourselves and the world, and enabling us to live out our potential and achieve balance.

Additionally, concise language necessitates self-experience and self-realization. There is no disadvantage in providing more detail, but the simplest advice is to gain a deeper understanding of the world and yourself. I suggest reading more, communicating with the soul of Homo sapiens, and enhancing one's wisdom and understanding. Within the limited time frame, one should strive to create greater value, expand their knowledge, and develop a broader perspective.

Best regards,

Good evening, my dear friends!

It's clear you have a lot on your mind, exploring yourself and the world. Your question is simple and not simple at the same time. Let me try to share some of my views and opinions.

First, let's chat about what it means to be independent. I think that an independent person is someone who is comfortable with change and accepts things as they are.

Or, to put it another way, focus on your own issues and don't worry about other people's. Leave the rest to God, he'll take care of it!

First, learn to accept.

Be kind to yourself, accept others for who they are, and embrace society for what it is.

Let's say you have a grumpy neighbor whose voice can be heard throughout the building every night while he is helping his children with their homework. What should you do?

The simplest way is to accept it all and not expect him to change. If you really feel noisy, you can close the door, close the window, put on noise-cancelling headphones, or move.

Another example is that you look ordinary. When someone says you look ugly, just listen to it. That is, don't get angry when someone says you are ugly, and don't be anxious about looking ordinary yourself. It's just like that saying, "I am me, a spark of difference."

Another example is the recent epidemic prevention and control, which has imposed a few restrictions here and there, requiring you to scan codes here and there. It's okay to be a little frustrated, but try to accept it and do as you're told. Don't try to fight against the general policy.

This is a really accepting attitude. It's as simple as this: don't resist, don't judge right or wrong. Just go with the flow, like playing a game of cards. Whatever happens, happens.

Secondly, embrace change and use your own initiative.

We mentioned earlier that acceptance doesn't mean you just accept someone without question. For instance, some folks say that I come from a challenging background and that it's futile to strive, so I'll just give up.

Acceptance is a great way to pave the way for positive change, but it's not meant to change other people or society as a whole. When you're ready, you can even contribute to the growth of society! Look at all the amazing people in our country who have received the July 1st Medal and the Order of the Republic.

As ordinary people, we can do our best to change ourselves. And we can learn how to change in so many ways! We can read, study, work, think, struggle, and act.

And finally, we don't ask others to change.

This is also based on acceptance. Simply put, you have the right to be yourself, and so does everyone else. You are important, and so is everyone else.

If someone's behavior makes you feel uncomfortable or causes you to feel negative emotions, it's important to remember that those emotions are yours, not theirs. You have the power to choose how you feel about it.

Of course, it doesn't mean you can't do anything. We can still influence others to change. For example, if the neighbor's child is always making a mess, we can talk to the neighbor about how to cultivate good learning habits in children. Of course, it's up to the neighbor whether to listen or not. It's best if they listen, but it's also their freedom not to.

We've already said that we accept everything, change what we can change, and don't demand change from others.

Next, we'll chat about the second question: what can you do to achieve personal independence?

It's really quite simple: just read, think, and practice!

Zeng Qifeng once said something really wise: "Remember, the only way to grow as a person is to gain new interpersonal experiences. And seeing a psychologist is the safest way to gain new interpersonal experiences."

We chatted about some of the things that make up an independent personality earlier. Why not give them a try?

I'm often a Buddhist and sometimes a positive and motivated counselor. I love the world and I love you!

Hello!

I feel so lucky to be able to give you some advice!

From what you've written, I can tell that you're a very self-aware person. It's so inspiring to see how you've gained valuable experience over the past ten years in overcoming depression. I'm really proud of you for successfully overcoming ten years of depression!

Now that you've returned to a normal pace of life, you're hoping to regain your former vitality. During this period of treatment, you've redefined your life and have a new plan for the future. As you mentioned in your content, you're hoping to return to being a normal social person through learning, understanding, exploration, and practice.

First of all, I love your positive approach! You have a great understanding of your own evaluation. You mentioned that you are barely qualified as a young person and are somewhere between a boy and a man. I found these opening words of yours really interesting. Because your question is about how to achieve personal independence, I think the key to answering it is understanding the difference between a qualified young person and a boy or a man.

You're already on your way to achieving independence of character! You're asking the question, which shows you're aware that each person is unique and should be independent of the world and treat each other with respect.

So, what does independence mean to you? Well, first of all, you are a unique individual with your own character, your own way of thinking, and your own life plan. And all of these aspects are relevant!

So let's start with: What are the qualities of a qualified young person, boy, or man? This is the first thing I would suggest you think about.

After thinking about this clearly, we can better understand what kind of person we want to become. And you also have high expectations of yourself. Perhaps deep down, you hope to be a manly figure and hope to be able to stand on your own. If you want to have these qualities and become this kind of person, you can!

I truly believe that how you go about your daily life, what you learn, and how you become stronger through exercise will make you the man you want to be.

I can see from the second half of your content that you've loved reading since you were young, you're very curious, and you're eager to learn. This is so important! How can we blend our everyday experiences and the ongoing evolution of our thinking styles into this journey of self-betterment?

This includes learning the best ways to achieve these things. So I think it would be really helpful for you to take the path of learning!

And I think it's especially good if you want to grow according to your inner thoughts, feelings, and rhythm. Because nowadays, you have truly realized a way of introspection to perceive your true inner feelings, which is really wonderful!

I know it can be tough to let go of the need to control your mind with your head. But there is a way to achieve a more complete state of mind-body unity. The method is simple: keep clarifying. First, you need to have a clear idea of what kind of person you want to become.

It's so important to have a clear concept and a plan to help us find ways to improve ourselves and become the person we want to be.

I just wanted to say that at the end you mentioned that you want to achieve personal independence. You understand that it can only be achieved through the combined effects of intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and financial independence. In fact, if we try to do all these things at the same time at the beginning, it will inevitably be difficult. I personally suggest that you think about the concept one aspect at a time.

Take some time to think about what you want to achieve in life. Think about all aspects of your life, including your emotional and financial goals. Once you've done that, you can start putting your plan into action. You can study or get a job, for example.

This is a great way to combine theory with practice and really make our goals shine!

You can write down all these thoughts on a piece of paper. After that, we can turn the big goal into multiple small goals and give ourselves an appropriate and acceptable time limit to achieve them one by one. I really believe that this will help you get closer and closer to your ultimate goal of achieving personal independence.

I wish you all the best!

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom, and I'll be happy to keep talking with you one-on-one.

I'd love to connect with you on the Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You! You can find me there: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. I am pleased to provide you with a response.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to the questioner. It is a highly encouraging sign to witness the resumption of work and daily living activities following a ten-year period of depression. Due to the debilitating effects of this condition, the questioner has been absent from society for an extended period and has relied on external support for an extended duration. Now that he has recovered, he is seeking to achieve independence.

In response to the question posed on the platform, I will also provide guidance on what to focus on after depression has been treated. Additionally, I will outline the key steps for adults to achieve independence.

It is important to stabilize your emotions and establish a positive mindset.

In terms of emotions, the most common effects include a lack of interest in doing things and persistent low mood. Many individuals suffering from depression hope to start by participating in some daily work, study, and social activities during the recovery process and make some related plans. However, they often find it difficult to implement these plans in practice, such as a lack of motivation and procrastination, which in turn leads to a gap with their psychological expectations.

Depressed patients often exhibit a negative psychological process, including low self-evaluation, guilt, low mood, and lack of motivation. Therefore, if there is initial resistance to returning to a normal life, it is important to learn to fully understand and accept oneself. One can try to remind oneself that these emotions are not one's fault and are merely the effects of depression, which can be understood and accepted.

In the process of treating an illness, we have already made significant efforts that are often overlooked. It is essential to maintain a positive mindset, understanding, and self-affirmation throughout the rehabilitation and adjustment period. A constructive attitude is the foundation for success.

Once you can maintain a more positive state of mind, there is no immediate need to set goals. Many patients, after being discharged from the hospital or cured, are uncertain about what they can achieve at the moment and often have high expectations, which can result in incomplete plans.

I recommend that you conduct some preliminary experiments to gain insight into your current situation. This will help you develop a more reasonable and feasible plan. Additionally, it is important to identify incentives that will encourage you to complete tasks and promote the completion of simple work and learning tasks.

Affirming oneself during each process of completion can activate the brain's reward mechanism. For example, each night record the goals completed that day, any negative emotions experienced, and the measures taken to address them. This will provide a sense of affirmation and pleasure, creating a virtuous cycle. Once a positive mindset is established, other tasks can be attempted or the original work can resume.

In order to achieve independence, it is essential to develop self-discipline. This entails setting a regular schedule and sticking to it, as well as planning and organizing tasks and responsibilities. It is also crucial to prioritize self-care and emotional well-being.

Independence is a key attribute of an individual's personality. It denotes their capacity to rely on their own capabilities to achieve objectives that align with their personal goals.

The concept of independent living

Independence in life means having the skills to live independently and being able to take care of oneself. Independent living is inextricably linked to self-discipline.

Schedule time for yourself to get up, prepare breakfast, and complete other necessary tasks. Maintain consistent hours, create your own schedule, and have a clear plan for your daily activities and responsibilities. Avoid allowing others to disrupt your plans.

A more independent life is one in which one is not dependent on others and is able to arrange one's own affairs.

The ability to maintain emotional independence is crucial for personal growth and success.

Genuine emotional independence is contingent upon a comprehensive and genuine self-acceptance, accompanied by a capacity to fulfill one's own needs. To illustrate, if one becomes visibly upset due to the absence of familial support during a holiday celebration, and subsequently accuses others of indifference toward their emotional state, it is evident that a lack of emotional independence persists.

Once you have achieved self-awareness, you will realize that if others are unable to meet your expectations, you can find satisfaction in other ways. Rather than dwelling on the shortcomings of others, you can focus on activities that bring you joy, such as painting or reading.

When you devote your attention to activities that bring you happiness, you create a positive experience for yourself while also reducing the other person's feelings of guilt. This is an example of emotional maturity, which is the ability to lead an independent emotional life.

The capacity to think independently.

What does it mean to be independent in thought? In my view, it means having your own independent way of thinking, rather than simply following the prevailing trend.

Individuals with an independent mindset tend to engage in reading activities and are less susceptible to external influences. They possess a distinct capacity for independent thinking, which is essential for forming their own perspectives and values.

Before adopting this mindset, it is essential to gain experience and knowledge, as well as a deeper understanding of the values held by the general public in other societies. By developing a broader comprehension of the thoughts and ideas of diverse individuals and groups, one can gradually draw conclusions and learn from each other, ultimately forming their own values.

As you are able to establish your own values, you will be less susceptible to the influence of external thoughts and ideas. You will come to recognise that a multitude of ideas are neither inherently right nor wrong; rather, the crucial factor is whether such ideas and thoughts align with your personal objectives.

Financial Independence

The simplest definition of financial independence is the ability to earn an income and have surplus funds available for personal pursuits, including supporting one's parents.

It is also possible to gain some basic financial management knowledge while working and earning money. In addition to making some simple allocations, it is advisable to set aside funds for financial management. By working hard to accumulate capital and learning financial management knowledge, it is possible to generate income from money.

The most straightforward method for managing your finances is to invest in a fixed-term deposit account or to make straightforward investments in precious metals, and then to sell them once their value has appreciated. This approach will gradually make you financially independent.

Spiritual independence

The pinnacle of personal development is to cultivate an independent spirit and a highly independent personality. As an independent individual, a person should possess their own fully independent spiritual values, independent thinking, an independent code of conduct, and the right to choose an independent lifestyle.

However, since people came into this world, they have been bound by various constraints at all times. These constraints originate from a number of sources, including the environment, culture, family, and social norms. Individuals with an independent personality must continually confront these constraints, pursue self-improvement, and adhere to their own set of values. The process of living is, in essence, the process of discovering one's own unique path in life.

Individuals with an independent personality guide their lives with free will, without necessarily following the model expected by others in society.

To be an independent person, one must be able to withstand external pressures and influences, maintain individuality, and make independent decisions. These traits are not innate or naturally formed; they require consistent effort and are achieved over time.

I hope my response is helpful to the questioner.